My Little Pawny
Fragouts Are Magic
By ANTIcarrot
Chapter Two
Based on Friendship is Magic, created by Lauren Faust
And My Little Pony, created by Bonnie Zacherle
Render Unto Hasbro That Which Is Hasbro’s...
“Slowly!” An earth forepony called out as he kept a close eye on the machine. “Sloooowly...”
The device known as the 'Number Five Mechanism' gradually lowered into a heavily built iron-ribbed trunk. Princess Luna watched its progress just as closely, horn aglow with telekinesis. But it wasn’t her magic supporting and manoeuvring the 80lb object. Two other unicorns nearby were doing that. Her magic was reaching inside, grabbing every single moving part, and holding them completely rigid.
More iron poles, thick as a unicorn horn, had already been threaded through the six tubes at the front of the NFM to hinder rotation. A wooden plate had been used to prevent any accidental touching of the two small levers at the back which seemed to make it work (somehow). But no one wanted to take any chances.
Over the last day, in addition to NFM, the device had also acquired the nicknames ‘Hedge Trimmer’ and ‘Rock Grinder’. Everyone in the team that was packing it away had inspected the massive ‘bite mark’ in the side of the stone obelisk, and the sudden drop in hedge height, both of which had appeared the last time a pony had been careless with the NFM.
Gradually, almost by hair-widths, the device came to rest within the embrace of quilted blankets, straw and feathers. More packing material was placed on top before straps were tied and tightened, before even more material was added on top.
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, and Luna finally released her grip, as the lid closed and the magical locks started to snap themselves in place.
“Was that really a sixty point polydot spell Princess Luna?!”
Luna’s body jumped four feet into the air, propelled in part by her magic, wings, and of course her four feet. She turned and landed in a combat stance, ears back, horn down, wings spread, only to relax when she saw who it was and belatedly recognised the voice.
“I mean my friend Rarity can easily manage to control twenty different objects,” Twilight gushed, “and I managed to hold a thirty-six point spell for five seconds once - but I’ve never seen anyone perform a sixty point spell before! I mean I’ve never even seen Celestia...”
“Twilight Sparkle!”
The unicorn stopped midsentence, looked momentarily confused, before blushing and ducking her head.
“Oh I’m sorry! I can’t believe I just did that! I haven’t done something like that in years! I’m so sorry Princess...”
“Twilight,” Luna said, in a quieter but firmer tone. “Thy enthusiasm is most commendable and understandable, as was thy judgement in waiting until after We had finished with Our dangerous task. But perchance thee could temper thy patience, and attempt to wait almost a whole second next time?” Luna then smiled and added, “But be thou most assured: yea, it was so.”
“Really?” Twilight perked up instantly. “That... Erm, can wait. Professor Fields is feeling sick again.”
“Oh Arty,” Luna sighed before walking over to the testy Earth pony. “What so shall We do with thee? Thy are a most stubborn foal!”
“It’s pronounced ‘fool’ in modern Equestrian,” Author Fields grumbled as Luna’s magic began to wash over him.
“We know the word We mean.”
“Humph!”
“Hmm. And thee both know not of wherefrom this ailment comes? Or how so it spreads from pony to pony?” Finishing with the Professor, Luna swept her magic across Twilight next. “Infirming in thy blood and bone and gut and hair. A disease of full symptoms and yet neither pathogen, poison, nor paranormal cause that We can detect. Whilst thou examine me in turn Twilight?”
Twilight slowly and carefully used her own magic. This was something Celestia had drilled her on repeatedly, but never something she had been terribly good at. Trying to use regular unicorn magic, even at Twilight’s level, to look inside an alicorn was like trying to push a wet noodle into boiling treacle.
“Um, I can’t see as much damage as I’ve seen in the Professor, or everypony else. Your red-blood count look a little depressed. Have you experienced any shortage of breath today?”
“We were unaware that Our blood had any feelings of its own.” Luna smiled. “But not that We recall. Though We have partaken in little running or flying this day.”
“Well it’s possible your magic grants you immunity, or...” Twilight’s eyes widened. “Or you’ve had less exposure."
Professor Fields looked thoughtful.
“Actually, that would make sense. One would suspect that if this area had been poisoned at one time, then simple rain would have driven the poison underground. In which case this side should be safe, where we set up the tents thank the Sun and Moon, but the other side had huge rips and tears in it, which could also have pulled any residual poison up as gas or dust. I understand that you have stayed on the Patch’s eastern side Princess?”
“We have indeed. Dost thou know of any attempt to investigate this Twilight?”
“No Princess. We’ve just come to you or Princess Celestia any time we’ve been unwell.”
“It might be worth instigating. If we can work out where it’s coming from it will be a good first stop to dealing with it permanently.”
“As thou sayst. Mayhap thou could investigate thy theory further. But thou will have to cope without Twilight. We require Our Sister’s student for Our further studies of Corpus Delicti.”
Fields just nodded, but Twilight looked surprised.
“But Princess Luna, I thought you didn’t want to see the bodies?”
“Thy equus is rusty,” Luna said with a wane smile. “We spoke Corpus, not Copora. While We share with Our Sister Our Sorrow at so many deaths...” Luna hesitated. “Forgive Us, if We appear to look Weak, but We have seen so many victims of Discord so many times. We have no desire to see more.” The Princess closed her eyes briefly, before straightening. “But the other body is different, and We shall not avert Our gaze there. Professor, be thou good enough to care for yonder contraption, and see it well to a place of study and safety. Twilight, thou closeness would please Us.”
Twilight nodded before stepping close and feeling Luna touch her back with a wing wrist.
“Be thee well Professor,” Luna said in parting before both females disappeared in a flash of white.
“Be thee well. Humph. Learn thy grammar more like!”
Professor fields grumbled as he turned to see the NFM safely to Horseguards. Canterlot was closer. Stalliongrad was bigger. Manehattan had better equipment. But any one of them would turn into a manticore-fight over territory and prestige. Horseguards was not only the oldest military establishment in Equestria, predating as it did the word ‘equestria’ and even the word 'pony', it was also one of Equestria’s last remaining genuine castles, complete with fully-functional barbicans, unicorn slits, and sand-holes. It was one of the most defensible places in all of Equestria.
It also the one place that would NOT want this particular bundle of manticores dumped in their lap. The Special Alicorn Service liked their privacy. This would not please them one little bit. But they would do their duty, and they would guard it, and anyone or anything that surrounded it. Discord help anyone who tried to take it away once it arrived, because no one else would.
“Be thee well indeed. Daft old horse...”
# # #
A flash of light and Twilight and Luna were suddenly standing half a mile south of their previous position. This time they were in the Everfree Forrest proper, where the grass and clouds grew and moved by themselves. But at least here the day and night actually came and went, and water actually flowed downhill, and ponies didn’t get sick for no good reason.
Twilight had gotten used to the Patch, but she still wasn’t sure whether it was better or worse than the Everfree Forest.
“Come Twilight, there is much We would ask of you.”
“Of course Princess, but... But I remember how you spoke at Nightmare Night. I know you know how to say I, Me and You in modern Equestrian.”
Luna glanced down at Twilight’s smaller frame out of the corner of her eye. Twilight didn’t stare back, but didn’t break eye contact either, waiting patiently for an answer. And for more than a whole second as she had been asked. After a moment Luna smiled.
“Vearily, we are so aware.” She leaned closed and lowered her voice. “But it does so annoy the old buzzard, doesn’t it?”
She looked down at Twilight before slowly and obviously winking. Twilight smiled back slightly, then giggled.
“I don’t think he’s appreciate you calling him old Princess.”
“I’m sure he wouldn’t. But one must take amusement where one finds it. Especially in such gloomy days as these. And please Twilight, call me Luna...”
Twilight and Luna walked towards the centre of the clearing, where a bone-white ribcage awaited them. One the size of large barn.
# # #
The demonic dragon-thing grinned, suddenly, evilly.
“But you may find yourselves wishing that you had taken the Valhalla option.”
There was a bright flash of light and it disappeared.
Tspliters: What the hell was that thing? And how come you two can talk and I can’t?
“Who said that?”
[WIN]SLAM: It’s name tagged. Why does it matter who said it?
//M.A.D//Pitbull: How the hell are you... Oh, right. Wow that’s really weird.
[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: What is this? Someone tell me what’s going on!
RottyPawnz: Look at the Trees. LOOK AT THE TREES!
“What’s so special about the bloody trees?” Cpt_John as he turned to see what a TF141 soldier (presumably Rotty) was pointing at. He stopped cold.
Wasteland was mostly surrounded by empty space, with the occasional piece of vast russian architecture in the far distance. (At least it was normally, or in the game, or whatever.) Now it was surrounded by trees. Lots of trees. Lots of tall trees. A knife edge vertical wall of living timber that made the entire map look like some titanic footprint in a triple canopy rainforest.
RottyPawnz: Does anyone recognise them? Does anyone have a clue where we are?
N00BT00BR: We’re in bloody Narni aren’t we?
[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: I want out of this! How the hell do I get out of this!
//M.A.D//Pitbull: Oh shut up you child.
[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Don’t call me a child! I’m...
The ground moved. They all stopped. The ground moved again, gently, but insistently. A nearby puddle started to vibrate.
“Enemy contact!” Ghost suddenly announced. “To the North!”
“That is not a standard game script...”
Cpt_John found himself agreeing with the russian soldier. So what were they going to fight? Dinosaurs? Because that was going to be a pretty short battle. Dinos, rhinos, elephants or people, it didn’t matter. Outside of Hollywood and wangsty US TV shows automatic rifles actually were very effective against living tissue; in that they tended to tear it into itty bitty tiny little pieces.
Aim at the legs (which is an easy shot if they’re running towards you) and whatever it is won’t have any leg tissue left after about half a second. I mean sure, if you carry game physics over, the dinosaur might explode in a pile of loose cash rather than blood but then again...
The ground moved again, more firmly this time. The ripple in the puddle was more noticeable.
But then again Cpt_John didn’t get the feeling it was going to be that easy.
RottyPawnz: Minigun! Flag B!
One of the soldiers took off towards the bunker. After a second a bunch of others followed him. Then Cpt_John and everyone else did as they realised what Rotty meant, except for a couple who chose to take the long way round the central hedge. After a couple of brief scuffles in the narrow doors both teams piled out into the short shallow trench leading to where Flag B sat in a game of Domination. And where there sat a pair of miniguns.
The ground shook again.
Cpt_John was barely out of the bunker before someone was test-firing the north-facing minigun. He looked around. If there was anything MW2 players were good at it was disorganised mob tactics. Half of them had lined up to use the ridge for cover. Others were seeking shelter behind pieces of battlefield machinery. Two snipers had taken up sentry duty at the far end of the hedge. One of the highpoints of the localmap.
The ground shook again. And again. And again...
But that’s not all he wanted to learn. He stared at the nearest player and waited. Sure enough, a name tag eventually appeared.
//M.A.D//Pitbull: Can’t see anything. Too many trees in the way.
That’s because you’re not on the highest part of the map, Cpt_John thought as he found what he was looking for. You're only the highest point that we can normally access.
“You!” He clamped his head down on the shoulder of the russian labeled Blood_Son, and waited for him to look up. “You use aimbot right?”
“What are you talking about...”
Oh, so it was that russian soldier.
“You’ve been in the top three players the last three maps, and you’ve not been using helicopters. You hack don’t you?”
“Look this is a not the time to argue about...”
“Can you cycle though enemy targets?”
“I...”
The russian didn’t say no. That was good enough.
“Come with me. I’ve got a sniper spot for you.”
He started to move away before glancing back.
“You coming?”
“Bloody yanks,” the russian muttered.
“British you muppet!”
“Oh like that’s a that’s a big improvement.”
Cpt_John led the other soldier to the house nearby.
N00BT00BR: Getting something on heart-tracker. Damn this thing looks weird now... Interference I think. Not a reading.
The tremors (footsteps?) were getting regular now.
“This is a lousy sniper spot.”
“Only at ground level,” Cpt_John answered as he slung his beloved M4 over his shoulder. He knelt down and cupped his hands at ground level. “We have hands now, remember? We can climb!”
N00BT00BR: Oh shit! Hey guys? Turns out you can adjust the range of this thing. I’ve got a hell load of small readings, and one big reading a couple of hundred yards out, I think, and all the small ones are getting the hell away from the big one.
“How big?” The russian asked as they both finally got on the house’s roof. They could both now just about see over the tops of the trees.
N00BT00BR: No clue. If these other things are deer, pretty damn big. If they’re hedgehogs, not so much.
“Well then, do your thing.”
“What thing?” The russian asked.
“Your aimbot thing. Cycle.”
“And how am I supposed to do that like this? It isn’t even my account!”
“Really? You actually hacked a hacked account in order to...”
“It’s my brother’s account!”
“Huh. You seemed to have it down pat the last few games.”
“How the hell am I supposed to hit my mouse thumb button without a bloody mouse?!”
“Uh...” Good question. “Hey guys? No idea how we can talk out loud. How do you lot talking without a keyboard?
//M.A.D//Pitbull: We ain’t talking. We’re chatting. Still want to know how you can talk.
Tspliters: Maybe they were wearing headsets or something. Don’t think about it. Just remember doing it in the game. Close your eyes or something.
Cpt_John was about to ask if that would help when the sniper rifle’s massive barrel snapped around and almost knocked him off the roof.
“Hey! Careful with that bloody thing!”
“Well don’t sit so close you perv! Now how did I...” The barrel twitched again. “Ah. Right. Cycle. Cycle. Motorcycle. Unicycle. Bicycle...” The barrel twitched a few more times as it glitched from one player below them to another. Then it swung another huge arc towards the trees.
“That’s it!”
“Really? You think?”
N00BT00BR: You two mind telling us what you can see?
The russian shrugged.
“Not sure exactly,” Blood_Son said. “I can barely see it about the treetops. If I’m actually looking at something real. It kinda looks black with lots of little white spots. Like a weird cut out of night against a real sky.”
There was a sudden silence.
//M.A.D//Pitbull: What the hell does that...
“Bloody Christ! It just moved!”
//M.A.D//Pitbull: ...mean?
“No wait, something’s wrong here. It’s moving, but it isn’t. I mean the outline’s moving, but there’s a pattern of dots on it that keeps still.”
Tsplitters: You mean like those really old cartoons, where the character moves, but the plaid patter or whatever doesn’t?
“Er, yeah. That’s actually what it looks like.”
N00BT00BR: What the hell does that mean?
Tsplitters: It sounds like optical camouflage. Like Ghost In The Shell.
“That doesn’t make sense,” Cpt_John said. “Stealth’s supposed to make you invisible. Or at least look invisible. How the hell does black with white spots make you invisible?”
Tsplitters: And what would you see at night-time?
Everyone thought about that for a moment, before Blood_Son summed up their thoughts.
“Bloody Christ.”
“Er, yeah.” Cpt_John added. “Let’s not fight this thing at night, shall we?”
N00BT00BR: Er, yeah. Let’s not.
RottyPawnz: Why fight it at all? If it wants through here why not just let it?
That sounded like an incredibly good plan to Cpt_John. He didn’t particularly want to kill or fight anything. He especially didn’t want to get into a fire-fight with someone or something that could shoot back. But then again he didn’t want to just sit there and take it by not shooting at all.
Screw it all to Hell! He wanted to see what it was! He looked down at his carbine. But a red-dot wasn’t any use... What had that other player said? Just do what you’d do normally? He looked up into the distance, tried to ignore the gun, and twitched his left ring-finger as if he was reaching for the TAB button. His finger poked the hard plastic of the guns stock, and nothing happened. After thinking a moment, he raised his arm to waist height, as if it was hovering over a keyboard, and tried again. Still nothing. Maybe he was being too literal? Moving his ring-finger was what he did. But it wasn’t what his avatar did...
He flicked the safety on, let go of the forestock, and swung the gun behind his waist. He almost fell of the roof.
His hand felt cold, and then every part of him felt cold. The outside world seemed to fade away. His fingers suddenly closed and suddenly the gun simply wasn’t there anymore. Whatever had just happened, he wanted it to stop. Whatever force gripped his wrist had other ideas though, as more and more heat was leached out and bare fingers began to feel like they were covered in thick cotton wool. In desperation he weakly flailed his fingers around until they banged into something, a handle, a gun handle. His eyes widened and then he gripped and pulled with what strength remained...
And suddenly he was back on the roof, wobbling because of the new weight in his right hand: A british L86-LSW light machine gun. He blinked. They could change classes. He tilted his head and look at the top of the gun. There was a SUSAT sight there. They could apparently access their own custom classes. That should be interesting.
The ground shook again, and he looked in the same direction as Blood_Son. The SUSAT was no sniper scope, but it did magnify and - yes, he could see it. Damn, but that looked weird. He let go of the forward grip to touch the safety, before letting go and deciding to leave the safety on for the moment. They didn’t want any accidents.
Something tickled at his mind just then. Something important. Something he had forgotten? Something..?
Blood_Son slapped his knee.
“Hey, Johnny! You really not American?”
“No - British. You really not a Russian”
“No - Irish. Garda Síochána.”
“That your real name?”
Blood_Son turned to look at him with frank astonishment, before pulling an ugly face.
“You really are British aren’t you?”
“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’re barely smarter than the average Yank. The Gardai is the Republic of Ireland Police Force. I’m a Sergeant in the West Meath Regional Support Unit, and I have Emergency Response Unit training. That means I use guns."
And Cpt_John suddenly remembered. He had handled guns before, even military ones. He knew where the safeties and fire-select levers were. He knew that even an M4 was a better ‘sniper’ rifle in the real world than most of the dedicated sniper rifles were in game. He had hadn’t a bloody clue how to clean one, and hadn’t fired anything larger than an airsoft in over ten years...
“You know how to fire guns? Properly?” When Blood_Son nodded Cpt_John added, “I think you outrank everyone here. But... Have you actually done it for real though? You know, outside of exercises? Got any experience with the IRA or something?”
Blood_Son’s barrel suddenly swung at Cpt_John, and he had to dodge a second time.
“Hey! Watch it with the autoaim!”
“That wasn’t the autoaim you miserable arsehole! Just because I’m Irish doesn’t make me a terrorist! Fucking English!”
Cpt_John stared at him for a moment, before he understood and he snarled back.
“Fighting! Experience in fighting the IRA you stupid prat! And it’s British, not English you tart! God! You really are Irish aren’t you!”
Sudenly something bounced off the roof and they both dropped flat to their stomachs.
N00BT00BR: HEY! STUPID PEOPLE!
“What?” They both yelled at the soldier standing and ready to throw another stone.
N00BT00BR: Some of us have never fired a gun before. And that thing is going is going to be sitting on us in about a minute! So if one of you is Irish SWAT a little advice would be appreciated.
The two soldiers glanced at each other before Blood_Son handed her rifle over.
“Keep an eye on it,” he muttered, before raising his voice. “Okay. Pay attention, because I won’t repeat any of this. First rule of gun safety. The gun is always loaded, even if you think it isn’t. Second rule of gun safety. Because the gun is always loaded, keep your finger off the trigger until you want to shoot, and never point it at something you don’t want to shoot. Guns go off by accident all the time. Third rule. Bullets pass through things and people. Don’t aim for a target and hit something you don’t want to behind it.
“We do not know what’s coming. It may just be another group like us. I do not want to fucking die because one of you screws up and starts something we can’t win! You do not want to shoot and kill someone because you were fucking bored, fucking stupid, or fucking scared, and then have to live with that the rest of your life!
“Anyone have anything else to add?”
After a moment of silence Cpt_John spoke up.
“Friendly fire isn’t. Suppressive fire doesn’t. If at first you don’t succeed, call in an airstrike. I don’t know what this place is, but explosives in the real world are much more dangerous at far greater distances than in the game. We don’t know if we can respawn, or even recover health. Remember that when throwing grenades around or tubing. Try not to kill each other.
“Have a quick look at your guns. Make sure you can find the safety, fire select, and magazine change buttons. Put your guns on single shot and they basically become sniper weapons. If you can’t figure it out, we can change classes without dying. Just move your gun behind your back. The church and field came through with the rest of the map, so we’ve got a hundred yards of open ground or so. You might want to think about switching to a heavy weapon if you have one.
“Like the man said, don’t fire unless you have to. But if you do have to, and it’s one big thing, concentrate fire on the left leg. The rear left if you have to choose. Front left after the rear is crippled. Otherwise whatever you can hit.”
There was a sudden silence, broken only by dull tremor of ground impacts, footprints, and the distant wet-snapping sound of living trees protesting the movement of whatever it was.
“Shoot the rear leg?” Blood_Son asked quietly.
“If we have to and can kill it, then great," Cpt_John explained. "No harm done. If we can’t then at least we should try and cripple it.” He paused before asking, “You really think it’ll be another group of people?”
“Not really.”
There was more silence, again punctuated by the distant sounds of snapping wood, and quiet mechanical sounds as people checked and learned about their weapons.
N00BT00BR: Fifty meters beyond the treeline. Twenty five meters. Fifteen. Ten meters. And that’s...
Beyond the northern edge of the map was a park like area, a road, an Infinityward standard-issue car wreck, and then the massive trees of the surrounding alien forest. Through his SUSAT’s 4x magnification, Cpt_John could see the trees jump left then right, swaying in the breezeless air. The impacts stopped. Then two of them lurched outwards, and the mobile blue-black mound heaved with their motions. With two final violent crunch sounds, they finally fell, to make room for something big. Something purple. And something whose eyes started out fifteen feet above the ground, before narrowing and raising to thirty feet off the ground as the rest of the head pushed forwards.
It snarled, opening a muzzle the size of a car, and exposing enormous jagged teeth, that were in turn dwarfed by two enormous downward facing tusks, each one easily larger than any of them. It was massive in every possible sense of that word, and in every possible sense of every possible synonym for that word. And this was only the head.
Then it roared.
Cpt_John felt a trickle of cold run down his spine that was unlike anything he had ever felt before, even unlike the numbness of hammer-space, or being threatened by that dragon thing. This was a bear. This was a bear larger than any bear should grow. And it looked pissed.
A regular bear was an apex predator with no fear or either man nor firearms, with a body large enough to ignore minor problems like bullet holes for long enough to kill whoever was shooting them. This thing was the size of a fucking Gundam! For the first time in his life he began to seriously question whether he’d live to see another sunrise...
“Amazing isn’t she?”
Both Cpt_John and Blood_Son jumped and swore as they heard Discord whisper quietly between them. They jerked their heads away from their scopes to see him floating smugly between them.
“Not quite plant, mineral or animal. Blithely ignores almost every law of nature that you know. She’s not even really alive in the way you understand the term.”
“What does it want with us?” Blood_Son asked quietly.
“Want with you?” Discord looked surprised. “Oh she’s not interested in you. She just wants her child back. It’s missing, and she seems to think that you’ve stolen it. Rather silly if you ask me, given that an ursa-minor would slightly bigger than the house you’re sitting on.”
“How the hell are we supposed to have stolen something the size of a house?!” Cpt_John asked.
“Well I never said she was clever.” Discord made a negligent wave of a paw before his head jerked up as if in memory. “Oh, by the way: Females that aren’t very bright? That’s something of a running theme for this world. And the best part: The worthless creature doesn’t even have a baby! Ha ha!”
Discord began to float upwards. Unable to do anything else, they both just watched him.
“Now, My Little Humans, how you choose to handle this situation is of course entirely up to you, and I give you my solemn promise this really will be the last time I bother you. But before I go I will give you one last little helpful warning...
He grinned.
“She may try to grab you with her teeth and swallow you whole! I wouldn’t let her if I were you.”
There was another bright flash of light, and the humans were left all alone with the Gundam-bear once more.
It snarled again.