“Seriously, though. Why is it called that?”
“What, a ‘horn?’” Churning replied as he led Rainbow Dash through the winding cavern full of walkways, mirrors, and wandering buffalo. “Well, years ago, the mountain rams of Equestria had a war with the now-extinct goblin kingdom and… well… they did some not-so-pleasant things to the skulls of their dead enemies.”
“No, not that. I mean this place we’re hreaded to.” Rainbow grimaced as she forced herself to say it. “The… mmmnnngh… Bison Boob Tube.”
“You really wanna know that badly?”
“Honestly? No.”
“Good.” Churning smirked as he trotted and hopped up ahead. “Because that’s why I never bothered to find out.”
“And just what kind of a buffalo wears sunglasses indoors?”
“Maybe He Who Bags Well is blind.”
Rainbow glared. “He was looking at me.”
“Oh.” Churning shrugged. “Maybe he was deaf.”
Rainbow groaned in mid-flap. “You know, I think your years of hitting stuff with your skull is starting to wear out on you.”
“Yes, well, your days of having your head in the cloud is starting to air out your brain!”
“What?”
“See?” Churning smirked. “Two can play at that game.”
“No, I mean--Huh? What does that even mean? It doesn’t make any sense!”
“That’s something that isn’t in short supply around here,” Churning said, taking point as the two threaded their way down a narrow corridor full of torchlight. The echoes of grunting and charging buffalo reverberated off the tight walls and glossy mirror surfaces. “I’d be lying if I said there weren’t tons of hooffolk who felt that the buffalo really don’t belong here. All they do is dig deeper and deeper into the mountain and cause avalanches to blanket the foothills outside.”
“That sounds super awful.”
“But, they do find lots of gold and minerals down here!” Churning said as the two entered a brightly-lit chamber. “And you can sell them almost anything, so long as your body survives the initial test when you arrive at their front door. You’re lucky, pony! Heh… first time they knocked me over the edge, I didn’t have wings!”
“You seem to have done well for yourself,” Rainbow Dash said.
“Oh, totally!” Churning paused to look back at her. “Especially for having landed seventy feet on my head!” Cl-clunk! His left horn fell off. “Oh dear.”
Rainbow winced. “Uhhhhh…”
“Unngh… there we go!” Churning picked the horn back up and “twisted” back into place along the left side of his skull. “Uhm… you didn’t see that.”
“Right.” Rainbow shuddered. “Are we there yet?”
“I dunno! You tell me!” And, with a smirk, Churning tilted his fuzzy neck up and gestured towards the ceiling.
Rainbow glanced up and realized that she couldn’t see it. “Whoah…” A tall, winding, vertical tunnel stretched straight above them. “So this is it, huh?”
“Yes,” Churning uttered with a nod. “Thanks for not repeating the name.”
“You’re welcome.” Rainbow Dash floated a little higher, squinting into the darkness. “So, they say the Slithering comes from somewhere up in there?”
“Certainly looks like the kind of place that I’d hide out if I was called ‘the Slithering.’” Churning nodded. “I’d help you do some deep, perilous spelunking, but… well… nature traded my wings for horns when I fell out of my Momma’s butt.”
“You still can, you know.”
“I doubt it. She’s kind of a small sheep.”
“No, I mean…” Rainbow gestured towards the corridor above. “You can help me. I’m used to open skies, not underground rock intestines n’crap.”
“There’s an old saying back in Ramtown…” Churning droned.
“What’s that?” Rainbow smirked. “‘Ow! My head!’?”
“No. It’s ‘what’s in it for me?’”
“Don’t you wanna find out what this ‘Slithering’ junk is?”
“That’s not good enough. I’m already nervous about your whole search to begin with.”
“Pfffft…” Rainbow waved her hoof. “Don’t worry. Whatever’s up there, I’m sure I can take it.”
“It’s not that.” Churning shook his head. “I’m afraid that you’ll succeed!”
“Huh…?”
“Whatever this Slithering thing is--if you get rid of it, then the buffalo will have no need for mirrors and reflective things.” Churning set his hooves straight and tilted his head up. “I’d be out of a job!”
“Wow. That’s kind of…”
“Cold?” Churning shrugged. “That’s the first thing they teach you in the merchant biz. That’s why I like letting my wool grow. It keeps me warm.”
“Well, how about this?” Rainbow Dash folded her forelimbs. “I totally suck at mountain climbing. If this works, and I get Baggy McShadesHoof to buy the apples, then I’ll direct Fancy Pants to pay you for the deliveries.”
Churning blinked. “What?”
“It’ll be simple. I bring the apples here, plus the bits, and you carry them all the way up to the mountain so that you can do the head ramming voodoo that you seem to do so well.”
“But I don’t get it.” Churning pointed. “How do you profit? Seems like you’re burying yourself without an urn here.”
“Dude, I’m totally not in this for profit.”
“Really?”
“With a capital ‘W.’”
“Then what are you even doing here, pony?”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “Look. All that matters to me is that the apples find a place in the market. And this seems to be the ticket.”
“Ohhhhh. So they’re your apples, then?”
“No.”
“Then whose are they?”
“Look, can it with all the questions already!” Rainbow Dash held a hoof out. “You want to carry the apples uphill or not? Either way, however this day ends, you’re gonna profit!”
“Hmmmm…” Churning rubbed his chin. “My father always did tell me to be weary of rushed hoof-shakes.” He licked his lips. “Still, he did drown in a rain gutter.” He smiled and slapped his hoof against Rainbow’s. “It’s a deal.”
“Good. First thing’s first.” Rainbow flew up a few feet. “I’m gonna need you to light the path.”
“Uhhhh…” Churning shifted where he stood. “I didn’t exactly bring a flashlight.”
Rainbow darted back down, holding a lit torch from the nearby wall. “Anypony tell you that you’re cute when you’re stupid?” She propped the torch sideways through his horns and lifted him up with a burst of her wings.
“Gaaaaaiieeee!” Churning dropped his bag of wares as the pegasus carried the two of them up, up, up into the darkness above.