//------------------------------// // Part 10 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Interspecies Relationship: Chapter 77 Pinkie Vs. Impatience // Story: The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga // by Justice3442 //------------------------------// The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga Part 10 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Interspecies Relationship Chapter 77 Pinkie Vs. Impatience -ooooooo- “Twilight, ‘sup?” Spike asked as he walked into the cottage and waved a claw about, an armful of scrolls under the other. Behind the purple dragon walked Fluttershy, who strained under the weight of brown saddlebags loaded with books and scrolls. “Huff…Hi…puff…Twilight…How’s”--Fluttershy collapsed to the ground, her weighty saddlebags pinning her to the floor-- “it going?” Twilight shook her head, “Not good.” Twilight’s horn glowed purple and she began to levitate books and scrolls out of Fluttershy’s saddlebags, “I’m still not coming up with anything, and Pinkie’s getting so impatient that she’s begun to climb the walls.” “Oh my,” Fluttershy uttered as she trotted up to the mirror, “is the poor dear starting to pace the room and chew on her hooves? That’s what I do when I get anxious…” Twilight sighed, “If only. I meant that she’s literally climbing up the walls,” Twilight said as she motioned to the mirror in front of her. Spike unceremoniously dumped his armful of scrolls on the floor and walked over to the two mares. The three peered through the ornate mirror into the bedroom on the other side. There was a fresh hole in the ceiling and a pile of pink insulation on the ground. However, both paled in comparison to the pink pony with plungers on the end of her legs who was busily walking vertically up a wall and onto the ceiling. “Hey everypony!” Pinkie said as she waved a plunger about. Her long pink tail dangled behind her, yet her mane barely shifted as if it scarcely noticed gravity’s pull. “Erm…Hi…Pinkie…” Fluttershy said as she looked up at the pink mare. “Uh, Hey Pinkie,” Spike said cheerfully, “what’s up?” Pinkie giggled, “Teehee…ME!” Pinkie turned her head around 180 degrees with a loud, ‘Crack!’ and grinned wide. Her bloodshot eyes opened wide, betraying a hint of madness. One of Spike’s eyes twitched as he cringed. Fluttershy covered her eyes with her forehooves, “Pinkie! You’re scaring me!” Twilight started floating the new sets of books and scrolls over to her began scanning them with her eyes, a bored expression on her face. “Try dealing with it for a few hours…” she muttered. “Scaring you?” Pinkie asked. “Silly Fluttershy, I haven’t turned into a crazy fly monster that walks on the ceiling! I mean… I did, but Twilight changed me back!” Fluttershy uncovered her eyes and looked at Twilight with a frightened expression as Spike narrowed his own eyes and also shot the purple alicorn a look. “What?!” Twilight protested. “I’m trying to figure out a new spell! There’s bound to be a few hiccups!” “Yeah, but a crazy fly monster?!” Spike replied. “It had arms!” Twilight shot back. Pinkie managed to widen her crazed eyes even more, “Six of them!” Fluttershy suddenly stood on her black legs, holding her forehooves over her mouth. Her cheeks puffed out as she uttered a wet, gurgling sound and made a mad dash for the bathroom. Spike cringed at the sound of the yellow pegasus losing her lunch. “Huh, wonder what’s wrong with her…” Pinkie said. Twilight rolled her eyes. “Yeah, it’s a mystery, alright” she said sarcastically. “Uh, Pinkie? Do you think you can fix your head?” Spike asked. “More qualified ponies than me have tried,” Pinkie explained. “Most of them run screaming out of the room after about fifteen minutes…” “I’m beginning to understand why you and Dan are a couple…” Twilight said without looking up from her books. “Awww, thanks Twilight!” Pinkie replied. “I meant physically,” Spike said. “Huh?” Pinkie said. She looked up, or down rather and noticed she was staring at the floor. “Oops…heehee, silly me!” Pinkie detached her front plungers from the ceiling and placed them against the sides of her head, one pulled up at an eye lid and the other pulled down at her lip, increasing her already deranged look. With a twist and another, ‘Crack!’ the pink ponies head was once again right-side-upside-down. “Better?” Pinkie asked through clenched teeth, her plungers still pulling at the corners of her face. “Uh…sure?” The purple dragon offered with a hint of uncertainty in his voice. Pinkie’s tail suddenly began twitching wildly behind her, she craned her neck behind her at an uncomfortable looking angle with yet another, ‘Crack!’ Spike pulled his lips and an eyelid to the left side of his face as he witnessed Pinkie’s unnatural looking state. “Uh-oh…” Pinkie uttered. Pinkie’s back plungers strained and gave way causing the mare to full neck-first into the heap of pink insulation. A pair of eyes suddenly flew open from within the mound, Pinkie practically perfectly blending in with the pink pile of padding. “Where’d you get all those from, anyways?” Spike asked. Pinkie poked her head out of the pile. “Oh, these?” she asked, holding aloft a plunger tipped appendage, “I picked them up from the store just a bit ago.” Twilight looked up with a look of concern on her face, “I was wondering where you had wandered off to…You actually went outside in broad daylight?!” Pinkie waved a dismissive plunger about, “Don’t worry, Twilight! Months of hiding from the police, F.B.I., and the Association of Home Builders has made me an extra, super-sneaky Pinkie Pie!” “Uh… is it safe to come back out now?” Fluttershy asked from the bathroom. “Don’t worry!” Spike replied. “Pinkie is back to norm-I mean, Pinkie Pie!” “Okay… but you didn’t steal those plungers, did you?” Twilight asked. “Oh my!” Fluttershy exclaimed as she trotted back in front of the mirror. “D’uh, I left a note and money!” Pinkie replied. She grinned mischievously to herself and wrung her front plungers together, “I even used the purple glitter ink so the people at the store wouldn’t think it was me…” Her expression softened as she looked back at the mares and dragon, “I mean… I don’t want everyone to think I’m some sort of weirdo…” Twilight rolled her eyes, “No, of course not.” Spike cocked an eyebrow at Twilight. “Oh…uh…Did you still dot all your ‘i’s with hearts?” Fluttershy asked. Pinkie’s eyes shot open wide, she let out a frustrated, “Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” before smashing a plunger against her face. “…” “Pinkie,” Spike began, “are you stuck?” Pinkie nodded her plunger affixed face up and down. “Aaaaand Pinkie does something stupid. Surprise, surprise,” Twilight said as she flipped a page in the book in front of her. Fluttershy gasped, “Twilight!” “Uh, Twilight? Don’t you think you’re being just a tad mean, here?” Spike asked. Twilight sighed, “Sorry, Pinkie.” “Wiwffs wwoafffay…” Pinkie said, her voice muffled by the red plunger in front of it. “I’ve just been at this for hours and it’s nothing but dead ends and multi-limbed horrors from the twisted minds of wizard ponies!” Twilight exclaimed. Her eyes glazed over as a deep frown set itself in her face, “Pinkie was just a giant tongue with limbs made out of other, smaller tongues for a bit there…” >-ooooooo-< “Twilight! I can taste everything!” Pinkie, now a monstrosity of moist muscle, said. Twilight cringed, “Didn’t need to know that, Pinkie…”  “Dan and I should really shampoo the carpets more often…or at all.” “I think I’m…” <-ooooooo-> “…going to be sick…” Fluttershy moaned as she once again galloped for her bathroom. “That’s what I said!” Twilight exclaimed. “Uh…maybe you two should take a break!” Spike suggested. “You can get your mind off spells and unspeakable horrors for a bit,” he said to Twilight cheerfully, “and you can get that plunger off your face,” he said to Pinkie. “Fwats wwa gwwaeff iffea, Sfwife!” Pinkie said from behind her plunger. “What?” Spike replied. Pinkie removed the plunger from her face, “I said, ‘That’s a great idea, Spike!” Spike sighed, “Well it was, until…” Her sentence clarified, Pinkie returned the plunger to her face, “Waf whaf, Sfwife?” Spike crossed his arms and rolled his eyes, “Never mind…” -ooooooo- “Right this way, officers!” Dan* said as he threw open the door to the bakery wide and stepped back into the dining area. Bakery patrons glared angrily at the bruised and battered man, but averted their gaze as two cops in blue uniforms entered the bakery behind him. One cop sported a long nose and a bushy mustache, the other was clean shaven with a muscular frame and a chiseled jaw. “Don’t worry officers,” Dan* said as he looked over the crowd and wrung his hands together. “I can identify dozens of the perpetrators, and… Hey, where are you going?” The two cops walked pass Dan* on their way to Dan and Chris who were stationed behind the register. Chris’s eyes shot open wide and he began to sweat profusely as the two police officers approached. “Make a break for it, buddy,” Chris whispered to Dan, “I’ll stall them…” Dan glanced up at his tall friend, “While I always appreciate unsolicited offers to distract authority figures, why would I run?” Dan asked as he held a palm up, “I haven’t done anything wrong.” “I…uh…” Chris paused and thought about this, “I guess you haven’t.” “Afternoon, Dan,” the mustached cop said with a bit of an Irish accent. “Hey, Dan,” the other officer said simply with a nod. “Good afternoon, gentlemen, what can I do for you?” “That’s him!” Dan* said as he pointed an accusing finger at Dan. “He’s the ringleader!” “Me?” Dan said motioning to himself. “If you recall, I tried to stop them!” he insisted. Dan* narrowed his eyes at his double. “Eh, stop ‘what’ Dan?” The mustached cop asked as he touched his nose and smiled at Dan. “Ahhh…I get you…” Dan replied with a wink. “What?!” Dan* cried. “No! Stop it! Stop doing that!” Dan grinned without so much as acknowledging his clean shaven counterparts protests. “So, officers, what’ll it be?” he asked. “Let’s see, two crazy nut muffins, a chocolate muffin, and a cherry muffin,” the mustached cop said. Dan elbowed Chris, “Monkey-face, pick out some freshly baked muffins for our boys in blue here.” Chris raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure…?” Dan furrowed his brow at Chris, “Who is assistant manager here?” Chris sighed, “Alright, Dan…” Dan* glared at the cops, “Aren’t you two forgetting something.” The muscular cup snapped his fingers, “Oh! Right…two cups of coffee, please.” “But, of course,” Dan replied with a smile. Dan*’s eyes shot open wide in disbelief and he smacked a palm against his face. Chris returned with four muffins, two of them quite clearly having had socks baked into them. The cops eyes widened as Chris handed them the clearly clothes occupied muffins. Dan* grinned, “Problem officers?” He ventured a quick glance at Dan, to Dan*’s great surprise, Dan was grinning as well. “Yer darn right there’s a problem,” the mustached police officer replied, “we can’t eat two dozen muffins and cupcakes on our own!” “Oh, the guys at the precinct are going to love this!” the muscular cop added happily. “WHAT?!” Dan* cried. “But…but… you can’t serve baked goods with items in them!” he protested motioning out to the offending items. “And you certainly can’t spin finding clothes as a way to win free food!” Suddenly, the entire bakery went deadly quiet. Dan* gulped and scanned the room. He noticed that he was once again the center of attention, and none of it was good. “This lowlife bugging you, Dan?” the muscular cop asked, pointing behind his shoulder at Dan* with a thumb. Dan’s eyes widened and he placed and index finger against his cheek. “You know, as a matter of fact he has been causing a disturbance at the bakery all day,” he said, as if only now coming to this realization. The police officer with a mustache nodded, “Alright Dan, some police brutality oughta fix his little red wagon.” “Wait, wha…NO STOP!” Dan* cried as the cops turned and looped their arms under his, dragging the already injured man towards the bakery entrance. “Come along, now,” the mustached cop said, “we don’t want to get blood all over the nice bakery.” Bakery patrons began to break out into cheers and applause as Dan* kicked his legs up and down and struggled in vain against the cop’s hold on him. Dan* focused a red hot gaze of absolute hate in Dan’s direction, “THIS ISN’T OVER! DO YOU HEAR ME?! I’M JUST GETTING STARTED! I’LL BE BACK!” Dan merely waved, “Alright, well… you know where to find me!” he said cheerfully. “Dan, I think you oughta quit while you’re ahead,” Chris suggested. “But I’m not doing anything!” Dan insisted in a slightly irritated tone of voice. “…Uh…I guess you aren’t…” Chris replied. “Still, that guys not going to quit.” “Good!” Dan replied, “I wish all my enemies would just come and seek vengeance on me in places where I rule supreme.” “Seriously though,” Chris said, “he’s just going to keep coming at you, again and again.” Dan shrugged, “He has to die at some point,” he pointed out. He smiled evilly as the sounds of pained screams were heard from the bakery parking lot, “Oooo, they broke out the tazer…remind me to throw in an extra couple muffins for them.” “Look, all I’m saying is maybe there’s something we can do that’ll make this guy leave you alone.” “Geez, Mr. Overkill,” Dan replied, “why would I need to murder him?! He’s doing a perfectly good job of doing that on his own!” “That’s not what…” “Besides, he should be so lucky Pinkie lacks the opposable digits right now to operate a bone saw, or he’d be dead already.” Chris knitted his brow as he attempted to process what Dan said, “…Wait? What?!” “Nothing, shut up,” Dan responded. “Speaking of my adorable, little pon-I MEAN-girlfriend, I wonder what cute mischief she’s getting into now...” -ooooooo- Pinkie Pie stared at the television remote, her eyes twitched as the crinkle in her brow began to intensify. She focused an angry, hateful gaze on the device and it’s dozens of tiny buttons, each one taunting her with its size and the impossibility that her hooves could work the device. “That’s it,” Pinkie said trotting off, “I’m getting my crowbar.”