Surviving in a Strange Two Legged World

by aCB


12- Humans Suck

Rarity slowly walked with the other ponies toward the city sparkling in the starlight. Her eyes trailed the ground as they walked, her mind full of worry and uncertainty. This was one of the most dangerous adventures they’d ever been on, even more so than their original saving of the Crystal Empire. At least that time they had all been together, had all worked together, and had their friendship to overcome Sombra’s evil. It seemed like this time she was losing friends left and right – first Twilight, then AJ and Rainbow, and now Fluttershy. At least she knew that Fluttershy was okay; she could take the train back to Ponyville while they traipsed about in enemy territory. Lucky her.

Dartmoor walked several paces ahead of her, although ‘walk’ was a bit of a misnomer - ‘crept’ would have been more accurate. He stayed low to the ground, occasionally placing his ear to it and listening. His head shot back and forth with a frequency that would make most ponies dizzy, as he took in his surroundings as rapidly as possible. It was like he was in his natural environment – that of danger, risk, and uncertainty. Such was an unusual state for any pony to be in, even more unusual for a pony to revel in. She thought back to the story of his childhood that Agister had told her on the train. Truly this must have been a mind-warping event. If there was any pony in Equestria that needed to be shown friendship, it was the earth pony stallion in front of her. She had to try, at least.

“So what’s the plan, darling?” she asked as politely as she could.

“The plan is you shut up so I don't have to talk to you. And also so we're not heard. But mostly so I don't have to talk to you.”

“I’m just trying to be friendly!” she huffed, “Why don’t you ever talk to anypony?”

“Look lady, this is just a temporary thing for me, alright? We stop this cult, then I go back to doing what I’ve always been doing. I don’t need any help, I don’t need to talk, and I don’t need friends.”

“Well that’s just ridiculous. Everypony needs friends.”

“I don’t. Now please, I’m trying to listen.”

“Very well, but we should talk later. I’m very interested in getting to know you, and I know that my friends would like you if you ever gave them a chance to get to know you, too.”

“Fine. Whatever will shut you up.”

Rarity sighed in exasperation. Maybe there was no getting through to this pony. Maybe he really didn’t like knowing others. They certainly didn’t seem to share any interests. At least she had interests outside of murdering and drinking. Then again, maybe that was an excuse to hide whatever his true feelings about the world were. Maybe if they had met under different circumstances, he would behave differently. War and strife were certainly reasonable excuses to make a pony act antisocially. Maybe she’d have to catch him off-guard.

“Agister told me about Assateague.”

Dartmoor halted for the briefest part of a second, but quickly recovered. He glanced back to see that Pinkie and Agister were out of earshot, then looked listlessly at Rarity.

“That right?”

“Yes he did. And I wanted to let you know that I understand. I…”

“You understand, huh? How did your parents die?”

“Oh, uhm, that is to say, they’re still alive.”

He snorted, “How did I know? It’s always the ponies who’ve never lost anything that think they can understand those who did.”

“I’m not…”

“Look babe, thanks for the sympathy or whatever, but that happened thirty years ago. I think I’m good now.”

“It may have happened thirty years ago, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t affect you. And I may not understand any of it at all, but I just wanted to tell you that… I don’t know. I just want to be your friend.”

“And why would you want that?” he sighed, “Have you even met me? You think that the few bodies you’ve heard about hold a candle to how many I’ve stacked up in the past? And I can’t imagine you like drunkards.”

“I don’t. And I don’t even know what to think about the… ponies.” She shuddered at the thought. “But that doesn’t mean you’re worthless, or that you don’t deserve any friends.”

For the briefest moment, much less than a second, Rarity thought she saw something she hadn’t seen before – one corner of Dartmoor’s mouth turned up the tiniest bit. She could have imagined it; she probably did imagine it. Nonetheless, it filled her heart with pride and sentimentality to know that there was a possibility that she made this mirthless pony smile for some brief period of time.

“What’re you two talking about?” Pinkie asked happily behind Rarity. She turned around. Apparently they had been talking for so long that the other two ponies had caught up.

“Nothing. Come on, let’s find somewhere to hide out for tonight,” Dartmoor replied. The others followed him as they entered the fringes of the city.

***

Applejack sat at the kitchen table. There were people all around talking about something, but she didn’t care. She stared down at the creamy black drink swirling in the cup before her. Human-AJ had insisted she have something to drink, but this tasted just as bad as the usual coffee, except it burnt as it went down her throat. The human girl had called it “Irish”, whatever the hay that was. Probably some weird made up human word, like “twerk”. (Human-AJ had told her to ask Rarity what that meant sometime.) Whatever. Still, she drank it, if only because there was nothing else she could do, and the coffee reminded her of Rainbow.

“Ah’m surprised that that man didn’t say anything to ya abou’ coming here, Fluttershy.”

“Oh…” Fluttershy looked down, obviously not thrilled at the topic. “He did, but I told him that I had to.”

“Ah hope ya told him you were a grown woman an’ could make your own damn decisions.”

“I, uhm…I-don’t-know-I-don’t-want-to-talk-about-this-anymore.”

AJ slammed her cup down on the table. Why the hay were they talking about boyfriends and assertiveness when her Rainbow Dash was missing!? Wait a minute, did she just call her ‘her Rainbow Dash’? That’s right, another voice said, She is yours. And she’ll be alright. When she gets back, you’re going to tell her how you feel and everything will be just fine.

“Are you gonna be okay, sugarcube?” Human-AJ asked, looking over in concern. Applejack was suddenly aware everyone in the room was looking at her, but that didn’t alter her emotional instability or her feeling of helplessness.

“What are we going ta do about Rainbow!? Has everyone forgotten? We’re all jus’ sittin’ around on our asses waitin’ for Celestia knows what ta happen when we should be out there lookin’!”

The others just looked on sadly at this poor displaced girl with tears in her eyes. The Apple family, minus Applebloom (who was out with her friends), sat around the table with her, Fluttershy stood with Human-AJ, Pinkie Pie sat in a chair in the corner, uncharacteristically silent, bottle of alcohol in hand. Human-AJ walked over and gently laid her hands on her counterpart’s shoulders.

“I know you’re hurtin’, Applejack. Heck, so am I. We all are. It’s jus’… we can’t do anything – the world’s just too dang big ta run around lookin’ for ‘em. We’d get ourselves lost if we tried. We all care a whole lot for Rainbow – both Rainbows. Spitfire, who even Rainbow Dash says is the best pilot she knows, is out lookin’ right now, and she promised ta let us know as soon as she found somethin’ out.”

As hard as the other girl tried to calm her down, Applejack couldn’t help but still feel resentful. It felt like if this had happened in Equestria, the entire town would be completely engrossed with helping until they were found.

“What about Rarity, huh? She’s not even here!”

Human-AJ exchanged an uncomfortable glance with Fluttershy. “Rarity had a… previous commitment. Ah did give her a call, though, and she’s real worried about Rainbow, too.”

“What the buck is she doin’ that’s so dang important?!”

“She’s, uh, in Manehatten showing off her clothes…”

“WHAT!? One of her best friends is missin’, and Rarity’s worried about clothes?”

Human-AJ gulped, looking even more uncomfortable than before. “She’s been waitin’ for this opportunity for a while, sugarcube. She, uh…”

“All she cares about is her clothes,” Applejack cut her off.

“Now don’t go judgin’ the girl like that. She does care abou’ Rainbow, she just needs ta get her priorities in order. Ah tried ta talk ta her, but she can get pretty crazy about her fashion stuff.”

Applejack could only shake her head. This world was even more messed up than either of them could initially assess. Humans were slaves to selfishness, to their own damn hormones. If there was anywhere that didn’t understand friendship, it was here.

“Ah don’ know, Applejack,” AJ started sadly, “This place is jus’ all backwards. Rarity is obsessed with her career, Rainbow needs attention, Fluttershy is bein’ used, Pinkie drinks too much, and y’all are jus’ satisfied with livin’ the rest of your life alone on the farm, never once tryin’ for anything more. This place is jus’ messed up, and there ain’t nothin’ right about it.”

Human-AJ got down on her knees next to AJ’s chair and pulled her into a hug. The pony-girl was initially shocked to feel arms reaching around her and feeling the human’s head lay against her chest. Instinctively, she returned the hug. She could hear Human-AJ’s slow, depressed breathing, and the show of affection calmed her down. The other people in the room remained silent, although seeing the two identical girls come to a silent understanding seemed to have a cathartic effect on them as well. After several minutes, Human-AJ let her go and looked into her eyes.

“This is a strange two-legged world we live in, sugarcube,” she said with a husky voice and teary eyes, “Ya don’ really live here, you just survive.”

***

“So what do we do now, boss?”

“Shit, I don’t know. Maybe Grimm’s busy or something. We should probably wait here,” Shade responded as he pushed against the unyielding magic shield. It wasn’t letting anything pass through, pony or object. It was supposed to let members of the Disciples through, at least.

“I don’t know, Shade. It’s November in the Crystal Empire - it's gonna get cold real quick. Maybe we should start a fire?”

“How about that train station?” asked the other henchman, “They got heat in there.”

“Yeah, and also two dozen angry ponies who’ll jump us in our sleep, idiot,” Shade responded wearily, rubbing his head. He thought hard about their predicament, and there was only one thing he could think of to do. There was a cave in these mountains he used to play in as a child fifteen years ago. Actually, make that a thousand and fifteen years ago. It was better than nothing. “All right, you bums. We’re heading for that mountain range. Take the prisoner and tie her wings behind her back.”

“Oh, that’s okay. I don’t really fly that well anyway.”

“Yeah, sure. A pegasus that doesn’t fly. Next you’ll be telling me the fastest creature in Equestria is an earth pony. Or that there’s a unicorn willing to give up her magic to turn into an alien.”

“Actually…”

“Just tie her up.”

The henchmen did as he asked, taking a length of rope from their saddle bags and tying her wings tightly around her barrel, much like Applejack had done to Rainbow Dash years before for the Running of the Leaves. One of them took the ends of the rope and held it in his mouth, leading Fluttershy along like a dog on a leash. The henchman brutally yanked at the rope, causing her to stumble and fall painfully to the ground below. The three stallions giggled as she got back up on her hooves.

“All right, let’s go,” Shade laughed.

He led then away from the city toward the nearest mountain range, which was in the opposite direction as the train tracks. Frozen grass crunched beneath their feet as the cold of the night set in. The only source of light soon became the blue glow of the protective shield behind them. Fluttershy stumbled along, hooves already tired from the long trek she had taken both that morning and the day before. The Disciples were mirthless in their silent demands that she keep up, often jerking on the rope whenever the line went taut. Once she fell to the ground at their tug, and instead of waiting for her to get up, they simply dragged her along against the painful rocks of the frozen north.

Within an hour they reached their destination – the Crystal Mountains. They stood at the foot of the towering spire before them, briefly resting before taking the long, dangerous trek up the winding path directly ahead. Fluttershy had only seen one place in Equestria that compared to this – the mountain that Canterlot stood on. It seemed almost unreal how drastically the colossus shot up from the plains.

“Alright, here’s the plan, numbnuts. You guys know where the cave is, right?” The other two nodded. “Alright, you take her up there. Hang out there until I come back. I’m going to go meet up with another group and see if we can’t get into that damn bubble. While I’m gone, get the bitch to tell you where the other elements are.”

Fluttershy gulped. The other two eyed her with an unreadable look as Shade turned back toward the city. Stumbling once again at another tug of her rope, she was pulled along the rocky mountain trail. The two crystal stallions began talking about what they were planning to spend their money on, a conversation that she paid little attention to.

Things couldn’t get much worse than this. Pinkie and Rarity were trapped in a blue bubble, Rainbow and AJ were trapped in a strange alternate world, and Twilight was trapped in her own body. None of her friends knew where she was, and she was absolutely helpless to help any of them. She thought about her home back in Ponyville – Angel, the little chicken coop, the family of foxes that lived by the river…

She was alone. She was alone and there was nopony around to help her. She hung her head in desperation, letting her senses take in the world around her. The soft wind, the rustling of the grass, the beating of a small pair of wings…

Wait…

***
Click here for the clop version of this section


Rainbow Dash shook her head. A great pain behind her eyes caused her to grimace. Slowly, she tried to piece together what happened. Wait, what did happen?

She was still in the plane, but they weren’t at the airport. They were on the edge of some kind of forest. They had attempted some kind of trick, a trick Human-Dash had assured her was something she’d done a million times before, but it had gone all wrong. Wait, what about Human-Dash? She looked to her left toward the human girl. She was still buckled in, but she was slouched over in her seat.

“Hey! Hey, Rainbow!” she tried calling, but the words got caught in her throat. She painfully lifted her arm and tapped her. Nothing. Panic began to set in, and with a great burst of adrenaline that overcame her injuries, she unbuckled her seat belt and leaned over toward her friend, grabbing her in panic. She quickly put her head into her chest, hoping against hope that she would hear something.

Human-Dash’s heart thumped.

Rainbow gasped a sigh of relief and unstrapped her from her seat. There was a large gash in the human girl’s forehead, and blood ran down her face and matted her rainbow-colored bangs. She tried the pilot side door, but it was warped and jammed from the crash. Trying the door on her side was equally as ineffective. There was only one way to get out of this – through the smashed windshield.

If she tried to crawl through it in its current state, she would get cut to bits. If she learned anything from the survival courses she attended at the Wonderbolt Academy, it was that she had to stay as healthy and injury free as possible. A couple of cuts from the glass, even minor ones, could get infected. She began the laborious process of carefully picking up shards of glass and depositing them away from the windshield, all the while her panic over her friend’s well-being causing her to want to ignore the dangers and dive out. Piece by piece, she slowly started to get rid of all the glass, but there were still shards attached to the frame of the plane. She tried to carefully rip them off, but they were held on there with glue, or something.

“Hey there champ - it might be easier if you used pliers,” a weak voice whispered.

Joy erupted from her heart as she rapidly looked to her left. Human-Dash had regained consciousness! She immediately stopped what she was doing and threw herself onto the human and pulled her into a colossal hug, causing her to wince.

“All right, all right, easy. I’m a little bruised. I’m surprised you’re not worse off yourself,” she said, pushing the enthusiastic pony off of her, “There’s a small toolbox behind your seat. Get some pliers out of there and finish getting rid of that glass, will ya?”

Rainbow did as she was told, grasping the strange metal instruments in her hands. She’d seen Twilight use pliers before, but she didn’t pay much attention to how she used them. Such an awkwardly shaped tool was effectively useless to a non-unicorn, but she used the best of her intuition to complete the task.

“Cool,” Human-Dash praised when she was done, “Get the green duffel bag out from behind the seats and climb out.”

Rainbow dug around behind the seats, finding a green military-style bag about four feet long and one feet wide. She wondered what the purpose of such a large bag on such a small plane was. She felt around briefly, trying to gauge the nature of the contents. There were several lumps, some hard, some soft, but she had no idea what they were.

“It’s the emergency bag,” the other girl said, as if reading her thoughts, “Go on out.”

Rainbow pushed the bag out of the now glassless windshield and deftly followed. The bruises that she had ignored in her panic began to make themselves known again, and such acrobatics in such a strange body would have been difficult either way. As soon as she was out, she turned around to see Human-Dash struggling to get out of her seat and get to the passenger side window. Obviously, her wounds were much more limiting that her counterpart’s.

“Hold on a minute…” Human-Dash said, grabbing a plastic bag by her feet and handing it through the window. Rainbow curiously opened the bag to see what was so important. Contained inside was about five pounds of beef jerky. Good thing she got three. Reaching into the plane, she pulled her friend out with great effort. After they were both free of the wreckage, they laid out on the nose of the aircraft for a few minutes, panting – still trying to absorb what had just happened. As Human-Dash held her sides and winced as the bruises rioted through her brain, Rainbow took the opportunity to observe her surroundings.

They were at the edge of a meadow. A trail of upturned earth led to the downed plane. She didn’t quite remember exactly what had happened at the time of impact, but apparently Human-Dash had attempted to land in the meadow. Unfortunately, she didn’t have enough room for a complete landing, and they had impacted against a large tree at the edge of a forest. Thankfully they had been going slow enough, and their lives didn’t end as broken forms around the trees limbs. However, the question still remained as to what they were to do now.

“We need to get a fire going,” Human-Dash said unexpectedly, as if reading her mind, “Hopefully somebody’s going to be flying around looking for us, so we need to light a big fire as possible in the middle of that field.”

“Fair enough,” Rainbow responded. Helping her counterpart down off of the plane, they set out across the grey, frozen grass into the field. The sun was quickly setting and the cold was starting to become unbearable. As used to it as Dash was, being a creature that regularly frequented the upper layers of the atmosphere, there was something about this body that was not as tolerant.

“This should be good,” Human-Dash said after they had reached the middle of the field, “How about you get some wood. I’ll put up the tent.”

Rainbow nodded in assent, and turned toward the woods before the human girl called her back –

“Hey, Rainbow Dash!”

Rainbow turned around curiously to see a concerned and serious look upon her counterpart’s face.

“We’re going to get out of this, alright? It’ll all turn out okay. We have each other, right?”

“Right.”

Human-Dash regarded her companion’s stoic response. While she could take most things in stride and something so simple as a plane crash didn’t really cause massive amounts of stress, she didn’t know if she could say the same thing about her counterpart. Throwing down the tent poles she had been inspecting, she turned to run after Rainbow.

“Hey, wait up!”

Rainbow turned around and waited for Human-Dash to catch up to her. “Weren’t you hurt in the crash?”

“Hey, you know me,” the human laughed as she unconvincingly hid her wincing, “Up for anything. But if I collapse, make sure I look cool for when my body’s discovered.”

“You’ll be fine,” Rainbow responded uncertainly, slowing down to walk side by side with her friend, “Right?”

“Oh yeah, this is no big deal. Just think of it as an unplanned camping trip. You’ve been camping before, right?”

“Yeah, all the time,” Dash responded as they reached the edge of the woods by the downed plane, “The last time I went camping, I went with AJ and Rarity and their sisters and…”

“Scootaloo?”

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“Alternate universes, remember?”

“Oh, yeah,” Rainbow said absently as she bent over to pick up some firewood. Human-Dash regarded the pony-girl with a curious look; it was almost as if she was trying to hide her discomfort, something either Rainbow Dash typically didn’t do. Rainbow wore her heart on her sleeve, whether it was the usual pride or the rarer trepidation.

“Are you okay, Rainbow? You’re not mad at me or anything, right?”

She sighed. “No, I guess not. I mean, we all crash.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Who said I had a problem? I’m cool,” she retorted confidently before quietly adding, “Totally cool…”

“Bullshit, Dash,” the human smirked, “You don’t have to hide stuff from me. You know that, right? If you’re scared, you can tell me.”

“I’m not scared! I’m just… look, if you had come to my world, and you didn’t know how anything worked and you lost your wings – or, like, your hands or whatever – and then you were stranded and...”

Human-Dash very suddenly wrapped her arms around her, pulling into a comforting hug. Rainbow, initially shocked by this sudden show of affection, relaxed and let herself be held. The emotions of the day came flooding to the surface like a breached dam, and her eyes watered.

“…and Twilight just bucking stabbed herself. Just out of nowhere! What the hay am I supposed to think? And here I am lost in the middle of nowhere while she’s—I don’t even know. I’m supposed to be the Element of Loyalty, and I feel like I’m not really giving it my all. I should be out there, pounding on doors and demanding to see Twilight. And… I don’t know.”

Human-Dash tightened her hold on her friend. She may be a flirt, but she would never abandon anyone she cared about when they needed her, and right now Rainbow Dash needed her. The pony-girl rested her head on her shoulder, and she whispered encouraging thoughts in her ear.

“I’ll be there for you, Dashie. We’re going to find our way back, and then all our friends will be there for you too. Come on, let’s get this wood back to the campsite.”

***

Rainbow Dash stirred sleeplessly under her Mylar blanket. The emergency kit had contained a small tent and a blanket, but didn’t feel fit to provide them with a pillow. The uncertainty of their situation combined with the physical discomfort grated at her mind. This was supposed to be easy – go to the human world, meet up with the human Twilight, and bring her back to Equestria to save her Twilight. How had it gone so wrong? How did they get so distracted? She could only wonder what Applejack was thinking about right now. Was she worried about her, or was she still mad?

“Something worrying you, hot stuff?”

Rainbow looked turned to look at the figure lying next to her. The human Rainbow was awake, concern in her large maroon eyes. This girl really cared about her, and if she was honest with herself, she really needed someone to lean on right now.

“I think you’re cool and everything. I mean, like, really cool. I know I fell apart back there in the woods, and… I don’t know. I’m just all messed up, I guess.”

“Look, Rainbow Dash,” she whispered into her ear, “I don’t care that you’re afraid. Hell, I’m a little nervous about being stranded in the middle of nowhere, too.” She pulled the pony-girl closer, softly brushing across her ear with her lips. “At least I’m not here alone…”

Rainbow turned and looked into the half-lidded eyes of the girl that looked just like her. Her brain was silent; conscious thought completely escaped her, but she knew exactly what was going on. The human’s fingers ran ever so softly down her back, sending shivers echoing through her body, even as she pulled her closer. Without thinking any deeper about it, Rainbow closed her eyes and allowed their lips to touch.