//------------------------------// // Introductions are in Order [Rewritten] // Story: Silas Epista // by Maneiac //------------------------------// STABBED THROUGH THE HEART, AND THEN YOUR BRAIN~! Yeah, 'hope your blood... doesn't stain~! “Silas Epista, you say,” the unicorn now known to be Sunset Shimmer stated with a smile, sitting in front of me as I stared at her from my position against the tree. “And you’re also an alien no less! Why, this is exciting to say the least; if only you knew how much I’ve longed for this moment,” Sunset enthused happily, showcasing a little bit of teeth in her grin. “I think I can make a ballpark guess, ma’am,” I pointed at her with a raised eyebrow, a question coming to mind pretty quickly. “You’re uh... you kind of smell like mangos and strawberries. Do uh... do you use a shampoo with that scent or something, because that shouldn’t be naturally possible.” Sunset raised her eyebrow at me, bringing her mane around to sniff at it. “No... I don’t. Are you sure I’m the one who smells like that?” She began an impromptu turn around session, sniffing at every inch of her body accept her butt, because she was a mare of tact apparently. That, or it was just ‘weird’ to sniff your ass in her culture. “We are in a forest; a forest that could possibly house wild strawberries within, but definitely not mangos! Where the hell is it coming from!?” I pulled at my collar, my mind feeling a little hazed from the smell as I scanned the surroundings. Left was first as I took a couple of hard sniffs; the smell of mangos and strawberries fading greatly as I did so. The same thing happened when I sniffed to the right and behind me as well. Lifting my arm, I smelled my pits. There was no rank smell like I had been expecting from a body that spent well over eight-hundred years in stasis, and definitely no mangos or strawberries. Not satisfied with my negative results in detecting the source of the smell, I turned my attention back to Sunset Shimmer. “I swear on my life that it’s coming from you, Ms. Shimmer. I don’t know what it could be, but it’s starting to mess with my head a little bit.” I crossed my arms again and eyed her suspiciously, something she took as an insult; given the way she was now frowning at me. “But I can’t think of anything that... could...” Her face slowly contorted into one of horror, her eyes becoming distant at the same time as well. Almost making me jump, Sunset Shimmer snapped her eyes back down to reality and glared at me. “You... you must not speak of this smell in public, do you understand,” She roared with a massive blush on her face. Even though she was trying to appear very angry at me, I knew there was more to her sudden outburst than what she was letting on. Regardless, I waved it off and nodded. “Yeah, I hear you loud an’ clear, Ms. Shimmer. Though the notion of being angry at the smell of strawberries and mangos is lost on me forevermore, if it truly upsets you; I don’t see the harm in dropping it in public. But rest assured,” I stopped leaning back on the tree and dropped down to a squatting position, almost coming down to eye level with her. “I will find the source one day, because quite frankly, it’s a smell that’s beginning to grow on me.” Her mouth dropped as the blush on her face skyrocketed to such extremes, that I thought my face was going to be hit with a wave of flame from her throat. Words sputtered out from her jaw in cracked up patterns like water from a dinky faucet, completely barren of all comprehension as she just sat there. “Bu... You don’t... EYAAAAHHH!” I was blasted in the nose by a gold hoof, giving a startled yelp of pain as I was put on my ass by the blow. “You barbarian! Have you no tact!? The nerve! Just who do you think you are, saying such rude things to a refined lady such as myself,” She barked, making me glare at her for hitting me. “The hell you sock me for, you walking mustard bottle!? Being punched in the face isn’t enjoyable, you know,” I snapped, grinding my teeth together to fight back the stinging inside my nose. “Well, it’s not worse than accusing a lady of carrying an aroma about her that you find enjoyable! That’s simply crass and tactless,” She pointed the same hoof she used to clock me at my face, the blush receding somewhat. “If you plan on entering the society of us Equisians, you will need to be coached accordingly on the mannerisms of not only ponies, but minotaurs as well! I’m not going to sit here and let such... lechery be introduced into our homes and residential areas, Mr. Silas; not if I can help it!” Sunset slammed that hoof down, kicking up a little bit of smoke as she smiled at me smugly. Dropping both my claws away from my injured nose, I got up and dusted myself off away from her direction; even though my mind screamed at me to do it towards her as payback. “Listen, Sunset; can I call you Sunset,” I asked with fake sincerity. “Well I don’t see why no-” “Good,” I interrupted, stretching out an arm and dusting it off with the opposite claw, bringing my full attention to removing any speck of dirt from my jacket. “Listen, Sunset; most women from my world would have taken that as a compliment, being told they smell of fruit, which is normally appealing and attractive. If what I consider to be honest-to-good compliments are seen as boorish and unruly on Equis, then yes; I am going to have a bad time. That being said, I wholeheartedly welcome the notion of taking you on as my personal guide to Equisian Etiquette.” “Well that’s all fine and good,” Sunset spoke up, a little bit of irritation from being cut off earlier prevalent within her words. “But did you really see a need to interr-” “And another thing, if I may be so bold.” Of course I knew my second interruption was pushing the limits of her patience towards me, but the gag was just left sitting there! It would’ve been rude not to take it! “Please understand that I have absolutely no clue on how to conduct myself around your kind. There’s no comprehension on proper speech etiquette and the like, which means I could’ve offended you right when I interrupted you and would never know unless you told me.” I laid it on thick, shrugging my shoulders and staring at her with all the innocence of a choir boy. Sunset was now engaged in internal warfare. Her eyes were narrowed into an angry glare, but her mouth was turned up into a friendly smile. “No... no... it’s fine,” She said shakily. “Just keep in mind that Equisians don’t like to be interrupted, alright!?” Her eyes softened up, almost begging for me to egg her on again, but I held back on the account that she was looking at me like a seriously psychotic pedophile would an unwatched orphanage. Gulping at the cracked-up expression upon her face, I held my hands up in a placating manner and nodded. The ball was still in my court in terms of freedom from blame, and I plan to milk it for all its worth in due time. Preferably, when amidst an obscenely large amount of people. I can only imagine how fucking embarrassed Sunset Shimmer would be! “Well if that’s squared away,” Sunset spoke calmly, “I can assume now that you’re not dangerous, as you are sapient and just a little misguided on how to conduct yourself. Which means...” Sunset trailed off as she turned around. My nose was instantaneously assaulted with the force of a million mangos and strawberries, causing me to sneeze and stumbles backwards while slapping a claw over my nose to protect it from the stench. “Ja~ck! Ja~ck! It’s okay, he’s not a predator; just a blundering idiot,” Sunset called out, facing where the mini minotaur had run off to. I sent a glare to the back of her head, praying that Draconians had heat vision like Superman minutely. I was ultimately disappointed when nothing happened after two seconds of intense glaring, but at least this body isn’t overkill; that could make any future engagements unbearably boring.  The sound of tiny hooves- well tinier hooves -slapped upon the ground as the boy from earlier came out of the shrubs. He ran as fast as cloven-hooved bipedal children could, right until he could get underneath Sunset’s legs and cower behind them while looking up at me. I gave him a wide smile, showcasing all my teeth. “Heh, he looks so squishy,” I mewed as Sunset turned around to glare at me; moving her foreleg back to distance Jack from me. This caused me to look at her with short frown. “I’m just a blundering idiot, remember!? Just what the hell do you want me to do, Sunset!? I can’t smile; I can’t compliment people without causing some sort of offense... I might as well leave!” I tossed my claws up in pseudo-frustration, then crossed them as I closed my eyes in mock offense. I heard a short sigh of exasperation not a second later. “... I’m sorry for that. You scared him, and I thought you were being a jerk.” Sunset sounded really sorry for her actions, making me crack open an eye and look down at her. It took everything I had not to laugh out loud, and I’m pretty sure Jack saw my struggle because he was glaring at me now. “Apology accepted, Sunset. You don’t have to lower your head when apologizing; it’s not like I’m royalty or anything. Even then, I don’t really believe in titles and whatnot, since ‘higher powers’ are just like us anyway.” On the inside, I was fucking losing it. I knew this assholery could not go on forever without my intentions being let out. Sunset gave a breath of relief before smiling at me again. “I’m glad! It was never my intention to offend you, as I’m sure it wasn’t yours to offend us!” “Keep telling yourself that, you Heinz mascot.” Smiling at my thought, I looked up at the branch where Altaria was happily preening herself. I gave a short whistle to grab her attention, making the massive blackbird stop mid-peck and look at me with a tilted head. “Get on my shoulder, we’re going back to the ship,” I ordered, seeing this train of fun in regards to messing with Sunset running out of coal. Altaria shrugged her shoulders again before swooping down to my left shoulder, which has obviously become her new ‘spot’ when traveling with me. A sharp gasp made me halt in walking back into the woods. “That... that bird! It’s a Bullivian Gigantacles! It’s... it’s one of the rarest birds on Bullivian soil! How did you tame one so quickly!?” Sunset’s voice was the definition of awe as I heard a jingle and pop, like the one Luna had done when entering and exiting my Station.  Piecing two and two together was not difficult; she had teleported. And as if on cue, she reappeared in front of me with a light-blue pop of magic. “She’s not going to leave me alone until I answer, right?” “And I’m not going to move unless you answer me right now,” Sunset finished with a cocky grin. Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms. “I tamed her by-” My head jostled to the right as pain arched through my left cheek, a fierce squawk of irritation revealing the culprit behind my new pain. Grunting in annoyance, I glared at Altaria; an action she returned all too happily. “I befriended her by coincidence. She just flew onto a tree next to my ship, I saw her and interacted; whip, bang, boom, hamburger time.” I shrugged my shoulders and walked past Sunset Shimmer, heading into the forest without a care for how she took my half-assed story. “W-wait! Jack, go back to Stonehaven for me. Quick! Hold on a blasted second, Silas!” The sound of a speedwalk made me roll my eyes as I stopped, Altaria offering her condolences by patting my shoulder with a talon. Don’t ask me how that’s possible, she just did it. Once again, this world is something else. Those hurrying hooves of haste stilled themselves when Sunset finally caught up, walking to my left as I continued my way back to Judgement. “You said ‘the ship’, meaning there’s an actual spaceship around here! I want to see it!” Her voice took on the excited one she had when first meeting me’ a clear sign that she’s let all I did so far go. “Yeah, there is. It’s called Judgement, and it doubles as my base of operations for the time being,” I explained as I passed through the middle of the ‘X’-shaped trees from earlier. I got somewhat annoyed when Altaria hopped aboard my head to avoid being plastered into the trees, but it blew over when she got off and back on my shoulder. “Oooh, you have to let me see it! Please! I’ll even show you my house once we’re done!” Sunset came up just enough to place her face in my peripheral vision, baiting me in looking out the corner of my eye at her. “As lovely as your house may be, Sunset; I’m afraid there isn’t a pad on this planet that could outshine an alien spaceship. Although, the prospect of being welcomed into the home of one who’s of the other sex; well, that’s a different matter, and one no sane man should turn down if he’s worth his salt!” I gave a brief chuckle as Sunset did a dry spit take, stuttering over her words for a little bit and then deciding to just resign herself to a simple sigh of frustration. “You know I didn’t mean it like that, brute,” Sunset snapped, making me chuckle as the white hull of Judgement came into view for the second time today. “Besides; I’m not the type of mare who operates in such a deplorable manner! I may have an affinity for the exotic, but I safely base that off my ever-expanding curiosity to finding new life out in the stars!” It was now my turn to do a dry spit take. “What d-did you say!? An affinity for the exotic; as in aliens like me!?” Sunset tripped over her hooves and fell onto her face with a startled yell. Apparently, she didn’t realize her mouth betrayed what’s possibly one of her most darkest secrets so early. We both stopped walking and slowly turned our heads to look at each other; our faces making disbelief an insufficient word for description. Something gulped, which I mentally checked to not be me, but Altaria as she flew off. I should have known right then and there that some shit was about to go down, but it wasn’t until I was being held by the neck magically against a tree that the realization sunk in. I had just unearthed a woman’s darkest secret without her permission. “God help my soul!” I thought frantically as Sunset’s blush threatened her face with thermonuclear warfare. “ I demand compensation! You are going to tell me a dark secret of yours or die; the choice is left to you, Silas Epista,” Sunset roared, adding more force to whatever magical band she had around my neck. I gagged audibly, spitting a little bit into the air and wincing when it came back down onto my face. “And it better be equal to mine, or so help me!” “Okay! Okay,” I choked out, my voice scratchy enough to replace the roll of Smeagol from the Lord of the Rings. The pressure eased off, making me inhale greatly. “Commando! I SLEEP IN THE BUFF! THERE, I SAID IT!” There was a pause all throughout the forest, making me shut my eyes and fight against the blush of embarrassment clawing at my face. Sunset raised her eyebrow while looking at me in angry shock, as if asking with her face, “Did you HONESTLY think I would like that!?” My eyeballs nearly popped out from the force she added back on, making me claw at my neck like a cat about to sliding off a counter. Every gag that happened forced gave the band of magic around my neck a little more leeway into my scales; furthering the effects of her stranglehold. “GET SERIOUS! Everyone sleeps in the nude, you ass! A real secret, NOW,” She roared with the force of a volcanic eruption, dropping the pressure again as I wheezed and inhaled deeply. “A secret I would never tell anyone... what could there be!? Wait... “ My mind wandered into dangerous territory. “No! I can’t tell her that! She’ll look at me like I’m some kind of freak! But if I don’t say something potentially life-scaring, my ass is grass!” Sunset grinded her teeth together audibly, the sound of stone scraping against itself reverberating about the brambles and leaves. “ONE!” I went wide eyed. “TWO,” She continued loudly, causing me to cry out for her to stop. “... I’M A FURRY! I HAVE A THING FOR FUR-COVERED PERSONAS THAT ACT LIKE HUMANS! THERE; MY DEEPEST, DARKEST SECRET IS YOURS!” At the end of my shouting match with the heavens, I hung my head in defeat. The blush from before might as well stay as a tattoo, because I fear any sense of normalcy between this mare and I was just shouted away. “... What,” Sunset asked breathlessly. “What are you on about? What the hell’s a ‘human’ and a ‘furry’,” She inquired with genuine confusion as I was dropped from the tree, her hold leaving my neck. I fell onto my knees and coughed a lung up. “You better not be yanking my chain again, Silas! Don’t think you’re too good for that tree!” “Give me... haah... some time... please. Ten seconds... *cough*... at most.” I continued my endeavors in regulating my breathing, inhaling slowly even though it hurt to do so. My chest felt like the aftermath of lying underneath a Bull Parade in a Latin country. And apparently, my would-be murderer was patient as well; granting me what I wanted. Giving one or two more coughs, I prepared myself for the hardest speech I’d have to give probably. “I may look like a dragon. but in reality, I’m a human. This isn’t even my real body. I was taken from my world and placed above this one, on a space station that’s probably decommissioned right now.” “So what you’re saying is that you’re an alien within an alien’s body? How is that even possible?” The sound of shifting body was heard, making me look up at Sunset as she sat down. Once again, I had to use this situation to make an obvious joke. “It’s magic; I ain’t gotta explain shit. Just know that it wasn’t by my han-,” I frowned, “claw that it ended up this way.” “Magic isn’t that complicated; you’re just daft. Double that fact if you think I’m ignorant enough to believe your fantasy story true. What is a human, and what is furry? I don’t believe I asked you about your backstory,” Sunset tilted my head up with hoof, making me look her in the eye. “Of course, I could always go back to being Bad Cop; if that’s what you want~...” “No. Please no. I’d rather have my... you know what, nevermind; that was gonna be  too suggestive. But yeah, you get the picture. Let me get up and I’ll have no problem with telling you the rest of my tale,” I said wearily, using my arms to raise myself- “Sit down.” I felt a feeling of weightlessness before my arms gave out. “I’m not letting you do anything until this is over, Silas. Keep going,” Sunset ordered, making me huff in exasperation. Being reintroduced to the ground didn’t hurt, but it was something I didn’t enjoy to be sure. “Humans are Planet Earth’s prime example of evolutionary success. Many of my kind believe we evolved from primates, other’s believe us to be the works of higher powers. All that is irrelevant, in case that’s information you actually value...,” I trailed off askingly. “So the founding of your race is subjective, big whoop de doo; now where are the good parts? You know, the actual descriptions,” Sunset sassed, making me roll my eyes as I stared up at her. “Being rude will get you nowhere, madame.” “But threat’s of asphyxiation will, I’m afraid,” She returned equally, making me huff again. “We’re basically furless. bipedal monkeys with the average male standing around six feet high. Our skin colors are variants of brown and white. Over the course of cultivation, we’ve covered the entirety of our planet, and are almost always at war with each other. We are a species trapped in the grey area in terms of morality, as everyone always has a different take on what’s evil or good. Religion dictates more things than it should, making small issues bigger based on the beliefs of different cultures...” I paused, looking at Sunset for approval. “And the furries? What of them?” Her face reminded me of a stern librarian, who enjoys slapping a wooden meter stick in front of people’s heads when she comes across them sleeping with their faces down in a book. “It is considered taboo to have relations with animals. However, if it is sapient, and shares the characteristics of homosapiens; then it should be alright. That’s the Harkness Test; developed by a fictitious man from a show about a time traveller. This man; Jack Harkness, laid with a great many aliens in his lifetime; living by what I told you earlier. Furries apply this idiom to fursonnas; avatars on the internet made to resemble certain types of animals, but share the same attributes as a regular human,” I explained, the blush on my face moving on to conquer the land of my ears. “You still haven’t told me what these furries do, Silas, or why it’s so bad.” I sucked in a big breath of air. There it was; the backbreaking question I had been fearing this whole time. “Well? I’m waiting.” Sunset began tapping her hoof slowly, making me gulp. “We do a lot: art, music, animation, movies; I sing myself, just to let you know. But there is a... um... darker aspect to us that’s basically there for anyone to see,” I said tentatively, like my words were switches that could trigger World War Three if I’m not careful with them. “You already know what I want,” Sunset stated, making me give a whine. “Do I have to? Honestly?” I moved my claws so that they grabbed fistfulls of my mane, which I then proceeded to throw over my face in shame. “It’s only fair~,” Sunset teased with a giggle. A sinister giggle. The type of giggle they throw the mentally insane inside asylums for. The same giggle that will forever haunt to me to this day as the giggle Sunset made when she found out that I- “Smut. There’s a lot of smut,” I finished lamely. “And that is...?” I groaned in pain; the pain of having my pride eviscerated by the curiousness of a small unicorn that resembles the inside of ketchup and mustard packets. That very same unicorn that probably bleeds pixie jizz and shits rainbows after eating a bowl of “magical oats” for breakfast, lunch, and din-din. “... Porn. There’s a lot of furry porn.” Quiet. That was honestly the worst part of this ordeal; the silence. I knew she was looking at me like a parent that just walked in on their child polishing his helmet for the first time. And then if you take that face, imagine how far south it could go after the kid “finishes up” on his parent by accident, then plaster it onto Sunset’s, well; you could probably imagine anything you fucking sicko. “There’s porn of sapient creatures that are furry where you come from; and it’s also taboo,” Sunset asked warily, making me huff again. “Just kill me now. I don’t care how it gets done universe; fucking off me right this second!” I paused. “... Yes.” “So let’s say in the off chance that there’s furry porn about someone that resembles me; would you find it attractive?” Sunset’s voice was accusatory, like an executioner asking a criminal to identify if his charges are correct. There was never a moment in my life where I wished myself to die. This moment marked the  turning point of my clean slate towards suicidal wishes and thoughts. “...Yes,” I answered like a nerd does his bully. Quiet again. I couldn’t see anything because of my mane, which I then brushed to the side carefully. There she was, staring at me. Her face completely reddened from my admittance to my shame. I knew for a fact that any chance at placidity between the two of us was just extinguished, replaced only by the flames of embarrassment and regret. At least, on my part. Her head became a whirlwind of motion as she shook it back and forth quickly. Stopping herself just shy of another shake, Sunset Shimmer looked back down at me with widened eyes and a face of disbelief. “You did not just say that too me,” she stated  quietly.   “This was all a giant mistake! It’s not even my fault! Please don’t kill me!” She continued her staring, head resembling a giant cherry because of that full-faced flush of the cheeks. “I... I don’t even know how to take that...” Sunset trailed off, turning her head to the side. “If I was any other mare; your genitals would be pretty much non-existent. She would’ve turned them into a carrot and apples or something of the like, but - I could tell you weren’t lying.” “Uh-” “Just don’t put me through that type of situation again, alright!? I don’t like harming others with my magic if I can help it. You forced my horn!” Sunset turned her head away after that with a strong huff of her own, continuing her trot into the woods towards my ship. “Put you through,” I yelled incredulously, springing to my feet and taking off after her. “You’r the one who asked, shortstack!” She whirled on me, giving me a good glare. I returned it in spades, of course. And we sat there, in the middle of a forest; a dragon and a unicorn, glaring at one another. Sunset’s blush had gone away, but it came back full force when she made a face like she remembered something important. “Just shut up already! I want to at least get your tour of my own home done by nightfall! Hurry up!” She took off in a gallop down the path, making me roll my eyes and run after her. If this was how our engagements were gonna go from now on; I’d take the solitude of my ship any day.