Dear Twilight Sparkle:
Rainbow Dash wants a friend? Just a friend? I mean, you have your owl and Fax Machine to do all your work, and I have a phoenix to unleash my wrath upon those who have wronged me. Does Rainbow not realize how amazing it would be to have those things?
But anyway, it's nice to see that Fluttershy always has a plantation full of potential “pets” for your girlfriend. It's less nice that she tries to pressure ponies into taking the most useless creatures away from her. Hasn't she ever considered the fact that there are dozens of ponies in PETA who would just love those delicious animals?
Anyway, I can't believe those animals are stupid enough to actually follow her into that death trap! Maybe they just got tired of her bitchiness and were trying to end it all? If that were the case, they could have asked PETA. They'd be doing them a great favor too.
Then again, I wonder what terrible things that turtle must have gone through that it was willing to stay with her. Maybe he's the reincarnation of that one colt you were always stalking in high school. But anyway, now that Tank has a name and a helicopter blade, (by the way, how can you know what a helicopter is, but not a tank?!) maybe he can at least try not to be so useless.
Then again, you have some pretty good ideas about what to do with those turtle shells. I do, in fact, know how different colors of shell will chase after different ponies. You and I should get together and play some Mario Kart one of these days.
The most successful pony in all of Equestria, Princess Celestia.
P.S.: I'm not surprised that you couldn't get any pleasure from all that Fax Machine sex. Honestly, you're pathetic.