Taphephobia

by ConteAmarula

Chapter 1

             Dazzle trotted down the street at a brisk pace, she practically glowing with happiness. Though her outward appearance might suggest she was simply in a good mood, inwardly she was ecstatic. Exams were done and, for the next six months, she wouldn't have to worry about them. For the next six months she was free from: tests, of any sort ; teachers who clearly didn’t want to be there; Her fellow classmates who didn't show up, didn't do work, and yet somehow felt they had the right to complain about their grades;  lunch lady Straight Chaser, who gave her dirty looks; and most importantly, all the ponies she called 'friends' simply because her real friends went to different schools. For the next six months she was free and there was not a thing anyone could do to change that.
 
                 Coming to a stop, Dazzle reached out a hoof and pulled open the door to her favourite store. The familiar sound of wind chimes fluttered through the air as she swung it open, alerting the staff they had a customer. It was just a convenience store, but they had somehow managed to gather all the things Dazzle liked best. They carried her favorite pencils (the kind that sharpen the best); all four types of her favourite sodas, even the elusive Buzz and Buck Orange Creamaganza that you could only get in Trottingham; Plushie Hooves Socks in seven colours (one for each day of the week); Resident Discord the Comic, of which she owned every book in the series: and of course her reason for her to be there today, Nerds. 

With a quick wave to Butter Milk -the stallion that owned the place- Dazzle made a beeline right for the candy aisle and immediately began the arduous process of picking which flavour of Nerds she wanted. Not an undertaking to be taken lightly as a bad choice would ruin her mood and make the rest of the walk home less enjoyable. She could go with Lemon and Blueberry, though her love of Lemon didn’t diminish her dislike of Blueberry. There was orange but that came with Raspberry, which she liked even less than Blueberry. They came out with Banana last month, which she loved, but for some reason the idiots in marketing decided that the best flavour to go with Banana was Sour Peach. Dazzle stuck her tongue out at the mere thought of that; banana and peach alone don't mix well and they went and added sour into the mix.

 As the mare's brain began working in overdrive weighing all the options in regards to picking the perfect candy she began to tap a hind hoof in a nervous fashion. She was starting to become very claustrophobic and it was causing her to panic a little and lose focus on the candy. A look around the isle real quick determined the cause.
 
"Ah" She muttered to herself. She was so excited about her candy she didn't notice the large bins she walked past that sat in the middle of the aisle, making the area smaller and more cramped. The bins were filled with all manner of odds and ends, everything from disposable razors to what appeared to be cherry flavoured condoms. Dazzle scoffed and rolled her eyes, her nervousness quickly turning into annoyance. Mint Fresh -Butter Milk’s husband- had talked about adding these in last week. Dazzle herself and Butter Milk had desperately tried to get him to change his mind, explaining it would make things too cramped. Butter Milk apparently lost that argument, and just like he and Dazzle had said, the place was far too crowded.

Returning to the candy, her annoyance counteracting the claustrophobia quite nicely, she resumed trying to pick which flavours she wanted. Managing to spend a full five minutes on the task before settling on Lemon and Blueberry, making a mental note to send another letter to the Flim and Flam’s Funfectionary Candy Factory suggesting they sell the flavours separately. That way you could mix and match the ones you liked. Satisfied  with her choice, Dazzle made her way to the cash and gave Butter Milk a warm smile. "Hey BUTTer Milk." she giggled, placing her candy on the counter.
 
"Har har you cheeky little shit. Never heard that one before." The stallion behind the counter chuckled and held out a hoof. "Okay, one bit." Dazzle paid the stallion and looked back to see if anyone else was waiting in line. The store was totally dead -unsurprising for this time of day- so the young mare decided to stick around for some chitchat. Leaning on the counter and giving her friend a big smile.
 
"How have ya been Milky? I noticed you've changed the store a bit. New paint job?"
 
He sighed "Yeaaaaaah…. what can I say? I was doing really well up until he pointed out we hadn't tested out the new flavoured condoms." Dazzle laughed and raised a hoof.
 
"Niiiice! If your gonna sell out, it might as well be for blow jobs from a cute colt." The stallion laughed and high hoofed the mare. "Sooo…how do they taste?"
 
"Like you'd expect really, just lick your fore leg and…OH! You mean the condoms. Well… they all taste like what they're supposed to…if strawberries were made from latex. Seriously, the flavour is there its just…well… it doesn't cover up the latex taste."
 
Dazzle makes an exaggerated sad face in response to this. "Awwwww…sorry to hear that big guy."  He shakes his head.
 
"No, no. Its okay. I'd rather have a sorta latex taste than full latex. And the puns, oh Celestia it was worth it just for the puns."
 
"…. Puns?" she said, tilting her head "What kind of…please tell me you didn't do the ones I’m thinking of!?" The stallion smiled wide "…wow…okay. Yeah. I’m outta here. Feeling claustrophobic anyway. See-ya butt ass." Butter laughed and waved.
 
"See-ya around whore face."
 
"You know it!" returning the wave Dazzle exited the store and continued her trot home, cracking open her box of nerds and stopping now and again to pour a mouth full into her waiting maw. It was after a few blocks that despite being outside she was still felt very claustrophobic. There wasn’t even any ponies out and about to crowd the sidewalks. Yet she still felt like she was enclosed inside something, as if the sky itself was shrinking and bearing down upon her. Coming to a stop the concerned and annoyed mare turned and faced a store window. The store had been out of business for months so the inside was dark, allowing for the glass of the large window to be used as a decent mirror. She stared at her self for a long time, taking in everything she could about herself. The overworked temporarily ex-student looked tired, rightfully so. Three weeks of nonstop studying and late nights every night are enough to leave anyone rather haggard. After a few minutes of careful scrutiny, Dazzle determined that she probably just needed a good nights rest. 

Deciding that sleep sounded like an excellent idea Dazzle made to continue her trek home. However she couldn't bring herself to move, her hooves seemed rooted in place, and her eyes were transfixed with her reflection. Because of her last exam she had been in an extreme state of panic all day, so much so she never noticed how odd her chest felt till just now. Her innards felt cold, but not the kind of cold you get from leaving a hoof under cold water for too long. More like the cold of the wind,  like a gentle breeze was blowing into her chest and caressing all of her organs. She could clearly see in the reflection that nothing was wrong with herself.

Deciding the strange coldness was caused by lack of sleep she turned to head home, but stopped and returned to her reflection a moment. Her natural curiosity took over and she brought a hoof up to her chest to where it felt like the wind was coming from. Expecting to feel the soft touch of her own coat, the mare was surprised to find the area wet. But not just wet, it was almost slimy, and crusty at the same time as if something was oozing out of her and some of it had dried into her coat. She quickly pulled her hoof away and examined the spot. Nothing was there, just like a second ago before she placed her hoof. With the same hoof she began to touch other parts of her body, expecting to feel the same sticky crustiness but finding quickly that it was just that one spot. She tried with her other hoof and received the same result; it was just that one spot on her chest.

Curious, confused, and a little afraid, Dazzle returned a hoof to the source of the odd sensation and held it there, taking in all the information her brain was receiving, trying her damnedest to properly describe what she was feeling. She moved her hoof around slowly and tried to find words to best describe the sensation. It felt like she was touching the remains of a pumpkin that had been smashed on the ground and left to rot. It was uneven and bumpy with what could only be described as 'chunks' hanging here and there; it was wet and mushy but not quite at the stage where touching it would cause it to fall apart, it was a sickly feeling, like she was touching something she shouldn't; parts of it were sticky or crusty, like the juices from the rotting gourd had pooled and dried up.

The bile that sat in her belly began to rise,traveling up and burning her esophagus. It caught in her throat that was squeezing itself shut with fear, making it hard to breath. Her heart was racing in her chest but she couldn’t feel it beating, all she could feel was the sticky, crusty, wet, patch. Slowly, very slowly, she forced her hoof to the ground, shivering from the memory of what she had just experienced. Dazzle closed her eyes and took deep, slow breaths; her body quivering slightly as she did. Her fear gripping her lungs and squeezing, making her breaths laboured and almost painful.

After several minutes of deliberate breathing she managed to calm down and once again came to the conclusion that she was simply tired and more than likely suffering from a poor diet after the inordinate amount of junk food she had consumed in place of a real meal. If she could just get home, where she could have a decent meal and take a nap, all would be well. The mare stomped a hoof and nodded resolutely to herself, vowing she wasn't going to let her good mood be spoiled. She forced all bad thoughts violently from her mind and put on a facade of calm and happy that could trick even herself into thinking she was fine. With a quick turn in place Dazzle lifted her nose into the air so she could look down upon her own foolishness and resumed her journey home.
 
 
The remainder of her walk home was uneventful and filled with lemon and blueberry Nerds. She still felt claustrophobic and the faster she moved the worse the cold in her chest became, but she did her best to ignore it all and went on her ‘merry’ way. Desperate to not let anything spoil her mood.
 

Dazzle kicked the front door closed as she walked into her home, leaving it unlocked for her brother who would be home soon. She made her way to the kitchen and tossed her empty candy box in the recycling before rooting around in the fridge. A few minutes later she was headed up the stairs with a tray held in her mouth. Utop it reseted a small bowl of fresh grapes, a bowl of caesar salad and a large fruit smoothie. The tray was carefully placed on the desk in her room after she’d dramatically swiped the contents off with a hoof. The items plummeted to the ground and sustained damage that would be the worry of Dazzle six months from then, when the damaged item would be needed for school. A round pencil sharpener rolled under her bed to join a host of other round objects that had made their way under the mattress sanctuary and numerous other objects bounced and rolled all around the room creating a mess.

Shaking her flank in the manner some might mistake for dancing, Dazzle crossed the room and flicked on her TV, hitting the eject tray button of the built in DVD player. After a quick perusal of the ten movies she owned -one of which was a documentary on fonts she had to watch for a class- she grabbed hold of her copy of Push and put it in the DVD player. There was a few brief seconds of black screen before the disk to start playing. While the movie began to play Dazzle headed to the bathroom to take care business while the movie went through the arduous process of showing trailers for movies she would never bother watching.
 
 A hoof tapped against the floor of the bathroom as the owner sat and tried to complete her business. There was something about bathrooms and the simple task of sitting there and relieving herself that made her think about things she was trying to forget about. As soon as she had sat down she began to feel claustrophobic again and in such a small room it was even worse than before. She had left the door wide open -no one was home- but it wasn’t making a difference When she did finish she quickly whipped, flushed and started washing her hooves in the blink of an eye, aiming to get back to her room as soon as possible and allow the hot body of Crystal Evenings to distract her for an hour and a half. She dried her hooves quickly, tossing the towel in the general direction of the hook it normally hung off of and was about to leave, but stopped when she saw her reflection in the mirror. She stood in front of the sink staring at her reflection. There was nothing on her chest and she could see it much clearer than back at the old dusty window.

There was nothing there, nothing at all. There was not a single hair out of place. She lifted a hoof and pressed it against the same spot as before. She could still feel it, still feel that mess of wrongness that invaded her body. She looked down at herself and moved her hoof. There was nothing there. She looked back at the mirror and once again found the same thing. There was nothing on her chest. She replaced her hoof and began to explore the area again. It felt just like it did before, like she was sticking her hoof into the rotting remains of a pumpkin, or something.

 After several long disturbing minutes of exploration a thought popped into Dazzle’s head and it was a thought that invaded all the synapsis in her brain till she couldn’t focus on anything else. She tried with all her might to resist it but despite how hard she willed her body to do anything else, eventually, a shaky  hoof found itself pressing deeper into the wrongness. She expected to hit some kind of resistance right away but she didn’t. Her hoof continued to sink down, at least that was how it felt. Her reflection told a different story, the mirror just showed her pressing really hard against her chest. And yet as far as she could feel her hoof had sunk up to its wrist into this strange hole. She could feel the sticky visceral rotting pumpkin all around her hoof now, coating it, making it feel wrong. However she did not stop, she wanted to, had plenty of reasons too, was scared out of her mind but she couldn’t stop. A part of her brain was kicking into overdrive, whispering things to her, telling her “it’s okay Dazzle, what harm is it? After all you’re just hallucinating all this, you’re not really doing what you think you’re doing; look at the mirror; look down at yourself. It’s all in your head, just keep going, and see how far you can get.”

The voice urged her on and Dazzle complied, forcing her hoof farther in. She quickly began to feel something sharp digging into her, cutting her. Whatever it was it was there was multiples of them coming from all sides and they were jagged and so, so sharp. It was almost like a maw of teeth; she half expected some strange creature to clamp down and bite part of her leg off. She could feel these teeth-digging deep into her flesh and she could tell it was causing pain but it wasn’t registering as pain. It was like she was aware it was hurting but couldn’t actually feel it. The rotting mess that surrounded her leg found its way into the wounds, filling them. She kept forcing her hoof in; when she was several inches deep past the wrist she began to feel something forcing its way past her hoof and then leaking down her chest to her other foreleg, down that to the floor. It moved slowly as if it was a slightly viscous liquid.

 The deeper she forced her hoof the more that came out. She could feel whatever it was pooling around her hoof, could imagine it sinking into the grooves of the tiles and flowing underneath the sink cabinet . The deeper her hoof sank the more resistance she found but it was never enough to stop her. If she pushed hard enough the blockage would just slip to the side and left her keep going. Each resistance felt very muscular, yet smooth and soft at the same time. After a long slow process her hoof finally met resistance she couldn’t push away. It was very hard and felt similar to the teeth that dug into her leg only more bumpy than jagged. It was like she was pressing against a rock wall. It was at this point she closed her eyes; seeing one thing and feeling another was becoming too much, she wanted to focus on one more than the other.

With her eyes closed it was a whole new experience. When she could see that her hoof wasn’t actually moving it made it easier to deny what was happening and what she was feeling. But now she was experiencing everything from a different perspective and she could not deny any longer. She tried to find the right words, think of a description to describe the horrible visceral mess. It was definitely wet but not wet like water, wet like sticking your hoof in a vat of  oil. It was wet but clung to your coat, and it was thick but still runny. The words just were not coming but that stopped mattering when she began to feel pain, like someone was squeezing both her lungs. Her eyes shot up and she saw her reflection, her face was starting to turn purple. She couldn’t breath, she tried to consciously breathe but it wasn’t working. She couldn’t swallow, it was like something was blocking her esophagus. Her heart felt like it was in a vice. Her vision began to blur and the edges of what she could see began to darken. She yanked her hoof from her chest, the teeth digging in even more.

She screamed as this time she felt pain from those jagged shards. When her hoof was free she gasped, taking in big gulps of air, her chest heaving. Rushing to her room the panicked mare grabbed her smoothie, tilting her head back and chugging the drink.The half finished bevrege was slammed back on the tray and Dazzle once again gulped in air. She could breath but her visions still blurred and darkened.  Losing her balance the mare stumbled backward and fell to the ground, spinning on the way down and landing on her stomach. Her vision was almost entirely dark at this point. Shakily, her hoof was raised to her face. What was in front of her face was blurry and quickly darkening but she could tell there wasn’t a single mark on her leg. Dazzle’s eyes closed and her hoof fell to the carpet. She could feel herself slipping away, she was about to black out. Something wet and warm began pooling around her, soaking into the carpet.  
                    
“…Auuuuugh….” Dazzle opened her eyes, the hoof that should have been ripped to shreds -but was fine- being the first thing she saw. The first thing she heard was the music from the menu screen of Push, followed up by her own groans. Her first thought was that her mom was going to kill her for ruining the carpet. Groggily the mare stood up and rubbed her eyes. Feeling a little more awake she examined the carpet to see the damage. Nothing. It was perfectly fine “Great…I’m clearly crazy, but at least the carpet is okay” Dazzle checked the time, five-thirty. The family doctor stayed late on Fridays so if she left then she could probably squeeze in an appointment. Grabbing her coat and house keys the distraught mare headed to the kitchen to leave her folks a note since they’d be home in an hour and she might not be back before then.

 On the way down the stairs she smelt something burning. Leaping the last few steps she rushed to the kitchen. “I swear you little shit, if you set your pop tarts on fire in the toaster again and then left the mess behind I will shove an umbrella up your ass and open it!” Dazzle swore at her brother on her way to the kitchen, getting ready to shoot off another insult as she entered but stopping when she realized the kitchen was fine. In fact the mess that she would normally find signifying her brother was home was nowhere to be found. It was a Friday, he was probably off drinking with his friends.
 
Dazzle quickly jotted down a note and hung it on the fridge. Just a simple message explaining she wasn’t feeling well and decided to see Doctor Sunshine just in case. She was still convinced it was all lack of sleep and a poor diet but she was really scared at this point and she wanted to make sure. After testing the door to make sure it was locked by pulling on it a few times Dazzle turned and stopped in her tracks. Across her house were the burnt remains of one of her neighbor’s homes. There was yellow tape around its perimeter to keep out snoopy ponies. She could see several Celestial Guards standing around to keep an eye on things and about two or three C.S.I and a firefighter moving around inside the wreckage. It looked like the fire had been out for a few hours but there was still a some of her other neighbors hanging around to see what was going on. Dazzle spotted her friend Gingersnap amongst the stragglers and trotted over to her “Hey Gin” The peppermint green mare turned and smiled as she was addressed.
 
“Hey Daz. Where the buck you been!?” Gin yelled despite being a few feet away.
 
“Oh…I’ve just been so tired with exams I guess I slept through it all.” Dazzle responded quickly, worried Ginger might ask for more details when she wasn’t in the mood to give them. Dazzle’s friend nodded in understanding.
 
“I hear ya Daz. First time I finished college exams I slept for like…a whole week straight.” About a day and a half last Dazzle checked but that’s still a lot of sleep.
 
“Come on Gin, what happened here? That’s Sparkle Dust’s house right?”
 
Gin nodded “Yeah. We don’t have all the details yet but it looks like it wasn’t an accident. Overheard some guards talking and they said it looked like the parents started it.”
 
Dazzle gasped “Are you serious!?... They were having a lot of money trouble…think its some kind of insurance scam?”
 
Gin suddenly became very somber and sad “…I saw them carry out four body bags….”
 
Dazzle gasped again and put a hoof to her mouth “…are you serious?” Gingersnap nodded. “I…I can’t believe this…look…Im not feeling well and was on my way to the docs… I… I gotta go…” Ginger nodded and nuzzled her friend.
 
“Go on Daz…I know how you feel. I knew Sparkle Dust too…he was real cool…Celestia you’re cold, go see that Doctor” Dazzle returned her friends nuzzle with a small smile and headed off, taking in big gulps of air.
 
“This is just the worst day ever…” picking up her pace Dazzle quickly made her way down the street, the coldness before now reaching her bones as if the jacket and her own skin offered no protection from the chilling wind.

In the Doctor’s office Dazzle sat in the chair in the farthest corner, her hind legs tightly crossed and her forehooves resting on one of her knees. It had taken some convincing, and her bursting into tears, but she managed to convince the secretary that the issue was an emergency. She just had to wait for ponies with serious medical problems to be finished with then she could go see Doctor Sunshine. After a few minutes she found her hoof sliding up her body back to her chest. She had to use her other hoof to stop herself, clutching both hooves to her herself just under where she knew the strange hole was. Her breathing started to become labored and the room suddenly felt a lot smaller. She began to feel like how she did back home just before she passed out. She didn’t want to pass out again but it might mean she’d be seen sooner.
 
“Here.” Dazzle practically jumped out of her seat. One of the secretaries had somehow snuck up on her and offered her a crossword. “Keep your mind and hooves busy.”  The startled mare nodded and put on the best smile she could manage, accepting the crossword and then the pen the secretary offered. Dazzle gave the clues a quick read first then got to work completing the puzzle. Crosswords were never her thing but this one was just easy enough yet challenging enough to keep her distracted for a long time. It probably would have held her attention till she needed to see the doctor if the two colts that had just arrived had not sat beside her. Its not that they were loud or obnoxious, they were just talking. But they were so close Dazzle couldn’t help but listen and her puzzle was quickly forgotten. They were huddled together and used hushed tones but they could still be partially heard if you listened hard enough.
 

There was a long pause in the colt’s conversation. Either they had gotten quieter or they were processing everything. They must have been talking about Sparkle Dust, Dazzle thought to herself. She squeezed the pen in her hoof, on the verge of tears.
 

Dazzle saw some movement out of the corner of her eye, one of the colts had nodded in agreement and gone silent again. After a few yet eternally long seconds Dazzle could no longer stand the silence and spoke up. “I’m so sorry. I couldn’t help but overhear you. Are you talking about a colt named Sparkle Dust?” Both colts turned to face her, their expressions said it all. She did not know either of them but they must have known Sparkle. They wore the faces of someone who had just lost a dear friend; one’s face was stained with tears and the other was clearing trying his damnedest to not cry. Dazzle did her best to return an understanding look but could tell it was tainted by her own sadness. She had really liked Sparkle, though they hadn’t spent much time together. Sometimes their schedules would coincide and they would walk together until their paths forced them apart. He was a nice colt, smart, handsome, funny too. Dazzle had contemplated asking him out for a while but they both got so busy with school there didn’t seem to be any point.
 
Two names were called and the pair of colts stood. The names were familiar to Dazzle but she couldn’t put faces to the names. They walked off and followed a nurse to their room. She shivered as the air caused by the two colts leaving blew through her and stroked her bones with a slight chill. Exhausted from the stress and saddened by the death of someone she knew Dazzle leaned back in her chair, closed her eyes and took slow deep breaths; crossing her forelegs over her chest and holding them close to try and warm herself. “I just want this day to be over with.” She mumbled to herself.
 
 Dazzle’s breathing slowed and she began to drift off to sleep, not quite completely making it there. Petering on the edge of awake and sleep she made a content sound. The voices of the ponies in the room had turned into a muffled somber tone that was rather soothing and comforting. Though she couldn’t hear the words something about the subdued voices of ponies talking calmed her down and made her feel a little better. Though the room wasn’t all that full it sounded like it was filled with ponies, all talking and having their own conversations. Dazzle could pick out words now and again that gave the conversations a sad but hopeful feel. The ponies were probably talking about friends or family who were sick and trying to keep their spirits up. She wished the voices didn’t sound like they were being filtered through a large chunk of wood; she could have used some encouraging words.

The conversation slowly died down and turned into one pony talking at a time, as if everyone in the room was listening to their words in hopes of getting comfort from a stranger they couldn’t find themselves. Lost in the gentle words she couldn’t hear, the exhausted mare was lifted up. She was slowly carried somewhere and was only aware of movement when the voices stopped. She could feel herself being slowly carried somewhere. She wanted to move or open her eyes but her body wasn’t listening to her, she was still in that place between sleep and awake. Eventually she felt herself being lowered; it took a long time and she felt as if she had been lowered very far down by the time she stopped moving. Yet when she opened her eyes she was laying on the doctor’s examination table.
 
“Look who decided to wake up.” Dazzle blinked a few times and stretched, feeling terribly stiff after what she figured was at least an hour in that chair. “So how do you feel?” Sitting up Dazzle found Dr. Sunshine sitting in a chair across from the table floating a pen and clipboard in front of her. Smiling, Dazzle greeted the older mare.
 
“Hello Doctor Sunshine. Thanks for squeezing me in I’m…I am pretty messed up right now…” Sunshine gave an encouraging and gentle smile. Dazzle recanted her day to the doctor telling her everything that happened. Sunshine’s face held its comforting smile but her eyes slowly became more worried as the story went on.
 
“…I…see” The doctor said when Dazzle’s story was done “Well. Stress, lack of sleep and a poor diet can indeed cause serious mental problems and not just physical ones. However from the severity of these hallucinations I am afraid it sounds like you may have done some serious damage to your brain. I’m going to give you a quick checkup to determine your overall state of health and after that we are sending you to the hospital.” Disheartened the younger mare slumped.
 
“…this has just been the greatest day.” She sighed. A hoof was placed on her shoulder.
 
“Come on. You’re not eating your own hair or trying to fend off an army of killer slug ponies. Any issues with the brain are serious but that doesn’t mean they can’t be fixed or that I feel you’re in extreme danger.”
 
Dazzle smiled a little “Thanks doc…so…lets get this check up done so we can get the buck outa here and get my brain thingy fixed.”
 
Sunshine laughed, “Watch your language missy. And that sounds like a great plan. Come on. Quit your slouching. Sit up straight.” Dazzle obeyed the doctor who wasted no time putting a cooled stethoscope to her chest. Dazzle shivered and pulled away from the cold in shock.
 
“Celestia’s horn! That things so cold it felt like you pressed it right against my bare bone.” Sunshine rolled on her eyes and rubbed the bell of the stethoscope on her coat to warm it up before placing it back on Dazzle’s chest.
 
“Better you little baby?” The doctor said coyly.
 
Dazzle laughed “Oi, watch it with that baby st-“ a hoof was placed to
 her lips.
 
“Shush. Trying to listen to your heart.” After a minute of moving the bell around the doctor pulled it away, a confused expression on her face. “Hmmm…” She began to examine her stethoscope, looking at it from all angles, giving the bell a few taps now and again.
 
“…What’s the matter?” the patient asked, concerned.
 
“Can’t find your heart beat. Stethoscope must be broken. It is pretty old. Hold on I’ll just get a nurse to bring me a new one.” Sunshine popped her head out of the door a moment and called down to a nurse. After she made her order she sat down back in her chair and with a kick glided to the other end of the room to grab a tongue depressor from a jar. Kicking off the ground again the doctor sailed across the room and stopped in front of Dazzle “You know the drill.” Dazzle opened her mouth wide and with depressor and a flashlight Sunshine examined the gaping maw a few moments “Well… everything seems normal here and from the look of things you’re used to being in this position for long periods of t-IME!” Sunshine quickly retracted her hoof as her patients mouth came quickly snapping down, followed up closely by an angry glare “Sorry, sorry. Jusssst trying to make you laugh.” Sunshine smiled and was rewarded with a depressor being spat at her –which she expertly dodged. “Good thing I’m used to being spat at.”
 
A smile appeared on Dazzles face and she giggled “I bet you are Doc, I bet you are.”
 
“Oi, I have access to sharp instruments. Be a good filly now.” The two shared a laugh though Dazzle’s wasn’t as chipper as usual. From there things progressed as they normally would during a check up. Sunshine and Dazzle made light chitchat while sunshine worked and Dazzle tried to not fidget or blush too hard. A nurse eventually dropped off the new stethoscope and Sunshine finished the check up. Kicking off the ground Sunshine rolled over to her desk and began jotting things down and filling out papers “Well physically I can’t see anything wrong. Just lay down now please. I just have one last question.”
 
“Go for it.” Dazzle said as she laid down on the table.
 
Sunshine didn’t look up from her work as she asked. “Why are you so cold?”
 
“Cause I’m sick…right?”
 
“I just said you’re fine. Why are you cold?” Sunshine still didn’t move from her desk.
 
“…stoppit…”
 
“Why are you cold, Dazzle Light?” The doctor still didn’t turn to face her.
 
“…please…stop…”
 
“Is this really so much better? Why are you cold, Dazzle?”
 
“stop!” Dazzle tried to leap from the table and rush Sunshine but her head hit something as she tried to sit up. “..no…nononononono.” She tried to slide off the table but found something blocking the sides and ends as well. It was hard and had no give. She was trapped.
 
“Why are you so cold Dazzle?” Sunshine stood and with her head hung walked towards the examination table.
 
“Stop…please!” Dazzle began to bang her hooves on the invisible barrier that stopped her, punching and kicking and throwing her shoulder into the sides. “Why?! This is better than the alternative…. stop! Don’t come any closer. I cant. Not again. Don’t make me see her again!” Sunshine did not listen, she just kept moving forward. When she was but a few feet away she shot forward and hugged the barrier keeping Dazzle from leaving the table. The face that stared down at her was not Sunshine’s but the tear and blood stained face of her mother
 
“Why are you so cold Dazzle? Why are you so cold? why are you cold!” She screamed over and over as flames enveloped her, burning her fur and flesh away. “There is so much warmth here Dazzle! Why are you so cold?! Be warm like us Dazzle!” The fire consumed her leaving nothing but a burnt skeleton hugging the barrier. The skeleton still moved, its jaw aimlessly flapping as it soundlessly asked the same question over and over. Though the skeleton had no voice Dazzle could clearly hear her mothers in her own mind, crying and saying over and over again ‘why are you so cold?’ The Flames consumed the rest of the room, burning everything away leaving behind blackness.

Dazzle placed a hoof against the barrier, reaching for her mother, she tried to cry but she could not, no tears would come. Dazzle closed her eyes and placed her hooves over her face. Too afraid to face what would happen next, all too familiar with it, for this was not the first time she has experienced this. Eventually her eyes did open and her hooves moved; no matter how badly she didn’t want to, she could spend an eternity with her eyes closed and it would not change a thing. It was too dark to see but she did not need a light source to know what was before her face. Had there been light she would have seen torn remains of cloth and wood perforated with large gouges and scratches from her own hooves. Once again, for what must have been the millionth time, Dazzle tried to cry but found there wasn’t enough left of her to manage it.
 
 
There was no clear way to tell how long she had been in this terrible place, how long she had been apart of this new ‘life.’ She had no sense of time; hours, days, weeks would just blend together. Sometimes she would be fully aware of laying there for days, other times she would turn her head just for the sake of changing position and suddenly be aware that a long time has passed. The only relief from the torment was her dream, though she caught on quickly that the dream was worse than the reality. It was always the same dream and always went the same way up till the end with Sunshine. Sometimes Dazzle would say different things and hope for a new end, others she wouldn’t say anything and just watch it all play out. A few times she caught on quicker than usual and beat up Sunshine before she could ask her last question. She even killed the doctor once though it never made a difference. Forced to do the same thing over and over again, see her mother that way, was too much for Dazzle. After the fortieth time she had the dream she began to pray to Celestia and Luna to end it all; she even tried Discord once, willing to do anything to just end her torment and die. Of course praying for death was a wasted effort in her case.
 
                    Dazzle reached out with a forehoof and touched the scored wood above her. When she first realized where she was she tried to escape. Those first few weeks she had a lot of energy and could move quite a bit. As time passed though that changed as her energy and body withered. Now all she could manage was her eyes, slight movements of the head and lifting a fore hoof. The rest of her body refused to follow her demands anymore. She had tried long ago to use her hoof to feel out the state of her body but found she had lost all sense of feeling. She couldn’t even tell if her hoof was touching the wood or if she had even lifted it more than an inch. She knew she moved it but there was no way to tell how much. All she had left was her own self-awareness and her thoughts. Though these days she found it was less painful to keep her mind blank. Her prayers did nothing, and thinking about anything else just made her sad, or mad, or made her hate herself.
 
                    Dazzle could remember the first day her ability to move started to go away. Those days she could still cry and she did. She sobbed for what must have been days before her bodies’ ability to make tears left her along with most of her mobility. All she could do now was lay in the darkness, unable to move, unable to feel, unable to cry and unable to end it all. Her eyes slowly closed and she turned her head to the side. There was an odd sensation, nothing physical, just an awareness that told her a long time had passed. Time had to be the cruelest part of everything that was happening to her. Knowing that time has passed would normally be a good thing, but for her in the situation she was in it was nothing more than a constant reminded she had spent even longer in her torment.
 
                    All she wanted to do was curl up tight and waste away into nothing. It had to happen eventually, her body would eventually just dissolve into nothing. It had to, that was how these things worked, circle of life and all that. She hadn’t tried in a long time to move her body, but the urge to curl up and feel just a bit of relief somehow was so great she was able to call on every ounce of strength she had. Slowly her back arched forward and her hind legs moved up to her chest. She closed her eyes and hugged her hind legs, curling up as tight as she could manage. It wasn’t that tight, but she didn’t care. Just being able to move into this position was the first good thing to happen to her in a long, long time. Dazzle stayed that way for quite some time, fully aware that many months were passing while she laid there. A small little ball, tucked away in a small box, deep and hidden from everyone. There was an odd peacefulness to it all, as if while curled up someone had reached deep down, plucked her from her prison, and deposited her in a warm bed far away. Instinctively, one of her hooves found its way to the remains of her mouth and she began to gently suck on it like a small foal; the action felt so natural to do.
 
         “Maybe things will get better...maybe-” her thought was cut short as a blinding light filled her small prison; even with her eyes closed it was impossibly bright. “No! Not again! No more!” She screamed in her mind, curling up tighter. “Not the dream again! Celestia please no more!” Her prayers continued to go unanswered as she felt pressure all around her. She was being squeezed and moved, being forced closer to the source of the light, which became brighter and brighter the closer she became.  “Oh God! I Can’t Breath! Its too tight! Make it stop!” She flexed her legs and attempted to grab at the sides of her box. For once her prison was like a safe haven and she had no desire to leave it. But the pressure around her held her in her ball making her attempts fruitless. The light was getting brighter and brighter. Dazzle squeezed her eyes tighter to try and block it out but it wasn't helping at all.
 
 The sounds of voices began to echo in her ears; the meaning of the words were for some reason lost to her but she was sure it was poneis talking. No they were yelling, but not in anger. Still, the voices were loud and scary, urging the frightened filly to continue trying not to leave. More yelling echoed in her brain and suddenly there was pressure on her head, as if someone had grabbed her. The pressure began to pull her in conjunction with the pushing and she could tell she was about to leave the safety of her box.

Brightness, so much brightness surrounded her, she squeezed her eyes tighter and moved her legs to cover her eyes. The rest of her body felt like it was still being squeezed, part of her was still in her box, part of her managed to hold on somehow. But she could tell her lower half was still being pushed and her upper half was still being pulled. There was more yelling, and now she could also hear screaming, screams of pain and frustration. They were so powerful, under less stressful times Dazzle would have wondered how she hadn’t heard them first. So much yelling, it was loud and scary, yet oddly encouraging. Much of the yelling was directed elsewhere but some of it was at her, the meaning of the words being yelled was still lost to Dazzle but they seemed to be urging her to leave. Dazzle opened her mouth “Nooooooo...” atleast thats what she wanted to say, but all that passed her lips was an incomprehensible wail. Suddenly she was completely out of her box. “Nonononononononononono!” more inane babble escaped her mouth.

It was bright and it was cold, and Dazzle could do nothing but scream and cry. Tears ran down her face and her throat begin to hurt from all her screaming. Screaming and screaming, yelling at and cursing Celestia and Luna and any other Alicorn or god that would allow her to suffer so much. Air moved across her body and there was an odd sensation of movement and falling and being lifted; as if she was being passed around.

Suddenly there was so much quiet around her, except for her own cries and curses and a repeating beeping noise, steadily getting slower and quieter. Dazzle forced herself to stop screaming, realizing it was doing no good. When she stopped she was able to think a bit clearer now and realized she was not in any dream she had ever had before.

Beep...beep...beep.

        Everything was so quiet it was like someone had come and stolen almost every sound. However it felt right, as if the moment required quiet. Dazzle continued to feel as if she was being passed around. Eventually her body was met with the sensation of something being wrapped around her, ripping the cold from her body. She was moved one last time to a placed that felt safe and even warmer. The filly strained against her own bodies natural desire to keep her eyes closed to try and see where she was. But the light was far too powerful and won out in the end.

        Ideas flew threw the fillies head as she spun all kinds of theories as to where she was and what had just happened to her. But the more time that passed, the less ideas came to her. She could feel herself slipping away, parts of her personality peeling and falling away like old paint on a barn. Knowledge, reason, understanding, memories, everything she had spent nineteen years of her life obtaining was being washed away for some reason. The filly squirmed and made a  distressed noise, no amount of warmth or comfort was enough to quell her fear at losing everything that made her who she was.

        And then something happened, just as all understanding was leaving her, the filly heard something. The meaning of the words were still lost to her, she couldn’t even figure out what the general tone of the voice might have implied. But nothing could take away from the fact that for the first time, in a very, very long time, everything might just be okay. Such simple words acted almost like a shield, coating her body in a thin film that held in just a little bit of who she used to be. Such simple words gave her hope, while she still understood what hope was. Such simple words, yet so perfect to start things off.