The Human Side of Things

by Gylden Glor


Bonding: Pinkie

"And the two of you won't be coming out of there until you've made up! Do you understand me?" Twilight demands, her horn still glowing slightly with the magic she had cast. I sigh as I cast a sidelong glance at Pinkie.

"Yeah, we get it," I mutter.

"Pinkie?" Twilight asks, rather sternly. The pink pony grumbles in response, refusing to so much as look in my direction. Twilight and I sigh together before she closes the door to the small back room of the library - which seems kind of pointless, given the forcefield she just put up around us - and leaves us to our discussion. The last thing I see before the door closes is Rainbow Dash's threatening glare.

I scratch my head as I sit down next to Pinkie Pie. She lets loose a "hmph" as she moves away from me. I sigh. "Look, there's no point beating around the bush here - I've been trying to find a way to say this for a few weeks now, but I never knew how." I hesitate. Pinkie shows no sign of listening.
"What I want to say is...well...I mean, I'm sorry - I'm really sorry for how I treated you, but...I would understand if you don't forgive me." She seems to stir a bit at that. "And I...I could sit here, justifying what I said as being scared - because I was, Pinkie. I was incredibly scared - I'd never seen you acting like that, and I panicked. But that doesn't justify the way I acted towards you - nothing could. It was disrespectful and insulting, and I'm sorry. Beyond that...I really don't know what else to say. I could say 'sorry' a thousand times over, but I doubt it would make much difference - that's just a word. There aren't enough words to tell you how much I regret saying what I said."

Pinkie Pie sighs. "Peter...what you said hurt. A lot," she informs me. I nod in silent acknowledgement. "And, I mean...I wanna be your friend, really, really do, but...nopony has ever said anything as mean as that to me before, and especially not a friend. It...it hurt a lot."

"I know it did, and I'm willing to do anything to make up for it," I quickly announce. I reach for her, but think better of it. "Pinkie Pie, while you might hate me right now, I care about you - a lot. I never meant to hurt you - I swear. Please, let me make it up to you - let me make you happy." I take a deep breath. "I hate seeing you like this - I hate that you avoid me, because it reminds me of how much of a douchebag I was. And I hate that I can't even look you in the eye without feeling like a coward."

She turns to me with a frown. "Then go ahead," she responds. "Make it up to me - please, show me just how much you care, because I really want to see this." I hesitate to respond, as I don't know whether she's angry of glad.
"You've never acted like you've cared - ever. You're always mean to us, you always make fun of us, and you're never there for us - you're only out for yourself." My shoulders sag. "You don't care about anything - at all!" She turns back around, tears in her eyes as she struggles against her emotions.

"Is...Is that what you really think?" I ask, hoping that she's just angry.

"No," she growls. "It's what I know."

I nod to myself. "Then you don't know me at all," I inform her. "You don't know anything about me - whatsoever." This time, as I reach for her, I grasp her by the shoulder and move closer to her. "Pinkie Pie - I care about you, so much. I care about each and every one of you - you're all my best friends, and I care so much. The way I act - that's just how I act towards friends, you already know this about me." She fidgets a bit.
"Pinkie Pie, please - I'm not asking for you to forgive. I'm just asking for you to understand. I didn't say what I did because I don't care - I said what I did because I do care, and seeing you act like that...it scared the living shit out of me. Not only that, but I was pissed, remember?" I smirk at her back. "You stole my furniture! How was I supposed to react?"

She turns towards me, smiling a tiny bit. I feel a leap of success. "Yeah...I suppose..."

"So...we cool?" I ask, scooting over to sit next to her. I loosely wrap my arm around her. "I don't want this to hang between us - I really like having you as a friend, and I don't want to screw that up because of something stupid." I rub her shoulder a bit and give her a gentle smile. "Please?"

She nods with a similar smile. "Okay...but only because you make such a good case," she responds. She giggles lightly before jumping at me in a vicious hug. I'm too stunned to react as I'm brought to the floor with a thud.

"I - Pinkie Pie! What're you doing!?" I exclaim, laughing as she squeezes me with a big grin.

"Huggling you, of course, you silly-willy!" She shrieks in response. "I can't let my bestest friend make up with me without huggling him!"
I grin as I return the hug. A moment later, she hops up with a grin. "So, what d'you wanna do now that we're friends again, huh?"

"Again?" I ask with a smirk. "I never knew we weren't friends."

"Yeah, that's true!" She chirps. "We were both just being really big shitheads!"

The chipper attitude in which she says this catches me off guard. "Excuse me?"

"You know - shitheads! Like heads of shit! That's something you'd say, right? I always thought it sounded funny! Shitheads, shitheads, shitheadsshitheadsshitheads! Hey, what's that? That's a shithead!"

I'm about to try to get her to calm her tits when the door is bashed open by a ruefully grinning cyan Pegasus. I look at her in confusion.

"Hey -"

"SHITHEADS!" Pinkie exclaims as she flies past Rainbow in an ark. The cyan Pegasus withdraws in confusion, and watches as the pink pony continues to bounce and shout the compound expletive. She shakes her head before turning to me with a smirk once more.

"Whatup, loser?" She demands with a smirk. Her energy abruptly returns as she flies up to my face with a grin. "Guess who's going back to school!?"

"Oh," I remark, confused as to her excitement. "Congratulations, I'm glad that you -"

"YOU!" Rainbow Dash exclaims. My face drops. Her rainbow mane slaps me in the face as she convulses in boisterous laughter.

"Oh, man...you should see your face right now!"

"You're shitting me, right?"

Twilight squeezes past Rainbow with a small frown. "I told you to wait," she mutters to Rainbow.

"Yeah, but this was funner."

"That's not even a word..."

"Shut it and tell him," Rainbow mumbles as she withdraws, clearly embarrassed. I smirk, but immediately turn back to Twilight.

"What the hell was she talking about?" I demand.

"Well...thing is, none of your degrees or schools are on file here...so, if you end up having to get a new job away from Canterlot, and you wanted to keep being an engineer...you'd have to go back to school. So, I decided to sign you up for an aptitude test -"

"Without asking me?"

"-so the board of education can decide where you should start off," she ignores me. "It'll have social studies, history, science, and math on it. You're...okay with that, right?"

"Yeah, that's fine, unless you count the fact that I don't know any pony history or social studies," I respond. "And I'm not about to take a fucking test to go back to school - I already did my time in college, there's no way I'm doing that over again. It was hard enough the first time, now being a fuckin' uber-exchange student? No, thanks."

"But, Peter, there's...there's more." She bites her lower lip as she levitates a sealed letter towards me. "That was actually a suggestion from Luna, and...she told me not to tell you about it until the decision came. When it did, I guess she found out 'cus she sent me instructions on what to tell you, and...this letter. She says its for your eyes only..." I frown as I pluck the letter from mid-air.

"Why d'you look so...nervous?" I ask, suspicion coursing through me like my own blood.

"Because, um...I...I think she's...I think she's going to fire you..."

My face falls again. I look long and hard at the letter. "Well," I remark. "Shit."

"Yeah..." Twilight mutters. "What're you going to do?"

"I guess...I'll head home and read the letter first," I respond. "It may...warrant a visit, y'know?"

"I get it," she responds, softly. "I do...but, uh...don't take it too hard if you get fired, okay? That sort of stuff happens all the time - plus, they may want you to get a local job..." Her frown intensifies as she looks me over. "Oh, Peter - I'm so sorry, really, just..."

"There's nothing to be sorry about," I respond. "I'm gonna head home now. Seeya, Pink-" I look around in confusion. "Where'd she go?"

Twilight shrugs. We look for her for a few moments before I sigh and leave. Each of the ponies stop me to discuss the prospect of my firing. Rainbow Dash pulls me aside as I leave the library and, after making sure nopony is listening, gives me a quick hug.

"Look, Pete," she begins with a sigh. "All joking aside...if you need me, I'm here for ya', okay?" I smile as I hug her back.

"Thanks, Dash," I whisper. "I'll be sure to remember that."

"Yeah, you'd better," she responds with a smirk. "You may owe me one some day..."

I smirk as I pat her on the back and head off towards my house. I can feel all of them watching me - bar Pinkie Pie, who has mysteriously disappeared. It leaves me confused and disconcerted.


When I get home, the first thing I do is kick off my shoes and lay down on my bed to relax. I hesitate before breaking the royal seal on the letter.
I read it, and my eyes widen. I nearly drop the letter in shock.
I look straight ahead, unable to really comprehend what I just read.

"Holy fuck," I whisper to myself. Silence is all that greets me.

























"SHITHEADS!"