//------------------------------//
// Act I 
// Story: Ponies Discover /CO/ 
// by SlyWit 
//------------------------------//

“So, what’s this thing you wanted to show us, Pinkie?” Twilight trotted into the bakery, a look of wary skepticism on her face.  She’d long since learned that Pinkie was quick to make excuses to bring everyone together. That pony just always needed someone to talk to, even if her definition of “talking” involved mostly everyone else listening.
“Yeah, what’s so important to get us all here?” Rainbow Dash hovered a few feet off the ground before settling her hooves on the hardwood floor. “I was busy.”
“Nappin’ ain’t busy, Dash.” The Texan accent didn’t hide the playfulness of her jab. “But I am curious.  What’cha got for us this time, sugarcube?”
“Well, it all started when I went to see Celestia after that summons thingy that she sent a—“
Rarity’s eyes became saucers and sparkled with some inner magic. “You went to see Celestia?”
“Oh yeah, silly, I was there to deliver some baked good, like cake, and muffins, and icing, and Mr. and Mrs. Baker gave me TWICE as much because they knew I’d eat half of it on the way and I did but I delivered the other half just fine except maybe a hoofprint or two in the icing where I tasted it, you know, just to see if it was still good after that LOOONG trip, and it was. But after I delivered it, I got hungry again and I was like ‘Where is there better candy than Canterlot’ and then I was like ‘NO where’ so I started to go to all the shops and someone—“
“Pinkie, can ya cut to the chase?” Applejack sat down on her haunches and adjusted her hat, already suspecting that this might be one of the longer visits.  “I’m not done with the plantin’ this season.”
“I was JUST getting to that before you interrupted me.” Pinkie’s annoyance vanished as fast as that sentence left her mouth, a swiftness that approached the speed of light. “So, Celestia must have heard I was there or something and was like,” Pinkie stood on her hind legs, flourishing gestures with her hooves as Celestia might have, but only if she had about ten or fifteen cups of coffee.  “ ‘Pinkie Pie, I have heard from my student’s letters that you are very qualified to arrange parties, and I’d like to make an official request for you to help organize my other planners for tonight.’ And I was like ‘Well, I got my delivering done today and so I have time and I love parties and I’ve always wanted to plan a party in Canterlot so sure thing, miss!’ Then I thought ‘Is a princess a miss or a misses?’—“
“Wait, darling!” Rarity’s eyes dazzled over with stars. “What was the princess wearing? You simply must tell me you suggested one of my outfits. If word got around that a mysterious pony was designing outfits for the princess herself . . . ” She breathed a longing sigh, some romantic fantasy taking her far away from reality.
“Hold on,” Dash, several feet in the air again, lounged on nothing by the flaps of her wings. Through her expression, she made sure everyone saw her boredom. “Where is this story going? I’m way behind on my nap.”
“It was a pajama party, Rarity, so I don’t think so—“
Twilight narrowed her gaze. “You made Princess Celestia attend a . . . pajama party.”
“Of course, silly, how else could we play truth or dare?”
As everyone fell quiet, trying to compute the logic, Fluttershy took the rare chance to speak “Umm, I . . . guess that explains why the sunrise started . . . five different times this morning. The roosters were so embarrassed.”
Pinkie broke out into a giggling fit, snorting every couple of laughs. “Yeah, that was me. But she also gave me something I wanted to show you. You know, Dash, how sometimes I get the feeling that people are watching us and it’s always when things are just a little bit exciting or crazy and you always tell me I’m so random and I’m like ‘But Dash! I KNOOOWW someone is watching me, this isn’t like that time with the oatmeal—‘ ”
“Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash shouted in impatience.
“Oh right. Well, I asked Celestia about it in one of the Truths and she said ‘Here, child, with this you will see who watches you’ and she gave me this book thing that opens but you can’t turn its pages you have to hit these buttons and it was on this scroll called /CO/.”
“Slash See Oh Slash?” The ponies replied in more or less unison, but with ample confusion.
“Yeah, this thing shows me /CO/.”



“Let me see if I follow, Pinkie.” Twilight said with her casual reserve, but a subtle edge of interest could not be mistaken. “You went to see Celestia." 
“Ya huh!” Pinkie sprung, all four feet into the air, each time she answered.
“And you asked her if people watch us.”
“Ya huh!”
“And she said yes.”
“Yes!”
“And this book she gave you shows these people.”
“EXACTLY!” The springing turned into hyperactive bouncing. “Not them exactly but what they say about stuff they see us do and some pictures of us and some fake pictures that they drew being all artsy drawry.”
Rainbow Dash stared down her nose at the strange, sideways book-thing, mouth open in curious contemplation. She swooped down to the book and settled close to the table which it knelt in Pinkie’s home. “/CO/ Comics and Cartoons.” She read out loud. “I do like comics.”  With her pony hooves, she began to bump the glass over the scroll. “Umm, Pinkie?” Failing to move it like a scroll, she tried to find the seam to turn the page. “What kind of dumb comic is this that only has one page?”
“But it’s a real loooooong page, see!” In a blink, you would have missed it. Pinkie just stepped over to Rainbow Dash as if distance did not exist. “Use the buttons, silly.” She casually nudged Rainbow Dash to the side and her hooves began to work over a series of small buttons, singling out the down facing arrow. “This moves the scroll up or down.”
Applejack approached the duo, watching Pinkie’s dexterous hooves fly over the keyboard. She lifted her forelimb and tried to press the “U” button and managed to press everything from “V” to “0”. “How are ya pushin’ those tiny buttons with your big clod hoppers?”
Pinkie blinked at AJ, turning the idea over in her mind. A rare moment of silence from her.
“Darlings!” Rarity now found her place next to the book, squeezing between Rainbow Dash and Pinkie. “Aren’t we all forgetting what’s important in this conversation? People are TALKING about us.” She gracefully straightened one back leg and one forelimb, striking an elegant pose. “Their eyes are on us. Clearly, they chose to admire the most beautiful, interesting pony of Equestria!” There was the slimmest pause as she brought down her hooves. “And her friends, of course.” She added a nervous laugh when she saw Rainbow Dash’s unamused stare, and quickly turned to Pinkie. “You must tell me dear, what are they saying?”
“Oh lots of things, they talk all the time and they say all sorts of stuff, some of it I don’t understand but a lot I do.” Pinkie scrolled down the page until several images of Rarity appeared. “They like you a lot Rarity, and your pictures are pretty.”
Her eyes dazzled as she read a few comments. “Their favorite pony!”
“Yeah, but I think they are bad speller-writer-ponies, sometimes one tells the other that they spelled ‘Pinkie Pie’ with all the wrong letters.” If Pinkie could understand or perceive the sour look on Rarity’s face, it would have been impossible to know past those innocent eyes.
“I’m sure they do.” Rarity turned her attention back to the screen. “At least some love m---What is THAT?” Rarity’s contemptuous hoof pointed at the screen. “What invasive ruffian took a picture of me sopping wet.” She paused to read the comment. “I look BETTER in straight hair?! The fashion stooge does not understand how this hair compliments the lines of my face and makes me pop when amongst a crowd. Next picture, dear, and hurry. I cannot stand to look at that a moment longer.”
Pinkie pressed the button marked “pg dn”, moving past the offender’s comment.
“What is this?” Rarity’s eyes narrowed on the next that stood in her view.
“This is one of the arty-drawry things I mentioned.” She paused to think. “Draw fag, I think they call it.”
“It’s--it’s . . .” Rarity took a moment, drinking in the details of the lines and colors. “All wrong! The pose fails to capture the essence of my personality, and the curls are too many, it looks garish. My hooves are shinier in real life and my colors are accented better in a black background. Quickly, Pinkie, show me more.  Has anyone fixed these glaring issues?”
Pinkie rapidly tapped the arrow keys, moving the page yet further down, passing many more pictures. 
“Hey,” Applejack smiled. “there’s one of m—“ The lines cast by her eyebrows drew in as she saw it disappear. “Pinkie, slow down, I do want to see what their sayin’ about more than just one pony.” She cast a glare at Rarity who let out a frustrated breath and turned her nose up and away from the country girl.
“Sure!” In a blink, Pinkie scrolled back up and Applejack grinned again at the sight. “Why, heh, heh. My eyes sure look funny in that one. What am I sayin’, ‘so much pony?’”
The Rainbow Dash and Twilight began to crowd around for a closer look. Dash was the first to start giggling, and after a moment, the entire troop had a good laugh, including Applejack. “Heh, heh. Alright, anymore of me?”
Pinkie continued scrolling.
“There’s one! I . . .” She narrowed her eyes again. “I look kind of funny again.”
Dash skipped giggling and broke into an outright laughs to see AJ’s face contoured into an expression that was perhaps exaggerated disgust. Twilight and Rarity joined in less this round, and AJ did not laugh at all. “Any without me makin’ a face?”
A dozen pictures passed. In one, AJ waved her arms about while mouthing “oo-ooo-ooo,” another was of her contorted in anger. The final straw was a shot of AJ repeatedly falling to the ground in a variety of faceplants.  Twilight blushed for her friend, and Rarity averted her eyes from the screen. Pinkie Pie merely scrolled when asked, while Dash was banging her hoof on the ground, rolling in laughter. “Ha, ha, ha!”
“I don’t get it.” Applejack began to back away from the screen, her head held low to the ground. “The pictures are silly lookin’ for sure, but do those ponies say anythang about me?”
Pinkie shook her head. “Only this song!” With a click of a button, the book started to sing to them:

Who’s a silly pony? (Who’s a silly pony?)
Who is? (You is)
Applejack
Bumping into gates and knocking over fences
Who is? (You is)
Applejack

As the song continue to play, AJ’s head began to sink lower and lower. At the second mention of her name, AJ laid down on the ground, covering her face with her hat and hooves.

All day long you trot around
Looking at the apples on the trees
Dreaming all your pony dreams
Licking lips so greedily.

Pinkie was bobbing her head side to side with bellows of the tuba. Rainbow Dash’s voice could be heard over the song as she thrashed around on the ground, kicking out with hooves and clutching herself with forelimbs. “Make it stop! Oh Celestia, make it stop! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! It hurts too much!”
“Yes, Pinkie, I think it’s time to stop it!” Twilight called out over the singing book.
Pinkie nodded her head, “Okay,” a click halted the music.
Applejack didn’t move, only her nose stuck out from under her cowpony hat.
“You alright, AJ?“ Twilight’s hooves clattered a few steps closer.
Applejack pulled the brim of her hat down and covered over her snout.
“Oh . . . kay,” She turned away from her friend and walked with lethargic steps over to the computer. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to keep reading these things, Pinkie?”
“WAIT! Hold on!” Dash swooped in and stood between Twilight and the computer. “Other ponies got to hear about themselves, and it’s MY turn!”
“That’s my point, I’m not sure it’s good for us to hear.”
“Psh! I’ll be fine! What bad thing could they possibly say about Equestria’s number one flier?” Dash turned around and faced the computer, a wide and eager grin on her face. “What do they say about Rainbow Dash!”
“Oh, they like you! They say you love candy.” Pinkie moved the screen down until a picture of Dash poking through clouds appeared.
“Aww, look at me!” Dash raised her head and shook out her mane, letting it fall over her shoulders anew. She raised the stem of her tail up high and arched it proudly. “I look *so cute*!”
With Pinkie blabbing away and Rainbow Dash preening, they continued to admire pictures. They commented on various naps or smiles or game-faces of Dash. Twilight rolled her eyes at the massive ego the pegasus would undoubtedly have after this. It already dwarfed a dragon, and may eclipse Equastia if it found physical form now.
“What’s candy vag?” Dash asked while viewing a new picture.
“I dunno, but it’s candy!” Pinkie bounced into the air at the thought. “Which I always thought was weird because I thought I liked sweets more than anyone here but they always say you like it, especially this vag stuff which might be some pegesus only candy or something.”
“I do like candy, so maybe they’re right.” Dash began to puzzle her thoughts.
“Maybe this?” Pinkie paused over a picture of a man in a brown suit that said spoiler.
“That’s a monkey, Pinkie.” A little amusement colored Twilight’s voice.
“No, silly! Behind him. The picture has a name called ‘Pinkie_licking_candy_vag.’ I wonder when I did that.” Pinkie moved her hoof across the book and a click opened the picture.
Rarity fainted.  Rainbow Dash grew pale as a doe and froze with an open jaw.  Twilight shut her eyes tight and nearly destroyed the book with a magical telekinetic backlash.
Pinkie raised her hoof to scratch her chin. “Hmm, I don’t think I’ve done that before.” Another thought struck her. “And I don’t think that’s candy.”
“Pinkie! Get rid of that picture!” Twilight screamed.
“Yeah, it’s kinda yucky-licky-grosserific anyways.” To a collected sigh of relief, a button press ended the nightmare.
Rainbow Dash slowly sank back to sitting on her haunches, face still just as pale, jaw still just as dropped.
“Oh, I get it!” Pinkie said. “Candy vagina! That’s what they mean.”
Applejack slowly slid her hat to the side, peaking out with one eye.
“Pinkie! Please! Not so loud.” Twilight’s voice grew gravelly in mounting frustration. “That’s not a polite word.”
“They . . . say I like candy . . . vagina?” Time only returned a fraction of the color in Dash’s features.
“In almost every shot!” In the span of a few moments, Pinkie highlighted every picture from Candy Vag Detected to Be A Dyke Pony: Eat Candy Vag.
“Dyke pony!” Rainbow Dash’s wings flared out in anger. In an instant, Dash found herself scooted off to the side by a purple magical force.
“Pinkie, that’s really enough.” Twilight took Rainbow Dash’s place, calling on all the command in her stance and voice that a student of the queen could muster. “Reading these has been nothing but a problem. It’s time to put it away.”
“Aww, but Twilight!” Pinkie frowned, her eyes wavering and watery as she looked up to the purple pony. “It’s my gift from Celestia and I don’t want to put it away, yet.”
“Pinkie, look around!” Twilight gestured with her nose and Pinkie began to follow. Rarity had fainted not but a few feet away and had remained on the ground. Applejack had resumed covering her face with her hat and holding it in place with her hooves. Rainbow Dash looked away when their eyes met, sitting on that once proud tail.
“Uhh, Twilight. Where is Fluttershy?”
“What?” Twilight gasped and started a canter around the room, mind resisting panic. What if she had seen that Candy Vag picture? “Fluttershy? Fluttershy!”
“Over here. . .” She whispered, a sound like the rustle of a breeze.
“Where?” Twilight stopped, swiveling ears while trying to get a beat on the sound.
“Over here.” She huffed louder and a pair of eyes stared out of the handhold on a cardboard box.
Twilight trotted to the box with an eyebrow raised. “Umm, Fluttershy?”
“Yes, Twilight?”
“Why are you in a box?”
“Hiding.”
Twilight blinked several times. “From?”
“Pinkie Pie said that Celestia said people are watching us.”
“You’re hiding from . . . those people, whom we have never seen or met?”
“Do they talk about me?”
Pinkie Pie, still by the computer, nodded her head furiously. “They named you ‘waifu!’”
The box squeaked and rustled, the eyes disappearing. A bump displaced the box before it settled a few inches over.
“Fluttershy, come out.” Twilight grumbled.
“No,”
“Argh, fine!” Twilight walked back to Pinkie, head lowered. “Pinkie, it’s time to stop reading that horrible book.”
“But I just found this part where they are talking about Celestia and I really want to see, pleeease not yet!” Pinkie’s eyes began to water again as she looked to Twilight.
“. . . Celestia?” Deep inside her heart, Twilight felt morbid curiosity begin to bubble forward. Celestia, her royal highness, that raised the sun and controlled the moon for a thousand years. The princess that took her in when she was a foal and raised her like her own. The kind ruler of Equestria who forgave her sister and maintained harmony between the pegasus, unicorns, and earth ponies. A princess with beauty unmatched and wisdom of millennia. What could they possibly say about her beloved teacher? Celestia is untouchable by any force but the most ancient of powers.
The hesitancy turned Pinkie’s eyes hopeful.
“Oh, fine. Maybe we’ll get one good thing out of these creatures.”
“Yay!” Pinkie bounced and began to scroll the page.
The very first picture caused Twilight to flinch and a jolt of fear caused her heart to thud rapidly in her chest. “I’ve never seen Celestia angry. And I don’t want to imagine what would cause that, and especially not what she would do.” She had read legends of the time when Celestia had battled her sister Luna just before the thousand year imprisonment. Time had long since passed those legends into the realm of Ponytale, and Celestia had never spoken of that battle herself. Some geologist had posited theories that the entire world had undergone a drastic shift at that time, and lands became unrecognizable.
“I never saw her angry either, in fact she seemed all smiley, happy, and sometimes even laughed at my dares that I gave her, and she told me that she’d never seen any pony like me in all her eons of life, and I said that I had never met a pony like her either, except NightMare Moon, which kind of reminded me of her except all dark and spooky and not nearly as nice as she is now as Ms. Luna, and Celestia laughed again. She has a pretty laugh.” Pinkie smiled.
The next picture that scrolled past their gaze was artwork of Celestia drowning Luna with chains. Awkward feelings began to creep over her, rising slowly but intensely like a flood. “That’s an odd statement.” She said while looking at Luna’s hopeless acceptance. “Why would Celestia do that?”
“They call her a dinosaur. A tyrannosaurus.” Pinkie mimicked a dragon’s cry and followed it up with several giggles. “I don’t know why.”
“What?” Twilight scanned through a few posts. “Pinkie, you’re not reading thoroughly. They call her a ty—” She gasped, the word penetrating her thoughts like an arrow. “T-tyrant.”
“Oh, like a ruly-kingy-meanypants. That makes a lot more sense than a dinosaur. I thought they called her that because she was old like Granny Smith, only not all wrinkly like Granny is.”
The door busted open. Spike leaned a hand against the door frame to catch his breath. “There you are Twilight! Ma—. . . what happened in here?”
Taken back to reality, she turned and approached Spike. “It’s not important. So, what is it?”
“Mayor Mare has been looking for you.” He paused, looking over the room one more time. “Or more she told me to look for you and give this message she dictated.” Unraveling a scroll, he began to read it off in his casually official way:
On behalf of the town of Ponyville, I request that you, personally, Twilight Sparkle, gather your friends and address this town crisis. The fairyfolk of the EverFree forest have expanded one of the borders of the woods to the edge of our central river. We must make sure they do not expand the forest into the river itself and turn it into a swamp, as it’s vital for this town’s way of life. Your expertise in diplomacy makes you the most qualified pony in the town to negotiate with the fae and ensure the safety of the town,
With regards,
The Mayor.
The new town envoy glanced behind her, her mind already at work in formulating a plan.
Pinkie glanced away from what she was reading and met the gaze of her friend with a look of bewilderment. “Twilight, are you black?”
Twilight’s head lowered until her nose nearly touched the ground and she breathed out a frustrated groan.

We’ll return to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, right these messages!
Only on the HUB!