The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza


Power vs. Power (part 1): Green IS Your Color

Please make sure the setting in the top right is “Dark”, not “Light”. Thank you.

A/N: If I really want to revive this fic from hiatus, then I had better pull all the stops. Here is the first of many headaches.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Haim Saban, and Shuki Levy.
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The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(16)

Wait, what am I seeing? Is this really happening?

Hell yeah! I’ve wanted to see this battle since forever.

What are you talking about? You only got this job last year.

Which in layman terms is forever.

Oh, that’s right. You told me about your short attention span before.

A door shuts.

Hey, you’re already here. How have you been?

Bored as he- oh, look. A butterfly.

F wanders off.

What’s up with him?

Honestly, I stopped trying to figure him out after the first three months.

In that case, why don’t we get right down to business?

Everyone assumes the announcer position… except for F. He gets bored with the butterfly and runs away from a spider he sees.

Teams with attitude have taken the spotlight in many televised programs.

We’re all going to pitch in our voices this time around. The canonical nature of one particular team is in question, so we’ll be right either way.

Since we want to get as much awesomeness out of this as possible, and because the director can’t possibly figure out how to cover twelve different fighters in the same arena simultaneously, we’re going to pair up each individual member against exactly one opponent at a time.

Who are these teams you ask?

Why, it’s none other than the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers!

Their opponents are the Power Ponies from the enchanted comic book.

The first matchup will showcase the leanest and the greenest.

Saddle Rager will face off against the original Green Ranger.

F gallops onto the scene.

*pant* *pant* Whew. I think I managed to lose that hell-spider.

He’s W and I’m B.

She’s N and I’m F.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills…

… to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

The Green Ranger
-Thomas “Tommy” Oliver
-Would later wear the colors white, red, and black in that order
-Martial arts master; tied with Jason in a martial arts tournament
-Originally, his ranger powers came from the evil Rita
-Soon was recruited to the side of good, but with slowly draining powers
-Weapons: Dragon Dagger, Dragon Shield, Blade Blaster (rarely used)
-Other available equipment/zord: wrist communicator, Power Morpher w/ Dragon Power Coin, Mega Healer, Dragonzord

The earliest career move for Thomas “Tommy” Oliver was being conscripted as the Green Ranger.

And he took the route of most bad*ss*s in history: using the powers of the dark side… until some boring goody-two-shoes snapped him out of it.

Well, at least he got to keep his cool items… most of them.

Rest in peace, Sword of Darkness. You fought bravely for all the baddies out there.

It wasn’t that big a loss. Even before Rita’s intervention, Tommy was a master of martial arts on par with Jason.

Yeah, that’s true. Besides, how many guys can say that they wield a Dragon Shield and Dagger that when played like a flute summons a mecha-godzilla?

Dragonzord.

Right. What did I say?

Anyway, he wears the standard Power Morpher which allows him to activate his Ranger powers. However, this only works if the Dragon Power Coin is attached.

He’s also got a Blade Blaster, but let’s be honest. When you have a dagger and a giant robot that can shoot lasers and energy, do you really need another laser weapon? Answer: HELL YEAH!

Before he lost his Green Ranger powers for good, he managed to defeat Lord Zedd and saved five teenagers from becoming Dark Rangers. In doing so, he learned one of the most important lessons for character development.

“It’s not just the costume and powers that give me strength. It's who and what I am inside that really empowers me.”

Man, I don’t remember him being so cheesy.

Quiet, B.

---Death Battle---

Saddle Rager
-Secret identity: unavailable
-Has a Hulk-like temperament
-Is very difficult to upset unless animals are involved
-Anger causes her muscles to bulge beyond normal-pony levels
-In rage mode, has 100% resistance to heat and energy blasts to the face; can even reflect said blasts back to their source
-Strategy consists of ripping apart the machine and smashing it to pieces
-Is quick to remember her place and feel sheepish

FLUTTER SMASH!

It’s Saddle Rager.

Whatever.

While Saddle Rager’s secret identity is unknown, it can be determined that she lives in the city of Maretropolis.

Will these “bucking” puns never end?

Trust me, we haven’t even gotten started yet. Saddle is one of the six Power Ponies, the heroes chosen to combat the evil schemes of the Mane-iac.

This comic book fantasy seems to mix references of other heroes just enough to avoid copyright infringement and/or trademark violation. For example, Saddle Rager’s powers are a tribute to the Incredible Hulk. In other words, you won’t like her when she’s angry. You’re going to love her!

So it’s not okay when the show makes puns, but it’s okay when you reference something in a witty way?

Yes.

Anyway, as you said, Saddle’s powers do involve an incredible strength gain simply by becoming angry. Her muscles become so large and dense that they are fully resistant to attacks based on heat and energy.

The attacks are even bounced back. How the hell does that work?

However, it is difficult to convince Saddle Rager to become enraged about anything. Under normal circumstances, she would rather avoid fighting if possible.

But if anyone so much as swats a fly in her general vicinity, they’re as good as dead.

“You’re just a great, big meanie! There! I said it! What makes you think you're so special?! Like the rules of common courtesy don't apply to you?! Why don't you pick on somepony your own size?!”

0.0 … Did you hear that roar?

0_o … I tasted that roar.

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set.

Let’s settle the first of six debates once and for all.

It’s time for a…

DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

Ah, there’s nothing quite as relaxing as a beach. Sun, surf, and sand use up your S’s for the day. I would’ve brought my swimsuit, but I sunburn easily. Oh, I guess we’re getting started here. The combatants are already facing each other.

Tommy Oliver calls out, “It’s Morphin Time!”

Several flashes of light later, the Green Ranger stands in place fully decked out in green and gold covering his suit. The already outfitted Pegasus pony seems bothered by something other than a need for a costume change.

“Um, could I take a rain check, please?” Saddle Rager asks with a small smile.

FIGHT!

Without so much as a ‘no’, Tommy runs in and starts throwing in some spinning punches and kicks. Saddle easily ducks under the air flailing, but gets a low sidekick right in her kisser. She holds up her front hoof to defend, though the effort does little to halt the Ranger’s onslaught.

Reluctantly, she throws in a punch and kick of her own. This counterattack proves fruitless, however, as Tommy’s defensive stance is more stable than Rager’s. Tommy goes back on the offensive as Saddle puts up a futile resistance.

A few exchanges like this later, we transition to a position further to the right on the beach. Saddle Rager comes tumbling in and lands on her side. A closer look reveals a small, brown crab wearing a conch shell. The crab is skittering about a foot away from her face.

“Oh, hello Mr. Hermit Crab,” mutters Saddle, “Did I interrupt your morning crabwalk? I’m sorry.”

The background music synthesizer hits a loud, dramatic note as a white boot literally smashes the conch shell. A small, almost inaudible whine can be heard from the shell’s sole resident. Saddle’s eyes open wide as she looks up at the perpetrator.

Her eyebrows narrow. She slowly stands up. She doesn’t avert her gaze.

“That poor hermit crab was just minding its own business and you had the nerve to step on it?”

During her line of questioning, Saddle’s garments start stretching and ripping all over the place. Additionally, muscles that weren’t there before somehow grow her into a bulkier form beyond the limits where even steroids could take some pony.

“You inconsiderate, blind, thoughtless, brutal jerk! How would you like it if some pony stepped on you?” she asks followed by a beastly roar.

A sweat drop forms outside of her enemy’s helmet.

“I need Dragonzord power!” Tommy exclaims. He holds his dagger up and starts moving his fingers around in the fashion of a flute player. Why a trumpet decides to play in the background is beyond me.

Something large disturbs the ocean’s gentle tide cycle. After much bubbling, the head of a large mechanical dinosaur appears followed by the rest of its body. It slowly wanders onto the beach.

As Tommy continues to play his dagger-flute-trumpet, the Dragonzord lets out a roar and swings its giant tail against the significantly smaller enemy. But in a surprisingly firm catch, two muscular hooves grab the tail and rip it off with little effort.

The giant pony heaves the tail piece and whacks it against the rest of the Zord’s body. A few hits here and a few hits there eventually leave the giant machine in a pile of rubble.

With her successful conquering of the Zord, she lets out another roar and beats her chest. Unbeknownst to her, however, the costumed Tommy Oliver sneaks around just under the Rager’s tail with his dagger in hand.

Uh… I don’t think a knife is supposed to go in there. Oh gosh! Don’t put it in there! This is getting very strange.

The sound of three laser blasts can be heard. After the third, Saddle Rager’s abdomen area explodes in green light and… oh, geez. I hope she doesn’t need all of that blood and those internal organs that are spilling out.

In a sound almost like a deflating balloon, her body shrinks to its original size. The Green Ranger tucks his shield away before sheathing his dagger.

K.O.!

---Death Battle---

I’m twelve years old and what is this?

While typically fighting with good intentions, his career as a Ranger didn’t start out that way. It wouldn’t be that big of a stretch to consider the possibility of him picking up dirty, cheap tricks while fighting under Rita’s command.

Still, I’d have to say that was pretty close. It started off a bit slow, considering the fact that Saddle Rager had difficulty motivating herself to fight. But once she hulked out, there wasn’t much that could stop her. Even the Dragonzord stood little chance against her powerful hooves.

So in the end, it came down to whether brains could overcome brawns. Considering Mr. Oliver’s experience with fighting large, ruthless enemies, there was a high chance that he could find a workaround for dealing with a rage-mode Saddle Rager.

That pony may have Hulk’s super strength and skin, but that doesn’t offer much protection against hazards that are already inside her body.

I guess green wasn’t her color after all.

At least now we know that Saddle Rager had a lot of guts.

The winner is the Green Ranger.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle…

The Maretropolis Bakery was only sixty-five blocks away!

Mastodon!