A simple flying accident? Still... this could constitute trespassing, vandalism, damage to royal property and lèse-majesté. If tripping over ones hooves during a parade could make a grown stallion write a letter of resignation to me what torrent of sobs, whining and weeping was this young mare about to unleash? Would I have to talk her out of publically disembowelling herself? I couldn't be in a worse mood for dealing with my overly apologetic subjects right now and yet here it comes as inevitably as the tides. Let the grovelling begin:
Three.
Two.
One.
"Hi," said the young grey pegasus with a jovial grin.
"H-hello..." I replied. It had been a very, very long time since I had been genuinely taken aback.
"Um... this wouldn't happen to be twenty-two Maple Lane would it?" she asked, digging her saddlebag out of the crater of cushions and blankets her rather hard landing had created.
It took several moments to regain my composure, "No, my little pony. This is the royal suite in Canterlot Castle. My royal suite."
"Do you know where Maple Lane is?" the young mare rummaged in her bag and dug out a large street map, unfurling it on my mattress and peering at it intently, "I feel like I've been looking for it all day. I guess I just don't know this area so well. I asked a stallion on Main Street and he said that I should fly as far as the train station and then head East but I always have difficulty getting my compass out my bag while I'm flying. I think I must've dropped it."
Is she concussed? Suffering from some head wound? Does she know where she is? Who she is talking to?
"Are you quite alright? You hit your head quite badly on your way in here and... and your eyes have..." I have some small knowledge of healing magic although it has never been my forte. Being an ascended alicorn, however, means that I can pull off even my weakest spells with greater efficacy then a specialist. With a flick of my horn I summoned up my magic.
"No, I was born this way. I didn't hit my head too bad but thanks for asking," she realized the map was looking at the map upside down and flipped it around.
Strabismus, of course. She must be visually impaired. It would explain her blithe attitude in the presence of a Princess. How careless of me, "I'm so sorry, I-"
"Don't be!" she laughed.
That painfully simple reply struck me in the chest like a battering ram.
"Oh!" she glanced up at the ruin she had wrought across my bedroom, "I broke your window..."
Please, no. Please don't. I was enjoying this. Don't cry. Don't grovel.
"Sorry 'bout that. Um... here!" she plunged a hoof into her bag and produced a small, slightly squashed object bundled up in cling wrap, "I'll give you my sandwich so we're even," she held the sandwich, it looked like watercress, cucumber and chives, in front of my face.
When all I could do was stare at her slack jawed she carefully placed the sandwich on my head, balancing it precariously behind my horn.
"Don't eat it all in one place, 'kay?" grinned the pegasus. She cocked her head when I didn't respond. She was still wearing my crown and now it was resting at a playful and absurd angle. Suddenly she looked suspicious, "Hay! The sandwich's all you're gonna get. Take it or leave it. I'm not gonna let you extort me out of my muffins."
I cleared my throat. Where did I leave my prim and proper Princess facade today? It's taking me an awfully long time to summon it up.
"Do you know who I am?" I asked finally, telekinetically removing my new sandwich crown and placing it on my bedside table.
"Sure! I'm not blind after all. Your face is on our money, how could I not? Do you know who I am?"
So she does know who I am... but then... why is she treating me like I'm... a pony?
"No, I don't believe I've made your acquaintance yet," I had regained my composure, once more wrapped in the elegance befitting a true ruler.
"Then I guess some introductions are in order," she clumsily crumpled up her map, tossed it in her bag and leapt off my bed. She turned to face me and gave a triumphant salute.
"Ditzy Doo, junior mailmare for the town of Ponyville. Proud member of the Equestrian Postal Service:
Rain, wind, sleet or hail
In our duty we shall not fail
Uh... something, something... humpback whale
And deliver Equestria its mail," she spoke the final line of the Postal Service motto with unfaltering conviction despite having been somewhat derailed during the third line, "A pleasure to meetcha," she extended her hoof.
"The third line is 'No matter the trial, we shall prevail'... also you saluted with the wrong hoof," I chuckled gently as I took her hoof in my own, "What a delight to meet a devoted servant of our beloved postal service. I am Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria," truly it was a pleasure. Luna and I will laugh about this by the fire tonight, I'm sure.
"Well, I should probably get going. These letters aren't going to deliver themselves. Though sometimes I wish they would. Only some of them mind you. I don't like delivering stuff to ponies in big cities 'cos I always get lost. But out in the country's the best. Do you go out into the countryside often?"
Small talk. She was making small talk. With me. Ruler of Equestria. Raiser of the sun. Burning messiah of the equine species. It was glorious. Damn near brought tears to my eyes.
"No, I don't get out of the castle nearly as often as I would like," I replied.
"You should! It's breathtakingly beautiful this time of year. Winter's just ended so all the flowers are poking their heads out. Springtime's just so fresh!"
"Well... I mean... I can't just up and leave..."
"Yes, you can."
"I have innumerable responsibilities that have to-"
"Nope."
This was making my day. Not even Luna would dare say no to me directly. I could feel something building deep inside me.
"You're the Princess! All you gotta do is say I, Princess Celestia decree that I'm taking the day off. Everypony needs some down time once in a while. Oh, but look at me rambling and carrying on like a dummy when there's mail that needs delivering," she trotted over to the broken window that she'd come in through.
"Wait!" I cried in panic.
She glanced at me over her shoulder.
"You're still wearing my crown," the words I had wanted to say simply didn't come out at all. Thank you. Thank you for this. I needed this breath of fresh air so badly. I had nearly suffocated.
"Woops! There you go. Enjoy that sandwich, 'kay?"
"Will you find Maple Street alright?" I ventured, if only to keep her here for a moment longer.
"You bet! 'No matter the trial, we shall prevail', right? I may get lost once in a while but the mail always gets there on time," she grinned and leapt cleanly out of the jagged hole in the stained glass window. As I watched her blonde tail vanish into the clear blue sky I laughed.
I laughed long and loud. Not the dainty, calculated giggle I had trained myself to deploy when a fat diplomat made an attempt at some half remembered joke but a full-force earth shaking guffaw. I hear the guards out the door murmuring nervous me as they listen to me cackle but I couldn't care less. This was what I had felt building within me with every word that strange young mare had uttered. Finally overflowing. I laughed until my face hurt.
The door creaked open and Raven, my personal assistant, poked a frightened looking face through the door, "Your Majesty? Are you alright?"
I tried and failed to return my face to its usual state of tranquil sincerity. After struggling past a few more giggles I finally said, "Better than I have been in a while. Cancel all my appointments tomorrow. I'm taking the day off. Now come, dear subject, we have left the Stalliongrad delegates waiting long enough."
"All your appointments, your Majesty?" she asked, looking shocked.
"Did I stutter?" I asked sternly, stepping past her into the hall.
"You!" the guard I directed my shout at went rigid, his jaw clenched and his face red, "Walk with me."
He followed me and Raven stiffly down the stairs. His limbs moving almost robotically and his eyes darting rapidly around as if he were about to be attacked at any moment.
"Tell me," I said, smiling warmly, "Why is it that donkeys don't get Cutie Marks?"