//------------------------------// // Six // Story: Hands // by Andrew Joshua Talon //------------------------------// Hands A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction By Andrew J. Talon DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fanbased work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro, and the reinvention of the lovely Lauren Faust. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release. - - - - - - The human form of Twilight smirked at me across the bed, her legs crossed but raised up so that her thighs were exposed to present a tantalizing hint of panties underneath her skirt. She had completed the transformation, for the most part. Her skin was still purple and the horn still stuck out of her forehead, but otherwise she was the picture of an attractive young homo sapiens. Really, if you’re going to resist sleeping with a girl because of her skin color, you’re not just racist, you’re stupid. And the horn on her head just made her look cuter. Now, I liked her pony form just fine, but her human form was just... Sexy. In a way that didn’t make me feel uncomfortable at all. "You know Andrew Shepherd," she said, playing with a lock of her hair, "I'm still very much interested in human sexuality." She blushed deeply, but held that sexy smile of hers. “There’s so much to learn, and I frankly would like to...” and here she licked her lips, “Experiment with it.” "Well," I managed a confident tone, smiling right back though my head felt hot enough to combust, "I'm more than happy to experiment with you." "Good," She said brightly. "I hope you don't mind if I've included Fluttershy in our experiments?" And down she came, literally angelic as the spell to make her mostly human had not taken away her wings. It had given her a dynamite figure though that was readily apparent thanks to her nakedness, and she blushed at my stare. "Andrew, I really, really need you," she said. "Now then," Twilight said, now wearing a director's hat while an animated camera began rolling, "action!" "Wait, you're recording this?" I said, blinking. "Isn't that a little forward-?" “It’s for science!” Twilight declared. “Fluttershy’s the control subject, I’ll be the actual test subject. But,” and here her blush deepened, “don’t hold back with her.” Okay. This was officially the greatest day of my life. Well, okay, the greatest day of my life involving sex. I didn’t rank them all just by that, thank you very much. Coming to Equestria and meeting aliens with magical powers was definitely up there. But you’ll have to forgive my primal instincts for declaring the contest over. They weren’t exactly using the higher brain functions, after all. "Andrew? If you could, please," Fluttershy insisted. I sighed, took hold of her luscious hips, and pinned her to the bed with a smile. She squeaked, and blushed cutely. "Sorry Fluttershy, didn't mean to ignore you. So... Have you done anything like this before, or-" I was flipped onto my back with Fluttershy on top. "Woah! Guess you have!" She took hold of my shoulders... And shook me violently. "Passion!" Twilight cried. "Andrew, wake up please! I mean, if you really want to, please!" Fluttershy cried. I don't know if any of you feel the same way, but when I wake up, it almost feels like I'm falling off the side of a building into my body. In this case, there was the sensation of being shaken awake, and when I opened my eyes Fluttershy was on top of me. Unfortunately she was in pony form at the time. Hey, like you wouldn't still be a little uncomfortable with the idea of intimacy with beings who look like horses despite being sapient. Well... Uncomfortable about writing it down, anyway. "Ohh..." I looked at the clock with a groan. "Fluttershy... It's three in the morning..." "Well, um," Fluttershy said, "Twilight sent a message to you." "She did?" I cleared out of my drowsy state fast, and sat up quickly enough to knock Fluttershy onto the floor. "Ah! Sorry!" I reached down to help her back up to her hooves. "N-No, it's all right," Fluttershy said. "She just sent for you urgently." I quickly pulled on my pants and buttoned up my shirt. I pulled on a belt, and a very nice canvas jacket Rarity had made for me a few days after I arrived. My shoes were next, simple black faux leather boots that had come with me from Earth. Magical repair and cleanup made it easy to maintain them, and being faux leather I never offended any cows. "Did she say what it was?" I asked, as I pulled on my gun. I had added a strap to the gun so I could wear it over my shoulder. As Rarity had made it, I got the feeling I was carrying a purse that happened to be a gun, but hell-It was a pretty badass gun and the strap didn't even dig into my shoulder. Fashionable and functional. "No, just that it was ur-urgent," Fluttershy said, holding her hoof over her mouth. I nodded and headed downstairs for the door. "I'll be back as soon as I-" I opened the door, and a carrot shot right for my face. "BWAH!" I ducked, as a dozen more carrots shot over my head. I slowly looked up, and then back at the carrots that had outlined the form of Fluttershy against the wall. "Ee-Eep," Fluttershy whimpered. I sighed and looked over at Angel, who was pounding his fist on the table angrily. "Nice try," I said flatly. The rabbit scowled. I shook my head and looked at Fluttershy. "Remember Fluttershy, a frying pan works wonders," I said flatly. I turned my head back to the door, as a last carrot hit me right in the middle of my forehead. "GAH!" While rubbing my forehead, I saw Angel celebrating with what appeared to be an endzone dance. "Angel!" Fluttershy admonished. I sighed, turned, and ran out the door for Twilight's library. "Yeah, this is a great start to the day," I grumbled as I went out into the still crisp night. - - - - - - I at last made it to Twilight's library tree, which was lit up very helpfully like a beacon. Panting a bit, as I'd run the whole way, I took a moment to catch my breath at the door before knocking on it. A moment later, an equally exhausted Spike opened the door and stared up at me with a look that was the epitome of "I don't get paid enough for this shit." Frankly I was kind of envious of it. I couldn't do that look nearly as well. "She's in there," Spike said, pointing to the inside. "Do I need the gun?" I asked. "No, but I'm going to need it soon," Spike grumbled. I entered, bending down a bit before standing up fully inside the library. I blinked as I saw my girlfriend rummaging through papers and scribbling calculations on a blackboard. "Twilight?" I asked. "Oh good, Andrew!" Twilight said quickly. "Come over here!" I walked over, feeling far more than a little concerned. "Yes? What is it?" "I haven't made a schedule for the month after this month!" Twilight said earnestly, as though the end of the world was upon us. My jaw must have been closed at some point, but at the moment it didn't feel that way. "Fwuh?" I asked intelligently. Twilight nodded frantically. "I know, horrible isn't it?" I stared in shock, but long experience with girlfriends made me choose my next words carefully. "Well... It's a problem," I said carefully. Twilight looked back and blinked. "Yes! A very big problem!" Twilight said urgently. "And I need your help to organize it! I need to find time to write out my schedule for next month!" I sighed, put my gun aside, and began looking through Twilight's numerous parchments and sheets of paper. "You know, this might be a whole lot easier if you organized your schedule into a single book," I said calmly. I frowned. "Meeting with the Hay Association? Why are you meeting with the Hay Association?" "I do consulting work for organizations to make them more organized," Twilight said. She frowned at me for a moment. "Didn't I tell you that?" "Might have skipped my mind, I've been a bit busy myself," I said patiently, sorting through more papers. "How busy have you been? I made out your schedule myself, you've got plenty of free time," Twilight said, reorganizing her papers into a single pile with a bit of magic. "I've actually been meaning to talk to you about that, all this free time..." "It's kind of the nature of my work, Twilight," I said back. I frowned as I read through the numerous books Twilight had on her to do list. Certainly, I read a lot myself but she'd plotted it down practically to the picosecond how long it would take to read each one. “Contract work. I only get a job when ponies need me.” "Still! There is just so much to do, you really should make more efficient use of your time," Twilight said. "Right, all that wasted time sleeping," I said with a little wink. Twilight shook her head. "If only I could eliminate that completely," she sighed wistfully. I rolled my eyes and returned to my search. Not that I didn't understand her frustration, but... Well... She may have been nice, and a kickass unicorn, but my girlfriend had her own foibles. Same as anyone else, really. And it wasn’t like I was free of them myself. Some time later, after reading through her very, very extensive schedule, I thought I had found what she was looking for. "Okay... How about dropping the meeting with the Ponyville Bird Watchers association?" I suggested, holding up a piece of her schedule. Twilight frowned and checked a few other pieces of paper. She shook her head. "I can't, I had to reschedule it last month. And they're always so..." "Flighty?" I suggested. Twilight gave me a scowl. "This isn't the time for jokes, Andrew." "This isn't the time to be awake, either," I yawned. Twilight sighed. "What else is there?" She asked. I shuffled through more papers in my pile, as she went back to hers. "Well... You could always cancel out on the Apple Family picnic," I suggested. "Oh no! No no no, I can't!" Twilight said. "Why not? Applejack would understand," I said. "You could just reschedule." "Yeah, but the only other time I would have would be..." She trailed off. I looked at her. "What?" "Our date," Twilight said, looking a bit embarrassed. "Our, uh, fourth date actually. We discuss our family histories and relationships then." At my blank expression she continued. "Our first date consisted of finding out mutual and differing interests. Second date consisted of experimenting with those interests to see which are compatible between us both, and which are not. Third will be to explore some of our psychological hangs ups, fourth is for issues of family-" "You've really planned that far ahead?" I asked in disbelief. "Do you even listen to me?" Twilight asked, exasperated. "I've planned this out to the letter so that our relationship has the best chance of succeeding!" "Well, didn't you think to ask me about this?" I asked, irritated. "I mean, I am in this too!" "Do you have a problem with the progression of events?" Twilight asked. I thought about it. I guess I had noticed a general theme of each outing’s conversation, driven by Twilight. I had taken it in stride because we were enjoying ourselves. "Well no but-" "Then what's the problem?" Twilight demanded. She stomped her hooves on the floor angrily. "I have so much to keep track of that right now it feels like the entire thing is going to fall apart!" I sighed and wrapped my arms around her neck to hug her. Look, there are times you stand up for yourself in a relationship (like if your partner is emotionally manipulating you), and times you just comfort them because they're not playing a power game: They're just frustrated due to who they are. This was the latter. "Relax Twilight, it's not the end of the world," I said, bumping my head against hers. "You've already handled that, remember? Twice. I'm just a little sleep deprived right now, that's all." She sighed back. "Right... Sorry," she said softly. I smiled at her. "Relax, we'll find the time somewhere, really," I insisted. "We can talk about all that other stuff later." Yeah, sometimes you didn’t need to just bang through everything in one conversation. It can be exhausting. "When I find the time," Twilight said, looking over her schedule. My shoulders drooped. "All right... Then we find the time and then I'm going to sleep, forever," I said, in my best Pinkie Pie impression. Twilight giggled and pulled away. "Okay!" It was... Hell, I don't know how long it was. All I know is that one moment I'm looking outside at the night, then I yawn, and when next I look back out... "Nngh... How long has the sun been up?" I blinked rapidly and winced. "Okay! I've got it!" Twilight said cheerfully. I started, and looked back at Twilight who was pacing around with a triumphant look on her face. "I just have to reschedule lunch with Pinkie Pie, move up the meeting with the Hay Association and I'll have plenty of time to plan for next month!" "Good," I said, covering my mouth while I yawned. Twilight smiled at me. "Thanks for your help, Andrew." I blinked. "But I didn't do anything..." "You helped me eliminate several possibilities, that's always helpful!" Twilight said cheerfully. I smiled back, leaning over. I rested my chin on my fist. "Good," I yawned. "Good thing I don't have any work to do today..." I smiled at her. "We could have date three today if you'd like..." "Andrew Shepherd! I just reshuffled half my schedule today," Twilight said wearily. "I don't have the time or energy to do it-" "Okay, okay, it was just a thought," I said, my hands held up. "Sorry!" "My schedule is pretty much set," She said. She looked apologetic. "I'm very sorry, but there's just no way I can make time today-" The wind began to pick up. Which was weird, seeing how we were inside and the windows were shut. An orb of light appeared in the center of the room, glowing and pulsing as wind swirled around it furiously. Pieces of paper and parchment danced about, as the orb grew in size as bolts of lightning streaked from it. Then, with a final flash... Another purple unicorn in a body hugging rubber suit, crazy hairstyle, and eyepatch appeared. She rose up onto her hooves, and looked around. "Twilight! Andrew!" She cried. "Not today," I quipped. I would have come up with something better, but my weird shit-o-meter had just broken. Plus, I was still tired. "Twilight, you've got to listen to me!" The other Twilight cried. "Who are you? I mean, you're me, but I'm me too. How can there be two 'me's? It's not scientifically possible. You are not scientifically possible!" Twilight gasped. "I'd say she's from the future," said I, sounding far more calm than I really felt. I wasn't even sure I was awake. Usually dreams with two Twilights involve them both in her sexy human form and whipped cream. ... Hey, I have my tastes, you have yours. "Yes! I'm from the future!" Future Twilight confirmed. My Twilight gasped. "Oh geez... What happened to you? You look terrible, the future must be awful! Is there some kind of horrible pony war? Did humans invade?" She gasped. "How has my relationship with Andrew progressed?" "Actually, I'm from next Tuesday morning, but that's not important right now!" the Future Twilight said gravely. "Now, you really need to listen-" "So the humans are going to invade next Tuesday?" I would have expressed a little confusion and offense at that but Future Twilight interrupted me. "No, they don't!" Future Twilight said. "Look, I need to-!" "How did I time travel anyway?" Twilight asked. "The time spells are found in the Starswirl the Bearded wing of the Royal Library," Future Twilight said quickly. "Why did you come back in time then?" I decided to cut to the chase, as Twilight was taking a breath to prepare for a whole new slew of questions. "I don't have much time, so I need to tell you this! Something vitally important!" Future Twilight said. "What? What? What happens next Tuesday?" Twilight asked eagerly. Future Twilight took a deep breath as she began to glow again. "Whatever you do, no matter what, you absolutely must not-!" And then she was gone, leaving myself and Twilight both feeling mighty confused. Well, confused and miffed. "Humans invade?" I asked, offended. "Why would you leap to that conclusion?" "It's not like it'd be your fault!" Twilight protested. "But you are heavily armed and well organized for such an invasion. It just seemed like a possibility..." "You could have asked something else," I said flatly. I then had another possibility hit my mind. "Unless... You like the idea of humanity invading and making you run around in skin tight latex and an eye patch," I said suspiciously. Twilight blushed heavily and shook her head. "Th-That’s ridiculous! Right now we have bigger problems!" She turned and dashed for the door. "Come on! We need to warn everypony!" I sighed and got up. "It'd be a lot easier to save the world on a full stomach, Twilight." "Well..." "Unless you'd like me to mention Future Twilight's hot attire," I suggested. Twilight blinked and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "It was hot?" She asked. I blushed and coughed furiously. "Uh, er, well... My hunger point still stands!" "I agree," Spike spoke up at last, coming downstairs with a loud yawn. "Geez, you two are loud and you’re not even doing anything-" "Oh, all right, we'll eat on the way!" She said with a huff. "Let's go! We've got to save Ponyville!" - - - - - - You asked for more, you got more. And yes, there is a lot of mentioning of sex but it’s a natural subject to come to mind when you’re isolated from your own species. It’s not the only part of Andrew’s character though. And indeed, won’t be the main focus of this arc at all. Could have been worse: I could have focused on him getting drunk for St. Patty's Day. In regards to Twilight's human form: She hasn't quite perfected it yet, though more experimentation with it (and perhaps other ponies trying out the same thing) will be coming in the future. I'm still not doing a clop fic though. While this chapter has been completed quickly, the others may not come as fast depending on my schedule. I’m afraid I’m not as organized as Twilight. So just hang tight, or, if you want, feel free to write your own adventures of Andrew Shepherd. Yes, that is his full name. Blame Mass Effect 2 for influencing me. "Talon" does not sound like a very realistic surname anyway. Until next time!