//------------------------------// // Chapter Three: "I'd me a draconequus." // Story: Stuff My Sister Says // by Daemon McRae //------------------------------// Chapter 3: "I'd me a draconequus." Breakfast is super freakin’ awkward. The entire time we’re trying our best not to look at each other, or talk about what happened. Or did not happen. I’m still not convinced it actually did happen. But it’s not like there’s anypony we can ask: “Hey, do you know if my sister and I had sex last night?” I can’t name a single pony with the ability, or desire, to answer that question. For a bunch of reasons. Mainly because I try not to hang out with absolute deviants. Runway is just sitting down at the far end of my kitchen table with a bowl of cereal when I hear a knock at the door. Then another one. Then, a bunch of knocking. Those were knocks I knew. Without a word to my twin, I hop down from my chair, and trudge over to the front door. Swinging it open, I see I’m right. “Hello Flitter. Hi Cloudchaser. What’s up?” I deadpan, trying to portray as obviously as I can my desire not to talk to these two. They blissfully ignore it. “Oh, nothing much,” Cloudchaser answers, inviting herself in and walking through my living room. Flitter at least has the courtesy for me to waive her in, although I do so more out of defeat than courtesy. She patters in and takes a seat on my couch as her twin busies herself with studying my decor. “We just heard that your sister was in town, and thought we’d drop by to say hello!” she explains, finally taking a seat next to my rather confused-looking sibling. Runway raises an eyebrow and asks, “Um, hi? Who are you?” Flitter answers for her. “We’re old friends of Lightning Dust’s. We actually live in Ponyville most of the time, but with the Equestrian Games coming up we wanted to head back home to show our hometown some support! That and Cloud Kicker has a huge party coming up and we totally didn’t want to miss it.” “How the hell did you know my sister was in town?” I ask taking my seat back and returning to my slightly-burnt toast. “Weather factory,” Cloudchaser says, as if that’s enough. When I keep staring at her, she elaborates, “We heard from one of your coworkers that your sister dropped in to look for you. And knowing that you just loooooove your sister-” I had to shudder at the implications, and the unfortunate mental images creeping around my head “-we just had to meet her ourselves!” “Riiiiight,” I drawl, not believing a word of it. “So out with it. What are you really doing here?” Flitter answers. It’s like talking to one pony with two heads. “We want you guys to come to the party. I mean, yeah, having a Wonderbolt trainee,” she digs at me, but I’m just tired enough to not care, although I do feel my hackles raise slightly, “there would be totally awesome, having a supermodel walking around would make it just so cool! Not to mention all the drinking we’re gonna do!” I see the corners of her mouth twitch when she says “drinking”, and hear a chuckle behind me. I look round to Chaser. “Alright, what is it?” Runway looks at me, for the first time this morning. “What?” “These two know something,” I explain, looking back and forth between the two. Cloudchaser gives me an innocent look. “Who, us? We don’t know anything! Why are you look at us so...” she snorts, trying to hold back a laugh, “queerly?” I feel my eyebrows twitch. “You two... what did you do?” Flitter chuckles from her position on the couch. “Oh come on, Dust. Don’t... pffft... get your panties in a knot,” she’s almost doubled over in a fit of the giggles. “Oh wait!” Cloudchaser barks, pointing a hoof at my twin, “She’s got ‘em!” she howls in laughter, falling out of her chair. I see Flitter doing the same, as the two roll around on the floor. I take to the air, furious now that I know what’s going on. “You absolute FUCKS! I KNEW it!” I zip after Cloud, but she’s already hiding on the other side of the table. We run around the thing a few times, as she keeps just out of reach or on the other side of the table. “What did you do?!” “What, what?!” Runway shouts, completely confused. Flitter pulls herself up over the back of the couch, where she’d dived to get away just a second ago. “I’m sorry! We saw you two at the bar last night, after you were already completely hammered! So we... we followed you home, and Cloud put your sister in your bed, and we put your panties on her face! Oh goddess, your expression was priceless!” Runway, now completely in the loop, yells, “What?! You little sluts! You were watching us this morning?!” Cloud sticks her tongue out at me as I miss catching her yet again. “Oh come on, you two sleep like logs when you’re drunk! We just waited outside your window after the sun rose and watched you two freak out, it was great!” she dives for the hallway as I dive for her, and I fall on the floor with an “oomf”. Runway flaps her wings angrily, and basically throws herself at Flitter, who hides behind the couch again. My dear sister faceplants into a cushion. Walk, yes. Fly, no. There’s a reason she usually wears clothes over her wings: no aerial coordination whatsoever. The four of us run circles around my house, making a mess and yelling our heads off. This takes up pretty much all of my Saturday morning. So, of course, I miss my cartoons. ------------------- After chasing the disaster twins out of my house, Runway and I get to cleaning up. “I can’t believe those two,” I grumble, taking a mop to my kitchen tile: both of our breakfasts had ended up on the floor, as well as a few other foodstuffs. “Remind me to do something unsavory to their wings later with a piece of hot metal.” “Do something unsavory to their wings later with a piece of hot metal,” Runway grunts from the living room, lifting the couch back to its original position. “Thanks,” I say with no lack of sarcasm. I can feel my eyes roll in their sockets out of instinct. “No problem. But hey, at least we didn’t do that thing we thought we did, right?” she offers, in a bit more cheerful tone. I sigh, knowing she’s actually trying to help. “Yes, there is that. It’s good to know I didn’t bang my sister.” “Although...” “NO. NO ‘although’. There is absolutely no combination of words in the Equish language that should EVER follow ‘although’!” I yell, ringing my mop out in the sink. “Oh, calm your calves, lady. I was gonna say, you were giving those two some rather interesting looks, huh? Something... going on there?” I hear a thunk as another piece of furniture is righted. “You mean aside from an all-consuming desire to glass the cloud they walk on? Not really. I mean, yeah, twins, that’s a thing, but no. Not those two. It’d be like hoping into the sack with Discord: absolutely crazy and with completely unpredictable results.” I put my mop away and move on to drying my floor before one of the two of us slips and breaks something. Again. “I don’t know. I’d me a draconequus,” Runway muses, putting some picture frames back on their stand. I have to stop for a moment. “What, really?” “Yeah, as long as he wasn’t a total ass about everything. I mean, I wouldn’t jump Discord, so I can see what your saying, but if there were more draconequus...eseses... around? Yeah, I’d try it. Once.” I think about it for a second. “What exactly would a female draconequus look like, anyway?” “Probably a lot sexier than she has any right to. And speaking of sexy, are there gonna be any hot guys at this party?” I groan. I’d forgotten about the party. Cloud Kicker would obviously want us there. If only to show off my sister and mess with me. Don’t get me wrong, Cloudy’s not a bad mare, but we have a... history. A rather playful one, sometimes. Oh, who am I kidding. I’d show up just on the off chance she does want to bang. “Knowing Cloudy? Tons. But they’d either all be dumb as bricks or taken. She just kind of invites ponies with connections, or popularity. Which for guys usually means athletes or rich dudes with hot wives.” “Perfect. After a morning like this one I could use a roll in the hay with ‘stupid’,” she says dreamily. I don’t even want to know what she’s thinking about. So apparently, we have this party to go to...