Chapter Six
Shafts of bright sunlight shone through dozens of stained glass windows and created an array of colourful patterns on the ground. These patterns appeared to shimmer and dance as though they were a mirage given life by the muggy warmth of the room. Twilight felt rather faint, not only due to the heat but also the heady mix of terror and excitement which hovered around her, invisible but inescapable.
She listened carefully, trying to hear past the thrum of blood rushing through her ears. Celestia was speaking. It was only moments away now. Weeks of waiting; of preparation; of worry, nerves and latterly, anticipation were going to reach their culmination in just a few brief moments.
Twilight started breathing very heavily, trying to keep herself conscious for at least another five minutes. Everything looked so very blurry. Unusually so. It was as though the whole world were out of focus. Then she realised that this was because she wasn't focussing her eyes. She blinked a few times trying to bring the world back into sharp relief, to no avail. Nothing could help. She considered closing her eyes but that seemed likely to make the fainting problem worse, so she decided instead to stare front and centre.
Celestia had been speaking for quite a while now. Or perhaps it had only been moments. Like everything else, that fact wasn't entirely clear. Everything seemed so far away; so distant. She wasn't sure whether her cue was coming up or not. She hadn't been paying attention. Or rather she hadn't been able to pay attention. She looked at the mare to her left and attempted to catch her eyes. Somepony had to know where they were and what they were doing. When the mare finally noticed Twilight looking at her, she merely cocked her head and turned back to face the doors.
So much for that then.
Twilight focused every ounce of concentration she could muster on the murmur coming from the hall. Celestia's voice was so much quieter today than it had been during any of the rehearsals. Why didn't she speak louder?
Suddenly, without warning, the doors sprung open. Twilight panicked, forcing her wings from her side and hurriedly trotted to get back in front of her party.
At last, the hall came into view, though it too seemed out of focus. Twilight blinked another few times. A hundred or so ponies stood, in haphazard rows creating between them a central aisle down which she began to walk. The chorus being sung by her entourage masked the sounds of a few surreptitious coughs and the low murmur of conversation as the gathered ponies clamoured to compliment the new princess' appearance. Twilight looked at them craning their necks and standing on their hind legs in an attempt to get a glimpse of her royal procession. She didn't recognise a single one. Though all of their faces were – like everything else – completely out of focus.
She turned to face the front again, her heart still being through her chest. This walk was taking an eternity. She couldn't remember it having taken so long before. She stared at the dais upon which the three princesses stood along with Spike and her five Ponyville friends. It seemed so far away. She pleaded with it in her mind, beseeching it to come closer quicker.
Sweat began pouring down her brow from the exertion of keeping herself conscious. She looked at each of her friends in turn as she approached. They all gave her little nods of encouragement or smiles or winks. All except Fluttershy, whose gaze was somewhat indifferent, though pleasantly so. It was serene, in a pretty kind of way. Twilight was transfixed. So much so that she almost tripped as she stepped up onto the dais.
She blushed a little as she stood before Celestia. Her former mentor gave her the subtlest of nods before her horn was surrounded by a magic aura which she cast upon the crown Spike held out on a pillow. The crown floated high in the air, shimmering as Celetia presented it to the crowd. Then, in a moment that stretched out beyond the usual boundaries of time, she planted it on Twilight's brow. The hall erupted in applause causing Twilight to grin sheepishly. She turned to face the crowd, taking in their jubilation.
Confetti and streamers rained down from the ceiling. Ponies stomped their hooves in approval. She saw her mother and father beaming at her. Her brother appeared to have a tear in his eye. She waved to the crowd, suddenly on auto-pilot. All she could think was, it's over, it's finally over. She looked over her shoulder at Cadence, who gave her a discrete wave and lastly her glance fell upon Luna who looked surprised.
Surprised?!
Surely not. They had all been preparing for this for weeks. She shook herself mentally and looked away. It must have been a trick of the light. She looked back and, sure enough, Luna was applauding too. She looked quite as jovial as the rest of the audience, if not more so. Twilight smiled at the princess, who smiled back.
When she returned her gaze to the hall, the assembled ponies had begun to file out the doors. Some remained, however, watching on as the new princess allowed herself to relax. Everything seemed to fly past so quickly at that point, in stark contrast to how it had almost ground to a halt before and during the ceremony. Within what felt like seconds of the ceremony ending, she was being ushered out onto a balcony. This balcony overlooked the castle grounds and beyond, over all of Canterlot and thence, Equestria. Further confetti and streamers fell from above, being dropped in vast quantities by a team of pegasus guards.
Twilight approached the edge, flanked by Celestia and Luna. When she looked past the balustrades, the sight she saw humbled her: a crowd, thousands strong at least, packed every last foot of available space as far as the eye could see. Each one of them gave out a huge cheer as she stepped forward. The sound of it was deafening, even from a distance. Twilight looked away from them all, her face burning. She turned back, raising her hoof and gently waving at them.
After a few moments, she turned to head back indoors, but a hoof on her shoulder stopped her and a warm voice filled her ear. “Say something, princess.”
“Oh right, the speech.” Twilight cleared her throat and raised her hoof, calling for silence. A hush fell. It was by no means complete, but it was quiet enough that she felt she could make herself heard over it.
“I…” she began, but regardless of how often had thought about this moment and thoroughly she had prepared for it, her mind was blank. Her speech didn't even begin with the word 'I'. She cleared her throat once more in an attempt to cover for her false start and began again.
“It's been some time since… I mean, some time ago I went to… That is to say Princess Celestia sent me to… To Ponyville so that I could… I could… Learn about! Learn about the… The…”
She faltered to a stop. Why can't I remember this? She watched as the crowd began to mutter and shuffle around as they nudged one another. There were a few nervous laughs. Cue cards! If only I'd made cue cards! She could feel her chest tightening. Even if she did remember her speech, her mouth was now so dry that it surely wouldn’t help.
She looked back into the hall which now took on the appearance of sanctuary, rather than the dragon's den it had felt like earlier. In the doorway, peering out at her were six familiar faces, yet the looks on their faces were a true indication of the gravity of the situation. Spike bit his lip, Rarity wouldn't meet her eyes, Rainbow looked crestfallen. Applejack's mouth hung agape, her eyes were round as plates. Pinkie didn't move a muscle, just stared blankly at her. Fluttershy looked close to tears. She bit her hooves frantically.
Twilight caught her eyes, imploring her to come out and help her but the pegasus just shook her head almost as frantically as she had been biting her hooves. Twilight bristled. You promised! she thought vehemently at the her friend, her eyes filled with fire. Fluttershy looked down at the ground, cowed and stepped away from the doorway.
You promised. Twilight's shoulders dropped and tears began to well up in her eyes. All of the faces had now disappeared from the doorway and, even with Celestia and Luna by her side, she felt alone. She turned despondently back to the crowd, her tail hanging limply between her hind legs and her ears pressed flat against her head. When she raised her eyes, what she saw was horrible. Frightening.
Where the jubilant crowd had been seconds ago, there was now an angry mob baying for her blood. Their dissenting voices told Twilight just what they thought of their useless new princess. Their faces were split between anger and stunned disbelief. Twilight panicked. She had never, even in her darkest moments, imagined that this might happen. In her panic, she decided to make a quick exit. She would fly away and hide somewhere and never show her face in Equestria again.
She spread her wings and looked skyward. She prepared to take off, but the moment she bent her knees to jump, the heavens – which the pegasi of Cloudsdale had ensured would be beautifully sunny for the occasion – began to close over. The sun was obscured completely and the clouds were a horrible, fiery shade of orange. What kind of magic was this? Twilight shook her head, unwilling to believe what was happening. A freezing gale blew across the balcony, making her shiver involuntarily.
That was it. There was no escape. She was trapped. She sank to her knees. A number of long sobs escaped her throat. She covered her face with her wings letting her tears be absorbed by their feathers. The sound of the angry ponies left her feeling hollow. The hotel of the wind became louder and louder. This was worse than anything she had ever feared. Why hasn't Fluttershy helped her? Why hadn't Celestia stepped in to calm the crowd down? Where had her friends gone?
She couldn't understand what had gone wrong, why her mind had gone blank, why nopony had come to her assistance. She lay curled up in a ball on the balcony, shaking and shuddering, overwhelmed by the most excruciating and paralysing fear she had ever experienced. She felt like her entire world was about to collapse.
Just as she began to wish for that; to wish for the world to take her; to wish for her own demise, a loud, booming voice rose up above the cries of the wind and the derisive shouts of the crowd.
“ENOUGH!”
It was a voice Twilight hadn't heard in a long time, but at that moment she was more grateful to hear that voice than any other. It echoed into the distance, the single word repeating again and again until it faded to nothing. There was complete silence. Even the wind had taken heed. As far as Twilight could tell without her eyes to assist her, nothing moved, nothing spoke and nothing breathed apart from her.
At last, she looked up, still afraid of what she might see. When she opened her eyes, she was stunned. She observed the world, confusion taking over from fear. She crawled to the edge of the balcony and looked over the edge. There was no crowd of ponies, no breath of wind. The sky was now black, though there were no stars. Just a huge, full moon. The biggest she had ever seen. She rolled onto her back. She was alone on the balcony, or she would have been except for one other pony.
“Princess Luna! What did you do? Where did everypony go? What's going on?” Twilight sputtered.
Luna looked at her kindly, offering her a hoof to help her to her feet. Twilight took it gratefully.
“Perhaps it is I who should be the asking you those questions.” Luna said cryptically, looking around at their surroundings. “This is your dream, after all.”
“My dream? No, that can't be…” Twilight mused, her brow furrowed. “It was exactly like the rehearsals. Everything was just as I expected it to be.”
Luna kicked one of the balustrades lightly and walked over to smell some flowers which hung from a trellis by the door. She closed her eyes and smiled. When she opened them again, she looked Twilight in the eyes.
“It is remarkably detailed, I’ll admit, but imagined nonetheless. How often are things exactly as you expect them to be? Or as concise? Consider this: do you remember waking up? Dressing? What you ate for breakfast? Do you remember how you came to be at the ceremony? Who you spoke to? What they said?”
Twilight stared blankly at the princess. She did as she was bidden, thinking back over the events of the day and sure enough, she couldn't remember anything before the ceremony itself. It was beginning to sound plausible. Except… “Then what are you doing here? Or are you here? Are you just part of my imagination? Am I still dreaming this?”
Luna looked thoughtfully up at the moon.
“I am here. You can see me, can you not? As for what I'm doing here, it is my duty as Princess of the Night to go where I am needed. That often requires me to enter other pony's dreams. So, here I am. I cannot say that I'm sure whether or not this is a dream. I suppose that depends on how you define a ‘dream’. You are still asleep. Yet you will remember our conversation, as will I.”
Twilight looked up at the moon too, trying to make sense of what Luna was saying. To her, this felt very real. But then so had everything which preceded it.
“I'm still not sure I understand,” she spoke softly. “How did you know to come to me? How did you know where to find me? How did you even get here in the first place?”
At the same moment, they turned towards one another. Luna cocked her head and gave Twilight a condescending smile of the type Celestia would often give her. It meant she was asking too many questions. Or rather that she was asking questions which were too deep. It was a reaction she knew all too well and she knew that she wasn't going to get an answer. At least, not the one she wanted.
“That is not what is important right now. What is important is what we have witnessed here this evening. Tell me, what troubles you?” Luna asked, kindly.
“Is it not obvious?” Twilight asked, her frustration at the lack of an answer adding an unintentional barb to her tone.
Luna's features hardened, though her demeanour was no less friendly. Her eyes searched Twilight’s as though an answer might spring forth from therein.
“The apparitions of our minds are not always what they seem, Twilight Sparkle. Forgive me for asking. I am only trying to help.” Her voice was gentle and warm, far removed from the echoing bellow which had dispelled the nightmare. There was something calming about it too.
“I know, I’m sorry. It’s just…”
Twilight held the princess’ gaze, uncertain about what she should say or, in fact, if she should say anything at all. Not that she didn’t want any help. Quite the opposite. Yet her thoughts were hazy. She had felt out of sorts for such a long time that pinpointing any one particular thing as the cause was incredibly difficult. Yet something was definitely wrong. Something big.
Luna continued to stare into her eyes as she chased errant thoughts around her mind. There were a few obvious things which leapt out at her immediately. Her concerns about the coronation for example, or what she might have to do in the aftermath. Yet she felt as though she had gotten past the worst of these fears. She felt ready for the challenges ahead, if she could ever describe herself as being ready for something so monumentally life-changing. Somehow, this didn’t feel like it was problem any more.
Twilight continued to lunge around in the fog of her mind, searching everywhere for the answer, but it would not present itself. She thought about her friends and how her relationships with them might change. Yet that wasn’t right either. They had all shown Twilight their unwavering support through every aspect of this, whether it were Rainbow’s flying lessons, Rarity’s pep talk or Applejack’s reassuring stories. Nothing had changed between them. Not one bit.
Luna blinked for the first time in what seemed like an age, causing Twilight to focus on her eyes. She had never really looked at Luna’s eyes. Now that she did though, there was something familiar about them: the shape of their irises, their colour, the quiet kindness which, at that moment, seemed to spill from their depths.
They were just like Fluttershy’s.
In an instant, she knew what the problem was. Or perhaps not what it was but rather, from whence it stemmed. In her mind’s eye, she relived the encounter with Fluttershy, from the moment the pegasus had started acting strangely right up until her tearful departure.
“Yes?” Luna prompted her.
“Fluttershy kissed me,” she blurted out.
Almost immediately, she wished she could suck the words back into her mouth. Her cheeks burned and she looked resolutely at the ground. She surreptitiously stole a glance toward Luna then averted her eyes once more. The princess stared blankly into the distance, apparently lost in thought. That probably hadn’t been what she was expecting, Twilight supposed.
“I see,” Luna mused. “And you are upset by this?”
“Yes! Well, no. Not really. I mean I can’t believe she would, you know, at such an important time and everything... I’m really not… I’m not upset at her or anything… because it was… I mean I’m sure she had her reasons… I don’t, um…”
Twilight’s thoughts all ran into one another, clashing and fighting until her mind became a pitched battle between them. Her articulation of it was no better. She started breathing heavily. She couldn’t talk about this. She had to get away. Silently, she urged her real life self to wake up so that the conversation would be over.
No such luck.
“Do you wish that she would do it again?” Luna asked. Twilight’s head shot up, startled by the abruptness and straightforwardness of her question.
“Of course not!” she protested. “Why would you even ask such a thing?”
Yet even the conviction with which she spoke these words didn’t convince her mind to stop arguing. Surely, she told herself, her reaction had been enough to confirm that she hadn’t wanted it, nor would she like it to happen again. Even if Luna didn’t know what her reaction had been, it was enough to assure herself that her words were true.
But it wasn’t all that bad, her mind shouted her down, you were just caught by surprise. Do you not wonder how it might have been if you weren’t so busy thinking about other things?
Luna looked at her questioningly, a small smile pulling at her lips.
“No!” Twilight screamed, half at the princess and half at her own mind. She didn’t need this. She didn’t want to have this conversation. She didn’t even want to think about it any more. She searched the balcony frantically for a way out, her eyes flitting here and there until at last she had her solution.
Gathering all her resolve, she charged straight at Luna, who stood directly in front of the balustrades. The princess’ eyes opened wide in surprise. Twilight only increased her pace. At the last possible second, Luna stepped aside, and Twilight launched herself from the balcony. She fought the urge to spread her wings forcing them steadfastly against her haunches and she began to fall.
Please let this work, she prayed as the ground came speeding towards her. Her heart beat thundered in her ears as she fell, faster and faster. She screwed her eyes shut, bracing herself for the impact. Just as she thought she must hit the ground however, the world went black.
The next thing she knew, she found herself jumping off of the mattress of her bed at Canterlot Castle, breathing heavily and holding her hoof across her chest as her heart fought to escape. She looked around the room, terrified, half expecting to see Princess Luna standing in a corner, waiting to tell her how stupid she had been. She scrambled out of bed, checking every closet and every last hiding place she could think of until she was satisfied that she was, in fact, awake.
Yet even her arrival at this conclusion didn’t serve to calm her down. Her mind now had other things to dwell of. Just as Luna had promised, she could very distinctly remember the conversation they had been having. It was all that she could think of. She used her magic to turn on the lights. She would read. That would take her mind off of things. She sprang back onto her bed, reaching out with her magic for the first book it could find. When she felt she had a hold of one, she flicked through its pages, stopping randomly somewhere in the middle and brought it in front of her.
“Ah!” she screamed, as she read the first hoof-written sentence.
Typically, she had picked up the book closest to her and of course that had had to be a little blue bound notebook from the very pony she was trying not to think about. She threw it away and curled herself into a ball on top of her duvet, shivering lightly and muttering incoherent words to herself that even she couldn’t understand.
“Ouch!” came a yelp from the other side of the room. “Hey, what's the big idea? Throwing books around when some of us are trying to… Twilight? Are you okay?”
Twilight felt Spike climbing on to the bed and then a claw resting on her shoulder. She didn’t move, just continued to lie in her safe little cocoon, shivering and muttering.
“What’s wrong, Twilight? Why did you throw Fluttershy’s book at me? Why are you curled up like that? Why are you shaking? Are you sick?” Spike asked feverishly, the worry in his voice becoming more and more pronounced with each question.
Twilight shrugged the dragon’s claw off of her shoulder and sat up sharply. Something had snapped within her. Something she didn’t even know had been there to begin with. She stood up on the bed and felt her wings spread, unbidden.
“I’m fine! Why does everypony feel like they have to pry? They’re my problems! I’ll deal with them myself! I don’t need any help! Just leave me alone!” she yelled, springing from the bed and pacing as she spoke.
“What? What are you talking about? You just looked unwell,” Spike said, scratching his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. I can leave you alone if you want.”
Twilight deflated. “No, Spike, that won’t be necessary. I’ll go.”
With that, she turned and fled the room, bursting through the doors to the balcony. She galloped right to the very edge before stopping to look up at the moon and the stars. She needed to be alone, she needed time to think and she wouldn’t get that in this place. She stepped back from the edge, concentrating as hard as she could. After a brief pause, she galloped full tilt towards the drop and threw herself into the air, spreading her wings wide. The air caught under the tips of their feathers and she soared into the night sky.