"What? You think it's a sex joke or something?"
Integrals
***
The sun had not yet risen above the little town of Ponyville. Roosters waited anxiously for their only task of the day while most of the residents lay asleep in their beds. However, if one were to be up and about, one might see a group of four trotting quietly toward the giant tree dubbed the Golden Oaks Library.
One of the pack reached out an orange hoof to slowly open the door. Up until this point, they had all succeeded in keeping quiet.
"Really, Applejack? Don't you think a knock would be nice?" came the voice of a unicorn behind her.
Applejack sighed and responded in a whisper. "Why would ah' knock? 's a public library. 'sides, weren't we tryin' to be quiet?"
"Yeah!" squeaked a pink earth pony. "You told me not to talk!"
"Not helpin', Pinkie."
The unicorn huffed. "Well excuse me for trying to be courteous to Twilight at such an early hour. She is doing us a favor, after all."
"Don't call it a favor, Rarity. Yer makin' it sound like we're usin' 'em for work."
"I beg your pardon. That wasn't what I meant. I wouldn't dream of it. What I meant was that Twilight has made a concession for us so we should at least try to accommodate her."
"That's nice of you," said a voice behind the only slightly open door. "But could you all just come inside. We don't want anypony seeing, remember?"
Clad in sheepish smiles, the four marched inside.
It was about as dark as one would expect before daybreak. Only a few flickering candles scattered about provided any light. But what they lit was somewhat odd. Drawn out on the open floor of the library were a number of odd characters and symbols surrounding two large circles.
Off to the side was an industrial sized box of chalk that would make any schoolteacher drool.
"Oh!" Pinkie exclaimed leaning down to examine the drawings. "I didn't know you liked abstracts, Twilight! It looks just as good as a Pigasso!"
"It's not art," the purple unicorn explained. She then frowned. "But, thank you?"
"No problem."
"Anyway. These are the runes that will make casting this spell a bit easier and safer. Or, it's most of them. I tried to get a little sleep before I got started and time got away from me."
A different pink-maned pony froze while her friend spoke. "S-safer? Is it not safe already?"
"Don't worry Fluttershy. It's mostly for me. Without the catalysts, I just might get exhausted too quickly. You've got nothing to worry about."
"Oh," she replied, visibly relaxed. "Well is there anything we can help you with in the mean time?"
Twilight shrugged. "No. Just figure out exactly what you're going to do when they're here. Because I have no idea. I mean, really. They're going to appear out of nowhere and ask us 'Now what?' and I'll have nothing to say. For the hay of it? For research?" She saw the concern in her friends' eyes and reeled in her complaints. "Sorry. I'm just a little worried is all."
Rarity rolled her eyes at the pessimism. "You'll think of something, dear. And we'll all be here to help."
For once, the librarian decided not to contest the hopeful remark. It's not like she didn't have faith in them or anything like that.
Yeah. Sure.
...
Think for a moment. Where is one most relaxed? Most at peace with the world? Most content to do nothing? When could one turn down the lure of a new day in favor of adopting the daily activities of a sweet potato?
The answer is "in one's grave" of course. However, "in bed on a lazy weekend" is a close second.
The alarm clock knew better than to sound on a Sunday which left its clients to their own devices in terms of waking up. The drapes, however, were not as wise. Light crept up the sleeping form of Rainbow Dash, slowly seeping through her eyelids to remind her that the sun did indeed rise today.
She grunted and buried her face, but the damage was done. Further sleep now beyond her reach, she moved the hooves that bound her and sat up.
It was early by her standards. Well before noon. This always happened whenever she had an actual reason to sleep in. Something would stir her and then boredom would ultimately drag her out to face the day.
Well, it was difficult to be too bored with her new roommate hanging around.
Roommates? Is that what we are? We should really smooth this out some day.
Said roommate soon felt the same light that woke his double assault his eyes, coming to with a groan.
"Rngh," he growled. "Five more minutes, mom..."
The mare laughed at her groggy clone. "No use, Blitz. You're up for good now."
"I was just remembering something too."
Dash looked down at the stallion rubbing his eyes. "You're still doing that?"
"Apparently. Who's Zecora?"
"Zebra. Makes potions. Lives in the forest. Probably has speech issues."
"That would explain the stupid rhymes," he said as he grabbed her around her barrel and brought his muzzle to her neck. "Morning, by the way."
Dash hummed at the touch and suddenly wondered why they were no longer tangled under the blankets. However, there was business to take care of before any more of that could happen.
"Morning to you too. Did you remember anything else? A book, maybe?"
He frowned and searched his memory. "I don't think so. And why a book? You mean that Dancing Shoe thing you were talking about?"
"Daring Do," Dash corrected angrily.
"Whatever."
"No whatevers!" she exclaimed as she leaped from the bed. "It's awesome! Now get up. We're going to the library."
"Fine," he droned. "But this better be the best book ever."
Dash just shook her head, smiling.
"If only you knew."
...
Shockingly enough, when given no other diversion than literature for an extended period of time, ponies will in fact resort to reading. For fun. Could you imagine?
About ten minutes of watching Twilight draw intricate circles went by before one of the others picked up a book. Rarity, of course, took to browsing the library's admittedly scarce romance section. Only appropriate materials are set on public display and those authors know little about silly concepts like "subtlety", "restraint", or "shame". But, the fashionista was nothing if not imaginative, making filling in the blanks all too easy.
Applejack found herself one of the few books she read regularly and sat down to study. Some ponies, pegasi specifically, found the Farmers Almanac silly given that weather was controlled by a relatively organized staff. Earth ponies like Applejack, however, were all too familiar with the weather team's shortcomings. So a group of researchers observed activity in airborne cities like Cloudsdale and found a pattern in their failures. Thus, the somewhat random mishaps at most weather factories could be predicted with reasonable accuracy for the good of Equestria's food supply.
"Huh. Says here we're gettin' a freak snowstorm sometime soon. Now how the hay do they figure that?"
"Dunno!" replied Pinkie from, what else, a coloring book. "Maybe the royal guards will need to use it to catch some rebels!"
Applejack rolled her eyes. "Sure they will, sugarcube."
Fluttershy frowned and closed her cookbook. "I hope they don't. The animals wouldn't be prepared for it. The poor critters could freeze!"
"Don't worry, Fluttershy," came the somewhat weary voice of the resident magician. "Celestia hasn't used a tactic like that in hundreds of years. No one is going to freeze."
The pegasus's shoulders sank as she released a worried breath. "Okay. Are you finished?"
"Yep!" she said enthusiastically. "You know, I'm actually kind of excited to try the spell on this sort of scale. It'll be the first time anypony has done anything like it!"
"And you're right in the middle of it, Twilight!" her fellow unicorn declared, her novel now tossed aside. "I daresay you'll find your way into another chapter in the history books."
Twilight chewed her lip nervously. "About that. Listen, I would rather keep the fact that we're doing this a secret, okay? I just- I don't know how Celestia would react to me doing this, you know?"
Applejack leaned forward to inspect the runes. "An' how are we s'posed to explain the stallions that look jus' like us?"
"Just say they're from out of town. I'm sure you could play off the resemblance as a coincidence. Nopony should pry that much."
Pinkie Pie jumped up and gathered her friends around her. "No problemo, Twilight! The secret is safe with us! Now gather round for a five-way Pinkie promise!"
They all reluctantly went through the unofficial but still very binding agreement, careful to shut their eyes upon the last gesture.
Twilight nodded, happy to see that her wish was being upheld by one of the strongest contracts she knew of. "Okay, girls. Step into the circle. No, the other one. And Applejack, are you going to keep the hat on?"
"Sure. Why wouldn't I?"
"I just need to know so it doesn't get merged with your organs."
On that reassuring thought, the five stepped into the correct chalk circle, allowing Twilight some space in the center.
Magenta magic flowed from her horn, tracing through the lines on the floor. The air around them grew hot and tense as small sparks formed briefly on their bodies right before hopping off and traveling along the runes.
The active unicorn's legs shook from the tremendous effort. Sweat beaded on her face as she tried to keep the quivering light on her horn from going out.
Soon, the runes around their circle pulsed with a white light, fading along a line that led to the other circle.
Alright. No turning back now. Here we go.
Twilight's horn grew brighter and brighter as one last burst of magic built up.
"Ready girls?" she asked through gritted teeth.
"Of course!"
"Darn tootin'."
"Okay..."
"Weeeeeeee!"
With a final push, the runes around them pulsed once more before all of the light drained into the unlit ring. A low buzz filled the air right before the shock wave knocked everypony involved right on their rumps.
...
"Why don't you trust me on this, dude? You're me. I know me."
"'Cause it's a book! Eggheads read books for fun."
"You calling me an egghead?"
"Not yet I'm not. I'll take a look and then decide if you're an egghead."
The colorful pegasi approached the huge tree from the air, landing several meters before the front door.
"You're gonna eat those words," she promised, flicking him with a wing. "And I'm gonna rub it in your face so hard."
The stallion stopped in his tracks and started cracking up. Dash turned to him and raised an eyebrow.
"Dude, what's so funny?"
He had to shake off a few giggles before he could answer. "I dunno. Just something about the way you said that."
"What? You think it's a sex joke or something?"
"Kind of," Blitz said, cracking a grin between laughs.
"What part of what I said was a sex joke?"
"Eat. Rub. Face. Hard."
Dash shook her head, frowning. "You're an idiot." However, as she turned to continue towards the library, she hung her head while letting out a few low snickers.
"See? It's funny!"
"It's not funny!" she shot back, laughing harder. "It's stupid!"
Yet Dash still fell down on her clone, joining him in a nice fit of immature, foalish laughter that would disappoint anypony outside of junior high school. Ponies were staring.
Blitz panted, smacking a hoof on the ground. "I- I can't breathe!"
"F-freakin' pain in my ass!"
"You love it!"
"Alright! Alright." Dash calmed herself. "Enough of that. Come on. You have to read Dancing Shoe."
The stallion got up sluggishly, still out of breath from the nonexistent joke. "I thought it was Daring Do."
"Dammit Blitz! Now you made me do it!"
"Don't pin this on-"
Their argument was cut short by a massive sound and an explosion of white light from the tree house's windows. Instincts took over as they grabbed each other and hit the deck. Their heads jerked toward the noise in time to see the entire library actually jump a few centimeters.
Maybe it was a short ranged blast. Maybe nopony was paying attention to the gigantic tree attempt to take off. Either way, nopony aside from our colorful pegasi cared to check what had happened. A far cry from the rabbit fearing bunch that lived in Ponyville before the arrival of Twilight Sparkle. Nopony had the time to fret over every catastrophe that mare was going through.
Rainbow Dash and her clone were no exception, of course. Dash's already steel nerves could have only grown stronger given her circle of friends. But, the body has a curious way of bypassing steel nerves when dealing with explosions. Something to do with being blown to giblets or whatever.
They eventually came to their senses and pushed to their respective hooves. Dash looked on with wide eyes while Blitz felt around his ear to make sure it was still there.
"Uh, should we go check on that or something?" the stallion suggested, turning to the mare. "Dash? Equestria to Dash. You in there?"
"Dude," was all she managed to say, still transfixed on the library's door.
"What? What is it?"
"I've seen that light before."
"Okay," he said, still with a hint of uncertainty. "And when was that?"
Dash didn't answer him. Her dropped jaw slowly morphed into her trademark grin. She gestured for him to follow as she approached the door.
...