//------------------------------// // IV: You Get What You Pay For // Story: I Should Have Never Bought That Pony // by Final Draft //------------------------------// “Let me go! Let me go!” Diamond Tiara said, trying to squirm free. Her attempts were futile and she finally allowed herself to be cuddled. That didn’t change her aggravated facial expression at all, and she stared up at David and Kristin. Looks like I owe Discord a drink, David thought to himself. He watched as Tiffany swung her new pony back and forth, cradling it in her arms. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Immediately following that thought, Tiffany set Diamond Tiara down and the pony bolted from the little girl. “Pony! Come back!” Tiffany shouted, giving chase. Diamond Tiara barreled past the bags of wrapping paper, knocking them over and sending paper everywhere. The little pony stayed well ahead of Tiffany and her eyes scanned the apartment for an exit. She spotted the door and galloped as fast as she could, her hooves making soft plodding noises on the carpeting. When she reached the door, she reeled back on her rear hooves and managed to turn the knob with her front ones. Before David or Kristin could react, Diamond Tiara had the door open and she ran out of the apartment. “Daddy! My pony!” Tiffany shouted as David ran past her. He stood in the hallway and managed to catch a glimpse of the pony’s purple tail disappear around the corner. He sprinted to catch up; his bathrobe flapping behind him as he ran. Okay, they can open doors and talk, looks like I got my money’s worth, David thought to himself as he made it to the stairs. The door had just closed and he yanked it open. A scream came from the bottom of the stairs and he looked down over the banister. His landlord had just jumped back after Diamond Tiara galloped past her. David wanted so desperately to avoid her, but there was no time to take the elevator. He stomped down the stairs, stepping in cold puddles of melted snow, until he reached the bottom. Mrs. Stockhart was grasping her chest when David finally reached the bottom, and he hoped she wasn’t having a heart attack. “What was that thing?!” Mrs. Stockhart shouted to David, blocking the door with her girth. He tried to pass, but she held up the shovel she had in her hands. All the shovels and bags of salt were stored in the stairwell, and she must have just gotten done shoveling. “Nothing! It was nothing!” David shouted, squeezing past her. Diamond Tiara ran through the crowded sidewalk, narrowly avoiding being trampled. She had no idea where she was or what all these creatures were, she just knew she had to get away. The creatures looked at her with curiosity and several tried to pick her up. She bucked her tiny little hooves to escape once or twice, sending a few of the smaller creatures into fits of tears. She saw an opening in the crowd and galloped as fast as she could for it. There was a large, black clearing with none of the creatures, and she got to the middle of it. All at once, there were blaring horns and angry shouts as huge metal monsters rolled past her. The exhaust from the vehicles burned her eyes and she rubbed at them furiously, trying to clear her vision. A yellow taxi cab was barreling toward her with its horn sounding, and she looked at it frightfully. Knowing she couldn’t run, she closed her eyes and braced for impact. Suddenly, she felt herself being lifted up and cradled against something warm. David had jumped out into traffic and scooped Diamond Tiara up with one arm, and signaled traffic to stop with the other. “Sorry! Sorry!” he shouted as he tried to navigate through the traffic jam he’d caused. People rolled down their windows and shouted at him while others just honked their horns. Freezing cold, half-naked, and clutching a pink pony in the middle of New York traffic. Exactly how I wanted to start off Christmas. Finally, he made it to the sidewalk and looked down at the pony he held in his arms. She was shaking and still had her eyes clamped shut. Her little heart was beating twice as fast as his, which was impressive, because his was absolutely pounding against his chest. “Are you alright?” he asked the pony. She opened her eyes when she realized he was addressing her. Her blue eyes looked up at him angrily, and after a moment, she looked away. “I’m fine,” she said, shifting uncomfortably. David adjusted his grip on her so it was more comfortable for the both of them. He carried her back to the apartment complex and was anything but excited to see Mrs. Stockhart waiting outside. “I’m going to ask you again,” she began, “What is that thing?” She pointed a plump finger right in front of Diamond Tiara’s nose, and David prayed the pony wouldn’t bite. “It’s, er, one of those new My Little Pony toys,” David tried to explain. He turned Diamond Tiara so she was facing him and he hoped she’d play along. “Little pony, what’s your name?” he asked. Diamond Tiara just glared at him. “I said, little pony, what’s your name?” David repeated through gritted teeth. When she still didn’t respond, David finally asked, “Is your name Fluffy?” “No! My name is Diamond Tiara and you’re a big, stupid—” David clamped his hand over her mouth and looked up at his landlord. Her eyes had gone wide at hearing Diamond Tiara talk. “That’s quite the toy!” she said. “You must have paid a pretty penny for it!” Her tone suddenly changed as she looked back to David. “You should have no problem paying rent on time this month, correct?” It had never been a problem in the past, but she always acted like he was irresponsible with money. “It won’t be a problem,” David said, stepping around his landlord. He was still barefoot and his bathrobe was anything but warm, and he just wanted to get back to his apartment. Mrs. Stockhart’s eyes followed him as he made his way to the elevator. Once back on the third floor, he found Tiffany and Kristin waiting in the hallway for him. His daughter ran up to him, trying to take Diamond Tiara, but David held onto her. “In the apartment,” he said quietly. Kristin took Tiffany’s hand and they walked back into the apartment. David locked the door behind him and carefully set Diamond Tiara down on the couch. “Pony, why’d you run away?” Tiffany asked with big, sad eyes. “I don’t know who or what you things are! I just want to go home!” Diamond Tiara said, pushing herself away from Tiffany. “David,” Kristin said slowly, “that isn’t a toy.” “Yeah, I know,” David said, glad his wife was willing to accept the fact. He looked to her and she looked at him with a mixture of confusion and anger. “Well, what is it?” she demanded. “It’s a pony, duh!” Tiffany answered for her father. Diamond Tiara had jumped off the couch and continued to stay ahead of the little girl following her. “Yes, I’m a pony, now leave me alone!” Diamond Tiara shouted. “Why can it talk? Where did you get it? WHY IS IT PINK?” Now David could relate when Discord said he asked too many questions. “You’ll have to ask Santa,” David replied. “I told Santa my daughter wanted a pony, so he brought her a pony.” Kristin grabbed David by the arm and dragged him into their bedroom. The door slammed, leaving Diamond Tiara and Tiffany alone in the living room. Tiffany was too busy chasing her pony to notice the loud conversation taking place on the other side of the door. “Can you please stop following me?” Diamond Tiara asked, growing bored of their game of “follow the leader.” The girl nodded and stood still. She had a big smile on her face and awaited Diamond’s next request/demand. Diamond Tiara looked at the creature and was amazed it had obeyed her. It simply stood there, playing with its blonde mane and smiling. “Do you have a name, pony?” the girl asked. “My name is Tiffany.” “Tiffany? That’s a weird name,” Diamond Tiara mused. This time, it was her who went on the approach. Still, Tiffany stood in the same place she’d stopped. Diamond Tiara got right up to her and marveled at her intricate fur. It was covered in cutie marks, all of which looked like little ponies. “I told you my name, now what’s yours?” Tiffany asked as the pony walked circles around her. Diamond Tiara wasn’t sure if she wanted to trust Tiffany just yet. She stopped in front of her and stared into her eyes. There didn’t appear to be any malice or ill intentions written on the girl’s face. Just as Diamond went to turn away, Tiffany reached out and picked her up. “Put me down!” Diamond Tiara said, squirming in the girl’s embrace. “Not until you tell me your name!” Tiffany replied, keeping a firm yet loving grip on the pony. “Okay! It’s Diamond Tiara!” she shouted. Her hooves hit the carpet once more and she galloped to the couch. She jumped up and looked back at Tiffany. “I love you, Diamond Tiara!” Tiffany shouted. The pony stuck her tongue out and made a gagging motion. The door to David and Kristin’s bedroom opened and they both came out looking flustered. Kristin approached Diamond Tiara and picked her up with absolutely no finesse. She poked and pinched the pony, eliciting angry little yelps each time. “Ow, stop it!” Diamond Tiara cried. Tiffany ran forward and tried to save her new best friend from her mother. “Mommy, you’re hurting Diamond Tiara!” she cried. Kristin looked down at her daughter and then to her husband. “Diamond Tiara?” she asked. “Her name really is Diamond Tiara?” “Yes,” David, Tiffany, and the pony all said in unison. Kristin just looked the angry little pony in the eyes and set her down. Diamond Tiara scurried behind Tiffany and used her as cover. Kristin sat down on the couch and stared at the mess of gifts and wrapping paper still littering her living room. “Okay, so we have a pony now,” she said, laughing to herself. “A talking pony named Diamond Tiara.” David sat next to his wife and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “It’ll be no different than having a dog,” he said. Diamond Tiara took offense to the comment. “So that’s all I am to you? A pet?” she asked angrily. She suddenly felt the warm embrace of Tiffany’s arms around her. “No, silly. You’re my best friend!” Tiffany said, hugging Diamond Tiara. “No. I’m not,” she said, breaking the embrace. She pointed her nose in the air and trotted off toward the dining room. She squeezed under the table and looked out at the family from between the chair legs. After a few silent moments, Kristin and David finally got off the couch. They cleaned the mess in the living room quietly, only speaking when they needed. The whole while they cleaned, they could feel the pony’s eyes on them. Tiffany sat and played with her dolls, glancing over at the table every now and then. She was upset her pony didn’t like her as much as she did. By lunch time, the apartment was presentable once more, and Kristin started setting up additional decorations. David looked at his phone and dreaded what would begin in five hours. His sister-in-law Jen and her fiancé Zack would be showing up, smelling of high society and Marlboro menthol cigarettes. And as always, they’d have gifts they wanted to exchange. They were never happy with what they got in return, and always said, “It’s the thought that counts.” He sat down at the dining room table and started deleting all the generic “Merry Christmas” text messages he’d received. A low rumbling noise came from beneath the table and he lowered his head to investigate. Diamond Tiara was curled up in a ball with her back turned to him. Another low rumble came from the pony and he realized he hadn’t fed her. “Hey,” David whispered. The filly slowly turned over to look at him. She’d clearly been crying and her eyes were still red. “What?” she asked in a snobby voice. “Do you want something to eat?” he asked. “No,” she said flatly, and turned back onto her side. Her stomach rumbled again and she curled up tighter. David stood up and went into the kitchen. Kristin had set out a bowl of fruit on the counter and he grabbed a few apples from it. He returned to his seat and looked under the table again. “If you change your mind, these are here,” he said, setting down the apples onto the floor. The pony didn’t acknowledge him and he sat back up straight. A few moments passed, and sure enough, he felt her stir beneath him and heard the crunch of an apple being bitten. A few minutes later, she wandered out from under the table and looked around the apartment. She looked up at David, trying to measure his character. They stared at each other for a moment before Diamond Tiara gave up reading him. She knew that he'd bought her as a gift for his daughter like she was an object instead of a sentient being. But he’d asked questions—lots of questions—and seemed like he was concerned about her. Tiffany was still sitting on the carpet with her dolls, and Diamond Tiara cautiously walked over. She sat down next to the girl and hoped she wouldn’t be scooped up like she had been a dozen times already. Tiffany kept her hands to herself and continued playing with her dolls; however, a huge smile had spread across her face. “What are these?” Diamond Tiara asked, picking up one of the dolls with her hoof. They looked exactly like the creatures holding her captive, but much, much smaller. Before she could get an answer, Tiffany was scooped up by her mother. Yeah, not so fun, is it? Diamond Tiara thought to herself after seeing Tiffany lifted helplessly into the air. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up before Aunt Jen arrives,” Kristin said, carrying Tiffany off to the bathroom. The door closed and now Diamond Tiara was left alone with David once more. Diamond Tiara looked at the toys and then to David. “What are these?” she asked, holding up the toy. “Those are dolls,” David replied. “I know they're dolls, stupid. I mean, what are they? What are you?" “Oh, we’re humans.” “Hu-mans?” “Yeah, how did you not know that?” David asked. He figured a talking pony should at least be aware of the world around her. “There aren’t humans where I come from,” she replied. “I want to get back there…” The guilt started slowly creeping over David, but he tried to rationalize his decision. It’s just separation anxiety, all creatures get it. Soon enough, she’ll be happy living with us, and won’t remember or miss her past life. Oh God, I’m a terrible person. He let her words drift through the apartment, acting like they hadn’t bothered him. A very painful twenty minutes passed before Kristin and Tiffany emerged from the bathroom. Diamond Tiara didn’t recognize her new “best friend” at first; her fur with the cutie marks had been replaced by a clean dress. Thankful for some solitude, David slipped into the bathroom for his own shower. Kristin and Tiffany approached Diamond Tiara and looked at her carefully. She glanced between the two of them with uncertainty. “What?” she asked after a moment. “You need a bath,” Tiffany said. Before Diamond Tiara could even move, Kristin had picked her up and carried her off toward the kitchen. As much as Diamond Tiara didn’t want a bath, she did need it. She’d spent countless days in that warehouse cage and she smelled of diesel after her morning escapade in traffic. Kristin carefully removed the tiara from Diamond Tiara’s tangled mane and set it on the counter. “Stop! I can do it myself!” Diamond Tiara shouted as she was put into the sink. Of course, Kristin didn’t believe her, and turned on the faucet. The pump kicked in and a scream came from the bathroom. “HOT! HOT! HOT!” David shouted. “Oops,” Kristin said, quickly turning off the faucet. She’d managed to get Diamond Tiara’s fur wet enough to lather in some soap. The pony coughed and flailed as she was forcefully bathed like a foal. “I hate you!” she shouted over and over again. The bath only took a few minutes, but to Diamond Tiara, it felt like an eternity. When Kristin went to rinse her off, the water that came out of the faucet was ice cold. Again, David screamed from bathroom. “COOOOOOLD!” Kristin took a towel and began drying the pony’s mane and fur. “Mommy, can I help?” Tiffany asked. “She’s my pony!” Kristin smiled down at her daughter and lowered the filly into her daughter’s arms. Diamond Tiara was shivering and growling insults under her breath toward the woman she now despised. The tall one. I don’t like the tall one, Diamond Tiara thought to herself, glaring at Kristin. This one and the stallion-like human are…bearable, she thought, looking back to Tiffany. Tiffany brushed Diamond Tiara’s mane tediously for an hour while David and Kristin started Christmas dinner. They ran around, keeping busy while their daughter and her new pony watched from the living room. The time passed by slowly and David could feel his anxiety kicking in. He glanced at his phone every five minutes and continuously made sure both his daughter and her pony were still getting along. He debated what to even tell the in-laws about the pony. Hell, maybe they’ll be jealous. A knock came at the door at precisely 5:00 and Kristin rushed to answer it. David saw Diamond Tiara take a little start toward the door when it opened and he fixed her with a freezing glance. She sat back down and leaned her head against Tiffany’s leg. Waiting out in the hallway was the company David had been dreading all day; Zack the fiancé, Jen, and Jen’s daughter from a previous (failed) marriage, Rebecca. “Hi, how are you?” Kristin asked excitedly, giving her sister a hug. They looked so much alike, but Jen had clearly gotten all the family’s good genes. That is, with the exception of intelligence. She was pretty, but she wasn’t bright. “I’m good, and how is my big sister?” Jen asked, pecking Kristin on the cheek. “Good, I’m really good—and there he is!” Kristin interrupted herself to greet Zack. The big, blonde, pretty-boy from Boston towered over Kristin as he took her in his embrace. “Look what Zack got me for Christmas!” Rebecca shouted. She pushed past the big man’s legs and presented something to Kristin. David couldn’t see what it was, but based on Kristin’s reaction, it was probably something obscenely expensive. David just stood back and waited for them to file in. “Hello!” he shouted with a wave. They looked up at him and smiled awkwardly. “Daviiid! How are ya?” Zack asked, stepping into the apartment. He took David’s hand in his own massive one and shook furiously. In his free hand he held a couple large gift bags and presented one to him. “This is for you, aaand this is for little Tiffany,” he said passing each of them a gift. As he handed Tiffany her gift, he stopped to stare at the pony beside her. “This is Diamond Tiara,” Tiffany said, introducing her pony happily. Zack looked up to David with his eye brow raised. “Heh, looks a bit like the one I bought Rebecca,” he said. The little brunette girl strolled into the apartment with the gift that had amazed Kristin; a rather bemused looking orange pony with a magenta mane and little wings. The pony looked around until its eyes rested on Diamond Tiara. “Diamond Tiara!” the pony shouted. “Oh, hello Scootaloo.”