“Because I love you, Janice. I always have, and always will,” Nefarious spoke in a voice not his own, but belonging to a rather saucy, suave gentleman.
Everypony in the throne room except for Lawrence wore dumbfounded looks on their faces as they all stared at Nefarious.
“Oh my,” Lawrence stated, “that soap opera reaches all the way out here?”
Celestia was the first to recover. “You’re aware of this...whatever just happened to him, Lawrence?”
“Yes, I am. There are times when a robot can overload and malfunction. This is his way of doing so. Now, if you’ll excuse me a moment.” Lawrence began to approach Nefarious.
Derpy recovered next. Her free eye saw Dash, who was still processing Nefarious’s drastic change.
“What are you doing, Lawrence?” she asked.
Lawrence stopped just in front of Nefarious. “What I’ve been wanting to do ever since we ended up here. This is the best part of my day.”
Lawrence smacked Nefarious hard in his face. As soon as his head jerked to the side, Nefarious could finish his yell, and he was free to move again.
“-AAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!”
Dash finally recovered from her shock only to begin laughing again. Derpy was stifling her giggling with a hoof, while Celestia cracked a small smile.
Nefarious turned and glared at Dash and Derpy. Derpy stopped giggling, but Dash was still having trouble getting her laughter under control. Nefarious decided to ignore her and turned back to Celestia.
“Where is Qwark?! He and I have a score to settle!” Nefarious demanded.
Celestia narrowed her eyes and looked at Nefarious, her smile from earlier turned upside-down in an instant. She could sense the malice Nefarious had for this Captain Qwark creature.
“Doctor Nefarious, I know not what your quarrel is with Qwark, but while you stay in the land of Equestria, you shall NOT bring harm to them or to any of my ponies while you stay here.”
Nefarious pointed a cold metal claw at Celestia. “And what are YOU going to do to stop me, squishy?”
Celestia’s horn glowed, and Nefarious found himself bound in a yellow aura as he was lifted into the air. He tried moving his limbs to reach for the laser pistols in his legs, but found he was completely frozen in place.
“I am the sovereign ruler of these lands, and with that title I bear the responsibility of the many lives within them should a threat come to pass. As you have plainly laid out before me, you fully intend to bring harm to a creature from your world who is under the guidance of my former student, who now happens to be a princess of this fair land. As such, Captain Qwark is a sovereign guest of these lands, so should you bring harm to him, you WILL be seen as a threat to the land of Equestria.”
Nefarious, unable to move or even speak, could only listen to Celestia’s warning and stare at her with cold, furious red eyes. In less than two seconds, he was caught off-guard and easily outmatched, and quickly realized that his vengeance on Qwark would have to wait. If he continued his resistance like this, that royal squishy would tear him into nothing but a head and a pile of scrap metal.
While Derpy and Dash were looking at Nefarious with mild amusement present on their faces, Lawrence was busy analyzing the magical hold Celestia had on Nefarious. He noted that her horn glowed the same color as the aura around Nefarious, and easily deduced that was the conduit through which she was able to control him. During her explanation of the land of Equestria, she had described the use of magic to him, and how unicorns and alicorns were the only ones prominently capable of doing so through their horns. Lawrence didn’t quite understand that as she did not demonstrate it to him, but now he did...and he realized that while they come from a world of technological superiority, they have only done so because they lacked the usefulness of magic.
Nefarious felt the magical hold on him loosen slightly, enough for him to move his mouth. Princess Celestia asked, “Do you understand my warning?”
“I do, squishy. Now, PUT ME DOWN!”
“My name is Princess Celestia, Nefarious. I’m honoring you by calling you by your name, and I would hope that you do the same.”
Nefarious scoffed. “Your hope is in vain, squishy! I only give that honor to those that annoy me enough...or in one case, where they have a worse name than ‘squishy.’”
“Sir, do pardon my interruption, but shouldn’t you consider that you being immobilized would qualify as an annoyance?” Lawrence chimed in before Celestia could respond.
Nefarious thought about it for a moment and realized that WAS annoying. Thinking further, he realized he was highly annoyed by Rainbow Dash the entire time he argued with her as well. Maybe he should call her by-no, that’s too many names. Plus, she already hates being called a squishy.
“Thank you, Lawrence. Very well, Celestia, I will heed your warning,” Nefarious bitterly spoke.
Celestia finally relinquished her grasp on Nefarious, who fell from the air and landed on his feet, only for him to slip since the floor was still wet. Nefarious just grumbled and rose to his feet, instead posing a rather obvious question to Celestia.
“So...if I’m not allowed to exact vengeance on Qwark, what AM I supposed to do?”
--------------------
“Twilight, I’m not so sure going to this place run by a rare pony is such a good idea. You even told me they stud everything with gems! Do I look like a gem-wearing person to you?”
Twilight sighed. “Qwark, her name is Rarity, and she doesn’t put gems on everything she designs.” Twilight paused for a moment, then came to a small admission. “Although she does put gems on most of her designs…”
Qwark shook his head. “Twilight, I refuse to wear any clothing she has if all they have is gems on them. I’m a masculine hero, you know. I need something to show off my chiseled physique.” He immediately struck a pose to make that point more apparent.
“Well, I hope she has some designs that will work for you...if they even fit.”
“What was that?” Qwark asked, having heard her mumble something at the end.
“N-Nothing, Qwark. Look, we’re here!” Twilight nervously pointed a hoof towards a large Carousel-themed building.
“Ah, so that’s why it’s called the Carousel Boutique. It looks like one!” Qwark exclaimed, thinking he said something intelligent.
Twilight decided to ignore Qwark. It was saving her from earning any more headaches as they approached the door.
Thankfully, the door was large enough for Qwark to enter without needing a teleport inside. Twilight pushed the door open and ushered the green superhero inside.
It just dawned on her why Qwark was right about this being a bad idea as soon as Rarity noticed them enter.
“Well, hello Twili-AAAAAAAAAUGH! What is that...that...creature WEARING?!”
Twilight sighed. “Rarity, this creature is a superhero called Captain Qwark.”
Qwark gave Rarity an offended look. “Hey, I’ll have you know this outfit took me two years of seamster classes to get right! Do you have ANY idea how much time I’ve spent making spandex for this?”
Rarity paused. This creature knows how to be a tailor? And it made THAT?! Ugh, what a horrid color!
...but she didn’t want to be offensive to Qwark, especially if they’re a guest of Twilight. Rarity would have to ask her what this was all about later.
“But that’s not why I’m here,” Qwark continued. “I’m told you own quite a selection of outfits and-”
Rarity’s eyes lit up, and she didn’t hesitate. “Why, YES darling, of course I do! Just give me a moment to find a few things.”
In an instant, Rarity dashed off into the back, where she could be heard ruffling through something back there.
Meanwhile, Qwark was slightly baffled. “Twilight, does she even have outfits that are my size?”
She shrugged. “Rarity’s had all sorts of new clientele that aren’t ponies this past month. Last I heard she was working on a griffon ensemble, so she may have something for you.”
Rarity came back with a rack filled with costumes and was magically levitating a screen over and placing it in front of Qwark.
“Alright, I found a few things that might work. Now, to get you out of that costume!”
Twilight could hear Qwark grunting, fidgeting, and at one point screaming as Rarity tangled with him behind the screen. However, due to the screen, all she could see was a small grey cloud just above the top of the screen.
Spike came out from a side room holding a stack of various colors of cloth and noticed Twilight.
“Hey Twilight! What’s all the commotion?”
“OUCH! Watch where you’re putting your hooves, missie!” Qwark complained as he felt her finally slip something on, but was unable to see it in the cloud of chaos she conjured.
“Stop resisting me, Qwark! The sooner you do that, the sooner I can finish!” Rarity retorted.
Twilight shook her head. “Qwark’s trying on some new outfits, Spike.”
“Oh man, THIS I gotta see!” He wore a mischievous grin as he set the cloth down on a table, then stood next to Twilight.
“Aaaaaaand done!” Rarity exclaimed as she moved the screen out of the way and joined Twilight and Spike in marveling her work.
Twilight’s eyes were wide open in shock, as were Spike’s at that time. Rarity’s eyes were wide open as soon as she saw her work, and it was the same look as the other two.
Qwark was wearing a pink mask and gloves, shining white shoes with a pink dot on the side of the shoe, and a frilly pink tutu with a large pink sapphire on the back of it. Qwark made a heroic pose as Rarity pulled the screen away, his back turned to them as he flexed his arms out to the sides.
“Well, girls? How do I look?” Qwark asked.
Spike doubled over in laughter as soon as his shock wore off first. Qwark heard it and turned around, seeing Spike rolling around on the floor, while the mares still held shock-filled faces.
Qwark was confused. “What? Was there something on my back?” He turned his head to look behind him, and the first thing that caught his eye was the sapphire.
He turned back with an angry look. “Twilight, I told you I don’t wear things with GEMS in them! What part of that didn’t you understand?”
Both Twilight and Rarity’s jaws dropped to the floor, while Spike’s laugher only got louder. The GEM was the only thing he noticed was wrong?! Was he not aware of how girly he looked?!
Qwark held a dismissive look. “Rarity, next outfit please. And no gems this time.”
That line was enough to shake Rarity out of her stupor. “O-Of course, darling. Let me find...something different then.” She quickly buried her head in the clothes rack she brought and looked for another outfit.
Meanwhile, the sight of Qwark in a tutu was burned into Twilight’s retinas. The memory of him NOT being embarrassed in the slightest at wearing it was etched into her mind as Rarity frantically sought out something, ANYTHING else to change what she just put on him.
------------------------
“I can’t believe this!” Nefarious yelled in frustration.
Nefarious, Lawrence, Derpy, and Rainbow Dash all left through the main door of the castle. Celestia had decided to send Nefarious off to Ponyville to negotiate a truce with Qwark. Nefarious refused immediately, but she had threatened him with imprisonment in Canterlot’s dungeon if he continued to put up any further resistance. He begrudgingly accepted, thinking that some freedom was better than none at all.
“It could have gone worse, sir. She could have decided to imprison us both, and we both know how well something like that went last time,” Lawrence stated.
Nefarious groaned. The memory of him stranded on an asteroid with Lawrence resurfaced at that moment. He was NOT keen on repeating something like that ever again. But still, making a truce with that imbecile Qwark?! She might as well have asked him to shake hands with that cyclopic monkey Qwark had in his meddlesome Q-Force! AND offer that monkey a banana while he was at it!
...not that he saw much difference between the two of them, now that he thought about it.
Nefarious crossed his arms. “I still think she’s sending us off on a fool’s errand.”
Dash interjected. “Hey, if Princess Celestia thinks this will work, you HAVE to give it a shot. She’s usually very knowledgeable about these sorts of things.”
“Nobody asked YOU for your opinion, squishy!” Nefarious angrily pointed a claw at her.
“Didn’t have to,” -Dash smirked- “I usually give it out freely anyway. Plus, Celestia tasked us to watch you two, remember?”
“Yep!” Derpy chimed in. “She wants us to make sure you two don’t cause any trouble while you’re out making peace!”
Ugh, that was another thing Celestia did. In order to ensure he wouldn’t deviate, she had assigned Derpy and the blue squishy as temporary sentinels to oversee the two robots as they left Canterlot to go to Ponyville.
Flying wasn’t an option this time, as Lawrence didn’t have any flight capabilities. However, Nefarious had an idea.
“Lawrence, does your teleporter still work?”
He checked his arm, then looked back at Nefarious. “It’s still functional, sir. However, my communicator appears to be broken. Must have been from my crash landing. My apologies.”
Nefarious gritted his metal jaw. With Lawrence’s communicator broken, he can’t contact him and vice versa. However, a functioning teleporter was good enough for now. That would afford them the ability to travel great distances without needing to use the vehicles that the squishies likely operated here.
However, they didn’t know the location of this town called Ponyville. Dash helpfully pointed out where the town was, so Lawrence made some calculations in a fraction of a second to find some relative coordinates to place them outside the town.
“Destination is set.”
“Then let’s not waste any more time. Teleport us there.”
“Right away, sir.”
Lawrence pushed a button on his arm, and in an instant the world warped and distorted around them. One moment they were in front of Canterlot Castle, and the next they were on a dirt road a short distance away from Ponyville.
Rainbow Dash and Derpy were both very confused. The teleportation they were familiar with usually involved a flash of light, then reappearing somewhere else. Not this strange world-distorting magic...or was it they who were distorted and warped while being teleported? It hurt their heads thinking about it.
Nefarious and Lawrence were unfazed, however. They had used it multiple times and had gotten used to the effects, but Nefarious chuckled as he looked at the ponies, who seemed a bit dazed.
“What’s the matter, squishy? First time teleporting?” He prodded at Dash.
“NO!” she retorted while shaking her head to clear her mind. “This was just different, is all.”
“I take it you have your own manner of teleporting then, miss?” Lawrence asked.
“Not me personally, but one of my friends is really good at magic, and she’s done it many times. It usually looks a bit more awesome though since there’s always a bright flash when she disappears and reappears,” Dash elaborated.
A bright flash? Nefarious thought that was ridiculous. That wasn’t even remotely CLOSE to being subtle!
He had always enjoyed the lack of any detectable effects from their way of teleporting. It made it seem less gaudy, but more importantly it helped whenever he and Lawrence needed to infiltrate a location without being spotted, usually to pilfer dangerous weapons technology...or in one case, a bank just to acquire funding for his space station.
“Well then, now that we’re here, it’s time to find Qwark so we can get this over with!” Nefarious said as he began stomping towards the town, walking off the dirt path and into a small field of flowers along the way.
Rainbow Dash sighed. “I sure hope the Princess is right and this all works out.”
Lawrence seemed confident. “I’m sure Doctor Nefarious will find some way to make it work. He always makes me work whenever he’s planning something diabolical, and since that’s not the ca-”
“LAWRENCE!” Nefarious called out from a good distance ahead of Lawrence and the two ponies.
Lawrence sighed. “Coming, sir! Ponies, if you’ll excuse me.” Lawrence shuffled off toward Nefarious, leaving the two ponies behind.
Derpy and Rainbow Dash exchanged looks of concern before flying to catch up with the two robots. If Lawrence’s statement was true, something bad was about to happen, and they would need to be there to prevent it if they could.
--------------------
Qwark was now posing in a clean black and grey business suit with gold trim on the cuffs, complete with a black tie, a white dress shirt, and formal black dress pants. He was still wearing his green mask and gloves, but everything else about him looked very formal and dashing. It reminded Qwark of his Galactic President uniform, minus the gold Qwark symbol he would have had pinned on his chest.
“Wow, that actually looks incredible!” Spike was in amazement, somewhat jealous that he didn’t have a suit like that. He made a mental note to ask Rarity to make one for him later.
Twilight simply nodded her head in agreement. Her mind was still reeling a bit from the tutu, even though Qwark had tried on ten different outfits since then. He really seemed to like the tropical outfit Rarity put on him, although Twilight wondered where Rarity had gone to get such inspiration for that floral design on the shirt.
Rarity was also quiet, instead opting to have Spike offer commentary. Having a male give his opinion on a male’s outfit seemed rather fitting, and her commentary would be useless since she thought all of the outfits she picked looked fabulous on him...besides the tutu, of course. She didn’t know how that got on the clothes rack anyway.
In the end, Qwark had picked the tropic outfit and the suit, but for some reason he insisted that she find him more feminine outfits as well. Rarity asked why, and he said such outfits had let him commit superheroic actions under the nose of some of the galaxy’s most devious villains.
“I don’t question the tastes of my foes if it gets me in through the front door!” he proudly declared.
Neither mare dared question Qwark further after that, figuring that if he had no shame in wearing a tutu, he wouldn’t be embarrassed wearing feminine outfits, either. Rarity promised she would find some for him later, but for now she had to resume work for another client.
Qwark, Spike, and Twilight left the store.
“Sheesh, Twilight, you didn’t tell me she would be so rough!” Qwark said, walking out in his regular superhero costume. He had earned a few bruises from her hooves trying to get some of the tighter outfits to fit on him.
“I forgot that she tends to get forceful like that. Sorry, Qwark,” Twilight apologized.
“It’s fine, I’ve tangled with worse. Have you tried fending off a hungry war grok on a tiny chunk of rock in space?”
“Uh…” Twilight wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that, so she tried a generic response. “No...but it sounds dangerous!”
“That it was, Twilight…” Qwark sniffed.
Twilight tilted her head. “Qwark?”
“Sorry, just got something in my eye.” -Qwark rubbed his eye- “I just miss my little Snowball.”
Twilight was about to ask what he meant by that when all of a sudden Spike belched a gout of emerald flame. A scroll materialized from it, and Twilight grabbed it in a levitating cloud of magic.
Qwark stopped rubbing his eye and noticed the scroll. “Twilight, what is that?”
“A letter from Princess Celestia. I had sent one to her earlier to tell her of your presence here.”
Qwark frowned. “Twilight, if you wanted me to send a letter to a distant fan, I could have done that.”
Twilight frowned back. “Qwark, this is serious. Someone like you hasn’t shown up in Equestria before...ever. First contact protocol states that the rulers must be made aware of new creatures that are not native to the land of Equestria. Normally, they would also be one of the first to initiate contact as well if possible, but she sent a letter instead.”
Twilight blinked as her mind processed her own words. Why did Celestia only send a letter instead of coming as soon as possible? Twilight expected a hastier response as well, but an hour had passed since she had sent the letter, and dragonfire delivery doesn’t take more than a few minutes, at best.
“Oh, alright. So, do I finally get to meet your leader? Is that letter announcing their arrival?” Qwark started to look himself over, making sure he looked presentable.
Qwark’s voice snapped Twilight out of her thoughts, but her response was quick. “I’m not sure, but I would hope so!” Twilight opened the scroll and held it up to her face, and began to read it out loud.
“Princess Twilight Sparkle,
I am glad to hear that first contact with this Captain Qwark you mentioned has gone well enough for you to take him on a tour of Ponyville.
However, I too have also had my own first contact with two creatures called ‘robots.’ Both of them seem to know Captain Qwark. If he is with you, tell them their names are Lawrence and-”
“Doctor Nefarious,” Qwark finished, gritting his teeth. “I should have known that bucket of bolts would survive his landing!”
“You know them both?” Twilight asked.
“Know them? They tried to kill me, Twilight! Twice...no, wait. Was it three times?” Qwark tilted his head, trying to find the right number as he began counting on his hands.
Qwark was very preoccupied with counting now, so Twilight continued the letter, saving her questions about his near-deaths for later.
“Lawrence has informed me that Nefarious is a reformed supervillain. However, he still seems to harbor ill will towards Captain Qwark. Due to Nefarious’s antagonistic nature, I have sent him and Lawrence off to Ponyville so that they may talk and negotiate a truce. Both robots are under the watchful eyes of Derpy and Rainbow Dash, as I have made them sentinels and escorts for the duration of these negotiations.
I ask of you to oversee the peace negotiations between these outsiders. Be careful, Twilight. I had to subdue Nefarious once within my castle walls in order to ensure his compliance. Do not be afraid to do the same should things get out of hoof.
Should the negotiations go well, I wish to hear a full report on the matters they have discussed.
Your former teacher,
Princess Celestia.”
Twilight finished, and Qwark had stopped counting. Despite him counting his three digits multiple times, he still didn’t know whether it was two or three times he had almost been killed by Nefarious. He leaned towards three, just to be safe.
“So, your ruler Saladia forced Nefarious into peace negotiations with me?” Qwark asked.
“Celestia. Also, it sounds like that’s how things went over in Canterlot, and she wants me to keep an eye on things in her stead.”
“I wonder why here, though? This isn’t exactly the ideal location to hold a peace talk,” Spike added.
“Maybe it’s due to this town being a more...down to earth place?” Qwark wondered aloud, not sure if it made sense.
However, it made sense to Twilight. Considering Celestia had to control Nefarious in her own castle, hosting negotiations there would put unwanted pressure on them. Out here, there were more level grounds to discuss terms...and should things get out of control, Twilight was certain she would be able to handle it.
Just then, her train of thought was broken as Qwark screamed and ducked.
A reddish-orange beam had pierced the spot where Qwark was once standing and hit the side of Rarity’s boutique, leaving a scorch mark on the wall.
Twilight’s eyes traced the beam over to a metallic blue bipedal creature, who was holding an arm out with something in its hand. Twilight didn’t need to think twice about the fact that whatever the creature was holding was dangerous enough to have Qwark dodge the shot that came from it.
“QWARK!” the blue creature shouted as it moved forward.
Qwark recognized the sound of the voice, and stood up to look at the creature that called his name, pulling out his blaster as he rose and aiming it at the blue robot.
“Doctor Nefarious!”