Crack Clopfiction: Celestia becomes a toaster and other interesting things.

by CosmicAfro


Chapter 1: Rarity x Washing Machine. "A Full Load."

A Full Load.
Chapter One by Cosmic Afro.
If you have Aquaphobia or Ablutophobia, please skip this chapter.

Rarity couldn’t believe her eyes. Princess Celestia, in a Pone Depot? Whatever could someone such as the princess be doing in a rugged, unclean location such as this? And why was she walking right towards her?

“Good morning, Rarity,” Celestia greeted nodding and smiling warmly as she always did. Her reflective glow and her hair bounced off of the sides of the appliances near-by, giving everything a spectacular aura. One assistant manager was already writing down on large notecards, “Touched by Princess Celestia herself,” for an advertisement ploy.

“Princess, what brings you to Pone Depot? I mean, it’s not that you can’t, but-“

She humbly giggled to herself, unintentionally silencing Rarity. “My house servants had complained about their old machines acting up. While I normally would send someone else to the task, I figured I would come in and surprise them myself.” She waited, staring at her with the raised eyebrows proclaiming, “So, why are you here?”

Rarity turned to the washing machine next to her. “Well, my old machine broke this morning. I don’t know how, but I simply must have forgotten and had some needles in a pocket. They pierced through much of the equipment.” She sighed and admitted, “and the thing was reaching its time anyways.”

“Since we’re both here, why not look for one together?” She leaned her head low and whispered into her ear, “Between you and me, if I get asked by another store clerk if I could use some help I just might give them a discount dungeon visit.”

They both chuckled for a bit until Rarity realized her companion just might have been serious on that offer. They moved on to the next appliance. A Khenmore model, top loader.

“What do you think of this one?” Celestia magically lifted the tag. “Not too expensive, decent features, far better than what they had before.”

Rarity observed the white facing and nodded her head. “It’s a fair model. It’s not as...” Rarity rolled her hoof in front of her, her mind reaching for a phrase she couldn’t quite find. “Well, some of the more expensive models have features perfect for delicate clothes.” Her eyes sparkled as they turned to the end row where the top-of-the-line machines rested. “Isn’t it wonderful?”

Princess Celestia read the price tag to herself. Oh my. Anti-vibration, washer-dryer combo, extra space, ventless, and front loading? This will surely suffice. I can only imagine how it’ll feel to have a huge load inside of me.

“Princess, are you alright? Is it too warm in here? Your face is bright red.”

She shook her head and returned to the tall-shelf reality that was Pone Depot. “Of course. Yes.” She waved down the assistant manager. “Yes, sir? I’ll take two of these.”

“Two, princess?” Rarity looked the tag once more and drooped a bit. “It’s two thousand bits a piece.”

She grinned. “Yes, one to be delivered to Canterlot Castle and the other to my friend’s address.”

Rarity’s heart leapt with joy as well did the rest of her body. “Princess, I simply couldn’t accept such a generous gift.”

“You’ve done many wonderful things for your friends and for me, surely you can accept this one gift from me.” That and I know you have a back-order of clothes that need washing. Oh, yes, an ultra-sized load just swirling inside me. Those needles were the perfect crime. And you’ll never even know about my next one.

“You’re blushing again, Princess.”


The Depot stallion wiped the sweat off of his brow. “Well, ma’am, it’s all installed. Thank yah for your kind patronage at Pone Depot.” He stood up on two legs, bent backwards and popped his spine into place. His unicorn assistant, a familiar shade of dark blue she couldn’t quite place, nodded with a tip of her hat that concealed all of her mane and left as well. Perhaps it is simply the style of Pone Depot employees, long manes could get somepony injured. They hopped into the back of their truck. They knocked on the side twice and the truck revved, slowly taking off.

Rarity stood next to the washer and sighed. “I still don’t feel quite right about accepting this. I simply must make something for her.” Her eyes drifted to the small mountain of clothes in the other room. “But first, I need to use this and get some work done.”

The moment Rarity turned around, Princess Celestia poked her head through the window. She fired a bolt of magic at the machine and felt herself become one with it instantaneously. With the best of her ability, she forced her coloring to the back of the machine so it would remain close to the same white it was in the store.

“Hmm.” The unicorn leaned down and eyed the machine while levitating a pile of clothes beside her. “You know, Princess Celestia has great taste. This machine’s color certainly brightens the room. It almost looks just like her.” She frowned. “I think I just compared our princess to a washing machine…”

She opened the door and began stuffing the clothes inside.

Yes, Rarity, yes. Feed your princess. Put it all in me, I want to feel full.

To Rarity’s surprise, even with the extra size load option, she simply had too much for one wash. She eyed the pile and smiled. “It does cut down on the amount of washes considerably though!”

Rarity pushed in the buttons on the top.

Oh yes, adjust me just how you like it.

The magic began. An unfamiliar sensation began to build up inside of the princess as water flowed into her. It was cold and refreshing, though slightly unpleasant. She felt herself sit there in the cold water’s embrace, cooling her down. Then, something inside of her switched. Something began to churn inside of her, rotating her. She did her best to suppress her moans of excitement as the clothes rubbed along her insides faster and faster.

The mechanisms for the anti-vibration kicked in and her entire body was vibrating in the cool water sensation. Then, bubbles from the soap. She didn’t see Rarity put in the soap, but the bubbles forming inside of her were simply becoming too much. It tickled her in all the right spots as the clothes circled inside of her.

The machine only increased in tempo until it reached its desired momentum. Not wanting to cause any suspicion, should Rarity return, she forced herself from the temptation of increasing the revolutions, no matter how much more she desired of it. The water, however, soon warmed. It wasn’t warm, but it wasn’t cool either. It stimulated her insides so much more as the clothes jiggled around inside.

“Ooh!” Celestia let a moan slip out and as a consequence, water spilled out as well, creating a rather large splashing noise. The princess returned to the cycle, desperately concealing her act. A small white cat walked up to her, delicately walking around the water, and scratched a claw on the front opener door.

“Opal!” her owner walked in and levitated her out of the room. “Ohh, she must have opened the door.” She levitated a mop out of the adjacent room and began to wipe it up. A tingling sensation ran through the princess, as if the water was connected to her somehow. Playing with her wetness below caused a small froth in the machine, a sight she desperately tried to hide behind the swirling mass inside of her. This only made her want it more.

Luna will be here soon. Oooh, hurry.

“Oh my, it seems to be rocking ever so slightly, I hope I didn’t put in too many.” She wiped up more of Celestia’s fluid and furrowed her brow. “if I broke such an expensive gift on the first day, I don’t know what I’d do with myself.”

Celestia couldn’t help it, a pile of bubbles worked its way to the front and the machine turned white on the inside. She startled Rarity, who hopped backwards and nearly slipped on the remaining water.

“Oh! Well, I do suppose this is the first time I’ve ever seen a machine work from the inside. It’s kind of hypnotic.”

Oh, now she’s watching me.

More and more bubbles washed over the clothes. Her inside felt absolutely coated and the water continued to rise in temperature. She was already coming close.

Rarity’s ears perked up as her door bell jingled. “Hello?” The voice was unfamiliar to her, but it was certainly a female customer. “Is there a Ms. Rarity in here? I’m from the Pone Depot.”

“Coming!”

I’m coming too!

“Whatever could they want?” she whispered to herself as she left the laundry room. She walked into the lobby and greeted the blue mare she saw before. “Oh, it’s you. Is there an issue?”

“I’m afraid so. We just got a call from the company and said they discovered a flaw in a few of their pre-“

A resounding boom followed by what surely must have been a tidal wave caused the two to jump.

“Well, that answers that.”

“My goodness!” They both ran back and saw the machine wide open and smoking. Rarity held a hoof to her mouth, suppressing her shock and despair. The soap seemed to form little white hearts, though maybe that was just her imagination acting up.

The unicorn mare tipped her hat once more. “You had a compromised model, I’m afraid. We’ve been working on checking these machines over the last few days and some of the got purchased before we could check ‘em. Bad management on our part.” She slowly shook her head. “Manager’s been out sick, assistant guy’s kind of a greedy commissar. You understand.”

“Oh my, I’m terribly sorry to hear that.” Rarity’s frightened eyes prompted her to continue.

“Don’t worry, miss. We’ve already got a replacement on board, checked and all. We’ll reinstall it right away, free of charge of course.” The unicorn zapped the machine almost effortlessly and it disappeared. She then tipped her hat once more and called in for her fellow employee.

“If only installation was that fast,” Rarity half joked.

“You and me both, Miss.” She politely coughed. “We’re sorry about your clothes.” She scanned the ground. “Want me to help you clean up this mess?”

“No, I can mop it up. Sooner you reinstall the washer, the better.”

“Very well.” The blue unicorn walked out, leaving Rarity and the Pone Depot employee to work for a moment as she hopped back into the truck and walked to the back. She giggled as a very wet and swirly maned Princess Celestia waved at her, hidden behind a pile of boxes from public view.

“So?”

“Amazing. Once the water heated up, I simply felt it all. If you had arrived any moment later-”

Luna smiled and readjusted her hat to keep her long mane from flowing out. She huffed. “I never could master returning this mane back to normal on its own. Keeps going back to its dead giveaway state. So, what’s next after this? I assume you’re far from done.”

Princess Celestia coiled and strained her hair. “Have you ever been a gaming controller?”

“No, I can’t say I have.”

The day princess raised her eyebrows. “Rainbow Dash and Spike are going to have a game night together. Ready to have your buttons pressed?”

“Wait, what’s the name of the console?” Luna asked with unexpected excitement.

“It’s a Wii W.”

She snickered. “Well then, I’m Wii-ly excited!”

“Wow. That was horrible. I hope you didn’t get any Joy from that Stick.”

“Hmm, just a bit.” Luna winked.

Celestia rolled her eyes. “Okay, okay. Toss me the towel, we’ve got work to do.”