//------------------------------// // Dances with the Dashies // Story: Appledashery // by Just Essay //------------------------------// “Hey, uhm, big fella?” Churning Bag pivoted on the rock he was standing on and waved a cloven hoof. “I’m a huge fan of your super snazzy headbutt greetings n’all, but you totally just killed my friend.” ”Was flying color wheel’s own fault for not being buffalo enough to face buffalo!” The bison in question snorted and slammed his hooves down into a deep impression of the plateau. ”Buffalo!” “At least…” Churning stroked his goatee while staring into the mountainous horizon in thought. “...I think he was my friend.” “Gughh!” Rainbow Dash flew back, sliding to a bruised stop along the edge of the cliff. Stars spun around her blue face as she laid her wings to either side like crooked zig-zags. “Unnnnnngh.. that smarts.” “Hey! You’re not dead!” Churning grinned at her. “Hey, before something spiffy like that happens again, could you tell me if you’re a guy or a gal?” Rainbow Dash panted and panted--then squinted up at him. “The flying feather is that supposed to mean?!” A quartet of hooves slammed into the ground right in front of her. “Gaaah!” Rainbow curled up into a frightened little ball. “Grrrrr! Buffalo saw color wheel fly into great burning sky, buffalo!” The buffalo buffalo’d, snorting. ”This enrages buffalo with confusion, buffalo! Explain! Buffalo!!!” “Look, bright eyes…” Rainbow Dash shook, wobbled, and finally pushed herself into an upright position. “All I want is to see if you rock squatters would be willing to buy a bunch of scrumptious apple pie for passage through to the hollow of the mountain that has the cloudstone--” ”Aaaaaaaah!” The buffalo shrieked like an infant, his tiny eyes quivering in the center of his bulky skull. “”Aaaaaaaahh! Color wheel wishes to enter Cloudstone caves, buffalo?! Does she wish to die, buffalo?!” “So… uhm… are you or aren’t you a mare?” Churning asked. “Whoah!” Rainbow had just shoved him aside to stomp towards the bison. “Hold up. What’s wrong with the places where the Cloudstone is?” She raised an eyebrow. “My employer--erm…” She shuddered. “My business partner, Fancy Pants, has a substantial interest in what’s lying inside the heart of your mountain. So, like, if you’re not using any of the crud…” She shrugged with a forced smirk. “What’s the problem with giving some of it up? I’ve got stuff here to make it worth your whiiiiiiile!” Rainbow Dash zipped over to the chariot and picked up the first of several apple pies. “Fresh, juicy apple filling! Can you say ’apples’?” ”Buffalo!” “No, it… nnkkt…” Rainbow Dash frowned and pointed at the dessert again. “Apple! A-P-P-L-E!” ”Buffalo!” ”Buffalo!” ”Buffalo!” Rainbow gritted her teeth. “Okay, look, can I please talk to somebison who wasn’t dropped on his horns at birth?” “You gotta just roll with it if you wanna level with ‘em,” Churning said. “You’re a smart dude. You can handle it.” “Yeah, sure--And will you quit it?!”” Rainbow snarled at him, just a twitching inch away from dousing the mountain ram with a face-full-of pie. “Notice the curve of the muzzle. I’m as feminine as a bed of flowers, you… you… doorbell!” “My bad!” Churning smirked. “Just, from the way your voice was cracking every other sentence, I figured you were a stallion reaching stampede age!” “What do you mean my voice cracks every other sentence?!” Rainbow blinked. She held a hoof around her throat. “Darn it…” she whimpered. ”If color wheel wants to enter cloudstone cave then surely she wishes to die, buffalo!” “Oh come on!” Rainbow Dash pivoted and frowned at the mountain residents. “It can’t be that bad! Besides…” She winced and rubbed her aching skull. “I passed your haybrained skull collision test thingy! Can’t you cut me some slack?” ”Hrmmmmmmmm…” The three bison stared at each other, shaking/nodding their heads and murmuring in a tight circle. ”Buffalo.” “Buffalo?” “Buffalo buffalo!” “Buffalo?” “Buffalo…” They turned to face Rainbow again, frowning. ”Color wheel has a point, buffalo!” “Well, great!” Rainbow trotted forward, dragging the chariot with her. “Then let’s get this pie party started--” ”BUFFALO!” One yelled, sticking a hoof in Rainbow’s face and stopping her. ”Buffalo will not entertain to buffalo any of the color wheel’s wares of weakness, buffalo! Not until she has spoken to most buffalo’d of buffalo, Buffalo that Bags Well, buffalo!” “Huh?!” Rainbow Dash blinked. “What, you mean--like--your leader or something?” “Yup…” Churning sighed. “Believe it or not, he’s called that.” “Well, fine then!” Rainbow Dash stood tall and proud. “I’ll make sure that this Buffalo that Bags Well gets a hearty taste of these pies so that he’ll know that Fancy Pants is ready to play ball for Cloudstone, no matter how dangerous it is.” The bison all stared at her with blank, drooling expressions. Rainbow sighed, rolled her eyes, and grunted out the side of her mouth. “...buffalo.” ”BUFFFFFFALO!” With stomping hooves, the bison rushed over to the leather flap and held it open, gesturing for the two outsiders to enter the interior of the mountain. “Heh… Well that wasn’t so bad,” Rainbow said with a shudder. “If you say so.” Churning gestured. “Ladies first.” The pegasus glared at him as she passed on by. “This buffalo chief had better have an ounce more brain matter than the rest of these schmucks or I’ve a good mind to suck the Cloudstone out with a straw.” “Oh, I think this place’s leader will be the least of your issues.” “Huh?” Rainbow glanced back at the ram. “What do you mean by that?” “You might wanna hold your breath right about now.” “My breath--?” Rainbow was only ten meters inside when she got a good whiff of the place. “Oh goddess! Bleachkkkkkk!”