Please make sure the setting in the top right is “Dark”, not “Light”. Thank you.
If this chapter actually gets published, it means I’m serious about doing all six parts of this.
…
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Haim Saban, and Shuki Levy.
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The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(17)
~Pony rock is in the house tonight and every pony’s just having good time.~
Last time on Death Battle, Tommy Oliver claimed the first win for the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.
Can his teammates keep the win streak going?
Or will the Power Ponies be able to score one for the good ponies before this century is over?
Up next is Fili-Second as she takes on the original Black Ranger.
She’s N and I’m F.
He’s W and I’m B.
And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills…
… to find out who would win a Death Battle.
---Death Battle---
Fili-Second
-Alter-ego: not available
-Can run a distance of several miles in less than a second
-Always wins her games of Tag
-Cannot stand still (except when exposed to hairspray)
-Consistently baking more cupcakes on the run
-Tornado conditions can still sweep her off her hooves
Faster than a speeding bullet, more hyper than I am after drinking coffee, and as close as possible to copying the Flash without copyright infringement, it’s Fili-Second!
Fili-Second is one of the six Power Ponies, the heroes of Mare-tropolis.
N, they’ve already seen the backstory for Saddle Rager. I’m pretty sure they could figure out where the rest of the Power Ponies are from.
Well, this is a first. I never thought you’d be the one to take the fun out of exchanging dialogue prior to a match. I thought that was my job.
Nah, I’m just *eff*ing *ess*ing you. Keep going.
O…kay. Fili-Second’s most notable ability is her speed. True to her name, she can traverse long distances in less than a second.
She’s also got this unique sixth sense. She knows the exact location of every bakery within Mare-tropolis and knows just which one is close enough for her to run to, bake cupcakes, and come back before the important stuff happens.
However, her quick hoof work can’t outrun the force of a tornado.
Fortunately, she never has to fight Zapp. Instead, she spends her free time winning rounds of Ultimate Tag with the Mane-iac’s henchmen.
“Tag you're it! Tag you're it! Tag you're it! Tag you're it!”
Huh, you know… I have an urge to call those henchmen “Antony” for some strange reason.
Really? I thought they looked more like a “Stephen”.
Well, we’re done for now anyway. Take it away, Woom and Biz!
---Death Battle---
Black Ranger (That’s racist!)
-Zachary “Zack” Taylor
-Played by Walter Jones
-Enthusiasm, upbeat personality, and close friends with Jason, Billy, Trini, and Kimberly
-Likes: Pranks, Halloween
-Dislikes: Snakes, Spidertron
-Developed his own fighting style: Hip Hop Kido
-Mastodon Power Coin and Mastodon Dinozord
Thanks, Nire and Fyx.
Zachary Taylor is the original Black Ranger.
Ah-heh. Careful, W or we might have a mixed color debate in the comments.
Right, onto the trivial pieces of information. Zack is technically the first of the original members to morph into a Power Ranger. Also, he’s missing his left middle finger.
Yeah, he’s probably had one or more moments where he goes “*eff* you… oh, wait… I can’t.” Man, our pre-battle analysis is really harsh this time. What else can we strip from this guy’s dignity?
Maybe we should move on to his gear.
Great idea! Like the other Rangers, Zack carries a wrist communicator and a Blade Blaster. Presumably, he can ride a Battle Bike, though that’s never shown on screen. Man, why does everything epic have to happen off screen?
The Black Ranger’s specific weapon is the Power Axe. The weapon can be used to deliver blunt damage as well as be converted into the Cosmic Cannon.
I take it back. That’s pretty epic on screen.
His Zord is the Mastodon, which was actually supposed to be a mammoth, but the species was confused due to similar visual appearance during the final cuts.
W, let me tell you something. A mammoth may be big, but it’s way too cuddly in the movies. A mastodon on the other hand is straightforward with its rough and tough appearance when you see it.
Um… all right then. Zack tends to be very enthusiastic and upbeat. He loves partying, pranking, and scaring friends during Halloween.
But on the flipside, he shares Indiana Jones’ fear of snakes.
He has managed to conquer this fear after given some time. Additionally, he incorporates his love of dancing into his own fighting style of Hip Hop Kido.
Unfortunately, we won’t get to see this loveable cha cha kapow style for long. After some time passes, Zack will transfer his powers to Adam Park via the Sword of Light. What the hell? First it’s Tommy with the Sword of Darkness. Then it’s Zack with the Sword of Light. What’s next? Are the other four Rangers going to lose their powers via the Swords of Fire, Earth, Wind, Water, and Heart?
That’s five elements. There are only four Rangers battling after this.
But you get what I’m saying, right?
Well, if this is the last time we get to see Zack Taylor show them how it’s done, then let’s enjoy his dance as much as possible. Does that sound fair?
D**n straight!
“Looks like it’s time to go to work.”
---Death Battle---
All right, the combatants are set.
Let’s settle the second of six debates once and for all.
It’s time for a…
DEATH BATTLE!
---Death Battle---
This virtual city arena was brought to you in part by Sim City. All of your sandbox dreams of screwing up people's lives with tornados, fire, and giant robots can come true here. At least, that's assuming you play long enough to actually get to any of those hidden goodies. But enough about the computerized backup narrator's embarrassing past.
That program was full of bugs and you know it!
Zack Taylor is all suited up and ready for action. Likewise, his opponent just can't wait to get started as she is quickly running in place. She wears a big goofy grin.
“FIGHT!”
Contrary to his mild-mannered alter ego, the Black Ranger gets right to it. He pulls out his blaster and starts firing. The pony hero quickly becomes a blur to the camera. The laser fire barely skims Fili-Second's after-images. With another zoom sound effect, she vanishes. Where did she go?
"Tag, you're it!"
Oh, she's behind the ranger's shoulder. No, never mind. She's gone again. With another pink blur, she comes back and pokes his leg. She blurs away, comes around, and tickles his stomach. It's too bad we didn't hire the slow-motion cameraman today. I bet Fili-Second is doing a bunch of other things that we just can't see.
Zack lets out a couple of laughs before pulling out... Is that an axe?! Fili-Second comes in for another frontal touch-and-go. However, the Black Ranger uses this as an opportunity to practice his batting swing. The blunt side of the Power Axe smacks the speeding pony right smack in the face.
"Owie!" she exclaims.
Her body performs an involuntary backflip through the air. The ranger uses this opening to get a running start. As Fili-Second falls within reach, he starts delivering his own fast pace of arm and footwork. A karate chop is followed by a kick. That's followed by a slide to the left and a left hook. His next foot stomp hits the pony's tail, followed by some more dance-based hits.
I wonder if he's popular with the ladies.
You would ask that, computer, wouldn't you? Anyway, the Black Ranger finishes up his little number with one more swing from his Power Axe. The result is a nice, pony-shaped hole in the nearest skyscraper. Though, the body is nowhere to be seen.
"Where'd she go?" asks Zack.
His helmet gets hit by a blue-frosted cupcake. A green-frosted one hits his back. Orange frosting hits him in the left boot. Red frosting finds its way to his belt. Pretty soon, the Black Ranger finds himself covered head-to-toe in confectionary.
The camera zooms in on a speeding target down the street. It seems Fili-Second is galloping with a determined look on her face. It's a good thing that the replay cameraman is on duty. The audience gets to see the pony headbutt the ranger three times in a row even though it's really just one headbutt.
Her enemy twinkles in the distant sky.
“K.O.!”
---Death Battle---
G*dd***it! I blinked.
Out of the original six Power Rangers, Zack Taylor was definitely the one with the most speed. However, this doesn't even come close to the speed of a Flash imitator, someone that can run faster than sound.
To be fair, the Black Ranger did outmatch Fili-Second in pure strength and his strategy was improvised enough to be more unpredictable. But there are times when even creative thinking can't outwit a speeding bullet, or in this case a speeding pony.
At least Zack will go down in history as a Hip Hop star.
The winner is Fili-Second.
---Death Battle---
Next time on Death Battle…
…
Triceratops!
…
So much for “element of surprise”.
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