//------------------------------// // Barely Feeling It // Story: A Bowl of Berry Punch // by Lighthawk //------------------------------// Once I finally got myself sorted and left the train station, I was relived to find that Ponyville seemed to be living up to my expectations for a small, out of the way town. It was quiet, peaceful, and most ponies I passed on the street seemed friendly enough. Thankful not quite as friendly as Cloud Kicker or Pinkie Pie had been. Don’t misunderstand me, it’s not that I strictly had anything against either pony, but they’d both rather been more than I’d been ready to handle. I mean it’s nice getting thrown a party and then hit on by an attractive mare, but having both happen back to back, and with the kind of intensity both ponies possessed, well…well it was just more than I was used to I guess, and had left my emotions a bit worked up. My first stop was the town hall in order to pick up the key for my house. I’d arranged everything through a reliable mortgage broker, but I’ll admit I was still nervous. I mean there were just so many ways something like that could go wrong, either with the paper work getting screwed up in some fashion, or the house itself not being what was promised. If I’d had more time to handle things I’d never have bought property without checking it out first, but I’d been in something of a hurry at the time, and the mail only travels so fast. Good news was, nothing went wrong getting the paper work sorted. I either hit the town hall at a good time, or things really are just slow around Ponyville, because there wasn’t anypony else there besides a lone unicorn manning a desk. It only took a whole two hours to read through all the forms and sign everything. Boring, but that’s to be expected I guess. Smooth as it all went, I was still ready to pull my mane out by the end of it though. I mean seriously, who writes these documents, and why do they have to be so mind-numbingly wordy? Bad news was then, that if anything was going to wrong, it was going to be with the house itself. Okay, so maybe I was feeling a little cynical about the whole thing. But you know what, I think I was entitled to a little doom and gloom thinking, all things considered. If my life had been going so well, I wouldn’t have had to leave home so quickly after all, right? Of course I’m right. My first look at my new home however suggested I might have been worrying over nothing. Okay sure, it was nowhere near as big or nice as I was used to. Actually, it was rather on the smallish side, even with the second story. And it was thatched roofed instead of slate. And kind of plain and unadorned. And didn’t even have its own lawn, or even a yard to speak of. Might have been leaning a little too, but that could have just been a slight incline to the street screwing with me. But you know what, it was still all mine! And that meant it was perfect! And maybe if I kept telling myself that, I’d believe it. Okay probably not, but moving out on my own had been all my idea, and I wasn’t about to back out now just because the reality of it was starting to really sink in and oh sweet Celestia what in Tartarus did I think I was doing! Okay Berry, deep breaths, in and out, in and out… I fumbled with my key a bit, doing my best not to lose my tenuous grip on it or my rapidly eroding self-control as the panic attack started making a serious go at me. Yes it had been my idea, but I hadn’t done it just because I wanted to. Okay, key in door, turn key, get inside and then you can lose it where nopony can see… I stumbled inside, shoving the door closed by pretty much falling back against it in desperate need for some support. “This was such a stupid idea,” I muttered to myself as I tried to will my body to stop shaking. I wasn’t having much luck with that. “What in Equestria made me think I could go off and live on my own? What do I know about taking care of myself, I mean really? Oh Celestia, but what choice do I have? I can’t go back now, can’t go back to him…” I curled up in a ball as I sank down on the floor and tried not to sob. I couldn’t stop the tears from coming, but I refused to start all out bawling. I was a grown mare dammit, and I wasn’t going to let a little something like being completely over my head in every possible way turn me into a little filly crying for her mommy. Though I’d be a Nightmare curse liar if I tried to pretend I didn’t wish my mother had come with me. I kind of understood why she had stayed, but all the same it felt like she had picked him over me, and that just hurt so much. Some vague amount of time passed before I started feeling more annoyed at myself than I was scared of what I’d gotten myself into, and that budding anger at my own pathetic state was enough to start pulling myself back together. I had too much to do to wallow in my own…whatever it is ponies in my situation wallow in. First things first, I needed to check out my new home. Luckily I hadn’t been counting on that to cheer me up, because I think I might have become clinically depressed otherwise. I mean yes, the house was perfectly functional, and had plenty of living space for a single pony, but…well, it’s possible I was just a wee bit spoiled. Okay a fair bit spoiled. Fine! Completely and utterly spoiled, I couldn’t help it! The freaking ground’s keeper’s cottage back at my family’s estate was bigger than this stupid little hovel. Nicer too. The front door of my new home opened directly into a room whose actual function would probably be determined by whatever furniture I chose to put there. At the moment though it was just an empty box of a space with stairs on one side, a half door to a tiny storage space under said stairs, and a short hall leading to the rear of the house at the back wall. There was a small bathroom wedged into the hall, little more than a glorified closet with enough space for a sink and a toilet. At least the water worked when I tested it. In the back was the kitchen, recognizable as such only by the presence of a sink set in a counter and a pair of sliding doors opening onto a pantry. There wasn’t anything else of note besides the door leading out back; no ice box, no oven, no tables or chairs or cabinets. My personal banking account was starting to look a lot smaller than it had when I first put this crazy idea together. I probably could still access the family accounts if I tried, but that would just throw up a big Here I am! sign. No, that wouldn’t be worth the trouble, not for some furniture and amenities. All it meant was I was going to have to figure out a source of income a lot sooner than I had originally planned, or I’d have to learn to live without for a while. I’m not sure which idea scared me more. The upstairs was mostly given over to a single, loft roofed room that was the biggest open space in the house. There was a second bathroom up there, this one big enough to include a shower wedged into one corner. Nothing close to luxurious, just plain and functional. Just like the rest of the house. I was going to have to get used to that. House inspected, check. It was at least in serviceable condition, which was what about what I paid for. I think anyway, truth was, I didn’t really have that good of an idea of just what the value of a bit was. Money had never been something I worried about or paid much attention to before, not on this small a scale. At least I recognized that fact though, and knew how easily it could bleed my savings dry if I was stupid about it. Now that I had a place, I just needed some stuff to go in it. A bed would certainly be nice, as the hardwood floors didn’t look particularly comfortable. An ice box and an oven also seemed like requirements, not that I had much knowledge of how to use the latter, but I figured I could muddle my way through. How hard can cooking really be right? Set a temperature, put food in for a set amount of time, pretty simple right? Right? Okay, best not to dwell too much on that right now probably. I’d figure it out somehow, I wasn’t going to starve. So that seemed a good starting list; bed, ice box, oven…oh yeah, food, probably want some of that stuff too. I’d worry about furnishing the rest of the house after I got those basics taken care of. Not forgetting anything important, I don’t think so anyway. Ugh, somepony really ought to write a book about moving out. I left my suitcase in what was going to become my upstairs bedroom. It was not only the biggest space in the house, it was also kind of the only room that seemed like it could qualify for that particular use. I didn’t really fancy the idea of ponies being able to look in on where I slept every time I opened the front door, and that was the only other room without a predetermined use. So sleeping upstairs it was, by default. I checked myself in the bathroom mirror before I left, and found I wasn’t holding up too badly. My eyes were just a little red and puffy from crying, but I think it wasn’t really all that noticeable. Not unless you were looking for it, which I was, so of course I noticed, but nopony else really should. I didn’t think so anyway. I splashed some cold water on my face anyway, just in case. Not that it did anything really, but it made me feel a little better. Briefly. “Ah screw it,” I told myself. “Stop stalling Berry. I know this is hard, but get it together girl! You’re going shopping! Shopping is fun! Go have some fun dammit!” I took a couple of deep, forced breaths. “Okay, good pep talk self. Why thank you self, I thought so too. So we’re good right? Of course we are, except that we are now talking to our self. Well that’s no good is it? No, I think that’s a sign that we’ve gone a bit crazy. Oh dear, we should probably stop that then, wouldn’t you say? Yes I do think so, would you care to stop first? Oh no, by all means, you first. Thank you kindly ma’am. Think nothing of it ma’am.” I leaned forward and rested my head against the cool, smooth glass of the mirror and closed my eyes. Something escaped my lips that might have been a giggle, or might have been a sob. Or something in between the two. I really did not need this right now, I needed to focus, I needed to get my head on straight, I needed to get over my whole I can’t believe I’m really doing this sense of disbelief. Figuring that giving myself more time to think could only slow me down, I stormed out of the bathroom and out the front door, barely remembering to lock it on my way out. If I just stayed focused on the task at hoof and ignored everything else, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Alright, first task on my shopping list, a bed. I was going to buy something nice, something comfortable, because I was really going to be needing my sleep these coming days. It was that kind of thinking that probably lead to me splurging as much as I did. I mean yeah, I didn’t technically need a princess sized bed. And it really didn’t need to be a four poster. And the mattress didn’t have to have a Cloud Comfort spell worked into the stuffing. Or a Sound Proofing spell worked into the headboard. Or… Okay, bad Berry, I went way overboard on the bed. But it was such a nice bed! And I deserved at least one really nice thing didn’t I? Yeah, I did, I could rationalize away my overspending for the sake of a good night’s sleep. I promised myself it would just be a one-time thing anyway, I would be much more sensible and frugal from then on out. So there I was, with my brand new, top of the line bed, all nicely boxed up and ready to take home. Which was when I discovered the snag to not slowing down to think. I had a bed in a box that was bigger than me, I was all alone, and I didn’t have a cart or wagon or anything to help me move it. Whoops. I put a hoof against one side of the box and pushed. Nothing. I pushed harder, and still, nothing. I put my hoof down, set my shoulder against the stubborn crate, and heaved. I might as well have been trying to shove around my house. After a bit of straining, struggling, and swearing, I managed to accomplish absolutely nothing aside from making myself look like a total idiot. Oh yeah, this day was just going swell.