~~~1236 years, 3 months, 6 days, 9 hours, 21 minutes and 5 seconds ago
Discord groaned, lazily floating on his back, paddling his way through the eastern sea. Those rotten sisters had ruined his fun again! What was the big deal anyway? Why must they always ruin his best pranks? Card board trees, chocolate rain, candles that made it darker, exploding whoopy cushions, it was funny wasn't it? They had a good laugh didn’t they? Though he supposed that candy bar in the royal swimming pool might have been a bit low brow but, hey, a prank was a prank, and pranks certainly didn’t warrant war. Two little princesses weren’t that big of a problem of course, but they had gone and turned all the ponies against him as well! The nerve! Even now, far to the west, they were attempting to find a way to follow him. A few flying jellyfish and newly made sea monsters had set them right...but they still presented a problem. If he were to rule over all Equestria and still have his fun he’d need something ready made to mix in with the ponies when the time came. After all, where was the fun in everything getting all stale? He had to make sure there were several different brands of chaos, so that the ponies didn’t get too comfortable...and that meant something new!
The Draconequus sat up, climbing ontop of the water’s surface. “Alright lets see now” He looked around “Well here is as good of a spot as any!” He snapped his fingers and with a soft ‘poof’ a pull chain appeared, suspended in the air. He grabbed it and gave it a tug. With the sound like a flushing toilet a whirlpool appeared, easily 30 miles across. Discord cackled watching the mad swirling for a second, floating above the scene, his voice changing to that of a wide eyed innocent little child for a second
“Water go down th’ hole!” He snapped his fingers again and the whirlpool suddenly grew a mouth, which hacked and coughed for several minutes before spitting out nine islands, complete with squawking birds, trees, and little animals. He tossed the watery jaws a giant cough drop
“Thank you good sir” He said as he moved on, the whirlpool disappearing behind him. He made his way to the centermost island and quietly sat down in the sand.
“Ah...nice little vacation spot. Perfect for an experiment!” With a snap of his fingers a labcoat appeared on his body, a pair of thick gloves on both of his hands, a pair of thick, taped up glasses, tilted slightly to one side, dangling on the bridge of her nose.
“Its time to get cooking!” He pulled up a pail, much like one a child would use when making a sand castle, tossing just a bit of sand in mixing it around with his hand, snapping and pulling out a little bundle of flesh. The bundle wiggled and squeaked in his hand
“Aww aren’t you just the cutest widdle fing I ever did see?” He coos, teasing the ball with his finger. “Now then, lets see….chaotic as possible…hmmm..Nice long limbs” As he spoke he pinch a bit of the flesh and pulled it out, making a set of long legs, that stopped about 3 feet up the creature’s body.
“Yes that always makes the ponies cringe, spidery legs! Hmmm…” He looked at the four things he had made, the creature unsteadily wobbling there in the sand before him. He grabbed it and pushed it backwards a bit, straightening its spine, and shortening its arms. It balanced there for a second before toppling over.
“Perfect!” He crowed, before setting down next to the creature’s legs.
“Hmmm..what now...hooves are so last century….” His left back leg gave him a swift kick in the rump “Oh hush you! You wouldn’t know fashion if it came up and bit you in the…..if it kissed your….Huh….Okay we’ll get back to that” He frowned at the creature before snapping his fingers loudly.
“This little piggy went to market” He cooed, pulling at the stub at the end of the creature’s leg, a foot appeared and so did a toe.”This little piggy stayed home” A second toe appeared on both of the feet. “This little piggy had roast beef, and this little piggy had none. And this little piggy went wee wee wee all the way home!” As the fifth toe popped into existence Discord tickled the creature’s feet with the tip of his tail. The creature flailed and let out a muffled squeal. “Oh don’t worry you’ll be able to laugh later!” He said, patting his creation’s belly
“Hmm...now about the skin...nah lets leave it as is, no fur, but easily burnt and easily damaged by the cold.” He then made his way to the little stubs on the end of its arms
“Hmmm...Hooves are still-” His left back leg raised again, preparing to kick “Well they’re just not good if he’s got both his arms free anyways” The leg lowered again. Discord thoughtfully rubbed his chin, then slowly looked down at his hand.
“Eureka!” He snapped his fingers and a pair of tentacles appeared at the end of the wrists “Perfect!” The two tentacles began feeling over his creation’s body, the left one starting to go right between the creature’s-
“Erg...don’t do that...you’ll go blind...er…” He frowned “Maybe tentacles were a bad idea…I’ll save that for later though...” He snapped his fingers again and the tentacles disappeared.
“Nasty...you best wash off those wrists young stallion” His creation ignored him, simply sitting there. With a quick snap of his fingers a set of hands appeared on the fleshy stubs. When his creation attempted to continue feeling himself up Discord slapped his new hands.
“No, bad...though I suppose if you’re gonna learn a lesson a brain would be a good place to start...Hmm...but if has to be something nice and confusing. Lets see….” He snaps his fingers “Okay got it, omnivore, with poor eyesight, no strong fangs, and no concept of what edible!” As he spoke a rounded head appeared on the creature, with little ears spaced on either side of its noggin, parallel to its beady little eyes. The muzzle was much shorter than the things he was used to interacting with, and the creature’s pearly whites, although sharp to some degree, weren’t made for ripping apart prey.
“Good, now we’re getting somewhere!” He went on to the creature’s head, frowning and pulling a watering can from nowhere. He sprinkled some water onto the thing’s head until a long, black shock of hair grew.
“Alright now that we got decals out of the way, lets see whats under the hood.” In one swift motion he grabbed his creation’s head and unscrewed the top part of it, setting the hair, ears, eyes and forehead to one side as he feels around inside the skull. He pulls out a keyboard and old, faded screen, both of which were still connected to something deep inside the body of the creature. He began to type furiously on the faded keys.
“Okay lets see...Extreme distrust of anything unfamiliar, but innate curiosity. Holier than thou attitude, low sense of self worth. Oh! Capacity for magic with no way to cast it, thats a wonderful idea. Alright and….hpmph...what next….” He scratched his chin before a light bulb popped into life above his head “Ah! Huge libido but deep rooted feelings of inadequacy.There that should be about it! Ctrl+C, Ctrl+N” A new little blob appeared next to his foot “Ctrl+v” The blob shot up to the same size as his first creation. After he replaced the first’s keyboard, screen and skull he turned to the second and with one snap of his fingers, the creature’s body changed, his features becoming softer, his hair longer, and of course a certain something between his legs disappearing. As the sun set Discord had a whole little colony of his creations, each a little different than the others, about 13 males and 13 females in total.
“Ah there we go, now what to call you….?” Just as he said this an owl in the forest gave out a low hoot.
“Who…?Hu...Human! There we go, you’re all humans!” The Draconequss beamed at their cheers, it had been so long since he had actually pleased someone other than himself.
“Now gather around my little humans, and Papa Discord will tell you all about why the sun and the moon are bad.”
~now~
Discord sighs lazily scooting along the aisles of Canterlot’s library, doing the backstroke through the carpet,the middle of his body submerged while the rest was held up by an inner tube. His lazy swim was interrupted by the delighted squeal from the tower several floors above. The newly reformed Lord of Chaos gave a sigh.
“Oh great, here she comes.” Not wanting a scolding, at least for this, Discord got up out of the carpet and returned it to a solid state, leaving his inner tube in the middle of the aisle dedicated to beach side recreation. A purple blur had made its way into the room by this point, making a beeline to a collection of maps and notes in the center of the room, in a little area marked “Princess Sparkle’s private study, do not enter, that means you Discord.” So naturally Discord followed Twilight in.
“You seem in a rather good mood today Your Highness” He remarks, putting as much emphasis on her title as possible, rolling his eyes. Twilight seemed completely unaware of his snarky tone.
“Yes! Yes I am Discord! Today is off to an amazing start!”
“Oh so Mr. Sentry finally lasted more than 3 seconds then?” He said with a smirk and a raise of his eye brows. As he expected Twilight froze, the blush hitting her cheeks so hard he wouldn’t have been surprised if her horn started steaming.
“I..umm...ah…”She stammers, unable to form a coherent sentence.
“Ah okay, still living up to the name Flash then, got it” Discord chided, floating a few inches behind her.
“So, your boyfriend’s over sensitivity aside, what's got you all worked up?”
Twilight, eager for the change in subject, quickly held up the parchment she had just received.
“The Exploration has made contact! A whole new species of intelligent beings! Can you imagine what sort of things they’ll be able to share with us? The mythology, the technology, the history, ohhh!” She squealed again, clutching the parchment so tightly to her chest that Discord was amazed it wasn’t crying for assistance yet.
“She said they had found 9 islands about 813 miles to the east of Equestria! An-”
“Pardon the interruption, but would these things she found happen to be bipedal, squishy, mostly hairless beasts with an almost obsessive need to stay clothed at all times?”
“Yeah…?” Twilight said slowly.
“Oh wonderful! She found my little humans! I was wondering where I had put them!” Twilight’s jaw hit the floor.
“You mean to tell me, you knew about the discovery of a lifetime and you didn’t think to tell anypony?!”
“Nopony asked” Discord said with a shrug. The slap of Twilight’s hoof hitting her face could be heard throughout the library.