Chapter 4: The End?
Later in the night, after disposing of the dangerous lunatic known as Time Turner, Shining Armor felt a new peace of mind as he groomed himself in the guest bathroom at the library. He combed his blue mane into different eccentric styles, making suave faces in the mirror. After pretending to be Elvis Pranceley, he was interrupted by his wife entering the bathroom.
"Shining dear, can I come in?" asked Cadence.
Armor turned around and wiped a shaving cream beard off his face. "Oh hey Cadence. Sure, what's up?"
"Something awfully strange has happened with Twilight." She said. "You know her new coltfriend, Time Turner?"
"Why, I believe so." He shrugged, keeping his lie intact.
"Well he just disappeared right in the middle of their date, just a few hours ago. Twilight's really worried, and she's starting to suspect that he just walked out on her."
"What? No way!" Shining Armor played innocent. "That's terrible! I hope Time Turner is alright wherever he is."
"Armor, you don't sound very concerned." Cadence said discerningly. "Your sister is upset over the whole thing."
"Oh...she's bummed out, huh?" Shining Armor's reaction suddenly became real. The thought of his little sis becoming distraught didn't sit well with him. In fact, it was what he wanted to prevent the whole time.
"You're her brother, Shining," said Cadence. "She could really use some cheering up right now."
"Don't worry, I think I know a way how." He reassured her. "Tomorrow, I'll make sure she doesn't even remember Time Turner ever left her."
"That's my sweet Shiny." Cadence kissed him on the nose. "Now come to bed, will you? And stop admiring yourself in the mirror. You look better without a beard."
"Heh heh, yes dear."
...
"Thanks for hanging out with me again, big brother." Twilight said as the two of them played a game of chess in the library. "The whole incident with Time Turner yesterday has just really gotten me down."
"It's no trouble, Twily," replied Armor. "I just feel terrible about it...really. But hey, your BBBFF is going to make everything okay. I have a friend from Canterlot who will be happy to be your special somepony."
"Really? Gosh, Shining Armor, I don't know if I even want to be dating again."
"Trust me, this guy's a true gentlecolt. He'd never ditch you in the middle of a romantic dinner." That's when the doorbell rang, and Shining Armor excused himself. "Ah, that must be him now."
"Wait, you didn't tell me he was coming over now." Twilight protested.
"Well it was heavily implied for the readers." Shining Armor answered the door. "Twilight, I'd like you to meet my good friend, the noblest and classiest pony in Canterlot, Fancy Pants!"
The esteemed guest tipped his hat. "Enchante, Miss Sparkle." Fancy greeted politely.
"Fancy Pants? Hey, I remember you from that garden party with Rarity." Twilight smiled at him. "It's really nice to see you again, Mr. Pants."
"Darling, you can just call me...Fancy." The charming aristocrat took her hoof and kissed it with a raised eyebrow. Miraculously, Twilight began to blush.
"See, Twily? This guy's a saint." Shining Armor said. "I told him about your problem with Time Tuner, and he said he'd be glad to cheer you up. And if Fancy Pants isn't a romantic, I don't know is."
"Well, I guess I can't stay moping about Time Turner forever." Twilight figured. "Plus it would be nice to spend some time with celebrated stallion like yourself, Fancy Pants."
"Nothing to fear, milady," replied Fancy Pants. "I shall do nothing more than show you a good time." He then extended his hoof. "Shall we? I've reserved a booth at Hors d'œuvres just for the two of us. And don't worry, Miss Sparkle, the bill is on me."
"I'd love to!" Twilight took his hoof in escort.
"Have fun you two!" Shining Armor showed them out nonchalantly. But just as soon as they left, Big Macintosh arrived.
"Howdy Armor," he said. "Who was that fancy lookin' pony with the pants?"
"My friend, that was Fancy Pants, one of Canterlot's elite." Shining Armor explained. "I just set him up with Twily to make her feel better after Time Turner "disappeared". Ya see? Everything worked out in the-"
Big Mac immediately cut him off by slapping him hard across the face. "Are you outta yer pony flippin' mind, ya dingbat?!" He pressed into his face. "You gone an' set 'er up with another stallion?!"
"Hey hey hey!" Armor pushed him away. "There's nothing to worry about! Fancy Pants is a true gentlecolt. I know him from my aunts' parties in Canterlot. We can totally trust him right off the bat."
"Yer seriously hitchin' up yer sister with one o' them rich types?" discerned Big Mac. "I thought you knew better, Armor. And besides, I thought Fancy Pants was datin' that famous supermodel."
"Who, Fleur de Lis? No, he dumped her once he found out she was having somepony else's foal."
Big Mac stared at him with befuddlement. "...You Canterlot ponies are twisted."
"Look, I can't think of a better match for Twilight than Fancy Pants. I just couldn't stand to have my little sis be so worked up about a guy who wouldn't be. So I'll have you know I've got everything under control. And why did you come over anyway?"
"We got a problem, Shinin'." Big Mac explained. "AJ is startin' to snoop around, wonderin' where Caramel's gone. She wants me to help her find him; but I don't have a clue what to do! I hate lyin' to my own sister, but if she found out what happened to him, she'd have my hide faster than a rattlesnake on caffeine. I'm startin' to think this whole operation was just nothin' but trouble."
"We're not backing down now, soldier." Shining Armor glowered. "You have to keep Applejack at bay until she completely forgets about Caramel."
"Now hang on, pardner." Big Mac stomped his hoof. "You got me into this lil' charade, so yer gonna help me out. An' I think I know just how."
...
Later that night, Big Mac led the middle Apple child through the older trees in the outer section of the family farm. Applejack had been getting more and more stressed over the past few days since the "disappearance" of her poor Caramel.
"Big Mac, are you sure you really met Caramel out here?" she asked.
"Eeyup." Big Mac casually walked along with her through the woods.
"Why in Equestria would he be hangin' around in the orchards? That don't make much sense."
"Hold on, AJ," said Big Mac, looking at a watch. "We're right on time. He said he would meet us out here in secrecy. Eeyup, there he is now."
Over a small hill ahead, a darkened figure appeared seemingly out of the trees. Sure enough, the moonlight revealed a tan stallion with a neat brown mane, smiling at Applejack.
"Caramel!" beamed Applejack. "Is it really you?"
Shining Armor tried his best to disguise his voice, without coughing from the fumes of the tan paint on his coat. "That's right, Applejack. Don't worry, I'm perfectly safe."
"Oh Caramel, I've just been worried sick!" She ran up to hug him.
"No no, Applejack, I'm afraid this is no time for hugs." Armor kept her from getting a closer look at him. "I have something to confess. There is a reason why I disappeared for so long."
"What are ya sayin', sugarcube?"
"You see, Caramel is just my alter ego. For I am actually..." In a split-second blur, Shining Armor retreated into a bush and immediately returned. This time, he also sported a black sun hat, mask, cape, and a mustache. "El Caballo Libre!" he announced in a Latino accent. "I am a lone hero in the San Palomino Desert, ridding innocent towns of scum and villainy. But my identity is kept a secret."
Applejack stared at him quizzically. "...Yer pullin' mah tail."
"It is the truth, Applejack." El Caballo Libre replied. "I am even trained in swordsmanship." He used is Royal Guard training to demonstrate his skill with a saber, and carved the letter C.L. into a nearby tree trunk. "So you see, my dear filly, I can no longer grow attached to you. If my enemies found me with you, your life will be in jeopardy. And so, it is with a heavy heart that I must part ways." Armor laid down the suave drama pretty thick.
"Caramel, don't say that." Applejack looked concerned. "We can still make it work, darlin'."
"Please, my sweet sopapilla, forget about me." The masked pony hid his face under his hat. "I would only bring nothing but trouble to you and the rest of Ponyville. My place is San Palomino." He then shielded himself with his cape theatrically. "Adios, my desert flower." He swept away into the darkness, like a shadow in the night.
Applejack looked on in solemn longing. "Adios...sugarcube."
Big Mac lent a comforting hoof around her shoulder. "I'm awful sorry ya had to hear that, AJ. But it's like I said, he's got other places to be. I wouldn't get too worked up about him leavin'. Besides, he'll always remember ya."
After long contemplation, Applejack finally sighed. "Yer right, Big Bro." She said softly. "I love Caramel, but I wouldn't wanna hold him back. I guess if ya love somethin', let it go." She hugged him warmly. "Thanks for tellin' me, Big Mac."
"That's what big brothers are for. Now why dontcha head back home? I'll meet ya for some apple tarts."
Miraculously accepting of her coltfriend's leaving, Applejack walked back through the orchard toward home. As soon as the coast was clear, Shining Armor appeared out from the bushes again, still in his El Caballo Libre costume.
"Man, that had to have been the craziest lie you ever made, Big Mac." He spoke in his normal voice. "But it worked out. I gotta hand it to you."
"This oughta put that weirdo onion farmer out of her mind for good." Big Mac replied. "Thanks for helpin' me out again, pardner."
"Hey it was kind of fun. I think I might save this Caballo Libre persona for Cadence. Put a little smooth-talk on her!"
"Yeah, I didn't need to know that. Now will ya please take that dern costume off?"
"El Caballo Libre reveals himself to nopony!" he blurted in his fake accent again. "I am off to clash swords with crime once again! EL CABALLO LIBRE!!!" Shining Armor galloped away slashing his sword and trilling loudly. Big Mac simply facehoofed.