//------------------------------//
// Love Thy Pony 
// Story: Friendship is Epic - Book 1: My Big Flare (COMPLETE REMAKE) 
// by FlareGun45 
//------------------------------//

A week has past, and right now my employees and I are cleaning up the pizza shop, because it's after closing. I was just cleaning the tables with Lyra, Bon Bon is mopping the floor, and Derpy already went home because she has to get up early for her other job, mail.

"Another successful day has gone by, sistas! I have to say, this business is really popular! Giving us adrenaline all day!” I said.

"Yep!" Lyra said.

"I'll say!" Bonnie agreed.

"So, you two gots any plans later?" I asked.

"Gots any plans?" Bonnie asked. "I don't think that's correct grammar."

"Well, I have some planning to do for an event coming up!" Lyra said.

"Yeah, me too." Bonnie said.

“Oh cool; I love events! Almost as much as I love sitcoms that ponies think zebras will watch.” I said.

A cutaway shows Zecora inside her hut watching a sitcom on TV. The African-accent TV announcer says, “We now return to ‘THA’S WAT AH WAS TELLIN’ YOU BEFO!’ On Z-N-T.”

“What are you kids doin'? Nightmare Night is tomorrow!” the zebra mom asked.

“THA'S WHAT AH WAS TELLIN' YOU BEFO'!” the zebra kid said, dressed as a carrot. The audience laughs in the background. The cutaway ends.

"So what event are you kids planning?" I asked.

"I'll tell you later." Lyra said.

"Me too." Bonnie repeated. Just then, everypony just finished up with the cleaning. "Well, clean as a whistle!"

"Whistles aren't always clean. Once they're blown, they're germy." I said.

"It's just an expression." Bonnie said.

“So is this face.” I said as I was making a smirky looking face with my bottom teeth biting on my upper lip, and one side of my mouth was facing upward.

"Alrighty then! Time to lockup!" Lyra said.

"Hang on." Bonnie stopped us. "I have to use the little fillies room for a second."

"Go on ahead, Bonnie! We'll wait for you. Winky face." I said.

"Thanks!" Bonnie said as she runs over to the bathroom.

"Hey, Flare?" Lyra asked.

"HAY, WHERE?! Oh, were you just getting my attention?” I asked.

"Uhh yeah, I have to ask you something." Lyra said.

"Axe away!" I said. "But be careful how you swing; lawl!”

Lyra chuckled. “That was a good one!”

"I'll be here all week!" I said. "No really, I will, that's my schedule. 

"So can I tell you a secret?" Lyra asked.

"I-D-K. Can you?" I asked.

"May I?" Lyra asked.

"I-D-K. Do you trust me?" I asked.

"If I didn't trust you, I wouldn't be telling you this secret, would I?" Lyra informed.

“If you didn’t trust me, you wouldn’t let me be holding your gum for you.” I said as I blew a bubble, spat it out, and gave it back to Lyra. “Here you go!”

“Thanks!” Lyra said, taking the gum. "Okay, I'm being serious now."

"Alright, me and my bestest friend in the whole world have a friendship anniversary coming in a few days.” Lyra said.

"Oh really?" I asked. “That’s cute, who’s your bestest friend?”

"Well, that's the secret. Most ponies I tell, they just laugh at us and call us ‘a couple’, and we’re not.” Lyra said.

”What do you expect from the fandom? They’d just find two ponies that are just standing next to eachother, and automatically assume they’re a couple.” I said.

“Others ship me with Octavia, and I hardly know her.” Vinyl Scratch said, sitting on one of the tables, sipping her drink.

“So who’s your best friend? Cranky Doodle Donkey?” I teased

Lyra got frustrated. "No." she said.

“Lawl lawl lawl lawl!” I laughed. “Are you in a relationship with that dirty pony with a trash can flank tattoo?”

”Who?” Lyra asked.

“The one Scootaloo says is ‘too smelly’.” I said.

“Oh… no.” Lyra said.

"Then it must be Doctor Whooves! Tell me it’s the Doctor! You’re his companion!” I yelled.

"NO!" Lyra yelled. "Can't you just listen to me?!"

“Fine; spoil the fun.” I rolled my eyes.

“It’s Bon Bon.” Lyra said.

“Yes that was my next choice!” I winked and said.

“Was it?” Lyra asked.

“Actually it was gonna be the pony that is strangely obsessed with tubs of jelly, but right after, I was definitely gonna say Bon Bon!” I said. "Well if you’re happy face with her, and she's happy face, then I'm happy face."

"Thanks, Flare!" Lyra said with a smile.

"So what are you going to do for your university?" I asked.

"I got us two plane tickets to- wait, did you just say university?” Lyra asked. 

“Yeah.” I nodded.

Lyra facehoofed and shook her head and asked, “Why?”

“I thought that’s what you said?” I asked.

“I said anniversary.” Lyra corrected me.

“So you’re married to her?” I asked.

Lyra blushed and yelled, “NO! Why does everypony think we’re a couple? Also, what makes everypony think I’m obsessed with humans and like hands?”

“Do you like hands?” I asked.

”Of course I do, they're fascinating, but how does everypony else know that?” I asked.

“Alright, so we’re getting off-topic. You got two tickets to…. Paradise right?” I asked, and then I started singing, “Pack your backs we’ll leave tonight; two tickets to paradissssssse!”

"Anyway..." she continued as she took out two tickets. "I have two tickets for Los Pegasus. Bon Bon and I are having our FRIENDSHIP anniversary there for a week. We're leaving in three days.”

"Wait, stop right there." I said. “Isn’t the city called LAS Pegasus?”

“No, what makes you think that?” Lyra asked.

“It just came to me. Sometimes names can be confusing to me.” I said. A cutaway shows walking through town, saying hi to random ponies along the way. “Hey, Twilight Sporkle! Say hi to your mom and dad, the spoon and the fork for me. Hey, Apple Pumpkin! See you at Nightmare Night!”

“It’s Apple Bumpkin!” she corrected me.

“Isn’t that what I said?” I asked as I kept walking.

“Hey, Mild Fire! If ‘Hot’ was your middle name, you’d have all three types of Taco Bell sauces in your name.” I said.

“My name is Wild Fire.” She corrected me.

“Then only you can prevent you.” I teased and winked. I then walked into a music store, walked up to the cashier, and asked him, “Sup brah? I’m looking for Justin Beaver’s music, you sellin’?” The cutaway ends.

"So this gift I'm giving Bon Bon is also a secret. Please don't tell her!" Lyra asked me.

"With the Wizards of Hope, Strength, and Feelings as my witnesses, I vow never to let out your secret to Bon Bon. Lion face.” I said.

“Lyin’ face? So you’re lying?” Lyra asked.

“No ‘lion face’, lion like the animal lion. I’m making a cat face. You know, the colon 3 in text?” I asked.

“Oh, well then….” Lyra gives me a big hug. "Thanks, Flare! You're the best!" 

"But I'll do it for 10 bits! Mischievous face." I teased.

Lyra got confused. "What?" she asked. I took her a while to know I was joking. "Flare, you’re too funny!” Bon Bon then walks out of the bathroom, but has a piece of toilet paper stuck on her hoof.

“HA!” I yelled.

"What's so funny?" Bonnie asked.

"Look at your back right hoof!" I pointed out. Bon Bon looked at her hoof and saw the piece of toilet paper. She glared as she removed it from that hoof using her other hoof, and the toilet paper gets stuck on her other hoof.

"Alright, Bonnie! Ready to go home?" Lyra asked.

"Just a second, I need to talk to Flare in private." Bon Bon said to Lyra.

"Alright, I'll wait outside for you." Lyra said as she started to walk outside, but on the way out while I wasn’t looking, she sticks the piece of gum I was holding for her under one of the tables, even though the trash can was RIGHT THERE!

"Flare I need to tell you a secret." Bonnie asked.

"Oh great, another secret?" I complained.

"What do you mean another secret?" Bonnie asked, giving me a suspicious look.

I paused and started to think about what I was saying. "Uhhh.... a secret that Spike told me. Don't tell anypony... but…" I then whispered to her; “... but he likes to flirt and pose with himself in the mirror."

"Oooooooookay." Bonnie said. "So if I tell you this secret, please don't tell anypony! Please?"

"I vow to the Wizards to keep this secret all to myself. Except for my fish, I tell them everything. Is it ok if I tell my fish?” I asked.

“Sure.” Bonnie said.

“Yes!” I cheered.

"Alright." Bonnie said as she looked around suspiciously, and then she whispered in my ear. "I have a present for Lyra for our  anniversary, and no we're not a couple.”

"Oh really?" I asked. "If you ask me, it shouldn't be a secret. If you tell anypony a secret like this, and they have a problem with it, it's likely because they don't have a true friendship like you and Lyra do, and putting their misery all on you. Who's the wrong one now, huh?! I’M BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU!” I yelled while looking up at the ceiling.

“Uhh, who you talking to?” Bonnie asked.

“I wanna make sure those idiots back at Mareami hear that!” I said.

"Right.” Bonnie nodded. "So for our friendship anniversary…." she takes out two tickets. "I got us some tickets to spend a week Fillydelphia! We're leaving in three days!"

"Oh so that means you're taking a week off, huh?" I asked.

"Yeah, sorry though, but this is important to me." Bonnie said.

"No problemo, sista." I said. "You deserve the vacation! I'm sure I can ask Pinkie and Spike to help out."

Bon Bon gives me a hug. "Thanks, Flare! You're the best boss ever! Well, see you tomorrow!" Bon Bon runs out the door and meets up with Lyra.

"Ah that's so sweet!" I said. "Lyra's going to take Bon Bon on an expensive vacation to Los Pegasus, and Bon Bon is going to take Lyra on an expensive trip to Fillydelphia. Sigh, friendship is a great thing!" I felt pretty good that night. I locked up the shop and walked out smiling with my eyes closed; I then walked over to the Ponyville Cafe, took a seat, and ordered some dinner, because I felt I deserved some. Then I started to drink my drink, which was iced tea, half unsweet and half sweet. As I drink, my eyes opened very wide and then I spat out my iced tea all over the bartender’s face. "WAIT A SECOND!" I yelled. "If Lyra is going to take Bon Bon on vacation at the same day Bon Bon plans to take Lyra on vacation…. Uh oh. This isn't going to end well. Well, when I'm done eating, I'll have to go tell..." I then paused for a second and thought. "Wait, I vowed to keep their presents a secret from eachother, plus they already paid their tickets. Well it looks like they're on their own then. Sad face. I hope they'll understand eachother, because I don't want two of my employees to start having a conflict. I hope things work out for them. This is going to be worse than the time I had that popcorn kernel stuck on my teeth."

A cutaway shows me eating some popcorn while watching a movie, but then one of the kernels got stuck between my teeth. "Hey, popcorn kernel; you can't be here!" one of my teeth said to the kernel.

"Quiet, narc!" the kernel said rudely. When I felt the kernel between my teeth, I tried using my tongue to get it out, but it stayed there and it said, "This is my home now!" The cutaway ends.

Meanwhile over at Bonnie’s house, Lyra was staying over for a little bit and watching a movie with her on Netflix. “We now return to Jack in the Box.” the TV announcer said. A colt was sitting on his bed, turning the little handle on the side of the jack in the box, but just as it was time for POP goes the weasel, Jack Black pops out of the box yelling, “PILE DRIVE TO THE FACE!” the colt gets scared and runs away. “My life is good! Really good!” ‘Jack’ in the box said.

“So, Lyra, how you liking  the movie so far?” Bonnie asked.

“It’s pretty good! I’ve always adored Jack Black. I also adored that meal you whipped up for me!” Lyra said.

“I know how much you love mozzarella sticks and dip.” Bonnie said.

“I do! I just love putting that thing in my mouth, and when it comes out, sticky stuff sticks onto my teeth.” Lyra said.

“AH HA! Ha ha haaaaaaaaaa!” an ostrich laughed while sitting on the chair next to the couch.

“I don’t get it, how is that funny?” Lyra asked.

“Heck if I know.” Bonnie shrugged. “By the way, thank you for the cheesecake, you’re right, it’s my favorite!”

“It would’ve been easier if they built a Cheesecake Factory restaurant in Ponyville; my cousin, Angel Heartstrings says that place is one of his favorite restaurants.” Lyra said.

“I never tried it.” Bonnie said.

“If you ever go to one of the bigger cities, you’ll be able to eat at one.” Lyra said.

“Speaking of that, I got a present for you.” Bonnie said.

“A present, for me?” Lyra asked.

“Our friendship anniversary is coming soon and I wanted to give you something special for the occasion!” Bonnie said.

“Cool! Is it a pair of Hulk Hands?” Lyra asked, and then she yelled in the Hulk’s voice; “LYRA SMASH! LYRA PUNCH! LYRA POW!”

Bonnie chuckles. “No, Lyra, it isn’t a pair of Hulk hands.”

After a few seconds of silence, Lyra says in a Hulk voice; “LYRA saaaaaad.”

“Don’t worry, what I got for you is much, much better.” Bonnie said.

“So if it’s better than Hulk hands, then it must be The Thing’s hands!” Lyra said excitedly. “I love the Fantastic Four!”

“No, what?” Bonnie asked.

“I’m only implying to what I really like.” Lyra said.

“Here, just take a look at what I got you.” Bonnie gave Lyra an envelope.

“Wow, how ironic! I got you an envelope as well!” Lyra gave Bonnie another one.

“Oh I hope it’s a Hoops and Yoyo card. I love those silly little guys.” Bonnie said.

“Yeah, they make me laugh.” Lyra said.

“So…. Who’s going to open who’s first?” Bonnie asked.

“You do it.” Lyra suggested.

“Naaaaaah, you.” Bonnie said.

“No, no, no, you do it.” Lyra argued with her playfully.

“I gave you yours first.” Bonnie said.

“I gave yours second, and it saves the best for last, and your present for me is last, so open it.” Lyra explained.

“Alright, alright, how about we both open eachother’s presents at the same time?” Bonnie suggested.

“Sounds good!” Lyra said.

"On the count to three.” Bonnie stated.

Then they both counted: "One... two... three!" Then they both took out their tickets at the same time.

"Huh?" Bonnie asked confusingly. "What are these?"

"These are tickets for you and me to go to Los Pegasus in three days! We're going to spend a week there!" Lyra said. "What are these?"

"These are tickets for a week in Fillydelphia; we're leaving in three days." Bonnie said.

"Well, I paid alot of money for our tickets to Los Pegasus, so let's go to Fillydelphia next year, and go to Los Pegasus this year!" Lyra suggested.

"No, I think we should go to Fillydelphia this year, and go to Los Pegasus next year." Bonnie suggested.

Lyra rasp-berried and said; "Fillydelphia sounds boring. In Los Pegasus, there is Applewood, the celebrities, the theaters!"

"Well Los Pegasus sounds a bit too much." Bonnie thought. "Fillydelphia has lots of history! We'll learn alot over there! And not to mention it's beautiful!"

"Los Pegasus is lots of cool search lights and music!" Lyra said.

"Fillydelphia has great art and museums. They have shows as well you know!" Bonnie said.

Then Lyra started getting frustrated. "Los Pegasus has theme parks!"

Bonnie also started getting frustrated. "Fillydelphia has fine cuisine!"

"Los Pegasus contains agents that’ll give us contracts so we’ll be rich!” Lyra yelled.

"The one who discovered electricity lived in Fillydelphia!" Bonnie yelled.

"Fillydelphia is boring!" Lyra yelled.

"Los Pegasus is too expensive!" Bonnie yelled.

"Fillydelphia is too quiet!" Lyra yelled.

"Los Pegasus has many celebrities that are in rehab!” Bonnie yelled.

Then they went into eachother's faces yelling at eachother for 10 minutes saying which city is better.

"WE'RE GOING TO LOS PEGASUS, AND THAT IS FINAL!" Lyra yelled.

"NO! WE'RE GOING TO FILLYDELPHIA, AND THAT IS FINAL!" Bonnie yelled.

"I PAID ALOT OF MONEY FOR LOS PEGASUS!" 

"I PAID ALOT OF MONEY FOR FILLYDELPHIA!"

"WELL IF YOU WANT TO GO SO MUCH, WHY DON'T YOU GO YOURSELF?!" 
Lyra suggested.

"MAYBE I WILL!" Bonnie yelled.

"FINE!" 

"FINE!" 

"I don’t even know why we bothered hanging with eachother! All everypony does is call us a couple! I knew hanging with you was a bad idea!” Lyra yelled.

"GO AHEAD! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE ANYWAY!” Bonnie yelled.

"THEN DON'T TALK TO ME EITHER!" Lyra yelled.

"THAT’S NOT WHAT I SAID, BUT NO MATTER; DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!" Bonnie yelled.

"FINE!" Lyra yelled.
.
"FINE!" Bonnie yelled.

Bon Bon angrily marched to the bathroom, brushed her teeth, went into the bedroom and slammed the door. Lyra angrily marched into the kitchen, grabbed a glass, got some water, grabbed some blankets from the closet, and laid on the couch, but after laying for a little while, Lyra got off the couch and said, “Wait, I don’t live here.” So she marched over to the front door, walked out, and slammed the door, but she came back inside shortly after, grabbed her tickets, then walked back out and slammed the door. After a little while, Lyra marched back in, grabbed a flower vase and yelled, “THIS IS MINE!” then walked out and slammed the door again, but after that third slam, the door locks break. “I’m not paying for that! Pay for that with your stupid tickets!” she yelled and walked away from her house. Lyra then stopped and thought to herself, "ARE we a couple?"

The next morning came; Bon Bon was on her way to the work. Lyra did the same from her house across the street; Bon Bon looks at her, then looks away; Lyra looks away as well. All morning they just ignored eachother, and sometimes gave eachother ugly looks, but they didn't say a word to eachother at all. They got to my shop at the same time, and when Lyra was going through the door, Bon Bon pushed her out of the way so she can walk in first. Lyra then ran up to Bon Bon and pushed her back. Bon Bon and Lyra got very angry and they started fighting and screaming and taunting eachother. After all that fighting, Lyra knocked into another pegasus named Sunny Rays, causing her to drop her pizza. She was in shock and started to cry. Lyra and Bon Bon kept on fighting, and were unaware of what happened.

I came out of my office with a magazine and said, “Hey Bonnie, Lyra, you around? I found this really cool picture on this magazine and it matches my expression!” I said as I made, once again, the smirky look with my bottom teeth biting my upper lip, and one side of my mouth facing upward. Just then, I saw Lyra and Bonnie fighting with eachother, and everypony was watching them in either concern or fright. "What the Wizard of Hope is going on?! I don’t pay you to entertain customers!” I just then saw Sunny Rays crying, and by the looks of things, Lyra and Bonnie weren’t fighting for entertainment. “Hey, hey! Break it up, break it up!” I walked into the middle of the fight and split the two apart. "What are you two fighting about?" 

"Lyra wants us to go to Los Pegasus, but I already paid for a trip to Fillydelphia!" Bonnie said angrily.

"Fillydelphia is boring! Los Pegasus is the key to fun!" Lyra said.

"Says you!" Bonnie yelled. "FILLYDELPHIA!"

"LOS PEGASUS!" Lyra argued.

"FILLYDELPHIA!"

"LOS PEGASUS!"

"FILLYDELPHIA!"

"LOS PEGASUS!"

"SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU!" I yelled. "Wow, how come I'm not surprised face about this fight? Regardless, either place is better than Mareami I suppose.”

"Flare, you knew about the gift! You could've said something to her!” Lyra complained.

"You knew about Lyra's gift? Why didn't you tell me?" Bonnie asked.

"YOU TOLD HIM ABOUT MY GIFT?! Flare, you could've told me!" Lyra complained

“I kept your secret?! Why didn’t I tell you?!” I asked.

“Because you promised!” they both said at the same time.

"And there’s your answer. Aren’t I clever?” I asked smiling and humming to myself. Lyra and Bonnie both looked at eachother confusingly. “Yeah, see? You did remember! Lawl you did remember!”

“Flare, tell her that she should be grateful on the generous gift I’m giving us both.” Lyra demanded.

“My gift is far more gracious than yours!” Bonnie yelled.

“I’m ashamed of both of you!” I said angrily. “You both plan an expensive vacation away from Ponyville, and you didn’t even bother buying me a ticket?”

Sunny Rays was still crying. I walked over to her, pat her on the back, and said; "There, there, sista! No need to weep, angel. What seems to be the problem?"

Sunny Rays sniffled and said; "Well.... I was getting my pizza....” she sniffled. “I was walking to my table.... I.... never had your pizza before..... and now I wasted..... 10 bits on this pizza that's now ruined!" Then she started crying again. 
I hugged Sunny Rays, and she hugged back crying on my shoulder.

“There, there, Sunny.” I said, trying to comfort her. “Everything will be alright, it could be worse; you might be one of those ponies that are stuck with cable.”

A cutaway shows a green unicorn with a brown mane, purple eyes, and a sword flank tattoo, goes by the name of Adventure Blade, or better known as Keith, sitting down on his sofa watching his TV until his cable goes out. Keith decides to call the cable company for some assistance. A voice in the background says as Keith does all these things: “When the cable company leaves you on hold, you feel trapped; if you feel trapped, you try to feel free.” Keith climbs onto a mountain top and feels the fresh air. 
“If you try to feel free, you try hang-gliding; if you try hang-gliding, you crash into things.” He crashes into electric wires. “If you crash into things, the grid goes down.” The whole city of Canterlot goes dark. “When the grid goes down, crime goes up.” All the stores in Canterlot get raided by the townfolk. “And if crime goes up, your dad gets punched over a can of soup.” Keith’s dad gets punched in the stomach while raiding a grocery store during a blackout for some soup. “Don’t let your dad get punched over a can of soup; get rid of cable and switch to DirectTV. Call 1-800-DIRECT-TV.” The cutaway ends.

“Now you two need to get along, capieche?” I instructed Lyra and Bonnie. “Your fighting is affecting my business, and I’m gonna lose money that way, and I’m not just saying that because I could care less about your friendship, which B-T-W, I do, but still, the fighting’s gotta stop. Can’t you take it outside, or at least apologize? You know what, on second thought, just apologize.”

Lyra and Bon Bon felt bad, so Bon Bon sighed and said; "Lyra?"

Lyra looked at Bon Bon and said; "Yes?"

They both gave eachother a sorry-look. It looks like their going to apologize, but then Bon Bon gave Lyra an ugly look and said; "Your face is ugly!”

“What?! I’m far more cuter than you; your parents said so, and so did the fandom!” Lyra said.

Bonnie gasped. “Tis a lie!”

“Tis no lie; want me to call your parents and ask them?” Lyra asked with her cell phone out.

“I forbid you to talk to them!” Bonnie grabbed Lyra’s phone out of her hooves.

“HEY! That’s mine!” Lyra yelled.

Bonnie dials on Lyra’s phone, waited for the pony on the other line to pick up, and Bonnie said in Lyra’s voice; “Hello, Angel? Yeah, it’s Lyra, hey. I just wanted to say…. Cheesecake Factory can rot because it’s the worst place ever and nopony would wanna go to it. Hope you’re feeling well! Bye!” Bonnie hung up, and gave the phone back to Lyra. Lyra just glared at her.

“Your cousin is surely never going to talk to you again.” Bonnie smirked at Lyra.

“You crossed the line!” Lyra said angrily.

“You crossed the line when we first met!” Bonnie said.

“GET OUT! I’M NOT WORKING AT THE SAME STORE AS YOU!” Lyra yelled.

“No, I like working here.” Bonnie said.

“Well I do too.” Lyra glared at Bonnie close to her face, and Bonnie did the same.

“Now kiss.” A pony whispered.

“WE’RE NOT A COUPLE!” they both yelled at the pony. “SHUT UP!” they both yelled at eachother. So the two ponies went their separate ways; Lyra walked out the front door, and Bon Bon went out the side door. After Lyra got outside, she took out her wallet, and tore up her picture of her and Bon Bon; Bon Bon did the same thing to her picture in her wallet, and I took out my wallet and drew a mustache on Spike who's on the photo, after that, I just stood there with Sunny Rays still weeping on my shoulder. 

All the other customers watched the whole thing, and then they all looked at Sunny and I, I said, "What you all looking at? This isn’t Days of our Lives. Go ahead back to your pizzas, and I'll take care of this drama. Speaking of Days of our Lives, I can’t believe a soap opera shows last longer than anything else on TV.” I turned over to Sunny and said, "C'mon, next pizza's on me! Nice and fresh, and it’s certainly hulk smashing. What do ya say?" Sunny stopped crying and smiled at me.

Its closing time now and I walked over to Bonnie’s house, and I rang the doorbell, and she opened the door. "Oh, hi Flare." she said to me still looking upset. I kept ringing the doorbell with a derp look on my face. Bon Bon sighed and said, "Can I help you with anything?" I kept ringing the door bell, and Bon Bon just stood there waiting for me to stop. Soon, I finally released it, but with much resistant.

“I like ringing doorbells, but I like those fancy Big Ben chimes the best though.” I said.

"What do you want?" Bonnie asked.

"What happened to you and Lyra at the shop this morning?" I asked.

"Oh.... that. Neither of us could agree on what we should do for our anniversary." Bonnie said.

"Well.... maybe I can work things out." I said.

"Don't worry, Flare. I have it all taken care of.” Bonnie said.

"Really? That’s great!” I said excitedly.

"How is it great?" Bonnie asked.

I then lost my smile. Jeez, I could go for a Happy Meal right now. "Forty-five degree angle mouth face. I-D-K. I thought you two worked things out?" I asked.

"Nope, I ain’t talking to her again. I removed her from my phone contacts, my facebook friends, and I unfollowed her on Twitter.” Bonnie said.

"You know what’s ironic about Facebook friends? I only see my number go down if someone unfriends me, but I have no idea who it was. There needs to be a notification saying who did it.” I thought.

"Yep; now I'm moving on with my life, and I'm happy!" She said with a smile. 

“Well, for one I’m glad you’re happy, we should always be happy, but if you ask me, that seems to be a ridiculous reason to not be friends with somepony anymore. For example, the reasonable reasons of not being friends with somepony else anymore is: betrayal is one, ummm, oh another thing is lying because nopony likes a liar, and of course the absolute worst out of ponies you shouldn’t be friends with anymore, is the ones that give you the wrong information, which is the reason why I was banned from the disco.”

A cutaway shows a bunch of ponies dancing inside a disco to some 80’s songs. I walked inside with a blind fold and a big stick; I whacked the disco ball with the stick and it breaks into thousands of pieces. “Yay, I win!” I cheered as I started grabbing as much of the glass as I could, thinking it was candy, and I started eating them. “Hey! This candy tastes like blood.” I said excitedly. The cutaway ends.

“But regardless Bonnie, I’m glad you’re happy without Lyra. I promise I’ll do all I can to help you find a new best friend.” I smiled and placed my hoof on her shoulder. 

“Can you do that?” Bonnie asked.

“I have to be honest with you, I’m nopony special, Bonnie, and I’m currently I’m still a rookie on the whole friendship thing, but I promise I’ll do all I can.” I said. “But regardless, I’m glad you’re happy without Lyra. You sure took it like a strong mare! I mean, she was your best friend; you did everything together, like you keep complaining to her to sit properly, you comfort her for every time she loses her pie because of a parasprite infestation, and of course let’s not forget about you both getting upset together because everypony keeps calling you two a couple, and even though you were upset, you were upset TOGETHER. I’m glad you didn’t take it too hard for losing her, and are not going to do anything together anymore; you’re moving on, and forgetting about those good times; I am so proud of you, Bonnie!”

Her smile faded away and she started to cry. She held me close to her said; "Oh, Flare! Who am I kidding? Lyra is the best pony I’ve ever met in all of Equestria! This wouldn've happened if she would've accepted my gift!"

"Don't worry, Bonnie! This is your best chance to be free!" I said. "Also you're squishing my appendix."

Bon Bon started to calm down. "Friendship is hard sometimes; especially if it's someone you've been friends with since childhood, but all certain friends would do is overstate what the friend gives them, and all they would do is just ask for gifts, go to movies, spend lots and lots of bits, want alot of attention, text constantly! That's why I stay single. I don’t think having a stallionfriend would be any better. Lyra would’ve been begging for attention, and get jealous of me and my new stallionfriend.”

“That’s pretty much the reason why I stay single too, but not because of a jealousy of friend, but because the relationship was all a lie.” I said sadly. “Liars; that’s what this world contains, but sometimes you gotta live with them, despite all you’ve been through.”

Bon Bon sniffled and said, "You're single?" 

“And proud of it!” I said. “But still, it would be nice having a mare in my life; one that’s trustworthy, funny, pretty, and most importantly: helpful.”

"Oh.... Well..... then I guess I'll see you tomorrow!" Bonnie said as she started to smile.

"Wow! Feeling better are we?" I asked. "That was easier than expected. I thought you were going to be crying like a little wimpy baby for days!”

“Why would I?” Bonnie asked. “You helped me feel better!”

“That is true, so touch me with your hooves and we’ll see if you can feel better.” I teased.

Bon Bon giggled and felt my fur. "Wow, I didn't know that was funny. That was a joke I make up at the last second. I do that a lot, I can’t help it.”

"Well I guess some ponies don't understand how funny you can be!" Bonnie said fluttering and her eyes at me.

"What's the matter? You got something in your eye?” I asked.

"No. Just.... no." Bonnie said as she stared at me. 

"Why are you staring at me?" I asked. "There something on my face? Must be that donut I had earlier today from Donut Joe. He says he knows Twilight, and he also said he’s here in Ponyville to retrieve a special ingredient for his awesome city of donuts, and he's going to Canterlot for a contest. Some of my other friends are going along, and Spike said he’s going to be staying with me for two nights and we're going to play video games until our eyes bleed mustard! I know that’s not physically possible, but that’s what we’re going to do! Well, catch ya later Bon Bon!" I waved as I walked away.

I didn’t notice, but Bonnie sighed, and still stared at me as I walked away. "Ahhh; maybe I shouldn’t stay single; who needs friends when there are stallions that aren’t exactly dumb or that other mares abuse?" she asked herself. I didn’t think I had it in me, I thought to myself; I mean, I know I’m an awesome stallion, I’m one of the most awesomeist stallions I’ve ever met, but I seriously didn’t expect to make a mare feel better just by saying the first thing that comes to mind; it wasn’t that way back in Mareami. 

Well, enough of that; I started walking home, listening to my Ipod, singing 'Numb' by Linkin Park. I started singing the 'smothering me' part in a calm tone, but when the part 'I become so numb' came, I grabbed a stick and started singing really loud with it. I said the word 'do' in that part of the lyrics awkwardly because the ponies were looking at me weirdly. “What? Is it not ok to say words I don’t know what means? So what if I don’t know what the hay an undertow is? I don’t have toes, so how am I supposed to know what it means?”

Lyra came out from behind the trees and clapped her hooves. "Bravo! Bravo!" she said. 

"Oh thanks!” I said as I just saw her coming from behind the trees. “The song is called Numb, it's from Linkin Park; a park where Link came from. Hey, Lyra, you know something weird? Everypony thinks Link’s name is Zelda. It’s a common misunderstanding though. The video game should be called Legend of Link. Wait, that sounds like an interweb thing.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Lyra nodded.

“So what’s going on?” I asked.

“Just seeing what you were up to. I really have nothing better to do.” Lyra said.

“Hey you rhymed!” I pointed out.

Lyra started laughing. “That’s true, I did!”

“You did done do it?” I asked.

“HEY! That’s what I say!” Pinkie complained as she was standing right next to me.

“Pinkie, aren’t you supposed to be on the train to bring the cake to the dessert competition right now?” I asked.

“Oh right!” Pinkie remembered and runs off.

Lyra continued to laugh. “Flare, you are hilarious!”

“That’s what Bon Bon said!” I pointed out. Lyra stopped laughing and started to cry. “Oh, ok now I know what I did wrong that time.” I said.

"Oh, Flare! You don't know what it's like to be in a long-term sisterhood relationship so long and suddenly lose it!" Lyra cried.

"You’re right; I don’t, except for that one time I had to disguise myself as a girl to join a girls-only slumber party so I can get free root beer.” I said. 

A cutaway shows me and three cats who is also dressed as girls at Human Kimberly’s slumber party; we started playing Truth or Dare with her friends. “Caitlyn, Truth or Dare?” Kimberly started.

“Dare.” Caitlyn said.

“I dare you to…. Drink a whole bottle of root beer!” Kimberly said as Caitlyn drank the whole bottle, and the three cats next to me were getting pretty excited because they’re waiting for their turn so they can drink some.

“You sure this is a good idea, Gordon?” I whispered.

“I told you, it’s Audrey.” Gordon corrected me.

“It’s Lisa.” Waffle and Mr. Blink whispered.

“Caitlyn, truth or dare?” Kimberly asked one of her other friends who is also named Caitlyn.

“Dare.” Caitlyn said.

“I dare you to…. Drink a whole bottle of root beer!” Kimberly said, and Caitlyn did so, and the cats were still excited.

“It’s pretty ironic, to have two friends with the same name.” I said.

“Laser, truth or dare?” Kimberly asked me.

“Dare!” I said excitedly; I then looked at YOU the readers and whispered, “My girl name is Laser Blast, which is also the name of my R-63 self.”

“I dare you to….” Kimberly started as I was about to grab a bottle of root beer, but then Kimberly started, “Run around the house in your underwear and cry out ‘I’m a pretty human’!” 

“I mean truth!” I yelled.

“You cannot change now.” Kimberly corrected me.

“Oh yeah? I just changed into a girl today!” I said.

“Shhhh!” the cats shushed me.

“Hey, you think you have it bad? I don’t get to talk in the entire episode.” Charlotte complained in a Flutterguy voice. “What? Just because I’m huge means I’m not allowed to talk?” The cutaway ends.

Lyra came up to me, held me, and was still weeping. "Holy Wizard of Strength!" I complained. "How many ponies are going to be sobbing on my shoulder today? I think my shoulder is starting to get wrinkled up!"

"Oh Flare! You just don't understand!" Lyra sobbed.

"Looks like it's time to repeat myself." I said to myself, and then I said to her, "Look Lyra, it's okay! This is your best chance to be free!”

“I know, Flare, but friendship is hard sometimes; especially if it's you’ve been friends with them since childhood, but all certain friends would do is overstate what the friend gives them, and would do is just ask for gifts, go to movies, spend lots and lots of bits, want alot of attention, text constantly! That's why I stay single. I don’t think a stallion would be any better. Bon Bon would’ve been begging for attention, and get jealous of me and my new stallionfriend.” Lyra explained.

“Wow, it’s no wonder ponies think you’re in a relationship.” I thought to myself. “Hey, I’m not in a relationship either, and it’s the same reason you aren’t.

Lyra calmed down and asked; "You’re single?"

“Wow, is everypony going to ask me that?” I asked.

"Oh." Lyra said. "Well, thanks for making me feel better!"

"No problemo sister! I didn't even know you were sick in the first place. LAWL!” I teased. Lyra started to laugh. "Wow. I’m on a roll today! Anyways, Spike's waiting for me. We're going to be playing video games all night long; bring out the Lay's and Pepsi! See you tomorrow, Lyra!" I said as I walked away.

Lyra started staring at me as I started to walk away. She moans and says, "Hmmm! He seems so charming! Maybe I found my new special somepony!" I believe the rest of the chapter is fairly obvious, but if you don’t know, allow me to continue.

The next morning came, and I walked out of my trailer, sniffed out the fresh air and said, "Catch ya later, Spike! I have to go to work. But we'll play again tonight. Kay?"

“Hey, while you’re out, can you get some rodent traps? You got a giant rat living under your sink.” Spike suggested.

A giant rat crawls out from under the cabinet under my sink in the kitchen and he says, “I’m just gonna hide under y’all’s sink, and then I’m gonna come out and drink y’all’s soup foam so it’ll look like ah have rabies.” 

So I was just about to skip along the Ponyville streets and hum on the way to work when suddenly I knocked into Bon Bon, whom was standing outside my door. "Oh sorry about that, sista. You're not hurt are you? Are you? Are you? Are you?" I asked.

"No, I'm fine." Bonnie said.

"Are you? Are you? Are you?" I asked repeatedly.

"I'm great, Flare! I never felt better!" Bonnie repeated herself.

"Are you? Are you? Are you? Are you? Are you? Are you?" I asked again.

"Yes! I'm fine. Go ahead, say 'are you' as much as you want. It doesn't bother me a bit.” Bonnie said calmly.

"Wow! Usually ponies ask me nicely to stop, but the ponies from where I'm from would just say 'SHUT UP YOUR ANNOYING!'" I explained.

"Well, only a true friend like me would do anything for somepony as handsome and charming as you!" Bonnie said giving me a seductive look.

"D'AWWWWW! That's so sweet! You are a true friend" I blushed, but still…. OOOOOOO FRIENDZONED! "And speaking of sweet, I think I had too much Lay's and Pepsi last night." I said in a sick tone and I burped. "Excuse me for a second." I rushed inside my trailer to take care of business, and later I came back out with toilet paper stuck on my shoe. "Kay I'm better! Huh? Where's Bon Bon?"

Bon Bon was missing, but Lyra was outside. "Hi, Flare!" Lyra said in a flirty voice.

"Wow, amazing magic trick! You just turned from one pony to another! Anyways, sorry about that. I had too much junk food last night. You know what puzzles me? Why can't the most delicious food be healthy, like chips or soda? Usually the most healthy stuff are not has delish." I asked.

"You make fantastic points, Flare! I like that!" she said as she walked close to me and said in a seductive look and fluttered her eyes. "I really do!"

"What's wrong? You got something in your eye now?" I asked.

"Yep! I see a handsome and charming looking pony in front of me!" Lyra said.

"Wow. The commercials were right! Using this Axe shampoo really does get the ladies all over you!" I said as I held up some Axe shampoo for everyone to see. “Well, anyways, I just remembered, I have to do some errands before heading to work. I'll see you over there later! But if I keep coming back and forth to and from my shop, please don’t keep asking me the same thing over and over again like Barack Obama did to Kim Jong-un during the missile crisis.”

A cutaway shows Kim Jong-un running to the white house and running into Obama’s office and Obama asks, “Have you finished launching those missiles?” Kim Jong-un runs back to North Korea, but suddenly he runs right back to the white house and into Obama’s office, and Obama asks, “Have you finished launching those missiles?” Then Kim ran back to Korea again, and then ran back to the white house, and Obama asks again, “Have you finished launching those missiles?” Ironically, Obama was wearing two hats. The cutaway ends.

"Bye, Flare!" Lyra waved as I trotted away. Lyra sighs and stares at me again as I walked.

So I headed over to the market place to run a couple of errands. Meanwhile, a couple of ponies were talking to a pony behind a stand, and the pony behind the stand explains his stock; "Organic artichokes, organic lettuce, organic carrots...."

"Does your cauliflower have that carbon flip?" the customer asked.

"Not at all." the seller said.

"MELONS!" a pony comedian by the name of Gallagher yells, as he starts smashing the melons with a mallet. "MELONS! OH YEEEEAAAAH!"

"Well that was uncalled for." the customer said.

"Uhh, Mr. Gallagher?" the seller asked.

"INCOMING!" Gallagher yelled, as he continued smashing the melons, and laughed.

"So wasteful!" the seller said, feeling insulted.

Just then two guitar players started playing on stage, and one of them says; "You know, Jimmy; folks who save hundreds of dollars switching to Geico sure are happy!"

"How happy are they, Ronnie?" the other guitar player asked.

"Happier than Gallagher in a farmer's market!" the first guitar player said, as they continued playing their guitars.

"Get happy, get Geico! 15 minutes, could save you 15% or more!" a voice in the background said.

Meanwhile, I look around the area and say to myself; "Now where's that grapefruit stand?"

"Hi, Flare!" Bonnie said walking towards me.

"Wow! What a coincidence to be seeing you here, Bonnie!" I said.

"Well, before I head to work, I wanted to do some errands." Bonnie said.

"Really? Me too!" I said excitedly. "I'm looking for the grapefruit stand."

"Oh! Follow me, I'll take you there!" Bonnie said as she started walking and I followed her.

"So why did you leave my trailer after I was sick?" I asked.

"Oh. Sorry about that. I saw a poster that said 'Video Games for Sale'! So I was like, maybe Flare would want some." Bonnie said.

"Really? Well, thanks!” I said.

“Want me to get you some?” Bonnie asked.

“Oh no thanks; I got so many video games I haven’t even opened yet.” I said.

"Oh but I must get you some! They're really fun! You, Spike, and I can play them all night tonight until our eyes tear mustard!" Bonnie said.

"Wait, you like video games too?" I asked.

"Of course! Now go ahead and get your grapefruit, and meet me at the fountain later!" Bonnie said as she runs off.

"Wait! What about...." I yelled out, but she was already too far away for her to hear me. "I thought you were going to show me where the grapefruit stand is? Sigh." So I was still looking for the grapefruit stand. I was getting pretty impatient. "Angry face! Where the Wizard of Feelings is that grapefruit stand! DANG!" 

"Oh hi, Flare!" Lyra said.

"Oh Lyra! I thought you were heading to the shop?" I asked.

"Oh, I didn't want to be alone with HER!" Lyra said.

"Who? Ditzy? What did she do to you?" I asked.

"No, not Ditzy! That..... I don't want to say her name!" Lyra said.

“She who must not be named? I get it.” I nodded. "Weeeeeell, do you have any idea where the grapefruit stand is?"

"Yes! Follow me!" Lyra said as she began to walk.

"Following.” I said as I started following her.

"You know, I was around the neighborhood and I found this!" Lyra said taking out a cellphone.

"Holy Wizard of Strength! Is that... my cell phone? HAPPY FACE! I lost this in the sewers yesterday! Where did you find it?" I asked.

"At the trainstation after you said your farewells to Pinkie Pie and the others after they left for Canterlot, I decided to go through the sewers to get it back. I was there all night looking for it! I found it, and it was still working!" Lyra said.

"WOW LYRA! Thank you! I mean, this is great!" I said as I hugged her. 

"No problem, Flare! I still have to drop off my paycheck to the bank. I'll see you later, Flare!" Lyra said as she ran off.

“WAIT!” I yelled, but she was top far away. “Really, what can a stallion do to know where a simple grapefruit stand is?!”

I took me a while, but I finally found the grapefruit stand, and bought some nice fresh grapefruits; afterwards I walked to the olive stand and got some olives, then I bought some onions and peppers; most of these are for the shop though. While I was walking to the shroom stand, I saw Bon Bon again.

"Hi, Flare!" Bonnie said, holding up a stack of video games.

"Hey, Bonnie! Nice collection of video games!” I said impressively.

“Thanks! I’m actually giving them all to you.” Bonnie said.

“But I told you I didn’t want any.” I said.

“C’mon, I insist! You’re the coolest pony ever!” Bonnie said.

“Naaaah, I wouldn’t say the coolest. I mean, I don’t wear a black leather jacket, have some thick black wavy hair, or lean on a jukebox and it play a random 50’s rock song as I kick it, but the awesomest pony, I wouldn’t argue with you there.” I said.

“Well, if you want me to return these, I can.” Bonnie offered.

“Well, let’s not be so copy ‘n pasty now; you did, after all, offer these to me, and went through all the trouble, soooooo…. I’ll take them off your back.” I said as I took the video games. “Thank you, sista!”

"You're welcome!" Bonnie said. "Listen, Flare. I want to ask you something."

"Axe away!" I said. "But careful of how you swing!"

Bon Bon chuckles and says; "There was something I've always wanted to tell you. It's kinda personal."

“Is it the reason why you keep laughing at my unfunny jokes?” I asked.

“Yeah, kinda, but this is a HUGE favor.” Bonnie said.

"No, you're not getting a raise right now. I'll let you know when you're ready for it." I said.

"No, I don't care about that. I wanted to say..... well.... you've been the most kindest, funniest, and most handsome pony I've ever met in my entire life!" Bonnie said.

“Kindest? Wow, that’s a new one.” I chuckled

"So, I was wondering. Do you have plans tonight?" Bonnie asked.

"Well I was looking forward to play Mass Effect with Spike later." I said.

"Oh! It's okay then, I just wanted to ask you out to dinner! My treat!" Bonnie offered.

"Oh, alright then! I'll have to talk to Spike though. Hang on.” So I took out my cell phone and gave Spike a quick phone call. "Hello? Yeah, what's going on brah? Yeah. Uh huh. Listen, Bon Bon is treating me for dinner tonight. Alright. Yeah. Of course! No I didn’t get the rodent traps. I’m not going to, I hate killing things. Oh we’re just putting it in a coma? Ok, I can live with that. Yes, my mom calls me every morning, just delete all the voice messages on my answering machine. I don’t care if Aunt Beretta Gun’s in the hospital, delete all the messages. Alright, thanks bro! Bye!" I ended the call, and I said to Bon Bon, "Alright, as long as we don't stay out too late, we're cool!"

"Great! So I'll meet you at Soup ‘n Salads, oh say 8:00?" Bonnie asked.

"AM or PM?" I asked.

"PM silly!" Bonnie said.

"Sorry, I can't make 8:00, but I can make 8:01! Lion face." I teased.

"Oooookay, see you then!" Bonnie said as she kisses me on the cheek and walks away.

I just stood there in silence with a derp-look on my face. “What?” I asked myself. “What? Wh-wh-WHAT?!”

Just then the ponies that were waiting in line for mushrooms were getting impatient. "Hey, hurry it we want some shrooms!” one of the ponies said impatiently.

"Yeah, really, really, really, really good! So, yeah, hurry, please. What’s taking you so long? Come on! Come on!” a very hyper and skinny pale, and bloodshot eyed pony said.

I walked away with my groceries, mostly because that hyper pony that really wanted the shrooms kinda freaked me out. On the way to the shop, guess what happened…. I met up with Lyra again!

"Hey again, Flarey!" Lyra said.

"You kinda remind me of my sister, because she calls me Flarey. What’s going on?” I asked.

"Just coming back from the bank! Where you going?" Lyra asked.

"Back to the shop, where you should be right now.” I said.

"Of course!" Lyra chuckled and said. "So.... um, Flare? I just wanted to ask you something."

"You too, huh? Well be sure to aim for the tree, not the Flarester!" I said.

"Well, I'm kinda nervous. I don't.... think I can.... do it." Lyra stuttered.

"Lyra, you can tell me anything! You told me about your secret, and I told nopony! Well, except that everypony found out earlier. I don’t remember, did I tell everypony your secret?” I asked.

“Alright, well….” Lyra gulps. “Here it goes.”

“Taste it stops.” I said.

"Alright..... it's.... coming." Lyra said very nervously.

"So is Hearth's Warming. Mischievious face." I said.

"So, Flare.... will you go out to dinner with me?" Lyra asked with an embarrassing smile on her face and she lets out a squee.

"Oh, tonight?" I asked.

"Yeah!" Lyra said.

"Well, I'd love to! Although....." 

"YOU WILL?! GREAT!" Lyra cheered in excitement. "So we'll meet at the Taco Shack across from Salads 'n' Soups later at 8:05 tonight!"

“That’s great, Lyra!” I said. "Well, the thing is....." 

"You're the best, Flare! I knew I can count on you!" Lyra cheered then she kissed me on the cheek and ran away.

“What?!” I shouted. “Wh-wh-WHAT?! Wait, isn’t the male pony suppose to ask the female out? Wait a second…. Uh oh; I'm a deep-water now!" Just then, out of the blue or out of the bloom however you say it, I appeared in the middle of a lake, and I started to sink into the water without moving a muscle from my body. Bubbles came out of the water, and one of the bubbles came up and popped, and it said, "Sad face." But really, this here is troubling for me. This seems like a ‘duh’ moment, but I think Bonnie and Lyra have a crush on me. That how you say it? Have a crush, or is it has a crush? Anyways, at the end of the day, I was back at home playing Mass Effect with Spike. I was playing, but looked upset, and it was spoiling my tactics; it worried Spike.

"What's going on, bro?" Spike asked. "You don't seem to be playing as good today."

"Well, let's just say, I bit off more than I can swallow." I said.

"Chew.” Spike corrected me.

“Gesundheit.” I said. “Anyways, I believe I'm about to lose one or two friendships tonight. Sad face.” I said.

"What happened?" Spike asked as he paused the game and lets go of the controller.

"Well.... you know my employees: Lyra and Bon Bon, right?" I asked.

"Of course I do, everypony knows them.” Spike said.

A cutaway shows a bunch of angry background ponies. “What? Don’t I matter?” Amethyst Star asked.

“Doesn’t anypony know we exist?!” Sassaflash complained.

“After all we’ve been through!” Sea Swirl complained.

“I was with Derpy when we accidentally dropped packages on Twilight, and all the attention was on her, and I share Derpy’s design!” Raindrops complained.

“Can I get in on this?” Frederick Horseshoepin asked. “Everypony pays attention to one member of our band: Octavia, and nopony even pays attention to me, Beauty Brass, or Parish Nandermane?” 

“Hey, you got a character on the app, I don’t know why you’re complaining.” Sea Swirl pointed out. The cutaway ends.

"So it turns out they both gave eachother a different vacation for them both to go on, but neither of them agreed, then they started traveling their separate ways.” I explained. “Now, after I sweet talked them, they both want to go out with me, and now I-D-K what to do."

"Wow, this seems serious." Spike said as he patted me on the shoulder. "Why is your shoulder all wrinkled up and soggy?"

"Three ponies cried on it yesterday." I said. "It's tough trying to make ponies feel better."

"Well I'm no expert on dating, but if you want to try to make both of them happy and keep their friendship with you, I might have an idea." Spike said.

"You 'might' have an idea?" I asked.

"Okay. Do they both want to meet you at the same place?" Spike asked.

"No. Bon Bon wants to meet me at the Soup ‘n Salads, and Lyra wants to meet me at Taco Shack." I said.

"Great! So they're just right across the street from eachother!" Spike said. "So how about you go to Bon Bon first, say you need to go to the bathroom, or something so you can move with Lyra on her date, then switch between the two until the dates are over!"

"Oh no! I'm not doing that! We've all seen Mrs. Doubtfire! That renovation just doesn't work!" I said.

"Just try it. Do you have a better plan?" Spike asked.

"No." I said.

"Then just do it. I believe in you, bro!" Spike said.

"Thanks, brah! You're the best!" I said as we bro-hoofed, or bro-clawed, whichever.

“By the way, the rat that’s in a coma right now, it turns out that he was only here for food for his children, and now his family is under the trailer and they’re starving.” Spike pointed out.

“Well, that’s no problem, we can just take care of them until daddy wakes up again.” I suggested.

“Good idea.” Spike nodded.

“Great, so you take care of the rat children, I’m gonna plan my date!” I said as I walked out.

“Sure, you got it, Fla-HEY!” Spike yelled.

So it was 8:01, and Bon Bon was waiting at the Soup ‘n Salads. Bon Bon sighed and said; "Where is he?" Just then, I walked inside the restaurant and sat down across of Bon Bon. “Hey, baby!” she said.

I felt a little uncomfortable by hearing the word 'baby' during these circumstances. "Hey.” I said.

"You look handsome!" she said to him smiling.

"Thanks! You too!" I said.

Bon Bon giggled and said; "Silly! I can't be handsome, I'm a mare! I can only be beautiful!"

"Straight face." I said. "Yeah, of course..... what was I thinking?” I was feeling  pretty nervous right now. I really didn't want to be on this date, but do I have a choice right now? I looked at my cell phone clock and it was 8:02.

"Sooooo, how are your fish?" Bonnie asked.

"They're great! Dorthey usually splashes me when I feed her, but today, she actually splashed me before I feed her!” I said.

Bon Bon giggled and said, "Your fish are crazy!" 

"Yeah, I know.” I said. “Hey, have you seen Mrs. Doubtfire?”

“No.” Bonnie said.

“Ok good.” I said.

“Why is it good?” Bonnie asked.

“Do you want to see Robin Williams dressed as a woman?” I asked.

After a while, 8:05 came, and it was time to go to the next part of my plan, I got out of my seat and said; "Listen, Bonnie. I have to go pee-pee! Oh man, I have to go pee-pee real bad!" I started dancing.

"Okay, okay! I'll wait for you!" Bonnie said as she winked at me.

So I walked out of the Soup ‘n Salads and walked across the street to Taco Shack, and saw Lyra waiting, and I sat down at the round booth she’s sitting at. "Hey, sugar-plum!" Lyra said, looking at me seductively.

"I... I didn't know there was sugar.... in.... in plums! L-O-L!" I said nervously.

Lyra giggled. "You have such a great sense of humor! I think that's romantic!” Lyra said moving closer to me.

"Uhhh.... yeah." I said nervously as I tried to move away from her. Lyra came closer, I moved away again, she moved closer, and I moved away until I fell off the side of the booth. 

Lyra giggled and asked, “Are you alright?”

“Personal space.” I said. “I need my personal outer space.”

“If you say so.” Lyra shrugged as I hopped back onto the booth.

“Ugh that’s disgusting!” I complained.

”What’s wrong?” Lyra asked.

“There’s gum under these tables!” I said.

“Oh now that’s nasty.” Lyra said. So after we talked for a few minutes, it was time to switch places.

"Listen, Lyra, I have to go pee-pee, real bad!" I said as I danced around in place.

"Go on ahead! Nopony's stopping you!" Lyra said.

"Thanks!" I said as I ran out the door and went back to Bon Bon. I ran inside the restaurant, and sat down with her, panting and wheezing.

"Wow, Flare! You look tired!" Bonnie pointed out.

"Huh? Oh yeah, it turned out I needed to poop. It really takes a lot out of ya.” I said.

"How about a nice shoulder massage?" Bonnie offered.

After hearing that offer, I did that facial expression I did earlier in the chapter; the one with the teeth and side-ways angle smirk. "Oh, no. It's fine. I don't....." 

"No worries! You'll need it!" Bonnie insisted as she walked behind Flare and gave me a massage. Holy Wizard of Feelings! Looks like Bon Bon is really desperate for a relationship. She's doing too much for me, and I'm not liking this; it's going to be really hard to get her and Lyra’s friendship back on track, but there’s something about all this that’s not really adding up, but I can’t place my non-existing finger on it.

After a few minutes of massages, I said, "Listen, I have to.... go poo-poo again.”

"Oh, alright!" Bonnie said as she stopped. "Take your time!"

"Don't worry I will!" I said as I ran back to Lyra at Taco Shack.

"Soooo, did you think about me in there?" Lyra asked, giving me a seductive look.

"I hardly think that’s any of your business.” I said in a fancy voice.

"Are you okay, sweetie? You seem a little nervous." Lyra said worryingly.

"Nervous?" I asked. "Nope; no nervous pony here. No nervous pony here. Please leave a message after the beep. Beeeeeeeeeep!"

"You need to relax! Here, I'll give you a hind hoof massage!" Lyra offered.

"Oh no, it's alright. My shoes have been on all day, and my hind hooves are likely to be a wee bit stinky and dirty." I said.

"Oh nonsense! I can handle it!" Lyra said, then she went under the table, took off my front left shoe and started massaging it.

“Are you sure you can handle it?” I asked.

“Of course, I clean up your shop bathroom all the time.” Lyra said. Ok, this is getting way out of hoof. Lyra seems desperate too, and me just letting her do all this nice stuff for me isn't helping her getting back together with Bon Bon. I'm really between a rock and a hard place right now. As I was thinking that, somepony placed a rock to the right of me. 

"Hey, mind if I keep this here?" the pony asked.

"Not at all.” I said. Just then ,another pony moved a metal cube with the words 'A Hard Place' on it at the other side of me.

"Really?” I asked annoyingly, and the pony shrugged.

After a few minutes went by, I pointed to the other side of the room and said to Lyra. "Hey, is that a human?”

“WHAT?! WHERE?!” Lyra looks over in excitement as I ran back to Bonnie in a flash.

"I'm here!" I said as I sat down with her.

"Great!" Bonnie said as she looked down under the table and asked, "Where's one of your shoes?"

“Why are you looking down there?” I asked.

”Just askin’.” Bonnie said.

"Uh oh, must have left it in the bathroom. Back in a sec!" I said as I was just about to run back to Taco Shack to get it, but then the waiter came over and brought the food we ordered.

"Dinner is served!" he said.

"Well, I'll get it later. Let's enjoy our meals!" I said. I can never say no to a nutritious meal! I started shoveling my food in my mouth really fast because I needed to get back to Lyra. As I was shoveling the food down my throat, some of the food gets on Bon Bon.

"Wow, you sure seem hungry!" Bonnie said, wiping the food off her face.

“What is this, 20 questions or something?” I asked impatiently.

“That wasn't even a question.” Bonnie corrected me.

When I was finished, which actually took me 62 seconds to complete the whole meal, I said to Bonnie, "Going to go find my shoe! B-R-B!" So I ran back to Lyra and I saw the food is already ready.

"Alright, you're back!" Lyra said excitedly. "The food came while you were gone!"

"Well what do you know! I sure am starving!" I said, as my stomach rumbled and I was already feeling full. I quickly shovel my food down my throat in a heart-beat, and some of the food gets on Lyra.

"Wow, you sure are hungry tonight, babe!" Lyra said, as she wipes her face with her napkin.

"Lyra, you’re more alike to Bonnie than you think.” I pointed out. 

“Don’t mention her name to me!” Lyra yelled. After I finished my food, I started to feel a bit sick. "Are you alright, babe? You seem a little under the weather."

"Nonsense, I'm fine." I said as I felt something coming up my throat, but I swallowed it and kept it down. "I'm going to go get a tum. B-R-B." So I started limping over to the Soup ‘n Salads as I held my stomach in pain.

"My, my! You don't look so hot." Bonnie said in worry as I sat next to her.

"What? You don't think I'm hot anymore?" I asked.

"No! I think you're very hot!" Bonnie yelled. "It's just... you look sick."

"Nope, not sick. No sick pony here!" I lied. "Please leave a message after the beep. Beeeeeeeep!"

"So, I suppose you're ready for your present?" Bonnie asked.

"Present?" I asked.

"Yes!" Bonnie said as she took out a necklace and places it around my neck.

"Wow! It's beautiful!" I said as I gave out a sickly burp. "How do I look?"

"Adorable!" Bonnie said, fluttering her eyes at me.

"Thanks!” I smiled. “Praise the- ooooooh.” It looked like I was going to do number 4, so I run outside and vomit in the trash can. I laid my head on the trash can as I tried to catch my breath; my face also turned green; I then walked back to Lyra at Taco Shack and sat down with bubbles popping over my head.

"Wow, Flare! You're turning green!" she said.

"Well it ain't easy being green." I said.

"Well now that you're here.... TIME FOR DESERT!" Lyra yelled. Then a group of Mexican singer ponies started playing music, and one placed a sombrero on me and they gave me a big sundae with a brownie inside, and some hot sauce in it.

I just stuck out my tongue and said, “Bleh.”

Suddenly, out of suspicion, Lyra looks at the necklace that's around my neck. "Hey! Where did you get that necklace? I didn't see you wear before you came back."

"Huh?!” I yelled as I took off the necklace and places it behind my back. "Necklace? What necklace?"

"The necklace that's behind your back?" Lyra pointed out.

"Oh this?" I asked, taking out the necklace, and I suddenly got really nervous again. I had to think of what to say, but luckily I thought of an idea just like that. "I got it.... for you! Here take it!"

Lyra became very happy and she gasped. "Oh my! Flare it's beautiful!" Lyra hugs Flare and says; "Flare, I think you are my very special somepony!" she then suddenly kisses me in the mouth.

I froze, and my eyes start to shrink and sweat started running down my face. This didn't feel right to me. What’s Lyra’s problem?  After Lyra was done kissing, I said; "That was great, Lyra! But I have to.... go get my shoe!" I ran out the door and ran back to the Soup ‘n Salads.

“Wait! Your shoe is….” Lyra called out, but I was already gone before she can tell me that my shoe was under the table.

I ran back to Bonnie in the flash, and she was starting to get a bit suspicious. "Where have you been?" Bonnie asked. "And why are you wearing a sombrero?"

"Oh this?" I asked as I took off the sombrero and think of a lie to get me out of this. "It's.... for you, Bonnie! I hope you like it!" I gave Bon Bon the sombrero, and she placed it on her head.

"Oh Flare! This is the most wonderful thing anypony has ever given me!" Bonnie said as her eye pupils grew. She then leans close to me and says, "Flare, I think I've found my very special somepony!" Bon Bon then kisses me in the mouth as well. Wow, I am so totally a mess right now! I gotta find a way out of this, and get these two’s friendship back in order. At this moment I felt that I knew the reason why they were so attracted to me. I mean really, who could be attracted to somepony handsome like me? Doesn’t make sense.

"Pardon me, Bonnie.” I interrupted her. “But I have to...." 

I just cut off in mid-sentence, and I start running out of the restaurant and into the middle of the street, but uh oh, I’m in trouble now! Lyra was standing there in the middle of the street and asks me, "Flare? Seriously, why are you avoiding me?"

Bon Bon runs out of the street as well and asks; "Flare, what's going on....?" Bon Bon notices Lyra standing in front of me and she gets really angry. "What are you doing here?!"

“I'm on a date with my new special somepony: Flare!" Lyra said taking my hoof.

“Oh dear, I saw this coming.” I said.

"WHAT?! I'm on a date with my new special somepony: Flare!" Bonnie yelled taking my other hoof.

"You wish! He's mine!" Lyra yelled, pulling me towards her.

"MINE!" Bonnie yelled, doing the same thing.

"MINE!"

"MINE!"

"MINE!"

"MINE!"

“MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!” a bunch of seagulls yelled repeatedly while hanging on a bench on the side of the road. Lyra and Bonnie kept yelling 'mine'  as they kept pulling me away from one-another.

"Flare, you love me right?" Lyra asked.

"No, Flare. Don't listen to her! You love me!" Bonnie yelled.

"I'll clean your fish tank!" Lyra begged.

"I'll play video games all the time with you!" Bonnie begged.

"I'll cook all your meals!" Lyra begged.

"I'll clean your whole trailer!" Bonnie begged.

"I'll mow your lawn... or Twilight's lawn I mean!" Lyra begged.

"I'll be your personal bodyguard!" Bonnie begged.

Bon Bon and Lyra kept making promises to me, which started driving me crazy! I then finally lost it. "SHUT UUUUUUUUUUP!" I yelled like how the Kindergarten Cop yelled. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! Look, I less then three you both, but I only love you as friends, NOTHING MORE! I'm glad to have you both do all these nice stuff, but really it's too much! I can't be in a relationship with you two! Look, I know what’s going on; you don’t really love me, do you?” Bonnie and Lyra looked at eachother curiously. “No, of course not! You’re only using me because you feel lonesome, and because I sweet-talked you, you think I’m the perfect replacement, but you two are best friends, and I do NOT wanna be in the way of it. This is too much, I’m sorry. I bit off more than I can swallow for you two-“

“Chew!” Spike yelled from the distance.

“Gesundheit!” I yelled out at him. “So, please, please, pleeeeeeease just make-up and be friends again, and let me have some peace already, for Wizard of Hope’s sake!” I explained as I tried to catch my breath. Lyra and Bon Bon started tearing and began to cry. I then facehoofed myself and said, "Oh for Wizard of Hope's sake!" I started to feel bad for yelling at them; I do lose my temper easily sometimes; runs on my mom’s side of the family. As they were weeping, I place the two sad ponies together so they can hug it out. Eventually, they started to calm down. "Look. You two are great friends, you really are, but all this giving and loving is too much for me! Like I said, I'm not interested in being in a relationship for now. I know you two really want somepony, but you should look at eachother's eyes and see that one pony that’ll keep you company until that time comes.”

Lyra and Bon Bon looked at eachother very sadly. "I know you two paid alot money for those vacations, but you know what? Maybe you two should trade in those tickets for something bigger! Go someplace you both would want to go! What do you say?” I suggested.

Lyra and Bon Bon smiled at eachother. "Lyra, I am so sorry. I guess I didn't know you wanted to go to Los Pegasus so much. You know what? Let's go there!" Bonnie said.

"I’m sorry too; we shouldn’t let one little vacation ruin our friendship, but I insist we go to Fillydelphia.” Lyra suggested.

The two of them hugged again, and all is finally forgiven now. "No seriously let's go to Los Pegasus." Bonnie said.

"But I don't want to go there anymore. I want to go to Fillydelphia, for you!" Lyra said.

"No, let's go to Los Pegasus. You wanted to go there!" Bonnie started raising her voice.As they argued and glared at eachother, they just laughed.

"Wow, I'm glad things are back to normal, huh?" I asked. 

“So how are we going to settle this?” Lyra asked Bonnie.

“I dunno, but I’m sure we can think of something.” Bonnie nodded.

“So, we all cool now? We all happy face?" I asked.

“Here, let’s just head over to your place, go on the computer, and discuss it there.” Lyra suggested.

“Sounds good to me!” Bonnie said.

"Is anypony listening to me?" I asked. Lyra and Bon Bon started walking away, leaving me alone in the middle of the street. “What? Wh-wh…. WHAT?!” I yelled. 

“What’s wrong?” Spike asked as he walked over to me.

"You know something? I actually liked it better when they were fighting for me. I had more attention, and they say they'd do all my chores.” I said.

“C’mon, you know they didn’t mean that; they were lost and confused in their own fantasies. They were just desperate for somepony to make their emptiness full again, but you know what? Who needs a relationship, when you have good friends?” Spike explained.

“Wow, Spike; that was beautiful.” I said.

“Yeah, fortunes from fortune cookies do make good points.” Spike said, holding up a fortune cookie.

“Isn’t that plagiarism?” I asked.

“It’s only plagiarism if you take from Wikipedia, and you know what? Twilight uses plagiarism all the time.” Spike said.

I chuckled. “Heh, nerd!”

“Yeah.” Spike said.

“Hmm, that reminds me. Bro, can you take a message for the princess?” I asked him.

“You got it!” Spike took out a piece of paper and a pen, and was waiting for me to tell him my message.

“Make sure you use red ink.” I requested.

“Got it.” Spike switches the pen ink’s color and begins to write my message.

"Dear Princess Luna.” I started. “Sometimes being in a relationship is very tough, and it's either that pony would do anything for you, or they'd force you to do anything for them in order to stay with you, it depends on who is really in love here. My point is: you should always be there for your friends at their time of need, and try to work stuff out on any conflict they have. The problem might be solved, if not, I'm sure there's a way to get through it.
Your friend,
Flare Gun.
PS: Have you seen a missing front left shoe?"

“Wait, what happened to your shoe?” Spike asked.

“I dunno.” I shrugged. Spike and I just stood there in the middle of the street emotionless. We just looked at eachother, and then eventually, I gave him that smirky teeth face I kept making throughout this chapter.