{Note: there is a heart song right at the start of this chapter. The two songs used as basis are "What my cutie-mark is telling me" followed by "Justice for all" from turnabout musical.}
{Filraen}
Even without his inside knowledge of Yggdrasil, it was easy for Sleipnir to realize who was Awake and who wasn't by the looks of surprise. Expected really, as most unawake ponies would have expected any of the present Princesses to officiate here. "Hail and well met, all of you," he said to all the guests with his best "divine decree" face. "I am Sleipnir Lokison, Odinsteed, and I have been asked to officiate today."
As the bride and groom walked towards him he started to hear a soft melody almost in the border of his perception, like a single piano piece. Realizing this was a heart-song on the brink of forming, he almost let his ears fold: he didn't particularly like to be part of a musical and much less being in the center of it. But it wasn't like he could really escape or resist: this was Rarity and Spike... Spykoranuvellitar's moment and Sleipnir wasn't going to ruin it.
If his dignity was going to be the price to pay to keep his winning streak on the 'funniest Loop videos' contest by using the wedding recordings, the eight-legged Yggdrasil administrator decided, then so be it.
Good day every....pony, this meeting's under way
we're to celebrate Rarity and Spike's great wedding day.
There's only one annoyance, let's get it over soon:
if there's one who opposes this...
Sleipnir left the note hanging for Celestia to end the verse.
... stand up so I can send you to the moon!
By her side Luna raised a not so delicate eyebrow at her sister. "Why the moon and not the sun?"
"Erm... so I can shield them better." Celestia managed, making a valiant effort to prevent flinching at Luna's insistent gaze. "Don't make that face, I'll bring them back after the party."
Sleipnir coughed once to stop their bickering, though Luna still mumbled something about the moon being her prerogative. The next verse was going to start after all, this time directed to the bride and groom with a bit of help from the audience.
In life we start alone but that`s not meant to be
the love of others is something that can make us really free.
But I'm not here to preach you, I came to hear your vows,
so let us hear (so lets us hear)
what you hearts say...(what your hearts say)
and spread your vow to your
and spread your vow to your
and spread your vow to your love and the worlds.
The music didn't end with Sleipnir singing, he realized. Now he noticed how the song changed into a different tune altogether. As Rarity started to sing, she took the wedding ring from her sister. It was interesting seeing how Rarity's emotions on the heart-song put her on the verge of turning her into an alicorn, but she rode the heart-song herself perfectly without triggering the transformation.
You're no longer the child you were when I met you.
Spykoran, you're my knight, my strength to go through
When the darkness and despair try to hurt without compare
I feel we can safely fly to anywhere.
Diamond Tiara offered a smile to the other looping fillies, and brought the other wedding ring to Spykoranuvellitar just in time for when he started to sing.
Sometimes I doubt myself, "is this everything a dream?"
Having you, who are my whole everything.
You are mine as I am yours, no need for hoarding anymore.
I know precisely what I'm vowing for...
Sleipnir noticed another looper couple, Shining Armor and Mi Amore Cadenza if he remembered correctly, leaning on each other and singing voicelessly while Rarity and Spike put the rings on each other.
I vow for us (Always together)
I vow for caring (time and time again)
A vow through all the ages (we'll always be)
no matter how distant (on each other's side)
And if our paths were separated
Through some awful chance created
We'll always return back home again. (back home again)
The heart-song enraptured everyone’s attention, even the local chaos draconequus Discord seemed calm enough to just take photos. Though Sleipnir noticed how outside the hall the guards were in pursuit of a blond white unicorn in a straitjacket when at an unheard sign both Rarity and Spykoranuvellitar started to sing in duet.
We vow for love
We vow for honor
To our home always be right on each other's side.
And if our lives had reincarnation, our vow would keep its affirmation.
Independent of location, species, race, time or of nation.
No matter what the situation, we will fulfill this obligation,
Through all the complications, sadness, joy and celebration.
For the future of us...
"By the power entrusted to me I declare Spykoranuvellitar and Rarity, husband and wife."
We vow!
Spike's ring, the one made by Diamond Tiara over the course of at least nine loops, flashed like the sun for a moment as the masking spell broke. When that faded, it still looked like a caged ring of light, caught reflected from the surface of a gentle sea.
Rarity had made her own ring for Spike. While it had less of the pyrotechnic splendour of the one Diamond had made, it was somehow, ineffably right.
The band itself was, perhaps predictably, made of Tectonicum. (The sheer amount of time it must have taken to work it was impressive in and of itself.)
Surmounting it was a faceted clear diamond which Rarity had made out of solidified magic – her own. It looked precisely like one of the three blue diamonds which made up her cutie mark.
And within that, shining like a tiny red star, was a heart-shaped piece of Ruby Sunstone.
As the heart-song ended Spike started to say something, but Rarity placed a hoof on his lips. Then, removing it, she kissed him.
Dawn broke, and the clouds parted so that the very first sunbeam into the room fell squarely on the two of them.
“Thank you all,” Spike said, some minutes later, in a slightly raw voice. “It was... everything I'd imagined. Thank you for helping it be.”
Rarity nodded, not trusting herself to speak, but giving each of the many helpers – looper or not – a sincere look in the eyes.
Twilight Sparkle smiled. “We're glad you're happy.” Then she trotted forward, turning to address the room. “The reception's next door. I think we should all give them a little space.”
There was a general rumble of agreement, and ponies and non-ponies started moving towards the doors.
Spike turned back to his- wife, tears starting in his eyes. “I...”
Rarity smiled. “I know. Me too.”
They embraced.
“I'm so glad this happened,” he whispered, clutching her tightly. “The most valuable thing I've ever run into, in any universe, is your heart.”
About ten minutes into the reception, Pinkie Pie hit a glass with a spoon and then climbed onto one of the tables.
“Attention, everypony and every-oneelse!” she said loudly. “I would like to inform you that the kitchens have finished making the real meal, which is in room two – through that wall. Anyone who does not wish to participate in the official unofficial food fight should leave now.”
“Food fight?” someone asked.
Pinkie grinned. “Hay, at least I'm giving you all the option to participate or not.”
Various ponies filed out. Those left included all the Loopers, along with Rarity's father (her mother having decided that Magnum could do this alone).
“Right.” Pinkie picked up one of the custard pies laid out on the tables – which were suspiciously bereft of anything except pies and other such ammunition, in fact. “Let's-”
SPLUT-SPLAT.
Blueberries and custard dripped down her face.
All eyes turned to the happy couple, who were each carrying two more and ready to throw again.
Rarity smiled. “What? Who do you think asked for this? It's only good manners for the host to break the tension at a major event!”
Her husband ducked as a pie from the general direction of Bjorn the Fell-Handed shot towards them at his head height.
Then some sort of torte hit Luna, who retaliated with a meringue, and the culinary carnage became general.
“What's the first piece?” Twilight asked Sweetie quietly. “I mean, they're supposed to dance it alone, and I know they're good, but-”
Sweetie smiled, holding Magic Flute to her lips. “I think they'll like this one.”
Strings began to vibrate from the small Device.
Rarity looked across at Spike. “How do you want to do this? Biped? Quadruped?”
Spike frowned for a moment. “I think a mixture – one of those ones we worked out a while ago. Can you hear that?”
The unicorn perked up her ears. “Oh,” she said, in a voice that brimmed with emotion.
It was concert music, not dance music, and as a general rule one simply did not start with a finale piece. But that didn't matter. And as the finale of the Rebirth of the Phoenix began to swell around them, going from strings alone to horns to drums and flute, and swelling into one of the great triumphal musical pieces, the young-old dragon who was a mage's assistant and the unicorn who had always dreamed of creating beauty simply danced. As they had all those years and loops ago, at the Grand Galloping Gala.
“That was amazing,” Magnum informed his elder daughter absently, as the storm of applause died away. “You seemed more like one- one person, than two.”
The couple looked embarrassed.
“No, don't,” he added, looking a little more on the ball. “I know the feeling – compliments seem strange, sometimes. But it's all true. I take it that piece had some meaning to you?”
“It was the last dance the night she consented to be my girlfriend,” Spike explained.
Rarity chuckled. “As I recall, I asked you.”
“Right. Well, if we're doing things traditionally...” Magnum looked the question at the two of them, and they nodded. “That means I'm to dance with your wife at some point tonight.”
“Why not now?” Rarity asked. “I'm sorry to put it this way, Dad, but I'd really rather get it out of the way and get back to Spike.”
“I know the feeling,” Pearl contributed.
{Richardson}
Rainbow Dash looked around the reception hall with a funny crinkling of her brow in confusion. Somepony was missing, two actually. Well, four someponies who should be there if she knew anything about the personality of one of them. Since they had somehow looped in without replacing Daring Do this time, they had to be free. So where the bark were they?
They weren't by the drink table; just Applejack was there and watching her cider warily. Berry Punch must have been spiking it for Spike again.
None of them had been thrown into the cake. Though one would run screaming from Pinkie as if she would suck out his soul or something. She rarely ever did that at her mega-parties anymore! Not since the MiniParty Incident! Though, on a plus side Blueblood had run from the building after seeing the cake. That had been good. Poor stallion had run right into the battalion of mental health doctors outside, too.
None of them were harassing the mares, which was odd. Two of them at least tried most of the time, and a third one of the quartet could at least hold a nice conversation. This was getting pretty weird. Nothing was going wrong in the reception hall, everypony was behaving themselves, and it was making the frogs of Dash's hooves sweaty and itching like she had just been dropped into one of their novels. She was missing something, and as the unofficial bouncer of the wedding missing something was really starting to sour her mood.
She looked out over the guests and the reception, and frowned. Twilight had gotten with Pinkie and made sure that the guests would be lured away from the 'narratively convenient set of windows' that made up one side of the hall. The windows that Dash stood under, actually. Like straw and poison ivy was anypony going to cause some kind of ruckus by breaking through the windows, 'cause she had a bit of her unicorn magic going to reinforce the windows. Nope, Eenope! Nopony was going to get through them, they'd just bounce off like Pinkie Pie vs. Gravity without wings!
But what in the hay was that noise?
"aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH~!"
One window stood firm against the impact of two bodies against it, reverberating against the stained glass in the painful way that only bodies could. The other window shattered harmlessly by the outstretched hoof of a far more savvy individual, and Captain Jack Sparrow and Commander Cane came screaming through the sudden opening in a high arc as the uniformed stallion clung to his shabbily dressed partner. Wings flailed about as Sparrow tried to make their landing dignified, only for Cane to cling harder and accidentally bring them to a tumbling halt in the wide open space Twilight had left for them. A moment later saw a grappling hook flung through the shattered window (which oddly looked more like crystalline sugar rather than glass) and reeled back to hook upon the windowsill.
Ludicrous Gibbs, Captain Sparrow's second in command was the first to poke his head over the windowsill, followed by Cane's yeoman, Jurgen. The two earth ponies had the good graces to look ashamed as they climbed through to tumble to the floor atop Dash. "Apologizes, one and all. It seems that a rather dreadful fright came upon the Commander when he read the guest list for some reason. Something about the 'God of Laughter' out to eat his soul, or some rot. This was the only way we could get him in the building without him teleporting away from the doors."
Pinkie seemed to almost materialize before the quartet, holding up a flask of something for Jack who gratefully took it. For Cane, she rose up onto her hind legs and hugged him close. The poor Commander 'gleep'ed in terror and froze up as she rubbed his nose. "Candy! Oh I'm so glad to see you again! Oh, I thought I wouldn't, with the way you were always running away, but now I can throw a party for you after this party! C'mon and mingle, nopony will bite!"
Candy Cane twitched a little as he tried to squirm out of Pinkie's grip, which only convinced her to hug him harder as her mane pushed his hat off.
"Mate, mate, Oi! Stop that, you're embarrassing yourself, mate!" Jack hooked a leg around Cane's shoulder, tearing him away from Pinkie in the process. "Matey, we have been invited to the wedding of the... ever, really. Everyone who is anyone anywhere in the multiverse has been invited. And they're all seeing you make a fool of yourself because of one mare. Why, it might even make them think that you're in love with her of all the silly things."
"But-but-"
"Yes, yes. The Eye of Parties, and all that. I know. But really, how many times was that?"
"Three hundred and sixty seven times." Lemon Rush held up a glass of Berry Punch's special punch in a toast to the good Captain.
"See, an utter non-event in the grand scheme of things."
"But Eternal Parties!"
"Not such a bad way to go, mate. I like to try and pretend every single day is an eternal party. Makes life worth living." Jack took his leg off of Cane's shoulders before picking up the Commander's hat and brushing it off for him. Two hooves jammed it down on Cane's head before Jack spun him around with his wings and shoved him towards the bride and groom. "Now go apologize to them for trying to refuse their invitation and for making me make a dramatic entrance."
Dash dusted herself off, shaking out the disorientation of having two stallions land on her. She almost scowled at Gibbs and Jurgen, but stopped as the yeoman pulled an entire broom and dustpan set out of his ever-present saddlebags and smiled in the way that Fluttershy did, squeaks and all before starting to sweep up the mess that had been made. Wait, that hadn't come out of a subspace-no! If she looked into his saddlebags like last time, she'd go crazy again trying to figure it out. Just leave it be!
"Sorry about ruining your record, luv. Poor fellow was beside himself when he got that invitation from Pinkie."
"Oh, uh.... well, okay. Just don't do it again."
"Of course not. I'd have to go outside, away from the beautiful, bountiful rum. I actually wanted to come in through the front door, truth to tell. But it seems that today-"
"No Captain Jack Sparrow jokes."
"Sorry."
Shining stood, to give the first of the customary speeches.
“If I said everything that I feel about this, it'd take all morning and completely ruin my reputation with the trainees. So I'll confine it to a few salient points.
“First, embarrassing stories about the bride and groom. As for the bride, well, allow me to inform you all of an incident when we were taking bids for the tailoring of the guard dress uniforms.”
Rarity started, eyes wide.
“Well, it all started fine, as these things do. But... well, she was halfway through fitting Sergeant Shield into his outfit when my sister came around to ask for her help with a dragon...”
Rarity put her head in her hooves, as the story went on.
It had actually been several loops ago, but she had indeed left the poor sergeant pinned into a dress uniform mid-tailoring session for about five hours. Not one of her prouder moments.
“The poor chap's still a little nervous around pins,” Shining concluded, to chuckles. (As it happened, Shield was sometimes – including this time – a deep-cover changeling, so the version from this loop would know not to contradict the story.)
Then he looked at Spike, and grinned. “As for the groom – I've got several more years to work from with him!”
Spike winced. As he'd half-feared, Shining started with the time a half dozen Stalliongrad notables had hidden behind a convenient pillar at the approach of 'the dragon', before discovering that said dragon was more engrossed in a lollipop, being about aged three at the time.
{Starfata}
Pearl had been listening to the speeches intently, every name she didn't know and every incident she hadn't heard about carefully memorised. In fact, she had been listening so intently that she was shocked when Twilight Velvet gave her a small nod to let her know it was her turn to make a speech.
She didn't let it show as she stood up. "Rarity always had an eye for quality. Even before she got that Cutie Mark of hers. Thing was, she didn't always spend enough time looking. She sometimes gave folks a little too much credit, which isn't a bad thing. But it meant that she got hurt when they proved they didn't deserve it. So, she stopped looking for the good in people to spend more time looking for good gems to go on those dresses of hers."
Pearl nodded to her new son-in-law. "Now I guess she'll be looking for them to feed to you Spike."
There was a smattering of laughter at this.
"Here's to Rarity and her best find yet! May they share many treasures in their life together, literal or not." Pearl finished with a flourish.
Magnum smiled at his daughter when it was his turn.
"I always expected this day would come. Truth be told, I wasn't expecting it to be quite so soon. In a way, that little trick of Discord's was the best and worst thing to happen to me.”
Discord made an ironic little bow. Then tied it onto his goatee.
“My daughter Rarity grew up, from a young mare finding her way in the adult world to a strong woman secure in her standing, with as close a group of friends as her mother and I ever could have dreamed, and a fiancé, now her husband, she's head over hoofs for – and who loves her every bit as much as she loves him.”
“It's everything your mother and I ever wanted for you my darlin'. I just wish we'd been there to see it happening. Still, we're here now. And we'll always be here for you, even though you don't need us as much now."
{Jcogginsa and Filraen, plus several for the messages}
"This is, quite frankly, the most daunting thing I've ever been asked to do, and given my history, that says a lot. Trust me," Twilight began.
She directed the attention of her audience to the couple "Rarity, my friend who I first met at the Summer Sun Celebration what seemed lifetimes ago. Spike, my little brother and number one assistant, whom I hatched myself. I've had so much time to get to know you both in and out of Equestria that I can't believe we've lived through so much. After all this time, I don't know how to put it into words. How could I use words to describe Rarity and her generosity? How could I describe Spike and his Loyalty? These two were family in all but blood to me for years, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Words can't convey what they feel, or what I feel, about this day. They just can't.”
She took a deep breath. “I'm not going to wish you luck because you won't need it, I know you took all the time in the world to make yourselves absolutely sure to make this step. Just follow your hearts and I know you'll have a wonderful life together."
During the customary applause, however, Twilight didn't move from her place, and by the time the stomping ended Twilight had produced a scroll. "By the way, I have some messages from some ponies who couldn't make it today:
"'Rarity, I hope you've been fine. Knowing someone like us who was going to have a real wedding was the biggest surprises I've had in a lot of time. So, in the case I can't get to the wedding: I know I'm going to be in a few universes' worth of trouble when, not if, the knowledge of your wedding spreads... so you better share a good time as a married couple so at least I know it's in part worth it. You and Equestria deserve it. Hoping to see you again, Ranma "Rapid Hooves" Saotome.'
"'Rarity, Spike. I never in a thousand years thought you two were going to have a get married but I'm glad you found happiness on each other. Now we're going to get our Wild Horse, so wish us luck. Best of wishes, Nanoha "Starlight Breaker" Takamachi.'"
"When I saw you I knew I didn't need to do anything to get you together. In fact, I based a few plans around it. Love each other always. Tea's Tech."
"Your passion is pure and strong, so...." Twilight sighed, facehooving. "...have loads of mindblowing sex for me. Signed Wild Temptress, Pinkie's brother on the throne." Also known as Slaanesh, but...
Various eyes turned to the pink mare, who shrugged awkwardly. "It's a long story."
{Dalxein}
Big Mac stood when the first speeches were done, and the floor opened to general speakers. Clearing his throat, he started. "Well, for as long as I've known the two of yeh, you've both been generous, kind, loyal and at least when yer' not prankin' some poor sap, honest, with everypony ya met." This was met with sheepish chuckles. "That said, whenever ah see the two of yeh together, there's always laughter and joy. Always some kind of magic. Ah figure the both of yeh have enough Harmony to last as long as yeh'd like it to."
{misterq}
Pinkie Pie bounced up in front of the happy couple.
She gave a big grin and started, "I'm not that great with speeches, since I know I tend to ramble on and on a little bit, sometimes, often, most every single time. So I think what I want to say to you both can be best summed up with the following interpretive dance."
Then Pinkie sat on her haunches, smiled at her friends, shook a little; then suddenly took off upwards like a glitter-trailing rocket. A hundred feet in the air, a wave of brightly colored confetti exploded outwards from her like a firework.
While the little paper streamers fell, Pinkie simply ignored gravity and stayed up in the air. Then she pulsed once with pink magic and exploding again with far more intensity. A wave of pink magic spread out from the pony-shaped epicentre. Wherever it passed, balloons and streamers appeared and lazily made their way down. Fancy customized party hats fell onto the heads of every party goer.
Ciaphas took off his and stared at it. If there had been a legion composed entirely of silly children's party clowns, this would be the hat their commissar would wear. With a long sigh, he placed it back firmly on his head.
Pinkie, still suspended in midair, folded herself into an almost ball shape, and then exploded for a record third time. The pink burst of light was a blinding flash. When all eyes managed to re-adjust, there on the plates in front of them was each attendee's favourite desert in cupcake or tart size.
With that, the pink pony slowly floated down to the ground. "Congratulations, you two!" she shouted right before a twenty one party cannon salute went off, sending one final burst of confetti into the air. Pinkie gave the happy couple a curtsey and a little bow towards the rest of the audience. She started to make her way back to her seat, but stopped mid-step and seemingly vanished – only to reappear between Spike and Rarity.
"Silly me. Almost forgot to do this!" Pinkie said and pulled them both into a big hug.
{Masterweaver}
The strange ape creature walked up to the podium. "Greetings Equestrians! You all may know me as that weird monster that the drunk brought home! But my name is Jenny Everywhere."
There was a smattering of awkward chuckles.
"I first met Rarity and Spike while I was jumping across realities. Yes, I can do that, for some reason." Jenny shrugged. "I can't always control exactly where I land, though. It's been... oh, I don't know how long since I've seen my own home. I don't know if I'll ever see it again. So when I stumbled across other creatures that had been flung out of their reality, even ones that looked as fanciful as you lot do – I swear I had toys when I was a little girl that looked just like you, really! Well, I decided to hook up with them."
She swirled her drink. "Over the course of twelve years we all had so many experiences, good, bad, dangerous, dull... and all the ponies would talk about Equestria. And I figured, if I never found my own home, this might be a good enough place to settle down. Today, though, I've realized something. It's not the land that makes this world great. It's the ponies, the dragons, the griffons... the people. And of those people, I can say without a doubt that Rarity and Spike here, they are amongst the greatest of your paragons. Not perfect – who is? But they get so close that you forget it sometimes. And when they're working together, I just... wow. Just wow, ponyfriends. WOW."
Jenny lifted her glass. "You two, I'm not going to wish you a happy ending. I don't believe in endings. They're just kaput, and that's it. I'm going to wish you a long life together, in love and harmony and whatnot. Live for each other, Rarity and Spike, and show Equestria just what it can become. Huzzah! And... yeah, okay, I suck at speeches, next please!"
Discord stood. “They beat me at my own game.”
He sat down again.
On seeing some exasperated looks, he shrugged. “What? You're lucky I'm behaving at all.”
{Masterweaver}
"Let me start off by saying I have the best spy network in Equestria." Chrysalis smirked at the crowd. "It takes training to spot a changeling, we have a hive mind, and I know that at least ten of my subjects are here right now."
There was suspicious muttering and furtive glances.
"So, I can say positively that I know exactly how Spike and Rarity lived their lives, before and after the portal incident. These two are some of the best individuals I know, not because they were born that way but because they crafted themselves into wonderful ponies. And as a creature that feeds off love, I can tell you that... well, even with my thousands of children, we're going to be well fed for a week. To Rarity and Spike, true wonders of the world!"
{Stainless Steel Fox}
Applejack took her turn. "I ain't much for speechifyin' but friends like Rarity and Spike deserve my best effort."
She looked over at the radiant bride. "Rarity, we don't always see eye to eye, and that's fine, because we're friends anyway. But two things I reckon I can get behind. First, it'd take a stallion in a million to be worthy of some-pony like you; luckily, that's what you found, even if he ain't a stallion. Second, you both deserve all the happiness each of you can bring the other."
Then she turned to Spike. "As for you, Spike, little buddy, I still remember all that time ago when Rarity was kidnapped by Diamond Dogs, and you were there fantisizing about rescuing her like a knight on Shining Armour..." There were chuckles from a few guests, and a giggle from Cadence as she snuggled up against her husband. "... I remember I told you to 'Whoa there, lover-boy!'. Back then I figured you were just having crazy dreams, but it looks like dreams can come true, if you work hard enough at them. I won't say I hope and pray that this is everyting you dreamed and wished for, because I know for plumb certain that it's gonna be. So, I just want to say, 'Go there, lover-boy!'"
"May your life together be everything you want it to be, because it couldn't happen to two finer people."
{Masterweaver}
Fluttershy got up to the podium. "Um. Well. Here it is. All I have to say is... it's about time you two!"
{Filraen}
After Fluttershy ended her speech a small white figure poked her foreleg. The pegasus looked down to see it was Angel bunny who was holding an envelope towards her.
"What is it, Angel? Do you have a speech for me to read?"
The white rabbit nodded.
"Sure," the pegasus took the letter from Angel and started to read. "Spike, you owe me fifteen bits."
As laughs sounded around the hall and Spike faceclawed, Fluttershy looked Angel with a questioning look. The rabbit just made a gesture encouraging her to continue.
"You bet you'd teach me that card trick of yours before your wedding," Fluttershy continued as Angel smirked towards the groom, "and I can't think on any better way to win a bet. Congratulations you two and be happy."
After Spike and Angel nodded once to each other both Fluttershy and Angel stepped down for the next speech.
Sweetie Belle hesitantly took the stand. “Okay. First thing I have to say is, I'm really happy for my sis. I may not have spent as much time as I'd like to have with her – especially because of... you know... but I can tell that he makes you really happy.”
She nodded. “That's what's important about this, as I understand it.”
“Anyway. Spike, take care of my sis, and... oh, who am I kidding.” She pointed grandiosely towards the dragon. “Coolest. Brother in law. Ever!”
With the soft sound of paws, a large wolf walked gently up to the front.
“I'll admit that I don't know Rarity as well as I really should,” she began, softly. “But I do know Spike. And I'm sorry to perhaps put a damper on things, but... it's something people should know – because it shows in a way that really matters how good he is.”
She took a breath, then continued. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “Without going into all the sordid details, he was instrumental in saving me from suicide – because he was there, and because he went out of his way to help, and because he was so careful to avoid pushing me further in a way that might go wrong.”
There was nearly complete silence in the room as she raised a paw, and pointed directly at Rarity. “You are one lucky pony, Rarity. And I only wish I knew you well enough to say how lucky I'm sure Spike is, too.”
From the memoirs of Ciaphas “Candy” Cain, Hero of the Imperium.
When I discovered that, despite my best precautions, I had ended up within close proximity of the very being I had been so assiduously avoiding for the last two years, Pinkamena Pie, I will freely confess that my legs turned to water and my first instinct was to run like there was artillery coming in.
Nevertheless, on sighting the presence of Lord Russ, I eventually recovered myself with the sure knowledge that, at least, any damnation that occurred would be technically his fault.
So I kept to myself, out at the periphery of the wedding reception, for the most part. Jurgen was invaluable in the assistance he provided, largely in that he supplied me with the really rather excellent wine that had been laid on while staying close enough that I was within his comforting – though somewhat malodorous – aura.
But, duty calls us all before the Golden Throne in time (though not me if I can help it), and so I eventually found myself called to the main podium to give a speech.
I had to draw on my not considerable reserve of knowledge about the happy couple, and my not inconsiderable reserve of platitudes, to compose a hasty peroration which would hopefully mean that I was at least allowed to have continued access to the wine.
“Assembled gentles all,” I began, turning to walk to one end of the small stage, “I have seen many strange sights in my time, and not a few battlefields. I have seen the great and the terrible that all sentient beings are capable of – along with that small contribution made by my own humble self.”
Frankly, the only contribution I had made to the universe as a whole was some trenchant food criticism and a lot of not dying. But, as ever, my pretence of modesty fed the already inflated opinion of me that most of the audience held, proving once and for all that cynicism applies equally to the actions of man and xeno.
“It would not be fair for me to say that I have a basis for comparison between my own experiences and those which these two will soon face,”{1} for if nothing else weddings are somewhat rare on battlefields, “but nevertheless it seems to me that what is well begun is half done, and this beginning to a marriage is a good sign for the future. May you both have the best of luck, many years together, and hopefully spend relatively few of them in mortal fear for your life.” I paused, to let the words sink in. “If you do, you'll be one up on me.”
That awoke laughter in the crowd, though once more I was completely sincere.
“Not bad, Ciaphas,” Lord Russ commented to me as I returned to my place. “Or is it Candy?”
I shrugged, still somewhat awkward talking with one of the children of the Emperor himself, even after so long – especially when the Child of the Emperor is nine years old and a bright yellow pony.
“Ah, Commissar,” Jurgen said, trotting smartly over. “I managed to locate some of the local reserve whiskey – you might find it of interest.”
I took the bottle. “Thank you, Jurgen,” I replied automatically, pouring myself a generous measure – then stopped, noticing a label hanging about the neck of the bottle.
In black hand – hoof? - writing on a bright pink card, it read:
Sorry for scaring you!
The question of what, precisely, to do with the bottle's contents took me several agonising minutes to resolve.
{1: Liar. - Amberley.}
Trixie took the podium. “My speech is as follows!”
Applejack tensed up.
“Trixie first met Rarity in... a somewhat less than promising manner,” Trixie admitted. “And did not encounter Spike until after Discord's incident. But nevertheless, she is able to see quality when she sees it.” An embarrassed cough. “Eventually. So, in the vein of a unique conclusion to a speech – something I understand to be important:”
She paused, dramatically.
“Look out the window.”
They did.
There was nothing there.
When they turned back to Trixie, she was shaking a watch. “Ah. It appears Trixie's watch is fast. Now look out the window!”
They did again.
For a moment, there was nothing. Then colourful explosions and lights blossomed across much of the sky, spelling out a message in firey letters.
CONGRATULATIONS AND GOOD LUCK!
{Elmagnifico}
The letters hung there for a moment before being broken by an explosion of prismatic light, which scattered the fireworks into spirals and backcurrents of pyrotechnic art.
Rainbow Dash, accompanied by her trademark contrail, arrived in the wake of the flash through a conveniently-open window. She did a perfect two-point landing, coming to a screeching halt in what the more physically savvy onlookers figured must be a violation of some law of motion, and pivoted.
She held one hoof up, indicating the happy couple. Behind her, the distant display was still playing out, with six wedge-shaped contrails of clean air cutting into it, until the roiling mass of rainbow and fire was shaped into a new series of letters.
Before any in the audience could figure out who or what they were supposed to pay attention to, the sound arrived.
It could have just been the acoustics of the chamber, or it might have been some crazily advanced pegasus magic. It might even have been everyone's imagination.
What the assembled beings got out of the incredibly loud detonation, however, was "WHO'S AWESOME? YOU'RE AWESOME!"
Satisfied her message had been delivered, Rainbow Dash turned and pointed at the now-fully-formed message made from her sonic rainboom, highlighted by the approaching Wonderbolts. The rapidly-dissipating mix of rainbow and explosive energy clearly said "From all of us". And, while the grand majority of eyes were on the sky, two blue hooves bumped, and a unicorn and pegasus winked at each other.
Definitely 20% cooler.
Celestia cleared her throat. “Right. Well... as an alicorn, I have a long memory, and have seen many ponies grow and change – but Spykoranuvellitar is the dragon for whom I can say that I have seen the same. Spike, I remember your birth. I remember seeing you go off to Ponyville, and I remember the letter Twilight sent about her time there which mentioned the crush you had on a certain unicorn. I am sad that I do not remember all of the time in which you grew, and in which you and Rarity came to truly love one another. That is the only regret I have on this day.”
She paused. “And Rarity? Do take good care of him.”
{Kris Overstreet}
"I thought we all agreed," Rarity said, "nothing extravagant for presents. Simple household wares would be more than sufficient."
"But it's a toaster!" Applebloom insisted.
"Darling, it's a flamethrower," Rarity smiled. "I just got one of those."
Spike ignored the crack, admiring the sleek wand and the well-polished flame reflector around the tip. "Don't mind her," he said. "I love it!"
"I made it myself!" Applebloom grinned.
"Aw, darn it," Sweetie Belle pouted. "I got you a toaster, too."
Rarity unwrapped the gift in question and stared for a moment. "Sweetie, that's an adjustable-output pony-portable plasma anti-tank cannon."
"It has a 'toast' setting," Sweetie said. "It's in between 'sunburn' and 'political protest.'"
There was a crunch of cardboard and wrapping paper.
"Oh, dear me!" Celestia giggled. "I'm ever so clumsy, I'm afraid I just stepped on my gift for you! I'll just return it and bring you a replacement after your honeymoon."
Rarity raised an eyebrow. "May we ask what it was, Your Highness?"
"A blender," Celestia said just a little too quickly. "Definitely not a toaster." And definitely not a small magic-powered sun with a million years' worth of fusible hydrogen built in.
"Aw, I bought a blender too," Scootaloo muttered, leaning against a jumbled mass of wrapping paper three times her size. It was shaped suspiciously like a rotary multi-barrel cannon.
{FanOfMostEverything, Gym Quirk}
"I got you a salad shooter!" Pinkie produced... something out of her mane.
"Oh, uh, thank you, Pinkie." Rarity took hold of the... gift in her magic and contemplated it. It appeared to be the cheeriest firearm imaginable, from the daisy on the pink stock to the smile decals on the unusually wide barrel. More than anything, it looked like a hoofheld party cannon.
"It's a hoofheld party cannon! I call it a funderbuss. You can shoot salads, jewels, dresses, just about anything that can fit, really."
"I... see." Rarity opened the breech. "Oh, thank larch, it's unloaded." It was also much larger on the inside.
Pinkie shuffled her hooves. "I'd have gotten something better, but you both already seem so happy, I couldn't think of any way to make you even happier."
Spike smiled. "It's perfect, Pinkie, really." Rarity nodded.
Yet another hug followed.
Then Pinkie's eyes widened. “Oh! Oh! Because I wanted to be sure I didn't make this a not-party, I brought extra things! Here, have a cutlery set!”
"Pinkie, dear? About this cutlery set..."
"Yeeesssssss?"
"I could be mistaken, but isn't that the Sword of Kahless?"
"Might be..."
"And the paring knife bears a striking resemblance to Orcrist..."
"Hmmm...I guess if you look at it just right..."
"Also, Spike already has a lightsaber. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure he has three."
"But this one's multi-spectral with variable-length blade control..."
{elmagnifico}
Macintosh looked on as Spike and Rarity opened his gift, his coat reddening as they did.
"Sorry fer gettin' th' same thing as everyone else. Ah guess ah figured ya'll needed a toaster."
It was, in fact, a toaster. A small, silver box with two slots in the top and a standard thaum-plug with adapter for traditional electricity.
Whilst Rarity was starting on the next gift, Mac grabbed Spike to the side. His whisper was barely audible over the ambient chatter.
"There's also a barrel of a lil' somethin'-somethin' me an' Berry whipped up situated behind th' barn ifn' y' want to come by and pick it up later."
A melodious vocalization made the both of them blanch.
"I heard thaaaaaaaaaat!”
{Masterweaver}
Chrysalis trotted up to Rarity with a smile. "I would have given this to you earlier, but I know how... sensitive you are about these things." She produced a thick tome. "Volume one of five."
Rarity glanced at the title and blushed furiously, quickly stuffing the book into her own subspace pocket. "Um. Thank you dear, I... um."
{Detective Ethan Redfield}
And then they came to Discord's present. It was long, mostly rectangular shaped. Rarity eyed it warily as Spike tore open the paper. There was a moment of stunned silence. Twilight's mouth gaped, "This...what?"
Discord's grin was so wide it could span the Grand Canyon, "Do you like it? I even had it made out of diamonds!"
Rarity tilted her head in confusion, "Discord, it's a door...with a doorknob attached."
Discord shook his head, sending chocolate frogs everywhere, "Put it against a wall and open the door."
Spike placed the door against the wall behind the gift table and twisted the door knob. Somehow, it hung in the middle of the air and opened to a pocket dimension. Spike's eyes widened as he gazed in, countless monuments from variant loops inside. Rarity also looked inside and gasped. A few seconds later, they turned around, Rarity speaking first with a wry grin, "The statue of Neighborty shaped like me was a nice touch. But why did you put it next to the chicken farm instead of the pyramids of Appleloosa?"
{Starfata}
Nyx strutted forward, ignoring the 'awws' from everyone still watching. Filly alicorns inspired them even more than regular fillies, she was almost used to it.
"As Princess, we have decided to gift the happy couple with this." Nyx said, holding out a box. "A super hot cocoa fixture kit from myself and Princess Luna. We hope that it suits both your palates, as Princess Luna added a vial of unknown substance for Spike."
Apple Bloom pushed a cart forward, a lumpy shape in the middle covered by tarp. "This here is from the Cutie Mark Crusaders – though ah think Scoots had somethin' else..." She dropped a small curtsey in the court style, earning almost as many 'how cute!'s' as Nyx had. "We hope you like it. Turns out, none of us had a sculpting Cutie Mark."
The couple shared a wary glance, before Apple Bloom unveiled the sculpture with a sharp pull on the tarp.
Spike stared at the item underneath. "Is that..."
"A model of Beauty and Beast's Castle made of fossilised tree resin? Yep. The sap didn't work right, so we came up with a plan B." Apple Bloom nodded. Apple Jack had loaned her the movie after she'd made her first working VHS player.
{Masterweaver}
As the airship floated away, Rarity tossed the bouquet overboard. Dozens of mares leapt for it, but it suddenly shot up, split in two, and zipped to the back of the crowd. A very surprised Chrysalis and Trixie stared at the flowers now behind each other's ears.
Twilight glanced at their growing blushes, before giving Cadance a flat look. "I should never have shown you that invisible magic trick."
Cadance smiled as the airship went over the horizon.
Well... smile was, to put it mildly, an understatement. Her lips were parted, the corners curled upward, and her eyes wide with an amount of bliss that would be disturbing even on Pinkies face.
Shining noticed she had gone completely still. "Um.... Dear? You all right?"
"...........eeeeeee......"
Twilight's ears perked, her own eyes snapping wide as her horn glowed. A thick magical shield appeared around the pink alicorn just before she opened her mouth, reverberating as the bearer of magic fought to keep it contained.
"Sis, what's going on here?!"
"I've seen this before sometimes!" Twilight managed, wincing. "It's called cutie mark overload--augh! Shining, help me power this! She'll deafen everypony if it snaps!"
The stallion complied, pouring his own magic into the shield. "Cutie mark overload? I've never heard of that!"
"Just... basically, picture doing your special talent so well that you're overcome by ultimate euphoria. Most of the time it just results in fainting, but this was a big wedding and Cadance is an alicorn."
By now, the pink pony was frothing at the mouth as she jumped for joy, still within the shield. Shining sighed. "I should have seen this coming, is there anything we can do?"
"Keep her contained until she's unconscious. When she wakes up, she'll be really happy." Twilight sighed. "After you've got her calmed you should probably report to a doctor..."
“Nearly time,” Spike said quietly.
“I know.” Rarity glanced up at the clock on the dresser. “Only a few minutes left.”
She snuggled deeper into his arms.
“I don't want it to end,” she said eventually. “It's official, this time. And next time it's back to sneaking around and keeping it quiet.”
“Well, we can enjoy the fused loops at least,” Spike volunteered. “Nothing to stop us there.”
“I know, it's just-” she broke off. “It's... you know.”
“It feels like such a short time.” Spike nodded, flicking the covers the rest of the way off their bed with his tail. “And it is. But we've got a lot of short times together from now, love. It'll add up.”
Rarity sighed.
Spike eyed the clock. “About thirty seconds.”
“Don't, please,” Rarity pleaded.
“Alright.” He put his arms more tightly around her.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you too,” she replied with a fierce passion.
There was a lurch-
“...huh?” Spike said, several seconds later. “Did something go wrong?”
“Don't know,” Rarity mumbled.
He shifted his weight, trying to get up, and Rarity made a displeased noise.
“Wait a second,” he said, eyes fixed on the clock. “That's changed.”
“Pardon?” Rarity relinquished her grip, shaking her head, and followed his gaze.
It was at least two hours back from when they'd last seen it.
“There's something under it, look...” she pointed out, and lit her horn to bring it down.
When Spike plucked it out of the air, it turned out to be a plain white card.
You're welcome.
-Loki, Sleipnir, Hel, Fenris and Jormugandr.
“Aren't most of those Sleipnir's family?” Rarity asked.
“Er...” Spike ventured, nervously. “Did you Ascend last night?”
“No,” Rarity said slowly, her wings moving slightly as she noticed their presence. “What's going-”
Loop memories settled.
“...I have to admit,” King Spykoranuvellitar the Just said distantly, “...that's one hay of a wedding gift...”
Queen Rarity the Wise blinked. “Oh. Oh.”
“Well, you said it was too soon,” Spike ventured. “How does another twelve hundred years sound?”
Rarity reached into her Pocket and materialized her wedding ring, motioning for Spike to do the same. “Marvellous, darling.”