Dear Twilight Sparkle:
Ah, Hearth's Warming Eve. The time of year when we celebrate the unification of the three pony tribes and founding of Equestria. Kind of sucks that we never get the whole story.
For example, you know that part about how fires of friendship warmed up the ponies? Well... it wasn't entirely accurate. True, the windigoes really don't like heat. And yes, Clover the Clever, Smart Cookie, and Private Pansy did become friends just as they were about to freeze to death. However, as they lay in that cave, doomed to a frosty death, they decided to go out with a bang... or, more accurately, banging.
As it turns out, while windigoes are averse to heat, they are even more averse to orgies. So, not only did the actions of those three brave ponies warm them up enough to survive, it so thoroughly traumatized the windigoes that they ended up flying off screaming towards the north pole, never to be seen again.
Of course, what interest me the most tonight is that you speak of “democracy.” Truly a horrific idea, if you ask me. After all, if we had democracy, ponies might get to have a say in the affairs of my government! They could vote for fair worker treatment, or for ending our military presence in the diamond dog deserts, or for me to cut down on my consumption of cake! I'm so glad we live in a solar dictatorship.
But what you might be surprised to know is that I already know of the nation you speak of.
No doubt you remember my earlier letter on how much I love genocide? The nation you speak of was composed of those bald apes who were notably unable to agree upon anything and were too stupid to try. Luna and I realized what a terrible waste of space they were, and banished them to the frigid icelands north of Equestria, forever freeing the world of the terrors of democracy.
Come to think of it, there are a lot of things frozen up there. Aside from those windigoes who are too freaked out to ever invade us again, there's at least one lost empire, some of those extinct hairy elephants, and Luna's boyfriend.
I really hope those dumb apes didn't get a chance to meet him.
Your Proud Nationalist former teacher, Princess Celestia.
P.S.: Remember, Big Sister is watching you.
My dearest sister:
Sombra was NOT our fucking boyfriend!
Thy angry sister, Luna.