“Not going to happen, Doctor!” Qwark rebutted, though his face quickly turned to one of confusion. “But I thought you came here to discuss peace negotiations!”
Nefarious shrugged. “It’s easier to negotiate peace with a laser pistol in your hand. Not that YOU are deserving of ANY peace, ever!”
Lawrence shuffled onto the scene behind Nefarious. “Sir, it looks like your direct assault plan failed...and you seem rather occupied. Want me to go back to the drawing board for you?”
“Quiet, Lawrence! I’m busy negotiating!” Nefarious huffed, not breaking his red eyes away from Qwark in the exchange.
Derpy and Dash soon flew in, and stumbled across the standoff. Neither of them knew the green creature that Nefarious was talking to, though they assumed it was Captain Qwark.
Still, they dared not interfere. The standoff between the two bipedal creatures was so tense it could be felt in the very air around them. As both of them were Pegasi, they could feel the wind currents in the area, and it told them that something big was going down here, and that it was out of their league now.
Twilight was too busy being stunned by the rapid meltdown of these peace negotiations. Both Qwark and Nefarious were pointing weapons at each other, and both of them were fully intent on using them should the situation escalate any further. She was barely able to register the presence of Rainbow Dash and Derpy in addition to the other strange robot that came with Nefarious, who she presumed to be Lawrence.
However, there wasn’t any time to think about her friends right now. She needed to do something to break this tension, so she teleported herself in between the two.
“Both of you, stop this!” she objected. “I don’t know what caused all of this, but this is NOT the way to go about resolving it! Can’t you both put away your weapons and talk?”
Qwark responded first. “No can do, Twilight. Nefarious just tried to kill me...again! You want me to play nice with a villain that has no problems shooting at me? I don’t think so.”
Nefarious ignored Qwark’s remark, and continued with his tirade. “Qwark, you’ve meddled with my plans for the LAST time! Were it not for YOUR interference shooting at that switch, you’d be DEAD and I’d be relaxing in Pokitaru right now! Instead, you went and sent us all here with your idiotic plan!”
“Hey, you didn’t give me much of a choice, Nefarious! Either I did something to save my hide, or you’d be free to threaten the galaxy with whatever plans you would come up with once I was gone!” Qwark shot back.
This was going nowhere for Twilight, but she heard something in this argument that stuck in her head, and she had to ask about it.
“Well, why haven’t you both tried to go home yet?”
Suddenly, the tension that was felt by everyone present lowered slightly as both Qwark and Nefarious contemplated her question.
Qwark realized that not once had he asked about a way back home. It never even occurred to him how many friends he was missing back in the Solana galaxy. Ratchet and his robot pal Clank were probably searching for him right now...and he hadn’t even bothered trying to contact them. Outside of Nefarious, this place seemed peaceful enough to not warrant a superhero being present.
However, simply Nefarious being here was enough for him to know that he couldn’t leave here yet, not while that robotic menace still stood on free soil and not behind bars. Things might be different if Nefarious went along peacefully, but Qwark knew that would never happen, not in a million years!
Nefarious came to a different, yet somewhat similar conclusion. With his immense technological genius, he could easily build a ship that would get him and Lawrence home, assuming he could find or make all the parts he needed on this planet. It wasn’t an impossible task, but it would be time-consuming and potentially difficult. There were no Zoni to help him this time, and he doubted there was enough technological progress here to build anything beyond basic metal items. Maybe some mechanical tools with wiring, if he was lucky.
However, did Nefarious even want to leave? He had been caught off-guard by that Celestia pony in the castle when she held him in the air with that glowing stasis field. If he could find some way to contain, prevent, or harness that odd power that disabled him for himself, he could probably crush this entire land under his metal foot in an instant, like he had with the peaceful Fongoids and using the Zoni they worshipped before Ratchet interfered.
There was also the fact that outside of these ponies and Qwark, Ratchet and Clank still haven’t found them yet, which would make his task all the easier to accomplish here. The gears in his green egg dome soon began to turn...and a plan beginning to form in his crazed, psychotic supervillain mind.
However, for it to work, he needed to...ugh, play nice with the squishies for now. Thus, he did something Qwark didn’t expect...or anypony else. He holstered his laser pistol.
“Doctor? What are you doing?” Qwark asked.
“What does it LOOK like I’m doing, you buffoon?! I’m surrendering and willing to talk.” To prove his intent, he raised his clawed metal hands into the air.
Qwark bought it, and put away his blaster. “Well then, let’s get down to brass bolts! Twilight, is there a place where we can discuss our terms?”
Twilight breathed a sigh of relief that things seemed resolved, but there was something...off about his surrender. Why did Princess Celestia have so much trouble with him only for him to act docile now? Did she really get to him, or was there something more to this than Nefarious was letting on?
She noticed that Qwark didn’t seem to know this...or care, even. Somehow she knew he was hopeless to be convinced otherwise right now, so she decided to keep her suspicions to herself.
“I suppose the library is a good spot for it then.”
Qwark smiled. “Perfect! Come along, Nefarious! We’ve got talking to do!” Qwark brought Nefarious into him with one arm and held onto him tight.
“ARGH! Let me go, you oaf! I can WALK, you know!” Nefarious complained.
Qwark ignored him. “Twilight, let’s get moving. I...still need your help getting into the library,” Qwark stated, and began to take steps toward the library. Twilight nodded, and began to pace behind the two, keeping a close eye on Nefarious the whole way.
Nefarious started to realize this might have been a terrible plan. He turned his head back and wriggled against Qwark’s strong grip, yet was unable to budge. His eyes sought out his last escape route.
“Lawrence! Help me!”
“I would sir, but I don’t believe you need my help for negotiations. You seem to do that awfully well all by your lonesome,” Lawrence responded.
“LAAAWWWREEEENNNCE!” Nefarious yelled in a volatile mixture of rage and desperation.
“Your robo-butler is right, Nefarious. We need a man to ma-er, robot talk here. You know, mano y roboto, right?” Qwark tilted his head, wondering if he got that phrase right.
Nefarious felt his loose eye slide out of its socket right at that time.
-----------------------------
Derpy, Rainbow Dash, and Lawrence all stood and watched as Nefarious was dragged away by Qwark. Nefarious tried digging his claws into the earth as a final effort to stave off the inevitable, only to leave drag lines all the way down the dirt path.
Lawrence couldn’t show it, but he felt ecstatic in seeing Nefarious like that. Oh, if only he could do that himself without getting fired...oh well. He still had his moments whenever Nefarious froze up. That slap he gave him earlier in the castle still felt good on his hand.
“So...uh...what do we do next?” Derpy asked Dash.
“I suppose you both will need to watch me now,” Lawrence answered before Dash could respond.
Dash shot him a small glare. “She didn’t ask you, Lawrence.”
“On the contrary, miss Dash, I do believe it would have been about me anyway. You wouldn’t want another robot to cause trouble like that, would you?”
Miss Dash? Sheesh, Lawrence really was proper for a butler. However, he had a good point. Letting him out of their sight would only invite more trouble, and trouble was something Ponyville didn’t need right now. It got enough trouble as is.
“No, I won’t let that happen,” Dash responded. “However, we still need to do something while the eggheads and that Qwark creature talk things over.”
Lawrence thought for a moment before asking, “Do you happen to have a music store somewhere?”
“Music? You listen to music?” Dash asked.
“Well, I play instruments, to be more precise,” Lawrence clarified.
“Oh, I know a place! Follow me, and I’ll take you there!” Derpy chimed in before flying off into the town.
Lawrence and Rainbow Dash shared a look before following Derpy as she led them through the town of Ponyville. As it was still afternoon, many ponies were trotting about, though many if all stopped to watch the strange robot shuffle along the ground, unaware of what it was. They also showed signs of fear, though it was somewhat alleviated by the fact that Rainbow Dash was flying alongside him looking like an escort, while Derpy continued to lead them on.
Dash wondered if this was really a good idea. Gossip was beginning to spread ever since Nefarious stomped his way through the town moments earlier, enraged and looking for Qwark. Most didn’t notice Lawrence as he was escorted by the mares. However, now that Nefarious was gone they most certainly did notice Lawrence now, and she could tell they were wondering if he was as frightening as Nefarious.
“And we’re here!” Derpy shouted to the two behind her as she hovered in front of a store with a vinyl disc hanging just above the doorway. It read “Vinyl Scratch’s Music Emporium” in bright neon colors on the disc.
Derpy’s calling derailed Dash’s train of thought, but none were more surprised than Lawrence as Derpy opened the door and ushered him and Dash inside.
Before Lawrence’s eyes sat a medley of musical instruments, recording devices, headphones, speakers, amplifiers, and various other musical technology that spat in the face of Lawrence’s notion that these ponies were as stone-aged as he had determined from his run-in with the castle guards. Not only was this a refreshing sight for him, especially as his blue eyes fell upon a bass guitar in the back of the store next to a drum set, but this also confirmed the possibility that there was indeed technology they could work with on this planet.
Nefarious would be delighted to hear this news...almost as much as Lawrence was at finding another bass guitar. Nefarious decided to smash his last one into pieces on an asteroid, and Lawrence still hadn’t quite forgiven him for that.
Lawrence walked over and picked up the bass guitar. A white pony with dark and bright blue hair walked down the stairs in the back corner, not noticing Lawrence as they came down. They were wearing a pair of violet tinted shades.
“Well, hello there! Welcome to my music emporium!” The pony greeted the ponies she saw as potential customers. “My name’s DJ-PON3, with a three at the end, but other ponies know me as Vinyl Scratch. What can I do for ya?”
Before either pony could respond, they all heard Lawrence playing the bass guitar in the back. At first, he was testing out the strings and tuning the instrument, but then he began to play his Bass Odyssey solo.
The nimble work of his fingers made the guitar sing like a rockin’ canary. Dash and Derpy were entranced by his music, as was Vinyl, who was bobbing her head up and down as Lawrence continued to play.
Lawrence stopped for a moment, and his eyes fell on the drum set for a moment before he turned to face his pony audience.
“I don’t suppose any of you can play drums?” he asked.
Vinyl immediately volunteered as she went over to the drum set next to him and started a rhythm for him, which he easily accompanied. Derpy and Dash opted to simply sit and listen to the jam session as Lawrence found his groove again in that little music shop.
----------------------
“Alright, let’s go over what we’ve discussed so far...again,” Twilight said.
It had been two hours of bickering and arguing between Qwark and Nefarious. It was less negotiating and more like bitterly coming to an equal arrangement with insults tossed back and forth the whole time.
Qwark and Nefarious were silent, both had their arms crossed and patiently waited for Twilight to review the agreements they came to...well, just one agreement, actually. That’s all they could manage at this rate, and even this agreement would still come under fire.
“First, Nefarious, you will work with Lawrence to make this ‘spaceship’ to get you all back to wherever you came from. Qwark is not allowed to assist with construction of this vessel, but he wishes to make sure that Nefarious doesn’t commit any evil acts while in Equestria. To do the latter, Qwark will supervise Nefarious the entire time you both remain here.”
Nefarious snapped. “I NEVER agreed to that!”
“Nefarious, right now you can’t be trusted to do anything alone, so someone has to watch you until you earn our trust, and that might as well be me,” Qwark rebutted.
“I’d rather be watched by squishy ponies than have this blithering oaf hovering over my shoulder!” Nefarious shot back, though his statement was directed toward Twilight.
“Why is that, Nefarious?” she asked.
“Because you ponies are more tolerable to deal with than HIM!” He bitterly remarked.
Twilight sighed as Qwark gritted his teeth. This was going to result in another debate again, and she wanted to cut that off before it started.
“Then why not have Qwark check on your progress once a month, and have somepony watch over you the rest of the time?”
Both Qwark and Nefarious contemplated this. Nefarious spoke first.
“That is...reasonable.”
“I don’t like it, but so long as he’s being watched the whole time, nothing should go wrong,” Qwark said.
“Then negotiations are finally over? Why don’t you two shake hooves?” Twilight asked.
Both of them looked at her quizzically, and she realized her error. “Sorry, I mean...hands?” She shrugged.
Both of them looked back to each other. Nefarious’s cold eyes met Qwark’s determined eyes, and in that moment an understanding of minds was met between a genius and an idiot. They shook hands at last, despite both being slightly cross at how long the negotiations lasted.
Twilight, on the other hoof, was happy to see these negotiations come to an end. These two were flinging so many foreign insults at each other her head was having a hard time processing it all, and she wanted to write a letter to Celestia about the success about the negotiations as well.
At that point another problem just surfaced in her head. Building this spaceship would take a long time according to Nefarious, and none of them had even remotely discussed living arrangements.
“Do you two know where you’re going to be staying for the night?”
“No,” both of them echoed at the same time.
However, Nefarious continued. “However, I don’t need a place to stay. I don’t need sleep unlike you squishies, so I can work on the ship as long as I want!”
“Need I remind you that you need to be watched, Nefarious?” Qwark asked.
“Then WHERE do you suggest I go, Qwark?”
Qwark didn’t have an answer to that...but Twilight did.
-----------------------
“Oh no, Twilight. You are NOT puttin’ this robot-thing here under my roof!” An irritated orange mare with a stetson huffed at the insane suggestion Twilight was making.
“Applejack, please. It’ll only be as long as it takes for Doctor Nefarious here to build a ship for them to get home!” Twilight responded.
“I don’t care who they are or where they’re from, but ya can’t just lease out my barn to a foreigner you just met here in Ponyville!” Applejack snapped.
Applejack couldn’t believe this. One minute she was busy practicing for the next Apple Bucking Season, the next Twilight comes along and brings two large bipedal creatures with her and trying to explain the thin blue shiny robot called Nefarious needs a place to stay. Frankly, just his name alone rang all sorts of bells in her head saying he was up to no good, and she wasn’t about to have that on her farm.
Nefarious was equally bothered by Applejack. He noticed she had very perceptive eyes about her as she carefully looked him over not long after Twilight introduced. He could feel her eyes boring into him as well as a raritanium-tipped drill, and he didn’t like it. He concluded that she would be very troublesome to deal with. Out of all the squishy ponies he had met so far, he was already certain that he would annihilate this one first...after Princess Celestia, of course.
Twilight sighed. She could already tell this wasn’t going to work out...but then she remembered that Qwark also needed a place to stay. She was already growing tired of teleporting Qwark in and out of the library.
“How about Captain Qwark, then?”
Applejack turned and looked Qwark over with the same piercing gaze. Qwark felt quite nervous, but he still stood there proud and heroically.
After a minute or so, Applejack seemed somewhat satisfied. “Him I can deal with, Twi. However, it won’t be a free ride. I can let ya stay in our barn, but you gotta do some work on this orchard as payment for room and board. That sound fair?”
Physical labor? Qwark flashed a large smile. He had a body BUILT for that, so this should be easy!
“Absolutely, Applejack! I mean, look at these massive guns!” -Qwark flexed both his arms- “This sounds like a great deal to me!” Qwark stated with a slight bit of arrogance in his tone.
“Great! In that case, ya can start right now with helpin’ me gather more apples!” Applejack declared, leading Qwark off toward where she was bucking the last tree she was working on.
Twilight smiled as they walked away, but that smile faded as she looked at Nefarious, who had crossed his arms and was tapping his foot impatiently.
“Well, this clearly didn’t work out. Where to now, squishy?”
Twilight had to think for a moment. Nefarious had already met Rainbow Dash, so she might be willing to keep an eye on him...but could he walk on clouds? That seemed doubtful, he didn’t look like the flying type from how he walked around...but she couldn’t say that for certain.
Come to think of it, outside of him using that pistol earlier, she had no idea what Nefarious was capable of...and that scared her more than anything.
She shook her head, remembering that Nefarious still needed a place to stay. Then it hit her, there was one pony who might take him in...but it already seemed ridiculous to her with how reclusive and shy she was. Then again, this pony had already reformed the embodiment of chaos, and she knew how much trouble that draconnequus caused, so it was worth a try.
-------------------------
“So, uh...Captain Qwark, how good are you at bucking?”
Qwark stopped and blinked at Applejack, wondering if he heard her right. “Uh, could you rephrase that?”
“Kicking! Are ya any good at kicking?”
“Hah! Applejack, I’ve kicked down so many steel doors and stone walls during my heroic career, a couple of trees shouldn’t be a problem for me.”
Applejack was uncertain, but Qwark seemed so confident she thought he would be able to do it. “Alright, Qwark. Why don’t you start on that tree over there? I already set some baskets down near it.”
Qwark walked up to the indicated tree with many bright red and green apples dangling from it. Qwark bent his legs, lifted a foot, and slammed it into the tree. His foot left a very sizable dent in the bark, but the apples did not fall. Frustrated, he kicked it again, but besides leaving a bigger dent, no apples fell.
Now quite angry, Qwark put all his strength into his third kick against the tree. The impact left a deep dent in the base of the tree, and finally shook all the apples loose as they landed in the baskets around the tree. However, it also uprooted the tree, causing it to begin toppling over. Qwark panicked and grabbed the tree and pulled it back to its original position, just as Applejack turned around after hearing the apples land in the baskets.
“Wow, nice work, Qwark!” she praised.
Qwark flashed a smile, and leaned an arm against the tree, in what he thought to be a cool and relaxed pose. “Nothing to it, Applejack. I told you-aaaaaaaaagh!”
Qwark forgot he uprooted the tree, and promptly fell over as the tree tipped and crashed into the ground, knocking over two of the baskets and spilling his hard-earned bounty all around the area.
Applejack’s reaction was a mixture of fear and anger at the scene. Fear won out first as she quickly approached him as soon as he began to fall.
“Qwark, are ya alright?!” A slight tone of panic was present in her voice.
Qwark shook his head and rose to his feet. “I’m fine...and sorry, AJ. These trees are stubborn things!”
Applejack narrowed her eyes. “Stubborn? Naw, you’re doing it wrong then.”
Qwark tilted his head in confusion. “Applejack, I’m kicking trees. How is that wrong?”
She gestured to the large dent in the tree. “For a start, you’re kicking the trees too dang hard! While ya do need a good buck to get the apples off, that’s just overdoing it. Here, watch me.”
Applejack led Qwark over to another tree with more buckets neatly arranged around it. Qwark stood a small distance away as he watched her approach the tree, turn around, and give it a good buck. She left nary a scratch on the tree, but the apples all fell down and landed neatly into the buckets, which stunned Qwark.
She turned around, and chuckled at seeing Qwark with his mouth gaping. She then explained, “Qwark, it’s all in the right technique. Ya can’t just use brute force, it’s more like...like a polite shove to move through a crowd of ponies. However, in this case it’s more like I’m askin’ the tree to let the apples fall, and my buck is strong enough to ask that, but not so strong that it’ll hurt the tree. Does that make sense?”
For the first time since he entered Equestria, Qwark completely understood an explanation that was given to him. He recalled many days where he had to part crowds of fans and onlookers with his muscular arms just to get to his trailer back when he was doing endorsement deals and promotions all across the galaxy. Now that he had a better idea of what she was talking about, he had a better grasp on how to handle her apple trees.
He nodded. “Alright Applejack, I know how to get these trees to drop their fruit without hurting them.”
Applejack wore a smug grin. “Is that so? Well, you can try it on the next tree as soon as you clean up that mess ya made earlier.” She gestured to the fallen tree and the two tipped buckets of spilled apples. Qwark nodded again, and went over to fix his mess. Thankfully, it only took him a few minutes to replace the tree and gather the apples scattered around, and soon he was ready to try his luck with the next apple tree.
This time, he arranged more buckets that were stacked in a pile nearby around the tree. Since his feet were more useful for breaking things down, he didn’t use them this time. Instead, he took a karate stance, and drove his hand into the side of the tree with a well-aimed chop. There was a small dent from the impact, and the tree shook for a brief moment before half the apples fell off the tree and neatly into the buckets below. Undeterred, Qwark planted a second strike to the other side of the tree, and a smile filled his cheeks when the rest of the apples fell into the buckets, while the tree was still standing.
Applejack witnessed his method, and thought it odd (and somewhat inefficient), but at least Qwark figured out how to do the work without wrecking her precious apple trees. She nodded to him with a satisfied smile, then the two both began harvesting apples at their own pace.