//------------------------------// // Guilt // Story: How my Little Brother Became an Alicorn // by WiseFireCracker //------------------------------// I first awoke to an unearthly noise; deep, rumbling and translating an insatiable hunger. My hunger. Tentatively, I raised my eyelids, but quickly closed them shut in pain. A ray of light was shining down precisely on my face. Urgh… Thanks Celly. I stretched my whole body, shivering with satisfaction whenever I heard and felt popping noises in my articulations. Slowly, just… taking as much time as I felt like, I got on my hooves and yawned. My mind still half drowned by drowsiness, I blankly looked down at the crispy sound that came from under my hoof. Fortunately, that was only a piece of wrapping paper, as opposed to one of the books we had borrowed from the library. Thus, I would live to see another day, if I survived cleaning up this place first. This is going to be Tartarus to clean up, I thought as I scanned the room and the entirety of the disaster at hands. It wasn’t pretty. And this was how my weekend was going to start... Joy. For a second, I let my desire to go lie down and relax take hold of my mind. Ponyville was already wide awake. There were plenty of noises to tell me so. It hadn’t really mattered earlier. Not even the rooster at Sweet Apple Acres reached more than a corner of my mind this morning. Not Pinkie’s rapid fire speeches about the qualities of the Cakes’ most sumptuous pastries either. Not even… the two or three clients of the Sunrise Café that gushed about the taste of their croissants. My stomach rumbled again, stronger than ever. …Alright, I’m doing this after breakfast. My attention then turned to the little colt that was conspicuously absent from the trash of the titans that was our living room. “Tom?” I called loudly as I made my way around the debris and into the kitchen. It did take a short moment for him to reply, his voice coming from the other end of the hallway. “I’m here.” “Are you hungry?” “I already ate some oatmeal!” He shouted back. As if to confirm his story, my gaze fell onto a bowl dropped in the sink with the rest of our silverware, some smudges of his breakfast still sticking to its sides. With a shrug, I stepped back and went to glance at the inside of our fridge, intent on getting something substantial in my stomach. I was famished. With a small smile, I grabbed eggs and some milk. Quickly, I turned around and grabbed some pans, all with some pockets of airs I conjured up. With the haze of sleep slowly receding from my mind, I put up eggs to fry in a pan. A pinch of salt and pepper flew through the air next, sprinkling my soon-to-be breakfast. It wasn’t sophisticated – and could probably be one of the furthest thing away from sophistication –, but the salty smell that hit my nostrils, the grilling noise of the butter on that hot surface, it had me nostalgic in a way the fancy plates from Canterlot couldn’t. Of course they couldn’t. The delicacies the chefs there had been a surprising and pleasant experience, for sure, except it didn’t ring of… home… And for once, when I thought back on it, I didn’t see an infinite amount of stars and concepts. How would I? There was no need for such trivialities back there. It was only on mortal worlds that they suddenly became a necessity. At least for lesser beings like Calx and me. Still, as I slid the eggs out of the pan onto a white plate, there were sounds and images coming back to me. I remembered a cozy atmosphere and a scatterbrain, energetic voice over the radio, filling up the kitchen. Calx, younger, was on his chair, bouncing impatiently for the food he so strongly craved. Once, Dad even placed a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to stay still for more than a second. I had made a smartass comment that got him to pout, and the back of my head still remembered the reprimanding smack it had gotten in response. Just as the sight had gotten my brother to chuckle back then, the same sound escaped my lips this morning. A pleasant warmth settled down in my chest, one that made my muscles relax and my mouth turn into a silly grin. With my mind at peace, I sat down and took a bite of my breakfast, taking just that little time to myself. The egg crumbled easily under my teeth, shooting up a line of yoke onto my tongue. Again, memories came to me, reminding me of a time with much more simple issues. It had been a lot easier on my mind back then. My responsibilities weren’t crushing as they felt nowadays. Is that how Mom and Dad felt? Were they always this… afraid? Mom and Dad… The faces were blurry. Their traits… were not quite as precise, as real as the rest of them. My fork hovered away from my closed mouth, immobile. Slowly, my brows furrowed together, while I stared at the silverware held only by my will. Their faces… are blurry. A sudden whistle was enough to get me to focus on the present once more, and I poured myself an admittedly useless cup of coffee. Those weren’t having any effect on me for some reason, other than filling my bladder. At least, it made for a good distraction from the gnawing feeling in my guts. So, on today’s agenda… I fought the shaking in my hind legs, only to hear a few nervous clops against the tiles of our kitchen floor anyway. Fixing some mistakes, a bathroom, and possibly spending time with Twilight. Just as I was putting some order in my thoughts, I felt somepony clear their throat in front of our house, which was followed by the sound of a hoof knocking on the door. Intrigued, I made my way into the hallway, having my cup follow me. Then, with a push of my hoof, I unlocked the door and allowed it to spin on its hinge. If there ever had been a guardian angel looking out for me, it had probably acted at that very moment, as luck would have it that I hadn’t been taking a sip from my coffee cup when I opened the door. A small disaster had thus been averted when I recognized the cheerful and nervous alicorn in front of me. I hadn’t done a spit take of hot coffee on my newly declared marefriend. Thank the Elders for small miracles. “Hello there!” She said casually, with an innocent smile on her face. “P-Princess Sparkle!” I stuttered, clumsily getting into my role of shy unicorn. “I didn’t realize you would be here this early… o-or even today, really.” For a moment, she looked positively nonplussed. No doubt she had expected a more confident stallion to answer the door. With the few passersby in the street not that far away, I dared not break character. Fortunately, Twilight did see were my gaze had gone seconds earlier and she seemed to make the connection. Her eyes lighting up, she caught on to the meaning of my actions and explained further. “I came for your brother’s tutoring lessons.” She sniffed once, taking in the smell of the cooling eggs left in the kitchen, and glanced at the cup levitating beside me. “I hope this isn’t a bad time?” “Not at all,” I said, stepping out of the way and grinning. “I’d be honored to receive your visit.” With a faint blush, Twilight made her way past me, her fur almost brushing against mine in such a narrow hallway. The touch was faint, just enough to bring attention to the proximity of our bodies. Ignoring this either deliberately or innocently, she continued her way inside, with me closing the door and following in tow. There was a flaw in that plan. From my point of view, the inevitable thing I would see was her rump, her beautifully shaped rump, marked by the curve of those flanks and responsible for the sudden explosion of warmth in my face. Her tail, of this intriguing combination of purple and pink, swished back and forth like a pendulum that demanded my attention. It took a lot of willpower to avert my eyes, my gaze naturally coming back to it every few seconds or so. Thankfully, a distraction soon came to get my mind out of the gutter. Arrived at the intersection between the living room and the kitchen in the short few instants it took to get there from the door, Twilight briefly stopped. As the host, it was obviously my job to guide her in the right room, but a burning embarrassment prevented me from speaking. If she turned left, she’d enter the kitchen and I could call Calx to stop her from ever finding out. To her right was… For the love of the Elders, DON’T look in the living room! Of course she looked to her right. “That’s…” She stopped and glanced between me and the disaster zone, eyes widened. “…quite the mess.” “Bachelor’s place,” I said, blushing from horn to hooves, my tail flickering. “I… didn’t have time to pick up after us…” “And the lance stuck in the chimney…?” Twilight pointed, one eyebrow raised. “Hum… colt’s games?” She smiled, but not quite in her usual way. It was halfway sly, with a hint of knowing showing through her eyes. It seemed indulgent, at the very least. “I guess that’s kind of my fault. I showed up unannounced after all.” Her body language however betrayed none of that regret. By the way the corners of her lips first twitched upwards, I would guess this was more amusing than anything else. Nonetheless, a note of embarrassment did appear in her speech next. “It’s just that… since you said you could hear everything… I just figured…” “Other than the fact that I try to give mortals their privacies,” I started, causing her to wince to my own regret. “…Well, even if I can hear it all, I need to give it a minimal amount of attention, which does involve being awake. And as the cup of coffee may attest, I haven’t been up that long.” Her natural curiosity acting up, she took a step toward me, ears perking up. “Late night studying?” Of course that would be your guess, Twi. “Hum…” Do I tell her? I was used to keeping secrets by now. It just came to me more of a second nature than anything now. It didn’t have to be needed; it would come to me before the truth had even showed the tip of its muzzle. One look at her sincere desire to know was enough to make my decision. “Well, I do not think it qualifies.” I grinned sheepishly, scratching the back of my head. “I just helped somepony go to bed.” “Oh, I see what you mean.” She chuckled. “Spike sometimes has trouble falling asleep.” You poor mare. At least, Calx’s a real log once you managed to put him to bed. Speaking of the devil… “Oh, hey Twilight!” He barged in the kitchen, startling Twilight with his complete lack of subtlety. No doubt he had heard her knock at the door and wanted to know what was going on. “How’s it going?” “I’m doing well, thank you. What about you? Did you sleep well?” “Great! Had a sweet dream too. Sam makes a nice pillow I betcha can’t wait to try,” he added as a joke, making a blush spread to Twilight’s cheeks. “Plus, last night was awesome. And I had a really awesome idea to show Spike!” Letting none of the reason for her blush apparent in her tone, she gave him an amused smile, patting the top of his head. “I’ll be sure to mention it to him.” Clearing her throat, Twilight put on a more formal attitude, illuminating her horn with magic. From her saddlebags, a few books flew out, encased in a purple aura, and floated up to the table in the middle of the room. “Now, can you just get a quill and some paper? Your brother asked me to help you with your studies, so we’re going to work together on finding what you could be learning next.” “Awwwww, for real?” He pouted, ears drooping. All indicated that he would start acting up soon. Refusing to let him act like a brat in front of Twilight, I took the matter in my own hooves. Stepping in front of him, I made my voice ring with a stern warning. “Calx. Do as she says.” “Fine…” He mumbled under his breath. “Go get your stuff, and don’t pretend you forgot it at school, I picked you up myself yesterday.” His attempt preemptively foiled, he didn’t make much of a fuss, instead leaving the room while dragging his hooves against the ground. I shook my head and turned to Twilight with a reassuring grin. “Foals.” Fortunately, my words seemed to have an effect on her, squashing the unease I knew was coming back. All because of an understandable assumption about the way I heard ponies. When something inconvenienced her, there was this twitch under her eye. At the moment, her face remained a mixture of carefulness and relaxation. There was still some awkwardness at us being together. Looking closer though, underneath her eyes, I could see dark rings starting to form. “Are you okay?” I asked, gently lifting her chin with my hoof to make her meet my gaze. “You look a little tired yourself.” “Oh, it’s fine…” Her mouth twisted in a grimace and a stifled sound came out, to her dismay. Obviously, her sleep hadn’t been as fulfilling as Calx’s or mine, yet she started waving a hoof in front of her face. “Just didn’t sleep as much as I would have liked tonight. I’m used to it, I do that all the time when I read up on some fascinating subject.” I could not help feel a pang of worry in my chest. She had already said she had had trouble about Celestia’s assignment. Was it just some studies like you said or…? “You could have just remained sleeping, Twilight. There was no need to exhaust yourself for us.” I leaned closer, placing a hoof on her shoulder. “We would have made time for you later, and we can still do that if you want to rest. We didn’t have solid plans for today.” Other than… well, one thing. To my surprise however, she didn’t blush in the slightest, nor did she take the slightest offense to it. Outwardly, at the very least. “Oh no, I promise you, it’s fine.” She waved a hoof dismissively, smiling. “As Spike put it, I really needed to do something else than work on my current project.” “And I’m the nice distraction?” I asked with a smug grin, leaning in to nuzzle her neck. For the first few seconds, she reciprocated, sharing this soft, warm contact with me. Only after she had stolen my gesture of affection did she break it apart and give me a look that was a mixture of embarrassment and teasing. “Technically, it’s your brother I’m visiting.” “Ouch, right in the ego,” I said, mockingly placing a hoof over my ‘broken’ heart. To my joy, her blush faded slightly, hiding less of her natural color. A smile suited her just fine, in my humble opinion. It gave a spark to her eyes, a certain luster that got my heartbeat to accelerate. Listening to my instinct, I leaned forward, closer to her… “Aw crap!” A childish voice shouted and made us jump. “You were being all lovey-dovey again, I bet.” Of course, it wouldn’t be a romantic moment without the little squirt barging in at any moment. Twilight’s face turned an interesting shade of purple again. “Sit down.” I motioned sternly toward a cushion around the table. “And remember what we said yesterday.” Rolling his eyes, Calx set his school stuff in front of him and plopped down on a cushion. And stared. At us both. Clearing her throat, Twilight settled down next to him, careful not to accidentally bump into him. Then, once she was comfortable, she opened one of her books and whispered some words to herself. And Calx was still staring at me. Realizing that I had been standing around doing absolutely nothing but stare at Twilight, I glanced around the kitchen. “I-I’m going to make something. Would you like some coffee?” “Tea, if you have some,” she asked politely, not noticing the grimace Calx made at her words. One hoof to his throat and exaggerated gagging motions, the little brat had no intention to make anything easy around him. Without a word, I forced a juice box in his hooves to shut him up. It worked, even if Twilight raised an eyebrow at seeing him gulp down juice she hadn’t seen him with just a moment ago. “You’re in luck.” I chuckled, levitating a small pouch with a green label from the nearest drawer. “This came with the royal guard uniforms.” Casually, I filled a teapot with hot water and set it to boil, not realizing the inner turmoil I had just caused her. “A… a royal guard uniform?” Twilight asked slowly, her cheeks strangely turning a darker shade of purple. I waved a hoof toward the living room. “Celestia sent them to us, as a gift, I suppose.” A poisonous one, but a gift nonetheless. “And… have you tried yours?” She sounded deceptively casual – well, she tried to –, as her gaze fell on the box with a surprising intensity. There was almost some sort of… desire piercing through her words. “Oh?” I could not help but grin at her, eyes locked with hers as I flared my wings just for a second. Subtly, I puffed my chest, perhaps showing off a bit. “Would you like me to?” Shrinking on herself, her voice so quiet Calx might not have heard it, Twilight squeaked an unbelievably timid ‘yes’. “Well, there is no harm in showing it to you.” Smiling, I left the room and entered the living room, where a giant cardboard box lied open. From the other side of the wall, a childish snicker reached my ears while I was levitating the helmet. Of course Calx would find this funny. It was unclear to me though whether he was laughing at the situation or just me goofing around a bit too much. He wasn’t talking. Then again, neither was Twilight. I could tell, however, that her breathing was a little faster than normal. That kind of thing helped boosted my motivation to say the least. It wasn’t the first time I put that armor on. It had come up yesterday evening and it had, sort of, served its main purpose. Nonetheless, I still had to take some time to figure out where each piece was meant to go. It was only when the helmet was the last piece standing that I stopped being so mechanical about it. Voluntarily putting extra weight on my body had me fidgeting to no end. My hooves were simply dancing. Naturally, my whole being was meant to be virtually weightless, and at least for most purpose it was. In comparison, this thing was heavy. It did not help that my flanks were still exposed despite so much metal weighting down on my torso and upper back. The discrepancy just added to the alienation. Urgh. I’m being silly. My annoyance fueling my magic, I slammed my helmet on perhaps a bit too forcefully, and was rewarded by a throbbing pain at the top of my head. Blinking, I tried to stay standing, with my vision now restricted around the edges. I just wanted to facehoof. Letting out a sigh, I closed my eyes for a second, willing myself to look less like a dork. After taking a deep breath, I stepped inside, head held high and posture straightened under Twilight’s scrutinizing look. “O-oh, that’s not the standard armor…” Her voice trailed off, with her gaze growing distant as she obviously looked back on some old memories. With a brother in the royal guard, I expected her to have seen her fair share of armors. “Mine’s like the others,” Calx declared, somewhat sullen. “Well, a golden one would look silly on me, wouldn’t it?” I twisted around a bit, glancing at my own body. “Gold on gold is… too much, as they would say. I suppose this one fits with my mane.” Absently, I ran a hoof across my forehead, stretching a few pale silver-like strands into my view. By any reasonable estimation, they matched the color of the armor Celestia had sent us. That she was both thoughtful and mischievous with her gifts sent a small spike of stress in my brain. “What do you think?” I asked, turning to her, just in time to catch sight of her eyes intently looking at my flanks. Caught red handed, she was quick to start rambling, with her face radiating more heat than the pan I had fried my breakfast in. “O-oh, I wasn’t staring! Not at all… My eyes just naturally followed up on the movement of your own gaze. It’s a muscle reflex as the brain subconsciously tries to fish for information. I-I swear, I even have some books on the subject! I’m sure that it’s even in one of the biology encyclopedia I brought with me!” Instantly, her muzzle was in her books, half of dozen of them lying flat on our table while two or three levitated around her head. So preoccupied with focusing on her research and not on my body, Twilight didn’t even realize she still hadn’t given me a clear answer to my question… Her face was kept resolutely on the work spread across the dinner table, with no indication that she had any other word for me. Still, her silence was pretty telling. I could feel the air around her wing shaking with some tiny flexes of her muscles. It sounded like she was fighting some stiffness around that area. Now, I would offer her a massage to help her relax, but that was probably moving a bit too fast. Not to mention that Calx was here as well, so it really wasn’t the time. Still, call it vanity, but damn if I didn’t want to parade like a cocky bastard at this moment. My mouth was threatening to break into a smug grin. It felt pretty awesome to have this effect on a mare. Who’s a sexy stallion? This guy! Victory dances aside, there was a goal to be accomplished here, which involved getting a way to get Calx to spend his time in school constructively. For that, he would need Twilight's help, or at least somepony's of similar education level. However, since she was the only one to know about our secret at the moment, it really was the best choice for us. We'd have to set this mentality aside to get anywhere... ...And said studious mare was doing her very best not to have anypony notice how hard she was pinning for the image of me in a guard uniform. Sweet Celly, Twi is just so freaking cute! It was simply hard not to start teasing her about it. Surprisingly quickly though, Twilight placed all her emotions in check, getting herself to focus on Calx. With what seemed to be a procedure copied straight from one of her book, their conversation started like an interview. She was talking gently to him, even if there were bouts of eagerness filtering here and there whenever he got her to look for references on a subject. More importantly, her sincere interest and respect for his knowledge was winning him over. He seemed to be genuinely excited about the discussion they were having. The look on Calx’s face made me smile. I knew you were the right choice for this, Twilight… I thought, feeling a soft warmth settling down in my chest. Quietly, I stepped outside the kitchen, muting the noises my armor made as I moved. I had no intention to disturb them when things were going so smoothly. It was only once I had left the room that I turned into a breeze and let the plates of silvery metal fall soundlessly to the ground. This sounded like a good time to clean up the living room. Perhaps that would help redeem Twilight’s opinion of me a little. So, rolling up some imaginary sleeves, I started to move some stuff around, starting with the lance that was still stuck in the chimney. A simple yank of telekinesis did not seem to do the trick, and infiltrating the gap between the bricks and the metal seemed a little overkill. Standing on my hind legs, wings expanded for some balance, I closed my mouth onto the long handle sticking out. While I tried to ignore the taste of wood on my tongue, I bit down on it harder, and started to pull. The first try only served to block a nerve in my neck. Tartarus! The second ended with me almost biting my tongue when I slipped. Luna’s plot! No, seriously, I was not going to be defeated by a lance, for buck’s sake! With a rage fueled cry of anger, I threw myself at the weapon, closed my wings around the handle and pulled with all my might. Aaaaaaaand… done. There, I thought with a strong exhalation. One thing done, a truckload more to do to get this place back to a livable level. Wouldn’t want to spend too much time in a place as messy as this, right? That mental comment gave me a pause. It… sounded a lot like I had made up my mind about our situation. Like I had made a decision… But, the thing was, I’d never stopped to think of this as a choice. It had always been a question of success and failure, never of looking at alternatives and picking the lesser of two evils. If I were given the choice… would I prefer to stay here? To my resigned horror, the first sentiment that passed through my heart wasn’t an instant recoil. That blasphemous thought hadn’t set me ablaze with indignation and anger. It had only been a fleeting pause, a few sparks of happiness and the hope that our situation would simply continue to grow better. Denial wasn’t even an option. T-there were… there were things I liked about Equestria. The ponies, for starters. A small part of me insisted on the stupidity of that feeling, that it shouldn’t have been real. Somehow, with the distance I had first placed between them and me, with the then strong feelings of hatred and disgust, I should have been far from making bonds with anypony. It was much more likely that I would make some enemies, that a few ponies would appreciate me and that the vast majority of the world would be indifferent anyway. As irony would have it, I could not name half as many ponies I disliked as the ones I did appreciate. It was an interesting cast of stallions and mares, alicorns, unicorns, pegasi and earth ponies. But, clashing suddenly with the rest of my memories, amongst those were also the fading images of two guilt-ridden humans. The effect was instantaneous. A wave of cold washed over me. And the thoughts died. No, my tone grew sober, practically void of emotion. I would not. It’s not a choice I could make. Slowly, I looked down, eyes half-closed with a peaceful resignation. There was nothing to make me change my mind, not Twilight’s affection, not the others’. Then why am I still pretending that this could be real? Why do I care to maintain this fruitless lie? Too suddenly, I became acutely aware of Twilight presence in the other room. S-she was still talking to Calx. Her voice was traveling through me, like any other ripple of noise, yet that one hurt… It made me uneasy, something close to shame. The room was spinning. My breath came out faster, stronger. I needed to leave this place. Now. J-just… put some distance between us for the time being… To dull the sound they were making. “Alright, you two, I need to go do some shopping.” I called, making a grab for my saddlebag. “If you need anything, you can call for me. I’ll hear it.” At my announcement, two heads peeked out of the kitchen, eyes lighting up with curiosity. “There was something that needed your attention this early?” Twilight blinked, frowning and glancing around the house in search of an obvious missing object she might have been blind to before. “Yes.” I let out an exasperated sigh, then sent a mild glare toward a sheepish Calx. “Our bath was the subject to an unfortunate accident.” “Oh.” She blinked, eyes wide open. “Of a nature similar to the typhoon that devastated your living room?” I felt my ears flatten against the back of my head, just as I averted my gaze. “You can ask my brother for details on that. N-now, I really need to get going.” After a quick goodbye, they returned to their work and I took the opportunity to make a swift departure. Once outside, I allowed myself to breath more deeply. A gentle breeze was brushing against my fur, cooling down the worst of the heat generated from the sunrays. The atmosphere was calming, typical of a small town like Ponyville, really. Feeling my heartbeat slowing down, I felt that I could start my trip to the plumber. Honestly, I didn’t truly know where to find such a pony, but if worst came to come, it would be easy to ask anypony. Projecting a calm exterior, I resolved not to elaborate on the other directions my brain had spun these ideas. There was a question at the front of my mind that I didn’t have either the courage to formulate or to repel. It was a fairly simple thought, perhaps trivial on some level. With my head slightly turned to my left, my eye could catch a glimpse of the shadow of a city on the mountainside. Despite me, my steps came to a halt, and I fought a shiver going down my spine. Celly, have you found anything yet? Are we any closer to going home? I didn’t ask her. Not… not yet. Not yet… -- Canterlot Castle was, as always, buzzing with activity. A constant flow of ponies and other creatures entered and left it every hour of the day. There was never a dead moment in the siege of Equestria’s royalty, even less so since the return of Princess Luna and the restoration of the Night Court. As such, it was a rare treat for either alicorn to find the time to breathe and relax once their work had begun. Through some stroke of luck, however, the Alicorn of the Day had managed to, so far, enjoy her meal in peace. It was all about to change, brutally. “Princess Celestia!” A mare cried as she barged in, out of breath. The court did not even have time to reprimand her for her lack of decorum, since the servant had sprinted toward her target the instant she entered. “This message has arrived from the embassy, just now.” “Thank you, Silent Praise.” The ruler nodded her head, taking the scroll with a flicker of magic. For a few seconds, most of the nobles feigned a lack of interest in their princess’ business, finding themselves absorbed in their meals, tea or important documents. The complete lack of conversation betrayed their intention far too clearly however. Everypony was focused on the sovereign of the Equestrian nation. As it so happened, Princess Celestia’s porcelain cup had been raised to her lips, from the force of a habit a thousand years old, when her eyes first fell onto the accusation of mass brainwashing of children from three different countries. Spraying as a mist of transparent green liquid, in a most exquisite display of aerodynamics, splintered by the glitter of light refracting into each droplet, her tea travelled all the way from her mouth to the face of a most unfortunate unicorn noble, Prince Blueblood. Dripping wet, his mane sticking into his eyes that could still see the gasping nobles surrounding him, it would have been generous to describe his state of mind as “fuming”. Somehow, someway, there could only be one pony to have orchestrated this. Justice demanded that he started plotting for Prince Ventus’ swift demise immediately. No, on the other hoof, a slow demise would be much more fitting. Agony could still be debated but was strongly considered. -- I was nervous. There was something that had started tugging at some corners of my mind after our visit at the hospital. Hearing Thunderlane’s words to Rumble had reminded me of some things, a lot of which hadn’t held any weight when my soul had been more fractured. With some of my empathy back, I couldn’t look back on everything that I did without flinching, and most importantly... well, somepony else would benefit from this lesson. At my side, Calx was pouting, obviously unhappy to be there. When I had first mentioned it to him, he had reacted somewhat poorly. It had taken me pulling some tricky cards to convince him. At least, he would be here to see it. We were currently waiting in front of a pair of impressive wooden doors, ones that served as the entrance to a three-story house with the most expensive looking ornaments in all of Ponyville. A few seconds ago, I had knocked, and heard some ponies on the other side hurry off to answer. They were close. Slowly, the door crept open, enough to let the head of an aging mare through. Unimpressed, she glanced at us both with a slightly inquisitive look. Enough to prompt me to speak, at the very least. “Hello, my name is Cloud Circle and I wanted to know if it was possible to talk to the head of this household.” “Do you have a rendezvous scheduled?” She asked in a monotone tone. “Not at all.” I shook my head. “We were hoping to catch him during an off moment, to be honest.” At this comment, the mare looked us both from head to hooves, either unimpressed or bored out of her mind. No doubt she couldn't tell who we were. It had to make a somewhat intriguing message to bring back to her employer. Well, maybe, I was banking on that. “I’ll go see if he wants to meet you.” She brought a hoof down, turning around in the same motion. “Wait here.” I nodded, doing my best not to appear too green. The tension in my guts only faded away once the maid had left. It didn't, on the other hand, make it any less awkward. Calx’s eyes were fixed on the gardens, his mouth forming a thin line. Internally, I sighed. You're not going to make this any easier, are you? It wasn't pleasant to see him like this, but this time, I really could not relent. Not this time. To my relief, the sound of a lock being undone came to my ears, and I turned back toward the house. Just in time to see, behind the richly decorated black panels, a middle-aged earth pony greet us, as he quickly reajusted his cravate and vest in places. “Hello, sirs. Is there something I can do for you?” “Mr. Rich?” I asked with a little uncertainty. “May we enter?” “Yes, I have some free time ahead of me…” He let his voice trail off, a little confused at our presence, I would guess. “Glad to meet you, Mr. Rich,” I said, extending a hoof for him to shake. “My name is Cloud Circle.” For a second, his expression remained carefully measured. Then, I could see the understanding in his eyes, and he gave me a small but polite hoofshake. “Aren’t you the new member of our weather team?” Wow, the guy knows his ponies… “Yes, and this is my little brother, Feather Dust.” I forced my head down with a hoof, into a sheepish position. “There was something I needed to discuss with you. I promise you not to waste your time.” “Enter,” he said, stepping aside, albeit with a note of suspicion. Without wasting a moment, for fear either he would change his mind or Tom followed his desire to be somewhere else, I gave my little brother a telekinetic push and made him follow me inside. Quickly, however, the use of magic grew unecessary, as he simply trotted ahead, examining our surroundings. Where the royal castle was a giant of stone, this was its wooden brethren. A decorated carpet softened every step taken, cushioning our hooves comfortably each time, its red coat reaching toward the walls. Tapestries whispered stories to the ears of each passing pony, something mystical from a time before my birth. They formed a saga, a woven message that led others toward the different parts of the household in a waving ochestra of arts. I could not help but remember the previous weeks, of the many times we had walked into a place like this one. And in Calx's eyes, I saw the same nostalgia that I knew my gaze held. A cold blade stabbed my guts at this, for the knowledge that he did miss Canterlot as well. The guilt was mine to hold. But others could not be concerned with this, and Filthy Rich quickly guided us to a cozy room, where some dark brown couches and a sophisticated table ornated with a black bowl of fruits awaited us. "Here, the second salon should do nicely." With a gesture of his head, he invited us to sit down, and, as soon as we had done so, Filthy Rich turned his attention to a passing maid. “Tulip Garden, could you bring something to drink for our guests?” The green mare turned her head toward us, her chin slightly raised in a silent question. Catching on, I smiled timidly. “Some coffee would be nice, black.” She gave me a simple nod, her stance still half bowed, then sent a glance toward my little brother, whose attention had been captured by a glistening apple. Sighing, I poked his shoulder. "Do you want anything to drink?" Finally noticing the attention the maid was giving him, Calx blinked in surprise. “Huh… d’you have hot chocolate?” “I'm afraid not, young colt.” She shook her head. “Would you like some orange juice instead?” “Sure.” He shrugged. "Very well," the mare said, and left the room. Things... stayed silent... I wasn't quite ready to speak, not with the threat of that maid coming back at any moment. To my surprise, Filthy Rich stood and trotted up to the middle of the room, precisely where Calx had been staring. My heart started beating faster, as I wondered if he hadn't been somehow offended by his lack of subtlety. But his traits that had so far seemed to present only caution softened, and he picked the fruit to offer it to my little brother. "Here, you might as well have been eating it with your eyes. I have been in enough meetings to know what it is like to wait while food is resting in smelling range." "Thanks!" Calx wasted no time with formalities and only offered a grateful grin before digging in. Filthy Rich's simple reaction was to ruffle his mane. Yeah, I think it will be alright... It was not long until the maid had come back with each of our beverages and had placed them accordingly across the table. “Thank you, Tulip,” Filthy Rich told her warmly. “Now, if you would please leave us alone and warn Minute Method not to interrupt us...” “Of course, Mr. Rich." She bowed. "I will be tending to the gardens.” My eyes trailing on her, I waited until she had disappeared to talk. However, our host got the better of me. “Now then, Mr. Circle, what did you want to meet me for? Does this concern the weather patrol?” Feeling a little heat in my cheeks, I glanced to the side. “The matter at hoof is simple, but quite sensitive, I would say.” I-it'll be alright... Fighting back a last minute spark of reticence, I rose from my seat. Under the confused look of my interlocutor, I extended my wings and shattered the illusion. Instantly, a wave of magic rippled over my fur, like a delicate touch that ripped a piece of clothing too tight over my skin. Golden yellow replaced the darker shade of orange, and I stood exposed. “You!” The stallion almost lunged at us, really. I had seen his muscles tense. Through great self-control alone, he managed to stop himself and spoke with a hiss. “What are you doing here?!” I bit back a flare of anger, speaking as quietly as I dared. “We came to apologize.” The stallion stopped dead in his track, taken aback. “I’m sorry? W-what did you just-?” “That night was a horrible event that I wish had never happened.” I lowered my eyes, willing myself not to fall prey to this icy feeling in my guts. There was a part of me that hated this, that felt humiliated to bow before this pony, however right it should have been. I only stared back once I thought the feeling would not be visible in my behavior, albeit my voice had grown quiet. “This is my peace offering to you. We are supposed to be hiding from the media for the time being, as our cousin Celestia ordered us. However, you are now in the known. If you reveal our identities, then we will come into fire for my disobedience of her orders, the journalists will chase us and you will have had your revenge for our actions.” For a moment, the brown stallion said nothing, his expression frozen while he tried to process my declaration, just like Calx tried to, his jaw dropped down to an extreme. But more seconds passed and Filthy Rich still hadn’t spoken. I felt a twitch of fear at the thought that I had overestimated my abilities to read ponies, that he would use that knowledge against us and ruin every effort Celly had put into it. It was a gamble, and a very serious one at that. “It…” Filthy Rich’s expression then lightened with a softness I hadn’t expected. “It would be very ungracious of me to refuse an offer for peace such as this, Prince Ventus.” Before I could even think, my hind legs had given out, making me fall down on my rump with the knowledge that I hadn’t screwed up. I hadn’t realized how badly the idea had scared me before this very instant. “I accept your apologies. And present my own.” My own eyes widened in surprise. “At that time, I was defending my daughter and may have overstepped the line.” Listen to us now… A mental chuckle rang through my brain. “I don’t believe you were the only stallion acting in defense of their family that night, Mr. Rich. Believe me when I say I understand what you were going through. I certainly will not hold it against you either.” With those few words spoken, the tension between us seemed to have dissipated. The atmosphere in the room had lightened, throwing away the overprotectiveness we had both proven ourselves capable of and leaving only the traces of our goodwills. “Then, since the blame is shared and our apologies mutually accepted, let us put the past behind us and try start over again.” I stared for a few seconds at the hoof offered, then took it. Unlike our first hoofshake, I put the strength of an earth pony in it, as did Mr. Rich. An unspoken agreement passed between us, between the sincere warmth and firmness of this contact. “You are a good stallion, Mr. Rich.” I breathed a sigh of relief, smiling. “Those are kind words, my Prince, but I’m afraid somepony has yet to express their opinion on all this.” Yeah, I was afraid it might come to that... As he said it, we all became aware of a quartet of light hooves moving through the hallway next to the salon. Without even a knock, the door was spun on its hinges and let in a pink filly. “Daddy! Have you see-?” Her voice died in her throat as soon as she noticed us, her eyes going wide with shock. Strangely, however, it wasn't on my true appearance that her attention seemed so focus. She was looking at Calx, with her face turning red. S-she’s can't be…? Twice?! Using her silence as an opportunity, Diamond Tiara's father sat her down next to him, explaining the situation at hand. His words were soothing, comforting to a fault. In return, the filly was surprisingly attentive, even if, from times to times, her gaze slipped back toward my brother. Her eyes seemed to be... almost watering. On my side of things, I was whispering quickly to Calx not to blow a casket again. We had come to be nice, even if it was mostly me doing the talking, it was not the time to antagonize them again! Yet his frown did not recede at all. By this point, Filthy Rich had reached the end of his explanation. “Princess?” He gently coaxed an answer out of her, placing a fatherly hoof over her shoulder. “What do you say to that? Will you keep the secret?” For a fleeting second, I could have sworn her right leg had hesitated to go over her heart. Her breath had hitched. “F-fine!” She raised her muzzle high in the air, doing her best not to appear shaken. “But only if Blade goes on a date with me!” “WHAT?!” Calx shouted, almost snarling. Oh the little bitch… I thought, only to feel a wave of shame hit me when my eyes went back to Filthy Rich. “Diamond Tiara!” He growled, sounding distinctively unhappy. Unfortunately, her bravado seemed to have resisted her father's ire, as she proceeded to point at herself with the fake making of a victim. “Well, it’s only fair, right? I just wanted to spend time with him before he started yelling, like, for no reason at all!” Strangely, I found that her words lacked their usual bite. It wasn’t that snide, high pitched mocking tone of hers; there was a note of… pain, this time. Her last words, especially, had echoed of a wounded pride. “Why would I want to go on a date with you?!” “Oh my gosh! I can’t believe you!” She shouted in frustration, rearing angrily. “Why did you have to be such a pretty colt?!” Calx opened his mouth to retort angrily, but suddenly stopped, his eyes widening wildly. What she had just said started to register for him, and Diamond Tiara froze just as abruptly, her cheeks coloring a darker shade of pink. Mr. Rich and I were just staring. “I-I… ” She stuttered, looking around for any desperate distraction for the fact that she had admitted to crushing on my brother. It might have gone better if Calx hadn't decided to snort humorlessly, a sneer on his face. "Are you kidd-?" I had silenced the sounds too late. Just as I had glanced at my brother, who seemed shocked by the lack of sound coming out of his mouth, there had been a high pitched gasp. The pink filly had disappeared in a blink of an eye, running away to her room, or so I guessed. “Diamond Tiara!” Her father shouted after her, though his voice was laced with worry this time. And since we hadn't hit rock bottom just yet, things got worse in the form of Calx rushing outside through a window. "T-... Feather Dust!" I yelled, but too late. The salon's only occupant were just Mr. Rich and me now. ...This has gone well, I thought, my tail twitching once or twice. “I-I... ” I shot an apologetic look at Filthy Rich. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think this would happen.” “N-no, it is fine, Prince Ventus.” He shot a pained look in the direction his daughter had run off. His gaze was understanding, if not a little disappointed. “I was also quite surprised at their reactions. I think they simply weren’t ready yet.” “Y-yes, you’re probably right…” My eyes went to the window, as if I would somehow catch a glimpse of orange by pure luck. “I will try to smooth it over with him.” "We should talk more later. I will speak with Diamond Tiara." Exchanging a nod with him, I faded into the air and went after Calx. All to this dismay though, there was a piece of disappointment toward myself. Had I been too naïve, too hopeful? It was a dangerous trend to allow this much weight to a simple wishful thought. Why did I think this could work? -- The shedding of my mortal body should have sent a pulse of satisfaction through my whole being, yet no such respite could calm the growing worry in my guts. Oh, I had no doubts that I would find my fleeing brother. It was not even a question. The flow of his pegasus magic flashed akin to a star through the sky. No, what I feared were the whispers, the voices of darkness that sometimes sang to me, the reflection of my eyes in a golden plate and the bloodlust calling, what I feared was the untamed anger I had within me, and that would push me onto a dark and solitary path. Truly, nothing could have horrified me more than what I had started to realize. He was following my hoofsteps. Panic seizing my heart, my thoughts almost came to a screeching halt. Within seconds, a sphere of wind had encased Calx, and he was back in our new home. I reappeared in front of him in a gust of wind, almost throwing him off his hooves, but he held his ground. The glare he sent my way spoke volume about his current state of mind. "What did you do that for?!" He stepped forward, brazenly defiant, wings shivering. "I didn't even yell! I'm not going to just do what she tells me to, okay!" “This isn’t just about Diamond Tiara!” I almost yelled, my emotions running thick within my veins and carrying forward with every word coming out of my mouth. "You don't have to do anything she says! I wasn't setting you up on a date!" “Liar! She didn't even hear half of what I said!” My voice snapped like a whip. “Tom, listen!” “I don’t wanna!” He struggled, squirming to get out of my grip, no doubt to go sulk somewhere and grumble about the unfairness of life in general. Yet, I could not fault him for that. I knew precisely how well I’d react in his place, and that was why I could not afford to let him leave before I had a talk to him. With so many thoughts dancing in my head, a mute pain had started panging at my chest. It made my voice sound broken. “This is important. Please…” Startled, Tom froze, rendered cautious by my unusually shaken words. “W-what is it, Sam?” He asked, frowning, but not without an undertone of fear. “You don’t… you don’t sound like you…” “Because this is not something easy to share with you. What I’m about to tell you is something all alicorns must come to terms with, all of us. Look, what happened back with Diamond Tiara, that was just me trying to help you, because it's different for us. Sometimes, it is learned through experience; sometimes, it is simply wisdom; but more often than not, one alicorn has to impart that knowledge to another.” I could feel his excitement. It was there, under the surface. Though another part of him dared not hope, for he could still read my unease. “Little brother…” I said, swallowing what seemed to be emptiness. “You have to make amends. For us, more than anypony, it is crucial that we don’t let grudges guide our actions, and that we make peace with those that offend us. You do not want to live with the weight of untold regrets.” “I don’t regret it!” He shouted, his previous offense resurging in what he doubtlessly saw as an attempt from me to manipulate him into accepting Diamond Tiara’s offer. It was like looking in a mirror… Days ago, it had been Celestia in my horseshoes, looking down at a stubborn youth that was on the verge of making such a terrible mistake, all for the wrong reasons. Who are you to tell him that? Dark whispers echoed in my head. I felt cold… colder than I had ever been since coming to Ponyville. You are even worse than him in that regards… It’s always like this with you, Ventus. You look down on so many other ponies… but you never realize how much lower than them you are. He is following your example, lash out and forget. Who cares, right? But now, once more, you want to be the preacher, the one that is pure enough to teach the right path. Who ARE you to make such claims?! And I felt myself unable to deny their words. Yes… to deny… I was completely unable to form a proper defense to my own depravity. It was the truth. But that did not matter! I AM HIS BIG BROTHER! I shouted back to the darkest echoes of my mind. What does it matter if I can’t do what I preach?! That’s on me! It’ll be my suffering, MY downfall! But that’s not what being a big brother is about! It’s not about the path I take, nor the mistakes I make. It’s about him! It’s about making sure he will be safe, that he will not have to carry this burden. You can be damn certain I will sooner impale myself with my own horn before I let bullshit like moral high ground stop me from helping him! Now, be silent before I purge you away like the plague you are! The chill faded away, leaving only Calx and myself in our home. “And in a hundred years, bro? In three hundred?! In a thousand?! IN TEN THOUSAND YEARS?!” My voice boomed, making him jump at least a feet in the air. With a long sigh, I shook my head. I was too reeling from this argument that had taken place in my own mind. Slowly, my breathing returned to a normal pace and I became confident my tone would be soft enough. “You’re not the same as you were thirty years ago, Calx! Are you sure you will never feel differently about this? Never, ever, ever?” His previous snarl had all but disappeared. On his face, there was but a pensive grimace and a reluctant admittance. He didn’t like what I was saying and I feared, deeply, that he’d refuse to listen further. Then, his gaze fell to the ground, as his eyes shone with an uncertain light. He was listening, even trying to understand, to see beyond his own childish mentality. Seeing this, air returned to my lungs as I let go of the breath I had been holding. I was proud of him for that. “Every living thing changes with time, even creatures like us.” “But… Sam…” He called, his voice so quiet… For a second, I closed my eyes, strengthening my resolve to go through with it. It wasn’t just about Diamond Tiara, it was something painful, and something I had to do to protect him. My role as a big brother had never felt so hard to accomplish before. With one hoof, I lifted his chin, asking that his gaze met mine. Sorry, Tom… The words were coming off chopped, as my strength started to betray me. “But we won’t die. The years will go on and the two of us will still be able to walk the plains of this world without ever experiencing the blights of old age. Others… others are different, Calx. Most will die long before you’ve become an adult alicorn.” His breath hitched; his grip on me tightened. None of the signs of his sudden sadness could escape my sight, and each one was seared into my brain. They burned at the back of my eyes, made it harder to focus when all I wanted was for him to smile again. But I couldn’t! This was too important! I could not let him learn this lesson by himself. Once it happened, it would already be too late! “Every life is so fragile… so precious… that the most tragic events could happen at any time… And at that time, it will be far too late, Tom.” My eyes started to sting. In spite of my will, the faces of past beings had started flashing in my mind. In more than four centuries of existence, I had already failed so many… To the rules and to my mistakes… Some memories were already harassing me. “Sometimes, there are no second chances. S-sometimes… you never get the chance to correct a wrong… and all you will be able to do then, is endure… endure until even their bones have become dust.” He hiccupped… and my fur started to feel damp at the level of his face. “So, Tom, you need to think back on your actions. Do you really think it is worth it to hold grudges like that? Remember that some of the things you do will have lifelong consequences… and we have a very long lifespan…” With a sniff, he managed to look up, albeit his eyes shone with the tears he had already shed. His voice sounded lower than usual, tainted with confusion and desperation. “I…. huh… I don’t know, Sam…” My whole being threatened to be torn apart at the pitiful image he presented. An absolutely foul taste seemed to fill my mouth, turning this pain into a deep self-loathing. I… I had… done what was necessary for him… and Elders… it had been the most difficult thing I had ever done. Almost shaking, I leaned forward, offering a comforting nuzzle he returned strongly. “I understand. Don’t worry. I know it’s a lot to take in, Calx.” He stayed still, only occasionally rubbing his head against mine, almost like he was searching for something. I could only hope that whatever it was, he found it in me. Slowly, after he stopped clinging to me, I broke away from him, enough to lock my gaze with his. “Just promise me you’ll think about it.” “Yeah…” “Good,” I said, voice raw while I rubbed his mane gently. Still, his image, sitting on his orange rump with his head down, gripped at my heart. Already, there were regrets assailing my conscience. I knew it was becoming more than necessary to teach him that, but… Neither of us enjoyed it. The best thing to do was probably to take his mind off it for now, and speak with him about it again at a later moment. So… what could I use as a distraction then? “Twilight?” I whispered. I was rewarded with a satisfying squeak of surprise. “V-Ventus? Is that you?” “I was thinking of finding a great adventures series for Calx to read, tomorrow. I will doubtlessly need some help searching for the right books. Do you believe you could spare some time?” “It’s my job,” she said, so deadpan that I could picture a perfect eye roll from it alone. My lips turning into a smug grin, I chuckled. “Then it’s a date. We’ll be there this afternoon.” “Date?!” She dropped her books to the ground, then there was the cry of fear from Spike and crumpling paper. Luckily, from what I could gather, the baby dragon had managed to dodge the incoming tower of paper. And loudly complained about it. Having Tom meet up with his dragonic friend should help them both. This should be fun. -- The sheet of paper burned in his hands. Almost literally too. The palms of his hands were sweaty from the stress and they were radiating heat. At the moment, however, his gaze remained fixated on the fan attached to the ceiling. And one question always returned to the front of his mind. Was he really willing to try this? Sam was his friend, his parents were on the verge of collapsing, but he w-was… he was scared! Scared of what this thing he held within his grasp might mean. Scared that it might actually be true. It seemed silly, almost stupid in its childishness. That didn’t change anything. If it happened to be true, i-if… if he really had found a way to follow those two into Equestria… Then what was he supposed to do? There had to be a reason they weren’t back yet. Sam… Sam had seen exactly how badly his brother’s disappearance had affected their parents. He’d witnessed it firsthand. And made it worse… Eric couldn’t stop himself from thinking. H-hopefully not intentionally. The second that thought had crossed his mind, he wanted to kick himself for it. H-how could he think something like that? His friend had never acted in a way that could make him think like that! He’d never been intentionally malicious! E-except… His mind supplied him with an abundance of imagery, all born from the typed words on the dull white font of a forum thread, all of them vivid, sickening and downright terrifying. No! T-that… that had to have been a one-time deal! And it was done because he thought they were wishing harm on Tom! Sam cared about his family! It was even more of a reason to believe that… that… His lung seemed devoid of air now. From the moment he had formulated the thought that they were in Equestria to this very moment, there had been an unstated fear holding him back. But in his mental arguing, he’d put his apprehensions into words, and that alone had given it a dreadful grip on his emotions. There was this emptiness in his stomach, that served only to amplify the slow chill that was crawling over his skin. All over him, except for his hands. They still held the knowledge of the ritual needed to make the trip. A one-way trip, Eric could not help but believe. Maybe not, he could be wrong and there were other conditions to a safe return from Equestria, once one had used the spell, but… just in case… Could he take that chance? Could he actually risk his whole life on Earth? If he were to leave Earth behind, to leave everything and everyone he cared about save for that one friend of his, what would he be left with? His mind wandered, to places both comforting and disheartening. His life goals? They would be pointless. All he had worked for would be rendered useless. He’d have to throw that away. He’d leave his home behind too, this sensation of stability and comfort he had needed for so long. It would be strange, he knew, not to have this constant with him anymore. His friends… well, Cassandra was already gone. She wasn’t answering any of his texts for some reason… Eyes going down, his chest panged with throbbing sadness. It was as if their friendship had faded away at the same time as Sam. Sam… He tried – dear Lord, he tried – to push away the hateful blue eyes that he kept seeing, that were even more haunting now that he had seen a glimpse of what was behind them, but it did not come to him easily. Other memories flashed in his mind, some in classes where Sam had chuckled quietly after a great piece of snark from Cassandra, some of them just of his voice over an Internet connection coming from his own headset, yet one lingered longer than the others. The warmth of a phantom hand seemed to seep into his shoulder, where his friend had placed it once before. T-that evening, he’d been heartbroken, and his friend had just been there. It was all he had wanted at the time, and Sam had been the only one to actually give it to him… I-it seemed the most treacherous betrayal to dare hesitate! S-shouldn’t it be his turn to be there for his friend?! Still the parts of him that remembered the little boy he once was were scared, scared of being alone again and scared of leaving her alone the same way Sam had left his parents. He wouldn’t wish that void on anybody! But… It scared him, damn it! The Millers’ images were tainted gray in his mind… They held no life anymore. All he could think of when he summoned back his memories of his last meeting with them was of broken silhouettes. He could not see them as they had been, not even in that brief spark of anger. What would Sam think if he knew his thoughts? What would he react like if he knew he hesitated to help? Even with a tight knot in his throat, Eric still couldn’t make his decision. It wasn’t just his life that would change! “Mom?” He called, looking into the kitchen. “C-can I talk to you?” Seconds later, he heard some ruffling clothes. “I’m in the living room.” Recognizing the silent order, the teen hurried off to meet her, only to stop himself in the doorstep. His mother was already standing, armed crossed over her disheveled blouse. “What is it?” She asked, her eyes expressing a weak annoyance and an unpleased resignation. All of a sudden, the words Eric had chosen deserted him, leaving him with a blank and a tightened throat in front of his mother. “I-if… if I were to leave…” He felt his voice weaken, and his shoulders fall. He could not keep his eyes on his mother any longer. His cheeks were burning with shame. “Y-you see… There’s this ‘project’ I want to do, badly, but i-it would mean that I… that I could be gone for a while. I… I don’t want to hurt you, Mom, but this is pretty important. It could change some people’s lives.” Silence fell. He expected it after making such a heavy statement. But his desperate plea was met with less sentimentality than he would have thought. His mother stared intently at him, taking in another breath of smoke, before letting it loose with a few drawling words. “You want… my opinion on that?” She left the question hang in the air, looking up at an angle, her cigarette held precariously. For a moment, her lips remained unmoving, seemingly frozen in a mulling pout. Eric felt his anxiety grow, unable to see what she was thinking. He’d never been able to. Her eyes narrowed, if only a little. “You’re planning on doing that for a friend of yours?” For a second, he hesitated, shocked that she knew about this, then nodded swiftly. "Look, Eric." Her hand paused halfway, leaving her cigarette hanging downward. A thin line of smoke continued rising out of it, like a thin curtain separating them. "You're not a kid anymore. You may not be of age yet, but that's just numbers. You don't need someone to hold your hands throughout your days." He… he didn’t know what to think of that. Some corner of his mind wanted to be proud that she saw him as an adult, but, at the same time, he couldn’t help notice how she seemed to lack that same pride. He should just… roll with it, as usual. “I’ve tried bringing you up to be a man like your father.” She sighed, her eyes showing a hint of true sadness for the first time since they had started talking. “God knows if I’ve succeeded, but he was a man. What he did, no one could have demanded of him. That never stopped him, because he made that choice himself.” In that instant, her gray gaze seemed not to see him. However, before he could formulate the thought, the spark returned in her eyes, and gave them a cutting edge. “So, at the end of the day, this big project of yours, it is your decision, and it's a decision that you, as a man, should take by yourself and for yourself, and not for others.” For a second, Eric felt something contract in his chest. He couldn’t have wished for a better sentiment from her, it was what he needed to hear from her, yet… it really bore down on his mind how little it seemed to touch her. And, as if she could read his thought, her next words all but confirmed it. "Not for me." She shook her head slowly, speaking with a neutral tone. Then, gently, she brought her hand into a fist, and poked her son in the middle of his chest. “For yourself, Eric.” For a moment, he did not know what to think. He could only stare at the fist against his torso, that conveyed those words of confidence and a bit of comfort to him, even as it started to retreat away from him. She had told him to make his own choice. In a roundabout way, she trusted him. Finally, he smiled, his shambles of thoughts becoming undone with every word of hers that soaked in. The hesitation within him was gone, completely, and he steeled himself into his decision. “Thanks, Mom.”