Behind the Gypsy's Veil

by Gypsy


The Birds, Bees, And The Ponies


   Waking up as a pony is very dissatisfying for a couple of reasons. One, I have no fingers which I really, really liked. 

   Two, my height is down to three feet from 5"6 so now I'm not tall. 

   Three, since I'm a pony and now have four legs I can't properly defend myself like I could if I had my hands (there goes four years of tae-kwon-doe).

    Four, I was very comfortable being a human and now I have to learn how to be a pony.

    And finally five. My clothes doesn’t fit me anymore and if I haven't mentioned before I really love clothes, I mean a lot (How much you ask? So much I'd prefer clothes over women) and knowing that my clothes that I've spent over a thousand dollars on doesn’t fit me anymore gets me so pissed that I want to know why I was turned into a pony and even more so because I realized that I had my ipod that's full of ponies and more specifically the show. I wouldn't even know truly how'd they react to them being in a show made for MANLY MEN and everyone else. That, and I want my iPod for my music that I deeply love. 

   So after about thirty minutes of trying to walk/trot I barely got the hang of it. I opened the door leading outside, trying as hard not to look embarrassed being naked, when I got outside I was met with none other than Mr. ”Don’t talk to me thing" Captain of the guard Knight Fall  still giving me a glare, I still don't know why. 

   He looked at me and said "I'm here to take you to Princess Celestia" in such a dry tone it almost sounded as if he was forcing himself to talk to me and judging by the looks of it, I think I just insulted his species by being a pony and I honestly feel like I did. 

   He led me through the double doors leading to throne room seeing Celestia talking with a bunch of ponies roughly five or six , I didn't bother counting,  sitting at a round table. 

   Celestia saw me coming through the doors gleaming with joy and told me to sit at one of the empty chairs and I sat and everyone looked at me with expecting eyes and I looked at Celestia. "I don't like being put on the spot you know." Murmurs were heard throughout making me even more nervous.

   Celestia smiled. "Sorry, but this meeting is about you." 

   "About me? For what?" 

   "We're here to make you a permanent resident!" 

   "Uhm okay, thank you I guess. Why though?" 

   "Well we can't have somepony living without proper papers and an identity."

   "Ah, I see. Where do we start?"

   "Okay then let's begin, Brimstone you may ask the questions needed." 

   Brimstone looked at me as well as all the other ponies there. "How old are you?" 

"25 in human years" They all looked at me with confused faces. 

   "Uh how long do these humans live up to?" 

   "Well average we go up to eighty but we have been known to pass ninety and a hundred."

   "Ah okay so 25 it is, next thing is date of birth?"

   "August twenty-seven, nineteen-ninety-four." Again confused faces. 

   "nineteen-ninety-four? Princess how do we..." 

   "Just subtract todays current year by twenty-five." 

   "Thank you Princess...Alright Shade Sky your turn." 

   After constant questions from the ponies they all left with papers filled with my new information some information having to be made up like where I was born I then remembered why I actually followed Knight Fall here as the door closed shut leaving only Celestia, Knight Fall and me.

   I tapped Celestia on the leg to ask a question and to see what Knight Fall would do (he glared daggers) Celestia looked down at me "Hm?" 

   "Hey Celestia-" Knight Fall interrupted me.

   "That's Princess Celestia to you." I looked at him.

    "Hey Knight speak when spoken too yeah?" he looked at me with such hate ready to beat me down at any moment luckily Celestia intervened.

   "Excuse us captain we must speak in private." 

   "Yes Princess, I'll be outside the door just in case." 

   "No need I'll be fine, you can take the day off as well. You seem stressed and that's an order, no arguing." 

   "Yes...Yes Princess" and with that he left.

   "So what is it you wish to talk about, although I do have a clue as to what that is." Celestia let out a small smirk.

   "Yeah, why the hell am I pony?"

   "Well easy Luna and I changed you while you were sleeping."

   "Why?!" I said louder 

   "No need to shout, we changed you because I didn't want you to feel awkward and knowing that everypony would stay away from someone so foreign, as was the case my pupil Twilight and her friends had with one such zebra, plus how else are you going to mate." 

   "Ah, I see okay then mind also explaining why I didn't ha- excuse me? Mate?" 

   "WELL OF COURSE! Mating you know, birds and the bees, surely your species-" I cut her off, I'm not going into this whatsoever.

   "Yes I know what it means, why would you think I'd be so willing to have...ahem...Intercourse with another pony?" 

   "Well because what if you fell in love with one of my little ponies, and you were still human? I don't think our species would be able to have foals." 

   "What would make you think that I would find a pony attractive? Let alone them be attracted to me?" 

   "Personality my dear, we ponies aren't so judgmental on looks, we see beyond that and see the person inside, how they walk and talk basically."

   "Walk and talk? You mean walk as in how they handle themselves, hygiene, etiquette and what not and by talk you mean  the way they literally talk, please and thank you, respectful never vulgar?" 

   "Pretty much, from what I've seen and heard you’re not that bad and by the looks of you I might want to borrow you someday." she added with a giggle and a wink which got me nervous.

    "I still won't fall in love I had enough love from my ex-wife so no thank you!" 

   "We'll see about that"

   "I'm sure we will, now one last question. Where are my clothes I have very valuable things that mean a lot to me and don't want anyone-" 

   "Anypony" she corrected (even though spell checker says differently)

   "-ANYONE-" I shot back (I won't give in damn it!) 

   "-touching my things it's imperative that no one does."

   "Ah yes your clothes and possesions, I sent to Twilight Sparkle for her to hold until you move in with her." 

   "Moving in with Twilight, meh alright." 

   "Ooo, what no objection or anything? Sounds like you would love to move in with her, huh, Eager Mc Beaver?" 

   "HEY! Shut up that's not what I meant!" 

   "Mmhmm" 

   "Pfft whatever, you're too fixated on this. When am I leaving anyways?" 

   "Right now, since you have nothing better to do around the castle, I'll have the captain fly you over there." 

   "Huh how is Knight Fall going to fly me over to Ponyville?" 

   "Not Knight Fall, he's captain of the earth pony guards in my castle, the captain I'm sending you with is captain of the pegasi guards, her name is Vale." 

   "Alight then I'm ready to go, I'm getting really bored, real fast." I hate talking.

   "Not to worry she's already here." As she said that a knock on the door was heard, the doors open revealing a misty blue Pegasus with a yellow mane and tail with zig-zag lines of blue.

    "Sooo where's the hairless monkey Knight Fall been complaining about?!"

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