//------------------------------// // Chapter Eight: I Didn't Mean to Hurt You // Story: Learning to Forgive // by The Fields of Ice //------------------------------// Spike laid atop his bed, flipping through each Hearts and Hooves day card. He couldn’t help but feel a smile tug at his lips as each card brought back memories from farther and farther back in time. It was quite evident that with age, his skill with the crayon had increased drastically. For the most part, each card would usher in memories of warmth and happiness, for though he hadn’t given them to Twilight, he could clearly remember the day he spent with her, something, at the time, he honestly considered a date. He then came to the last card. It was the oldest, and the moment Spike’s eyes laid upon it, his expression dropped. He remembered this one, and the emotions attached to it; none of which were happiness. Seventeen Years Ago… A six year old Spike, who had just recently discovered his hiding place, slid his Hearts and Hooves day card into the small space between the brick and the wall. He decided not to place it behind the brick, since he assumed it would only be a few hours at the most, before he gave it to Twilight. Spike then stood and made his way to the tower’s staircase, to go find the mare in question. However, as it would happen, that mare found him, for just as he rounded the corner, he was knocked clear on his rump. “Ow,” he said as he rubbed the point of collision on his forehead. Twilight, who had seemed to fair much better, extended a hoof to Spike. “Are you okay?” Spike nodded as he took it. “Yeah, but what are you doing here?” Twilight rolled her eyes and made an expression which seemed to say ‘isn’t it obvious?’. “I was looking for you,” she explained. “Wha- What? Why?” he asked nervously. “Did mommy say I was in trouble?” The filly giggled. “No, I was just bored… What are you doing up here anyways?” Spike’s expression began to shift to one of embarrassment. “Oh, I was… Um.” Twilight tilted her head and grinned at Spike. “Is it a secret? It is, isn’t it?” At this, Spike’s face seemed to have its normal purple tone completely replaced with crimson. “I… Uh…” Now confident that her assumptions were correct, she leaned forward. “Tell me! Come on! Please I won’t tell anyone! Please! Please! Please!” Feeling himself cornered, Spike turned away. “I can’t.” Twilight’s expression dropped drastically. “Aw! Come on. You’re my best friend; we tell each other everything!” she pleaded as she trotted to his side to face him. “I’ll tell you later,” he said, snapping his head to face away from her. Twilight’s ears dropped to the side of her head and she made an exaggerated sad face. “Please?” The poor dragon had the misfortune of peeking at this sheer display of adorableness. For a moment he seriously considered telling her, but quickly pushed that thought out of his head. Instead he rested a hand atop her shoulder. “Soon, Twi.” She sighed. “Okay.” “How about we play something?” he asked, hoping she’d take the bait and stray away from her current disappointment. Twilight instantly perked up. “Okay!” She then jabbed Spike in the chest. “You’re it!” He sighed, mentally slapping himself for not seeing this coming. “Okay!” he exclaimed, now sporting a determined grin. As Spike chased Twilight, he quickly found that she had a tendency to weave in between the suits of armor, in an attempt to lose him. However, he was utterly determined to not let this happen. After a few seconds, Spike was finally beginning to gain some ground on the filly, but just as he thought he could reach out to her, Twilight jumped to the right, leaving the rows of armor behind. Spike saw this as only a minor setback, and darted through the next gap. “You’re going to have to try harder than that!” teased Twilight. Spike, who was actually giving it his all, didn’t take too kindly to the remark. “We’ll see whose laughing when this is all over!” At this, Twilight’s only reply was looking over her shoulder to stick her tongue out at Spike. This in turn caused her to not see the large suit of armor and the golden spear handle it was holding. The moment Twilight’s head maid contact, she was knocked on her back. “Twilight!” Spike shrieked. He was still running towards her, but now for an entirely different reason. It took her a moment, but Twilight eventually began to cry. This filled Spike with sorrow, but also relief at the fact she wasn’t unconscious. When he reached her side, he sat on the floor beside her and gently began to lift up her head. Spike didn’t see any blood, which he was grateful for, but knew for a fact she’d soon have a bruise. “Twilight, are you okay?” he asked, fear evident in his tone. She was now able to sit up on her own, yet her tears still flowed. “M-My forehead.” Spike thought a moment about what he was going to do, but had assumed since adults did it, there was nothing wrong with him doing it. He leaned forward and kissed her head. This caused Twilight’s eyes to widen and her to jump back. “Spike! That’s nasty!” Spike jumped back as well, but mostly out of shock; he saw nothing wrong with what he had just done. “But grownups do it, so I thought it’d help.” Twilight shook her head, which caused some tears currently clinging to her eyelashes, to fall. “It’s different when adults do it! You’re like my little brother!” The moment those words left her lips, Spike could feel himself be gripped with an all-encompassing sorrow; it’s tendrils of despair reaching into every shadow of his heart. To him, there was now absolutely no point in giving Twilight his card, or admitting how he felt. Every variable in his plan had been factored in; except for the possibility that Twilight didn’t see him the same way. For the first time in his life, Spike was heartbroken. Present Day… Spike sighed, recalling each night for the next week in which he’d cry himself to sleep. He may have been young, but, at the time, he truly did care for Twilight as more than just a friend. He picked up the other cards, but now he only felt the same sense of sorrow, for each time he would be seconds away from admitting his feelings, this memory would find its way into his mind. Simply put, this one memory was responsible for holding him back from his goal for seven more years. After that, he had moved to Ponyville and decided attaining love from Twilight would prove to be utterly impossible. So, he moved on to someone else. Suddenly, the door began to open. Fearing Twilight’s reaction, Spike began frantically gathering up the papers. “Hey Spike, I was…” Twilight trailed off as she watched the, more and more crimson faced, dragon attempt to hide some parchment behind his back. She tilted her head in confusion. “What is that?” “Nothing! Don’t worry about it,” he said more forcefully then he meant. She was now beginning to suspect that whatever it was Spike was hiding, might be something bad, or even worse, something bad about her. “Spike, we both know that whatever it is, I’ll eventually find out, so what is it?” Spike knew this to be true, given the fact that Twilight could easily teleport into his room and find them long before he could stop her. She had a massive upper hand with her magical abilities. He looked away ashamed. “Twilight, if I show you this, just promise you won’t think I’m weird.” Twilight was now immensely curious. “Of course I won’t. Now, what is it?” Spike slowly began to bring the handful of parchments out from behind his back, but he instead closed his eyes and took in a deep breath before gently throwing them on the floor before her. However, he couldn’t resist but peak at Twilight’s reaction as she looked to the first card; it was a mixture of shock, embarrassment, and something else he couldn’t quite pinpoint. “Twi, let me explain. You see, I went upstairs to see if these were still there. I drew them when I was a little kid; I didn’t know any better.” As she held each Hearts and Hooves day card before her, with her magic, Twilight couldn’t help but feel her eyes begin to grow wet. Twilight felt all of her initial feelings of disbelief and embarrassment be erased by the sheer flood of happiness overtaking her. “Spike, this is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” Still on the defensive, Spike took no note of her words, or the amount of joy within them. Instead, he only continued to prove how outdated the cards were, in a desperate attempt to save the friendship he feared they had destroyed. “I promise they don’t mean anything. I don’t like you like that, not anymore.” It pained Spike to say this, for after the time they had spent together, it was certainly no longer true, but it paled in comparison to the surge of emotion he felt when he looked to Twilight. He saw it; he saw the exact same expression he had all those years ago, one of absolute despair, and heartbreak. This caused him to stop dead in his explanation. For the briefest moment, as their eyes locked, Twilight feared that he was reading her emotions like a book. Because of this, she quickly turned away and began trotting out of the room. “I have to go do something,” she lied, barely able to keep her voice from cracking. As she closed the door behind her, Spike stood, ready to admit his feelings to her, but for some reason he stopped himself. It was obvious she had feelings for him, but there was still a lingering fear in the back of his mind, something he still couldn’t get over. Twilight trotted down the hallway of the castle, now openly weeping. She cared not for any guard who may see her, or the judgment they may pass upon her. She only wished to get away from Spike. The mare raced to the staircase and began to climb. As she did this, she thought of how much of a fool she’d been for assuring herself that his affection was her feelings for him being returned. Twilight now assumed that all that had been was simple pity for her, and a way of relieving some of his regret. There was no way Spike could ever love her. ---------- The dragon sat by the door for several minutes, expecting that Twilight would come bursting back in at any second, but as time passed, this hope began to fade. He wanted to find her and tell her how he felt, but there was always that one voice in the back of his head telling him he was wrong. Spike gritted his teeth before he finally stood. He wasn’t going to sit idly by and let himself suffer, but above all, if he was right, he wasn’t going to let Twilight feel the same way he did. He darted up the stairs, certain of Twilight’s location, but even if he was wrong he would still have a good vantage point from there. Though, it would appear that his search wouldn’t require that, for as he entered the castle’s tower he found Twilight, sitting upon the floor next to the balcony. She was crying, but the moment she saw Spike she turned away and desperately began to wipe away her tears. As Spike drew closer to her, he could tell just how uneasy she was. She now knew that there was no use in hiding her feelings from him, but if he didn’t return them he could look at her as some kind of freak, or even worse, feel like he needed to leave. Spike took a seat next to her and leaned against the wall. He knew exactly what he wanted to say, but just didn’t know how to say it. “Twilight…” “I’m sorry,” began Twilight. “I came up here because I didn’t want you to see me like this, okay?” Spike moved closer to her. “So you come to the spot you know I’ll look first?” Twilight forced a laugh, which set a few tears free. “Yeah, I guess so.” “I’m sorry about what I said. I-I didn’t think it would hurt you like this.” Twilight looked up at Spike. “It’s okay, I don’t blame you.” She turned away. “After what I said to you, I understand why you don’t…” Spike rested a hand atop Twilight’s hoof, which caused her to face him. “I didn’t mean what I said; I do care about you.” Twilight was overjoyed to hear this, but still hesitant to trust, so she pulled her hoof out from underneath. “If you don’t mean something, you don’t have to say it just to make me feel better.” Spike faced Twilight, hurt evident in his eyes for her action. “Twilight, it’s the truth. I want to be with you. I…” He paused, unable to believe what he was finally going to say. “I love you.” For a second, she only sat there, staring at Spike as she processed what had been said. Though the moment her mind could comprehend it, tears began to roll down her cheeks. Without warning, Twilight leapt up and wrapped her hooves around Spike. “You do?!” Spike smiled as he pulled her in close, and quickly found his eyes growing wet as well. “Yes, I promise I love you.” As he said this, Twilight’s grip tightened. “I-I love you too. I have for so long.” He chuckled. “Yeah, me too.” Slowly, Spike began to break the embrace. Twilight was confused as to why he would want to cut this moment short, but when she looked up to ask, a pair of lips pressed to hers was her answer. The moment prior may have been wonderful, but now it had been replaced with the pinnacle of perfection.