"No, wait, make that two orders! And a Solana Slider!"
A large, burly man in a green superhero costume was sitting in his luxurious space cruiser. It was painted a bright lime green, and upon it was a logo of a planet with a thunderbolt shooting out from beneath it and two small moons orbiting the planet. The orbit lines were clearly visible on the side.
"Anything else, sir?" asked a voice through the intercom, sounding slightly dejected at what they were doing. The burly green man didn't notice.
The man leaned into the intercom and almost whispered, "You have any...banana milkshakes?"
"One banana milkshake then. Is that all, sir?"
"That'll do it!"
"Excellent, sir. Please pull up to the next window."
He obliged. As soon as he did so, a tractor beam grabbed hold of his ship as a large, deep navy blue starship uncloaked below him.
"What the?!" the man exclaimed, shocked that he couldn't move his ship as he yanked at the steering controls.
The drive-thru window opened, and the he turned to see a robot in a butler uniform standing there with some sort of spray gun in his hand.
"Your order, sir." The butler sprayed the green man with a nerve-relaxing agent, and it only took a few seconds for the green-clad superhero to fall onto his dashboard, tongue lolling out of his mouth as he descended into a forced sleep.
The butler pressed a button on his arm and spoke. "Captain Qwark has been successfully detained, sir."
An evil, robotic voice responded through his arm. "Nice work, Lawrence! Bring him to the brig IMMEDIATELY!"
Lawrence sighed. "Of course, sir. However, there is one more thing."
"And what is that, Lawrence?" the evil voice asked in a slightly disgruntled tone, as if it knew what was coming.
"Would you like fries with that, sir?"
His arm involuntarily shook as the voice screamed at him. "LAAAWWWWWWWREEEEEEEEEEENCE!"
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Qwark woke up a short time later strapped to a large, round mechanical device of some kind.
"Oof, I feel like I just ate a Blargian dung beetle," he said as nausea hit him soon after he awoke.
He heard laughing, and raised his head up to see who was responsible. His eyes shot open wide with anger at his captor.
"Doctor Nefarious!"
The thin, navy blue robot cackled some more. Piercing red robotic eyes glared back at Qwark as the gears in Nefarious's head clicked and turned within a large green glass egg-shaped dome.
"Qwark! Today is the day that I will finally get to be rid of your meddling once and for all!"
Qwark laughed. "Hah, fat chance, Nefarious! My friends will bust me out of here any time now!"
Nefarious grinned. "Ah, but you see, I've already thought of that! I've sent your pesky little friends Ratchet and Clank away from here with a fake distress beacon! There's no way they'll figure out it's a fake and get back here in time!"
Lawrence interrupted, having just appeared at Nefarious's side. "Sir, I'm sorry to report they failed to go directly to the distress beacon. Clank appears to have decoded the distress signal and they're heading our way."
"WHAT?!" Nefarious screamed. "Then we need to hurry NOW, Lawrence! Give me the detonator to the Black Hole Generator!"
"Of course. Here it is, sir." Lawrence pulled out a small button panel with an antenna sticking out on the top. Nefarious swiped it from Lawrence's hand before addressing Qwark in a theatrical manner.
"Behold, Qwark! When I push this button, the device you're strapped to will generate a black hole to crush your hulking squishy body into NOTHING! Naturally, Lawrence and I will be perfectly fine, won't we Lawrence?"
"Yes, sir. We will be magnetized to the floor of your ship as soon as you press the button," Lawrence confirmed.
"Then let's not waste any more time! GOODBYE, QWARK!" Nefarious pressed the button, and the machine Qwark was strapped to began to hum to life.
Qwark needed to act fast. He had to do something, anything to delay or stop the activation of this machine. His hands were strapped down to his sides, so he desperately felt around for something on him from that angle.
He felt his blaster. Somehow Nefarious and Lawrence had overlooked a special pocket he had in the buttock section of his suit. It made sitting very uncomfortable sometimes, but it was nothing like the irritation he had dealt with from his days as a Personal Hygenator salesman.
He quickly pulled the pistol out and raised his arm slightly, straining against the ropes binding him to the Black Hole machine. He aimed as best he could at Nefarious and fired his blaster.
The shot hit the detonator, much to Nefarious's shock and surprise. However, there was none more surprised than Qwark himself. That shot had to be one-in-a-million, and Qwark cheered for himself at his little achievement.
"Hah, take that, Nefarious! Looks like your black hole thingy won't destroy me after all!"
"QWAAAAAAAAAAAARK!" Nefarious screamed in rage.
However, the machine refused to stop its actions. Instead, hitting the detonator caused the machine to malfunction as electricity shot off of it in small arcs, striking the sides of the ship. Qwark's idea didn't work. In fact, it may have made things worse.
Then something odd happened. Instead of generating a black hole, the machine opened up a tear in space, similar to the time portals Nefarious had seen during his investigations of the Great Clock and the Fongoid tribes.
"...er, Lawrence? Was that supposed to happen?" Nefarious asked.
"Not that I'm aware of, sir. It was your design, after all," Lawrence responded.
The supervillain huffed and crossed his arms. This was nothing like he had originally planned. Just what had Qwark done?!
The tear in space pulsed for an instant. Then...it began to suck violently at the area around it.
Nefarious and Lawrence were the first to be pulled in. The shot that destroyed the switch disabled the magnetism they would have had to save themselves from the tear, and both flew through it as soon as the vacuum started. Qwark got one last look at Nefarious's face, and managed to see something he didn't expect. Fear in Nefarious's cold, calculating eyes.
Not that he had much time to contemplate that. Qwark and the machine were slowly lifted up and pulled through the tear themselves. Qwark had tried to scream, but no sound could leave his mouth as the vacuum threatened to take what air he had. He held his breath and closed his eyes as he passed through into the black void, thinking they were being ejected deep into the depths of space.
He didn't know what was on the other side of that tear in space, but it had closed as soon as he and the machine passed through it. At the very least, he thought he would go out like the hero he was, taking the galaxy's most dastardly and devious supervillain with him in a blaze of glory.
However, the machine still crackled with life, and before him a shot of electricity surged forth and opened up a second tear in space.
Qwark struggled against the ropes again, and found that his bindings had loosened severely since he and the machine were sucked through the first tear. He quickly untangled himself and stuffed his gun back in his buttock pocket.
Having no better options available to him, he kicked off from the machine and tried swimming to the tear that had just opened. He didn't know where he was going...but he had no better options.
It was at that moment while he was swimming he spotted Nefarious and Lawrence doing the same thing as he was. They clearly didn't want to be stuck here either, but there was no time to take them down. Qwark didn't know how long the tear was going to stay open, and didn't want to gamble on finding out how long.
As soon as they all entered, they were all sailing off in different directions. Qwark was falling toward a small town in a valley, overlooked by a castle built into the mountainside. Lawrence was heading off toward that very same castle. Lastly, Nefarious was sailing towards what looked to be a city resting upon a large bed of clouds.
Qwark's mind was processing all this new information as best he could while he was still sailing in the air. He hoped Nefarious would crash right through the town and break up into plenty of scrap metal before hitting the ground. Same goes for Lawrence crashing into the castle.
Then the last thought hit him. What about me?
He looked around and spotted what looked like a large tree in the town. That would have a ton of leaves and branches to cushion his fall!
He spread his arms open wide as he turned his body towards the large tree. He had no parachute, but knew that his massively muscular frame could survive the impact. He didn't work on those iron hard abs for nothing, baby!
As he drew closer, he brought his arms inward to cover his chiseled face and braced for impact.