Previously on Like a Boss:
Twilight enters the Sugar Cube Corner basement, only to find Pinkie and the Cake family... playing video games?
“Huh,” Twilight said, which was something she quite frequently said, seeing how she was a veritable treasure-trove of pithy responses to absurd situations.
“…So,” Pinkie said, as if finding her and her surrogate family videogaming in the basement was a normal, everyday occurence, because for Pinkie it was, because if the rest of the world was radio and micro waves, Pinkie was gamma-rays: Extremely high energy and on a totally different wavelength from everypony else, “you gonna join us or what?” As she asked this, her character in the game attacked a Doritos-flavored taco with sour cream, as if she was really firing globules of… something else white.
“Well, um,” Twilight started like Windows 98 after you messed it majorly up, that is to say, in Safe Mode, “I’d… really, I’d love to, but the main reasons I came downstairs were to make sure there was no wanton and implausible torture going on down here, and because I want a cup of tea to help wake me up, though I feel pretty awake right now, because if finding your family downstairs was a telecommunications relay, then I must have just gotten a wake-up call.”
“Sooo, you’re saying you want a cup of wanna-be wish-it-was Joe, a faux liquid heaven?”
Twilight harrumphed, a splash of discontent in a sea of gaming-induced euphoria. “Do NOT belittle tea like that, because everypony who’s anypony knows it kicks coffee’s figurative butt around the block and back. But yes, I would like a cup of it.”
Ohhhhh, well then, why didn’t you say so?” Pinkie asked in a singsong voice, fully cognizant of the fact that that line is overused, like your mom, who I’m sure is actually a very nice person.
“I did say so, Pinkie,” Twilight said slowly through clenched teeth, before remembering Cadance’s stress relieving technique she had taught her (not as effective as sinking the pink raft (if you know what I mean), but much more socially acceptable to do in public) like Equestria remembers its veterans on Veterans’ Day. “So please, before I do something rash, like contemplate how we are but specks of dust in an uncaring sandstorm of life and death, or not use figurative language in a sentence, please get me my damn tea.”
“Okay, I’ll fetch your tea! Woof, woof!”
Like a rabbit (which apparently thought it was a dog) doped up on powdered cocaine, Pinkie hopped up to the ground floor to procur some tea, with Twilight trailing behind her, her hooves *click clock clip clop*ing up the stairs. By the time Twilight had reached the landing, Pinkie had already produced a cup of मसाला चा, or masala chai tea, and set it on the counter, the way fate sets us on our path toward death.
The moment of truth had arrived like an anxiously awaited DerpyMail© package. Her Royal Majesty Alicorn Princess Twilight Sparkle the Second of Equestria took a sip, and everything else fell away, for the tea was amazing, a whirlpool of exotic flavors spun into bliss. Twilight salaciously wrapped her lips around the savory taste as if the savory taste was horse penis, and she a prostitute (her lips would still be lips in this scenario.). This was heaven; this was paradise; this was finally getting her morning tea, and most importantly, this was her no longer having a latent desire to do something she would later regret to ponies she didn't like. At last, Twilight was as happy as a clam, because Twilight Sparkle had her tea.
Launched into a state of higher consciousness by this ambrosia, Twilight ascended to a new plain of knowing. She considered for a moment how fantastically fantastic so many days of her life were, as if she was simply a series of words which together made up a fan interpretation of an alien children's moving picture comic. She chuckled under her breath at the outlandish idea, shaking her head softly as if a senile metronome. She lapped up her tea like a cat and promptly brushed away the absurd thought.