"Hey! I think he's waking up! Come on, wake up!"
Before I could even figure out where that voice had come from, a sharp pain spread across my right cheek. Followed by an even more painful feeling on the left cheek. It didn't even stop there, either! For a good four more hits on both cheeks, I couldn't even begin to open my eyes in fear of having whatever was hitting my poke my eye out.
"Stop! That's not helping anything!" As soon as the second voice had sounded out, the pain suddenly stopped. "What are you thinking, slapping this...Thing...Quick, get two sandwiches from the freezer."
A few seconds later, I risked opening my eyes to see just what was going on around me. And all I could see is that I was inside some small room that was completely metal on the roof, walls, and floor. Ahead of me was two seats and some window which I couldn't really see out of from the way I was on the ground.
Towards the left of me was some container that was opened up. With someone looking into it to try and find something inside. Finally to the right of me, was some kind of door. Still completely metal with no paint or anything, just grey metal.
"Yes, you're awake!" That first voice called out from where that container was. Pulling out two small little yellow wrapped up blocks and bringing them over to me. By this point however, I was able to realize exactly who this was and jumped to my feet...Sorry, hooves.
This was the maniac who 'helped' me reach the ice cream man with his truck, and managed to wipe out on his skateboard at the last second worse than a YouTube skater.
"That's a relief! For a second there, I thought you hit your head too hard on the ground and...Uh...Y-you know..." He started saying, not to sure of how to finish that sentence because of the circumstances about all of this.
"Died?" I asked him with a tired tone in my voice from all the pain I had gone through. And yes, it all really did hurt. My head was still extremely sore from hitting the, thankfully not concrete, ground. Plus all those hits to the sides of my face hadn't helped at all. "Yeah, well maybe if you didn't send me flying after you forgot to-Look where you were going!"
"S-sorry man, I was just a little excited! I mean, I was helping one of you pony things out. It's just something that seemed cool at the moment, you know?" He asked, hoping I would buy that dumb excuse.
"Just...Don't do anything stupid like that again..." I said, not having the focus or energy to stay mad at him. The pain kept my focus from going everywhere, so I couldn't concentrate on much. I just slowly looked around the room and got situated before continuing.
My saddle bag was still on my back and was still closed, not to mention it was still a little heavy on both sides. So I guess nothing was taken for now. Next, I realized that the room we were both in was a little weird. It was bouncing up an down a bit, and the window ahead of me was off to. Everything outside was passing by us as the seconds ticked forward.
It was when I saw the dashboard directly under the window, that it all clicked for me. The small container that skateboard teen was digging in was a cooler. The yellow blocks in his hands were ice cream sandwiches. And finally.
"W-were in the ice cream truck?" I asked out loud with a nervous look on my face. That evil, evil, ice cream truck?
"Yeah! See, after we crashed-" When he saw my glare, he fixed his comment. "I...Crashed...He came out to see if we were okay. I was fine, just face-planted into soft mud." Oh, lucky you...You fall face-first into mud, I hit hard-ground and have a meeting with Dream Town! "But you had blacked-out. As soon as he saw what happened to you, plus me explaining it all, he apologized and asked if he could take us to the vet or something."
"Wait...I knew he was speeding away from me!" I exclaimed angrily, looking around the van we were in. Only at that moment, I suddenly lost my balance as the ice cream truck made a sudden left turn. Making me run into the right side of the truck, then fall to the ground after he was done turning.
"About that..." That second voice from earlier, which I could only assume was the ice cream man in question, said from the seats up front. "I, uh, thought you were a stray dog. I didn't want to run over you because you caught up, so I tried speeding up. I didn't know you were one of those ponies that the news and radio station had been talking about."
"A DOG?!" I yelled out in annoyance, about ready to push this guy out of his own truck and pelt him with Bomb Pops, Firecrackers, and Crunch Bars! All while I ate his entire stock of Fudge Bars! Was this guy as stupid as the teenager?! Am I surrounded by idiots right now?!
I mean, sure. Some ponies on MLP could be mistaken for animals. Shave off Tiara's mane and tail, and you might just be able to pass her off for the county state fair. Do the same for Pipsqueak, minus the pirate outfit too, and you can maybe think he's a baby cow with his spots. Take away Zecora's jewelry, and you might think that she's Blitzle the Pokémon.
But Button Mash as a dog?! What Psycho from Arkham Asylum, forced to listen to Lavender Town, while riding an F-Zero Racer, and constantly being hit over the head by a Big Daddy, would ever think that?!
"Well...You were brown..." The ice cream man countered with a distracted voice. Oh! Well then! I guess while were judging Equestrianites by their coat color, let's not forget the others! Rarity's white! Guess she's Slenderman! Applejack's orange! She's gotta be Charizard! Cheerilee's purple! Well, that probably means she's an XCOM Chryssalid!
"Okay...Look, I think I'm fine enough. If you can just take me home so I can think of how to cope with this, that'd be great." I told them, not wanting to take anymore punishment. Especially since I'm going to take another type of punishment when I get home
...
...
...
"AH! Oh God, Mom's gonna kill me when she finds out what I did!" I suddenly yelled out in utter horror, looking around frantically. While I did, my sudden yell had scared the ice cream man and made him swerve the van to the right. Still, he was just barely able to correct the path and keep anything bad from happening.
"What, why?!" The teenager asked in sudden fear, thinking he should be scared just like me. "All you did was go out for ice cream, right?! What's wrong with that?!"
"What's wrong with it, is that I wasn't supposed to leave at all!" I told them. Well...Maybe I still have some time! "Quick, how long have I been out?!"
"About forty minutes." The ice cream man up front told me without missing a beat. Well at least someone is cooperating in he-
"FORTY MINUTES?!" I yelled out in frustration. "We've been driving in this ice cream truck, for forty minutes?! I might not know the address, but I know for sure that the vet is not that far!"
"Well...You see, the vet in our town was closed for the day for some reason. So we were driving to the other one. But it's still a good ten minutes away." The teenager told me awkwardly, holding out one ice cream bar he still had in his hands. "Ice cream?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
I just stood there. Staring at...this *insert beaver project* dumd *insert donkey* for thinking that it was his job to hire a random ice cream man, and take me to a *insert what clopfic fans read* vet...This had to be the God *man, those beavers are getting publicity* biggest moron I had ever had the worst luck of meeting.
Please...Help me understand something for a moment...Would you kindly?...Tell me, I'm not the only one that thinks this guy is a complete and total moron. Because, I can not be the only one that thinks that. Right?...
...Right?...
RIGHT?!
"So...I'm guessing that's a 'No' on the ice cream then?" He asked me, seeing as how I walked up towards the front of the ice cream truck and got onto the passenger's side and sat down. Taking the only other chair that was left on this van. Leaving that kid to fumble around in the back.
Maybe it'll knock some sense into him. "Uh, alright then...I guess I'll just eat both of them then..." Or maybe not.