//------------------------------// // The Granite Mountain Matter // Story: Appledashery // by Just Essay //------------------------------// "I say..." Fancy Pants telekinetically rubbed his monocle across his vest and blinked through it at the petite pegasus. "Apple pies...?" Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to speak— "Master Pants, I am so exceedingly sorry for this!" The butler stepped in, slapping a tail into Rainbow's face as he bowed low before the suited ponies. "It is all my fight. She evaded my sight with her mischievous, wandering ways. I assure you, it will not happen again." He backed up into Rainbow, forcibly shoving her out of the back lawn garden. "Come with me, Rainbow Dash—" "Pfffft!" Rainbow spat his tail hairs out and frowned over his flank. "Hey! I was trying to speak to the stallion here!" "No, you were not!" the butler said with a frown. "And I would suggest a great deal more civility, Miss, especially since we'll be writing a strongly worded letter back to Banner Company which will undoubtedly end with your discontinued employment!" "Oh come on!" Rainbow growled. "I was just trying to—" "No more words!" the butler barked. "You're lucky that we haven't sicked an entire legion of security guards on you—!" An eloquent voice cleared its throat delicately. "A moment, Spruce Goose, if you would." The butler skidded to a stop on quivering hooves. He and Rainbow Dash turned to look curiously at Fancy Pants. The stallion smiled. "There's a good fellow." He trotted past the gawking stallions and approached Rainbow Dash. "This pony appears to have a very passionate reason to have interjected on our conversation, and I must admit that the idea of fruity pastries has never once crossed my mind when dealing with the Mountain Buffalo. My good lady, might I know your name?" "Uhm..." Jittery, Rainbow Dash brushed past the butler and gave an awkward bow. "Sir. Rainbow Dash... s-sir." "Rainbow Dash..." Fancy Pants rubbed his chin in thought. "Hmmmm... Now where have I heard that name before?" "You have?" Rainbow blinked. She saw Filthy Rich out of the corner of her eye, and a jolt ran through her body. "I-I mean... of course you have!" She stood up straight, tilting her head with a proud sneer. "I'm only the fastest flier in all of Equestria! Not to mention the best darn athlete this side of the Wall of Stalliongrad!" Spruce Goose spat out the side of his mouth and rolled his eyes. "Those are quite some bold statements, Miss Dash," Fancy Pants said with a reserved smirk. "Now, unless I'm mistaken, I heard the name of 'Banner Company' thrown forth?" Rainbow opened her mouth— "She's the deliverer of the salt licks you've ordered over the past two weeks, Master Pants, sir," the butler stated. "Her work has been exemplary..." He glared aside. "Until today." Rainbow groaned. "I thank you for the assessment, Spruce, though I did not ask you for it." "But sir—!" "So you're the pony whom I've heard so much about!" Fancy said with a smile, trotting forward to shake Rainbow's limp hoof. "So swift! So punctual! Good show!" He leaned forward with a wink. "And, from all of the excited chatter among the servants lately—especially the maids—I had half expected you to be a stallion." Rainbow blinked. A twinge of pink laced her fuzzy blue cheeks. "Uhhhh... eheheheh... uhm..." "It seems obvious to me that a mare of your speed and daring have seen much of Equestria. Am I correct?" "Uhm... Yes! Totally!" Rainbow Dash's wings fluttered, and she hovered before the group. "I have been around Equestria, as a matter of fact. I've been to a lot of places! I... uhm..." She winced and pointed at her wings. "Mind if I hover?" "Not at all." "Cool." Rainbow paced in floating circles. "Aaaaaand, it so happens that one of the places I've been to is a little ranch colony to the distant northwest called Appleloosa. You ever heard of it?" "Indeed, I have. I helped fund the railroad project that bridged the gap of transportation there. Apple orchard community, if I'm not mistaken. Still in its infant stages?" "Right. My friends and I once went out there to replant an apple tree. But we ran into a bunch of angry buffalo who attacked the train. Turns out the settler ponies of Appleloosa and the buffalo that have been living there for generations were kind of butting heads. The buffalo wanted to stampede over a certain spot of land, but the settler ponies had planted their trees there during the latest apple bucking season." "I dare say, sounds like quite the predicament," Fancy Pants said as the stallions behind him murmured. "Oh, totally! It got so bad that the buffalo attacked downtown Appleloosa in an attempt to drive out the earth ponies who lived there! It almost became a real nasty battle, only the chief of the buffalo tribe decided to pull back at the last second. You wanna know why?" "You have me positively thrilled. What stayed his hoof?" Rainbow Dash smirked. "He got a taste for their apple pie, and it quite literally changed his mind about the whole situation overnight!" She glanced at everypony as she said, "He and his tribe agreed to let the Appleloosans stay, so long as they moved a bunch of the trees and allowed—like—a path for him and his fellow buffalo to stampede down. This way, their thundering hooves would cause the apples to fall during Apple Bucking season, and they'd be recompensated with troves of apple pie—since they loved the stuff so much!" "Hmmm... seems like that situation worked out quite magically." "But don't you get it?!" Rainbow's voice cracked as she hovered closer to the unicorn. "The buffalo were so friggin' ticked off at the earth ponies of Appleloosa that they were willing to wage war over the situation! It wasn't negotiation that changed things! It wasn't even music or promises of friendship! It was apple pie! You ever been to the desert? Pffft. All you've got are cacti and rattle snakes. I can't imagine this 'Grungy Mountain—'" "Granite Mountain." "Right. I can't imagine it's all that good of a place to grow fruit. So, like, when would the Mountain Buffalo get a chance to indulge their sweet tooths? They wouldn't, I'm telling you! Salt licks? Pffft! Dime a dozen in Equestria!" She turned and smiled nervously at the gazing stallions. "No offense." She shrugged and murmured incoherently. Rainbow spun to face Fancy Pants again. "What you wanna be sending these Buffalo is something juicy! Something tangy! Something sweet and golden delicious!" She planted a hoof over her yellow apron. "And I so happen to know of the best darn distributor of apples in all of Equestria." "Do you, now?" Fancy Pants asked. Rainbow Dash nodded. She opened her mouth— "Mr. Pants, if I may..." Filthy Rich suddenly stepped forward, clearing his throat. "As enthusiastic as this pony's tale is, we have to maintain a rational perspective here. There simply is no evidence that the buffalo have an acquired taste for... apple pies, or any other dessert tray, for that matter." "Yeah, well..." Rainbow glared the graying stallion's way. "Maybe it wouldn't hurt to have a little faith, eh, bro?" Filthy avoided her gaze, fidgeting slightly. Fancy Pants suddenly stood between them. "It... stands to reason that the salt licks will have an expectedly positive impact on the buffalo community," he said. "It is, after all, a universal gesture of good will among all Equestrians, dime-a-dozen resource or not." Rainbow's eyes twitched. "But—" "Apple pies sound a great deal riskier, and there's no telling what negative impact on the Cloudstone Project a botched experiment in diplomacy could have." Fancy turned and faced the stallions. "For that reason, and considering the major investment that has been made so far, I see it fit to continue with delivering the salt licks. Does anypony object?" Filthy and the other stallions exchanged glances, ultimately shaking their heads and muttering in one accord. Rainbow Dash hung her head as her wings flapped limply. "Very well, then. Might I suggest a brief recess?" Fancy Pants gestured towards the manor. "You will find plenty of refreshments in the sunroom along the southeast wing. Please, do make yourselves at home. We'll recommence dialogue a little later." The stallions all trotted towards the rear of the building, locked in curious little conversations. Many of them glanced blankly Rainbow's way, including Filthy Rich. Rainbow Dash didn't look back at him. At last, as the back garden cleared up, Rainbow could make out Fancy Pants trotting towards Spruce Goose in the corner of her vision. The unicorn leaned forward and whispered in the butler's ear. Spruce's face went pale in surprise, and he gave his master an odd look. Fancy trotted away towards the far end of hte lawn, leaving Spruce alone with his squirming hooves. At last, the butler trotted Rainbow's way. Rainbow looked up, and her face scrunched up at the look of confusion on the stallion's face. "Erm..." Spruce fidgeted. "Master Pants would... like to speak with you in private, Miss Dash." Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "Towards the northeast end of the garden," he said, pointing over several rows of hedges. "You'll find a wooden gazebo. He waits for you there." He trotted past her and made for the front lawn. "I would not keep him tarying too long..." Rainbow nodded limply. As soon as the butler was gone, she flapped her wings hard and zipped towards the far end of the garden.