Episode 1: A Chance Encounter
Ponyville was silent. Windows were dark, the shops were closed, and nopony walked the quiet streets. The only light that was on in the little village, aside from the occasional night light, was that of the town librarian, absorbed in her studies. But eventually, even she had to close her books and snuff her candle. As she turned to go to bed, she spared a look at the twinkling stars, just as she always did, and wondered if there might be something out there. Then she blinked her eyes and stifled a yawn, and turned and fell asleep. Nopony was awake.
That's when he fell from the heavens like an angel. And crashed into the shipping company like a large bag of bricks.
He lay there for a few minutes before regaining consciousness, and he immediately regretted it. His everything was in a great amount of pain. To delay the pain that was sure to come with standing up, he reflected for a few moments on what exactly his level of pain was at the moment. After debating for a while between severe and terrible, he finally decided upon excrucionizing, a combination of excruciating and agonizing. He then realized he couldn't put it off any longer. He had to stand up.
It was a long and arduous process, but he finally managed to stagger to his hooves. He ran a quick check over himself. Teeth were fine, brain at full capacity, kidneys were the right color, and both hearts were fully operational, not to mention that the rest of his internal organs were still more or less in the right places.
"Now to check the important stuff," he said to nopony in particular.
He reached a hoof up to his mane and gave it a ruffle. Nice and spiky and messy and short, just like he liked it. He caught a glimpse of it and noted with satisfaction that it was still a dark brown. He then turned and glanced at his tail (short and spiky like his mane) before turning his attention toward his cutie mark. An hourglass with most of the sand still in it's top half, it denoted several aspects of his various occupations. He smiled approvingly toward it, and turned to examine his surroundings.
"Oh, wait, no, one more thing," he said aloud, again speaking to empty room. He reached down and adjusted his favorite green tie. "There we go."
He looked around the dark room, taking in countless details within seconds, before coming to the conclusion that he was in a mail room.
"Huh. Never been in a mail room before. Been nearly everywhere on the planet, and never once thought that I should visit a mail room. Funny how you never notice these things. Those must be the little bins they keep all the letters in, and there's where the send the mail to be delivered, and..." The pony finally noticed that there was nopony to talk to, or rather, to listen to him talk. He was about to leave (through a door that, unknown to him, was actually a broom closet), when a sound caused him to stiffen. The sound of a hoofstep.
He slowly turned and began walking through the room, checking under tables, inside bins, and behind desks. When he found nopony, he began backing towards the exit that was actually a broom closet, his eyes glancing a hundred directions a second.
Suddenly, he felt something touch his tail. He, of course did what any sensible pony would do if his tail was touched by some strange, unknown thing in a dark empty room. He yelled. And ran. Unfortunately, he entirely lost track of the other doors in the room, and ran in a large circle. As he rounded the final corner, he glimpsed a large, grey, and fast object hurtling through the air toward him. Guessing that this was the thing that had touched him, he looked for an exit, but desks were blocking him from jumping out of the way (he did just fall out of the sky, after all). He then decided to turn his fear-inspired jog into a tactical advance. He then proceeded to stop the object with all his might. And his entire body.
**********
One quiet summer day, at about 3 o'clock, in the little town of Ponyville, a mailmare named Derpy Hooves did something that would change her life forever. She lost a package. Now, typically, this would be a bad thing, as this could lead to her getting fired, a pay cut, or even... night shift. However, in order to keep you from feeling anxious, allow me to assure you that she'll be fine. If she survives the talk with her boss.
"Derpy," said Ship Shape, his Manehatten accent altering her name's pronunciation. "What am I's gonna do's witch you?"
She lowered her eyes in shame. At least, Ship thought she did. Her eyes normally pointed in different directions, so it could be hard for him to tell sometimes. But she was sorry, and Ship knew it.
"I'm really sorry Mr. Shape. It won't happen again."
Ship sighed. "Here's the thing, Hooves. You keep sayin' dat, but you keep messin' up. You have da lowest packages-received/packages-delivered ratio out of de entire company!"
Derpy couldn't say anything and just nodded. Ship looked at her and felt his heart melt. She had that effect on ponies.
"Aight, look." Ship took off his cap and rubbed his head. "I had dis whole lecture planned out for you's, but I can tell you's has learned your lesson." Not to mention she has the highest customer approval rating in the entire company, thanks to her sparkling personality. "So I'll give you's one more chance. But screw up again, an' you're outta here, capiche?"
Derpy perked up instantly and flashed her infectious smile as she raised a hoof in salute. "I completely understand sir! I won't let you down sir! thank you so much sir!"
The boss chuckled. "Aight, aight, calm down. I still got bad news."
Derpy faltered a moment. "What do you mean?"
"Youse ain't gettin' off scotch free. Youse is gonna do the night shift tonight."
Derpy groaned. Of all the possible punishments, the night shift was the worst. It entailed staying up all night, completely alone, in the dark office, in case an emergency royal dispatch came in the dead of the night. They never actually got one, but they still had to do it. Somepony had to, and it was apparently Derpy's night.
"Aight, get back to work. An' remember to tell Post Haste you're taking tonight's shift."
Derpy left her boss' s office and returned to the mail room. As she walked back to her desk, she mentally berated herself for losing yet another package. "And Berry looked so disappointed..." she mumbled. Derpy hated disappointing other ponies, particularly her friends. Still, she always made sure to deliver the bad news herself whenever she lost a delivery. She felt she owed them at least that.
Suddenly, disaster struck. As Derpy walked along, she stepped on a stray paper that somepony had carelessly left lying around. this caused her to slip and comically flip upside down into the air. Fortunately, being a Pegasus, she was able to use her wings to stop herself from painfully colliding into the ground. Unfortunately, she was still upside down, and so her natural ditzyness kicked in. She sped around the office in an erratic manner, knocking over piles of paper and generally causing a big mess. Then, she abruptly came to a stop when she slammed into a pony on his way back from the coffee maker. Needless to say, the collision was hot in a non-sexy way.
As these events unfolded, none of her coworkers had even glanced up from their work (aside from the one now covered in coffee, of course). They were used to it. "Danger-prone Derpy", they called her. And yet she always emerged without a scratch. When asked how she managed it, she would simply grin and say that it was the "luck of the Connemara", which just confused ponies, as she was born and raised in Ponyville.
After she had picked herself up and apologized profusely to her co-worker (and fetched him a replacement cup of coffee), she made a beeline for her desk, this time watching where she was going. Once she got there she jotted down a quick note and stuck it in an envelope. Then she turned to Post Haste, whose desk was beside her and said, "Hey, Post."
Post Haste, an Earth Pony mailcolt with curly brown hair looked up from the forms he was working on. "Hey. How'd it go with the boss?"
Derpy shrugged. "Oh, you know. He chewed me out a bit, gave me the whole 'I'll fire you next time' bit, and gave me the night shift. Business as usual."
Post chuckled. As much as Ship Shape complained about the ditzy mailmare, everypony knew he'd never fire her. She was just too... lovable. "So I'm off the hook?"
Derpy nodded. "Yep. Say, could you drop this off at my place later?" She waved the envelope at him. "I obviously can't do it, so if you could just..."
Post took the letter from her. "You betcha, Derpy. Good luck tonight."
Derpy snorted as she turned to get to work sorting. "It's the night shift. Why on Equus would I need luck?"
**********
That night found Derpy sleeping soundly. Nopony would mind, as it was perfectly okay to do so. the reason that nopony wanted to do it was not because the unfortunate pony who got stuck with it had to stay up all night, but rather because they had to sleep alone uncomfortably at the office's front desk. They weren't even allowed to use the packing peanuts as a pillow! Still, that's why it was a punishment.
Derpy was in the middle of a delectable dream about blueberry muffins, when a large crash resounded throughout the building, jolting her out of her chair and into the floor. She picked herself up and looked around blearily.
"Huh? What?" She asked nopony, still feeling quite sleepy. "Sounded like that came from the mail room..."
She shook off her tiredness and stepped quietly to the door to the mail room. She reached out a hoof to open it, but then she heard a voice inside. She couldn't quite make out what it was saying, but it sounded like a Trottingham accent, which was certainly an odd thing to hear in Ponyville. In the dead of night. In the mail room. Right after a loud crash.
Derpy crept into the room as silent as can be. She noticed that there was a large hole in the roof of the building, through which she oddly could not see the stars. That's weird, she thought. I thought we were supposed to have clear skies tonight...
She walked around the perimeter of the room, trying to see through the shadows. When she reached the broom closet, she jumped when she thought she heard something coming from inside. She started backing away from the door, getting more and more scared with each passing second. Suddenly... something touched her tail.
Screaming, she took off through the with her eyes closed shut. She zoomed through the room, bouncing off walls and desks, before finally slamming head on into something soft and warm and covered in fur. She bounced off of it and did a few impressive flips before crashing into the ground. By this time, her eyes had adjusted to the dark, and she could barely make out the form of an Earth Pony lying a few feet from her. She quickly realized that he must have been the one she had crashed into. She rushed to his side.
"OhmygoshI'msosorryareyouokay?" Derpy couldn't stop talking as she helped the stallion to his hooves. He was obviously still a bit dazed.
"Didya get the number of that wagon?" he asked before shaking his head into working properly. "Yes, yes, I'm... I'm fine, thank you."
Derpy dusted him off as they made their way to the center of the room, directly under the whole. He's definitely from Trottingham. I wonder...
"Say, who were you talking to earlier?"
He looked at her in confusion. "What are you talking about? You and I are the only ones in here."
"But I heard you talking earlier and..."
A small grin spread across his face. "Oh, right. Well, I talk to myself sometimes. Nasty habit, I know. But sometimes I'm just so fascinating that I have to listen."
Derpy looked at him oddly, then giggled. "Alright then." She reached out a hoof. "My name is Derpy Hooves. I work here."
The stallion's grin got wider as he reached out and shook her hoof. "You can call me the Doctor. Or Whooves. Or both. Sometimes ponies call me Doctor Whooves, but I personally think that's a bit silly. One thing you shouldn't call me is late!"
He grinned, waiting for a laugh, but Derpy just gave him a confused look. "I don't get it."
The Doctor blinked. "Alright then." He pulled out a pocket watch and stared intently at it. A dark look crossed his face.
Derpy, not noticing this, continued her questions. "So, Doctor, why are you here?"
Replacing his watch with a strange metal rod, he answered without even looking at her. "Isn't it obvious? I'm here because I fell through a hole in the roof." The metal rod started glowing blue and making a high pitched noise. "And to be honest, I'd rather not be here right now," he muttered, almost too quietly for Derpy to hear. Almost.
"What do you mean?"
He looked up from the rod as if he had forgotten Derpy was still there. "You should probably go too. I'm serious when I say we should really get out of here." He turned and began walking towards the broom closet. "Come along then. Let's go."
Derpy reached out a hoof to stop him. "Doctor! Wait!"
The Doctor turned as she yelled, but it was too late. He had opened the door. As a result, a multitude of brooms, mops, buckets, and sponges came tumbling out. Fortunately, the Doctor managed to jump out of the way, avoiding most of the mess, aside from a few stray sponges.
Derpy looked sheepish. "Sorry about that. It's my week to organize the broom closet, and I haven't gotten around to it yet..."
"Er, right then." The Doctor looked around, his face becoming serious. "Then is that door behind you the exit?"
"Yeah, it is." She turned and was surprised to see that it was closed. "That's weird, I thought I left it open. I don't remember crashing into the door..."
"Derpy, look at me." Derpy turned and saw that the Doctor was looking very serious. "Allow me to impress upon you the reason that it's very important that we get out of here. What was the weather forecast for tonight?"
"Clear skies, perfect for stargazing."
"Then why can't we see the stars?"
Derpy looked up and gasped. The hole in the roof was completely filled in with some kind of darkness, obscuring the view beyond. She started to get scared again. "Alright then, I'll just open the door and-"
"I wouldn't do that if I were you."
She turned to look back at the door and her eyes widened. Now the exit was covered in the same darkness. "Doctor, what's happening?"
"Vashta Nerada." She looked at him like he was speaking Germane.
"Vashta Newhat now?"
"Vashta Nerada. Microscopic carnivorous organisms that live nearly everywhere. Can't stand the light, so they stay in the shadows and out of the day." He looked grim as he pulled Derpy away from the door. "Therefore, their name means 'Living Shadows'. It really is odd, though, to see them here. They typically keep to themselves. For them to be keeping us from leaving like this must mean something. But what?"
"Um, Doctor?"
"Yes?"
"They've filled up the room. Didn't you say that they were carnivorous?"
He gulped. "Yes, I believe I did. This is very not good. They don't just want us to not leave, it looks as though they're hungry too."
Derpy looked at him. "So what do we do?"
The Doctor looked around the room to find something to use for an escape. "I, um... Oh! We could- No wait, that's stupid. Why would I even suggest that? Well, what about- No, that's even worse. I suppose I could always- NO! Am I trying to get us killed!? That would never work!"
Derpy stepped closer to the Doctor. "I hate to interrupt the debate, but they're getting closer!"
The Doctor suddenly noticed something poking him in the side. Looked down and noticed that one of Derpy's wings was brushing up against him. "Hold the phone, you're a Pegasus?"
"I'm pretty sure," she replied, getting more and more nervous.
An idea emerged into the Doctor's mind. "Alright, here's the plan." He drew the metal rod back out. "I'll use my screwdriver to temporarily confuse the ones covering the hole. Then you'll fly us both out of here!"
Derpy looked at him, at his "screwdriver", at her wings, and then back at him. "Are you sure about that?"
"Sure," he replied, a grin spreading across his face. "What could possibly go wrong?"
Derpy grinned back, her smile seeming to brighten up the room just a little bit. "Alright then. Hang on for the ride of your life!"
**********
A few moments later, the two were outside, laying on the lawn, trying to catch their breath. With Derpy, it was because she hadn't been that scared in a long time. When they had flown through the Vashta Nerada, it had been completely dark, and there was no sound. She had felt the creatures rubbing against each her, and knew that they could snap out of their confusion at any second and eat her.
In the case of the Doctor, he was scared because that had been the most harrowing flight he'd ever gotten off of. After escaping the cloud of darkness, Derpy had done a few fancy tricks before he had realized that she had her eyes closed. They had eventually crashed into a nearby tree, which they had rolled out of to their present positions.
The two Ponies looked at each other, and burst out laughing at themselves. They both had various twigs and leaves stuck to their fur, and they looked so ridiculous that they couldn't help it. after a good minute of laughing on the ground, they calmed down a bit and got to their hooves.
"So we should-ha-be safe out here, right?" Derpy giggled more a little before quieting down.
As he was about to answer, the Doctor noticed her cutie mark, which was six bubbles of various sizes. He started laughing again when he couldn't figure out what that had to do with the mail. Derpy just rolled her eyes and waited for him to calm down.
"Yes, we should-ha ha ha-be fine out here." The Doctor wiped a tear from his eye. "While the Vashta-hee hee-Nerada love the darkness, they hate the moonlight even more than the sun. They-heh-won't follow us out here, so long as we stay in the open."
"You said earlier that them attacking us must mean something. What did you mean?"
The Doctor regained his composure, though he still looked quite pleased with himself. "Well, the Vashta Nerada are in no way hunters. They typically feed on those already dead, so the fact that they attacked us is amazingly odd. In fact I'd venture to say that they weren't actually in control of themselves."
Derpy's face was that of intense concentration. "So, you're saying... mind control?"
The Doctor grinned. "Exactly! Now then," he picked his screwdriver back out from where he had dropped it during the crash with his mouth. As it started glowing again, he pulled out his pocket watch with his hoof and peered at it. "According to my readings, there is, in fact, a telepathic reading coming from..." he spun around a few times. "That way!"
Derpy turned and looked to where the Doctor had pointed his hoof. She sighed. "Of course. Where else?"
The Doctor looked up from his watch and noticed where he was pointing. "Ah. The Everfree Forest. One of the most dangerous places in Equestria, possibly the world." he turned back to Derpy. "So, coming with?"
Derpy blinked at him. "Excuse me?"
"Are you coming. With me. On an adventure into the big, dark creepy forest from which I shall probably not return." He grinned. "I could use the help."
Derpy looked conflicted. "I don't know. I'm supposed to stay here all night, and-"
"Oh, c'mon!" He placed a lot of emphasis to the last syllable. "I can't let you go back in there! the Vashta Nerada would eat you on sight!"
"But I'm on the night shift! If my boss finds out I left my post-"
"We'll just say that you were on a delivery!" The Doctor lowered his voice to almost a whisper. "It's a once in a lifetime chance, you know. Not everypony gets to go on a big wibbly-wobbly adventure with a dashing stallion."
Derpy giggled. "Alright then, if you insist."
The Doctor laughed with her "Excellent! Come along Hooves, we've got an adventure to go on!"
**********
"...And that's how I saved Hearth's Warming Eve."
The two ponies had been walking for about an hour through the forest, with the Doctor passing the time by regaling his past adventures to Derpy, who had given him her undivided attention.
"That's amazing! So Sandy Claws is really..."
"Yep! Fantastic, isn't it? In fact, it reminds me of this one time I-"
Derpy cleared her throat. "Doctor, you never told me. Why were you in the mail room?"
He looked at her in surprise. "I told you, I fell through the ceiling."
She sighed. "Yes, I know that. But why did you fall through the ceiling."
The Doctor looked nervous. "I, um, well... there's a reasonable explanation, promise."
Derpy looked straight into his eyes. "I don't want the reasonable explanation, I want the real one."
The Doctor sighed. "Alright then, here's the truth." He took a deep breath. "I'm a time-and-space-traveling secret agent working for Her Royal Highness Princess Celestia in order to keep anything from screwing up time, or whenever a situation arises that her ponies are unable to handle on their own. A few minutes before I met you I was in an abandoned spaceship in the atmosphere above Ponyville trying to determine exactly how it got there. Turns out it wasn't actually abandoned, cause' somepony conked me on the head and threw me out. Fortunately, I'm more resilient than your average pony, so I managed to survive the fall. Get it?"
The two had stopped walking sometime in the middle of his explanation, and now Derpy was just staring at him. She blinked a few times and smiled. "Alright then." She started walking again.
Now it was the Doctor's turn to be confused. "Wait, what? No 'that's impossible' or 'you're insane'? Just... 'alright'?"
Derpy giggled. "Sure! I've heard of crazier things. Heck, I've seen crazier things. I'm just happy you didn't say that you're actually a history teacher. That would have been crazy."
The Doctor chuckled along with her. "Well, you're certainly taking this better than... literally every single pony I've ever told that."
Derpy winked at him. "Well, that's because I can see things other ponies can't."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, since you obviously haven't noticed, take a look at my eyes."
The Doctor did. Golden in hue, each of Derpy's eyes looked in different directions at almost all times. After a bit of concentration, she was able to get them both looking at him, but when she blinked, they reverted to their original state. "Actually, I had noticed, but I assumed you just didn't want to talk about it."
"Aw, that's sweet of you. Typically ponies can't resist staring or commenting when they meet me." Derpy continued. "Anyways, my eyes don't just mess up my depth perception. Sometimes I see things that nopony else can."
"Like what?"
"Oh, you know, mostly harmless stuff, like fairies. But sometimes I see... weird stuff."
"Go on..."
"Well, sometimes I see some kind of... distortion in the air. But it's not just the air, it's everything." Her eyes suddenly focused right on the Doctor. "And I could see this distortion on you ever since I met you. I knew you were special."
The Doctor blinked in surprise. "Well that's strange," he thought aloud. "Normal ponies can't normally see wibbly-wobbly distortions in the time vortex. Or the fabric of the universe, for that matter." Then he looked back at Derpy and grinned. "Then again, this just confirms my suspicion that you're hardly a normal pony."
Derpy smiled back. It was like a bright ray of sunshine that warmed the Doctor's heart and made him feel like everything would be alright. Funny, he thought. That's typically my job.
"So, Doctor, are we almost at... wherever it is we're going?"
"Funny you should ask." He whipped his watch out. "According to my readings, the place the signals are emanating from is right across this rickety old bridge."
On the other side, Derpy could barely make out what appeared to be an old castle. "This bridge doesn't really look safe."
"No it doesn't. Maybe we could find another way across..."
"I could always fly you over."
"On the other hoof, I think I'll take my chances with the bridge."
**********
The two stepped quietly into the abandoned castle. Large statues of various legendary ponies lined the walls, the shadows they cast seeming to the frightened ponies like hives of evil. And they weren't far off.
"Derpy, remember. Stay out of the shadows."
The grey Pegasus gulped and nodded. The incident with the Vashta Nerada still fresh in her mind. She jumped as the doors slammed shut behind them.
"Derpy?" The Doctor asked as the doors became covered in darkness.
"Yes Doctor?"
"Run."
The two tore their way through the castle, dashing around corners and jumping over piles of rubble. At some point the Doctor had drawn out his Sonic Screwdriver with his mouth (Derpy had earlier learned it's proper title and various uses on the walk there), and it was buzzing along, it's owner using it to lead them in the proper direction. Derpy, hot on his hooves, saw doors slamming on all sides, and the shadows reached out for them from the walls, desperate to consume her. Fortunately for her, the Vashta Nerada did not have much of a range if they're target is off the ground, so she simply flew above the ground, desperately praying to the Sun and Moon that she didn't have another "klutz-attack", dooming herself and the Doctor.
The two dashed down a long flight of stairs, down a hall of armor and at last into a large oval room with a domed roof that opened to the night sky. The Doctor whirled, slammed the door, and waved his screwdriver at it and the lock clicked shut.
"Will that stop them?" Derpy asked breathlessly.
"Probably not." The Doctor walked past her. "But maybe it will. We're about to find out."
Derpy turned and saw what he was looking at. There was a large futuristic machine in the middle of the room with a satellite dish mounted on top, pointed out the hole in the roof. The Doctor approached the console on it's side.
"Well, if I had to guess-and I really don't have to, because I'm quite sure of myself- I'd say that this," he patted the machine on the side, "is our mind control device."
Derpy tilted her head at it. "Are you sure? I was expecting a Unicorn or something."
The Doctor shook his head. "Nah. It would take an extremely powerful magician to control the Vashta Nerada. Not even Nightmare Moon could control them with magic. Therefor, technology."
Derpy nervously noticed that the room was getting darker. "I don't suppose you can turn it off? Like, now?"
The Doctor punched a few buttons on the machine. "Probably. I may need a few minutes." He looked away from the device. "Why so anxious?"
Derpy wordlessly pointed at the roof. The Doctor looked where she pointed and his grin faded. The hole in the roof was covered in darkness. He turned back to the machine.
"Right, okay then, time for some quick thinking." His hooves flew across the keyboard a mile a minute, and he occasionally pointed his screwdriver at the screen.
"Doctor..."
"I know, I know, I'm hurrying!"
He suddenly stopped. "Oh no."
Derpy's terrified gaze flew onto him. He looked white as a ghost. "What?"
"According to my calculations, if I turn of the device... well, put frankly, we're still going to be eaten."
"You're joking."
He gulped. "I'm afraid not."
Derpy looked around, then an idea occurred to her. "Hey I know! You can turn off the device, then I'll fly us out through the hole like last time!"
He winced when she mentioned flying, and then nervously adjusted his tie. "To be honest Derpy, that plan had a very slim chance of working last time, and it'll be even less likely to work this time, as it mostly worked because of the telepathic wave's interference." He smoothed back his hair, which sprang immediately back into place, "Besides, I would need to turn off the device directly before we go out for that plan to have any chance of working, and even if I used the screwdriver, it'd be out of range."
"Well, what if we used something else in here?"
"Sorry?"
Derpy waved her hoof around her and raised an eyebrow. The Doctor gasped. He had been so preoccupied with the mind control device that he had neglected to take notice that the rest of the room was full of advanced machinery. And right in the middle of it all was...
"A short distance teleporter! Derpy, I could kiss you!"
"Maybe when we're not about to die. I assume it's name makes it something that can get us out of here?"
"Exactly! Only problem is, I don't know where it leads..."
Derpy noticed the shadows converging on them. "Anywhere would be better than here. So can you PLEASE turn off the device?"
"Alright then, into the teleporter!" The two jumped into the device, which was simply a metal platform with another positioned over it, and a button in between on a metal pole that connected them. The Doctor pointed his screwdriver at the mind control machine, when he paused.
"By the way, Derpy?"
"Doctor, can this wait? Because those things are getting closer and-"
"No this can't wait. I need you to push the button on the teleporter the exact moment that I turn off the machine."
"Why?"
"Because we really don't want to get caught in the explosion."
"Oh."
**********
There was a bright flash of light and the two ponies stumbled out of the teleporter into a large metal hallway, both slightly crispy.
"Derpy, when I said the exact moment, I meant THAT EXACT MOMENT."
"I don't know how your little screwdriver works! I thought there'd be some kind of delay!"
"Oh sure, blame the screwdriver! Everypony always blames the screwdriver!" The Doctor picked himself up and adjusted his tie. "Now, where the hay are we?"
Derpy looked around. "I don't think we're in Ponyville anymore..."
"Hah hah," the Doctor muttered as he checked his watch. He soon cheered up. "Well, would you look at that! We're on that ship I was telling you about!"
"The one you fell out of?"
"The one I got thrown out of. There's a difference."
Derpy rolled her eyes. "Alright, fine. So, why did the teleporter lead here?"
The Doctor looked around and started walking in a random direction. "Well, I'd say that this probably means that whoever was controlling the Vashta Nerada is the owner of this ship. So, he needed some way to get from here to there."
"Why not just do it from down here?"
"That's... actually a very good question. I keep asking myself that and I can't think of a good reason, which is never a good sign."
Derpy looked around nervously. "So, is there somepony on board with us?"
They came to a large door. "Let's find out," said the doctor as he used his screwdriver to open the door.
They entered into a massive room with flashing lights and buttons everywhere. There were computer screens everywhere, the largest of which the Doctor made a beeline for, but what drew Derpy's attention was the large window. She trotted over and could only gasp. Splayed before her was the whole of Equestria as she viewed it from Equus' atmosphere. She could see the Canterlot Mountains and the Rainbow Falls, the far-off Appleloosan desert and the great city of Manehatten. And there, right in the center, just beside the mighty Everfree Forest...
"Ponyville." She gasped.
"It's quite the view, isn't it?" The Doctor had walked up beside her without her noticing.
"It's... breathtaking." The Doctor noticed that Derpy's eyes became more focused whenever she was focused. He was about to speak when there was a dinging noise from behind them.
"Ah, that's what I was waiting for!" He ran over to the computer console and scanned the information being brought on the screen. "Nopony else on board, which means I can get to work."
Derpy tore herself away from the view. "What are you trying to do, anyways?"
The Doctor spoke as he typed. "Well, I happened to be in the neighborhood when I noticed some funny readings. I investigated, and to my surprise, I found a spaceship! Well, of course my natural curiosity overcame me, and I had to take a peek around. I was on this computer here when somepony knocked me out and threw me out! And, well, you know what happened after that."
Derpy stepped up next to him. "So, whatever's on this computer..."
"Somepony doesn't want me to see." He said with a few final key presses, and a massive computer lit up with alien symbols. The Doctor's eyes scanned it, and he mouthed an inaudible, "No."
Derpy's eyes peered at the unreadable language and asked, "What's wrong? Can you read it?"
The Doctor stared a few more moments, and then wiped the the computer screen and put on a smile as he turned to Derpy. "Second question first. Yes, I can understand it. Well, kind of. Okay, not really. It's all gibberish, must be some kind of code. And we do not have time to stick around and decode it."
"Why not?"
"Well, I'm pretty sure that whoever owns all that equipment will be rather annoyed that it's all been blown to smithereens. Then what do you think he'll do?"
"Well, he can't come back up here. The teleporter blew up too, right?"
The Doctor looked straight at her and began to laugh nervously. "Well, see, he's probably got a back-up hidden somewhere, so his ship'll be the first place he goes."
"And also." He waved a hoof around at the massive room. "Have you happened to notice how big everything here is?"
Derpy gulped as she slowly began to catch on. "Oh no..."
"Oh yes." The Doctor turned back to the keyboard and typed even faster. "I can't think of any reasonably sized being that would want a ship this big, can you?"
"So... how are we going to escape?"
The Doctor began to laugh for real. "Relax. For once, I planned ahead."
"Does that plan have anything to do with free-falling out of the ship's airlock?"
"Har har. If you must know, I remember exactly where I parked my ship." He put in a few more commands and leaned back in the chair he had sat in. "There we go. Ten minutes to self destruct. It's about a four minutes trot to my ship, so we'll have plenty of time."
Derpy looked confused. "Why are we blowing up the ship, exactly?"
"Well, my reasoning is that any giant creature that parks a giant invisible spaceship over Equestria with coded log entries on board from which he's taken control over the Vashta Nerada can't possibly be good news. Therefore," He clapped his hooves together and grinned like a school colt. "Boom."
"Um, Doctor."
"Yes Derpy?"
"You said you set the self destruct to ten minutes, right?"
"Yep. We've got plenty of time." He spun the chair around a few times.
"So why is the computer counting down from three minutes?"
The Doctor's grin faded as he turned to the computer screen.
"Does this mean more running?"
"Absolutely."
The two dashed out of the room as warning lights came on. They dashed down corridor after corridor, the Doctor opening doors on the go.
"Doctor, are you sure you know where you're going!?"
"Of course I do!" He called back. They stopped in front of a maintenance hatch. "Quickly, in here!"
A little skeptical, Derpy jumped in after the Doctor, to see him opening what can best be described as a blue box.
The Doctor opened the door and called to her. "C'mon then!"
"Your plan is a box!?"
"I'll explain once we're inside. C'mon!"
He disappeared inside, leaving the door open. Derpy followed him and stopped in her tracks.
"Oy, close the door behind you. Don't want any stray explosions following us in." Derpy closed the door speechlessly.
"It's... bigger on the inside."
The Doctor grinned at her as he manipulated a mess of dials, buttons, and other odds and ends on a tall console in the center of the room. The room was mostly spherical in shape, with strange shapes on the walls and walkways around the edge, leading down to a short ditch underneath it all. It was also a mess.
"What is this place?"
The room rocked as the Doctor threw a lever. "Welcome to the TARDIS, Derpy. Stands for Time And Relative Dimension In Space. She's my ship."
The movement stopped. "Go ahead, open up the door."
Derpy opened the door she had just come through to find that she was now standing on the hill outside of Ponyville. Suddenly, there was a massive explosion in the sky above the town.
"And that would be the ship." Said the Doctor as he trotted to her side. "Don't worry about debris. That particular model is designed to disintegrate if it explodes while in a planet's atmosphere. Which it was."
Derpy, however, was not paying attention. She was trotting around the TARDIS, still amazed over the fact that it was bigger on the inside.
The Doctor shook his head and chuckled, and he put out a hoof to stop her. "Alright calm down. There's no trick. It's just a simple pocket dimension stuck inside an enclosed space. Bit like putting a ton of clothes inside an already full suitcase, except not at all."
Derpy stared at him, and just blinked. "Alright then."
The Doctor laughed aloud. "And with that, it's time to get you home."
Derpy raised an eyebrow. "Okay, but first, there's some stuff we need to do..."
**********
"Some stuff" entailed clearing Derpy's absence with her boss. As it turns out, the Doctor had a little piece of blank paper that said whatever he needed it to say. After convincing Ship Shape that he was actually Prince Blueblood ("Why yes, I have gotten a tan. And a manecut. And had my mane dyed. And got a new cutie mark. Yes, that's something royalty can do."), Derpy was forgiven for leaving her post.
After that, "some stuff" was doing the grocery shopping, an experience that proved to be entirely foreign to the Doctor. A few mishaps later, the two flew the TARDIS to just outside Derpy's house, where she deposited the groceries and headed back outside, where the Doctor waited with the TARDIS.
"So," Derpy said, feeling a little sad. "You want to come in? I was going to bake blueberry muffins, and-"
"Nah, I really have to go." The Doctor looked sheepish. "You know, places to go, orders to follow, ponies to save, bad guys to beat."
Derpy nodded. "Alright then. Just remember, if you ever want a friend, my door's always open."
The Doctor flashed a smile. "Thanks. Really. You were wonderful out there."
Derpy blushed. "Oh, don't mention it. It was better than sleeping at that desk all night."
"Right then, see you around."
"Don't forget to visit."
The Doctor turned and got into his TARDIS, shutting the door behind him. A few moments later, there was a loud clanging noise, followed by a series of whooshing sounds as the ship disappeared. And then he was gone.
Derpy sighed, and turned to go back inside her house. She was about to walk in when she heard the whooshing again. She turned around and gasped. The TARDIS was re-materializing before her!
As it quieted down, the Doctor stepped out. "You know, Derpy, I was thinking. The TARDIS here isn't just a spaceship, it's a time machine. We can leave now and be back in time for dinner!" He grinned at her. "Whaddaya say? Comin' with?"
Derpy gaped at him. "Hold on one second," she said as she dashed back inside her house. She jotted down a quick note and left it by the groceries and flew back outside. "Alright, where to?"
The Doctor's grin got wider as he held the door open for her. "That's weird, that's exactly what I was going to say!"
The two laughed as the TARDIS disappeared from the street, leaving only the empty house behind.
**********
A light purple unicorn with a dark purple mane trotted down the streets of Ponyville on her way home. Her cutie mark, three diamonds in a triangle, glittered in the afternoon light. She stopped in front of her home and knocked on the door. To her surprise, there was no answer. She hunted around for the key under the doormat, and face-hoofed when she remembered that nopony locked their doors here. There was literally a zero crime rate.
She let herself in and levitated her school bags onto a chair. "Mom? Mom, are you here?"
As she entered the kitchen, she noticed, the still-bagged groceries on the counter. That's weird, she thought. Mom would never...
Then she noticed the note.
It read:
Sparkler,
I'm going off on an adventure! I don't really have time to go into details, but don't worry, I'll be fine. Pick your sister up from school, and be nice. There's plenty of food in the fridge, so make yourself some muffins. I give you permission to use my cookbooks.
Signed, Derpy
Sparkler could only shake her head. "What have you gotten yourself into this time, Mom?"