//------------------------------//
// Lord of the Wings 
// Story: Friendship is Epic - Book 1: My Big Flare (COMPLETE REMAKE) 
// by FlareGun45 
//------------------------------//

Two days have gone by since I helped out the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Over at my house, I was vacuuming the carpet in my bedroom. I was also listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers on my Ipod while I was cleaning. I was dancing like a maniac and using the vacuum as a guitar. Three of my fish (Rainbow, Dorthey, and Darrel) were looking at me like I was crazy. I eventually saw them look at me like that.

"What?" I asked the fish with a concerned look on his face. "You think I'm crazy or something? Serious face." 

The fish looked at eachother and nodded their heads yes. My yoyo loach and albino catfish (Yoyo and Piddles) were holding out knives and forks, hinting that they're hungry, even though I don't remember putting miniature knives and forks into the fish tank. My white molly, Pearl, swam to me holding her nose and pointed to Yoyo. Yoyo shook his head no and pointed to Piddles.

"Don't worry guys; I'll feed you and clean the tank later. I'm just vacuuming the floor right now." I said, but just then, the doorbell rang, so I walked over to the door and opened it, and guess who it was? The only one that ever comes and sees me really: Spike.

"Sup brah?" I asked, holding out my hoof.

"Wuss up?" Spike asked giving me a bro-hoof.

"I was just doing my Sunday chores. I was just vacuuming, and then I need to clean out the fish tank. Pearl says Yoyo is stinky, but Yoyo says Piddles is stinky, and Darrel, Rainbow and Dorthey think I'm crazy after dancing around with the vacuum cleaner." I explained as I gave an embarrassing smile and squeed.

Spike gave me a confused look. "Ooooooookay." he said. "So did you hear the news?"

"The news that Pinkie Pie is hosting a party for Rainbow Dash's turtle? Yeah, I know; I was going to head over there as soon as I was done here." I said.

"No, not that, and technically Tank's a tortoise." Spike corrected me.

"Yeah, I know, I heard enough of that from Flutters." I said.

Just then, Spike takes out a flyer and shows it to me, and then he said; "Lord Thorn is coming to town!"

“Wait a second, Lord Thorn? The great movie prop collector?” I asked.

“You got it! He’s coming to Ponyville later today to sell his collection!” Spike said excitedly.

“Oh yeah. Isn’t it amazing that you buy random props from random movies, and then you randomly sell them to random ponies in random towns?” I asked.

“I guess so. We should take a look at our savings, and maybe we can afford one of the movie props, but my suggestion: only the best movie prop in the world we should own.” Spike suggested.

“I hope he’s selling one ‘forgetting devices’ from the movie: Stallions in Black. I’ll need one of those!” I said. 

A cutaway shows me delivering a pizza to Rainbowshine at her house. I rang the doorbell and Rainbowshine opens it. “Here you are, Rainbowshine: a large haystack pine pizza with the works, garlic rolls on the side, and a large 2-liter Parasprite.”

“Since when did I order a pizza? I already had lunch at your shop today.” Rainbowshine corrected me. Just then, I took out the Neuralyzer from Stallions (Men) in Black, and flashed it on Rainbowshine’s face. 

“Here you are, Rainbowshine: a large haystack pine pizza with the works, garlic rolls on the side, and a large 2-liter Parasprite.” I repeated.

“Really? I thought I ordered a Dr. Hooves with it?” Rainbowshine asked.

“You ordered a Parasprite.” I corrected her.

“That doesn’t seem right.” Rainbowshine said. “I thought I always order a Doc-“

“YOU ORDERED A PARASPRITE!” I yelled.

“Ok, now it seems I don’t even remember ordering a pizza at all today! In fact, I probably already eaten at your shop.” Rainbowshine said as she burps. “I tasted pizza in that burp.” I used the Neuralyzer on her again.

"Here you are, Rainbowshine: a large haystack pine pizza with the works, garlic rolls on the side, and a large 2-liter Dr. Hooves.” I said.

“Cool, but why does that bottle say Parasprite?” Rainbowshine asked.

“Look, I really D-K, I don’t even remember why I’m here.” I said.

“Aren’t you delievering a pizza to me?” Rainbowshine asked.

“Oh yeah, what do you know? Why do I have a ‘forgetting device’ from Stallions in Black? I don’t even remember getting it.” I said. “Oh dang it, I forgot to put on the sunglasses! I can’t remember a thing!” The cutaway ends.

"Alright! Let me finish my chores and I'll meet you at the place where the sale is taking place. Oh I rhymed!" I said excitedly. "I like rhyming. Rhyming is fun!"

“Don’t take too long.” Spike said.

“Don’t take too short.” I said.

“What?” Spike asked.

“Aren’t you a midget dragon?” I asked.

“A what?” Spike asked.

“A midget dragon. Little dragons, like little ponies.” I explained.

“No, I’m a baby dragon, or actually a school-aged dragon.” Spike said.

“So why don’t you go to school?” I asked.

“Twilight teaches me.” Spike said. “Besides, I’m not that social around other fillies.”

“So I’ve been hanging out with a kid?” I asked.

“Yeah, pretty much.” Spike nodded.

“I suppose that would explain why the ponies around town look at me funny when I hold your claw.” I said.

“I need somepony to hold my claw when I cross the street. I don’t want to accidentally trip over and take awhile getting up when there’s a carriage coming right at me.” Spike explained.

“There are hardly any carriages in this town. Everywhere is walking distance.” I said. “Besides, who needs carriages? Carriages involve walking anyway. I don’t even know why we have them.”

Later, Spike and I went over to Town Square where a bunch of geeky ponies gather around to meet with Lord Thorn. I looked around,  and saw all the geeky ponies and I asked Spike, “Since when did Ponyville have so many geeky ponies?”

“We don’t normally. These nerds must be so desperate for these supplies, they’re traveling all over Equestria for them.” Spike said.

“Wow. LAWL, sad.” I chuckled.

“Are we nerdy?” Spike asked.

“We’re not following this dude around; we’re just getting what we can get now, and then we’ll buy other supplies if he decides to come back.” I said.

“Ah’m hopin’ he has the golf club Christopher McDonald used in Happy Gilmore, as well as Julie Bowen’s wig.” A pony next to me said. The pony next to me was orange, and was dressed a lot like the red engineer from Team Fortress 2.



“Hey, brah, nice TF2 cosplay!” I complimented his outfit.

“Cosplay? What cosplay?” the engineer asked.

“That one; the one you’re wearing.” I said.

“Ah wear this outfit all the time.” The engineer said.

“Oh, alright. I like your style, brah!” I said.

“Thanks, partner! Like yours too!” the engineer said.

“What’s with the engineer cosplay?” Spike asked.

“He said it isn’t a cosplay.” I said to him.

“Seems rather odd, but who cares?” Spike asked. Just then, the trailer in the middle of town that belonged to Lord Thorn opens, and as house music was playing in the background, and fog came out of the door, the shadow behind the fog begun to step out of the trailer, and it was revealed to be the one and only: Lord Thorn! Lord Thorn was pretty catchy with his outfit. He was a lime green pony, and wears a white and blue stripe jumpsuit, and a freaky orange spiked mane.



“Yo, Ponyville! Lord Thorn here with all the cool junk from the most popular movies of all time!” Lord Thorn yelled out, and all the nerds (and some other ponies) in the background cheered. 

“WE LOVE YOU, LORD THORN!” a hipster mare yelled out.

“And I love you, random pony!” Lord Thorn said to her, and the mare faints in excitement.

“Isn’t he awesome?” I asked.

“No doubt about it, dude!” Spike said.

“My friends, I've been all around Equestria, completing my collection of movie props, and selling them to ponies on the streets! How does he do it, one may ask? I turn off lights when I exit the room, and I only shower for 5 to 8 minutes.” Lord Thorn explained.

“Whoa! He’s good.” Spike said.

“How do I get these deals you may ask? If the producers aren’t using these props anymore, why bother just keeping them and letting them rot or throw them away?” Lord Thorn asked. The geeks all nod in agreement. “So that is why I am here, my friends! This is why I am selling you this stuff, for memories, and for you to make your own collection, with a minimum wage of 20 bits.”

“How many bits do you have, Spike?” I asked.

“78 bits, that’s enough to buy everything at Gamestop, right?” Spike asked.

“Kids these days; they don’t seem to know the value of money.” I said.

“Now the first item I’m bidding is the Hawaiian Punch water fountain from the Mr. Deeds movie.” Lord Thorn said, showing all geeks the water fountain.

“200 bits!” a blue pony next to us that looked a bit like Rainbow Dash but with a blue and white mane, and green eyes, and a snowflake cutie mark yelled.



“This particular water fountain though was from an actual high school, and high schools always contain dirty water fountains.” Lord Thorn said.

“150 bits!” the blue pony yelled.

“Even though many high school ponies place their mouths on the fountains, that’s how they became dirty in the first place, which causes common diseases.” Lord Thorn said.

“200 bits!” the blue pony yelled.

“200 bits! Going once, going twice…. SOLD for the blue mare in the crowd, even though it’s not often I see nerdy mares in the crowds.” Lord Thorn said.

“Yes!” the pony whispered to herself in excitement.

“Nice wager, sista.” I said to the blue mare.

“Yes, ah am much impressed, partner.” The engineer pony said.

“Thanks! I do have that impression a lot.” The blue pony said. “Almost as much as the time I owned a Firebird.”

A cutaway shows that blue pony leaning on a Pontiac Firebird car; as two stallions walk by, one says, “Whoa, cool Firebird, baby!”

“Thanks! It caught it myself.” The blue pony said.

“How did you catch it?” one of the stallions asked.

“With my pokeball!” the blue pony said, showing her pokeball.

“You can fit a car into that little ball?” one of the stallions asked.

“What? Ooooooh! The car’s not mine.” The blue pony chuckled and said.

“Then what did you catch?” one of the stallions asked.

“My firebird!” the blue pony said, pointing to a Moltres Pokemon flying by. “These things are rare to come by. I found it when I was swimming in a river back and forth for no apparent reason.” The cutaway ends.

“Ok, now I bet you’d really like this: The Nerdvana Annihilation from The Time Machine.” Lord Thorn said, bidding his next object.

“500 BITS!” I yelled.

“Whoa, dude! How did you get that kind of money?” Spike asked.

“I own a famous shop now. I get 500 bits per day! I’m only taking a day’s savings.” I explained.

“Going once, going twice…. SOLD for 500 bits!” Lord Thorn yelled.

“Praise the Wizards!” I yelled. “Now I can finally go back in time and stop myself from picking up that bit on the ground when I was a baby!” 

A cutaway shows me as a baby, crawling around on the floor, and I find a bit on the floor, but just before I pick it up, future me kicks the bit out baby me’s sight and yells, “Don’t pick it up!”

”Why not?” baby me asked.

“The bit was on tails. If you pick that up, it’ll give you bad luck for the rest of your life!” I explained.

“Oh no! Not bwad wuck!” baby me yelled, but then a stinky scent started to spread around the room, and baby me held his nose. “Pwee you, what’s wat smell?”

“Sorry, that was me.” adult me said. “I have to wear a diaper because time travel really gets your bowels moving.” The cutaway ends.

After many hours went by, many bids were made, and it was time for Lord Thorn to place his final bid. “My friends, I got one more thing to bid, and I’m telling you, this one will be a keeper.”

“Aren’t they all?” I asked.

“I have with me today: Luke Skywalker’s X-Wing that he used in all three movies he appeared in.” Lord Thorn said, showing everypony the X-Wing ship.

“Didn’t Luke Skywalker appear in four movies?” a pony called out.

“Like I was saying: this here is the very same ship that Luke Skywalker used to destroy the Death Star, and travel to Dagobah. It’s a very rare to find a ship as awesome as this one!” Lord Thorn explained.

The engineer whispered and said, “Ah could use somethin’ like that. Ah can use it as air travel.”

“It’s only a display, brah, it doesn’t actually fly.” I corrected him.

“It doesn’t?” the blue pony asked. “Then how do you explain it actually flying in space?”

“That was only a stop animation set; a smaller version of the X-Wing. This X-Wing is the one that Luke just used to get in and out of in between trips.” I explained.

“Regardless, ah could modify it to actually fly. Ah call dibs!” The engineer said.

“Dude, why do you think you’re the actual engineer?” I asked.

“Ah’m not sure if ah know what yer sayin’.” The engineer said.

“Let’s begin the bid with-“ Lord Thorn started but got interrupted.

“1,000 BITS!” the blue pony yelled.

“You want the X-Wing too?” I asked.

“Hay yeah! I’m a huge Star Wars geek!” the blue pony said.

“1,000 going once….. 1,000 going twice….” Lord Thorn said.

“DIBS ON 2,000 BITS!” the engineer yelled.

“Oh snap!” the blue pony said surprisingly.

“No, I need this!” I said.

“Is it actually worth that much money?” Spike asked.

“Of course it is! 5,000!” I yelled.

“5,000; we got 5,000 here! Anypony have anything higher?” Lord Thorn asked.

“10,000!” the blue pony yelled.

“Whoa! That sure is a lot. Wanna drop out?” Spike asked.

“Flare Gun never drops out! Angry face! 50,000!” I yelled.

“Ok, now you’re being ridiculous.” Spike said.

“I maybe irritating, but I’m not ridiculous.” I said. “I guess I have no choice.”

“100,000 BITS!” the engineer, blue pony, and I all yelled at the same time.

“SOLD!” Lord Thorn yelled.

“What? Which one of us got it?” I asked.

“First come, first serve, my friends. Whoever pays for it first at the end of the auction will get it.” Lord Thorn said.

“I gotta win that X-Wing!” I swore to myself.

“Do you even have 100,000?” Spike asked.

“Of course I do! I just…. Need to get myself a small bank loan, and I’ll be able to get it.” I said.

“Bank loan, really?” Spike asked.

“What other choice do I have?” I asked.

“I dunno…. Maybe you can just NOT GET IT!” Spike yelled.

“Don’t tell me how I use me money! I can buy this whole town if I wanted to!” I yelled.

“I… don’t think that’s possible.” Spike said.

“I live to do the impossible, Spike! I live to do the impossible!” I said in Spike’s face. After the bidding was over, I ran over to Lord Thorn in his trailer that was bigger on the inside like mine. I looked around and I was quite impressed with the scenery. The trailer's layout was like mine, but it's decorated differently; there were posters of different movies on the wall. Where my lounge is supposed to be, in here is the theater room; there was even a library full of DVDs, Blu-Rays ,and even VHSs. Saw a popcorn machine, a soda machine, an Icee Machine, a freezer full of ice cream, it's a movie pony's dream! The room I saw that was most interesting in the room was the plastic machine he had in the props room.

"I see you like my house." Lord Thorn said to me.

“It’s amazing!” Spike said as he took a lot of pictures of the trailer with his camera.

"I have a trailer just like it, but decorated differently." I said. "My layout of rooms is also different; like your storage room of movie props is my exercise room."

"You lift? You don't look buff to me." Lord Thorn observed me and said.

"I don't, but that exercise equipment is a nice show-off to the ladies. Twilight was quite impressed when she saw them." I said.

"I like your style, man.” Lord Thorn nodded.

“Same to you, brah. Where did you get that plastic machine in your props room?” I asked.

“There was a movie that prop was in.” he said.

“Which one?” I asked.

“One you probably haven’t heard of. So what are you in here for?" Lord Thorn asked.

"Well, first off, here's my check for 100,500 bits; one for the time machine, and one for the X-Wing." I said, writing Lord Thorn a check. "Most of that money belongs to my parents though, don't tell them."

"I'm sorry, my friend." Lord Thorn said, giving me back the check.

"WHAT?! Please don't tell me you sold the time machine! Please don't!" I begged.

"Oh don't worry, I still have the time machine, it's yours!" Lord Thorn said. "But I already sold the X-Wing."

"Dang! One of them already took it! Which one?" I asked.

"How am I supposed to know? I never remember my customer's faces." Lord Thorn said.

"Grrrr!" I growled. "It was either that engineer or that blue pegasus pony that looks like a recolor to Rainbow Dash!"

"You know, Flare, normally ponies don't like it when you mention the color of their skin." Spike informed me.

"We gotta get that X-Wing, brah! I can reenact my favorite Star Wars scenes using that! I can't miss out on an oppuntity like this; like the time I got a gift from a family member in Manehatten which was a life-size cut-up of Spock." I said.

A cutaway shows me walking home with groceries, but just as I got home, I saw the life-size cut-up of Spock. As I gasped, I dropped my groceries, and gave the Spock a big hug. "HOLY WIZARD OF FEELINGS! A life-size cut-up of Spock! Now I shall live long and propsper!" I said excitedly as I tried to split my fingers apart, but just when I remembered that I didn't have fingers, I walked the Spock inside and excitedly said; "This is exciting! We're going to save the whales, and take a look at Officer Uhura's asssssssssssssssssstronomy set, and-" but as I observed the Spock cut-up, I got upset. "Oh; it's the Spock from the new movie, nevermind." I wrote down an address on my sticky pad and placed it on Spock's forehead. "This is going to Edward Cullen's house where it belongs." The cutaway ends.

"C'mon, Spike, let's go get that X-Wing!" I said as I started walking out the door.

"Wait, Flare; the time machine!" Spike reminded me.

"Oh, right." I walked over to the Nerdvana Annihilation, rubbed my hooves together, stretched out, crouched down (not bended over because that's not good for backs), and I tried very hard to pick it up, but guess what? The whole device was so dang heavy! Probably weighed over 5,000 pounds; I dunno how much really, but if I had to estimate, I'd say 5,000.

"Dude, your magic." Spike reminded me.

"Oh... right." I just remembered I'm a unicorn and I can use magic, so I tried to levitate the device, and it worked better than picking it up with my hooves, but it was even heavy for my magic; I was only able to lift up a corner of it. Eventually I got tired out. I went to catch my breath for a sec, and then I walked outside. I came back shortly after when I rammed into the trailer with a forklift. I drove it over to the time machine, lowered the lifter, placed it under the time machine, and lifted it up slowly.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Spike panicked. "Drop it, drop it. Looks like you were about to tip it over."

"Right, thanks." I said as I lowered the lifter because he was right, it was about to tip. I drove closer to the time machine until both of the handles were under the device. I lifted the time machine slowly, and it did not tip. "Got it, let's go!" I drove the forklift in reverse out of the trailer, creating a bigger hole in the wall from the time machine, and I drove off to drop the time machine off at my trailer, but of course I didn't want to damage my trailer, so I just left it outside. 

After all that was over, I went with Spike to get a bite to eat over at the Ponyville Cafe. "Man, I can't believe that the engineer cosplay or the blue pony took my ship!" I complained.

"Or both." Spike added.

"If both of them bought it, I'm REALLY upset. They get to share it, and I don't. That stinks, man! It really stinks! I hate being left out!" I complained.

"Well, look at it this way: look at all the money you saved." Spike said.

"Oh hush, I can always get more. I'm getting 25,000 bits per week at my shop." I said.

"Your shop is that good, huh?" Spike asked.

"Yes, but what am I gonna do?" I asked.

"If you really want that ship, why don't you find those ponies and buy it from them?" Spike suggested.

"It may cost more than 100,000 bits to get it back, but it's a chance I'll have to take. I never seen those ponies before I moved here. They could either be vacationing, or they're new to Ponyville. One way or another, I should find where they're staying, and fast!" I said as I stood up from my seat.

"Alright, who ordered the hot hay wings, and who ordered the sapphire prime rib?" the waitress asked.

"....After dinner." I added as I sat back down. "Sapphire prime rib over here, y'all!"

"I didn't think sold sapphire prime rib here. Wanna trade meals?" Spike asked.

After dinner, Spike and I walked over to Town Hall to take a look at the town archives to see if we can find the ponies we're after. "You think we can find who we're looking for in here?" I asked.

"I've been helping Mayor Mare out around here for ages." Spike said.

"Yeah, but that doesn't really answer my question." I said.

"Yes, we may be able to find who we're looking for here." Spike said.

"Good, so start looking." I demanded.

"Why can't you help me?" Spike asked.

"I'm allergic to brown filing cabinets; that's why I have a green one in my office at the shop." I said.

"Alright, fine." Spike opened one of the filing cabinets to find who we're looking for.

"Try E." I suggested.

"Why E?" Spike asked.

"E for Engineer." I said.

"What makes you think that's his actual name?" Spike asked.

"He says he's really the engineer." I said.

"He's crazy then." Spike said.

"Who isn't crazy these days?" I asked.

"Good point." Spike said as he looked under the E filing cabinet. After he looked through all the files in that cabinet, he couldn't find who we're looking for, so he tried all the other filing cabinets. He made a mess on the floor full of folders. "C'mon, c'mon! Where is it?" he complained.

"Hey, Spike, look at this." I said as I looked at a folder in the 'new ponies' section. "This dude wears his outfit wherever he goes it would seem, and his name is actually Red Engineer."

Spike facepalmed himself and said, "That's right, the new ponies section! How could I forget?"

"Well.... we found who we're looking for. So go ahead and clean up the files from the floor while I read ol Engineer's folder." I suggested. Spike looked around and saw all the files he threw on the floor, and he groaned.

"Red Engineer, male, age 26, 2322 Trotty St. Ponyville, Equestria." I read the file. "I have the feeling he has the X-Wing. He keeps saying how much he wants to turn it into an actual ship."

"So you're telling me that Red Engineer is his real name?" Spike asked.

"I suppose so. If he's exactly like the engineer from TF2, then he must be a genius in anything machinery. He can be capable of getting that X-Wing working just by hitting it with a wrench." I explained.

"Then let's head over there." Spike suggested.

"No, no, no, first pick up the files and place them back in the cabinets. We don't want the mayor seeing this mess." I said.

"Fine, but can you help me out?" Spike asked.

"Brown filing cabinets." I reminded him. After the files went back inside their cabinets, we took Engineer's file, and followed the streets and houses until we found his address at the southwest of town.

“Alright this is it!” I said, looking at the address in the folder, and then looking at a tree. “That’s the tree my favorite squirrel is in. I offered it a paper clip necklace, and it kept coming back to my trailer ever since.” The squirrel popped out of the tree, and showed off its necklace to me. I chuckled and said, “Squirrels look so cute in paper clip necklaces. Alright, that must be Engineer’s house right there.” I pointed to a house with a bunch of mechanical devices all around it.

“You sure that’s his house?” Spike asked.

“Uhh, have you played TF2? Of course that’s his house. If there’s no dispenser, and there’s a scout knocking on the door asking for one, you can tell it’s his house.” I said. 

The Scout from TF2 is knocking on Engineer’s door, keeps asking for a dispenser here. The engineer slams the door on the scout’s face, and he passes out. 

“Ouch!” Spike said, witnessing the slam. “Will he be ok?”

“Of course; Scout will just respawn at the spawn point not so far away.”

“These scouts are really startin’ to annoy me.” Engineer said.

“Hey, you Red Engineer, right?” I asked as I walked towards him.

“Who’s talkin’?” he asked.

“Flare Gun’s the name, spreading the lulz is my game.” I said.

“You that red pony from the bidding, right?” Engineer asked.

“Sure am!” I said.

“Alright then.” Engineer said as he took a drink from a bottle of root beer, wiped his mouth with his arm, pumped his shotgun, and then aimed it towards me. “WHERE’S MAH X-WING?!”

“WHAT?!” I yelled.

“Whoa, crazy ol coot!” Spike yelled.

“WHERE’S MAH X-WING, YA VARMIT?! AH CALLED DIBS!” Enginner yelled.

“I DON’T KNOW! I THOUGHT YOU HAD IT?!” I yelled.

“Likely story, partner, but ah don’t believe ya.” Engineer glared at me.

“WHY DO YOU THINK I’M HERE?! I’M HERE FOR THE X-WING! DON’T SHOOT!” I yelled.

“Prepare to die.” Engineer said as he pumped the shotgun, and water squirted out. He took a picture, laughed and said, “Ya should’ve seen the look on your face!” 

“WHAT?!” I yelled.

Spike laughed along. “He’s right; you should see that expression on your face.”

“Angry face.” I said angrily.

“So ya here for the X-Wing, huh?” Engineer asked.

“Yeah, didn’t you buy it?” I asked.

“Sorry, partner, ah tried, but that blue pony beat me to it.” Engineer said.

“Oh, I could’ve sworn it was you. I know how much you really wanted it.” I said.

“So if it wasn’t you, it was the blue pony.” Engineer said.

“You know who she is?” I asked.

“I think I have her file with me.” Spike said, giving me the folder for the blue pony.

“Nice save, brah!” I said as I opened the file and read it.

“Crystal Iceblast, age 24, 1234 Avenue Blv.” I said, reading the file.

“Crystal Iceblast must be the one with the X-Wing.” Spike said.

“You’re probably right, brah. I dunno what she’d want with an X-Wing, but we’re gonna give her a piece of our minds!” I said.

“Ah think that would give us brain damage.” Engineer pointed out. So we followed the address until we finally made it to Crystal Iceblast’s house which wasn’t too far away from Engineer’s. When we got to her front yard, I discussed the plan with Engie and Spike.

“Alright, this is it.” I started. “You all remember the plan, right? First, I ring the doorbell. What to do next, Spike?”

“I’ll try to find a way to get behind her while she isn’t looking, and I'll tackle her back.” Spike said.

“Too right; Engie?” I asked.

“I’ll find any ways of persuading her to tell us where the X-Wing is; and if she doesn’t, I’ll chew on her face, and spit it to the crocodiles!” Engie yelled. “Then I’ll rip her wallet out of her purse, and I’ll take all the money out, and give it to a random hobo in Trottingham! Then I’ll-“

“Alright, brah, alright; let’s not get carried away.” I said.

Engie clears his throat and says, “Right, right, sorry.”

“Alright, let’s do this.” I nodded and the three of us walked over to Crystal’s door, and just as Spike was just about to ring the doorbell, I slapped his claw away and reminded him, “HEY! I ring the doorbell!”

“Alright, alright, jeez!” Spike complained. So I did ring the doorbell.

“Who the living hay is it?” a voice asked from the other side.

“We’re here for your X-Wing! Open it!” Engie demanded and slammed on the door.

“No, dude! Don’t tell them that!” I informed him.

Crystal opened the door and sighed in relief, “Thank Faust you’re here! This is a complete nightmare! I’m glad you've come and helped me so quickly!”

“Beg yer pardon?” Engie asked.

“What are you talking about, sista?” I asked.

“I’ve never been so ripped off in my entire life!” Crystal yelled.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“The X-Wing I bought doesn’t fly! Why would the bidder give me a ship that doesn’t even work?” Crystal asked.

“It’s not supposed to move, it’s a movie prop.” I corrected her.

“Not for long. If ah make a few modifications, it can move.” Engie said.

“Oh, so you can assist me then.” Crystal suggested.

“Sure, but y’all would have to share the rights of the flyer over to me.” Engie said.

“And you’re gonna leave me out? I want the flyer just as much as you both do, and I strongly dislike being left out!” I yelled.

“Why? Ya already have a time machine.” Engie reminded me.

“I can pay quite handsomely for the ship, Crystal. I’ll give you 125,000 bits for the ship.” I offered.

“Not so fast, ah’ll give ya 150,000 bits for it!” Engie offered.

“I’ll give you 150,000 bits, Crystal, if you let me have the ship, and I’ll give you, Engie, 1 bit go away.” I offered.

“Nuh uh, that ship is mine!” Engie yelled.

“It belongs to neither of you; it’s mine!” Crystal corrected us. The three of us started to argue about the flyer, and Spike just backed away, trying to stay out of the argument. As the argument just got worse and worse, we were beginning to snap.

“Alright, that’s it, ah’m takin’ what’s rightfully mine.” Engie said.

“No you’re not!” Crystal corrected him. 

“Try me!” Engie yelled as he ran inside the house, and into the backyard where the X-Wing is. Crystal chased him through the house, and she bit his tail, and tried to pull him away from the ship. Engie pushes Crystal away from him, tries to climb inside the cockpit (heh, cockpit), and whack the inside with his wrench, although Crystal keeps trying to pull, push and shove Engie out of the cockpit, but Engie’s a pretty big  guy.

Out of the bloom, I mean, out of the blue, I arrive on the scene with the same forklift I used before; I crashed through Crystal’s fence, and tried to use the forklift to carry the whole X-Wing out of the backyard and bring it to my trailer. Engie and Crystal knew how affective the forklift was against the ship, so they both jumped off the X-Wing, climbed onto the forklift, and tried pushing me off. The forklift was moving out of control, and as we were fooling around, the forklift crashes into part of the X-Wing and damages it.

“Now look what you’ve done!” Crystal yelled.

“What I’ve done?! Ah was doin’ just fine until you stole that ship from me!” Engie yelled.

“I bought that ship, carnival and shape!” Crystal yelled.

“Oooooh you think you’re so clever, thinkin’ y’all can steal other pony’s dreams by takin’ what is rightfully theirs!” Engie yelled. 

As the two were arguing, I wanted to join the argument too because I’m not a big fan of being left out, but before I was able to do so, I saw a writing under the ship. “Wait! Quiet, for a second.”

“What is it, Flare? Can’t ya see we’re arugin’?” Engie asked.

“This ship is mine!” Crystal yelled.

“I don’t think you want the ship.” I said.

“What do you mean?” Crystal asked.

“This ship was made in China.” I said. “Look!” I show them the label under the ship that says ‘Made in China’.

“Made in China? Oh snap! MADE IN CHINA?!” Crystal freaked out.

“Ah can’t make a motorized aerial vehicle outta this piece of junk! This isn’t a replica of the X-Wing of Star Wars; this is a toy life-sized replica made in a place where Dining Room cabinets come from!” Engie yelled.

“So I WAS ripped off, BIGGER TIME!” Crystal yelled.

“That Lord Thorn is a big liar! He’s selling fakes!” I yelled.

“You know what, Engineer? You can have the ship if you really want to; just take it.” Crystal offered.

“Ah don’t want it anymore. Flare you take it.” Engie offered.

“I don’t want it. Here you go, Spike.” I offered.

“Mind if I make a suggestion?” Spike asked. “I think we should take this stuff to Lord Thorn and ask for a full refund.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” Engie nodded.

“Totally! This isn’t even worth 100,017 bits.” Crystal said.

“Where did the other 17 bits come from?” Engie asked.

“Plus tax.” Crystal said.

“Well, it’s about time Lord Thorn pays you back every bit he owes you. We’re going to give him a piece of our minds!” I yelled.

“But ah told ya, that’ll give us brain damage.” Engie reminded us. So now, Engie, Crystal, and I went over to the trailer of Lord Thorn. He was just about to pack up and move on, but luckily, we arrived just in time.

“HEY! You there!” Engie shouted.

“Yo, can I help you?” Lord Thorn asked.

“Yeah, I’d like a refund for this X-Wing.” Crystal demanded as Spike drove in with the forklift carrying the X-Wing.

“Sorry; absolutely no refunds; that is part of my policy, and no acceptations.” Lord Thorn said.

“Your policy says nothing of the movie props being FAKE!” Crystal said.

“Not my fault. You offered to buy the X-Wing.” Lord Thorn said. “And you, sir, bought the time machine.”

“That I did, but knowing that you said it would be fake is out of the question, brah.” I said.

“Look, the props are your responsibility now. You bought them, so it’s all you now. That is all I have to say, now be out of your way.” Lord Thorn said.

“Oooo you rhymed!” I mentioned.

“Well…. It’s done then.” Crystal said sadly. “All 100,017 bits wasted on a phony Oscar Myer bologna fake space ship.”

“That was the last time ah ever put mah faith in merchants like him. He’s a big phony, and deserves to be sued!” Engie yelled.

“Sue me? HA! I showed you the policy, so none of this is my concern.” Lord Thorn said.

That word that Engineer said, ‘sue’, is just the word I needed to hear! I knew what needed to be done. “Mischievous face.” I said. “Now, Lord Thorn, I wouldn’t be so hasty if I were you.”

“What do you mean?” Lord Thorn asked.

“You say you bought actual movie props, and you sell them for a lot of money, correct?” I asked.

“Whatcha talkin’ about, dawg?” Lord Thorn asked.

“I’m talking about copyrighted infringement.” I said.

Lord Thorn started to get nervous. “I... I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I believe you do, bro. I believe you do. You see, there are copyrighted laws about selling unique items to random ponies. The labels on the movie props say ‘made in China’, but you can’t fool me, Thorn. Equestria has no China.” I explained.

“Yeah, so?” Thorn asked.

“So if they weren’t made in China, where were they made?” Crystal asked.

“Lord Thorn’s trailer has the exact shape and size as mine. How does he store all those props in one room?” I asked.

“His trailer’s bigger on the inside, what’s yer point, partner?” Engie asked.

“Ooooh, he doesn’t store all those props in one room does he? Where did those props come from? C’mon, Flare; think, think!” I said to myself. “OOOOOH, AWESOME! You used the plastic machine I saw in there, didn’t you?”

“That is just a prop.” Lord Thorn said.

“That you keep plugged into the wall? There was no movie with a plastic machine. I’ve seen many movies, my friend.” I started walking close to Thorn, and he started to get really nervous. “I’ve been so lonely back in my hometown, so how else do you think I spend my personal time while I was growing up? Playing video games, and watching movies and TV shows! I know your secret, Thorn; you say they’re real props, but you actually just made them yourself!”

“So what I did? You have no way of proving it!” Thorn yelled.

“You’re right, I don’t, but I don’t need to.” I said.

“What are you talking about?” Thorn asked.

“You should place a sign in front of your trailer saying ‘no baby dragons taking pictures allowed’.” I explained.

“He’s right; I took pictures of every detail in that trailer.” Spike said.

“You’re done for, Thorn. If it were anypony else, they’d report you to the movie developers, and each of them would sue you for everything you got!” I said.

“What do you want from me?!” Thorn yelled.

“If you REALLY want to sell movie props, then buy them from the developers themselves; otherwise, you can’t resort to selling something else. Tricking others like that is wrong, and there will be others that’ll find out your dirty little secrets.” I said.

“You’re a clever one, Flare Gun. Very, very clever.” Lord Thorn said.

“I know; I do have that affection on other ponies, don’t I?” I said in a teasing voice.

“Now how about that refund?” Crystal asked.

“Forget it! You buy it, you keep it.” Lord Thorn said.

“Give Crystal her money back, or…. would you rather say bye-bye to your vending career? Your choice.” I explained.

“Ugh! Very well, then.” Thorn said.

“As well as everypony else in town.” I added.

“Fine.” Thorn said.

“And you also have to go to my pizza shop and order something.” I added.

“Whatever.” Thorn shrugged.

“Oh, and you also have to say 10x fast while spinning plates on your nose: ‘Tee-tee tiki has to go pee-pee’.” I added.

”What?” Lord Thorn asked.

“And you also have to-“ 

“Alright, partner, let’s not overdo it.” Engie cut me off and said.

“Right.” I nodded.

“I’m outta here. Thank you for ruining my career, jerk.” Lord Thorn said as he took his trailer and walked away right after the four of us walked out.

“Wait… I… ruined his career?” I asked. “OH NO, WHAT HAVE I DONE?! I’M SOR-“

“Don’t worry ‘bout it, Flare.” Engie said.

“NO! I RUINED SOMEPONY’S CAREER! I’M A JERK!” I freaked out. “AAAAAAAAH! I’M FRANKING OUT!”

”Wait a second, what’s ‘franking out’?” Crystal asked.

“Noooooow you say you're lonely, you cry the whole night through. So you can cry me a river, cry me a river ‘cause I cried a river for you.” I sang.

“You did a good thing, Flare. His career was making poor nerds even poorer.” Spike said.

“No, we did it, together.” I said.

“Wow, that was the first time I’ve ever worked with anypony in my entire life.” Crystal said.

“What do you mean, Crystal?” I asked.

“I didn’t have any friends growing up. I was lonely at the adoption agency.” Crystal said.

“Wait, so not only do you not have any friends, you were… and orphan?” I asked.

“I dunno what being an orphan has anything to do with it, but regardless, I don't know my biological parents.” Crystal said.

“Wow… sad face; I’m so sorry, sista.” I said.

“Ya think that’s bad? Ah was raised in the engineer academy.” Engie said.

“Wow, and I thought my life was bad!” I said upsettingly.

“What’s your side of the story?” Crystal asked.

“I was bullied, picked on, and betrayed when I was younger. I even almost lost my friendship with those who weld the Elephants of Alarmory.” I said.

“The Elephants of Alarmory?!” Crystal asked. “Wow, dude, that’s deep!”

“That’s what she said!” Spike teased.

“Yeah I just said it." Crystal said.

“You know, we should hang out some time, Crystal and Engineer. I think we’d get along great. We can help eachother out with our problems.” I suggested.

“Sounds like fun!” Crystal agreed.

“All mah friends are idiotic team mates anyway. Ah wouldn’t mind bein’ friends with average everyday ponies.” Engie said.

“Then it’s settled, we’re friends!” I said.

“YAY!” Crystal cheered and started to sing. “I got frie-ends! I got frie-ends!”

“Partners ‘n crime, brothers ‘n arms, peas ‘n a pop, somethin’ else with an ‘n’ in it.” Engie said.

“Alright, but there’s still one more thing we need to get settled.” I said.

“And what might that be?” Crystal asked.

“Spike, if you please?” I asked as Spike hooves over contracts at Engie and Crystal.

“What’s this?” Engie asked.

“Waivers for your surgery.” I said.

“WHAT?!” Crystal yelled.

“Surgery for what?” Engie asked.

I started laughing. “LAWL, LAWL, LAWL, J-K; it’s the Friendship Agreement.”

“Friendship Agreement, huh?” Engie asked. “For what?”

“Just so our friendships are fair, nopony betrays one another, and making sure that we borrow money, we won’t be loan sharks about it.” I said.

I feel that there’s a big future for me and these two ponies. I made myself some new friends, and I feel I can actually trust them! Then again, I had that same feeling with some of my ex-friends back at home, but they seem pretty promising. We’ll see what the future holds for us. Afterwords, I decided to write a letter to Luna.

“Dear Princess Luna, After some time in Ponyville, I finally made some actual friends. Yes, the Mane Six and Spike are friends too, but the Mane Six are mostly just teaching me, and I finally passed one of the tasks that Twilight gave me. I also learned today that even if you think that a certain someone is a foe, they can actually be your closest friends in the near-future. I also learned not to trust bidders, stay away from them. Your loyal subject and friend, Flare Gun.”

After writing the friendship letter to Princess Luna, I decided to play with my new time machine. I don’t care if it was fake, it was still pretty cool to have it. After playing around with it for a while, I suddenly regained consciousness while sitting in my time machine in the middle of a forest. The forest was very dark and creepy as I looked around. I looked at my time dial and it said, ‘Apl 28 802,701’.

“It worked!” I said shockingly. “It really worked! They said I was mad, but it worked!” Just then, a bunch of white fury beasts with blue faces and glowing yellow eyes started walking towards me with hungry looks on their faces. I started to freak out; “Oh no, not morlocks! Not flesh-eating morlocks! AAAAAAAAH!” I started screaming as the morlocks started ripping out my flesh and gobbled me up at the spot. Just then, out of the flash, I woke up inside the time machine that was inside my trailer; it was all a dream.

“Flare, you okay?” Spike asked.

“We have to get rid of the time machine.” I said.

“It is a little big for the living room, isn’t it?” Spike asked.

“Uhh, yeah, that’s the problem; it’s too big.” I agreed.

“Well good, I got some guys to help us move it. Come in, fellas!” Spike yelled out to the repo folks outside, and they opened the door, walked inside, but the repo folks were morlocks with repo clothes on with the words ‘starving morlocks’ on the back of their outfits.

“Oh no, morlocks!” I said frightenedly. “Eat him! Eat him!” I pointed to Spike and started screaming again as they got closer to me. Just then, I woke up on my bed from another dream, and I then I yelled, “SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!”