Fun fact about being knocked unconscious by a hoof to the face: You don’t actually dream while you’re out.
As such, the next thing I know I’m suddenly blinking awake in some room I don’t have the time examine with a headache worse than any other I’ve ever experienced, and that’s including the hangover I earned the night after finally figuring out the perfect blend of stuff for my signature drink. And yes, before you ask: I experiment with alcohol quite a lot, so my tolerance for hangovers is probably too high to really be considered healthy.
And no, I don’t have a drinking problem. Ponies just have a problem with me when they try to out-drink me.
Regardless, that morning was one that I shall forever use to compare throbbing cranial pains for the rest of my life, and right now the one in my skull right now is about 20% worse… Why does that number make you shake your head like that..?
…
You’re weird, y’know that?
…
Anyway! To make matters worse, whoever decided to drag me outta that warehouse also decided it was a good idea to have a strong light hanging above me! Pain ol’ buddy, how ya been? Wife and kids doing good? Did little Agony finally learn to walk? Well that’s great news, bud! Lets go hit up the- WHY IN TARTARUS AM I THINKING LIKE THIS?!
Now’s about the time where I’d try and slap the residual drunkenness out of my system, a little mechanical agitation has always helped in the past, but there’s a bit of a problem with that plan right now: I can’t move my hooves. Well, the front ones, anyway; I can kick the hind ones around without a problem. Probably because right now I seem to be tied to a chair. When did that happen?
“Good, you’re up.”
And why is there a mare in here with me?
Did I get drugged and raped after partying too hard? I force myself to crack an eye open to actually take note of my surroundings, wincing as the bright light assaults my sensitive brain with its annoying intensity.
“Ohgood…”
Nope, not in some sex dungeon, that’s always a plus. And yes, I do mean always: Thanks to a ex-marefriend I’m now deathly afraid of them.
…
Y’know, the more I think about it the more I realize that Mr. Blinky’s saved my pelt more than I give him credit for. Maybe I’ll stop ignoring him so much. How does that sound, Blinky?
…
Blinky?
…
Where the Nightmare is he..? I don’t feel him at all…
Strange...
“I take it by the confused look on your face that you’ve just realized that you can’t flash out of here. Good. Now you know that you’re at my mercy.”
I look at the mare seated across the interrogation room from me with a furrowed brow. Oh, yeah, this room happens to be some kind of shitty interrogation room. I recognize the layout now that I’m not pondering just how big little Agony has gotten over the years.
Yes, I know what the typical interrogation room looks like. I was suspect in a couple disappearances at the Cloudsdale Weather Facility a few years back. Wasn’t involved, of course, but to this day nopony knows what happened to Scootaloo…
Shame too, she had potential… Deserved better than whatever happened to her...
Bah! Getting off track again, sorry. Back to that look I was throwing my interrogator's way:
“‘At your mercy?’ Last mare who said that to me wound up with a broken heart and an empty dungeon.”
Shame too, she was a nice mare until she started feeling frisky.
“Different kind of mercy, Mr. Snap,” The mare clarified, gesturing to the large silver ring that was laying on the table in between us. “I assume you don’t know what this is, do you?”
I stare at the unimpressive hollow disk for a few seconds, eyes tracing the almost hidden runes carved into its inner surface.
“Know? No, I don’t know what it is, but I think its one of those, eh… ‘Non-evasion ring’ thingies. Essentially monitors a subject’s brain waves and lets loose annoying screech if the activity in there is enough to suggest the subject is trying to forge a lie or not.”
It takes a few seconds before the unicorn responds, eyeing me carefully from behind her glasses.
“... Correct, Mr. Gingersnap. I’m surprised you know about them.”
“Then you’ll also be surprised to find out I happen to know there was a reason those things weren’t ever issued to any guardhouses beyond those in Canterlot and a few other choice cities, and were soon removed completely: Incredibly unreliable with inconclusive results, the ‘evidence’ generated by those devices was disregarded in just about every court that they were submitted to, meaning whatever you’re going to try and prove with that thing isn’t worth a grain of salt.”
Yep, she was surprised alright, though she hid it quickly, lest she show weakness when she was the one who was supposed to be in charge here. Still, she couldn’t help but ask something to sate her curiosity on how I was informed on something like that:
“Impressive, and you know this… how, exactly?”
I stare at her for a few seconds, trying to find a way to explain myself without getting on some long winded speech that my weakened patience and shortened attention span wouldn’t really be able to handle: My head still hurts pretty bad, and dredging up that knowledge I just spouted out didn’t exactly help things either.
“Lets just say my daddy was- is a paranoid kind of pony and leave it at that, alright?” Which is why I don’t visit often.
Her light blue eyes glint a little, probably thinking she found a weak point she could use against me for later.
“Family a touchy subject for you?” She asks with a half-smirk on her muzzle. I just give her a look that screams ‘Yah don’t say?’ prompting her to continue, “Why is that?”
My face becomes unamused at this point, not liking how she’s more interested in who I am rather than why I’m here. Still, I humor her. For now.
“Ma’s baker. She wanted her kids to follow in her hoofsteps, but was only able to mother one foal for whatever the reason. Me. So when it came to pass that just about everything I ever tried to bake came out an inedible mess, she was understandably crestfallen… And when I never displayed the signs of any sort of innate talent in anything, no matter what she tried, she became depressed: Figured she was a failure of a mother for not helping me find myself… And as far as I know she never got over that.”
I can feel tone become more relaxed as I continue, either because I’m dropping my guard or my headache is fading somehow, not really sure which.
“Dad, on the other hoof… I can’t say much about him. He’s the kind of pony to question everything to the point of insanity, and was paranoid beyond belief. Filled my head full of conspiracy theories and hidden agendas and all of that nonsense, almost made me like him. Probably would’ve been proud if I had, to be honest: Then he’d know I’d be safe from the world, even when I went out into it.” A smile slowly plays on my muzzle in spite of the bad memories as one of the genuinely enjoyable ones surfaces, “Still, he wasn’t all bad. In fact, he’s the one that kept on trying to help after Mom gave up on me… And once he was outta ideas he helped me work on my favorites: Rainbow making, escape artistry, basic martial arts...”
I can’t help but let out a happy sigh, the nostalgia clouding my mind at this point, something I’m quick to rectify by shaking my head. Can’t be letting too much out, now can- Wait, what?
“Where did you get those?”
While I was busy taking a trip down memory lane, the ring on the table had been replaced by a pair of files, one of which the mare across from me was browsing through. That wasn’t the surprising part. What was surprising was the fact they had pictures of my parents on them!
“Oh, these?” She lowers the folder from her face, a small smile playing on her lips, “They just came in: part of your background check. We’ve got to know just everything we can about you before we can decide what to do with you, now don’t we?”
“Background check..?” Okay, now I’m confused. When would whoever she was working for have time to run a background check?
“Background check,” She reaffirms, setting down the file to focus her full attention back on me. “But from what you tell me it sounds like your relationship with your parents was just fine. Maybe a little strained, but not enough that you should get bitter whenever you talk about them. So what changed?”
I regard her silently for a few minutes, mulling over my options. If I don’t cooperate, things will likely go downhill quite quickly, but if I do… Well, then I’ll probably wind up telling her something I really don’t want to, something she can use against me.
“Mr. Snap? The question requires an answer.”
But if I don’t, she’ll eventually find a way to get what she wants out of me. I can see that much in her eyes.
“Me.”
“You?” She blinks at me before what I said seems to click into place in her head, her smile and more relaxed demeanor returning soon afterward, “Aaah, you. Something to do with your ‘condition’ then?”
I freeze, the shock I’m feeling probably evident to her instantly.
She knows.
Good goddesses she knows!
After hiding this secret for so long, for somepony I don’t know to suddenly know about it, about what I am is jarring. No, scratch that, its bloody terrifying. Immediately my mind starts shooting in seventeen different directions at once, trying to figure out just what this could mean, what I should do now, how much she knows, if my life is in danger, are my parents at risk- All of it, all at once.
And it bucking HURTS!
Luckily the mare has enough sense in her that she’s able to slap some into me before I can really start to panic, for which I’m glad. I’d probably hurt somepony or do something I’d regret if I got too far down that road. I look at her, dumbfounded, as she moves back to her seat.
“Better?”
I nod numbly.
“Good, I really don’t want to drag this out longer than necessary.” She takes a moment to gather her thoughts, looking mildly frazzled at my outburst. “Now, tell me, how did you *ahem* acquire your condition? That happens to be one of the reasons we’re here, after all…”
So… I’m here, tied to a chair against my will, because of what happened, eh? That bucking sucks. Still, if the only way I’m going to get out of here is to answer her question, then I’ve got no choice…
“I, uh…” Hoo boy, this is gonna be hard… “It was about… t-ten or so years ago, back when… When Discord got loose and started messing with things,” I can see her eyes narrow at the mention of the Chaos God, causing me to give a pause before continuing, “I-I was working in Manehatten at the time, trying to make a name for myself as a rainbow technician in the plant that had just cropped up there… Anyway, uh, as you know when he got out the weather all across Equestria got weird, a-and Manehatten was no exception; chocolate ice-cream started falling down like snow from clouds made of some kind of maple syrup stuff.
“So, just like everypony else at the factory, I got called out to help try and control them. I never was too good at cloud-breaking, but as a team we were making slow progress, even if it did take four pegasi at once to take out a cloud. Eventually we managed to clear our sector so we could move on to the next… But when we got there… Well, the clouds were coated in spectra, raining down Supermare ice cream.. A-and I didn’t take kindly to that.
“We were a small plant and we didn’t even have enough spectra in storage to justify starting to make other products besides stock liquid rainbow… And just by looking at that sky full of stained clouds, I knew. I knew that the buckers had somehow gotten into the storehouse and wasted all that hard work! That was probably a month’s worth of time that had gotten put into what was now nothing more than unwanted desserts falling from the sky!”
“You didn’t.”
I turn my attention back to the mare before me, now acutely aware of how deep of a scowl the memory had carved into my face. She was regarding me with an expression of disbelief at my stupidity. “Please tell me you didn’t.”
I can feel my eye glint as I smirk at her, which promptly causes her to facehoof.
“Sweet Celestia, you actually did,” She states as her hoof slides down her muzzle, “You’re lucky to be alive, you know that right? Exposure to that much unstable magic should’ve killed you before your friends managed to save your tail.”
I just stare at her for a few moments before looking away, thinking over what she had said.
“I mean, ponies have died from less, honestly,” She lets out a breath, sitting back in her chair all relieved like, “But still, at least now we know why you are the way you are: Magic straight from Discord does some really strange stuff to ponies.”
I continue to stay silent after she finishes, letting her gather her thoughts for the next question as I mull over just how causally she seems to be taking this.
“So, after you got out and fully recovered and stuff, you were a Flasher. What does that have to do with your parents?”
Flasher? So that’s what I am. Huh… Fitting name I guess. Blinker’s a better one in my opinion though… But its comforting to know that whatever it is I am is common enough to have a standardised sort of name… Sort of.
“Well…” I stare at the files on the table for a few seconds before continuing, “I never told them.”
She smirks at this, glancing at the files herself, “Broke off as much contact with them as possible, as soon as possible, right?”
“Yeah…” I nod, “Didn’t want to worry them.”
“Worry them?” She repeats, giving me a funny look and a raised eyebrow, “Really? That’s why you never told them?”
“Mhm… Figured I had been enough of a burden on them with the whole cutie mark thing, didn’t want them to have to deal with anything else like that.”
I can feel her stare at me while I busy myself with gazing into the one-way-window behind her, looking at my own reflection. I look haggard and worn, probably because of what happened in the warehouse. Which reminds me, where the buck is Theo? Last I saw of him he was punching me in my face!
“Well,” The mare’s voice brings me back from my ponderings, “Unfortunately you’ve gone and done the opposite, Mr. Snap.”
“Because without information they’re filling in the holes with the worst they can think of?” I ask, eyebrow raised.
“No.”
She pulls a picture out from one of the files on the table and shows it to me, causing me to freeze up again. It’s me, lying on some concrete floor somewhere, broken, bleeding and bruised… And probably dead, as I’m pretty sure my neck wasn’t made to bend that way.
“Because as of yesterday, you are now officially a dead stallion.”
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I had to admit, Miss Cabbage Patch really outdid herself with that fake death. I’m nothing short of amazed at her ability to cover up the truth. That’s probably the reason why I don’t care too much about the collateral I cause.
In any case, Ginger seemed to be render speechless from the picture, probably wondering why this was all happening in the first place. I’m pretty glad too. He was staring at me through the window, even though he couldn’t see me. It was kinda creeping me out a bit. Almost made me forget why Garden and I were there in the first place.
“From what I have seen so far, he seems to think of others before himself. It’s looking like you made the right decision.”
“It’s still to early to call that. He still hasn’t explained exactly what he has done with his power, or how he does it so frequently.” Although, those are not the questions I want answered.
“I’m still having trouble wrapping my head around that too. If what you say is true, then he is an exception to a very big rule for Flashers.”
“I know, and it might deem him too dangerous to live. Granted the boss is more merciful than me, she still knows when it is okay to take a risk or not.”
“It’s true! The interrogation already began! When I heard the news, I immediately ran!”
Oh great! If it isn’t the rhyming pink nightmare herself. Pearl. Son of a- Of course she would show up! It’s not everyday we get a potential recruit. What is she holding? Did she really bring popcorn for this?!... She at least better share.
“Pearl, your presence is not needed here.”
“Oh, I know that Sparky.”
“Okay, then let me put it a different way. Leave Now!”
“Geez, there’s no need to get snarky.”
Why does everypony call me Sparky? Surely there are more creative names out there. Like Static Shock, or Shazam! Are those copyrighted? I might just use them.
“There is really nothing to see here, you can just go and leave.”
“And miss out on the pony you didn’t kill? I would never pass up on this thrill.” She munched some of her snack as she examined the yellow bastard, raising an eyebrow as she did so. “Ooo, I see why you didn’t kill this guy. He is real pleasing to the eye.”
Just breath Theo. Remember, she takes pleasure in your pain.
“Pearl, either leave or shut up. I am really not in the mood to deal with your shit.”
“Then just a quick question, why let him live? Why instead, did you choose to forgive?”
I believe at that moment I gained a very violent scowl and I stared daggers into my pink associate.
“I didn’t forgive anything you bucking bitch! I just owed him a favor! As far as I’m concerned, that was payed off the moment I didn’t smash his head like an egg!... Why the buck are you laughing?!”
“Hehe. I’m sorry, it’s just your stache. It makes you look stupidly brash.”
“Stache? What are you-”
Before I could finish my sentence, she held a mirror up to my face to reveal a rather poorly scrawled on mustache on my upper lip. In bucking magic marker no less!
“What the buck?! When did this happen?!”
“Never sleep around where there are markers to be found.”
“Celestia damn it! Garden, why didn’t you say anything earlier?!”
She responded with a shrug. Oh yeah, right. She doesn’t care that much. And now everypony know why I hate Pearl to the degree I do. She goes out of her way to do whatever it takes to piss me off. The boss tells me just ignore her and she will stop, but that only makes her try harder. Found my hammer super glued to the toilet seat once because of that.
Again, I took a deep breath as I tried to not let her get to me. Knowing her, she actually let me off fairly easy this time around.
“You must be losing your edge Pearl. A mustache is pretty tame for you.”
“Oh, you believe that to be so? Just turn around Mr. Theo.”
I did as she said to see she had written in bold letters on my flank ‘Room for two’ followed by a semicolon and a parentheses.
“Tell me Mr. Snap, why did you save Theo Stormhammer?”
The sound of my name stopped my train of thought. Good thing too, because I was on the verge of literally beating the everloving shit out of her. Apparently I missed a lot in the time Pearl was distracting me, but it didn’t matter. They finally got to the part of the interview that had me curious from the start.
This seemed to grab Garden and Pearl’s attention as well, as both were now staring the same direction I was. All of us waiting for Ginger’s response to the question.
“From what Theo told me, you should of had every reason to just let Gustave kill him. Why go through the trouble of saving him even after he tried to turn you into a pony pancake?”
Ginger took a breath before answering, probably to think out what he was going to say.
“Well, mostly because he was the first pony I met who was like me. Some unnatural freak of nature. And one I was actually getting along with at that. I’ve, I’ve been alone all these years. I had literally nopony to turn to. Nopony who actually understood what I have gone through. Was I terrified of him at the time? Of course, who wouldn’t be?”
“Me!”
“Pearl shut up!”
“Teehee.”
“And to be honest, I kinda passed his behavior off as him being drunk off his flank. I’m mean, we won free drink for the whole night, and I was pretty sure he was doing his best to keep up with me.”
Sadly, he was right about that last part. I couldn’t keep up with him no matter how hard I tried. This bucker has quite the alcohol tolerance. Still didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try. One of my goals for the night anyways was to get drunk beyond the ability to see. I never did get the numbers of those two foxy mares though.
“Tell me Mr. Snap, do you know what it is that Mr. Stormhammer actually does?”
I had heard enough, I already got the information I wanted. There was nothing more for me to hear. I ignored the questions of the two gals as I left. Whatever they were asking was none of their business.
So he spared me because he thought of me as a friend huh? Somepony just like him so he doesn’t feel so lonely? What a bucking idiot! I’m only like him in regards to power. Other than that, he is nothing more than a wretch. A pest that needs to be exterminated from this planet! Friendship? His kind is undeserving of any kind of friendship. The only thing his kind deserves is death. That is how it is meant to be. That is how it should be! That is how… Oh, there is no greater smell in the world than that of freshly sawed lumber.
I retreated to the one place in the universe that could provide me with true everlasting bliss. My workshop. It was exactly how I left it. My machines left idle, my tools hanging on the wall, the picture frames laying face down on my workbench. Yep, just the way I left it. As much of a bitch Pearl is, she always had the decency to keep her pranking out of my workshop. She probably knows that I would tear this building out of it’s foundations if anything happened to this room.
Hours must of passed since I entered and started my project, since out of nowhere, Garden knocked on my door, knowing better than to walk in on me.
“Theo. The boss is calling on us for a mission.”
“Alright, I’ll be in her office in a minute.”
As I heard her move away from the door, I proceeded to go through my normal clean up routine. Disconnect power from all machines, replace tools back where they belong, stop in front of facedown picture frames and wonder if I should finally lift them back up before eventually giving up and just leaving the room without doing so.