//------------------------------// // Queen of the Monsters // Story: Crisis of Infinite Twilights // by defender2222 //------------------------------// "Most honorable grumpy goat-fish?" Sparkle-san said softly, moving so that she was standing next to the god of the sea. Tydal rolled his eyes; he really wished this new Twilight would learn his name. He'd told her it ten times already but she still insisted on calling him by that strange title. It didn't help his mood at all that Twiely giggled every time Sparkle-san called him a 'grumpy goat-fish'. Sometimes Tydal wondered why he didn't just rain ten plagues upon them all and be done with it. "Yes?" "I am wondering about wisdom of having little Loo-kun guide us. She is very excitable in my realm and not one I would consider to lead expedition of grave importance." "Hey!" Twiley shouted, sticking up for her friend. "Scootaloo could so too be an awesome leader! She's a Cutie Mark Crusader and that means she, like me and Applebloom and Sweetie Belle, is hard working and dedicated and focused and-hey, a frozen banana stand!" Twiley began to hop up and down in delight. "Scootaloo, we should try selling frozen bananas; maybe then we'll get our cutie marks! Every pony loves frozen bananas... especially when you are lying in a hammock! Yeah, that is the best!" Twiley let out a gasp. "That's it! We'll use that as part of the name for our shop! CUTIE MARK BANANA HAMMOCKS! YEAH!" "I will buy 20!" Cadence proclaimed. "And who would you suggest?" Shining asked while Tydal did his best to explain to the excitable filly why selling bananas, hammocked or not, was not the best idea. "The normal guides for epic quest," Sparkle-san said as if it were obvious. "A tiny talking mosquito, an enchanted elder tree, or an ancient pervert monk." "Well, I'm a pervert and Tydal is ancient," Cadence said as she skipped along the road. "I mean, I did try and buy 20 banana hammocks from a filly, so that is pretty bad. Aunt Luna, you are celibate like a monk, so that's pretty close." "I'm not celibate!" Luna complained. "I have a baby and everything!" Baby Twilight nodded her head in agreement. "From another dimension," Spike reminded her. "That doesn't really count." "It so too does! And... and I've had plenty of coltfriends! Like George... Glass." Shining sighed. "Princess Luna, you have to stop this. There is no George Glass." ~Meanwhile, back in Canterlot...~ "I am afraid Princess Luna was called away on a sudden trip," the royal assistants Pomp and Circumstance stated in unison. "Oh, how dreadful," George Glass said with a said sigh. He was a tall blond stallion who kinda looked like Mathew from 'Downton Abbey' if you squinted but totally wasn't for legal reasons (please don't sue me, producers of Downton Abbey). A box of Luna's favorite chocolates was resting on his back and he had tickets to the lasted Canterlot musical ('Colts and Dolls') in his pocket. "I was hoping we could take a carriage ride-" "George!" a unicorn mare who kinda, sort-of looked like Lady Mary from 'Downton Abbey' but wasn't (again, for legal reasons) called out from the far end of the hall. "George, are you there? I wish to be passive-aggressive with you then get confused when you become annoyed with my frigid ways." "I'm not here!" George Glass said in a panic, hiding behind a fern plant. ~MC~MC~MC~ Luna shrugged. "The reason we are having little Scootaloo lead us is that she is the only one that can detect you Twilights." Sparkle-san shook her head in annoyance. "I am still thinking this is quite silly!" "Yes..." Cadence said, "about as silly as an alien monkey-man defeating other aliens, all of whom happen to have punny names, with martial arts." "...I retract my previous statement." Sparkle-san scraped her hoof against the sidewalk and blushing. "Loo-kun, a thousand apologies. I will create many folded paper swans as penance." "Uh... I'm good, thanks," Scootaloo stated. Tydal scoffed. "One live swan would be better... preferably between two sesame seed buns." Tydal licked his lips. "Two swan patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, onion on a sesame seed bun..." "Are you sensing anything, Scootaloo?" Twiley asked. Scootaloo nodded her head. "Yeah, getting at least two more Twilights in that direction. One of them is really weird, though." "What do you mean?" Shining asked. "Well... Baby Twilight gives off a different feeling than the other Twilights. Same as with Delirium." "Are you saying you sense another chaos-using Twilight?" Spike asked nervously. "I hope so!" Luna said with glee. "I want another song and dance number." She reached over and grabbed a baseball cap and placed it backwards on Tydal's head. "Come on, let's do this!" Luna (very soulful) I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed Get along with the voices inside of my head You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy Well, that's nothing Well, that's nothing Tydal (to the shock of the others, begins to rap) Now, I ain't much of a poet but I know somebody once told me To seize the moment and don't squander it 'Cause you never know when it all could be over tomorrow So I keep conjuring, sometimes I wonder where these thoughts spawn from Spike Yeah, pondering'll do you wonders. No wonder you're losing your mind the way it wanders. Baby Twilight Yo-lo-lo-lo-yee-whoo Tydal I think it been wandering off down yonder And stumbled on 'ta Discordin' 'Cause I need an interventionist To intervene between me and this monster And save me from myself and all this conflict 'Cause the very thing that I love's killing me and I can't conquer it My OCD's conking me in the head Keep knocking, nobody's home, I'm sleepwalking I'm just relaying what the voice in my head's saying Don't shoot the messenger, I'm just friends with the Luna I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed Get along with the voices inside of my head You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy Well, that's nothing Well, that's nothing The others stared at Luna and Tydal as they finished up. "Well..." Shining said, "that happened." "There are more that use most dishonorable chaos chi?" Sparkle-san asked in shock. "Yes," Scootaloo said, her brow scrunched up, "but I'm not sensing chaos magic. Its something else... something... I guess the best word would be 'outrageous'." "...try again," Shining said calmly. "But it is outrageous!" Scootaloo complained. Spike considered this carefully. "Ok, so on a scale of Jem to Aquaman, just how outrageous is it?" "Bill and Ted," Scootaloo said. "That is outrageous!" Spike exclaimed. "Permission to kill?" Tydal asked, wagging his tail. "...denied," Shining said. "Took you a moment to answer there," Tydal teased. The orange pegasus shook her head. "You guys can make fun but I know what I feel. There is an outrageous Twilight out there and..." the filly closed her eyes, "...she's moving towards the first new Twilight I sense right now!" ~Meanwhile, in another part of Trotyo that is just a bit more outrageous...~ "This was one of Spike's spells, I just know it!" Twilight sighed, pacing up the busy sidewalk, muttering to herself in frustration. The little dragonese was very annoyed and was making a mental checklist of all the things she was going to do to Spike once she got back to Ponyville. She reached a clawed hand up and ran her palm along her spines, wishing she had a quill and a scroll so she could write down all her grievances. "I've told him a hundred times that he needs to stop trying to do magic! He just isn't that talented at it and since he refuses to practice he causes things like this!" the little baby dragoness waved her arms about. "How hard is it to do a simple spell? You just follow the instructions in the book... simple!" "Pppffff!" a strange masked mare said, sticking her tongue out and blowing a raspberry (too bad she was wearing a mask without a mouth hole; the raspberry ended up looking like some alien creature was trying to escape her mouth). "Instructions are for boring ponies and the mafia. I think it was the mafia, can't remember." "I can't remember either" 'Neither can I!' "Uh..." Twilight Dragon said nervously, backing away from the strange red-and-black clad mare, "Ok, you seem really odd so I think I'll just go now..." "Aw, don't be like that," Twipool said with a laugh. "Don't run off, I got you a present and everything!" "A... present?" Twilight Dragon asked, eyebrow raised. "What sort of present?" "Oh, something really cool Its a 'Hi, nice to meet you' present!" Twipool pulled out of a bush (which happened to be the rare Hammerspace Shrub) a large book with a brown faux-leather cover. "Its an ancient tome filled with all sorts of cool things to study!" "Oooooo," Twilight Dragon said, practically drooling. She reached out and grasped the book in her hands. "T-thank you!" "Well, if you like that, you are going to love all the other presents I got you!" Twipool said, smirking under her mask as she began to grab more books and give them Twilight Dragon. The baby dragoness smiled in delight, never noticing that she was suffering a growth spurt... ~Meanwhile, back with our heroes....~ "Explain to me again how Dance Dance Revolution is suppose to help us find this new Twilight?" Scootaloo asked, doing a spin and slamming her hooves down on two of the lit-up panels. "Oh, it is very helpful, Loo-kun!" Sparkle-San said, shaking her hips to the music. The video game cheered her on with brightly flashing lights and little pictures of cartoon cats proclaiming 'You Do Much Good Now, Thank Welcome!' "This helps us build up much endurance and strength, so that when evil tentacle raping monsters appear we are able to outrun them." "Tentacle what now?" Spike asked as he waited his turn to play. "Are you talking about Bill?" Tydal asked. "I hate that guy... he still owes me $10." "That explains so much and yet so little," Shining Armor said. "Shiny!" Cadence called out, running to her husband. "My fizzy water's doing silly things!" The stallion looked into the cup and watched as perfect little rings formed every few seconds. "I think those are impact tremors..." "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Luna looked up from the claw machine she was playing (Baby Twilight had somehow become stuck inside and refused to come out). "By Tirek's firm butt, what was that?" "Sounded like screams," Tydal said. "Must be weird for them not being caused by your actions," Spike said. "Shut it, doggie killer." "Ba?" Baby Twilight said, warping out of the claw machine and onto her mother's back. The group quickly made their way out of the crowd, joining the rest of the ponies that were mulling about, wondering what was happening. The cries of terror (which weren't suddenly silenced, despite what some Jedi might think) continued and the impact tremors were growing so strong that everyone could actually feel them. Lights flickered on and off and the wail of sirens echoed from a distance. Native ponies shifted uneasily, looking about with terror-filled eyes. And then, from around a corner, they saw it: a massive wingless dragon stomping through Trotyo. She had a stocky build with a short muzzle and plate-like spines that ran down her back. She stood completely upright and her tail hung just a few meters off the ground, swaying slightly with every step she took. Every once and a while the dragon would open her purple maw and let loose a terrible battle cry that made all the ponies tremble. "RUN!" Cadence screamed. "IT'S GODZILLA!" Shining shook his head. "Actually, I'm pretty sure that is just another alternate-dimensional version of my sister. I think she is a dragon in her world and has somehow grown to titanic proportions." "STILL WE SHOULD RUN LIKE IT IS GODZILLA!" Cadence cried out. "Though it isn't," Shining reminded her. The dragon's fat foot landed just feet from them. "...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Shining screamed, joining his wife in panicking. "Ok, this is really, really bad," Scootaloo said. "A giant dragon Twilight! That's-" BANG! Scootaloo leapt back, eyes wide as she stared at the spot on the sidewalk where the sniper's bullet had struck. "Dang, I knew I was going to overshoot her!" Twipool complained from her perch of Twizilla's shoulder. 'I think you actually undershot her.' "I think you under-overed her and the shot never existed to begin with... dun dun dun!" "Hey look, Scootaloo!" Twiley said with a grin. "There's another me up there trying to shoot a party sniper rifle at us!" The filly opened her mouth. "Come on, I'm ready-AAACK!" "Not a party rifle!" Scootaloo screamed as she joined the rest of the mob in fleeing. “A giant dragon!” Tydal said with utter glee. “I haven’t gotten to fight one of those in ages!” The rest of the group watched as the capricorn turned around and began to run back towards Twizilla. “Oh, there is going to be so much property-“ WHAM! “Dad!” Luna screamed as she raced up to the semi truck that had just struck the sea god. “You ok?” “Did… did I get glomped again?” he asked, a bit woozy. “My apologizes,” the truck said. “Did… did that truck just talk?” Twiley asked. “Indeed,” the truck said, its entire form splitting apart. Scootaloo, Spike, Cadence and Shining reluctantly stopped fleeing and returned to the scene of the accident, watching as the semi slowly took on a rather familiar pony shape… “You have got to be kidding,” Shining stated dryly. “I am Twilimus Prime,” the truck-turned-robot stated. “I am here to help.”