"And your name is...?"
"Penny Black, milady," she was a dark grey earth pony with a postage stamp for a cutie mark. Suffice to say she was not who I was expecting.
"You work for the... Ponyville Post Office do you?"
"That's correct, milady," Penny dipped into a low bow for the third time since entering the room.
"Do you, perchance, work with a pony named Ditzy Doo?" I enquired, attempting to sound as nonchalant as possible about it.
"Uh... yes, milady."
"Why would they send an earth pony all the way to Canterlot to deliver the mail when they have a pegasus in their employ?" Penny rubbed her arm and glanced around nervously at this.
"When we realized that this delivery was to be directed straight to the Princess we figured that maybe Ditzy might not be the best choice. She has a tendency to get lost in big cities. So they sent me instead... is that... acceptable, your majesty?" No. No it is not.
"But of course. And what have you brought me?" I asked as sweetly as I could manage despite my rising frustration.
"One copy of the Ponyville Express, one brochure from Mr. Breezy's Fan Shop, one weekly insert from Quills and Sofas, one copy of Clothes Horse magazine and one letter from a Ms. Twilight Sparkle," I telekinetically lifted the items one at a time out of her hoof and laid them out on the arms of my throne.
"Excellent. These are... just what I wanted. Thank you. That will be all," Penny Black bowed her way back out the door she came in through.
Damnation. My plan had failed catastrophically. I had hoped that by placing requests for various rubbish pamphlets, newspapers and so forth and by asking Twilight to send her letters by mail for once, I would ensure that the Ponyville mailmare would be knocking on my door within the day. It had not occurred to me that such a small town might have two or more mailponies.
I drummed my hoof impatiently on the arm of my throne as I sifted through the pile of junk. I'll throw away these pamphlets and the newspaper and save Twilight's letter for later. I'm not in the mood for it right now. I need to come up with a new plan to lure Ditzy out to Canterlot.
"Your highness?" Raven picked her way cautiously around the crumpled pieces of paper I had flung on the throne room floor.
"What?" I couldn't even be bothered to put on my soothing motherly tone of voice.
"V-v-various individuals are here to see you, your Highness. Shall I send them away?" quivered the small unicorn, hurriedly picking up the pamphlets I had flung on the ground.
I sighed, "I apologize. Please, who has come to see me this morning?"
"Dizzy Spiral, from the Canterlot Weather Team here about the springtime rain schedule."
Ah, I've been expecting Spiral to pay me a visit. Spring will require slightly more rain than usual this year due to an upcoming solar fluctuation that will cause a brief drought period during next summertime.
"Fancy Pants, here regarding the gala planning."
As usual Fancy is well ahead of schedule. The Gala won't be for a few more months. Still, one cannot punish diligence.
"Prince Blueblood, here about... I don't know what he's here about... he wouldn't tell me. If I were to hazard a guess I would say it is probably to complain about not being invited to the Delegate's Dinner last week."
Oh, for goodness sake. Not this imbecile, again.
"A miss Doo from Ponyville and of course Ms. Spitfire, captain of the Wonderbolts, here about the bids for the opening ceremony of the Equestria Games."
Right. There was a money dispute and a fair bit of political backstabbing going on in and around the Equestria Games opening ceremony rights. Everypony wants a piece of the pie and it looks like it's going to be my job to do the dividing. I think I'll talk to Spitfire and Spiral at the same time because there are several... wait... did I just hear her say...?
"Excuse me for this, Raven, my head has been in the clouds all morning. Read that last name back again?" my heart had started thumping in my chest.
"Spitfire, captain of the Wonderbolts here about-"
"No! I mean... no... the name before that..."
"A Miss Doo from Ponyville. She said she wanted to... 'hang out' with the Princess. I'll be sure to send her on her way. Sorry to have even mentioned something so trivial," Raven turned to leave but I halted her in her tracks.
My magic enveloped the mousey brown-maned unicorn and lifted her, squawking and wriggling, into the air.
"You will do no such thing!" my voice echoed through the hall. My wings flared, my horn glowed, I rose to my full height without even thinking about it, "Full name!"
"Your M-m-majesty?" her eyes were wide, staring down at me from several meters above the ground.
"Give me her full name!" I thundered.
"Ditzy Doo!" squeaked the small unicorn, squirming in my grip.
"I... oh goodness! I'm so sorry," I quickly lowered poor Raven to the ground, "I don't know what came over me. Dear Raven, please, accept my sincerest apologies. I haven't quite been... my usual self these past few days and I am ashamed to have submitted you to the brunt of it. You know I would never harm you or any of my subjects don't you?"
Raven nodded but still looked a little shaken, "Is this Ditzy Doo character... dangerous?" she asked, after taking a moment to make sure she was still back on the ground once more.
"Not at all. One of the most harmless ponies I have ever encountered."
"Then why is your Majesty so afraid?" asked Raven warily.
"Do I seem afraid?"
Raven nodded again. I suppose I am. It has been four hundred years since I last took romantic interest in another. Times had changed. Gone was the age where suitors would bring poetry, flowers and songs to my door. Gone were the delicate dances of courtship. I'm no longer sure I even know what shape romance has in this modern age. Could ponies even think of one such as me as a romantic partner to another any more? Could she? Was she even interested or was she merely extending the hoof of friendship to a lonely old Princess? She had a foal already. Did that mean she would not pursue love in the heart of another mare?
"I am afraid, Raven," I confessed.
We two stood in silence for some time after that. Then Raven did something she had never done before. She placed a hoof on my shoulder. It was an awkward and brief moment but it brought me much comfort in a strange kind of way.
"If there's anything I can do to help, your Majesty, then say the word and I will get it done," Raven adjusted her glasses, they had been slightly misaligned by my momentary outburst.
"There is one thing..."
I swallowed, "Does my mane look okay?"
Raven stared blankly at me.
"Do I have anything in my teeth? Any ruffled feathers? Any ink smudges? Should I change my shoes? Is my crown on straight? Do I look... attractive? Frightening? Alluring? Stiff?"
Raven stifled a giggle, "Your Majesty is as beautiful as ever. There is only one aspect of your appearance that seems a little out of the ordinary."
"What is it?"
"Your Majesty is blushing in a very noticeable way."
Ah damn. Not much I can do about that. Deep breaths. Try to keep calm.
"Right. Send... Miss Doo in."