The Conversion Bureau: Saner Half

by Avery Quillfeather


Chapter Two

Andrezei heard a knock at his door. He moved swiftly to the thin door, he checked the peek-hole and noticed a man in a stained and dirty wife-beater. His bald head reflected the hall light and a large fat cigar hung from his lip. “Stubs. I came for the thing.” The man said “Stubs, let me in and we can discuss our next...business endeavor.”

The man walked in, letting out a large cloud of smoke from his cigar. “So, Stubs, how did it go? No mistakes I take it?” He said half-jokingly. “Last mistake you had blew your hand to bits, that was what five, six years now?” He asked glancing at the man’s hand.

“Five, and it was one mistake. A single simple mistake that shouldn’t have been made in the first place. I was...distracted.” He said as his double reappeared through the doorway, imaginary permanent marker in hand. “I have the flash powders and pipe-bomb done, if you want them right now.” Andrezei said as he could hear the squeak of the permanent marker on his boss’ bald head.

Andrezei ushered the angry bald man into his kitchen. He handed the man the three aluminum cans of flash-powder and the pipe-bomb. “Before you go, can you enlighten me on just what exactly are you planning with them?”

Frank just stared at the man dumbfounded. “You are a senior officer of the HLF, been livin’ in this apartment for the last seven years. Do you honestly don’t understand what I am planning with these things? I intend to finally charge the stupid Bureau down-town, it has been around for far too long.”

“Fair enough.” Andrezei said staring at the back of the man’s head as he left is apartment, the words “Fat Rat Bastard” written in permanent ink scrawled across his head. Andrezei nearly spat out the can of soda he was drinking upon seeing that written across the back of his boss’ head. “Sir, also, not to sound rude, but consider taking a shower?”

“Whateva’ you say Stubs.” Frank said running his hand over the back of his bald head and giving Andrezei a wave.

===

“So now that I, who is also you, enlightened yourself, you dislike the man more than the candy-coloured equines, yes?” His double said appearing behind him in his lab-coat and the can of soda from before in his hands. “You see that no good bandit for who he really is? A snake in the grass attempting to create death and destruction to befall innocent people and ponies alike? He is going to be going down to that bureau and attacking not just the ponies there but EVERYONE.”

Andrezei realized what his double was saying, and what he was thinking. “Shit.”

===

Shifts walked beside Frank, and Frogs.  She had her sawed-off shotgun loaded, gripping the forend. Her eyes moved back and forth quickly. “Frank, Tell me you have stuff ready, I have my gun, Frogs has a rifle, and what do ya got?” The group moved quietly and efficiently through the back-allies that they had mapped.Behind them was a large group carrying weapons of several varieties.

“Calm yer jets, and keep your panties untangled ladies.” Frank said pulling out the pipe-bomb. “Stubs hooked me up good.”

“N-n-nice Boss!” The short man said, he was in a tweed suit, and carrying an old AR-15.  His face looked like it had been flattened by a frying pan to the face, his tongue constantly hung out of his mouth wetting his lips. “I-I can’t wait to see the look on their faces when we-we-we go walkin’ in and BLAM, we a-start mowin’ them down.”

“Remmy everyone, this is a scare-run, we ain’t after causing casualties. Yet.” Frank said as he moved out of the alley onto a busy street in front of what used to be a hospital. “Ladies, Gentlemen, and Mentlegens! We have traversed the under-city and located the Conversion Bureau.” He said turning around to face the crowd with a flourish.

A single man sat at the front desk. His red hair unkempt and sticking up all over the place. A lab coat stained with various liquids. He watched the approaching crowd with a glare. “Well this is certainly interesting.” He said pressing a button on the bottom of the counter. “Key, we got problems here at the front door.”

A man came back over the radio, with lots of static. “-Krsst- Arrright Dr. Donovan -Krsst- Send guns or just a riot-break?”

“I don't think they are carrying heavy weaponry, so just send a riot-break, we don't need blood on the stoop of this bureau again.” Dr. Donovan said watching as a three men in black-nanoweave walked outside the front door with riot-shields in arms. A man in a suit stepped out from the same door that the anti-rioteers walked out of.

“Donovan, you seem to have been in a bit of trouble. I mean, here it is almost opening time and you got a riot on your hands.” The man said smiling at the doctor. “John, I would suggest you get down, I see the man in front carrying an improvised explosive.”

John hit the floor, winding himself as an aluminum can flew into view beside him before there was a blinding flash. John stood up, disoriented and blind. He felt his hand floundering across the top of the front desk.  He then felt a burning pain and could feel the cold of the floor again. He was sure that he had just been shot somewhere.

===

Andrezei ran, and he feared the worst. He didn’t waste time worrying about sneaking because he didn’t have weapons. He ran, and ran feeling the burn as his lungs screamed at him. “John, your bastard, you better not be getting yourself killed. I will kill you if you die.”

His double suddenly appeared running next to him, a grave look on his face. “You are worried, both for you friend and the lives that are at risk if your boss is going to do what you think he is going to do with that bomb. Run forrest run!” His double screamed before disappearing.

Andrezei ran, and ran. Not stopping to chat with the people on the street that waved. Not bothering to apologize to the ponies he nearly ran over. He just ran with one goal in mind. Stop Frank.

===

John’s vision cleared, and he noticed the sawed-off shot-gun barrel pointed at his face. He stared up at the wielder. She was a thin, angry looking woman wearing a ripped, and dirty white dress. He stared at her for a few seconds before he noticed, her eyes were two different colors. “Ma’am, I would suggest that you remove the barrel of your shot-gun from -”

“Shut it.” Was all the woman said shoving the cold steel barrel against his face. “Or I don’t care what Frank said, I will pull the trigger and blow your god damned brains all over this floor. Fuckin’ traitor to human-kind.”

“Ma’am I am a doctor, I have been doing nothing BUT saving lives.” John said staring into her eyes. “I have provided ponification for over four hundred people this month alone.” He said staring at the small pooling of blood, he had in fact been shot. A small round to the shoulder, probably not much bigger than a .22 round. “I am also bleeding somewhat profusely. I would recommend-”

John watched her quickly flip the gun around in her hand, grabbing the gun by the barrel. She quickly struck him in the head with the pistol grip of the gun. “I said SHUT IT.” John’s vision filled with spots, he could hear screaming, and yelling. He heard the sound of objects hitting riot shields. He closed his eyes and lost consciousness.

===

Andrezei got up to the bureau, it had been barricaded off by police. As he walked closer he was stopped by a man in blue nano-weave uniform and a rifle slung across his back. “Sir, no proceeding past this point. We are dealing with a hostile situation, there have been hostages taken and we believe one death so far. Reports from the inside also indicate that the attackers are using improvised explosives.”

 Andrezei’s double appeared. “Water. Explain to them that their explosives will be useless if they trigger the sprinkler system.” His double slapped him on the back. “Now man! They already believe someone has died! TELL THE OFFICER.”

“W-Water. Douse the building. Send in the firemen, turn on the building’s sprinklers, get them wet. DO SOMETHING MORE THAN JUST STAND HERE.” Andrezei screamed at the officer, who just looked him over. “Please, my best friend is in there and I don’t know if he is okay. Just trust me and turn on the sprinklers inside the building.”

The officer looked at him, his helmet’s black visor blocked out any hopes of Andrezei seeing his response, after a short while the officer sighed. “I can’t do that sir. Whatever is going on inside that building is up to the attackers now. If we tried to do what you are requesting, it might mean the death of more innocent people.”

Andrezei threw his hands up in the air and quickly pulled out his own aluminum can. “Fuck the police.” He said angrily throwing the can at the ground and running as fast as possible past the police officer.  He ran past several officers, and he could hear their yelling, but he chose to ignore it. He could hear gun shots being fired from behind him. He felt the burn of a bullet tearing through his ankle, he swore and continued to limp as fast as possible into the building.

===

John came to in a conversion room. A man in camo fatigues and a first-aid kit strapped to his back just stared at him. “Morning doc. Well, actually its like eight in the evening. I am Richard Dickson. I am the Medic on Site for the occasion and I am the one that saved your life. My sister Rebecca didn’t realize that you had been shot until after she noticed you had been bleeding all over the floor when she went to move your unconscious body.”

John could hear his throbbing heart-beat in his ears. “Dickson, Dickson. Name sounds familiar. Did you happen to go to Rome Regional High-School?”

“No.” Richard replied quickly. “I never actually had the chance to attend High-school. I was part of the North-Amerizone military since I was eighteen.” He said looking down at the doctor who said nothing more, just listened and smiled up at him. “I worked in the Medics Corps because my eye sight was too bad to be a sniper, and I had long decided that I didn’t want to be on the front lines.”

“Good thing you did then, you probably just saved my life. Tell me, Why are you here?” John said dusting himself off, Richard extended a hand and helped pull him to a standing position.

“My sister is a head-member of the HLF and she didn’t want to attack this place without me nearby. However in the confusion she didn’t expect for you to get shot. So I was ordered to move you away from the others and treat you personally. Even if you have been doing the dirty work, you are still human.” Richard said shaking the doctor’s hand he was still holding onto.

“I am just waiting for someone. I expect him to be coming through any day now.” John said poking at his shoulder. “Damn, it was a higher caliber than I expected. I am having a tough time moving my arm now.”

“I removed the bullet to the best of my abilities, you might end up with a reduced capability for that arm.” Richard said. “No one came in here with guns chambered for less than 9mm rounds.”

“Good to know.” John said pulling out a revolver from one of the drawers. “Emergency only.” He said leveling the revolver between Richard’s eyes. “Now, I am taking you as a hostage, and I will also be taking back my Bureau.”