[Blazing's Entry]
Well I've been kicked out my home and spent few days sleeping on the floor of my office and showering in the castle gym. That's all over though because I now have my own little flat. It's basically just one room with a storage closet and a bathroom much like the one in the castle. I had to go because somepony else took the coal duty and now Choking jumps around him instead of me. I've never realized how lonely it is without her bugging me all the time.
Thankfully, she often comes to join my lessons and it seems that the recruits enjoy her messing with me even if I can feel the lack of respect from most of them thanks to it. I offered Rising Thunder a chance to join the spear expert (after I found out the castle has got one) training but he refused saying he wanted to keep an eye on me. As long as he doesn't cause pointless problems he can do whatever he likes and it's actually good to have somepony around to show the other recruits how far they can go.
The ex-soldier's name is Solid Steel, a definitely fitting one as he is reliable and his skill with his custom made sword is something to admire. Earthponies usually can't use those because of their lack of grabbing ability but he's got one which locks around his leg and let's him use it. Also, he stopped using his glass eye saying that if nopony is bothered about me then he can use his favourite eyepatch. His hiding skill is also admirable despite him being positively massive. Once he hid inside an upturned weapon crate and kept moving behind other ponies. He must be a blast at parties.
Heavy Hoof bothers me though. The other recruits seem to be having a problem with him and I don't understand why. Hard-working and outgoing as he is, he should have no problems fitting in, so could it be jealousy from others? He might think that the bruises are not visible on his white coat but that is by no means true. It must be something in the barracks because even the guys from my group act alien to him from time to time.
[End Entry]
"We're done for today, guys. Hit the showers or whatever you do," I tell my group when they've finished their final stretching.
They salute and begin shuffling around and talking. I don't mind, it's their free time now.
"You're getting into this, Blaze."
"Mostly thanks to you. If you weren't here almost every day they would have been way less accepting."
"Shush. I'm about as alien to them as you. Remember how you felt when you first saw a batpony?"
She doesn't have to remind me but her message got through. To most of the recruits we are both equally weird. I still mean my thanking her from the bottom of my heart, without her I would have no idea what to do.
"Wanna hit the showers as well?" she offers and no matter how tempting it is I have to refuse as usual.
"Your new office bathroom is too small for two ponies and there's something I want to sort out first."
"Alright, seeya!"
"Have fun, Chokey."
There's something I have serious doubts about showing her for more than one reason and telling her would not be enough. I have to find out something more about my transformation and thanks to listening on my group's conversation during breaks I give them I know who to ask.
"Solid, got a minute?" I interrupt the leaving earthpony.
"Sure thing, sir!" he salutes.
How to begin?
"You... know Rising Thunder, do you?"
"Yeah. He's been guarding cargo transports travelling between griffon border and our mainland for years and we met from time to time."
"So you know about his problem with me."
"Is this bothering you? He's a straight guy and will keep his word about obeying orders."
"No no. I just want to know what exactly is his problem with me, if it isn't too personal."
He thinks about it.
"I'll tell you but you have to promise me you won't tell anypony else. And I'm telling you only because I think he's wrong and you are a good guy."
He's wrong but at the moment I'm so close to a having a clue about myself that even my self-blame for bad weather can't make me admit it.
"You've got my word."
"It's really nothing personal with you. One of his transports was targeted by changelings and since they couldn't take the guards in a fair fight they used magic to control most of them and turn them against each other. It happened close to the fortress I was stationed in meaning the bugs were getting desperate to venture so far outside the forest or badlands. When we got there we found Rising, who managed to kill bugs and ponies indiscriminately to survive for so long that the enemy just took the surviving captives away and left. Don't be too hard on him, sir, a thing like that would scar anypony."
"Bugs?"
"Sorry, sir. Changelings, sir. I didn't mean to offend," he explains nervously, awaiting my reaction.
"What are those?"
"Eh?"
Yea. Time to come clean.
"Let me level with you, Solid. I don't really have a problem with Rising, him helping others with the training taught me more than them. Up until few weeks ago I was just carrying coal around the castle and things would have stayed that way if I didn't have to work real hard to stay alive when targeted by a crazy Royal Guard. Some three months ago I was just a unicorn and by some circumstances I was changed into this. Don't get me wrong though, I wouldn't have survived the two Valiant's attempts on my life if it didn't happen."
I don't understand when he smiles at me.
"I knew a lot of that already, sir. Not the 'changed by magic' part though."
"Huh, how?"
"Your marefriend is a lovable party drunk and a crazy blabbermouth."
"My mare-? Oh, Choking. Take it from me, she's just a friend. Most of the types she hangs out with can't handle her, let's say, unusually direct approach and are scared off. I'm just around to keep her company when she gets tired of one night stands. That's not important though. Can you tell me more about these, changelings was it?"
"As much as I'd like to tell you, there is very little I can say with any kind of certainty. They are just too unknown. From the attack patterns we guess they live somewhere in the Everfree forest and/or the Badlands."
"Attack patterns? Are they hostile?"
"Mostly yes. As far as I know they consider ponies food, raid small outlying villages and take hostages who are never seen again. We can never defend against them in time."
"How come?"
"We call them changelings because they can change their appearance at will and are excellent infiltrators. They usually kidnap one or two villagers, take their memories and replace them. Then they have free access to information needed to take over."
"And they look like me then? I mean how do they really look when they can change appearance so easily?"
"That's the reason we call you-, eh, them bugs. They are smaller than ponies, have blue bug eyes, black chitinous armor covering their entire body and can fly using translucent fly-like wings. At first they don't look like it but they can outdance a pegasus in the air. To make it relate to you, sir, you look just like a unicorn but with their natural armor with pony colors. No offense but it looks weird," he scratches his head and looks at me apologetically.
One thing about what he said caught my attention. Maybe it's the changeling sense or I'm just good at catching these little details.
"You said they are only 'mostly' hostile."
"With all due respect, that is something I don't want to get into. Enough to say that while they all look almost the same there are differences, just like in ponies."
I smile back at him widely.
"I will not ask about the ones who don't bother you and try to live in peace then. Just tell me this - how do they feed without causing damage?"
"Sir?"
"This is important. When I was even newer to this than now I almost killed Chokey by mistake. I felt her life slipping away and I don't want that to happen ever again. I've been able to explore it and control myself since, but if I don't find out more... who knows what could happen?" while I can keep my voice steady, the mist in my eyes can't be stopped.
"And you keep telling yourself she's just a friend," he mumbles loud enough for me to hear it.
Now that is something I, for change, don't want to go into.
"So... anything else?"
"Not really, sir. As I said, they are a big mystery. The hostile ones don't end in a state to talk and the... others keep themselves to themselves and try not to be a bother."
"Well thanks. It kinda helped me get some perspective."
"Don't dig into it too much, sir. It's much more important who you are than what."
Unfortunately that's what I'm afraid. Which one is worse, being useless or being evil?
I let him go, having already wasted enough of his time and notice there is one more pony hanging around trying to look inconspicuous and practicing some of my exercise tips without any real enthusiasm.
"It would be hard to find somepony as dedicated as you, Heavy."
"Hmmm. Thank you, sir."
Wow. He sounds more depressed than me in my normal state.
"Anything bothering you? Perhaps those totally unnoticeable, huge black bruises?"
"I just... had a misunderstanding with some ponies."
"I would assume they ended in the hospital considering your abilities."
"What? No. I wouldn't hurt anypony just for stating the truth."
"And the truth you are talking about would be? And before you begin thinking about some crazy excuse then you should know I just found out I'm a creature who is supposed to eat ponies and that technically I am a bug," I smile at him softly. It is weird finding somepony as ashamed of himself as me without any obvious reason to.
"Well I'm... not as interested in mares as I should be and, well, one evening in the showers it kind of showed. Then they ransacked my things when I was away and found... stuff."
Is 'that' it, really? I try to find the right words.
"Why is being gay bothering you?"
"I'm not normal, mares get away with it thanks to the population disparity but stallions don't have it that easy," he just says flatly, looking at the ground.
"Does that mean you are 'worse' than anypony else? Normal ponies hurt you, laughed at you, I can imagine, and went through your stuff without your consent. Normal is very rarely a compliment."
"You don't understand."
"You have no idea how often I said that to the few ponies who actually tried to. And I was right... they didn't. And I can't understand you right now because I've never been in your position. I mean I'm bi but I was never interesting enough to anypony for it to actually matter. BUT I know somepony who you can talk to."
"Not some Guard psychiatrist, I've had enough of that in the academy."
"Of course not, I'm not a complete idiot. He's the leader of the Nightguard."
"WHAT?!"
"Just come with me and be open as much as possible."
I suppose it dawned on him that there is no way I'm letting this go and he's right. Compared to me he is an excellent pony and I won't let such a minor thing eat him inside.
"Sharp, got a minute?" I ask when he lets us into his office.
"I'm really suspicious about the timeframe but sure," he nods to Heavy Hoof standing behind me and staring at him. I know the feeling.
"Remember the time you visited me in the dungeon with the princess?"
His look begins darting between me and Heavy.
"Hard to forget," he says, uncertain where this is going.
"I hope you don't. This guy has a similar issue and is having hard time because of it. Can you two talk a bit?"
"Come here, kid. This guy was even more scared than you when he first saw me," he waves at Heavy.
"Good times," I say dreamily and leave the office.
Perhaps my short prayer to both princesses will be heard out and things will get better.