//------------------------------// // Crying Fillies and Drunken Mares // Story: The Misadventures of Osaka Jones // by RabidTonberry //------------------------------// It was a rather nice evening as the sun slowly started to go down, painting the rustic looking buildings of the town with the dying light of the day. I could even hear birds singing and grasshoppers chirping in the distance. I could honestly say that despite all the weirdness that had befallen me since I woke up that morning. I was content with the peacefulness of the moment, or I would have been if I didn’t have a little Pegasus filly holding on to me with a death like grip, crying her eyes out into my chest. “Da…dad…daddy they…they told me you were dead!” the little Pegasus choked out between sobs. “But umm but I’m not your….” “Where…where…have you been for the last eight years?” she said looking up to me with big purple tear stained eyes. “I think my heart just stopped” Rainbow came over and gently pried the crying filly off of me. “Come on Squirt, we need to have a little talk.” I watched her fly off to a nearby bench with the little filly in tow. I watched as Rainbow wrapped one of her wings around the filly, and wiped the tears from her eyes. After a while they came trotting back towards me. “Sorry Mr. Jones, Rainbow told me you lost your memory and I guess I must of freaked you out huh?” the little orange Pegasus chuckled her personality doing a completely 180, but I still saw tears threatening to emerge. “Well I need to get to Apple Blooms; I hope you get your memories back soon Dad.” And with that she ran off. “Wait” “I didn’t lose my memories and I’m not your Dad!” I yelled at her just as she rounded a corner. I turned my attention back to Rainbow who was sitting to the side with a hoof to her mouth trying to hide a giggle. “Soo, who was that?” “Oh that was Scootaloo.” She said as she stood up and started walking again, I followed. “She’s….well if you want to be technical she’s my adoptive daughter.” “Wait you’re a Mother?” “Well according to the State of Ponyville and the Royal Government of Canterlot, yes I am. But, we have more of an Older Sister and Younger Sister relationship. I mean I still feed her, watch after her, and everything a Mother would do just more awesome since I’m more of a Big Sister.” I just nodded my head in understanding, even though I didn’t. But who am I to judge their relationship. “So umm what was all that about then?” Rainbow stopped and I see her ears lay flat against her head, she looked to me with a sad expression. “How about we get that drink first, that’s the bar right over there.” She pointed to a brick building with a green door, with a flashing neon open sign that hanged behind a huge window. We walked inside and it’s like I’m back home in one of the local dive bars in my town. There were a couple of ponies around the wooden bar set up against one side of the building with taps sticking out of it, there was also several bottles of wine sitting on a shelf behind the bar. There was even a jukebox. On the other side of the building there were a couple of tables and chairs set up, plus a pool table. Which just raised the question, how does one play pool with hooves? Rainbow pointed to a nearby table. Taking the hint I went and sat down in a chair, which was a lot easier than I thought it would be, while she went off towards the bar. After a minute she walked over with two bottles balanced on her back, shifting her side the bottles slid off her back and onto the table. Carefully wrapping one of my hooves around one of the bottles, I tested to see if I could lift it up. Seeing that I could, I lifted it up to my lips and took a satisfying gulp of the liquid. “A little too sweet for my taste but hey it does the job,” I thought to myself as I put the bottle back down onto the table and released my hoof. “Heh, hooves how do they work?” “So what were you going to say about Scootaloo?” I asked after Rainbow took a swig of her drink. Her ears went back against her head again, and I saw her wings fidgeting a bit as if she was trying to fight the urge to fly away. Finally she let out a deep sigh and her body relaxed. “Sorry, I really don’t like talking about this stuff. It’s personal for Scoot’s and I don’t really feel comfortable talking about it, but since she kind of freaked on you when she saw you. I guess you have a right to know.” She let out another sigh. “Scoot’s Mom died during childbirth, and the only other pony she had was her Father. I didn’t know the guy, I wasn’t living in Ponyville at the time, but I’m told by the ponies who knew him that he was great. He was actually the head of the weather team in town, which is my job by the way, and it can be a pretty demanding job at times. But he always found time for his little Daughter no matter what, and ponies say they never saw him happier than when he was with his little Scootaloo.” A faint smile reached her lips, it didn’t stay long. “But, about eight years ago, when Scoot’s was only two, he was heading to Cloudsdale for a meeting at the Weather Factory, and he disappeared. No one knows what happened to him. Of course there were search parties and all that but a body was never found, and after a while he was declared dead and Scoots was put into an orphanage here in town.” I watched as Rainbow took a huge gulp of her cider. When she sat it down she didn’t meet my gaze. “Scootaloo doesn’t talk about it much, heh it’s been almost a year since I adopted her and she only talked about him once with me. She has an old photo of him that she keeps hidden away in her room, I don’t think she knows that I know about it, and I do admit that you look a lot like him. That’s why she freaked out when she saw you Osaka.” “What about my uhh, cutie mark? Wouldn’t she realize that I’m not him when she saw it?” “She was only two when he vanished, and the picture doesn't show his side. She doesn't remember what it looks like.” “Ahh I see…so what exactly did you say to Scootaloo about me earlier?” Rainbow blushed in embarrassment, and she scratched the back of her head. “Umm I told her that you lost your memory, and the only thing you know is your name. I then told her that the chances of you being her lost father are pretty slim, I mean after all you really don’t look like you're old enough to have a ten year old daughter. But I guess she still hopes that you might turn out to be him.” she finished and gave me a shy looking grin. I just sighed and finished my drink, Rainbow did the same. When she finished she gestured over to the stallion at the bar who came over and dropped off two more bottles. He then walked back to his station, and we sat in silence. “So if you don’t mind me asking, how did you end up as her guardian?” I finally asked after getting bored of just staring at my bottle. Rainbow gaze jerked back up from her bottle, “Well long story short, she was my number one fan and she asked me to take her under my wing, which I was glad to. Eventually I came to realize that I could do so much more for her if I adopted her. So I did.” she said rather quickly. I sensed that there was more to the story, and that she didn't feel like telling me, I just nodded my head and muttered out an, “I see.” “You know for somepony who just fell out of the sky while surrounded by a ball of fire, and who has no memory of who they are. Besides your name and this delusion that you use to be something called a human. Also adding what just happened with Scoot’s. I have to say you’re taking this pretty well.” “Well first off I am a human, and second I’m pretty sure it just hasn't all synced in yet. I’ll probably be doing all my freaking out if I’m still in this world when I wake up tomorrow.” “Alright, just make sure you freak out after I’m already up. I don’t like be woken up earlier than I have to be.” Rainbow chuckled. “Deal” I watched as Rainbow finished her second drink and she gave her head a shake. “Woo, speaking of sleep. We should probably get going soon. This stuff is already starting to hit me hard.” I gave her an amused smile “Already? Damn you must be a light weight. I got no buzz…” Rainbow’s wings flared out and she gave me a dirty look as she pointed her hoof at me. “Hey I am not a light weight I just don’t want…” Her wings went back to her sides and face slipped into confusion. “Wait you’re saying you don’t feel anything?” “Umm no…should I be?” “Damn dude, I even got us Big Macs.” “Big Macs? Wait I’m drinking a crappy fast food burger?” I looked down at the bottle in my hoof. The label around the amber colored bottle was black with a picture of a rather large red stallion with a short blonde mane. Next to the stallion was dark red lettering that said "Big Mac Cider" underneath it was a white speech balloon coming from the stallion that said "Eeeyup." I looked at the bottom and see it’s only 5.5% alcohol by volume. “Oh, yea this stuff will defiantly not be getting me buzzed, unless I drink a lot of it.” “Sorry dude, I don’t have enough bits on me to get you another.” “Eh don’t worry about it. It’s not in my nature to mooch money off people…err ponies. Kind of a shame though, part of me wants to see my limits are now that I’m a pony” “You know the sooner you accept the fact that you are and were a pony the easier it will be…” “Hey, hey, hey Rainbow Dash…” Piped up a dark gray Pegasus stallion with a blue-silver Mohawk like mane, as he came up to our table and sat down next to Rainbow Dash. He flashed a smile at Rainbow, “This loser giving you any trouble?” he said absent mindlessly pointing one of his hooves at me. “The only pony giving me any trouble is you Thunderlane.” Rainbow growled out as she attempted to dodge Thunderlane’s attempt to put one of his legs around her. “Oh, don’t be that way Dashie.” He said as he successfully got a leg around her and pulled her closer to him. “Thunderlane if you don’t let go of me in the next 5 seconds you’re going to be spending the next week in the hospital with a broken wing, and I won’t approve you for medical pay.” Rainbow said, giving a glare of pure death at Thunderlane. Thunderlane quickly let go and scooted his chair back far away from Rainbow, almost to the point of hitting me in my chair. “Alright alright” he raised his front legs up showing he was not touching her. “I just wanted to make sure that my favorite boss didn't need my help with getting rid of this little letcher.” “Hey! Dude you don’t even know me.” I grunted out angrily. “Yea, Thunderlane! Now get the Tartarus out of here before I have you painting dew on all the grass at Sweet Apple Acres on Monday!” Rainbow yelled. Thunderlane glared at me while Rainbow and I, plus everyone else at the now packed bar, watched him leave. Rainbow sighed, “Sorry about that. I show interest in him one time during one of my heat cycles, and he thinks he owns me. It’s not like we even did anything either.” She groaned. “Eh, don’t worry about it. Wouldn't be the first time I've…” I’m interrupted as I felt a furry leg pull me down until I’m face to face with what had to be the most ugliest pony I've seen up till then. Her coat was a plum colored and her mane was a purplish pink. “Hi yea ya…burp…sexy” oh god as soon as she opened her mouth I could smell the liquor radiating off her. “Why don’t you leave the hot tempered skinny one and get with a real mare?” she said drawing her other hoof across my chin. “Sorry I don’t do charity work” I automatically replied. The ugly shade of purple pony pushed herself away from me, and her gaze turned to hate as she looked at me. “What did you just say to me?!? Do you think you’re better than me!?!” “Well I think in this instance I am.” I watched as the mare just stood there with her mouth agape. One of her eyes a twitched. “You…you want to put your stallion hood where your mouth is!” she finally yelled. I looked around and saw every eye at the bar was on us. I leaned down towards the mare. “What do you have in mind plum colored one?” “A drink off!” A hush fell over the bar as I started to laugh like a mad man or in this case a mad pony. “A drink off, Oh you are on, losers pays?” I held out my hoof. “Deal” she said grabbing my hoof and giving it a shake. She turned around and started walking towards the bar. “Barkeep, breakout the applejack!” She shouted. I turned back to Rainbow Dash. “You guys have applejack?” “Well you didn’t ask about brandy.” She said giving me a concerned look. “Osaka you shouldn't do this. That’s Berryshine a.k.a. Berry Punch the hardest drinker in all of Ponyville, maybe even Equestria, she drinks harder than Vinyl Scratch over there.” She pointed to a white unicorn mare with an electric blue mane, who was resting her head on the bar top while a grayish looking pony mare with a black mane gently patted her on the back. “Plus I don’t have the bits to cover you.” “Don’t worry about it Rainbow, trust me I got this.” I winked and joined Berry Punch at the bar. “I hope you’re ready for one hell of a hangover tomorrow because you’re going down you smug looking punk.” Berry said. I took my seat next to her at the bar. I saw that there were ten shots each laid out before us. “Hey barkeep what’s the proof on this stuff?” I asked. “Umm it says 40 proof.” He replied looking at the bottle. “Oh yeah this will be easy. Oh yea thanks by the way. I wanted to taste out this new pony liver.” “Wha?” Berry uttered as I started to slam down the shots without a moments warning. I turned to her an offered a smile when I was done, her eyes went wide in disbelief. “Your turn.” Berry’s gaze turned to one of determination as she started to pound her shots as well, the gaze didn't stay. As it turned to a glossy eyed one. “anuthor ten barskepps,” she uttered out. I pounded the next round as fast as the last, Berry not so much. I watched her pass out after taking the 15th shot, and everypony is looking at me. “The way you were talking Rainbow, I thought this was going to be harder.” I said turning to face Rainbow Dash as she walked up to me. “Well nopony has made it past the first 10 shots before.” She chuckled. “You good to fly? Cause I’m ready to get out of her.” I gulped down the rest of Berry’s shots and gave my wings a quick test flap. “Eh, I should be good.” I followed her out the door into the night. Before it closed I stuck my head back in and gave the bar a wave. “Goodnight everypony, next rounds on Berry Punch over there,” I pulled my head out and continued to follow Rainbow as I heard cheering coming from the bar. I followed Rainbow in silence as we made our way out of town. After a while we came to an open field, and she pointed up to a large cloud that’s floating above us. “That’s my place right there, should be easy for you to find if you ever get lost. It is the only cloud house in town.” “Cloud house?” I muttered out, I stared harder at the cloud above me; I came to realize that it is indeed shaped like a rather large house, just a tiny bit smaller than a mansion. With even a small yard in front of it, and what appeared to be a miniature waterfall running off the side, and…and is that water colored like a rainbow? “Hey hurry up I want to get some sleep already!” I looked and saw Rainbow looking down at me from above. I flapped my wings and soared upwards landing next to her. “Hey Rainbow are you rich or something?” “Huh?” she replied looking at me. “Oh! You mean my house. No I’m not rich or anything. I made it myself. Clouds are free in Ponyville.” She replied quite proudly opening the door for me. I walked in and greeted by the sight of a rather large living room with a huge sofa off to one side, with a staircase on the other. I see a door leading to an impressive looking kitchen towards the back of the living room. I heard Rainbow close the door as she headed to a closet that was built into the side of the staircase. She pulled out a couple of blankets and a pillow. She tossed them onto the couch. “Alright, this is where you’ll be sleeping while you stay here.” She gestured towards the couch. “Now the bathroom is the first door upstairs on the right. Scootaloo’s room is the room after that, and my room is the one at the end of the hall.” She said making her way up the stairs. “Goodnight Osaka” “Goodnight Rainbow.” I replied as I carefully took the blankets in my hooves and spread them out on the couch. After they were down I crawled underneath them and made myself comfortable. I gently fell asleep.