Chapter Forty Six
"The hour grows late, dear sister. We will soon need to return to the palace in Canterlot and attend to the most crucial of our royal duties," Luna explained. There were a great many things that the two of them could do as royalty and get away with it, at least as far as the short term was concerned. But when it comes to raising and lowering their own respective celestial bodies, that was a duty that simply couldn't be shirked. If they didn't keep on schedule then their subjects would begin to worry about the imbalance. The last time that had happened, the farming guild had been quite vocal in their concern about how fifteen minutes more of darkness could adversely affect their crops. It was something she truly didn't get, but she would take them at their word simply to avoid such a headache again.
"I'm afraid you may be right, Luna, duty calls," Celestia replied. Much as she'd love to spend the night here with her friends, she had obligations to tend to. "I'll be along momentarily, after I collect the manticore's corpse. It wouldn't do to let the scavengers have it, and deprive us of whatever clues its carcass might contain."
"That may not be the most prudent course of action available to us at this point in time," Ulquiorra commented. He only paused long enough to ensure he had their attention before speaking again. "My new assignment requires me to be present in Ponyville for the next few days, just in case the manticore wasn't the end of this attack. But at present there are thirteen high-value targets in need of protecting with extreme caution. Instead of simply relocating the dead manticore, the most practical decision would be to relocate the Elements of Harmony, their corresponding bearers, and Spike, back to Canterlot palace where they'll be much more secure, compared to an open village," he explained.
"Ya mean pack up an' jus' leave Ponyville fer Canterlot? Jus' like that?" Applejack asked in a confused manner. It certainly sounded like that's what he was suggesting. "Mr. Cifer, ah know yer looking out fer us in yer own way an' all, but ah can' be gone from Sweet Apple Acres fer a whole week. Ah got way too much work ta do around here. There's duties an' responsibilities involved here," she explained.
"I can't really leave either. There are a lot of animals that count on me, and most of them are still recuperating from when that changeling was here. I just don't think I can do it," Fluttershy added.
Ulquiorra remained silent despite their objections. On the one hand these ponies were being very foolish. Their continued safety was directly tied to the safety of Equestria, and if something were to happen to them, then the entire nation would suffer as a result. They were essentially the equivalent of a carotid or femoral artery. Their silly notions should be the least of their concerns right now, as they had a responsibility to something far bigger than their own limited view of the world.
On the other hand, he could understand their reluctance to leave, despite the urgency that they do just that. He understood what it meant to have duties and responsibilities that needed to be filled, even when others would suggest abandoning ship to save their own skin. It was that understanding, that sense of duty and obligation, that was responsible for him being here right now. Even when he had the opportunity to flee the battle over Las Noches and save his own skin, he'd declined to do so in the name of fulfilling his orders from Aizen. A lesser Espada would've chosen to flee their post and live to see another day.
With that fact in mind he really couldn't berate them for their decision to stay, despite the danger that they would undoubtedly face in doing so.
"Then if your intent is to remain, we should discuss how to reduce the number of locations that will need to be guarded," he replied simply.
Rainbow Dash blinked in confusion. Had he just given up on making an argument? If he had then that was kind of surprising. But nevermind that, an idea just came to her, and she needed to make it known before somepony else said something and got her distracted.
"We could all head back to my place. Nothing would think to look for us there," she suggested, "and even if they did think to, there's nothing that could really reach us so high up. Besides, nopony's truly known what a good night's sleep is until they've slept on a cloud."
"A situation that would likely cause even more difficulties than simply venturing to Canterlot," Ulquiorra replied.
"Say what?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"If you'll remember, you pointed out your home during my first tour of Ponyville. While being perched significantly high off the ground would provide some measure of security, the practical difficulties are numerous. Assuming Twilight Sparkle's cloud-walking spell lasts for more than a few hours-"
"Three days. However the duration can be extended if necessary," Twilight interrupted.
"-simply traveling from one location to another would present considerable, time-consuming difficulties that would need to be addressed. And securing you seven, along with the Elements of Harmony, would do nothing to translate into securing Ponyville as well. For me to be present in one location would result in the other being unguarded and unmonitored as my pesquisa doesn't extend outward to an infinite degree. And that doesn't even go into the lack of defense against flight-based attacks; should another dragon be mobilized, cloud matter will provide no protection from its fury."
"Wow Ulqy," Pinkie breathed in response, "Applejack said you were a deep thinker. But I didn't think you actually thought so far in that you came out the other side. You actually came up with all of that in just a few seconds?" she asked.
"Correct," Ulquiorra replied simply.
"Then we shall need a new solution to the problem at hoof," Luna commented as she shifted her stance. Unfortunately recognizing such was the extent of her knowledge right now.
"I actually might have one," Twilight spoke up, bringing everyone's attention to her. "We need to secure not only ourselves and the Elements, but Ponyville as well. But we're faced with the difficulties of ourselves being too integrated into the town to just pick up and leave at the drop of a hat, and how we can't go too far without leaving Ponyville vulnerable. But what if everypony spends the night here at the library? It's a fixed location, easy to secure, close to everyone's home, and Ulquiorra wouldn't have to leave Ponyville exposed to another attack while safeguarding us. Everything and everyone could be guarded at the same time with very little in the way of difficulties," she explained.
"Hmm," Celestia muttered in thought, stroking her chin with one of her wings. "That sounds like a viable option. What do you think, Ulquiorra?" she asked.
Ulquiorra considered the possibility. If the others weren't going to willingly leave Ponyville, then having them all present in an easy to protect area made the most amount of sense. From this specific location in town he would be able to detect any disturbances within its borders. All in all it seemed like the least objectionable option that was available to them.
"Considering our limited options, it may be the best choice open to us at present," he replied.
"Oh my. Something just occurred to me," Rarity spoke up, "we might be here, safe and sound in the library thanks to Ulquiorra's presence? But what about our sisters? What about Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom?" she asked.
"Hey yeah, and what about Scoots? We might not be related, but that doesn't mean she's in any less danger than the other two," Rainbow Dash quickly added. How could she have possibly missed such an obvious fact?
"Oh my gosh! The Cakes! They could be in just as much danger because I live with them! The twins could be gobbled up in the middle of the night!" Pinkie stated in terror.
"And what about Angel Bunny? Something terrible could happen to him and all the other little animals," Fluttershy added.
Twilight tried to be calm, tried not to lose her temper as her friends voiced their concerns about friends, relatives, and other acquaintances, and how they might be in danger simply by knowing them. And for the most part she was doing well at holding her tongue. But when the discussion turned to the absurd notion of bringing everypony into the library for the night, that was when she just lost it.
"EVERYPONY JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!" she bellowed as loud as she could, immediately bringing a complete halt to the bickering going on back and forth. That was better. A lack of chaos meant she could get a word in edgewise. "I-" she started, but could only cough in response as she tried to clear her throat. "Oh wow, that's really hard on the throat," she commented, before trying again. "Look everypony, I know we're all worried about those that're important to us. But there's no way in Tartarus that we can fit so many ponies into the library at once. We need to approach this situation calmly and rationally, not running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. If we start panicking now, we're bound to lose. We-" she tried to explain, but started coughing again before she could get much further in detail. She never should've bellowed like that.
Luna decided to step in, seeing her friend unable to continue with whatever explanation she was intending to give. She couldn't help but admire her efforts at mimicking the royal voice in an effort to regain order, even if the results were lacking. And now she was learning about the hazards of speaking in such a manner when ill-prepared.
"Twilight Sparkle makes an excellent point. Concern for loved ones is fine, but it is dangerous to let such concern run unchecked. We... I mean I may have a solution to the problem at hoof we are facing. For those that live outside of Ponyville and may be in danger due to their relation, I believe a solution is available. While Ulquiorra Cifer guards Ponyville and those present, I will dispatch a number of my own guards to patrol the areas, both to ensure nothing unusual occurs, and that no harm comes to anypony present. The night is my domain, and I will not allow such a travesty to occur on my watch," she stated firmly.
"That's quite a decision to be making, Luna," Celestia commented at hearing the determination in her sister's voice. It was... almost frightening how she could so easily switch between friendly and serious without any warning. "But are you sure it's wise? Not knowing what we're up against, it might be dangerous to do something like that," she pointed out.
"Rest assured, dear sister, those that guard the night are not the type to slouch about. They are well equipped for duties that your own day guards are not. They shall be fine, as will those that are under their watchful eyes," Luna explained in a reassuring manner, before turning to address the others. "Before we take our leave, are there any other points that you feel need to be raised? Any details that need to be hammered on?"
"Hammered out," Twilight quickly corrected without even giving it any thought.
"I can think of none," Ulquiorra replied, unconcerned with the nonsense that was going on about him. However Princess Luna and Twilight Sparkle stepping in to prevent a certain percentage of the entire town being brought into the library to be watched over, was something that he could be thankful for. Simply because he could tolerate these ponies, didn't mean he wanted to do so in large numbers for long hours; he would be doing enough of that over the course of the week without being housed in the same building as them.
Then again there was nothing saying he had to stay confined to the library. Truthfully he would be more useful above the library where he could have an unimpeded line of sight. It would also grant him some measure of solitude.
However that solitude would hardly be impenetrable. Two of the ponies that would be present possessed the ability to fly, and could easily reach him if they so desired; just as he'd experienced back in Canterlot. There would be nothing to stop Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy from setting out for the purpose of seeking him out, either to seek his counsel as if he was a caring individual... or worse, because they intended to hug him...
All around him the ponies looked at each other in an attempt to figure out if there were anymore points that needed to be raised while Celestia and Luna were still present, and actually able to address them in an order manner. Hopefully there wouldn't be, and all further discussion could be brought to a halt.
"Well... something just occurred to me. Where is Ulquiorra going to sleep? Twilight has spare pillows, blankets, and sleeping bags for all of us whenever we stay over. But Ulquiorra is... taller than all of us. I don't think there's any way he could actually get comfortable and rest properly," Fluttershy pointed out.
Fluttershy's statement did little to truly surprise him. Knowing that her attribute was kindness, her concern for him likely didn't surprise anyone that was present.
"Hollows don't need sleep in order to survive or function. To warrant sleep, it would be necessary for there to be absolutely no better way to occupy my time; no duties to fulfill, no research to conduct, no threats to address. Since that is unlikely at best, I will have no need for accommodations; especially since I will be keeping watch outside during the course of the evening," he explained.
"I'd recommend against that. We're gonna be getting rain after midnight," Rainbow Dash pointed out, "you might be able to just waltz right through dragon fire like it's cotton candy, but I doubt even you could stand out in the rain and not get soaked to the bone."
He didn't want to admit to the fact that he'd forgotten that piece of conversation from earlier in the day when he'd first arrived in Ponyville. Now that she'd mentioned it, he remembered Rainbow Dash mentioning something about having to get ready for rain overnight. He also didn't want to admit to the fact that she was correct; his hierro would protect him from a number of different types of harm, but being drenched by rain was definitely not on that list. Not that it would impair his wellbeing in any way, but wearing soaking wet clothing was something that he didn't feel particularly motivated to experience again.
That fact, combined with the fact that his air-walking ability would do nothing to keep some of the ponies away from him, would suggest that perhaps the best option available was to simply remain present for the night. If nothing else there was always the possibility of some books being present that would be more useful to him than the ones in Canterlot's library. At the very least it would serve as a distraction from their insanity.
"Noted," he replied, "it would appear I will be present for the evening."
"Yay! Slumber party!" Pinkie cheered excitedly.
"There will be much work needing to be done before any attempt at another party can be had. If everyone is to be present then the building will need to be fortified. All the doors and windows will need to be secured, in order to prevent unauthorized entry. Furthermore-" Ulquiorra explained. However his explanation was cut short by a loud grumbling making itself known. It was a grumbling that sounded consistent with a large, vicious beast making its presence known in order to induce terror in its prey. And yet there wasn't a single foreign reiatsu presence anywhere that could be detected. "What precisely was that?" he asked.
"Sorry, that was me. I'm getting really hungry," Pinkie replied with a sheepish grin.
"You're not the only one," Rainbow Dash stated as she rubbed her stomach.
"Same here," Applejack added.
All around him was the agreement of experiencing a state of hunger. Yet another shortcoming of living beings. But there was little that he could do about that. That meant either postponing the fortification, or doing it by himself. However even he realized that there was only so much he could realistically do without the magical intervention of Twilight Sparkle; assuming his assessment of her skills was accurate.
"If there are no other pressing matters then we truly must be taking our leave now. Sunset and moonrise cannot be postponed," Luna stated, growing visibly distressed the longer they unnecessarily remained in Ponyville. She enjoyed spending time with her friends as much as anypony, but she understood there was a difference between having fun, and being responsible.
"Calm yourself, Luna, we'll be departing in just a moment," Celestia said in an effort to calm down her younger sister. They still had plenty of time to get back to Canterlot and deal with their duties. It wasn't like they were being pressed for time currently. And there were still other matters that needed to be tended to before she was comfortable with taking off just like that.
"There are certain matters that cannot wait a moment, dear sister. Certain urgent matters that must be tended to quickly," Luna stressed.
Celestia, for the life of her, couldn't figure out just what it was that had Luna so agitated. It wasn't so late in the day that the moon had to be raised. She was about the press her on the matter, until she finally saw the desperate look in her little sister's eyes, and suddenly realization dawned on her; Luna was in need of a potty break, and didn't wish to use the local facilities, as she was doing her best to appear discrete. That certainly explained much, such as the constant little shifts she'd made in where and how she stood throughout the conversation. Considering how upset she'd been all day since finding out about Pipsqueak, is was no wonder this was happening.
"Very well then, Luna, we'll be taking our leave now," Celestia reassured her, before turning to the others once more, "take care, my little ponies. We'll be doing our best to try and figure out this mystery, and get to the bottom of it as quickly as possible."
She could certainly say a lot more, but at the moment she couldn't see the point in such. Telling Ulquiorra the obvious about the importance of protecting Twilight and the others would be a waste of time, and going into long-winded speeches would serve no point except for making Luna dance about in a desperate manner. For that reason she would cut this short. Some things were just too important to wait.
Twilight preferred to eat healthy whenever possible. It was as simple as that. She didn't subscribe to the notion of fast food being an acceptable alternative to a meal consisting of proper ingredients measured and mixed in the proper proportions.
But on top of the day they'd had to far, none of them really felt like waiting the half hour or more for a proper meal to be prepared and cooked. On top of that, she really couldn't see on insisting that Spike do the work himself in this instance. And any of them actually trying to lend assistance in the kitchen... no. Just no. So instead of all that hassle they opted to do something that he rarely ever gave consideration to; they ordered takeout from one of the fast food places.
The order had been from a place recommended by Rainbow Dash, the food consisting of crispy hay fries that had literally been fried in grease, and some kind of sandwich consisting of a vegetable mix of indeterminate construction actually compressed into patty form, and served on a bun covered with sesame seeds. All in all it struck her as unusual, and not the most transparent of meals that could be experienced, what with the insides of the sandwich being compressed food bits, and there being no way of telling just what parts of what plants had been used.
But despite it all she had to admit one thing above all else; for fast food it tasted very good even by her standards. Especially when there was ketchup to dip her fries in.
"I told ya you'd like it, Egghead," Rainbow Dash commented as she watched her friend more or less dive into another bite of her hay bacon cheeseburger.
"And you were right," Twilight replied in between wiping her mouth with her napkin to clear away all of the ketchup that had accumulated. Tidiness be damned, this was good. "This is actually pretty delicious. I can't believe I've never heard of the Hayburger before."
"Ah don' know. It doesn' really have much taste to it compared ta home cookin'," Applejack commented. This type of food might've been fine for some others, but it just wasn't her cup of tea. Everything tasted dry and overcooked to her, even the lettuce that was included. And no amount of ketchup or mayonnaise was gonna help that any.
"Quite frankly I agree with Applejack. This fast food leaves much to be desired, both in taste and quality," Rarity added. Out of all her friends she was the least satisfied with tonight's meal, her burger sitting untouched in its wrapper, and only nibbling at the hay fries. Although to a trained observer, they might notice that her efforts suggested she was currently trying to hide a guilty pleasure in front of everyone.
Fluttershy's position was silent and more visual in nature. Unlike the others she was content to simply munch on a fresh apple from Twilight's kitchen, rather than eat anything from a fast food place.
Rainbow Dash just shrugged in response. More for her, Twilight, Pinkie, and Spike then.
"Hey wait a minute, aren't we forgetting about something important?" Spike asked as he spoke up. "What about Ulquiorra? He hasn't had anything to eat since the party," he pointed out, gesturing over his shoulder to where the Espada in question stood by the front door, facing away from them.
Each of them stopped and looked over to where Ulquiorra stood, not saying a word as he kept his back to them while he guarded the front door. They all more or less understood that he didn't have to eat in the traditional sense in order to sustain himself. However not offering him anything probably wasn't the nicest thing they could've done under the circumstances.
"I don't know, he doesn't strike me as much of a vegetarian," Rainbow Dash commented. If they'd offered him anything for dinner, she had her bits on him refusing.
"A correct observation," Ulquiorra announced from where he stood, causing them to flinch at the revelation that he'd been paying attention the entire time. They'd really have to watch what they said around him, lest they say something they'd regret later on.
"Yeah I thought so. You're probably the type to favor a nice juicy cut of steak or something," Rainbow Dash replied.
"Really Rainbow Dash," Rarity huffed in response to her friend's statement. "This is hardly appropriate mealtime discussion to be having. It's simply revolting."
"Regardless of such, it is an accurate assessment," Ulquiorra replied calmly without even looking over his shoulder. "Due to aspects of a Hollow's nature, there is indeed a certain propensity towards carnivorous practices when it comes to eating," he explained.
"Yeah, only trouble with that is there's no place around here where you can get a good porterhouse cut," Rainbow Dash commented before turning her attention back to what remained of her meal.
"RD, ya really shouldn' go an' talk 'bout stuff ya don' have an understandin' of. The way yer talkin' right now, somepony might think ya actually ate meat before," Applejack pointed out.
"And who says that I haven't?" Rainbow Dash asked.
Ulquiorra would admit to anyone that might ask, that the way the conversation had been going lately, it was all just trivial dribble that could be tuned out without missing anything of importance. However when it came to Rainbow Dash's question, it was enough for him to take interest as the rest of the library went silent. In fact it was enough that his interest demanded he turn around and face the lot of them. Twilight Sparkle had explained how some ponies did indeed engage in the consumption of meat, but he truly hadn't expected to find out that the cyan pegasus was one such pony.
"Wait," Spike spoke slowly in disbelief. Was he actually hearing this correctly? "You've actually eaten meat before?" he asked her.
"What can I say? I used to be friends with Gilda, remember? And if you're friends with a gryphon, eventually you're gonna be invited over to their house for dinner," Rainbow Dash explained and shrugged. "When you're a filly you don't think about these things as much."
Even from where he stood Ulquiorra could tell the others were uncomfortable -even repulsed- with what Rainbow Dash was talking about. Twilight Sparkle was not a part of the group, as her reiatsu levels were bristling and fluctuating, indicating an interest in what was being discussed. It also suggested a disregard for the well being of the others present, in favor of gaining information that could benefit herself.
"Really? Can you go into more detail? What was it like?" she asked, barely able to contain her excitement.
"Let's see..." Rainbow Dash replied as she rubbed her chin with her hoof in thought. "This was years ago, back during junior speedster camp. I remember there was more than one kind of meat... I think it was chicken, pork, beef... and venetian. Out of them the beef was the tastiest, followed by the venetian, pork, and then the chicken in that order. But the beef was also the toughest to chew at the time. Plus there's the indigestion to deal with, that's a given. But if you can get past all that, it's not too bad," she explained as best she could.
"Fascinating. What about now? Is this a practice you still engage in?" Twilight asked.
"Well..." Rainbow Dash hesitated as all eyes were on her, and some of them didn't look all that friendly right now. But then again some of the things she'd found out about her friends today hadn't been all that comfortable to her, so they really shouldn't be judging her. "Sometimes, when there's a joint conference with the weather teams that oversee gryphon territory. But it's not like I'm going out and acting like a vulture," she explained.
Rarity remained silent as she listened to Rainbow Dash's explanation of the events of her past. She would admit that the idea of such an act was revolting to consider. However, browbeating her for her decisions wasn't the proper thing to do. It wasn't Rainbow Dash's fault that she'd been corrupted by that detestable gryphon.
But while she wouldn't lecture Rainbow Dash, hearing the cyan pegasus tell her tale had caused her to think about something. And as far as she was concerned, that something was worth exploring in better detail.
"If you don't mind my asking, darling, something just doesn't seem to add up. You seem to be the only one present that has no problem with... eating meat... yet you were the most vocally upset about the idea of euthanasia. Why is that?" she asked.
"Wait, what? What'd I miss out on?" Spike asked, taken by surprise by the way this conversation was going. First it was meat, and then they were on the topic of euthanasia? What kind of events had been going on while he'd been helping take care of Apple Bloom and the others?
"Because the two aren't related to each other," Rainbow Dash replied, ignoring Spike's question in order to address the unicorn. "I never went out and hunted down something for a meal. The meat was already processed, marketed, and bought in those cases. It's not like me abstaining would've made a difference, just like it's not like how I created a demand for it. I didn't do anything except be polite in those cases," she explained.
Now that Rarity heard it actually be explained, she would admit that it did make some greater amount of sense to her. As Rainbow Dash had said, she didn't go out and hunt down her meals when she wanted meat. It wasn't really the same as the predatory habits of others if she was simply being polite to her hosts; that was something she'd had to put up with so many times before, she knew how it went.
"Wow, Dashie, I had no idea you were omnivorous!" Pinkie stated excitedly by this new revelation. This was big news; big, BIG news!
"Like I said, Pinkie, it's not something I do regularly. It's just one of those things, you know?" Rainbow Dash asked, making an effort to calm whatever had excited the pink earth pony. The last thing they needed right now was anything resembling a party due to this revelation.
"Hold up!" Spike called loudly to get their attention. He had questions that he wanted answered, and he was getting tired of being ignored in favor of discussions about diets. "What euthanasia? What's been going on around here that I've been missing out on?"
Ulquiorra considered the situation before him. Spike amounted to an important member of their little organization, serving as a direct -and expedient- line of communication to Princess Celestia. And yet the others were treating him in a manner that was inconsistent with his potential value. He was asking a legitimate question, and the others were all hesitant to answer in an honest fashion. Was it simply due to their own discomfort with talking about such? Or was it a psychological matter, as they all attempted to protect the youngest among them from some of the more unsavory facts of life? Whatever the meaning behind their actions, it was something that would need to come to an end.
And much to his mild surprise, Twilight Sparkle seemed to be taking just such an initiative as she began speaking up.
"... One of the ponies attacked by the manticore, she was stung and injected with it's venom. T-there was no antidote or treatment available. And rather than let the foal suffer, Ulquiorra..." she paused as she looked back at him, and then back to where Spike sat. Even he could tell that she was trying to think of how to word this delicately, while still being honest. "He did the merciful thing under the circumstances..."
"You mean he... he actually killed a pony?" Spike asked.
"An operation sanctioned by Princess Celestia. She agreed that it would be the most merciful option available, as the alternative was a protracted death by suffocation," Ulquiorra explained calmly, keeping things simple so Spike could properly grasp what was being said. Due to his youth, he would require a significantly more cautious approach than the others.
Spike remained silent at hearing the Espada's statement, uncertain of what to say, uncertain of what to even think about what he'd just been told. This was deep on a level of deepness he couldn't remember ever being before. It was enough to make him feel like his stomach was doing somersaults. Painful, contracting somersaults that could tear the tissue apart from the inside out and-
He suddenly let loose a large, painful, noxious belch of green fire into the air, a large tome materializing just overhead. A tome that Twilight quickly enveloped in her magic, as he let out a sigh from the tension leaving his body, and his stomach once again feeling relaxed; relaxed to the point that he was hungry again.
"Is that the book you were asking about, Twilight?" Fluttershy asked.
"It is. "Advanced Arcane Arts of Magic and Defense" just as requested. It looks like I've got some studying to do after dinner," Twilight replied as she looked at the cover.
"Ugh. When you say stuff like that, Twi', you give me flashbacks to when I had to do homework after dinner. You get way too excited about stuff like that," Rainbow Dash stated.
"Well this homework, Rainbow Dash, may wind up saving our lives at some point down the line. Ulquiorra can't stay in Ponyville all the time, and we have to be ready for anything. According to everything I've read, there are incredibly powerful spells housed within these pages," Twilight explained.
"You mean even more powerful than what you hit Ulqy with last week in Canterlot?" Pinkie asked.
Twilight was about to speak, but she stopped just after opening her mouth in order to think. She remembered what Pinkie was talking about, that rage-induced attack she'd launched in an effort to kill Ulquiorra for what she'd believed he'd done to Celestia. It had been a devastating, terrifying thing to engage in. It scared her even to think about it.
"I don't know about being more powerful, but they're definitely more efficient in nature. And they're likely much safer to use as well," Twilight replied.
"Safer? Ah don' think ah follow. Wha' do ya mean by safer?" Applejack asked.
Twilight sighed as she carefully set the book down next to her, before turning to address her friends. "Remember the conversation that was had when Ulquiorra wasn't impressed by the Sonic Rainboom? There are two types of techniques in this world. Those that can't be performed after a certain point of exhaustion has been reached. And those that can continue to be performed until the user dies from exhaustion. The Sonic Rainboom fits into the category of the first technique, whereas what I did would be categorized as the second. I didn't realize it at the time, but that's why it took me so long to recover. What I did when I unleashed that attack, if I'd tried to make it any stronger at all, I would've died as a result from draining all of my mana. There would've been nothing left to maintain my body's functions. It's like Ulquiorra said back then, how I barely had enough mana left to even stand after that," she explained.
Rarity did her best to suppress any noises that would indicate her surprise and terror at Twilight's explanation. She remembered back to their confinement in the holding cell, how she'd observed her friend's weakened condition, her labored movements as she fought for consciousness while addressing them. She'd been so concerned about how her friend had looked half dead in the immediate aftermath of her fury. And now she felt horrified at the revelation that she had come so close to being completely dead as a result of her own actions.
"And you believe these new spells will be safer to use?" she asked cautiously.
Twilight nodded in response. "They will be, since they aren't techniques that consist of exerting pure mana energy for the purpose of simple destruction. Spells don't allow for exhaustion to the point of death, because safeguards are woven into their makeup to prevent such, effectively moving them into the first category. If a pony doesn't have the necessary mana to cast the spell, it simply won't work, rather than literally draining the life out of them. The chances of dying in such a manner from casting any spell are... well I won't say they don't exist, because there's always the chance for something to occur. But the chances are statistically minute, to the point of being insignificant in nature," she explained, doing her best to make it clear that what she was about to attempt wouldn't be nearly as hazardous as what she'd attempted previously. Just thinking back on it was enough to make her uneasy. To consider everything that had happened, and the reasons for why they happened... she had to tune those thoughts out now, before the shivers started running up and down her spine in an unrestrained manner.
"And precisely what type of spells are we talking about?" Ulquiorra asked.
"To be honest I really don't know. There was a lot of reference material about the book to read, but nothing specific about what was housed within. But then again that's to be expected, all things considered. I won't know until I actually buckle down and start reading," Twilight replied, before popping the last of her burger into her mouth to finish off the meal. "And speaking of which I really need to get started. I've got a lot of reading to do, and I need to find a place to secure the book for when I'm not reading it."
"Before you do that, Twi', do you think we should write Celestia first?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"I'm not sure, why?" Twilight asked curiously. What was Rainbow Dash getting at with such a question? She knew it certainly wasn't about letting Celestia know that the book made it through just fine, that would be redundant ever for herself to do.
"Canterlot palace keeps meat in stock for when the gryphon ambassadors show up for important meetings and stuff, right? Maybe they could spare a steak for our guest?" Rainbow Dash suggested.
Now that was something Ulquiorra hadn't seen coming. Out of all the possible forms of interaction that could be had with any one of these ponies, either individually or in a group fashion, Rainbow Dash actually inquiring into acquiring a steak for him was definitely not on that list. Yet again, these ponies were proving to be more interesting than they appeared.
"Oh honestly, Rainbow Dash, now you're just trying to be vulgar on purpose," Rarity huffed, disgusted with the direction this conversation was slowly but surely headed.
"Am not," Rainbow Dash retorted as if it was truly valid in nature, and fully adequate as a rebuttal. "I'm just trying to be friendly here."
It was at this point that Ulquiorra decided to speak up and interrupt the conversation that was being had. The way things were currently going, he couldn't see anything more beneficial being had right now.
"Assuming a steak could indeed be acquired, it would become necessary to first make sure contamination by poison joke did not take place. Deliberate or otherwise," he pointed out. Immediately all discussion ended when he mentioned poison joke, reminding them of what they'd done to him earlier. Some looked at him, while others couldn't bring themselves to make eye contact at their ears drooped, indicating discomfort with what he was saying.
"We deserved that," Twilight commented, knowing there was no way to deny the implication that they might try and drug him. After what they'd done to him at the party, he had every right to be suspicious of them and any of their future actions. "You've got every right to be angry at us over that..."
Ulquiorra remained silent momentarily to consider his options. This was necessary due to one of the immediate thoughts that came to his mind, being the notion of sarcastically thanking Twilight Sparkle for her permission to hold a grudge against them for their actions. It was certainly a possibility, but it simply wasn't his style of doing things. At least not to that extent anyway. A different approach was needed in this case.
"And yet I bear no anger towards any of you for your actions today. It would be a useless gesture with no beneficial results. Showing displeasure would not undo what occurred," he explained calmly. If they were looking to be rebuked for their actions in an effort to make themselves feel better, then they would need to continue looking. "As I believe I explained at the party, your small group managed to surprise me with your hidden depths. Prior to today I didn't believe any of you had the guile necessary to make the decisions that you did. You saw an opportunity that you believed would benefit you at the expense of another who made themselves vulnerable, and you chose to exploit it. It was a pragmatic decision on your parts. It was a decision I would have made. The fact that you chose to perform the actions you did, means there is more reason to interact with you than simply serving in a protective role."
Silence. That was expected considering the subject material that was being discussed. Receiving a compliment rather than condemnation had definitely not been what they'd been expecting to take place after being reminded of their actions in the first place. And being compared to him -which by extension, involved comparing their actions to everything they knew that he was capable of- had likely shocked a few into remaining that way.
Of course that wasn't his problem. If the others were unprepared for his observations about the darker aspects of their nature, then it wasn't his fault. They could stand some toughening up if they were going to survive what the world might throw at them.
"Hold up, this is tough to swallow," Rainbow Dash spoke up, being the first in the group to do so. "How can you not be upset when we basically took advantage of you in the way we did? You said it yourself, we were willing to sacrifice Equestria's security for our own short-sighted purposes. And we did it when you were drugged and not yourself. Doesn't that make you at least a little upset with us?"
He remembered the conversation had at the barn of Sweet Apple Acres. He had belittled them for their childish, short-sighted nature. He had even complimented them on their actions, as he had been genuinely surprised by such an unforeseen development taking place. But he hadn't mentioned anything about Equestria's safety and security during that discussion. He had chosen to focus more on how they violated their own notions of friendship, rather than the more serious issues that could've been involved, simply because he didn't know how the poison joke would've affected his effectiveness at the time. Had Pipsqueak come through the door first, he wasn't sure how he would've responded.
Based on her words, it seemed reasonable to conclude that the cyan pegasus had been giving the matter some measure of deep thought on her own, even if she was misrepresenting some of the relevant details. In which case the surprises simply continued to mount as this day continued.
"No," he replied simply.
It was interesting to observe these ponies. The more sedate he was, the more upset they appeared to grow with his lack of a reaction. Perhaps they had all arrived at the conclusion that they deserved to be struck with retribution for their actions, and his refusal to drop the proverbial hammer was simply making matters more unbearable for them?
He briefly considered that possibility for a moment. Under the guise of friendship, perhaps it would be appropriate to berate them for their various actions, and give them whatever sense of punishment they felt that they had earned, assuaging them of whatever guilt they were carrying around, in order to help them focus on the more important matters at hand.
He considered such. But ultimately decided against it. Whatever pain they were in, they had earned it. And it would serve as an effective educator, and motivate them to not do something similar again in the future.
What could be better justified under the guise of friendship, than taking a course of action to try and teach them how to be strong on their own?
"Why not?" Rainbow Dash asked.
Was she quite serious with this line of questioning? This was rather unusual behavior to engage in. He couldn't help but wonder what currently drove her, spurring her onward in her quest for answers as to his reasoning.
"In your own words on the subject of friendship, the true measure is how others respond after realizing they have done something wrong. You have come to the conclusion that what you did was wrong, that point was reinforced by what happened to Ponyville during our absence, and it's unlikely that you would ever take such a course of action again," he explained calmly. Not that he doubted their potential for stupidity and short-sightedness. But after realizing that other ponies died while they had him distracted, he doubted even they would forget about that.
He waited. There was no immediate response from Rainbow Dash, nor any of the others at present time. With no disturbance he continued speaking once again.
"There is also the matter that I am at least partially responsible for the events that transpired. During my journey into the Everfree Forest I was warned about the presence of poison joke by Zecora. She warned to avoid the main path due to overgrowth, and instead take a longer route for the purpose of safety. Suspecting that something may occur during my absence, I chose to disregard her words and travel the shortest path, believing that my sonido would prove adequate against its presence. Knowing that such is not the case, that is a course of action I will not be taking again. Had I not presented such an opening in the first place, there would have been nothing for you to exploit. Therefore the only thing appropriate for me to say in this situation is touché," he explained calmly.
He couldn't deny that he was at fault to some degree, it would be a matter of being dishonest with himself. However he didn't necessarily have to admit to such a fact either. The only reason he had done so right now was to try and make an effort to put an end to this current line of discussion. Pride was never a strong point of his anyway.
More silence around the room. A longer stretch of silence than what he'd been met with previously. Perhaps it was safe to assume the discussion was now over, and he could return his attention not only to the front door, but also the territory surrounding the library.
"Now wait just a second here!"
This time it was Pinkie Pie that spoke up and brought his attention back to them. The way things were proceeding currently, this could be a very long conversation that was being had.
"If you don't think we're gonna use poison joke on you on purpose, then why'd you even mention it in the first place? What was the point of all that?" she asked him.
It was a fair question to ask, all things considered. She did raise a good point. Why bother bringing up the possibility of poisoning, only to inform them that he didn't believe they would stoop to such a tactic?
"Merely to serve as motivation to not try such, even if at some point down the line it may seem like a valid notion," he explained. He felt the urge to go further in his explanation, to point out that such a tactic hardly matched up with all the explanations and definitions of friendship. However he knew that such would be redundant at this point in time, and thus saw no reason to truly do such.
"You jerk," Reainbow Dash growled in response to his statement and banged her hoof on the table, clearly dissatisfied with him. "And to think I was willing to see about getting you a nice big juicy piece of meat..."
There was a snickering that followed Rainbow Dash's statement, followed by a crashing noise, and intense, riotous laughter immediately after. All eyes turned to see the source of the commotion, and found Spike to be rolling about on the floor after having fallen out of his chair, laughing uncontrollably as he gripped his stomach and sides.
"Okay I'm lost, what's so funny?" Rainbow Dash asked, utterly lost by this sudden change of events.
"Yeah Spike, if there's something so funny that you fell out of your chair, then you should share it with your friends, they might wanna laugh too," Pinkie pointed out. Not that it did much good though.
Twilight didn't share the same interest in Spike's current laughing fit as her friends. While they might be in the dark about what was going on, she at the very least had an idea on what her little dragon was laughing at. And it was anything but polite in nature. She wanted to scold him at least a little for his crudeness, but at the same time she knew that it really wasn't his fault. Ulquiorra had presented the setup to them for consideration, and Rainbow Dash had unknowingly contributed with a line that could so easily be misconstrued as something else. If she got upset with him, then she'd have to get upset at both Rainbow Dash and Pinkie for that belching contest last month; which would involve being upset at herself, as she had allowed herself to get drawn into it and actually participate. It'd been rude, crude, obnoxious, and burnt her nostrils when she'd choked, but she'd participated regardless. She really couldn't go acting all high and mighty on this.
So instead of doing anything hypocritical, she simply levitated Spike off the ground, dusted him off, and righted his chair before sitting him back down again.
"I fail to see the humor of the situation," Ulquiorra commented dryly.
"Yer not the only one," Applejack replied before she turned her head back to face Spike again. "Wha's so funny anyway Spike?"
Twilight tried not to frown at the way things were progressing. Spike's riotous behavior was going to make it incredibly difficult to exercise any measure of decorum with these proceedings. Everyone was becoming very interested in what Spike had been laughing at, meaning they were looking for an explanation. Unfortunately an explanation was going to mean everyone finding out about Ulquiorra's theory, and embarrassing Rainbow Dash at the same time. She'd hoped that she could explain the situation in private to her flying friend, but even if she found a way to excuse herself and lure Rainbow Dash to a more private setting, that would leave Spike unsupervised, and he might think nothing of making a crude revelation. She was, regrettably, going to need to do something to prevent that... or at least mitigate the damage somehow.
"Earlier in the day Ulquiorra pointed out several specific instances he noticed that, when viewed in a certain context, would suggest there's a certain carnal desire in effect that may lead to-"
"Egghead, just spit it out already," Rainbow Dash interrupted, not having the patience to listen as her friend worked up to whatever she was trying to say. "What's wrong with simple, easy to understand terms that everypony can understand?" she asked.
Now Twilight was getting mad. She was trying to explain the situation cautiously, delicately, and with as much tact as possible when considering just what was being discussed. But Rainbow Dash apparently didn't have enough patience for that approach, nor appreciation for the fact that she was trying not to embarrass her. But apparently she wasn't in the mood to appreciate the gravity of the situation.
Well if that was the case, then there was nothing she could do but give Rainbow Dash exactly what she wanted, and let her deal with the consequences for herself. That thought almost made her grin wickedly.
"Alright then, Rainbow Dash," she replied. Rainbow Dash wanted simple, easy to understand terms? Then she was going to get them. "It would seem that you've given Ulquiorra the impression that you want him to bend you over, and rut you until you can't even stand up."
Spike, who had been calming down from his laughing fit at this point, had stared in utter disbelief at Twilight's words and the bluntness of them, before immediately starting to laugh all over again. The others had settled in simply staring in shocked disbelief, except for Rainbow Dash, who nearly choked as a result.
"W-what!?" she croaked loudly. Was this Twilight's idea of a practical joke? Was she trying to prove that she could keep pace with both her and Pinkie? It had to be something like that, Twilight would never say something like that normally. "What the... h-how... who the... but I... and they... what in..." she stuttered incoherently in response, her attempts at communication intermixed with random sputtering from disbelief. Finally, and with much effort, she managed to construct a coherent response. "Where'd he get such a dumb idea in the first place!?"
"I believe the slang term "wingboner" was used to describe part of the relevant behavior of this case," Ulquiorra replied simply. He truly hadn't expected this development to occur, but now that it had, he was mildly curious to see where this would lead. But so far it was doing nothing but causing a notable blush to develop and bleed through the cyan mare's coat.
"W-wingboners?" Rainbow Dash asked in disbelief. Where'd he learn that term? Who'd he been talking to? No, seriously, who had he been talking to? Who had been talking to him? How did something like that even come up in a conversation? And how would it come up in a conversation that he'd take part in?
Off to the side she suddenly heard some dainty laugh taking place, and spun her head around to glare at Rarity as she hid her mouth behind her hoof. As if that was actually fooling anyone. "And just what's so funny?" she demanded to know.
"Nothing at all, darling, I assure you. I'm being quite serious about this new development," Rarity said as she cleared her throat and attempted to calm her friend down. "I'm just wondering if my services will be needed in the near future, that's all."
"Say what?" Rainbow Dash asked, instantly going from annoyed to outright confused by that statement.
"Well if your interest in Ulquiorra is really that strong, I would hope you would go out on at least one date beforehoof," Rarity explained as she did her best to be serious. "So tell me, darling, could I interest you in a nice dress for your big night? Perhaps a nice black silk number to contrast with his standard clothing? Or do you favor plain white with black edging?"
Rainbow Dash didn't know what came first; her surprised sputtering at what Rarity was suggesting, or the riotous laughter from her friends around her at what the fashionista was saying. She was quickly moving away from confusion, and back towards anger once again from the teasing she was on the receiving end of.
She quickly took a headcount of what was going on around her. Over by the door Ulquiorra was standing as stone faced as ever, not showing any sort of reaction from what had been said. That nearly scared her worse than if he had reacted, as that blank slate expression made it impossible to determine what was really going on inside his head. Was he upset? Was he embarrassed? Was he actually liking the idea?
Next up was Twilight herself. She looked somewhat amused, but not nearly as much as the others. Was this payback for interrupting her explanation of the situation? Then again she didn't look like she was having the most fun here, so she didn't know what to make of it.
And then there was Fluttershy. Out of those assembled at the table, she seemed the least amused. If anything she looked uncomfortable and even embarrassed. At least there was that. At least one of her friends had some decency to her. She couldn't say the same for Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie, or even Spike. They were having way too much fun with this at her expense.
And then, like a buck to the face, a thought came to her. It wasn't exactly the nicest of thoughts to ever cross her mind, that much was certain. But right now she wasn't feeling all that nice, so she was willing to work with it.
"Alright you ponies, laugh it up," she chided them, before turning her attention back to the giggling Rarity. "Crack whatever jokes you want. At least I'm not the one who decided to make him new clothes to wear." That got Rarity's attention. Perfect. "I bet you had a lot of fun using that measuring tape on him, huh? How close did you have to get for those measurements? Did you take them with his jacket on? Or did you make him take it off so you could get a better look at his physique first? How much ogling went on during that time, under the guise of genuine research?"
Now it was Rainbow Dash's turn to smirk as Rarity's demeanor changed from amused to embarrassed, the coat around her cheeks staining a nice, vibrant pink from the blush underneath her fur. Off to the side she noticed as Spike's own laughing came to a halt as well. Two for the price of one, and now onto the next one as the fashionista attempted to protest. Applejack would be next.
"And at least I never planned on putting him to use in order to get my chores done," she stated, bringing the farmpony back into the realm of seriousness. "So what was it behind your motivation, AJ? Was it the idea of him being able to buck trees at the speed of his sonido that got you excited? Or the possibility of him getting all hot and sweaty in the afternoon sun? What, some farmer's thing about manual labor and such? What other kind of physical activities did you have planned for him?"
"W-what in tarnation!?" Applejack choked in protest as her cheeks nearly turned as red as her own cutie marks. What was that featherbrained pegasus even talking about? Off to the left of the table the only one left laughing was Pinkie. And the fact that she was laughing at their own flustered status was quickly becoming annoying. Now she had an idea of what Rainbow Dash had felt like just a minute ago.
Rainbow Dash smirked as she turned her attention to the last one laughing at the table, ready to let her have it as well. But then she stopped in her proverbial tracks. She was coming up blank on just what she could bring up, that could possibly have such connotations that would indicate physical attraction between her and the Espada. Darn it!
"Uh... somepony help me out here?" she asked.
"Pajamas?" Spike offered up without even thinking about it. That was an unfortunate side effect of being tasked with assisting others; sometimes you wound up speaking up when you should've just kept quiet.
Rainbow Dash thought for a second about what Spike had said, before remembering what he was talking about. Now that was some good material to work with,
"Right. Seriously Pinkie, you stuck the dude and yourself in pajamas without any hesitation," she pointed out, immediately bringing an end to the pink pony's laughter. "Pajamas. Maybe you were trying to tell us something back there? Maybe hinting at a little wish fulfillment perhaps?" she asked, watching with interest as Pinkie squirmed in discomfort at what was being suggested. And then she decided to go a bit further. "Maybe Pinkie could use your services more than I could, Rarity..."
Twilight would admit that she hadn't seen this development coming. She hadn't expected nearly this much humor to come about from her bluntness. But at the same time she was glad this was the way things unfolded, as it meant a lot less drama and difficulty would be experienced, from the notion of cross-species physical romance. As long as they could all trade laughs, things could be kept running smoothly.
That is, so long as nopony started getting cruel. Intervention might become necessary if Rainbow Dash started to really push the envelope here. Turnabout was fair play and all, but everything had its limits.
"Alright then, we've all had a chance for a good laugh. And I think we can all agree that, under the right circumstances, and in the right context, we've all done some things that could easily be misconstrued as something that they're not," she stated, making an effort to prevent things from turning ugly.
"And what did you do?" Rainbow Dash asked as she turned her attention toward her. She'd only been interested in making herself not be the center of attention in this particular case, and had gone about doing such by embarrassing the others in the same manner she'd been. But at hearing Twilight's words, she now became very curious. And at seeing her now flustered nature, she was getting even more curious.
"Me?" Twilight asked as she blinked. This certainly hadn't gone like she'd intended. But... there really wasn't any harm in sharing, was there? It's not like there was anything inherently wrong with it. And after everything that'd been said about their behavior, hers might pale in comparison. "Well on the first night we met, we were studying in the library and I sort of... fell asleep leaning against him..." she admitted sheepishly.
Rainbow Dash's response was to snort and snicker at her confession, obviously amused by what she had to say. Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy were neutral in appearance, and didn't do anything to suggest to her that they were taking any amusement from her story. However when it came to Pinkie she looked... confused. Confused and tilting her head to the side, much like a dog would do.
"What's so bad about that?" she asked, not getting it at all. "When I get tired I can sleep just about anywhere. There've been times I've fallen asleep standing up and in mid-sentence. Sorry, Twilight, I'm just not seeing it."
"I have to agree with Pinkie on this one, darling, we all know how devoted you can be to your studies. You falling asleep against something conveniently located is... more to be expected than seen as a source of amusement," Rarity replied.
At seeing their subdued reactions to her tale, Twilight didn't know whether she should feel relieved, or embarrassed. She'd thought that it was a pretty good story for comparison purposes, and she'd expected at least a little teasing to be had. But at the same time she was glad nopony had made an issue of it.
"I guess you're right. It's not like any of us have actually done anything questionable in nature," she agreed as she allowed her body to visibly relax.
"Maybe not, but I still feel weird for actually making somepony think I was interested in doing something like that," Rainbow Dash said as she turned her attention to Ulquiorra. "No offense, dude, you're awesome and all in what you can do, but I just don't go that way. The whole interspecies thing is just..." she paused as she tried to find the right word to describe the situation. Ultimately she couldn't do that, and rather than ask Twilight or Rarity for the appropriate phrase, she just continued on without it. "Earth ponies and unicorns, there's no issue there. The three pony tribes have been united for so long, nopony would even think twice. Zebras, still no issue, they're still equines and all. Gryphons... that's where it starts getting a little tricky. At least for me anyway. I was friends with Gilda and all, sure, but... ugh, I should've just kept my big mouth shut..."
"It's alright, Rainbow Dash, I think everyone gets the point you're trying to make," Twilight told her. She wasn't entirely sure about the others, but at least she had an idea of what her friend was saying. "But there's really nothing wrong with interspecies relationships, history is full of them. But those tend to involve members of species we've had long, long periods of interaction with; species that have been fully integrated and normalized into our society. Species that we've grown up with, and come to know about as well as we know ourselves."
"Geez, Egghead, way to beat a concept right into the ground like a tent peg. I think we get it already," Rainbow Dash complained. She almost preferred it when Twilight was being blunt and straight to the point, even if what she did have to say could be embarrassing. At least then she didn't feel compelled to keeping hammering it over and over again.
"... I'm a little confused. How exactly did we wind up having this discussion anyway?" Fluttershy asked as she finally spoke up.
"In simple terms, a series of events that involved numerous misunderstandings, including aspects of the carnivorous lifestyle, poison joke affliction, and certain displays and statements that could be misconstrued as signs of physical attraction," Ulquiorra replied. He'd been listening silently to the banter going about around the table, as the ponies attempted to embarrass one another by pointing out various behaviors on each of their parts, and how they could easily be interpreted as something that they weren't intended as. None of it truly held any relevance to him. The only reason he'd spoken up in the first place had been to cut through the foolishness in an effective manner.
At least this misunderstanding was now behind them. It would be one less thing he had to concern himself with. Although it was a little curious how his species was seen as important, but his ghostly status wasn't. Perhaps the concept of necrophilia was treated differently in this world.
"Okay, I guess that makes sense. But I still don't understand what got Spike laughing. I didn't say anything that funny, did I?" Rainbow Dash asked.
Twilight knew that if the situation was explained from their perspective, Spike was going to start laughing again. So she decided it would be best to cut the little dragon off at the pass. Her bluntness last time hadn't yielded any significantly negative results, so maybe a second time wouldn't do any worse. It'd probably go over better than what she'd been saying just a minute ago. Maybe she just should've gone with "there's nothing wrong with ponies boning gryphons, or vice versa" or something like that. Oh well, that was neither here nor there. Right now she had something else to tend to.
"Well when looked at in the right context, what you said to Ulquiorra earlier in the conversation, about meat, could be construed as having a significantly perverted meaning to it. Something that isn't exactly discussed in polite company," Twilight explained, doing her best to keep her tone even and civil, rather than betraying her own amusement.
Alright so that wasn't exactly the most blunt of deliveries that could be given. She needed to give at least some consideration to the others present; or at least Rarity and Fluttershy. Spike might be a lost cause at this point, considering what he seemed to know despite his young age.
Rainbow Dash was silent, her confusion only growing, as she tried racking her brain in an effort to get what Twilight was saying. What had she said that could possibly be misconstrued and made into something perverted? All she could remember saying was... was...
She didn't even need a mirror at this point, she could feel her face contort in surprise as the realization suddenly came up and smacked her in the face full force. And once she realization was made, she couldn't help but vocally groan at her own stupidity, and lack of critical thinking. "Oh fuck me..."
"I believe you already explained that you weren't interested in such an endeavor," Ulquiorra replied dryly. However he stopped short of asking her what had changed her mind, as he truly wasn't interested one way or the other.
Immediately Spike started laughing all over again. Or at least he would've been, if he wasn't using both of his hands to desperately keep his mouth clamped shut. And was currently losing the struggle.
"What?" Rainbow Dash asked, both confused and annoyed now.
"You're really not helping yourself with stuff like that, Rainbow Dash," Twilight pointed out, doing a better job of keeping her amusement to herself at that point. But just barely.
"Wait, what?" Rainbow Dash asked. She was beginning to get very, very frustrated at what felt like being on the edge of an inside joke, and constantly delivering the punchline without even realizing it. Everypony was having a laugh at her expense. "Are you saying... wait, that's what that means!?" she asked, taken by surprise at what was being suggested.
"It's an amazingly versatile and flexible word," Twilight said simply and shrugged in response. And it really was amazing. She remembered her conversation with Ulquiorra when he'd agreed to teach her some of the words that were native to his own world. And when that word in particular had come up, it had been difficult to get a proper grasp on the proper context, when it had such a simple meaning. Why exactly did a word that basically meant fornication, get used not only as a noun, but also as a verb, a adjective, and an adverb? It violated all the basic rules of grammar.
And yet despite that fact, she had found that it seemed so, so appropriate to use in a number of circumstances.
"Well then," Rarity said slowly, "if Ulquiorra's dialect is going to be integrated into our own, due to continued interaction on all of our parts, perhaps it would be best to learn the full meaning of it. After all, a lady doesn't go about hurling profanities at the drop of a hat, even if she has no idea what they mean."
Across the table Rainbow Dash just groaned and rested her head on the smooth wood. Why couldn't Twilight have told her about all this beforehoof? Why did she have to wait until now, after she'd embarrassed herself, to let her know what she was saying? Worse than that, why did she have to wait until after she'd practically cursed out Princess Celestia!?
"Note to self. Don't be saying any of these words around Scoots, or the other Crusaders," she told herself. The last thing she wanted to do was teach those fillies dirty words and get in trouble for it. She could get herself in trouble just fine without the help of others. And she really didn't need to be blamed with corrupting the youth of Ponyville, by teaching them fancy foreign profanities and expletives.
That was all the more reason to agree with Rarity. If Twilight would teach them what she had learned from the Espada, then they could avoid any similar unpleasant situations in the future.
Ulquiorra simply continued his silence. None of this held any relevance to him. And unless there were anymore surprise developments, he could go back to performing his duties in an undisturbed manner. Was that really too much to ask for?