1:09 P.M.
71 hours and 51 minutes remain
XXXXXXXX
“You actually did it. I can’t believe it.” The announcer’s voice rang from the speakers placed all around coaltown.
All nine of the mercenaries gave a loud cheer, taunting the robots and high-fiving each other.
Demoman laughed. “Guts and glory!” he cheered, as he took another swig from his scrumpy bottle. He took a spit take, though,
when the loud, mechanical moan of a tank echoed across the town. “Bloody hell!” Demoman said, pulling his grenade launcher back out. “She said tha’ was the last of ‘em for today!”
The nine braced themselves for the tank, but none came out of the gaping mineshaft. Instead, to everyone’s surprise, the large blue machine, about a half a mile away, began to move. Its enormous treads churned and tore up huge chunks of earth as the large vehicle turned around and began to drive in the opposite direction of Coaltown.
“What in sam hill?” Engineer said, hefting his wrench over his shoulder. Even his sentry gun turned to watch the enormous machine rumbling away.
“The metal cowards are running away!” Soldier cheered. “We did it, boys! We beat the robots! Pizza and hockey games for everyone! U-S-A! U-S-A!”
“Pizza iz Italian, and hockey iz Canadian…” the Medic said.
“Boys…” The Sniper said, climbing down from his perch. “…why would that thing run away now, when it hasn’t moved so much as an inch for over three months?”
“Is gud question.” Heavy said. “Maybe robot babies find another target?”
“I say we follow ‘em, and rip them a bloody new one when we get where they’re goin’!” Demoman said.
“...Whaddya know, the drunk actually had a good idea.” Scout said, eyebrows raised.
“Ya don’ need ta sound so bloody surprised about it…” Demoman grumbled, taking another swig from his bottle.
“I can build a tracking device! If I’m quick, I may have just enough time to launch it after them!” Engy suggested.
“Gentlemen.” The Spy said, making them all jump. He was so concealed in shadows that it was almost impossible to tell he was there. “If I may.” He turned to Sniper. “Bushman, you live in a van, don’t you?”
“Yeh.” The Sniper replied.
“Well, vhy don’t ve just all get in Sniper’s van, and drive after them?” Spy suggested.
“…To the camper-mobile!” Scout said, running off.
“It’s parked over there, ya midget!” Sniper said, pointing in the opposite direction.
“Mah bad! C’mon, ya slowpokes!” Scout said, running the other way.
The rest of the mercenaries cheered and followed, except for Spy. He was pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing. “Why, oh WHY must I be the only one on ze team with a brain…” He said, following after the rest.
XXXXXXXX
“Hey… Hey, I think it’s slowin’!” Scout said, tapping his finger on the windshield and smudging the glass.
“Thank god.” Engineer said, slowing the van down.
They’d been driving for almost three days solid, and Sniper had only passed out this afternoon. They’d taken him to the back to try and revive him. Engineer was now covering for him, seeing as he and Sniper were the only ones with legal driver’s liscences in this state.
The car suddenly stopped, jolting everyone awake.
“Oy! Wot’s goin’ on?” Demoman said, poking his head out of the back of the van. Then he looked out the front windshield, and his jaw dropped.
The monstrous blue vehicle had begun a rather steep descent downwards into an enormous quarry. It was bigger than a football field, and must have been six stories deep at its lowest point.
At the very bottom of the quarry was some sort of enormous archway. It appeared to be crudely cobbled together out of scrap metal, but it was still awe-striking, as it was at least fifty feet tall, and thirty feet wide.
“Vot ze hell is zat?” Spy said, as the mercenaries piled out of the van.
“What makes ya think ah know?” Engineer replied.
The enormous blue vehicle approached the archway. It was large, but still small enough to fit through the arch. Just as it was about to pass through, though, a green light flashed. Suddenly, the archway was filled with green light. The blue vehicle was passing through it, but didn’t appear to be coming out the other side.
“Huh. Is portal.” Said Heavy.
“Yeah, but to where?” Soldier said, scratching his helmet.
“All in favah of goin’ through the green portal which may or may not kill us!” Scout said, raising his hand.
“Anywhere those stupid robots go, I’m going too!” Soldier said, standing by Scout.
“Ja. Ve vill crush puny robots.” Said Heavy, also stepping up.
“I’m too drunk to say no.” mumbled Demoman, stumbling up.
“Ooh, zis looks like fun!” Medic said, readying his gloves as he stood next to Scout.
“…hangon…” Sniper said, looking through a small book. “…eh, my next assassination’s not scheduled for another three weeks, so I got nothin’ better to do.” He, too, stepped forward.
“You guys are probably all gonna die without mah stuff, so I may as well go too.” Engy said, joining the group.
Even the Pyro looked excited. “mmmmm-hm-hm-hm-hmmm!” he giggled as he joined the rest.
Everyone looked at Spy, the last one standing back. “…You are all idiots, but you’re my idiots, and I will not leave you to die on your own.” He eventually said, joining the rest.
“This is all very nice,” Soldier said, “But I think the portal won’t stay open much longer.” He pointed down into the quarry, where the blue vehicle was almost all the way into the portal.
“…ah, crap. EVERYONE BACK IN THE VAN!” Scout yelled, and the nine scrambled back into the camper van. Sniper rammed the keys into the ignition, and floored the pedal. The van lurched forward over the steep cliff, landing hard on the floor of the chasm.
“Go, go, go!” Scout cried as they raced across the desert floor. They now noticed robots all across the desert floor, but the van was racing so fast that it just plowed over them.
“Hang on, fellas! This could get messy!” Sniper said, plowing through a pyro-bot. The van then tore through a heavy-bot like it was made of tissue paper, causing oil to splatter all over the windshield. The Sniper cranked a lever, and activated the windshield wipers. Fortunately, it was hard to miss the enormous portal, which was looming over them.
“C’mon, c’mon!” Scout yelled again. The robot transport vehicle was nearly through the portal now, and the portal already flickered, threatening to close. With seconds to spare, the van hit a ramp, and soared clear into the portal.
There was a bright green flash, and a noise like a telsa coil, and suddenly the van was soaring through a bunch of trees. There was a loud clump as it hit the ground, swerving before the Sniper got it back under control. Then the Sniper slammed the brake pedal, bringing the van to a halt.
“…are we in South America or somethin’?” Scout said, looking around.
“South America is not a real country!” Soldier snapped from the back.
“To be honest, I don’t know where we are, shortstop.” Sniper said, also peering around. “These trees don’t look like anythin’ I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been all over the planet.”
Suddenly, a loud roar came from nearby. To everyone’s astonishment, a huge monster appeared from between the trees, into the clearing caused by the vehicle’s enormous treads. The beast looked like some sort of bizarre cross between a lion, a scorpion, and a bat. The monster roared at the van, and pounced at it, but Sniper accelerated, clipping the monster and stunning it as the van zoomed away.
“…I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.” Sniper muttered as he refocused on following the tracks through the marshy ground.
“Kansas is not a real country!” Soldier called from the back.
XXXXXXXX
“And so, ve followed the enormous vehicle, and it eventually reached here. Ve parked ze van just outside of town as the robots were being let out, and… vell, you know ze rest.” Medic concluded his story, and sat back, leaning against the bookshelf.
The nine mercenaries and the mane 6 were all sitting on the floor of Twilight’s library. Needless to say, it was rather crowded. Spike hurried around, trying to bring everyone drinks and food, but it wasn’t exactly easy, especially since the humans seemed to eat twice as much as ponies.
“I see.” Twilight said, closing up her notebook. “So, you mentioned there were nine of you?”
“Well, yes.”
“Then why do I only see eight?” Twilight said, motioning around. Medic looked, and sure enough, a certain large figure was missing.
“Vere is Heavy?” Medic asked, just as there was a loud noise at the door. With a loud slam, it burst open, revealing a rather sweaty Heavy.
“Heavy is sorry that he is late; Heavy is not fastest runner in world.” Heavy huffed. Then he looked at Twilight. “You.”
“Me?” Twilight questioned, as Heavy stomped up to her.
“Yes, YOU!” Heavy said, cracking his knuckles and glaring at the princess. “I shud hav done dis long ago!”
Twilight whimpered, and then cried out as Heavy suddenly picked her up…
and began hugging her.
“Tiny pony is adorable!” Heavy cried as he nearly cracked Twilight’s ribcage.
After what felt like hours to Twilight, Heavy released her, and she gasped for air. “Right… So… Moving on…” She gasped. “Does anyone…. have any plans…. For stopping the robots?”
“Easy! Just go into the big blue thing, kick some flank, and walk back out. Easy as pie!” Rainbow Dash said.
“two words, folks: KA. BOOM.” Demoman said, spinning the barrels on his grenade launcher.
“I say we let ‘em come back inta town.” Engineer suggested. “I could build a hell of a lotta sentries in 72 hours.”
“Gentlemen.” Spy said, stepping forwards. “I hate to shatter your delusions of self-grandeur – and by ‘hate’, I mean ‘don’t mind at all’ – but going into zhe vehicle would be suicide, it vould take kilotons of explosives to blow it up, and I have a feeling that zhey have more than a few sentry busters stored up in there.”
There was a collective sigh from around the room. “Well, what can we do? It’s not like we can just wait for the robots to come back…” Twilight said.
There was silence for a few seconds. “Actually… zhat might work.” Spy said, scratching his chin.
“What? What might work?” Twilight questioned.
“Over the next seventy two hours,” Spy explained, “we teach you ponies how to use our weapons. If you all learn to use our methods of fighting, and then we all work together, we might just stand a chance against ze robots.”
“…I guess it’s better than nothing.” Twilight said. “Everyone good with that?” she asked. When there were no objections, she continued. “Ok, now the real question is, who gets what weapon?”
“Ah…” Scout said, raising a hand as he took another muffin from Spike’s tray. “…I hate to be a bother, but… where are we going to stay for the next three days? ah mean, ah am NOT staying in Sniper’s campah van for any longer then ah have to.”
“Smells like Heavy piss.” Engineer agreed.
“Purple!” Soldier suddenly barked, thumbing up his helmet and staring at Twilight. “You have third amendment here?”
“…what have the what-what?” Twilight questioned, tilting her head.
“Close enough! I demand that you grant us quarter in this time of war!” Soldier said, leaping to his feet and walking over to Twilight.
“I’m sorry, but I really don’t know what you’re talking about.” Twilight said, looking at the rather large man looming over her.
“Ignorant maggot!” Soldier roared. “The third amendment says that in times of war, civilians MUST house soldiers!”
“That is, with proper legal procedures.” Engineer added.
“SILENCE, grease monkey!” Soldier barked.
“Please ignore him. Soldier is three screws short of a tire.” Medic said quietly to Twilight as Soldier continued to rant nonsense.
“Maybe, but that actually gave me an idea.” Twilight replied. “The library’s too small for all of you to fit in, but maybe one or two can fit in here. The rest of you can split up, with a couple staying at each of my friends’ houses.”
“Sounds good to me.” Medic said. Then he gave Soldier a good smack to quiet him down, and explained the new housing plan to everybody.
“Dibs on the rainbow one!” Scout said, hugging Rainbow Dash.
“Hell no!” Dash said, pushing him away. “Last time you hooked up with me, I was nearly murdalized by that giant robot!”
“…I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL!!” Scout said, bawling as he ran out the door.
“Way to go, Rainbow. You made Scout cry.” Twilight said irritatedly. For some reason, this made Spy snicker.
“All right, fine, I’ll take him in.” Rainbow said, crossing her arms and pouting.
“I’ll take the loud guy! He’s funny.” Pinkie said, pouncing on the Soldier.
“AUGH! Giant pink maggot!” Soldier cried, trying to shake Pinkie off.
“I’ll take Medic.” Twilight said. “He seems intelligent, not to mention I want to ask him more questions about the human world.”
Then Twilight felt something hugging her. She looked around to see the Pyro, hugging her from behind. “…I guess I’ll be taking Pyro, too.” She said, shrugging.
“anny’you got any – hic! – alcohol?” Demoman said, tilting his bottle over to indicate that it was empty.
“Um… ah got cider…” Applejack said, raising a hoof.
“gaaaah, ah luv ya man….” Demoman slurred as he abruptly passed out, landing on Applejack’s back and forcing her to the floor.
“I’ll stay with the orange one, too.” Sniper said. “I’ll need her cider or whatever to refill my Jarate supplies.”
“DON’T ask.” Medic warned Applejack.
“I believe I will take the smartly-dressed man in the suit.” Rarity said, pointing to Spy. “He seems clean.”
“Indeed.” Spy said, nodding. “Laborer! Join us, will you?”
“Yeah!” Engineer said, heading over to them.
“Him? Why?” Rarity asked, looking nervously at Engineer’s greasy gloves.
“I have my reasons.” Spy said, raising an eyebrow. “Do you object?”
“No! no, it’s just….” Rarity stuttered, “…no, no. I wouldn’t be the element of Generosity if I didn’t.”
“Element of Generosity?” Spy questioned.
“I’ll explain it all tomorrow.” Twilight said. She looked out the window, and saw the sun setting. That story had taken longer than she had thought it would. “It’s pretty late right now, and we should all start getting some rest.”
“Vait!” Medic said. “Vere vill Heavy stay?”
Everyone looked over at the giant man, who was petting Fluttershy like she was a dog.
“Heavy is staying with tiny yellow pony!” Heavy said, his tone a mix of a coo and a bear growl, as he hugged Fluttershy to his cheek.
“Oh dear.” Fluttershy said quietly.