Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It belongs to The Hub, Hasbro, Studio B, and Lauren Faust. I do not own any of these characters in any way or how, nor do I claim ownership to the pony franchise. These characters are simply my toys.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The curtains close on a kiss god knows. We know the end is near.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Melting Snow
Chapter 13: Raindrops
Caramel cast his eyes away from the glowing fire as he began to tug his hoof on the edges of his blanket, his belly beginning to feel as if it were twisting around as he felt the sweat on his forehead soak his fur. He lifted a hoof briefly to wipe the area, hearing a gentle thud as one of the brightly colored crayons fell to the carpet.
He heard himself groan, but it was more of a reflex as he struggled to reach down to grasp the crayon, quickly snatching it before returning to his tiny ball, blanket covering his body as he used his leg to cover his belly.
One of his ears perked up as he heard a rustling of papers coming from the area of the kitchen. The usual mumbling along with some quiet stuffing of papers in a bag was heard in his ears before he let them droop down to the page again.
Caramel’s body felt very warm under the blanket, the fire beating down on his body only made him more uncomfortable as he squirmed a bit in place. It did indeed briefly cross his mind to simply ditch the blanket, however the more he squirmed and felt his belly jiggle ever so slightly… that possibility suddenly left his mind, in fact he pulled the blanket even tighter, trying to use his bottom legs to cover his stomach as he curled up.
The stallion began to chew his tongue, letting the subject drop for the time being as he looked onto the page, staring at the smiling ladybug flying towards him from the stream behind it. It was a little less than halfway done, only one of the ladybug’s wings had been colored, while the stream itself had several blank patches where all the fish and frogs and lily pads were left white.
Caramel tried his best to color in the puffy leaves on the only tree in the picture, his hoof moving slowly as he drew it up and down the page. As he lifted his hoof to reach up a few inches further, he felt a gentle sting in his neck. He raised his hoof to graze it, feeling the dark tint on his neck… he could almost feel his hooves pull at the covers as Mac’s teeth grazed that spot only yesterday, biting down hard enough to make that sound come out of him…
The pony set down the crayon, covering his head with both hooves as he whimpered quietly at the thought, pressing his face down into the cushion as his head began to spin. He swallowed hard, the thought of those large gentle hooves running down his body only made him pull on the strands of hair for his mane.
“You hear me?”
Caramel lifted his head quickly, sitting up as he glanced in the direction of the kitchen to watch as Sage slipped on his white lab coat, adjusting his thick half-moon glasses as he looked toward the other. Caramel shook his head, his face turning a shade of pink as his brother sighed, beginning to trot towards him.
“I said,” The unicorn spoke. “I’m going to be leaving in about twenty minutes, I’m only now starting to gain some respect around here.” He chuckled with a gentle smile on his face, sticking out his chest slightly as he silently praised himself. “If things go well over the next couple of weeks I can start helping out on surgery instead of just getting blood and first appointments, meaning we’ll have a little more money to spend…”
Caramel’s attention slid down as he rubbed his leg, ruffling his own fur as he half listened to his brother’s ramblings about his success. He forced a nod and a smile every couple of words.
“Oh…” Sage spoke, his tone suddenly less cheery than before as he looked down at the couch to the half finished coloring book page. “You were… doing that…” He paused as he looked away from his brother’s eyesight. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt too long… come to think of it, you haven’t used one of those things in a couple of weeks. At least I haven’t had to buy a new one.”
The stallion frowned as he took a quick glance into Sage’s eyes, quickly darting them away as he lifted his hoof to cover the bruise on his neck. He saw his brother’s eyes flick to the spot, thankfully keeping his mouth shut since it had formed the previous day.
“Did… something happen yesterday?” Sage questioned, forcing his eyeline away from Caramel’s hoof and back into his eyes. “Normally you won’t shut up when you go to visit Mac…” He tried to force the joke by chucking at the end, however Caramel didn’t so much as crack a smile… in fact the only change on him was the way his face became a considerably red shade as he squeezed his eyes shut.
“N-Nothing…” But the stallion trailed off, wrapping his hooves around each other. “I-It doesn’t help…” Caramel mumbled quietly, biting his tongue as Sage gave a questionable tilt of his head. The stallion forced his eyes open as he looked down at the book, slapping it shut with more force than needed. “I can’t… f-finish it…”
“The book?” Sage questioned, slowly moving to the couch and sitting next to Caramel.
Caramel nodded his head slowly. “E-Every time I get worried or nervous… I can just draw in it and I’ll be fine till I stop panicking about it…” He paused, fiddling with his hooves as he forced them out of the blanket. “I can’t this time… I just keep stopping…”
“What happened, Cara?” Sage asked, reaching out his hoof a brief moment before pulling it away, watching as the stallion balled up bits of the blanket in his hooves when asked.
“I… I told Mac…” He paused a moment, closing his eyes as his cheeks and ears continued to glow that same tinge of red. “I told Mac that I loved him… a-and he… said he loved me too…”
“Oh… Uh…” Sage didn’t expect this as he watched Caramel squirm uncomfortably. There was a good thirty seconds of silence between the two, one where Caramel’s shade of red didn’t vanish. While Caramel had been quiet since he had returned yesterday, he had simply passed it off as him being tired and slightly ill.
“I didn’t think he would actually say it back…” Caramel mumbled quietly as he smiled. “I just… really wanted him to hear it… but he said it back… T-The only thing I did was cry like an idiot because… it made me so happy…” He rubbed the fur on his chest as his smile faded, glancing to Sage.
“You don’t really… look happy…” Sage spoke the truth, wanting to get straight to the point as he knew in the back of his mind that his minutes were running short.
“M-Mac… he…” The frown of his brother deepend. He pulled up the blanket once more, covering halfway up his chest. “Mac just… he acted different…”
“Did he hurt you?” Sage asked suddenly, sitting up attentive as Caramel jumped at the mild panic in his brother’s voice. He quickly shook his head in response, to which Sage couldn’t help but sigh, glancing down at his lap.
“Mac acted… really happy…” Caramel quickly continued so not to panic his brother. “He… just started hugging me and… pulling me closer…” Caramel closed his eyes and looked away from Sage, as if one wasn’t enough. “He um… touched… me…”
“He… wha-” Sage stopped, his own cheeks gaining some of the red Caramel’s retained.
“Oh.”
Caramel nodded, biting down on his lip as he continued. “M-Mac just… acted like he really wanted to just be with me… like that… but I just… pushed him away…”
The stallion could feel his brother’s gaze bore into him. He felt a sudden urge to bury his head under the blankets and wait for winter to be over just so this moment would end. “All I could think about was… what if he doesn’t like the way I… perform… o-or if act too feminine… or if he… doesn’t like my body” He murmured, covering his belly with the blanket.
“T-To tell the truth…” Sage mumbled, adjusting his glasses several times to try and hide his uncomfortable squirming. “Imagining some stallion grope my brother isn’t exactly the most pleasant thought in the world…”
Caramel couldn’t help but let out a quick laugh at those words, even if his lips did remain in a frown. His nerves loosened a bit, however he still covered his body with the blanket. He ruffled his own mane a bit to have a reason to squirm in his seat. “He didn’t say anything… w-when he walked back with me.” The stallion mumbled under his breath. “A-And he didn’t do anything but say ‘goodbye’ when I got here…” Caramel frowned, burying his face in his hooves and shaking his head. “I think that.. I might have upset him…” His voice turned sour as he remained silent. “He really just… wanted me and I pushed him away…”
“But you didn’t want anything…” Sage tried to speak before he noticed Caramel shaking his head, still in the same position as he sniffled quietly.
“N-No…” He whispered. “No… I wanted that… But when it started I just got so scared because it was all happening so fast… I could barely even say his name before…” He held his breath at this point, shaking his head as he pulled on his bangs. “It’s so addicting being near him… When I’m near him all I want is to just be leaning up against him… if he gives me anything I usually want more… but this time I just got… scared… What if I’m not good enough for him… He could probably do a lot better for a coltfriend… or even a marefriend.” He stayed silent for a few more seconds before continuing, his voice pained. “W-What if… he doesn’t love me anymore?”
“Caramel,” Sage’s lips curved downward as Caramel spoke these words, hearing him sniffle once again made him reach out his hoof, forcing the split hair Caramel was tugging on out of his hooves. “If I’m being honest… Mac is probably one of the nicest ponies I’ve ever spoken to when you’re the subject…” He spoke quietly, watching as Caramel’s eyes gazed into his. “That oaf does nothing but worry about you and act like you’re the most important pony in the world, he’s been in love with you for weeks… he won’t stop because you got scared.”
Caramel looked down again, rubbing his watery eyes. No tears had spilled just yet as he sniffed quietly, biting down on his lip every few moments. Sage stood up, taking a few steps over to Caramel before giving him a light hug, feeling the other tremble slightly in his arms. He couldn’t help but chuckle quietly.
“Big Macintosh may be a little cold to me… but I know that he cares about you more than anything” He mumbled quietly as he stroked the other’s mane, pulling away as the other continued to rub his tearless eyes. “Listen… I have to go now…” The unicorn paused, rubbing his hoof on the carpet a moment. “I’m gonna be gone until late tonight… if you want to go see Mac to talk to him… or invite him over… I won’t care…” He took a deep breath, letting out a sigh before continuing. “I may just end up getting home around three in the morning if I really am gonna help out with this surgery… but it’s almost five, I should really be going soon…”
“O-Okay…” Caramel mumbled quietly, looking at his brother once more with a small, forced smile. “T-Thanks… I know you aren’t comfortable listening to me talk about stallions…”
Sage grinned, laughing aloud before hitting his brother’s ear with a light flick of the hoof, grinning stupidly. “Just be thankful I don’t go to you with mare trouble.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was with little effort that Big Macintosh heaved two full buckets of apples onto the back of his cart, breathing out a heavy sigh before allowing himself to wipe his slightly wet forehead. He closed his eyes briefly, letting himself shiver before tightening his scarf once more.
He cracked his eyes for a brief moment, glancing at the cart as he let himself try and recall the usual amount they sold over the winter… normally it was only enough to let themselves get by for another week or two… thankfully Cloudsdale always cleared the sky these days for the markets to open, so he didn’t have to take in account for the weather…
He let his thoughts trail off for a moment before glancing around the barn, feeling the cold winds trickle through the cracks and brush up against his coat. It was at the very least a warmer wind than what had been given to Ponyville for quite a few days. The dripping of snow outside gave him a brief hope that the winter was finally coming to a close.
Big Macintosh considered wondering just how Caramel liked the seasons before his chest gave an unusual tightening at the thought of the stallion. He quickly glanced down to his large hooves, scratching one with the other as he closed his eyes, giving his head a good shake.
The steed would be able to see him soon enough… he had to say something to him after yesterday, if only to stop his belly from turning over whenever he thought about the stallion.
When the steed’s emerald eyes cracked open once more, he let himself watch his breath become foggy before him before sucking it right back in. The twinge in his chest continued to ache for a good five seconds before he lifted his head at the sound of hooves crunching on the melting snow outside of the barn.
It was only a few moments before he saw the head of Applejack pop into the barn door, a slightly tired expression on her face as she rubbed her eyes with her hoof, her stride broken at the sight of her brother before she lowered her hoof, her gaze turning questioning.
“What are ya doin’ out here?” Big Macintosh asked, forcing his voice to remain calm as he pushed back whatever he was feeling moments prior to the back of his mind. He really wasn’t in the mood for Applejack to talk to him right now, lately every conversation lead back to Caramel.
“Ah think that’s my line.” Applejack mumbled, glancing to the cart full of apples before she gave a brief smirk. “Hey, lookie at that, beat me ta the punch!”
Big Macintosh didn’t speak as he watched his sister trot up beside him, grabbing an apple and letting her teeth sink into it, her smile fading as he watched beside him, grabbing an apple and letting her teeth sink into it, her smile fading as she chewed on it for a few moments. She shrugged her shoulders before taking another bite.
“Ya never did like thawed apples.” The steed found himself speaking, the thought simply coming to mind. She chuckled at his words, nodding while casting her gaze away from his, chewing on what she already bit off until it surely had to have lost what little flavor it had left after unfreezing overnight.
“What gives anyway?” She suddenly spoke after finally swallowing, glancing to her brothers eye. “Ya never liked selling apples… and yer out here awfully early, nopony goes out ta shop fer at least an hour…”
Big Macintosh looked down at these words, trying to block out the strange feeling that began rising in his chest once more as he shrugged his shoulders. “Head start…” He spoke under his breath, giving himself a nod of confidence.
Applejack looked back to her brother, a hint of suspicion in her gaze. “Hey… Mac… ya feelin’ all right there?” She questioned with a slight tilt of her head, her expression suddenly turning uncomfortable as she took a step back. “When you came… back yesterday you didn’t say much… Ah mean less than usual fer ya…”
Applejack suddenly let out a groan as she scratched the hair under her hat “Gah, Ah hate this mushy gushy stuff… always have…” She closed her eyes a moment, not noticing Mac’s gaze turn into a combination of worry and confusion. “Ya just… looked real unhappy when you came back… Ah mean… Caramel ain’t hurt or nothin’, is he?”
“Why da ya care?” The question itself wasn’t meant to be stubborn for the steed as he let it slip out, it was honestly just the first thing that popped to his mind. He didn’t bother answering her.
“Ya were… gonna leave early ta visit him, right?” Applejack questioned her brother as she forced herself to look in his eyes. “That’s what ya’ve been doin’ fer a while now, leavin’ real early ta see him every once in a while… it’s gettin’ a lot more frequent though.” She rubbed her forehead briefly. “Ah don’t get why yer so infatuated with him…”
Big Macintosh still didn’t answer at this, simply gave a shrug of his shoulders once more, suddenly finding the bits of hay under his hoof very fascinating as he rolled them back and forth. He wasn’t able to deny her accusations, but still refused to accept them.
“Ah hate this.” Applejack sighed loudly, turning around before pacing around in a quick circle. “Ah hate… whatever this is we’re havin’... Maybe it’s a fight… it’s so hard ta talk ta ya, yer bein’ so stubborn… when’s the last time ya just flat out left without tellin’ anypony?”
Big Macintosh still didn’t look at Applejack as he stretched his back, finding it harder to ignore the orange mare in the corner of his eye as time went on.
There was a silence between them for a while before Applejack looked at him once more, walking in front of his vision so he had no choice but to look at her. She finally broke that silence with a strange determination in her voice.
“Remember when Ah was sixteen?” She asked with a tilt of her head, forcing a smile upon her lips with faint nostalgia. “Ah got my first coltfriend and we… we did all kinds of things together, fer a while there I accidently let all the work pile up on ya, but ya never complained…” She trailed off for a brief moment, her voice growing stronger in its confidence when her brother’s eyes sparked with mild interest in her words.
“A-And… he was older, maybe one or two years…” Her smile faltered a moment as she looked down. “He always used ta call me stupid… and act like ah knew nothin’, but he still called himself mah coltfriend… He never looked at me like Ah looked at him.” She frowned slightly as she looked back to her brother. “The first time ya met him, Ah remember ya kept tellin’ me ta end it when he left… Ah didn’t know why… And Ah got so angry that Ah said Ah hated ya…”
There was a brief red tint of embarrassment on his sister’s cheeks, however her expression looked more frustrated with anything. “Ah was an idiot… and ya never said anythin’, but Ah knew it really hurt ya… Ah didn’t realize he didn’t love me at all until Ah took yer advice…”
“Ah almost forgot ‘bout that…” Big Macintosh spoke, once again speaking without thinking as he tugged gently on his mane, which he began quietly scratching with his hoof as he cocked his head slightly away from her gaze.
Applejack nodded, giving a brief shudder as some of the cool winds swept into the barn door. The steed quickly trotted over, shutting the door just enough so the wind angled away from them, but still gave light to the barn. He let out a whinny before turning back to his sister, watching her squirm with uncomfortable silence.
“Can Ah ask you…” She spoke quietly once he gave her a gentle nod to continue, trotting up to her side before settling down as he let his backside rest on the small pile of hay. “What does… Caramel mean to you? Ah mean… why do ya keep wantin’ ta see him…” She paused a moment before her eyes widened briefly. “A-Ah won’t say anythin’ bad ‘bout it… Ah’m just… curious is all.”
“Hmm?” He questioned with a slight tilt of his head, giving her a slightly puzzled look. His chest tightened once more at that question. He quickly looked down into his hooves before he began pulling on them with one another. “Caramel… he…” He trailed off, feeling the eyes of his sister bore into him. “Caramel is the first pony who ever made me feel like this…” He mumbled, loudly enough for Applejack to hear, but not without his cheeks tinting to the color of his fur. “All Ah want is fer him ta… Ah mean Ah...” He shook his head angrily for a brief moment, letting out an annoyed sigh. “Caramel… makes me happy… happier than anythin’ has in a long time…” He settled on those words, glancing to Applejack.
“It’s just…” The mare frowned, seeming to hardly take in her brothers words before starting up, finally seating herself down with a gentle thud as she stretched two of her legs. “Fer a while, Ah’ve been tryin’ ta tell myself that what ya two had wasn’t… Ah dunno, sincere… something mushy like that.” She put on a smile, but killed it quickly when she seemed to realize it was out of place. “A couple nights ago… Ah haven’t seen you worry like that over anypony but us… and it’s still hard fer me ta get how some stallion is already that important to ya…”
She sighed loudly, running her hooves on the ground near where she was sitting. “Ah don’t get it… But Ah don’t think Ah should…” She chuckled with slight disappointment in herself. “A stallion makin’ ya happy is just… different…”
“Caramel.” Big Macintosh stated, watching his sister glance to him with confusion. “Not just a stallion… Caramel makes me happy…” He looked into her eyes when he said this, his expression turning strict.
“Right…” Applejack spoke with a nod, her eyes lighting up briefly as if she understood at least a small bit to the puzzle. “Not just a stallion…” She murmured to herself.
“He… he said he loved me yesterday…” The steed spoke up, staring at Applejack when he said it. She looked to him with a brief moment of shock that she at least managed to keep inside her mouth for a few moments.
“O-Oh…” She spoke as she took off her hat, grabbing the ends and pulling gently. “Well… ain’t that somethin’... What did… ya say?”
“Ah… told him the same…” The steed’s tone became slightly embarrassed, but he forced himself to remain strong. “Ah… ah never felt that happy when somepony talked ta me ‘bout that before… he cried when Ah said it back cause he was happy… s-scared me, thought Ah screwed up…” He forced himself to smile a bitter grin, feeling his chest ache as he thought longer about the nerves in Caramel’s voice before his belly began turning once more. “Ah think ah… no, ah know ah got a little too excited talkin’ ta him ‘bout it… Ah made him real nervous…” He frowned at these words.
“Mac… what uh… happened?” Applejack questioned, obviously not exactly eager to hear the details on her brothers love life.
“Ah just… wanted him ta know Ah meant what ah said…” He spoke softly for such a deep voice, it almost sounded scared as he began gnawing on his lip. “Ah ain’t good with talkin’ ‘bout stuff like love… sayin’ it didn’t feel like enough… but he… pushed me away…” The steed sighed, clamping his hooves on the back of his neck as he lowered his head slightly. “Ah made him real nervous… Ah shouldn’t have tried all that without at least askin’ him… he didn’t say anythin’ when we walked home yesterday…” Mac closed his eyes again, that same pain deep in his chest emerging once more. “Ah… really need ta tell him Ah’m sorry…” He sighed loudly, some annoyance in his voice before he began tugging on his mane, his belly clenching as he envisioned Caramel’s nervous squirming in his grasp once more…
“You’ve always been like that…” Applejack spoke to her brother, seeming to have gotten up since she was now pacing back and forth. “Kind of like a big softie really, if you weren’t so big and scary looking you’d have gotten eaten alive in school.” She teased him with a grin before letting it fade, watching her brother glance up at her.
“Look… Ah ain’t gonna understand it in a day… but Ah know that at least ya care about a sta… Caramel…” She corrected herself quickly, Mac giving a certain nod. “And Granny seems to be feeling better about all of this… Ah don’t want to feel stuck in the old ways and have us not be like we used to because… yer still my brother, and the Apples are the best family in Ponyville.”
Big Macintosh chuckled, getting to his hooves as his belly kept clenching at thoughts of Caramel. “Yeah… we’re family…”
“Look, Mac,” She spoke with a demanding voice suddenly, “Will you just go and see Caramel already? You’re obviously gonna worry about him all day if you don’t so… just get it over with… I’ll take care of the apples and whatever else needs done, you just… go be with him for a while…”
Big Macintosh nodded firmly, suddenly trotting forward before nuzzling his sister’s forehead, glad that she gave no protest like she did when she was little before she lifted her hoof to push him away with a giggle. His chest loosened a bit knowing things were in fact healing...
“Alright ya dumb teddy bear, just go already.”
Big Macintosh smiled, feeling a sense of new determination in his belly before nodding firmly, quickly turning around and trotting out into the world of melting snow.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a long period of silence that Caramel had grown accustomed to filling his home once Sage had left. Nothing but the crackling of the fire would fill his ears in this moment as his stuffed his pills into his saddlebag, feeling his belly toss and turn as he squirmed nervously, blanket still resting on his back as it draped over his body.
Mac kept coming to his mind, nothing in particular about him, just the simple thought of having to see him today… how he was going to force himself to see him..
“O-Okay…” He spoke aloud, breaking the deafening silence that was his thoughts taking form and weighing him down, telling him to give up and go back to coloring in his book… the one he had left on the floor in front of the couch. However the stallion quickly shook his head, ignoring his pounding heart of nerves. “N-No… I have to… I gotta…”
There was a pause in his words as the stallion sighed, for he had no idea what he planned to do once he actually went out that door and into the snow. It was a hard question to answer considering when he thought about it his belly knotted up, keeping him from breathing properly.
The stallion swallowed hard, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath, breathing in and out to clear his mind of everything, including his worries.
It was the knock on the door that made Caramel yelp in surprise, bringing many of those worries back to him in a sudden rush. He dropped his saddlebag, hearing the pills rattle in their bottles before he quickly trotted out of his room and to the kitchen where the door was in mild frustration. It was only as the knocking came again as his hoof touched the door did he jump, only to angrily groan under his breath at how nervous he felt.
“H-Hello?” He questioned quickly as he pulled the door open, feeling his words become trapped in his throat as he had to glance up to see the face Big Macintosh, his face looked mildly worried before shifting back to his usual blank and cold expression.
The steed looked down at him with his usual blank look, however it faltered ever so slightly as he breathed in and out quickly, obviously trying to catch his breath… had he run all the way here?
“Evenin’ Caramel.” The steed spoke in a tone that Caramel supposed was casual tone for the steed, a smile appearing on his lips, though his eyes were still worrisome.
“H-Hi…” Caramel knew his cheeks were pink, the only thing going through his mind was how he hadn’t had time to properly groom himself for what he normally liked Mac to see him as… but still, that smile reassured him and his knotted belly.
“Can Ah…” The steed looked around the house, shivering as a sudden gust of wind hit his body.
“O-Oh… yeah… come in.” Caramel spoke quickly, stepping aside as the steed trotted in, kicking the snow off his hooves before he did so. Once the door was firmly shut, Caramel took a moment to stare as the steed pulled his scarf from his neck, his breath still quick, yet more under control.
“Do you want… some… er… water?” Caramel spoke, but before the steed answered he trotted over, making the stallion swallow his words yet again before he felt those legs wrap around him… however what usually filled him with comfort only made his insides squirm, for the steed was very tense and light to the touch, hesitant to hold the other too tightly. It was over as quickly as it began, and Caramel noticed Mac’s freckles had blended into his fur.
“Sorry… Ah just… it’s good ta see ya, Caramel.” The steed nodded, as if confirming to himself that those were indeed safe words to use. His eyes cast away, his blank expression still remaining as he glanced in the direction of the living room. “And don’t trouble yerself with it, Ah’m fine.”
Caramel didn’t answer, he only bit his lip as he began to long for the near painfully tight warmth the steed usually gave when he was held. He wasn’t ready for this, he wasn’t prepared to even speak as he nodded in response, unable to look at the other.
“We should… sit on the couch, it’s warmer.” Big Mac spoke in a very factual manner, seeming to simply trot off, giving Caramel enough time to walk behind him, the steed sinking his heavy weight into the couch as he tried to sit comfortably, tucking his short tail against his side as he looked at Caramel expectedly.
The stallion didn’t think much as he sat down next to Big Mac, simply because his mind felt as though it were on fire with trying to figure out something, anything to say.
The steed coughed into his hoof as Caramel adjusted himself, beginning to wrap himself tightly in the blanket which he still hadn’t removed. His body felt very exposed as he sat there silently, unable to look Mac in the eye, yet forcing himself to look at his body.
“Caramel… Ah just came ta…” Big Mac stopped, giving Caramel reason to actually look at his face as it twisted in annoyance with himself. “Ah wanted ta…” He stopped again, this time letting out a whinny. “This all went better in ma head…”
Caramel’s belly tightened again, taking note of how the steed hadn’t once called him “Sugar Cube”, the entire conversation lacking a sense of security with the stallion when the fact dawned upon him
“Yesterday Ah know things went a little sour… Ah’ve been thinkin’ bout it since.” He frowned as he scratched his cheek, looking into the crackling fireplace and away from Caramel. “Ah thought ‘bout it like… Like somethin’ went wrong… It's hard ta think ‘bout ya without feelin…. bad ‘bout it…”
“I’m… I’m sorry…” It was the first words Caramel had managed to say. He tightened the blanket around himself as his body shook. He suddenly began to wish her were invisible, that Mac couldn’t watch him in this moment as his own body betrayed his emotions.
“Caramel…?”
“I-I just… I didn’t…” Caramel’s words were coming quickly as he closed his eyes, wanting this moment that he had forced upon himself to lessen its weight on his chest. “I… I didn’t think you would want to be with me like that… E-Even though you said you were my coltfriend and that you l-loved me…” Caramel sniffled, knowing he was going to make a fool of himself. “I didn’t know what I was thinking, I just got scared because… because nopony ever wanted that with me before… I got scared that you wouldn’t like it or that I-I would screw up and everything happened so fast and then you looked upset and I…”
Caramel’s rambling was brought to a halt suddenly when Mac pressed a hoof over his mouth. When the stallion opened his eyes he realized they were watering, and it was only when Mac rubbed his cheek did he realize he had been crying.
He bit his lip, feeling ashamed as he trembled, trying to hold back his emotions as he sniffled. He wanted to hide, wanted more than anything for Mac to not look at him as he became more of a wreck. He tried to turn his head away, but Mac held his chin in place, a worried expression dancing behind his eyes.
“D-Do you… s-still wanna be my c-coltfriend?” Caramel managed to stutter out, the question burning in his mind as more tears spilled out. He instantly realized how stupid of a question it had been when Mac leaned in, hunching over to hug him tightly, this time with the care he liked. It was warm, and despite how rough the steed’s fur was, comforting.
“Course, Sugar Cube…” He buried his face in Caramel’s mane, breathing in deeply as he held the small pony as if he were glass, gentle so not to damage and tight so not to slip away. “Ah’m sorry… Ah probably scared ya comin’ here outta the blue… Ah just didn’t wanna beat ‘round the bush… P-Please don’t cry… A-Ah ain’t good at fixin’ ponies when they’re cryin’... this is why Ah hate talkin’ things out…”
“I-It’s f-fine…” Caramel whimpered as the lie in his chest felt like it bursting, still trying to put a tight lid over his emotions as he sniffled and trembled, the fear inside him slowly whittling down the more he realized just how comforting the tight embrace felt. Hooves began to rub his back in soothing circles.
“Ah meant what Ah said…” Mac spoke when he pulled away, keeping Caramel close by leaving his hooves on his shoulders as he looked directly in his eyes. “And Ah love ya…”
Caramel couldn’t help but feel his eyes must be burning red, his face wet and soggy… but still, Mac said it. And Mac had never lied to him.
“I… I love you too.” He spoke softly, cheeks pink once more as he buried his face in a patch of soft fluffy fur on the other’s chest once he was allowed to do so. He sat there for a few moments, listening to the heartbeat of the steed beat in his ear. It was a comforting sound, one that warmed his icy fear.
The tan stallion tightened his hoof over a patch of fur on the other’s chest. “I… I’ve thought about it a lot… y-you… o-on me… D-Doing what you wanted yesterday… h-having me.” He knew his cheeks were only growing darker in color when he spoke, but he continued on. “B-But I never… I’m scared I won’t… What if… I didn’t do any good… w-what if I made you not want it anymore…”
“Ah was just doin’ what Ah thought felt right.” Mac spoke with a sheepish grin when Caramel pulled away. He scratched his cheek and chuckled as his smile stayed even when he tried to wipe it away. “Ah liked it… b-before ya made me stop…” He smile vanished as fast as it came. “S-Sorry… Ah don’t want ya feelin’ uncomfortable… S-Shouldn’t have said that…”
“Have you… thought about it at all?” Caramel questioned the steed quickly.
Big Macintosh shrugged his shoulders as he glanced back to the fire. “Not much before… Ah just… N-Not ta say Ah thought it wouldn’t be no good, n-no, Ah thought it’d be nice and… Y-Ya doin’ bad never crossed my mind… A-Ah don’t normally think of plo-... er… doin’ that with stallions… b-but ah just wanted it with ya right then… S-Sorry… s-shouldn’t make ya feel...” His works usually skittish and face red, Mac was at least telling the truth.
“I…” Caramel trailed off as he ignored the apology, pulling the blanket off his body at last, taking a deep breath as he settled his nerves. “Do you…still want to do it?”
“No,” Mac answered quickly as he sat up straight. “Ah don’t want ya…”
“Forget about me.” Caramel interrupted with mild agitation in his voice. “Just… do you still want it like… like you did yesterday?
It wasn’t hard to notice the silence and squirming Mac did in the moment as he thought long and hard about how to answer that question. After a while, he simply looked at Caramel, the freckles on his face still missing, and simply nodded his head.
Caramel felt nerves pierce his heart, the enthusiasm in his silent answer making the guilt rise up again.
“D-Do you think we could… t-try… a-again?” He forced the question, realizing there was no way he would be able to ask it casually. He began nervously fiddling with his hooves as he bit into his lip. “I… I don’t want to be afraid of it… m-maybe if we go slow I might…”
“Sugar Cube…” The steed knew his eyes flashed with interest that he forced to die down to replace it with concern. “Ah don’t want ya panickin’... aren’t ya still not feelin’ well?” He questioned with a worried tilt of his head.
“A-Actually I feel better today…” Caramel forced a gentle smile. “B-But that isn’t the point… I just… I know you want it, a-and it isn’t fair for me to… I mean I don’t want to make you unhappy… b-but that aside… I really… I mean I kind of…” He swallowed hard, closing his eyes. “Please… I want to get over this together… and I want you to have me…”
There was a brief silence before Big Macintosh slid off the couch, glancing down to Caramel.
“Ah need ta go buy some things… it won’t be as scary if we get… er…” He trailed off with his freckles turning pink. “Supplies… If ya change yer mind before Ah get back ya tell me and Ah’ll… A-Ah ain’t havin’ ya bein’ terrified cause Ah want it.” His tone sounded much more like a parent now as he raised his hoof, pointing directly to Caramel as his eyes sunk deep into him. “C-Cause… Ah ain’t gonna plow ya if yer scared.”
“I…” Caramel trailed off, the thought Mac actually going through with “Plowing him” made his heart both leap and sink. “I’ll be fine.” He forced his voice to keep steady, forced his fears to take a back seat for one moment as he nodded firmly. “You’re gonna… p-plow me…”
His firm tone didn’t last long, soon lips pressed to his forehead, making his face soften and heart thump deep in his chest at what he had just said. He had actually said it, somehow the words had slipped out.
“Ah’ll be right back Sugar… sit tight.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Not here for rating purposes, if you are uncomfortable with clop, simply move on ahead and enjoy the rest of the chapter, you aren't missing too much plot wise.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was as Big Macintosh pulled the blanket from the bed did he sigh loudly, the running water from the nearby bathroom filled his ears as he glanced out the window. It was already late… and he knew deep down he couldn’t bring himself to leave. He took the blanket out and set it aside, glad that Caramel at least did seem to have a blanket that wasn’t in use underneath it, albeit thinner. he made a mental note to ask Caramel where he cleaned his blankets when he came out of the bathroom.
He wandered around Caramel’s room for a few minutes, taking care not to touch or look at anything too personal as he shoved the oil and lubrication he had purchased earlier into the nightstand drawer.
Eventually the steed trotted out of the room and down the hall in the direction where the water was coming from. He took a moment before knocking his hoof against the door, pressing his ear against it.
“Y-Yeah?” Caramel’s surprised voice came from over the running water.
“Ya doin’ alright?” He questioned through the door, leaning against it a moment before settling himself down. “It ain’t still.. bleedin’, is it?” He spoke in a voice that made it far too obvious he was worried. “Ya want me ta help?”
“N-No, I’m fine… just…” Caramel trailed off, and for a moment nothing but the running of water was audible. “I’m just trying to get everything off. B-Besides, I don’t really need to be started at while I shower.”
“Little late fer modesty Sugar.” Mac chuckled, glad to hear the other giggle in return as he smiled happily, standing up again before stretching his back. He trotted back to the living room, sighing as he settled down in front of the fire, yawning lazily as he laid his body down before the fire with a grin on his face. He was tired, but it was a good exhaustion, one where he felt as though he earned it.
He turned his body over so the embers left in the fire could warm his back, and it was at this moment did his eyes spot an open book partially pushed under the couch. He raised a brow in confusion before scooting his body over, grasping the book in hoof and pulling it out.
He watched as colors unfolded onto the page as it hit the light, he recognized the book as one of Caramel’s own. he slowly flipped through the pages before he found a picture that was only half finished… it looked oddly bare, some places only half colored in.
The steed brushed his hoof against the page, watching as a crayon rolled out from under his hoof. He gazed at it a moment before picking it up, dragging it across the page before he colored in a ladybug silently, his hoof sometimes pressing too roughly into the picture, causing areas to be much darker than others, the colors never quite filling the lines as neatly as Caramel’s did. He had only managed to find a few colors on the thought, so the second half of the river had to be green, a couple of leaves yellow.
He smiled to himself when he finished the messy picture, while it wasn’t exactly nice to look at, it was at least better than before.
“Mac?” Caramel’s voice came from behind him, his eyes turning in the direction to see the damp stallion drying his mane with a green towel, his face resting in a frown as he trotted forward, his steps a little awkward before he finally was standing over the steed, glancing into the book. “You… finished it?” He questioned as he laid down next to the other, pressing his body against the other’s with little hesitation.
“Eeyup.” Mac nodded with a grin on his face that he wasn’t showing to Caramel. “It looked a little… empty.” He gave a shrug when he spoke. “Just got a little bored waiting for ya.”
“Glad to know I’m your source of entertainment.” Caramel giggled when he spoke, filling Mac with warmth that he hadn’t felt in quite some time. “You smell fruity.”
“All ya got is fruity soap.” Mac ran a hoof through his unusually soft mane, it was still a tad damp from his own shower. He nuzzled the other’s ear when he felt Caramel’s tail wrap around his own, the stallion beginning to touch the page.
“You’re not that good at coloring.” Caramel jabbed as he laid his head on his front legs. “And what kind of sky is yellow?”
“It’s evenin’” Mac defended himself.
“The river is half green.”
“Eeyup.”
Caramel burst out laughing at that answer, having to bury his mouth in his legs to keep from making a fool of himself. He could feel Mac’s body shake as he laughed, albeit quieter. It was a nice moment… a quiet one.
“This is…” Caramel spoke as he dried his mane once more with the towel before tossing it aside, his cheeks growing hot as his mind glossed over the details. “This has got to be one of my favorite nights…” He squirmed in place for a moment before he glanced to Big Macintosh. “Y-You’re staying… right?” He questioned nervously, unsure if it was impolite to ask something so bluntly. “I-I mean, I don’t wanna pressure you to do it…”
“Course Ah’m stayin… though yer bed’s a little small.” Mac grinned when he spoke, nudging Caramel in the side.
“It fit us both just fine earlier.” Caramel spoke, turning away from Big Macintosh as he was given a devious grin, his face feeling hot again. “S-Shut up…”
“Ah didn’t say nothin’”
Caramel let the moment pass, knowing he would only embarrass himself if he continued to go on. He swallowed hard as he let his mind wander to going to sleep with Mac there beside him, the thought on its own brought a grin to his face.
“Ya seem happy.” Mac mentioned, brushing aside a loose strand of hair from Caramel’s face. “Lot happier than ya did earlier… are ya feelin’ okay now?”
The tan stallion nodded his head in response, his face still in a grin when he turned to look at Big Macintosh, sitting up with a stretch of his legs. “A lot actually… it’s just weird thinking back to a month ago… I didn’t think Ah’d ever lay next to a fire with another stallion…” He looked down at his hooves, pulling at the rug. “M-Maybe it’s weird… but it’s nice to worry about things like if my coltfriend is upset that I’m not moving fast enough for him… instead of when my next shot appointment is…”
“What’s all this ‘bout?” Big Macintosh questioned when he sat up as well, touching the other’s back with a gentle placement of his hoof.
“It’s…” Caramel’s face twisted as he tried to explain himself. “It’s… like this picture.” He pointed to the coloring book. “You… helped me move on when I was too worried to finish… And it isn’t like you fixed everything… but I don’t feel like I’m leading myself into a dead end anymore.” He smiled to himself as he stroked his damp mane, glancing to the steed before craneing out his neck and pecking his cheek.
There was a moment of silence when Big Macintosh pressed lips to his nose, pulling away with a nod of his head to show he understood. There were a few moments while Caramel giggled at the other.
“It’s getting late…” Caramel spoke, looking at the white smoking remains of the fire. “Sage won’t be home for a while… but he normally doesn’t like it when I stay up past him, especially when I just recovered from a cold… b-besides… that was a lot more tiring than I imagined…”
The stallion didn’t stop to be embarrassed by Big Mac’s grin before he turned around, trotting to the direction of his dark room. He flicked on the lamp before staring at one of the bags that Big Macintosh had left laying on his floor. He reached into it, pulling out one of the candles with a tiny smile on his face.
He opened his nightstand, shuffling through it’s mess for a few seconds before pulling out a small matchbook, quickly striking a flame and watching the candle come alive as he put it on the table.
“Aren’t ya the one who said that was cliche?” Big Macintosh questioned as he trotted in, staring at the small flame before a scent of cinnamon hit his nose.
“Still nice.” Caramel responded with a grin. His eyes glanced out of the window, watching through the darkness as he realized that the snow outside was not in fact falling as snow, but a light drizzle of rain.
His smile faltered for a moment, looking down at his hooves briefly, knowing Big Macintosh’s questioning eyes were boring into him. He didn’t have to wait for him to ask “What’s wrong Sugar Cube.” But he let the words come out anyway, that nickname making him feel warm.
“Nothing just…” He paused as he continued to stare at the light rainfall. “I guess the snow really is melting soon… Winter Wrap up is in a few weeks, isn’t it?”
“Eeyup” Big Macintosh responded.
“It’ll be harder to see you in Spring…” Caramel trailed off with a touch of annoyance in his tone. “I mean, you’ll be working almost every day trying to get the apples to grow and stay healthy… my body is a little better when it’s warmer though… Do you think I could help you out some…?” He turned to look at Big Macintosh. “I-I don’t really want to be paid… I just… Thing will be different.”
Big Macintosh watched as Caramel trailed off. He shrugged his own shoulders before sitting on the bed. “Ah don’t work that much. Only reason Ah don’t go out much ‘side from work is cause there ain’t nothin’ ta do…”
“We could… go on more dates.” Caramel spoke up. “I like the park in Spring… it’s always nice there when the birds come out… I didn’t like the restaurant all that much… I don’t know how you feel about the movies, but maybe we could try it…”
“Cara…?’ Big Macintosh questioned the other, waiting for those eyes to meet his own before he smiled. “Yer thinkin’ too far ahead.”
“S-Sorry.” Caramel responded, glad to know Mac was at least smiling at him. “But… things we do feel more important after tonight.” He felt his face blush when he thought about it, but shook it off once again. “I don’t want things to change too fast… but I’m glad they’re moving forward.”
“Ah’m glad too Sugar Cube.” The other responded with a light hearted laugh. “But don’t worry… cause right now it don’t matter what’s comin’ up… cause Ah love ya.”
The word love was thrown out again, and Caramel once again felt his face ache from how long his smile kept. He nodded his head, Mac’s words always able to reach him like that… Everything felt a little easier when it was the steed who turned out the light and hopped up onto the stressed mattress himself, grabbing for candlelight.
The light of the candle cast shadows on their faces when Mac turned to Caramel, his eyes staring into his own.
“Everythin’ is gonna be fine Sugar… We’re a team now…” He reached out to touch the other’s cheek with his hoof, feeling his head nod before he himself grinned.
“I… I like that…” Caramel spoke, his voice soft as mac’s warm gave stared back at him.
Big Macintosh blew out the candle, for a moment leaving the room in pitch black darkness. And in the middle of it all, Caramel found his lips.
Everything was going to be different now… but a part of Caramel couldn’t help but feel excited.
Perhaps this was where life truly began.