//------------------------------//
// 62: Culture Crystallized by VelvetHeart 
// Story: Xenophilia: Shotglass Oneshots 
// by TheQuietMan 
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Culture Crystallized by VelvetHeart

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"It is an honor and a pleasure to host your presence and the presences of your herd, your majesty," Perfect Pearl announced through the plush hotel carpeting she'd pressed her face to. Quickly rising, but keeping her head slightly dipped to keep her eyes beneath the royal chin, the glittering mare quickly ran her gaze through the eclectic group. "Do not worry, we have the royal herd-suite fully-prepared and ready for your arrival. Your baggage has already been moved there."

"Ehm..." The newly-crowned princess Twilight Sparkle felt her cheeks flush slightly, "...actually, they're not all in my herd."

Perfect Pearl's eye twitched visibly, "...They are not?" Her gaze swept through the group again, landing first on Rainbow Dash' toned flanks before turning to Lero. "I fear I was misinformed, but do not worry; We will prepare a second herd-room for your Storm Mistress ally and her herd, and we have kennels for your pet."

"Rainbow Dash, Lyra and Lero here are, actually, my herd. The others in the group are all single."

"Well, in that case, please let the maid guide you to the royal chambers. We have lesser, single accommodations for your--"

"Friends, and they mean the world to me."

It seemed Pretty Pearl's cheek was steadily acquiring a rather impressive variety of tics, "Of course. How could I have possibly expected it would be ea-otherwise. Let us consider some crystal berry tea before showing you your rooms. Which we have ready. Absolutely ready. Don't worry, every single need our noble guests have will be properly addressed. You will not find my hotel lacking."

Pinkie Pie giggled as she watched the hotel's owner frantically gesturing to her staff when she thought they weren't watching.


* * *


Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Rarity walked through the warmly-lit crystalline corridor, glowing orbs and numbered doors alternating in a steady parade down both walls. "Number sixteen, number seventeen, ah, this one's mine."

"Good, mine is just a little further. Come along Pinkie Pie, yours is further still."

The shy pegasus smiled and sighed, fishing out her key to click open the lock. The door creaked open-

"Oh, oh dear! Sorry, there must've been a mistake! I didn't know this room was occupied!" Blushing heavily, Fluttershy quickly backed out of the room, and closed the door, glancing to the doors on either side of hers to check if she got the right number. "Rarity? Rarity?" she called over to her unicorn friend, running the short distance to stand by the unicorn's side just as said unicorn closed her own door. "Rarity, did your room... did your room have a stallion laying on your bed too? One who was... ehm... you know..." Fluttershy's face was steadily going from yellow to pink and progressing towards red.

"Why, yes dear. I must admit, this hotel manages to make a mint on the pillow seem rather stingy, considering the erect crystal stallion on mine." She opened the door again, and walked right in, shamelessly running an appraising eye along the stallion's glittering length, "It would be ungracious not to make use of our host's generous services, now would it?"

"No, Rarity! Look, he's crying~"

"Oh! Oh no. I... I hadn't even considered that. The crystal empire is from a thousand years ago, they probably never even heard of stallion equality before, and... Wait, did Pinkie Pie find her room yet?"

A loud 'Bang!' echoed down the corridors, sending the two mares into a frantic run to Pinkie's room, where the door had been blown clear off. Confetti lay everywhere like the debris of a fragmentation bomb. "Hey, hello Rarity, hello Fluttershy! Come and join me in celebrating mister North Spire's 'You're Not Getting Raped Today' party!"


* * *


"Now, remember what I showed you." Princess Cadance' expression was stern as she pointed a hoof at the table, neat cups steaming with fresh tea while her stallion Shining Armor sat at one end. She turned to one of the waiting mares, and nodded.

The mare walked up to the table, and smiled. "Hello mister. We'll be having tea together today."

Shining Armor hmmphed out loud, "With you? No, I'm tired of tea. I'll have some coffee."

The stallion wasn't sure what happened next, but one moment he was in his chair, the next he was on the floor, clutching his testicles and trying not to throw up. For some reason his wife was smacking the mare around the snout with a rolled-up newspaper.