Celestia cleared her throat. ”So Jay, mind explaining why you decided to destroy royal property and a custom hoof-made decorative window?” Celestia asked with poorly hidden anger. I chuckled and put down Spike, who took a few uneasy steps to the side.
”Well princess, I'm a bit of an odd guy. I got the idea and I went for it. But don't worry about that window, I'm sure you can exploit plenty of hard-working tax payers to cover it...” I smirked. ”Or you could just fix it yourself. Magic it up a bit, you know.” Oh man, the glare she gave me could probably kill a small animal or something...
Celestia took a deep breath to calm herself, then spoke. ”Well, since you went through all the trouble of bothering me and my sister, you must be exhausted...” She smirked. ”So why don't you stay for dinner and if you're tired enough you may even stay the night in the castle. You'd have a room of your own, of course.”
I got a sudden feeling that I would need an adult if this would continue, so I nodded to her and picked up the suitcases. ”Just let me know what room I'll be staying in.”
”Very well then.” She said. ”Your room will be in the east wing of the castle, just past the observatory. The door is rather tall and made in dark mahogany. You won't miss it, I promise.” She said with a small smile. I raised an eyebrow but didn't ask anything more.
”But princess, isn't that Luna's ro-” Spike spoke but was silenced by Celestia as she used her magic to hold his mouth closed. My eyes narrowed.
”Not anymore, Spike. She moved to a newly built apartment room in the top floor of the observatory.” She said hastily. Her entire demeanor screamed that she was playing innocent but I decided to play along instead of calling her out. Who knows? It could be interesting to see what she was trying to do.
”Alright then, I'll be off.” I shrugged and started walking to the doors. I glanced at Spike. ”You'll be alright alone for a bit, right?” I asked.
”Yeah, I can be here with the princess.” Spike shrugged. ”At least for a while...” Spike grumbled. I nodded and continued to the doors. The guards positioned next the door used their magic and opened the door for me.
Just before the door closed again behind me, I turned around to Celestia and gave her a double-handed one finger salute. Then the doors slammed closed with a bit more force. I chuckled and started walking to the observatory, wherever the fuck it was.
After about an hour of getting lost, getting back on track and getting lost again, I finally found myself walking toward the observatory. I walked past a door labeled 'Observatory' and looked around the hallway. The entire thing had a much darker decor than all the other halls I walked through. Oh well.
True to Celestia's description, I saw a rather tall mahogany door. I walked to it and set one of the suitcases down on the floor as I opened the door with the free hand. Those damn suitcases were actually heavier than they looked... I picked it back up and walked into the room...
...God damn, if the decor in the hall looked dark, this was way worse. The ceiling is way higher than what I expected, I almost expect bats to come out screeching from one of the corners when I'm sleeping. Oh well, at least I could take a nap or something until dinner. I'm sure Spike can handle being with Sunbutt for a while.
With that settled, I took the suitcases and pushed them beneath the bed to hide it from prying eyes, then took off my shirt. ”Man... I stink...” I muttered. I really should take a shower or something, I guess. After a bit of searching and a whole lot of luck, I picked a door randomly and opened it and behold, a bathroom was on the other side!
Now, with the size of the other room, I should have realized that the bathroom was also nearly half the size of the other room. With that fact in mind, I still couldn't stop my jaw from dropping open. After muttering a few choice words, I grabbed a folded up towel from a bench and made my way to the shower.
You know, I won't go much into detail of me showering. At least I got it done. When I exited the shower dripping wet, I took the towel and went to work drying off the excess water as I made my way back into the main room. Putting on my pants, I decided to leave my shirt off for the moment as I laid down on the bed.
My hand fell down to the silver locket around my neck. I brushed it with my thumb, letting out a sigh as I closed my eyes, intending to get some sleep before dealing with Celestia and her sister again. Before my mind drifted away, I heard the door open and a loud gasp. I cursed and opened my eyes, then sat up to glare at the intruder.
My breath hitched though when I saw none other than Princess Luna standing there, mouth agape. When her eyes wandered down me, she apparently noticed that I wasn't wearing a shirt. Her wings shot out and I got a sudden feeling that something terrifying would happen if I would stay any longer.
I shot up from the bed and threw my shirt on. ”What the fuck are you doing in here?” I asked her as I straightened the shirt. She shook her head.
”This is my room...” She muttered with her ears back. ”I should ask you why you're in here, in a princess' bedroom h-ha-halfnaked!” She stuttered, her wings still spread.
”Your room? But Celestia said...” My eyes widened, then narrowed. ”That. Fucking. Bitch.” I growled. ”Sorry for the intrusion, I will have to go and kick some sense in Sunbutt's fat ass...”
Then something I did not expect happened. Luna walked toward me and got uncomfortably close. I took a step back. As I did that, she took another step closer. ”Oh, why do you have to leave so hastily?” Luna said in a low tone.
”I-uh... I need to go... Like, now.” I pushed the princess away from me, stumbling a few steps as I ran out from the room and slammed the door shut. I heard an annoyed groan from the room as I bolted down the hallway, intending to gut Celestia with her own horn and crown.
After a while of running, I slowed down to a walk. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had forgotten something important in the room, though. When I made a right turn in a hallway, I saw Spike walking at me. I greeted him with a nod and a smile.
”Hey Jay, I was just about to go see you.” He smiled. Then he looked me over and frowned. ”Dude, where's the suitcases?”
...
…...
FUCK.
The next day, Spike and I stood outside Luna's room on each side of the door. Spike glanced at me. ”Why won't we just knock on the door and say that you forgot something in there?”
”Spike, there's a few things you need to learn about being a man.” I started. ”One, never ask anyone for directions and two, when you have a psycho bitch with a lot of power that is obviously interested in you on the other side of the door, the last thing you want is face-to-face conversation.” That seemed to make him quiet, so I put my head to the door, listening for anything. All I heard were some rather loud snores.”
I opened the door carefully, not making a single noise...
...Then I was thrown back to the wall on the other side of the hallway because of the sheer volume of her snores. Spike didn't seem affected though, he stood there, staring at me as the snore stopped. I dropped to the floor.
I saw Spike walk up to me in the corner of my eyes. I felt a hand on my shoulder. ”Jay, you alright?”
”WHAT?” I shouted, not being able to make out what he said. ”COME AGAIN.”
Spike said something more and all I could hear was my name and something starting with 'wa'-
”NO THANK YOU, I DON'T WANT ANY WAFFLES. I HAD A BIG BREAKFAST.”
Then without warning, I got a slap on my right cheek that made me fall to my side. I groaned miserably. ”Get it together, Jay!” Spike growled. ”We are about to break into the room of an immortal princess that can, and probably will, incinerate us on the spot if she catches us. So pull yourself together and let's do this!” Spike glared at me.
I shook my head and stood up. ”Thanks, Spike. I needed that. Now let's do this shit.” I said. Spike nodded. I walked to the doorway and glanced inside. Luna was lying fast asleep on the bed on her side. I saw a stray pillow lying beside her head and considered my options...
...Nah. I don't need to be marked as a murderer of a princess on top of all the shit I already pulled in Ponyville. With my mind set, Spike and I walked slowly to the bed. I bent down to where I had slid in the suitcases beneath the bed and to my great relief, they were still exactly the way I had left them. I gave a thumbs up to Spike, who grinned.
Both of our hearts stopped though as a groan was heard from the bed. I dropped to the floor flat on my stomach and rolled beneath the bed, careful not to jostle the suitcases. I grabbed one of Spike's legs and dragged him beneath the bed and when he looked at me, I held a finger to my lips, not making a single sound. Apparently he understood and nodded.
After a few more seconds, the groans stopped and Spike and I shared a sigh in relief. ”Ooh, Jay...” I heard from above the bed. My face paled as Spike glanced up curiously. ”Just like that...”
As my brain boarded the train to Nopetown, Spike whispered to me. ”Why are she talking about you like that..?” I cursed silently.
”No reason,” I whispered back. It's better to just drop that for now...” Spike nodded and glanced one last time above to the bed.
”Where is it..?” I heard Luna's voice. ”Ah, here you are... Jay...” She giggled maniacally. Instead of curling into a ball and start rocking forward and back, I held Spike's mouth shut before he could ask anything else.
To my utter and complete horror, a buzzing sound was heard from above and a gasp from the princess. Spike's confused glance above, then to me didn't help at all.
I really don't like ponies.
About half an hour later of sounds I didn't know could be made and slight overusage of my name along with screaming, I was just about ready to curl up and die. Spike just looked just as confused as before. I heard Luna get off the bed. I stole a glance at her as she walked to see she was walking to the bathroom. As she walked inside and closed the door behind her, I grabbed the suitcases and got out from beneath the bed. Spike came with me as we ran to the door to the hallway.
Spike and I ran down random hallways for about 10 minutes before we stopped to take a breather. ”What... What was she doing?” Spike asked me. ”And what was that smell?”
”Uh...” I scratched my neck and glanced to the ceiling. ”Uh... Ask Twilight about it when we get back to Ponyville.” Spike nodded. I picked up the suitcases and began walking again. Spike followed.
”Spike?” I asked.
”What is it Jay?” He looked up at me.
”Let's never talk about what happened in there ever again, and don't tell anyone about it at all. Deal?”
”I don't understand why... But okay, deal.” We bumped fists.
I swear on this day that I will never, ever return to Canterlot ever again.