One of the six Lyras that were currently active in Ponyville walked up the worn path that led to the front door of the Apple house. She toyed back and forth with the idea of returning to her natural form for shock value, as her current partners had, but decided against it. The general Falaxaporian strategy was to remain as disguised for as long as possible. Besides, she had been experimenting with the use of this form’s horn, levitating small items, and had found the flow of power both useful and strangely intoxicating.
She trotted up onto the porch and knocked on the door three times. She kept her disguise up, but relaxed it enough to reveal her true teeth. The ponies seemed to find that part of her biology particularly off-putting for some reason.
The orange pony that had narrowly escaped her jaws earlier answered the door.
“Hello” growled the alien. “Remember me?”
The pony flinched away slightly, but rallied under her fear. “Big Mac! It’s for you” she called, forcing her voice to remain steady. She stepped backwards into her house.
The intruder attempted to follow her in, but walked into a red wall that had somehow placed itself in the doorway. She snarled, more in surprise than pain, and stepped backwards.
“Leave” said the wall, which turned out not to be a wall, but a pony.
“Ahh, our former captive. We are not here for you, we are here for the orange one. Step aside and you will not be hurt.” The Falaxaporian had heard of this pony’s care for his broodmates – or ‘sisters’ – but hoped he would be smart enough to back down.
“No.”
Ah well. The peaceful way was boring anyway. “Fine. I understand the need to protect family. By the way, do you know where the smalled member of your clan is?”
“Who, Applebloom?” asked the orange pony. “Course I do. She’s up in her room. I wouldn’t let her wander around at a time like-“
Applejack was cut off by a filly’s scream, a heartbreaking sound that apparently came from the barn.
“Oh, is she?” asked the Falaxaporian, grinning horribly.
Big Mac glanced back at the older of his sisters, torn between obligations.
“Go on” the younger pony replied. “Ah can take care of myself. Applebloom needs you.”
Big Macintosh nodded and pushed past the alien in the doorway roughly, galloping towards the barn.
Applejack followed close behind him and placed herself in the doorway, settling into a fighting stance. “And now you are gonna get the hell off my property” she growled, staring down the alien in front of her.
“Not without you.”
“Ah’m not going anywhere with you. You leave me an mah kin alone, or I will buck your head in. Besides, I don’t even have mah element. The princess keeps ‘em at the castle” Applejack glowered.
“Your… what? What element?” asked Lyra, forehead crinkling in confusion.
“The Element of… wait, is this not about the Elements?” Applejack responded, similarly confused.
“No, it’s not. We don’t care about any elements, we just want you” the Falaxaporian growled, sensing it was losing control of the situation. It snarled in an attempt to return them to a predator/prey relationship.
Applejack flinched from the snarl, but not from fear as much from a desire to avoid the alien’s spittle. “Well if this ain’t about the elements, what the hay do you want me for? Besides that, I’m just a farmer.”
“We need you to blackmail the brown one” explained the exasperated creature.
“Brown one?”
“John! His name is John. According to your brother, he has mating fondness for you. Now come with me before I slit your damn throat!” yelled the increasingly frustrated Falaxaporian.
“Mating…” Applejack said, pausing momentarily at the unusual and crude phrasing. Most other ponies would have been either offended or completely lost, but living on a farm had taught her about that sort of thing at a very young age. She made a mental note to talk to her brother about this, and turned back to the more pressing ‘slit your throat’ problem.
“Why should I? If you thought you could beat me in a fair fight, pretty sure you woulda attacked me by now” pointed out Applejack.
“Because your brother is distracted, and your house has a back door.”
“Okay” said Twilight Sparkle, a small chunk of purple metal levitating beside her head. “We’ve got the…”
“Tarsonium” supplied the Hostess.
“Tarsonium, right, anything else we need?”
“No, that should be it. See, if the Falaxaporians are like every other race, they’ll build pretty much everything out of Tarsonium. So all we need to do is use the sonic screwdriver to vibrate it at its resonant frequency, and the screwdriver will detect if there’s anything in the area with the same resonance” the pink pony explained, and then waited for the inevitable confusion.
“Oh, okay” said John.
“That makes sense” added Twilight.
The Hostess craned her neck back towards her companions, noting the unsettling ease with which her head rotated almost 180 degrees. “Wait, you both understood that? How do you know about resonant frequencies?”
“I once read a book on cello making. Well, I started reading a book on cello making, but then it used the term ‘resonance’, and I went to look that up. I sort of understood it, but it referenced some physics texts, so I ended up reading three books on wave theory.” Twilight furrowed her brow. “I don’t think I ever actually finished the book on cellos.”
John shrugged. “I make clocks. If all the parts are at the same resonant frequency, they tend to explode.”
“Don’t know what a spaceship is, but understand wave mechanics” the Hostess murmured. “Interesting knowledge asymmetry.” She pushed open the door to the now mostly empty Cupcake Corner and headed up the stairs. “Anyway, the point is that this device should find us the entrance to their base in Ponyville. We head down there, break their generator, and contact the princess. Easy-peasy.”
“Won’t it be guarded by Falaxaporians? Falaxaporians with very sharp teeth who don’t exactly like us?” asked John from the bottom of the stairs.
“Well, yes. That will admittedly be the least easy-peasy part.” The Hostess grinned in what she hoped was a reassuring manner over her shoulder, and pushed through the door to Pinkie’s bedroom. She trotted up to the machine and pointed to a small container. “If you could just place the metal in there, Ms. Sparkle, that would be ideal. Ah, thank you. Now…”
She flicked a small switch on the side of the contraption, and watched as the sonic screwdriver buzzed into life. A metal bowl attached to the end of a spoon started spinning, and the whole thing began to tick in the regular cadence of clockwork. “Now, this entrance will be somewhere near the centre of town, almost definitely in a public building. They’ll need a lot of ponies going in and out at all times to avoid suspicion. It wouldn’t be the Mayor’s office though, or any official building. Too much chance of being discovered. Some innocent business probably, something…” she trailed off as the machine let out a ding and she examined the small readout on the screwdriver.
“Something like what, Hostess?” Twilight prompted.
The Hostess looked at her, swallowed, and then looked down towards the floorboards. “Somewhere exactly like Cupcake Corner” she whispered.
Twilight’s pupils shrank to pinpoints, and John looked like he was about to faint.
“Here? They’re here?” John breathed, voice almost inaudible.
The Hostess mouthed the word ‘yes’, and placed a hoof over her mouth to indicate silence. She grabbed the screwdriver with her teeth, and passed it to John. She then pointed downwards, and made exaggerated tip-toeing movements. Both of the other ponies nodded, getting the message.
The Hostess nodded back, and walked carefully to her door. She reached out and slowly opened it, peeking out into the hall. It was empty.
She brought her head back in to give the all clear signal. Before she could, however, a pair of green jaws leaped through the open door and snapped shut on her skull. Everything went black.
Slak snuck around the back of the Apple house. It had seen Big Mac run off to the barn, where another Falaxaporian (whose name it didn’t remember) had captured the smallest sister.
Slak was having a bad day. It had been yelled at by that Time Lord, and then all the others had mocked it for running like a coward. It hadn’t been able to explain the look in her eyes. It had been so… focused. So present. So terrifying. To be honest, those eyes still followed it, and it wasn’t sure whether staying on this planet was such a good idea.
It shook its head. It didn’t need to be thinking about all that. That’s why it had volunteered for this, to stay as far away from that Time Lord as possible. On top of that, it had lucked out, being given the easiest job. All it had to do was grab the granny and use her as leverage. Being in its natural form should scare her enough to make that easy.
The back door was hanging open, and Slak peered around the screen door. A green pony sat in a rocking chair, slowly tilting back and forth. Her eyes were closed, and she seemed to be snoring. Slak didn’t know a lot about ponies, but it had been told this one was old and infirm. A rope hanging next to her chair, presumably to help her get up, confirmed that idea.
Slak stomped one slimy hoof on a rock. When that didn’t wake the old pony, it growled loudly.
Granny Smith jerked in her chair, eyes snapping open. She mumbled incoherently as she peered around the kitchen, trying to figure out where she was. Her eyes landed on Slak, and her body went rigid. “Well now, what the hay are you?” she asked, more than a little fear and confusion in her voice.
“Never mind what I am elder. Come with me” Slak snarled in response, hoping to scare her into getting up.
“Are you from Everfree? Ain’t never seen nothin’ like you before in there, but it’s a big forest” the pony muttered.
“No, I’m not from your forest. I’m from space. Now come with me.”
“Never heard a’ no Space Forest. It up north? I’ve heard they got weird names for things up there.”
“No, it’s straight up, and it’s not…” Slak paused, realizing that it was explaining itself to a victim. “None of your business! Come with me!”
“Well, alright. But you’ll need to help me up. After all, I’m just a weak old lady” Granny replied, squinting at it sadly.
Slak growled, but started through the door. “Isn’t that what the rope’s for?” it snarled, annoyed.
The old mare cackled. “Nope. The rope’s for this!” she exclaimed, before gripping it with her jaw and pulling.
What passed for Slak’s eyes followed the now tense rope up from her chair, across a ceiling beam, back towards him, and finally landed on a small avalanche of iron cooking utensils. A small cry squeaked through its lips before the crockery flattened it, knocking it momentarily unconscious.
When it came to, it was to the sound of Granny Smith cackling madly. “Like it? Mah grandson helped me set it up. I don’t know nothin’ bout Space Forest, but I’ve lived next to the Everfree for seventy odd years now, and you don't pull that off by bein’ stupid. One thing I’ve learned is that no matter how weird or magical a creature seems, ain’t nothin’ in Celestia’s Equestria that likes having 80 pounds of cast iron fall on its head.”
The clatter of metal from behind her caught Applejack off guard. “Granny!” she shouted, spinning to run back towards the kitchen.
Lyra, seeing her opening, leaped forwards and dug her teeth into Applejack’s shoulder. Applejack shouted in pain, but was quickly silenced by a blow to the back of the head. She saw stars for a moment, and then nothing at all.
The world was black. But rather than the piercing pain and loss of life that usually came with your head being enveloped by a pair of jaws, a subtle wet gnawing and frantic giggling filled her other senses.
The Hostess reached up with a hoof and felt her face. A squat, scaly creature was gripping the front of it, covering her eyes. She scraped it off, and it fell to the floor with a bump. A small green crocodile-
Alligator, came a voice from the back of her head.
Yes, thank you Pinkie, a small green alligator lay on the floor in front of her. It had apparently been de-toothed, a fact the alligator itself had not seemed to quite pick up on, as it was now trying to eat her leg.
“What” the Hostess whispered, lifting her leg with alligator trailing behind. “Is this?”
“That’s Gummy” Twilight whispered in response, stifling her giggles. “He’s… well, he was Pinkie’s pet alligator.”
The pink pony stared into the vacant eyes of the lizard for a few moments. “I like it. It’s coming with us” she whispered, dropping it into a saddle bag.
The trio, technically now a quartet, tip-toed down the stairs. They crept out the door, and then began to circle the cupcake-shaped building.
There said Pinkie, indicating a small door below street level. That’s never been there before.
It was disguised to look like wood, but the trained eye could see the small glimmer of tarsonium under the fake paneling if it was examined closely enough. John sidled up to it, and pressed the sonic screwdriver against the lock. A pop rang out, and the door settled slightly.
“Alright. You two wait out here. I’m going in” the Hostess whispered, but was stopped by a brown hoof.
“Not this time. We’re coming with you” John said, Twilight nodding in agreement.
“No. I won’t have it. It’s too dangerous” the Time Mare answered, shaking her own head.
“Hostess, what happened the last time we waited outside?” Twilight asked.
“I went in, and then they found me, and…” she trailed off.
“And we ended up running for our lives. So don’t tell me it’s too dangerous in there, when it’s more than likely you’re just going to bring the danger out” Twilight finished.
The pink pony bit her lip, thinking. “Alright, fine. But you stay behind me, and if I tell you to run, you run. Got it?”
Both ponies nodded.
The Hostess sighed, and turned to face the door. “Then once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more” she said, pushing through into the room of metal and rubber beyond.
Applebloom struggled against her captor, but her efforts were useless against the much larger and stronger green pony that held her. The slime that covered the thing smeared through her hair and mixed with the tears on her face.
The barn began to shake subtly, and the small yellow pony stopped fighting momentarily. A rhythmic pounding sound became louder and louder, finally stopping when Big Mac skidded to a halt in front of the barn’s door. He stepped into the opening, but didn’t enter the barn. He nearly filled the door, blocking the afternoon sun and throwing a massive shadow across the Falaxaporian and Applebloom.
“Big Mac! I'm so sorry, I just didn't want to wait outside, so I sneaked out mah window and-” Applebloom cried.
“Are you hurt?” he interrupted, looking not at her but at her captor.
“No” she said, then paused. “I’m scared big brother.”
“It’s going to be alright Applebloom” the large red pony reassured her. “Put her down. Now” he ordered, addressing the alien.
“I will put her down when we have the orange one, and no sooner.”
“Put her down now, or you don’t leave this farm alive.”
The creature snarled and bared its teeth. “Threaten me again, and neither does she.”
The two enemies stared at each other, one snarling quietly, the other showing no signs of emotion. Big Mac took raised a hoof to step forwards, and the alien opened its jaws and placed them next to Applebloom’s neck. The young pony whimpered in fear, trying to push herself away.
Big Mac stepped backwards, and the entire process reversed itself. The barn was silent except for the stifled sobs of the captured filly.
The standoff held for a minute and a half, and would have held for a lot longer if Applebloom hadn’t snapped under the tension and kicked the Falaxaporian in the head. She lacked both the practiced muscles of her sister and the sheer size of her brother, but she was still an Apple, and Apples kick hard.
Her victim snorted in surprise, and nearly lost hold of her. With an angry snarl, it snapped at her. Its jaws caught the tip of her ear, and she squealed in pain as the sharp teeth severed the top inch of the tender flesh. The pain inspired her to kick harder, and she managed to drive herself out of the creature’s grasp and dart away, her ear trailing blood.
As soon as Big Mac saw that blood, his mind went blank with rage. For the second time in his life, he was angry. And unlike the day his parents had died, he had somepony to aim that anger at.
An animalistic roar left his lips as he charged at the now cowering alien. One wrinkled paw came up to block his charge, but he knocked it away easily. Both of his steel shoed front hooves raised into the air, ready to come down on the creature’s skull.
Falaxaporians are not a religious species. They have only one godly being, and it’s a sort of a cross between a god, a demon, and the boogieman. Its name is Garg, and it travels around the cosmos crushing lazy or stupid Falaxaporians with its massive hammer named Tel-Kchin. It is a story told to young Falaxaporians to teach them that the universe is a cruel place, and the only one you can rely on is yourself.
Moments before its death, the cowering Falaxaporian’s fear addled mind noted that Big Mac’s hooves glinted in the exact same way it had always pictured Tel-Kchin glinting.