A/N: Sorry about the delay, I got sidetracked by other ideas.
It's half past ten in the morning and Hoity's eyes slowly open up.
"Ugh...Where am I? Why do I feel like I just got ht by a carriage? Why can't I feel my crotch?" Hoity says to himself, because apparently his unwanted mind guest named Duke was taking the day off. Hoity began to survey the room. There were nine mares he counted. Three were in his bed, two were cuddling each other on the fold out sofa one was slumped over in a chair and three were in the bathroom passed out. Hoity slowly crept out of bed, got his wallet and saddlebags and got out of the hotel suite. He made his way to the lobby to see he was in the most expensive hotel in the city.
Once there he approached the front desk to speak to one of the clerks.
"Hello, Mr. Jet Set do you need anything else or are you ready to check out?" The young stallion at the front desk asked him.
'Wait...Jet Set? We'll at least Duke was smart enough not you use my real name.'
Hoity thought as he looked through his saddle bags to find 400 bits and a wallet that belonged to a Mr. Jet Set. 'Where did this come from?'
Hoity staggered "Yes... I'm ready to check out, here's 400 bits, which should cover everything." Hoity threw the money at a very confused hotel clerk and ran out of the hotel.
Hoity had made it to Middlefield Park. Hoity sat on a park bench with his mane disheveled and suit wrinkled and grungy. A passing by old griffin tossed him a couple of bits, thinking he was homeless. Hoity continued to look down at his hooves. He started calling out to Duke.
"Duke." He called out with no response
"Duke we need to talk." He again received no response
"Duke, we need to talk, immediately!" Hoity yelled out eliciting some odd looks from ponies walking around the park.
"What is it loser? I'm tryin to sleep."
"What is the meaning of renting the most expensive room at the most lavish hotel in the city and renting a grand total of nine whores."
Duke sneered and gave his explanation and filled in the gaps from last night. "First off Sergeant Panty Waste, I only rented the room with money I won hustling pool last night and that wallet I stole from that asshole Jet Set, the girls weren’t hookers I’m just that good and it was a slow night. I'd like to say somethings about this world. Your chicks need some double whammies and why aren't there any drugs?"
"Stop whining."
"You listen to me colt-cuddler, I'm not whining, I'm complaining and if you back sass me again I'll kick our ass."
Hoity dismissed his treat just as Duke takes one of Hoity's hooves and pimp slaps him with it.
"OUCH, LUNA IN THE MOON DAMMIT, THAT HURT!!!" Hoity said while regaining control of the same hoof that hit him.
Duke laughed. "See? Now be quiet I need some sleep, I suggest you do the same, who knows we might run into that German chick again."
Hoity wondered if he was talking about Foto, but then he realized that Duke probably has access to his memories. Hoity managed to get out of the park while still being stared at my several ponies that thought he has lost his mind. He made it to his penthouse and did as Duke suggested.
The next morning
Hoity wakes up and prepares himself a simple low calorie and nutritious breakfast. It's an extremely dainty meal. Duke sees what he's eating and loses it.
"What is this garbage?"
"It's goat cheese on watercress with a side of whole wheat toast points." Hoity retorts while chewing his meal. Duke forces Hoity's hoof away from the table.
"It's homo food, from now on it's a six pack of beer, twelve energy bars, half a dozen raw eggs, two hundred pushups and a five mile run every day starting at 5am."
"WHAA?!?!"
"Get ready to bare-knuckle box with the gods, bitch."
"What's a knuckle?" Hoity asked as he received a hoof across the face.
"Don't question me, Man-gina!"
Against all his pleading Duke forced Hoity to obey his new diet and exercise routine. Hoity felt like he was gonna keel over any minute from his five mile run.
"I'm a fashion expert, not an athlete." Hoity said as he panted.
"Shut up, jackass. Now start those pushups."
The fashion cautious pony's only reprieve was that he had to go to work on those designs that were due soon for the big show in Mareami.
Hoity was exhausted to the point where he felt sick, but sadly he had been away from work for too long so he completed his workout or his case torture, got in a quick shower. To his surprise Duke hadn't thrown out his favorite scented bath soaps. He did his mane, which he opted to just to run a comb through it, because after this morning's events he was too tired to give a damn. Finally he got dressed and within twenty minutes he was out the door and at his design studio.
He was greeted warmly by Fast Scribe in her usual casual tone and friendly demeanor.
"Sir, I hope those two days off were what you needed. Anyway there is so much to do. First off there is a Mr. Power Lifter here to see you in your office." Hoity cringed at that name Power Lifter was Hoity's irritating nephew that always tried to weasel bits from him. "Next, Glitz and Glamor need you to sign off on their next project and fill out their intern evaluation sheets. Following that there is news that the show in Mareami has been moved to this weekend and Oh, a Ms. Foto Finish called to say she's coming here to check up on you, chat and view your latest designs at around three."
Hoity felt a knot in his gut build up at the sound of that last bit of information. It wasn't the fact that the deadline had been moved up, it was news that Foto, his dream mare was coming to check up on him and it couldn't have happened at the worst possible time. A time when he was sharing his brain with a macho sadistic pervert. "This isn't going to end well." He thought to himself.
"Oh, quit yer bitchin, let's see what you belly achin about." replied duke from inside Hoity's brain as he began to access the fashion stallion's memory.
"Oh, so your barn door does swing the right way. I gotta say you got odd taste in females."
"I think she's splendid, refined and--" Duke interrupted Hoity's emotional reminiscing of Foto.
"I don't need you to tell me her life story. Let's get to work."
Hoity went to his office to speak with his nephew whom was wearing his trademark face paint and tassels and he had his dirty hooves on Hoity's expensive solid oak desk.
"UNCLE TOITY, THE POWER OF DESTRUCITY, DEMANDS YOU GIVE ME BITS, I NEEDS MORE ROIDS TO DEFEAT HOAK-COLTGAN ON THE TERRRAIN OF TESTIMENT!!!!" Power Lifter bellows in sentences that barely make any sense.
Back inside Hoity's mind Duke decides to have a conversation. "What's his problem? He retarded or something?"
"No, Duke, he's a pro-wrestler that's quite touched in the head. He's also my sister's son." Hoity groans as he mentioned his relationship to the roided up moron.
THE POWER OF THE ULTIMATE LIFTER NEEDS THOSE BITS, NOW!"
"I think you need to buy--" He was interrupted by Power Lifter.
"JUST GIVE ME BITS, SUN GLASSES SUCK." he said as he jabbed a hoof at his uncle.
When he said those last three words it was like he sealed his own fate. Duke didn't mind Hoity getting emasculated, but the moment someone puts down and berates sun glasses the gloves were off and it time to "kick ass and take names."
Hoity felt himself blackout as Duke regained full control of Hoity's body. It was like the king was wearing the shell of the fashion guru. Music for the scene: prodgidy : invaders must die
Power Lifter felt a hoof land a blow that set his reeling back about four feet.
Duke-Toity looked down at the large stallion whom was trying to process the information. "Your ass is grass and I've got the weed whacker."
"GAH!!! I'MA GONNA RIP YOU HALF, HOAK-COLTGAN." He yelled out as he charged head first into Duke-Toity, which knocked him back into the adjacent wall. Even a charging rhino gets lucky sometimes. Duke got up and pried himself off thanking that he didn't have to worry about the pain associated with any of these injuries in a few hours.
He looked at the stallion and smirked. Power Lifter was shocked that anypony could have dealt with him slamming into them. "Hasn't anyone ever told you that pro-wrestling is fake, but me, I'm real. Now get up bitch it's time to party."
Just as Power Lifter has ready to begin another assault Duke balanced himself on his hind legs and dealt the hulking idiot a full on round house kick that sent him careening out through a wall and out of his office. It was a TKO as for a brief second a score appeared on the screen that was not too dissimilar to that found in Street Fighter 3 Third Strike.
Security picked up Power Lifter and took him out of the studio as the other ponies just gawked at their boss with shocked expressions. Many of them couldn't fathom such a refined stallion as Hoity Alfonzo Toity delivering an unprecedented ass kicking as the one displayed just moments ago.
Hoity still controlled by Duke turned to Fast Scribe, " You! Um...secretary lady, get someone to clean up the mess, while I hit the can to drain the sea monster."
Fast Scribe was flustered by all this. In all the years she's known Hoity she's never seen him act like this, but at his request she did as he asked of her and decided that she'd ask Hoity about what just happened later on today.
Hoity woke up in the handicapped stall and looks down to find his front hooves covered in blood. His suit tattered and also blood stained and ragged. His trots slowly towards the mirror and shakily turns on the faucet and is only slightly relieved that the blood covering his hooves and face was not his. He leaves the bathroom and goes into the studio where he receives a lot of shocked glares. He looks at the wall of where his office is, and sees a huge whole and splintered studs and smashed drywall. 'Urg,... my head and my hooves are killing me.' He feels general soreness like he had been engaged in some sort of fight. He recalls talking to Power Lifter but after that he blacked out.
"Miss, Scribe would you please tell me where is my nephew?"
"You don't remember? Security escorted him out of the building and called him an ambulance carriage to take him Manehattan General."
Hoity took in this information. On one hoof he had just acted like a total barbarian, but on the other hoof he had just put his idiotic money grubbing nephew in his place.
"Sir, if I may ask what happened back there." Fast was still worried about her boss' odd behavior.
Hoity needed to come up with a good reason. "The ruffian tried to extort money from me and I needed to defend myself."
"Any way I need to move to the next task at hoof, which is..."
"...Glitz and Glamor's intern evaluation sheets."
"Right." Hoity went to the area where the two unicorn twins were working. They were a little worried after seeing their teacher beat the hell out of a stallion twice his size. Hoity's appearance didn't help matters.
Hoity was pleased at their work and quickly filled out their intern progress reports. 'They keep up this level of work and I'll have no choice but to keep them on board past their internship.'
He looked at the clock and realized that Ms. Scribe had said Foto would stop by at around three and sure enough the intercom buzzed and it was Foto. She was coming up and he looked like Inspector Tequila from the end of Hard Boiled. It was too late to find a new jacket.
"Hoity, zeet's good to see you. What happened to you?" Foto said while taking in his appearance.
Hoity had to come up with an excuse. "I-I h-had to defend my honor against an unwelcomed g-guest."
"Defend? He threw a stallion twice his size through a wall!" shouted Glitz from across the room.
Hoity looked back at Foto sheepishly. "I'm rather sorry for my ghastly appearance."
Foto just smiled. "I Foto Finish zhink you look rather rugged." Hoity felt his face heat up and was about to say something cliché and nauseatingly saccrine. Duke was just watching this scene play out and getting extremely impatient. "Oh, for fuck's sake, just get on with it!" He yelled inside Hoity's mind. "I can't take anymore of this high school Care Bears bullshit."
After a twenty minute chat about their careers and up and coming shows Hoity asked the question he had been dying to ask her even before his accident at the fashion expo. "Foto would you do me the honor of allowing me to escort you to the Gala next month."
"I Foto Finish will accept your offer." Hoity smiled and she accepted his offer and even liked her little idiosyncrasies like the way she spoke in the third person at the beginning of her sentences. However, he wasn't prepared for Foto to give his a light peck on the cheek.
"I Foto Finish do apologize zo cut zhis meeting short, but I have an important client zo meet. Would you mind walking me zo zee elevator?"
Meanwhile, Duke still exhausted from the fight was being tortured by all this lovey dovey garbage.
"Maybe we can have lunch after I get back from the big show in Mareami this weekend." Hoity said to Foto as she was waiting for the elevator.
"Slap her on the ass." Duke called out.
Hoity was appalled my Duke's request. "No, I am a gentlecolt, not a prude."
"She'll like it. Trust me."
"No, I shall not." just as Foto enters the lift Duke controls one of Hoity's front legs and slaps Foto on the flank. Instead of getting mad, she blushes and gives the fashion guru a passionate kiss.
"I-Foto Finish didn't expect zhat." She smiles as the elevator doors close.
Hoity just stands there dumbfounded. "Don't say I never did anything nice for ya." Hoity just stood there not moving. "Ummm...Loser?" Hoity fainted. "What the fuck is wrong with him, I musta pissed somebody off to get this guy as a host." Duke said as he decided to take control of Hoity's body again.
"I guess I need to do his job." Duke Toity said to himself. He knew that there was some kind of important fashion show thing and that if Hoity didn't get paid then Duke didn't get booze or laid.
Duke trotted up to the mannequins and realized that he didn't know the first thing about sewing. Lucky for him he could just access Hoity's memories.
"Let's see here." He said viewing Hoity's memories like a rolodex.
"Sewing."
"First day at prep school, nope."
"Sewing."
"Lost my virginity, nope but could be an interesting read for later." Duke laughed at that one.
"Sewing."
"Celestia awful fashion show in Ponyville, lame."
"Sewing."
"Mother teaches me to Sew, Aha bingo."
Duke Toity now armed with sewing knowledge decided to make the outfits about the only theme he was an expert on and if you know Duke Nukem then you probably know what he chose as his subject matter. The King got to work and this was probably the closest he had been to actually having a normal job in years. When he was done he felt an odd sense of accomplishment. He was tired and instead of going out to a bar and wreaking all sorts of new havoc, Duke opted to go back to Hoity's home and crash for the night.
A/N: The next chapter fashion show surprises, Hoity saves the day and the end is near. Also I'm really sorry I made you guys wait. I'm been busy with school and work and I was also a bit lazy.