//------------------------------// // A Perfectly Normal Day // Story: The Misadventures of Osaka Jones // by RabidTonberry //------------------------------// It was a perfectly normal day to the citizens of Ponyville. The sun was shining The birds were singing A gentle calming breeze wafted through the town. Also there was a flaming ball of fire falling towards the ground near the outskirts of town. And as the citizens of Ponyville watched six mares run towards the outskirts, they all agreed it was a perfectly normal day. “Ow my head, what did I drink last night? …….why the hell is my room so bright?” Slowly opening my eyes I realized that I was currently lying down on my back in what looked like a crater, with what appeared to be six small ponies staring down at me. I closed my eyes and sighed. “God Dammit, looks like I've wandered onto someone’s farm…again.” “Excuse me sir are you okay?” a voice called out. With another sigh I sat up and reopened my eyes, but just before I could reply to the voice I noticed something. There was no one around, well except for the ponies still staring at me. Also I’m no animal expert but I’m pretty sure ponies don’t come in bright pastel colors. There was a purple one, an orange one, a pink one, a white one, a yellow one, and a blue one. “Umm who said that?” I finally stuttered out. “I did” said the purple colored pony raising one of her hoofs and waving it. “Wait a minute…does…does she have a horn? Also how does one wave a hoof? Hold on why does the fact that she has a horn and waving a hoof freak me out more than the fact that she’s a talking purple pony? Also how do I know she’s female?.........Shut up BRAIN!” “Are you alright?” she called out again, snapping me out of my daze. “Well….umm….besides the purple pony that’s talking to me, I think I’m okay…although I’m beginning to think someone slipped me something at the bar last night.” I replied with a nervous chuckle. “Come again, Sugarcube?” said the orange pony. “Well I mean talking ponies wouldn’t be the worse trip I’ve ever been on…but it’s still pretty weird. Makes me wonder if my subconscious is trying to tell me something, but I digress do you hallucinations know where the nearest bus stop is? I much rather be imagining this in my bed then in an open field.” I bluntly replied. “Uhh Twi, I think we might want to get a doctor to look at him. He might have hit his head after that crash landing from that stunt he was trying to pull off.” said the blue pony. “Stunt?” “Oh yeah that stunt was awesome by the way, you know besides the whole crash landing thing.” The blue pony said as she floated down to the crater and stood before me. Now that she was closer I noticed that her coat was more of a sky blue color, she also had a rainbow colored mane, and magenta colored eyes. Also I finally noticed that she had wings. “Well…that’s different…” “How did you pull off that fire ball thing anyway? I’ve never seen anypony pull that off before! Also you don’t even have any scorch marks on your coat how’d you do that? We have got to go flying together sometime so we can trade stunts.” continued the sky blue pony eagerly. “Wait fly? I can’t fly…” “Hi I’m Pinkie Pie!” “Gahh!” I screamed at the pink pony that suddenly appeared next to me. I turned to the blue one and was about to ask her how the pink one appeared so fast, but she just shrugged her shoulders and mouthed “Don’t ask “at me. “So what’s your name, because I know I don’t know you? Because I know every pony in Ponyville and I’ve never seen you before and if I’ve never seen you before that mean we’re not friends. Which we can’t have because I’m friends with everypony in Ponyville, but once we become friends I can throw you a super duper welcome to Ponyville party then you can become friends with everypony in Ponyville. Then you’ll have lots and lots of friends!” the pink one called Pinkie Pie explained with a silly grin plastered on her face as she inched closer and closer to my own. Till our faces touched with me staring into her blue eyes while she stared at my green ones. “Umm can you back off a bit, you’re a bit too close for comfort.” I said after a minute into our intense stare off. “Okie Dokie Lokie!” she said scooting back a bit. “Well anyway it’s nice to meet you Pinkie Pie my name is Osaka Jones, and can we hold off on that party for a bit?” Pinkie Pie nodded her head causing her curly pink mane to bounce around a bit. I turned my attention back to the sky blue pony. “Now as I was saying…” “Rainbow Dash” she said striking a pose. “Rainbow Dash? Hmm cool name. Well anyway as I was trying to say earlier. I can’t fly.” Her ears went flat against her head. She looked down as one of her hooves pawed at the ground. “Oh, I’m sorry I just assumed you know…I’m currently taking care of this little Pegasus filly who can’t fly either. Maybe you could talk to her sometime and tell her how you cope… “ “Wait no no, uhh I can’t fly because I am a human. Humans can’t fly.” “What’s a human?” she asked arching one of her eyebrows in confusion. “I’m a human. You know walks on two legs, have hands, generally mostly hairless, and descended from apes?” Her look of confusion slowly turned to that of concern after I finished my little statement. Her gaze went to the Purple Unicorn and I followed it, seeing the same look on her face as well. I then glanced at the other surrounding ponies and I saw the same concern on their faces. Rainbow poked me with her hoof bringing my attention back to her. “Uh dude I know what an ape is supposed to look like and you are definitely not an ape.” “Well yea we don’t look like apes. It’s just down the line a few thousand millenniums ago…” “You’re a pony Osaka” “Wait, what?” I said leaning forward a bit. “A Pegasus pony if you want to be technical.” She pointed a hoof at my side. “Oh come on, I know I’m not the most observant person in the world but I think I would notice if I was a…” “Oh Shit…” Looking down I noticed for the first time that instead of wearing the usual jeans and T-shirts that I normally pass out in. I was currently covered in what looked like dark orange fur, instead of my hands and feet I had hooves, and looking at my sides where Rainbow was pointing I noticed that I had wings as well. “I don’t suppose somepony has a mirror?” I mumbled out staring down at my body. “Oh certainly darling, I have one right here.” I looked up and saw a mirror in a faint blue aura floating in front of me. A quick glance at the surrounding ponies told me that the white pony with the purple mane and a horn on her head as well was the one levitating it. “Heh, magic that’s cool” Looking into the mirror I saw that my face was no longer my face. I still had my green eyes but everything else was horse like, or pony like to be more accurate. My hair/mane was still brown but brown that slowly faded into purple at the top. Looking behind me I noticed that my tail followed the same pattern. While I mindlessly stared at myself in the mirror I slowly felt myself being lifted up. The mirror got pulled away and I found myself in front of the Purple Pony with her horn aglow. She put me down and I got a closer look at her. She had a darker purple mane with a single pink stripe going through it, the same went for her tail; she also had wings, and purple eyes. “Hello my name is Princess Twilight Sparkle. It’s a pleasure to meet you Osaka Jones.” She smiled. “You’ve already met Rainbow and Pinkie.” She continued. “This is Apple Jack” she gestured to the orange pony. That now that I had a closer look is more of a lighter orange color and had a blonde mane, with a cowboy hat on top of it. “This one over here is Rarity” she said pointing at the white unicorn with the purple mane. “And this one over here is Fluttershy.” She said walking towards the yellow pony, which’s more of a light yellow, and also had wings as well I noticed. I glanced at her eyes and she let out a little squeak and hid behind her pink mane. “She’s shy if you didn’t guess” she giggled. “Umm, nice to meet you all” I said glancing around, not really sure what to do or say. “Why don’t you follow us to my library, and we will call a doctor to come and check you out.” she said with a soft smile. “Okay that sounds like a good idea.” I replied as they all turned around and started to head towards a small town in the distance. I slowly started to follow them, finding it easy to walk on four legs in the process. I closed my eyes for a sec, and let my mind wander. “Well this is weird, I wonder if I drank some Absinthe last night? No, that wouldn’t bring on a hallucination like this…if any. Maybe someone did slip something in my drink last night and I’m currently just wandering around in the woods in a stupor, or I could just be dreaming. I hope it’s that, worst case scenario I’m currently in a coma at the hospital…” “Oh hey, you can fly!” a shrill voice called out in excitement. I opened my eyes and saw Rainbow Dash hovering a few inches in front of me. She had a gleeful expression plastered on her face, and she had one of her hooves pointed at my sides again. I glanced behind me and saw my wings beating a slow rhythm. A quick look down explained her delightful smile. I was currently hovering a few inches above the ground. Without me even knowing it, I had been flying this whole time. I let out a deep sigh, “This just keeps getting weirder and weirder. I hope I wake up or snap out of it soon, I don’t know how much more I can take before I start to freak out.” I mumbled under my breath. “Hey are you alright?” Rainbow asked as she repositioned herself so she was right next to me. “Maybe, I guess. I’m kind of just going with the flow; just waiting to see where this all goes. There’s really no need to freak out about all this at this point at least until I figure out what’s going on, and who knows maybe I’ll wake up soon. All I really know is that I could really go for a drink right about now.” “I know what you mean some nice cold cider does sound good right about now.” She said choosing to ignore my whole I’m just dreaming statement. “Cider?” “Mmhm” “As in Hard Cider?” “Yup, AJ over there makes the best Cider in Equestria.” “You guys got anything stronger than that?” “Well there’s wine, but I’m not much of a wine pony.” “What about vodka?” “Never heard of it” “Rum?” “Hmm, nope” she shook her head. “Scotch?” “Like butterscotch?” she raised an eyebrow. “Whiskey?” I asked almost pleading. “Whisk what?” I could feel one of my eyes starting to twitch. I fixed my gaze onto the orange pony with the cowboy hat, the one they called Applejack. I flew my way over to her leaving a confused looking Rainbow Dash behind. “Hey I don’t mean to presume at all, but do you work on a farm?” I asked landing next to her and matching her pace. “Darn Tootin I do! Me and my Kin, run Sweet Apple Acres. We grow some of the best apples in all of…” “Yeah yea, that’s nice. Do you know what Whiskey is?” She stopped and raised one of her hooves to her chin as if in deep thought. “Can’t say that I do sugarcube, is that a new type of apple?” “What about bourbon?’ I started to silently pray to whatever god that would listen, pleading that they just called whiskey, bourbon here. “Sorry OJ” None of the Citizens of Ponyville paid any attention to the blood curdling scream that came from the outskirts of town. After all it was just a normal day to them.